Chat, email.

Blame texting for the growing lack of intelligent communication skills and the desire to put forth the effort.

The chats are absolutely useless. They used to be fun back when, except the Lobby of course, where you had this clique with their pretensions, inner circle and reluctance to let other folks into their circle. I know when we first started, we tried to engage people in the Lobby and were blatently ignored time after time. We started going into the other rooms, including the ad-hoc created ones and found most folks friendly, flirtatious, open and engaging. Sure, there were some of the annoying blue-dots, single males, but overall, the folks were ok and actually willing to talk desires, fantasies and make plans to meet.

Forward to today ...

The Lobby is even more obnoxious than before, the 'free members' have disappeared, except for some who paid for membership, but you know what? .... the assholes still remain. There is virtually no 'chat' in chat, everyone wants to whisper or private chat and those that do chat are 'vanilla' in what they will discuss.

Maybe that is where this site has de-evolved to, just a regular chat site where no one hooks up or has a laundry list of things b4 they do.

Shame!, i don't believe we have actually had a hook-up with folks from this site the past two years.

As for email, chat blazer, im's .... for fucks sake, one word communications, mainly 'Hi', call me if interested, No attempt to try and be articulate, engaging or attractive.

She does not get on the site very often, because our grown children look at what she is doing on the computer. They leave my computer alone. She will get on the site on her phone when everyone is gone or we are traveling.

The female just wants to show up and be the center of attention......As she should.....

I (the male) think its who has the better access to the computer throughout the day and also who is the more sexually out going, so between me and the wife I win both titles. I own a HARDware store and sometimes have the website up all day along with 20 other screens plus helping customers even as I am writing this. I can't say how many times I got timed out of a chat room because of customer interruption....lol... I am also the more sexual thinker... my mind is always in the gutter. So I do the chatting, the posting, the comments, the complaining, the weeding then when a couple shows interest I will get her to check out their profile which 95% of the time she has to ask for pictures of the guy, if she feels there might be a possible attraction she will then send an e-mail to the wife and exchange phone numbers to chat and work out a where and when to meet.

I would say that Velma's "men are the hunters" analogy is pretty close to the mark. I do know it fits us pretty well.

At least 90% of the time it is me (the male half) on here. Mrs Traveler has no interest in the online "hunting" and searching profiles and/or sorting through the many BS incoming emails.

When I do find or get contacted by a reasonably matched profile of interest, single or couple, and have a couple of email exchanges to more firmly establish common interests, THEN she gets online to check them out and read the mail history.

After a quarter century together and at least 15 years of dabbling in swinging, I know what she does and does not like. It is very, very seldom she will turn down a profile I bring to her attention. I probably do miss some she might actually like more than I thought, but I would rather narrow it down pretty close than to show her some I suspect for some reason she won't like, even if I may miss out on a good match on occasion.

She likes not having to deal with it very much, and personally, I do get a kick out of "the hunt" and consider it a fun diversion. It works well for us anyway.

Mrs VA doesn't have the patience for this place. She prefers that I weed out potential fuckbuddies or we just go to a club or party.

As for hunting - I don't especially enjoy "the chase", at least not for the sake of the chase itself. If any potential play partner(s) become difficult I/we cut them loose. I have no interest in messing around with people who play hard to get or feel like I should work just a little harder for pussy. Dropping hard-to-get candidates has almost certainly cost me some good times, but probably gotten me much more. They are almost never worth the extra trouble, and much of the time it's not successful anyway.

I speak of this at times like it's just me, and in a way it sort of is. If Mrs. VA likes a couple and wants to play, the job of landing them largely falls on me. 95% of our success stories occur by me getting the female's interest first.

I think that men are hunters.

Men thrive on the thrill of the chase. My husband comes on occasionally, but really only to update our Hotdates since he keeps our race calendar. He’ll peruse people and occasional contact people.

But I think that for the most part it’s men on here because they need that hunters high.

I think I’m different than most women because I was single for almost 20 years and I would date a different guy every few days because it’s easy to do that in DC.

I also get that little dopamine squirt from guys telling me I’m “hot” or “sexy” - I mean who wouldn’t? I don’t need validation from men, but I like it all the same.

I also think most women who have been married for 20 years would be horrified to see the sludge that gets pushed through the pipes here. So men take an active role in “Gatekeeping” and insuring their wives only see beautiful, sexy people.

I've had a couples profile and a singles profile here and I am the only one who has actively used either one, although I'm not the only one who reads incoming mail. I'd rather meet in person than exchange more than a few emails, although I'm tolerant of the needs of others for more written communication first. But I'm never, ever going to develop an attraction based on writing alone unless you are the second coming of Walt Whitman, T. S. Elliot, or Emily Dickinson.

Instead, it's far more likely that I'll get bored over time, since most people aren't capable of more than pedestrian writing. Then it's a bigger barrier than it would have been if we had just met after a few brief exchanges.

It just depends on the couple - Phoebert rarely logs in and I do most all the searching & chatting.

I'm much more picky about who we invite so it makes sense for us. Plus I need a fair amount of email exchanges to get comfortable with someone so that first meeting isn't terribly awkward - been there, done that, no one had fun.

~Phoebert's Wife

For us it's pretty simple. She tends to gain understanding and desire from other couples via face to face conversation so she rarely does the online thing. He on the other hand can gain a lot of insight about people from email and/or chat. About every six months she will ask........what's the password for the site again??

Seems the majority of communication are the males on here. Do most ladies dislike that portion of chatting? Seems like most of the pictures are of the females though. Just wanted to ask what others think.