Welcome to the Lifestyle

Transcript

good morning good afternoon good evening wherever you may be i hope you have blue skies and a smile in your heart welcome to that other lifestyle podcast This podcast is for people over 18 years of age. This podcast is intended only for adults. We will be discussing topics of a sexual nature, alternative lifestyles, and adult themes. Definitely not safe for work. I may say the occasional bad word. My guest may say bad words. We might describe in great detail how to properly set up a gangbang or an orgy. Yes, there is a difference between those two. So again, this podcast is just for adults.

We will be having adult conversations, sometimes fun, sometimes serious, not appropriate for peoples under the age of 18. I am your host, Jason. I am a guy with a microphone who wants to share the good, the bad, the ugly, and the weirdness that is the lifestyle. If you like this show, please subscribe, and if you want more information about That Other Lifestyle, check out our website, thatotherlifestyle.com. I've said the word lifestyle a bunch so far, so what does it mean? There are a couple of definitions, and all of them are correct in some way.

Someone told me that the lifestyle is impossible to understand from the outside and impossible to explain from the inside. A good technical definition comes from the Huffington Post. The lifestyle is a term used to convey the adventurous sexual practices of couples and singles that enjoy recreational sex with other consenting adults, otherwise known as swingers.

To help illustrate how prevalent this hobby is, in 2018, a study of the prevalence of non-monogamous practices in the United States estimated that 2.35% of Americans currently self-identify as swingers, and 4.76% had identified as swingers at some point in their lifetime. That comes out to almost 8 million people who identify as swingers as of this study, and about 14 million people who may have engaged in some hanky-panky at some point in their lives.

According to a YouGov survey, 7% of British adults have been involved in a non-monogamous relationship, while close to a quarter have said that they would be open to non-monogamy. No clue when the study was done, recent I guess. Lifestyle is a more inclusive term for swinging. Swinging carries some older and archaic connotations that don't quite fit the true nature of the lifestyle. Swinging denotes a heteronormative heterosexual couple engaging in sexual activities with another heteronormative heterosexual couple. Think of it like playing doubles tennis.

Sometimes you team up with your partner. Sometimes you switch sides and team up with someone else's partner. Lifestyle is all about variety and encompasses the whole variety of interactions. Sometimes you say screw tennis and try pickleball or water skiing or football. Swiggin conjures images of 1970s ski parties. Let me set the scene. It's a Tuesday night mid-April in the typical suburban neighborhood that could exist outside any city in the States.

A swanky dress couple, the husband in a three-piece suit and tie, the wife in a slim-fitting black dress that stops right above her knees, showing the barest hint of cleavage, her hair carefully coiffed and hairsprayed. Walk up the sidewalk, past a carefully manicured lawn, up to the front door of a house on a street that looks like all the other houses on the street. They made sure to park down the street, as did all the others in attendance, better to hide the gathering from the prying eyes of neighbors.

blonde housewife in red heels answers the door immediately presenting the husband of the duo a fishbowl he deposits his keys into the bowl with glee and gives his wife a gentle pat on the butt to usher her inside three dog night plays on a hi-fi stereo with the old wood paneled speakers inside the home five couples mill about in the den each sticking close to their respective. Everyone is presented a drink by the attentive hostess. For the men, the conversation naturally flows to sports and fishing.

For the ladies, they discuss the weekly church social and brag about their children's accomplishments.

All the while, glances are exchanged between some of the wives and some of the husbands, the seeds of desire starting to smolder in the hope of correct choices dinner is served steak it's always steak an hour or so later after another two rounds of drinks the blonde housewife pulls at the fishbowl and jingles the keys loudly summoning everyone's attention the lottery has begun all those glances may pay off or there may be hints of disappointment in the air she walks up to each wife in attendance and allows her to pull out a set of keys. There is a cheer after each pick.

