We don't condone anyone doing it. We've gotten fooled twice. Both times it was men. But both were caught out quickly. One was a guy who wanted me to Domme him. I tied him up and beat his ass for him. It was totally red when I got done. I wonder how he explained that to his wife. I'm sure it was several days before he could comfortably set down. Hopefully he learned a lesson.
I have found that cheating husbands want 2 things. Sex and someone to listen to their woes or r/deadbedroom. No thanks!
We haven't seen anyone get a pass on cheating, man or woman. We wouldn't have anything to do with a cheater because they clearly don't respect the boundaries that we mutually respect in our marriage PLUS the drama potential is insanely high. Who needs that BS?
We try to avoid the drama, never want the angry spouse showing up at work looking for the temptress that seduced her good man!
Yeahokay,
For us it is not really a moral question. We don’t want the job of judging someone’s morality.
What we want to avoid is the hassle of dealing with a jealous (or homicidal) spouse that didn’t know about their SO’s extra curricular activity.
And to the OP’s statement, no, we really haven’t seen the double standard.
Yeaokay,
I don't understand. How is a married man/woman with the singles profile safer than someone with a couple profile that claims their partner isn't playing anymore, or says they have a hall pass? They're both attached with drama potential.
The wife and I were just discussing this yesterday. Not just in the lifestyle but how just in general it's more acceptable.
We had friends that split up due to him cheating. To us he's a total douche and dead to us while she's still a good friend. The flip side to that is that we know a couple of females that step out from time to time and we're like, don't blame her, her man's a dick anyway. The key of course is that in those situations is that we don't like the make half of the couple to begin with. If he's a great guy and she's cheating she a big ole douche too.
We totally agree with everything said so far. Female cheaters are cut a pass while male cheaters are run out of town on a rail.
I've fucked cheating women and Mrs. VA has fucked cheating men. But never knowingly. If we find out, that's it. We won't harass them but we won't play with them.
I (Mr.) had a specific "single" female whom I made out with at a party. I later found out she was married and cheating - inventing reasons for being gone for the weekend). While I was cordial from there on in (which was about 3 years of her being in our social circle, cheating) I never again did more than chit chat from there on in.
This did not stop her from feeling like I was some sort of goal to reach. One time on a car ride somewhere she bluntly asked Mrs VA why I wouldn't fuck her. She told her. She was flummoxed that I adhered to this principle while nobody else seemed to care.
But to get back to your original question. Yes, it's not fair. And this is even more "not fair" - if you're hot enough, as a single dood, people will also look the other way.
Not everyone thinks it's acceptable. Many let it slide because men and women in general have different standards. More women find it a dick move to cheat on their wives. What the men think is up to them. It's not really a double standard but a different standard.
Is it a double standard? Absolutely
Is it fair? Of course not.
Why does it happen? Supply and demand.
Will it ever change?
Probably not.
~Scamp
I've been in/out of the LS for over 20 years and during that time, there seems to be a double standard when it comes to those who cheat. When a single male is in the LS and is cheating on his significant other he's an a'hole. But, it is more acceptable when a woman is in the LS for extra curricular activities, it is more widely accepted (especially if she is Bi). Why is that? Oh, I am single in the LS, should it matter to anyone responding.
