Join Jason on 'That Other Lifestyle Podcast' for a refreshingly open discussion about STI testing within the non-monogamous community. This episode tackles the stigma head-on, emphasizing the importance of communication, responsibility, and regular testing as fundamental parts of the lifestyle. With humor and frankness, Jason shares his take on sexual health and clears misconceptions, aiming to replace fear with knowledge and proactive measures. Although focusing on adults, the episode delivers an inclusive message, encouraging listeners from all backgrounds to understand that education and transparency form the bedrock of healthy lifestyle practices. Don't miss this pivotal conversation about protecting yourself and your partners. Check out Episode 2 and 3 of this trilogy of episodes.
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Transcript
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Wherever you are, I hope you have blue skies. Welcome to That Other Lifestyle Podcast. I am your host, Jason. Leave Vanilla behind as we have a very heavy conversation today. This podcast is for adults only. We'll be diving into adult and sexual topics with plenty of colorful language, so it is not safe for work. If you are under 18, this is not the place for you. This show is all about exploring the lifestyle and ethical non-monogamy, and it's open to everyone, no matter your background, gender identity, gender expression, or your personal truth.
I will do my utter best to use inclusive language, but you might hear terms like wife, husband, or partner for simplicity's sake. Note that this show is for everyone. Lifestyle, vanilla, or just the curious. Want to connect? Send me an email to host at thatotherlifestyle.com. Visit my website, thatotherlifestyle.com, and check out my favorite lifestyle product recommendations at binnable.com slash thatotherlifestyle. Everyone is welcome here because the lifestyle is about so much more than you think. Thank you for tuning in today.
Fair warning, this episode and the next one and the one after that, they're going to be heavy. We need to have a conversation, a hard, serious conversation that needs to happen. Scratch that. As I'm writing this, pondering and rambling in my brain faster than my fingers can type and I'm recording it right now, this conversation actually shouldn't be heavy. This shouldn't be somber. Fuck it. This is going to be a happy topic somehow. There's way too much stigma around STI testing and treating this like a forbidden secret thing. That ain't the solution to fighting the stigma.
I'm getting close to my one-year anniversary for this show, and testing has been on my list of episode topics since day one. I know I need to talk about sexual health etiquette and protection, and I think I'm ready now. Are you ready? Remember, this is not heavy. This is going to be happy as I can make it. I know that I portray the lifestyle as fun and exciting, and I encourage people to dive in. I do. I don't want anyone to get turned off to the LS by the thought of STIs or STI testing. We need to talk about testing for STIs though.
This topic is so big and important I decided to devote three whole episodes to it. This episode will be a discussion of an overview of STI testing. Why is it important? Discussing the social contract we enter into when we are in the lifestyle and how to be a good steward of our community through proactive means. The next episode will be how to have a conversation with others about STI testing, how to share your results, and how to ask other couples about their status and how to get tested. What are your options? Finally, the third episode is going to be the honest and real one.
We are going to talk about what happens and what you should do personally if you are exposed or contract an STI. There is so much ground to cover, so much to share. One or two episodes is not enough time to talk about this at the level I want. So strap in, motherfuckers. You got an hour and a half of me coming into your ear holes this week. I want to share, need to tell you, I ain't a doctor. I ain't a trained, medical, or certified, anything. I'm a guy hanging out in my studio sharing the good, the bad, the ugly, and the weird sides of the lifestyle.
I am not the end-all or be-all authority on testing. I will share my thoughts and opinions, but they're just that. My thoughts, my opinions. This is my personal outlook on STI testing. Me, Jason, the guy talking. I know STIs can be terrifying. They can be scary. There's no denying that. If you find yourself so scared of STIs that you can't even handle the thought or possibility of contracting an infection, you need to educate yourself. Go learn about the STIs that are out there. Knowledge erases fear, but you still need to respect them though. Look, I'm not scared of alligators.