Husbands separate from their wives and gravitate towards the bearer of their house keys, these new ladies that they can now get their attention to. Each couple begins chatting. Some of them know each other already. Some of them this is the first time they've met. Another round of drinks loosens the crowd as the music shifts into something with more bass, more feeling. Now the couples are dancing, the lights are dimmed, each couple waiting for someone else to break away, fearful of being the first to start the party in earnest.

Nervous conversation takes place in the space between lips and hips. Five couples shuffle around dancing closer and closer on the orange shack carpet. Finally, one set cannot bear the waiting, and they make a break for the first empty and available bedroom. End scene. Lovely scene there. I hope I painted a nice picture. A picture of lies. I'm not entirely sure if key parties actually happen. It might just be a Hollywood cliche. Literally no researcher can find evidence this happened. It may have. It ain't the way we do things in the modern era though.

Two, the whole concept is super problematic from a consent and comfort level standpoint. You may not know the person whose keys you now hold in your hand. What if you don't like them? What if they have a beard and you don't like beards? What if they smell funny? Am I forced to interact with this other man or woman? Do I have a choice? Can I say no?

Do do I have to the other thing that pops into people's heads when anyone mentions swinging is pineapples or some other stupid symbol or secret that would denote a person is in the lifestyle I have seen videos and tiktoks and read the articles online someone in the vanilla world and we're going to define all these words eventually so just stick with me someone from outside the lifestyle will think they've cracked the code on our community secrets and then go share it online like you're a demented little detective.

They tell you that if you see a person wearing an anklet it means this or if you see a couple out and they're wearing red hats with blue ribbons and elf ears then they're looking for another couple. Maybe landscaping tells everyone about what you do on the weekends. Have some pompous grass in your yard you might be a swinger.est one, an upside-down pineapple in your cart at the grocery store. Because let me tell you where I want to pick up date, the local Walmart on a Thursday afternoon while I'm grocery shopping.

Could be that turning the pineapple upside down might help sweeping it, sweeten and ripen it, but I don't know. Pineapples seem to be a symbol the community adopted out of good intentions and humor. Fine, you want to make it a thing, let's make it a thing, but really it's not. So let me explain. I met a new couple a while back and the husband asked about pineapples. My answer was, do you believe in that symbol enough to walk up to a random woman at a bar and ask her if she's a swinger if you see one? Of course he said no, that person might just like pineapples.

We will be doing an episode in the future debunking all these secrets and symbols, so stay tuned. If there's one takeaway, though, it is that people in the lifestyle don't want people not in the lifestyle to know what they do on the weekends or in their other life. There is a massive need for discretion in the LS because some people could legitimately lose their careers if word got out. Part of the problem, I think, is that there's no good representations of swinging in the media. I cannot find a movie or a TV show that shows the lifestyle in a positive, accurate light.

All of them are murder porn. In a quiet suburban neighborhood, they were swingers, and then things got weird and jealousy and then murder. That's totally not it. If you know of any movies or TV shows about swinging or the lifestyle, pass them along to me. Send me an email at our website, that or the lifestyle.com. This feels like a serious problem. Even when swingers are shown on TV, they get so many facets wrong. We are not sex crazed. We will not engage with just anyone. We are not allowed to convert other couples. We do not spring surprise sex parties on people.

We do not advertise sex parties at all. Just a lot of misconceptions that I hope this podcast can address. The lifestyle is inclusive of everyone. That is why I prefer the term. But it is not widely accepted by society at large. We do fall under the ethical non-monogamy umbrella. Some people in the lifestyle are polyamorous or have open marriages. That's why I like the term lifestyle versus swinging. Lifestyle is more inclusive of the different ways that people can engage in this hobby. It includes those who are bisexual, singles, polyamorous, different dynamics, and play styles.

