Anxiety is the worst. Overthinking things. Starting to pay attention to things other than her. They can all be a downfall. Slow, deep breathing always helps me. Pretty much it's my cheat code lol. About to cum too fast, slowly breathe in and out and calm down. Find yourself thinking your way out of an erection, slow breathing and focusing back on her. Anxiety before it even begins, breathe deep and relax... You've been here before. Etc etc etc
A lot of great advice in here.
Brentwood,
As being a single male in the lifestyle for 10+ years, I know what you mean. I focus my attention on the female partner with at first small talk to get comfortable, find commonalities that eases her anxiety as well as yours, Then move into more adult conversation that could be arousing all the while continuing to focus on her. As others have stated have the essentials close by, if there is dryness, reach for the lube to help facilitate the flow of wetness, let her partner also stimulate her as well. If it is a non intimate situation, oral is usually a break icebreaker (giving or receiving. Lastly if you are not sexually stimulated within the first 15 minutes, talk to the folks that you are with and let them know. I had a situation where the husband brought his wife over and she wanted nothing to do with being there, it was apparent after that 1st 15 minutes and I explained to them the the vibe was platonic, not always will the chemistry work when you meet in person and that is ok too. The husband was none too happy, but the wife quietly thanked me as they were walking out the door.
Be vulnerable, make her as comfortable as possible, take deep breaths, relax your mind and enjoy...
Communication can help. Be candid about how you’re feeling. The worst thing is to keep anxieties bottled up inside. The couple you are with will want you to be comfortable, so don’t be afraid to ask for changes which will help you stay focused.
If I’m worried about performance I avoid alcohol. Once I have one drink, it’s too easy to have three, and then my performance will suffer. Also, alcohol and viagra are not a great combination.
I have a FWB who hands are always cold, its wonderful in the summer months but in the winter I make him wear knitted gloves ;)
We have found that lots of foreplay and no hurrying is always good. Some one on one and then all 3 of us works well in a MMF encounter.
A few drinks is good and viagra never hurts the situation.
Couple other things.. we also have plenty of "Pink Lube and extra condoms" with us all the time and give it to guys or women as needed before and during .. as experienced couple swingers we get it.. to make everyone comfortable and YES for us its all about the woman's pleasure Kat my wife or another female invited to our bed !
I know that for me, Viagra tends to minimize the impact of distractions. You may still get hot/cold, but it will have less of an impact on your "unit".
Assuming you don't have common side effects (i.e. headache), generic Viagra can be had for under $1/pill these days, and in my case, I usually only take half of one.
I know that you're only 35, but it kind of has the psychological effect of knowing that it is just going to work when needed. I liken it to taking seasick pills on a cruise. Perhaps you usually never get seasick either, but it's cheap insurance that everyone is going to have a good time.
Of course the other option is if you're hot or cold, you can always ask your hosts to change the temperature or turn a fan on, in the event it's too hot. Leaving your socks/underwear on during play can be viewed as "weird". I do know women that won't fuck a guy with his socks or underwear on.
Welcome.. so we have been active swingers for well over 28 years. We mainly do 3 sums women and guys.
For "us" we always ask if they are comfortable, need more air, less air, water, music, drinks. etc etc... We also allow 2 people to start while the one is doing something else.. I guess we have been doing this so long we just know how to accommodate most people we swing with... now as far as guys losing erections.. it happens usually to those who are NOT experienced with 3 sums involving another guy .. and YES we are talking young guys too as recent as a couple months ago
Also guys who drink to much and get excited right away and 'cum" almost immediately are also a problem
So not sure what to tell you.. or how long you have been swinging.. but practice makes perfect and just relax and ask for what you need.. any great couple will make it happen.
Single male here. I have found that there is a variety of situations where I go from hard to soft during a session. For anyone that is not on this side of the situation, first time encounters with couples etc. are all different and usually don’t know where it will go. In MFM situation, husband is stimulated from the act happening. However single males are sometimes out of the scenario. Room, positions, mannerisms, music or tv on, etc. (although discussed previously never minute details such as this usually come up ) do not allow for single male to prepare for until in person. Settings usually accommodate couple and therefore there have been times where it could be boiling hot in the room, or freezing cold, distractions, too many drinks, slow movement of situation, wife not ready and husband pushed for the encounter, chafing from grinding or dryness, and a plethora of other issues suddenly present themselves (on top of the pressure of performing) which can incapacitate you poor unit. Then suddenly that is noticed and it’s a new head case of being distracted literally for the reason unit is slowly going soft.
I hoped to find recommendations on how to combat these instances. In my own experiences, the biggest one issue I have is having cold extremities, hands and feet, even sometimes feeling hot under covers and cold outside of them.
I am hoping for a discussion and tips on maintaining a even body temperature. If wearing socks during, or keeping some sort of underwear on and pulling unit through would help. If anyone has tried these before, or any other recommendations, please do tell!