I grew up near swamps and lakes. I know what an alligator is. I am educated on the fact that you do not fuck with those dinosaur-looking son of a bitches. I am not intentionally going to put myself or anyone else in a situation that an alligator could fuck with me. I respect them. There's a difference. I'm educated about them. There's respect, not necessarily fear. I'm not going to go through each STI in detail. That's not my place. That is a medical professional's place. Plus, you got the internet. You can go learn it.
You, dear listener, need to take the information presented here, and I encourage you to listen to other podcasts and other resources. You, dear listener, have to form your own testing strategy, guidelines, and figure out what works best for you and your spouse. You, you listening, you have to do that. This is your personal responsibility to the lifestyle, your marriage, and yourself. There will be people that scoff at this. They may feel that they don't need to take a test or testing is not necessary. I'm going to talk more about how to deal with them in the next episode.
Testing, SDI testing, and mitigation are part of the social contract for everyone who wants to enjoy the lifestyle safely. And what am I talking about when I say testing over and over again? Definitions are important. Testing for our purposes in the lifestyle is the act of getting an STI test done or a panel or check, whatever they're called. It's a shorthand way of saying, hey, our hobby is fucking people we meet off the internet. Have you and your partner had an STI test or panel done recently?
Depending on where you are in the world, this could be referred to as a sexual health screening or a check, maybe an STI panel or a VD screening. No matter where, it's the same concept the world over. No matter where you are on this planet, STIs are the same. Ain't no difference between Russian hepatitis and Peruvian hepatitis that I know of. Generally, an STI test will screen for the big five. Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV, and hepatitis. Maybe HPV or trichomonosis. Depending on the specific panel or the company offering the test.
Slang terms include getting tested, getting checked, status check, clearance. Before I go too deep on this topic, I may use the term clear or all green to denote a person is negative for STIs. I am not a fan of the term clean because it denotes that someone could be not clean or they're dirty. I don't like that.
I prefer clear or all green as when you look at your results, it's all green and no reds is a core value of the lifestyle being responsible with your partner your own sexual health and the sexual health of others is one of the core tenets of participating in the lifestyle i dare say a person who is not who is a person is not part of the lifestyle unless they actually test regularly if a person is just fucking around and not taking their own sexual health seriously then they're not part of the lifestyle unless they actually test regularly.
If a person is just fucking around and not taking their own sexual health seriously, then they're not part of the lifestyle. They're just some random person who enjoys sex. I get it. Testing is not sexy. It can be uncomfortable to talk about testing with a couple you find supremely attractive and want to fuck. I get it. I can talk about how to handle that conversation, maybe help you out with that. Right now, we all collectively, as a community, need to reduce and remove the stigma around STI testing. Let me come back to that stigma in a minute. I do want to clarify a point.
I don't want to come across as doom and gloom, and I do not want to discourage anyone from taking part in the lifestyle because of the risk of catching an STI. Yes, participating in the lifestyle does carry a risk of being exposed or contracting an STI. This ain't a popular idea to think about or talk about, but damn it, we are all in this together and you are listening to me and that's the truth. Being in the lifestyle, having sex does have a risk. No matter how much you mitigate and test and plan, that risk though is never absolutely zero.
To put this in perspective, everything we do in life has an inherent risk involved. Do you drive a car? Do you drive a 2,000 pound metal box powered by many gasoline explosions at speeds our prehistoric human ancestors could never dream of? Every time another car passes you on the road, you are three feet from serious injury or death. Now, to mitigate the dangers of driving, you obey the traffic laws. You use your blinker, you pay attention to the road, keep distractions to a minimum, stay off your phone.
You're actively engaging in behavior that makes your driving safer, but the risk is never zero. Not to be too morbid, I know, but you know what the hell I'm talking about. You can do everything in your power to be safe. Does not mean everyone else on the road is doing the same thing. Same concept with the lifestyle. You ever stop to think about all the actions you do when you're driving? The only reason they make sense is because everyone else around you abide by the same rules. There's a social contract in place that everyone driving right now agrees to certain rules of the road.