So technically, this is ethical non-monogamy. That word has way too many symbols. I don't know the linguistic history of the ethical non-monogamy word versus lifestyle versus swinging. That's something I might dig into in later episodes. E&M or ethical non-monogamy. Oh my god, E&M is See you next time.

of the ethical non-monogamy word versus lifestyle versus swinging and something i might dig into in later episodes e and m or ethical non-monogamy oh my god e and m is even worse to say than ethical non-monogamy has its own connotations around it you may be picturing polyamorous couples or open marriages they are adjacent to the lifestyle in that we are engaging in sexual activity outside the confines of a traditional marriage i think the key difference is something called emotional intimacy. My partner is my primary person for emotional intimacy.

I can engage in physical acts with another person, but at the end of the night, I'm going home with my wife because that is the person I have an emotional and romantic connection with. As humans, we can have different types of intimacies with others. In traditional marriage, one person serves as the sole source of emotional, romantic, and physical intimacy. With E&M, other people can fulfill those needs, while in the lifestyle, primarily, most cases, your spouse is still your emotional, romantic center. But is this cheating you may be thinking? No.

Again, I am going home with my wife at the end of the night. She is my anchor in this world. We have established rules and limits and open communication on everything we do. And oddly enough, cheating is completely unacceptable in the lifestyle. Both couples have to be on board with this hobby, and you can tell really quick if both couples are not on board. We are not here to fix your marriage or provide an outlet for one person's desires. We do this as a team and expect the other couple to do the same. Cheating is a direct violation of so many of our principles of consent and communication.

To violate your partner's trust in a lifestyle is a nigh-unforgivable sin. So let me talk to the men for a minute. I say men because y'all are way more guilty of this than the women. Don't go on the websites and pretend to be a couple. Don't do that. We will find out. We can tell if you're doing it. Stop it. You weren't fooling anyone by saying that you have a hall pass or you show up alone to a date. I see you. You are violating another person's trust and that is bad. We'll have a whole episode planned on identifying fakes and cheating partners. I got you.

I know I just said a bunch of words you may not know, so let me define some very important terms before we go any further. We talked about lifestyle versus swinging. Within the LS community, the most prevalent play style is full swap. To talk about full swap, let's put this on a scale. First, you have no swap. There are couples that may participate in lifestyle events and parties, but have no intention of engaging with another couple or person in any way. So what's the point, you ask? Isn't everyone who goes to a party looking for action? No, no, they are not.

Our parties and events are insanely fun. The parties are a chance to dress up and cut loose in a safe, respectable environment. There is an entire ecosystem of businesses to support this hobby like websites and hotel takeovers and travel agencies. And we'll talk about all that later in another episode. Even for no swap couples, the lifestyle is insanely supportive. No matter who you are, no matter what you look like, age, background, socioeconomic status, people are equal and respectful. You can find your tribe in the lifestyle.

You can find people you connect with on a personal level, even beyond the shenanigans that we might engage in. The support we receive received from our lifestyle friends is amazing, and that is what separates this lifestyle from the vanilla world. We went to a party at a hotel a few years ago. It was our very first one. We had no idea what to expect. One of the things that stuck out in my mind is the openness and friendliness of others. We were on an elevator, and another couple just struck up a conversation. So think about that.

When was the last time you struck up a conversation with a stranger in an elevator? No-swap couples are completely welcome. No one bats an eye. If a person may proposition them, all they have to say is they're no-swap and that's it. People in the lifestyle are very respectful of others and their wishes and their rules and limits. Next on the list is parallel play. This is usually where most couples start out. Not all couples. Some couples jump into the deep end of the pool right from the start.

Parallel play means that a couple wants to only engage with their partner, maybe in the same room as another couple. No swapping or touching or switching. Again, totally fine. It's all based on their personal comfort level. Girl on girl might slip in here. This is where two bisexual women will engage with each other. The men do not participate or swap with the other partner. And please keep in mind I'm putting all this in a hierarchy working our way up to full penetration but this is not a judgment.

My intention is not to say one method is better than the other or one method is safer or less risky than another method. Any human contact carries an inherent risk. Promise to have a whole episode on risk and testing and safe play practices later. Working our way up to penetration, you sexy heathens. Next is soft swap. Soft swap would encompass kissing and touching an oral, but stops short of actual penetration.

Penetration would include penises and strap-ons and various other implements, though these definitions are kind of nebulous and depend totally on what the couples agree to ahead of time. Let me digress for a moment away from the definitions and throw out a very important concept in the modern lifestyle. Consent. Looking back at the key party story for a moment, what if you pulled out the keys of someone you were not interested in physically or mentally? What do you do? Do you take one for the team and just go with it? Give into peer pressure? No, you do not. Full stop. No.

In the lifestyle, any person has full agency and permission to say no. That is another big myth I want this podcast to dispel. We are not sex-crazed beast humping anything that moves. In most cases, before anything happens, the various interested parties and persons and couples will have what I call the unfun conversation about interest and testing status and play style and consent. And this is all done way in advance of any sexy time. This is done when everyone is completely sober and we do not negotiate or initiate if anyone may be impaired.

No negotiating drunk is a good rule of thumb in this. Again, that is what I feel is a distinction between the old term of swinging and the newer idea of the lifestyle. And thank you for coming with me on that digression. Back to the definitions. After soft swapping, only one stop left to go, and that is full swap. Full swap means penetration. However that is achieved and by whom is completely open. I say that because, again, the lifestyle can and does include those that may identify as trans or gay or straight or not straight or lesbian or bi or whatever definition a person chooses.

Everyone is valid and someone is interested in them. But wait, there's more because there are different play styles. We got cuckolding, cuckweening, voyeur, expositionism, orgies, unicorns, and bulls, singles or couples, gangbangs, polyamory, and all those various aspects of them. All of these terms need their own show one day.

one term i want to call out right now is stag vixen in this case typically it's the husband doesn't really participate they enjoy watching their wife have fun which brings us to a super important term in the lifestyle which you will hear me talk about a lot compersion the word is so new that microsoft word doesn't even recognize it i have talked to other couples and one common point about the lifestyle they say they enjoy is watching their partner have a good time, be a sexual being, and enjoying their partner's joy. There is a word for this feeling, compersion.

The word was first used by the Charista Commune a couple of years ago. I love this word. Technical definition is the positive emotion one feels when one sees their partner involved with another person. It is often called the opposite of jealousy. It is such a neat concept to look at your partner and simply say, I love your joy. I enjoy seeing you happy. I feel this is a big distinction between those in the lifestyle and the vanilla world. Vanilla. Vanilla means anyone who is not in the lifestyle. That's it. Simple definition.

Vanilla is everything that the light does not touch, to summon my inner Lion King. Vanilla is the world we all live in day-to-day, work, errands, TV, sleep, repeat. Lifestyle is our alter egos, our secret double lives that we hide away, not from shame necessarily, but more so caution. Again, this hobby is not approved by the general public. We might fall under the LGBTQIA plus umbrella in some way, but it is definitely frowned upon by most people. The vanilla world can't understand why. They can't grasp how someone who is in a committed relationship could engage in these activities.

I can tell you that those in the lifestyle have better and stronger marriages than anyone I've met in the vanilla world. And we have more fun. I saw a Reddit post about two years ago that really stuck with me, and I wish I could find it again. The original poster wanted to know why it looked like swingers were always having fun, specifically called out our love of boats and being on boats topless. So yeah, the lifestyle is really fun compared to the vanilla world, and research backed this up.

The following stats come from a 2000 study, Today's Alternative Marriage Styles, The Case of Swingers, from the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality. Admittedly, this is 25 years Thank you. The following stats come from a 2000 study, Today's Alternative Marriage Styles, The Case of Swingers, from the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality. Admittedly, this is 25 years old, but it's still eye-opening. 60% of study participants said that swinging improved their relationship. Only 1.7% said swinging made their relationship less happy.