And yeah, they're enforced by law, but it's the same concept with the lifestyle. Except our rules are not enforced by law. Our rules are enforced by social standards and community etiquette. Same concept though. There is a social contract in place. Just like there are jackasses who don't use their turn signal, there are jackasses in the lifestyle who choose not to test, choose not to use protection. Just like when you're driving, you're paying attention to everyone else on the road to make sure they are following the rules of the road.
You are taking personal responsibility for your actions when you are driving. In the lifestyle, you have to take personal responsibility for your health and your spouse's sexual health. When you're driving, you are paying attention to the cars in front of you, behind you, to the side, the other lanes. Are you paying attention to the trees that zoom past or the sky or wherever else can fucking distract you? No. Eyes on the road. You're purposefully focusing your attention on what matters in that moment.
That act is cutting through the noise, cutting through all the distractions that are out there. And with STIs, there's a lot of noise. What I mean by that is there's a lot of misinformation, disinformation. There's some truths. There's some irrelevant facts. You have to cut through that noise, figure out your personal testing standards and routine. To give you an example, if you have a personal protection plan that says, we as a couple always use condoms, no negotiation. You meet a couple and the other husband says, he can't use condoms.
He doesn't like the way they feel, or he can't get his dick hard if he's wearing a condom. And his wife is standing there backing him up, and they start pushing on you and your spouse to bend your personal rule that you've already discussed to accommodate his inability to get an erection. That's a fucking problem. And a side note here, if a man says, I can't get hard with a condom on, walk the fuck away. That dude is most likely bullshitting you. And let's break this down. For some reason, magic, I guess, his dick does not work if there is a thin layer of latex on it.
He is unable to achieve an erection because he is slightly uncomfortable. Get the fuck out. If you are one of those dudes who genuinely has a problem with condoms, you need to fucking practice. I see this happen with newbies, guys who have not used condoms in years and think, I just don't like them. Shut the fuck up and practice. Buy a box of condoms. Get like 40 of them. Put one on and have sex with your wife repeatedly. No, this is not as much fun as going bareback, but it's safer. It's safer for everyone.
The other and more likely scenario is this dude just doesn't want to use a condom, so he's come up with this fucking excuse. Walk the fuck away. That man is willing to throw out any semblance of safety because he doesn't like it. And insert a baby whiny voice here. I'm not doing the baby whiny voice. Just pretend I did it. Educating yourself on STIs and protection and mitigation cuts through the noise. And yeah, there are some bullshit ideas out there. Like you can tell if someone has an STD just by looking.
If you notice someone has sores or other unpleasantness on their genitals, you probably shouldn't be that close to begin with. Or another one I hear, oral sex is safe. This is extended to mean that girl-on-girl action is completely safe. No worries. If a couple only does girl-on-girl, then yeah, they don't need to test, right? It's only full swap sex that's dangerous with that nasty, dangerous-looking penis. This is bullshit as well. Have you ever heard of bacterial vaginosis?
It can be caused by nasty bacteria taking up in a vagina, and it's highly transmittable between vaginas, like girl-on-girl play. Learning about STIs take away their power to cause fear, just like me learning alligators can't get you in the desert. Maybe, sneaky fucking dinosaur bastards. If you're interested in learning more, I recommend finding resources that are lifestyle-friendly. Information about STIs is written from the perspective of stoking fear and shame a lot and perpetuating the narrative that all sex outside marriage is dangerous. It's not.
I recommend looking at the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, the Red Cross Sexual Health and STI information, OPEN, the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy, and the American Sexual Health Association. We need to learn from sources that understand our concerns as a community versus those that preach a story that is not conducive to the way we live. Are you ready to party in paradise? Risque Lifestyle Parties presents Pulsify 2025 at the Island Resort on the sparkling waters of the Gulf Coast in Fort Walton Beach, Florida, September 26th through the 28th, 2025.
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Microsoft Word is no help. I have butchered those two words so bad in this script, my computer can't even figure out what the fuck I'm trying to type. Here's my take on this. If it don't look right or smell right or maybe it's leaking, you should go get tested. Simple. Guys, you have had your dick your whole life. You know what your dick is supposed to look like. If it doesn't look like it did a few days ago, if it's red and angry, go to a doctor. If it burns when you pee, you know that is not normal and you need to get checked out.