Approximately 50% of those who rated their relationship as very happy before becoming swingers maintained their relationship had become happier. 90% of those with less happy relationships said swinging improved them. Almost 70% of swingers claimed no problem with jealousy. Swingers rate themselves happier and their lives as more exciting than non-swingers by significantly large margin. There was no significant difference between responses of men and women, although more males, 70%, than females completed the survey.

This study, which only pulled self-identified swingers, so admittedly this population is only those who admitted to being swinging and voluntarily participated. I will say this hobby does not fix marriages. If you had a bad marriage going into this, it will end very badly for you. This hobby is not to get back at a partner for cheating or level the playing field. The lifestyle makes good marriages great and bad marriages divorce. If you think you can convince your partner to join the lifestyle you are doing this for the wrong reasons. Have an open discussion with your partner. Be honest.

They may say no and at that point drop it. Do not push. Do not make a profile just for funsies. Drop it. You tried. Go find a new hobby. If your partner is interested, then learn and educate yourself. But do not attempt to convince someone who is not interested in trying this. It will just end badly. Now that we have defined some terms and threw out some statistics and dropped some heavy advice on you, let me spin wildly into who this podcast is for. The way I see it, there are three types of people who will find this podcast interesting.

Those who are in the lifestyle, those who are interested, and those who have no intention of ever joining. There is something for everyone. For those who are experiencing the lifestyle, I thank you for listening. I hope this will be educational for you, fun, enjoyable. I hope this is a place that you feel welcome to share your own stories, questions, concerns, comments, and information. You can have a place to learn how other couples We'll be right back. this will be educational for you, fun, enjoyable.

I hope this is a place that you feel welcome to share your own stories, questions, concerns, comments, and information. You can have a place to learn how other couples experience the lifestyle, maybe in ways you've never thought of. And I also plan on sharing information about the clubs and the resorts and the parties and the takeovers. I want to help bring to light issues our community faces. I want to help normalize conversations around testing and safety and consent. For those who have no intention of ever joining the lifestyle, welcome. Thank you for listening.

I hope this podcast can demystify and detangle this very interesting hobby we have. I get that this is not for everyone. You have to make a personal choice and decide if this lifestyle is for you and your part. Maybe you're happy with the status quo and you're just here to learn. I hope I can provide you engaging content. For those who might be thinking about joining this hobby, maybe you have a fantasy or maybe you have already had the conversation with your partner about maybe possibly might be interested in going to a club or joining a website.

It is totally fine to keep all this at the fantasy stage. I want to be a resource and educational place for you. Just defining a bunch of these terms can be helpful for new people. You don't want to make the mistake of saying you're into one thing when you actually meant something else. Why should you keep listening and tune in for future episodes? I did radio many moons ago and just realized I keep using radio terms throughout this podcast, and I'm going to keep doing it. Anyway, why should you keep listening?

We have plans for some really good episodes, some of them educational, some of them fun, plans to interview others in the lifestyle to learn their origin stories, play styles, and perspectives. We want to provide weekly content here and on our website, thatotherlifestyle.com. If you have listened to the whole podcast and hung out this whole time, I thank you again. It means a lot to me, and I appreciate you and your time and your interest and you as a person. Thank you for joining us today.

If you like the show, please subscribe and check out our website, thatotherlifestyle.com, where you can find our blog and merchandise store. Consider signing up for our mailing list so you're always the first to know what is going on with That Other Lifestyle. I always appreciate hearing your feedback and comments on episodes or suggestions for topics, so feel free to reach out to me. Subscribe and like wherever you may be enjoying this podcast because that is a huge help to me. My personal disclaimer, I am not a medical professional nor a trained and certified educator of any kind.

I am a guy with a microphone sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only and please join us for the next episode. Whatever you may do today, I hope you have a fantastic time doing it. Know that you are appreciated and loved. Have a great day.