Ladies, all that down there that y'all have is way more complicated than what men have. Again, same guidance though. If it's red, if it itches, if your vagina seems really pissed off at you, go to a doctor, get tested. Let me answer this question for you. You will ask, should I go to a doctor? It may come up. Should you go to a doctor? Yes. Should I get tested? Yes. It can't hurt. Worst case, you get tested and you're all clear for STIs. Then you have to figure out why your pecker is angry, but at least you ain't got an STI. There is no downside to getting tested if you have a concern.
To answer your question again from your Friendly Neighborhood Lifestyle Podcast, yes, go get tested. There's a stigma around testing that is completely unnecessary. I've encountered people who think that only dirty people or super active people should get tested. My favorite excuse I heard from a couple was that since they only play with clean people, they don't need to get tested. Or if you only do soft swap or girl on girl, you don't need to get tested because no one's ever caught an STI from cunnilingus, which is bullshit.
The stigma around testing is rooted in a couple of factors, shame being the biggest, I think. Let me ask this. Do you feel shameful when you catch a cold or the flu? Do you feel shame when you catch a stomach bug? I know people that as soon as they catch a cold, they're going to run out and tell everyone so they can give those precious pity points from other people. But STIs are different. There's a pervasive thought that only dirty or reckless or irresponsible people get STIs, which is not fucking true. Contracting an STI, that's not the problem. It's how people react to it in terms of shame.
The only solution to combating the stigma around STIs and testing is to normalize the behavior by talking about it. Shame should not stop you or me or anyone from maintaining their sexual health. Would you be ashamed to go to a doctor for a cold if they had a magic shot that cured it damn near instantly? Would you be ashamed to tell someone you have a cold knowing that it could only be under very specific circumstances? Would you feel shame for telling someone you can't hang out with them because you have a cold and don't want to get them sick? STIs are out there.
We as a community can do something about them. First thing is dropping the shame, not being afraid to get tested, not being afraid to get treatment, not being afraid to share our results, asking to see the results of others. This is how we will normalize these conversations, not hiding, not feeling dirty, not being scared of these conversations. I had a moment recently. My wife and I are in a chat group with two other unbelievably sexy couples. The two ladies. They are stunning. These two ladies, when they talk to me, I'm a gibbering mess. And the guys are good looking too.
We're sending chat messages back and forth discussing a possible group date and I knew what I had to do. The conversation was drifting towards fun fuckery, and I needed to say something. My pulse quickened. I was nervous. I was really nervous, which is rare because I'm also the guy who will yell out, sit on my face as a battle cry at parties. Summoning my courage, I put it out there. I said, my wife and I just got got tested and we are all clear. I wanted to share that with everyone. There was a long three minutes waiting for another person in that chat group to respond. Long.
Me staring at my phone, waiting. Thoughts running through my head. Did I ruin this potential engagement? Did I turn them off? Was it too early to say something? Why weren't they responding? Did they think I was weird? I share this with you. The guy who does a lifestyle podcast, I get nervous too discussing this and just dropping it on new people. One of the moments, that was one of the moments that inspired this episode because looking back on it, why the fuck was I nervous? This is a perfectly rational thing to ask in the lifestyle. I wasn't asking for their past three months of play history.
I wasn't asking for butthole picks. I was just sharing our personal status. I was showing that I'm a responsible member of the lifestyle community by bringing this up. Three long minutes later, one of them responded. One couple got tested the week prior. They were all green. The other couple were going in two weeks. Once everyone had the results, everyone's still interested, and the conversation flowed into what to do on our date. I was nervous, and I realize now that my nerves were unfounded, misplaced.
Looking back on it, I should not have been nervous, but I was, and I have years of experience at this. For a newbie, when we were new, I know how much consternation bringing up SDI status can cause. It can and is stressful, but it shouldn't be that way. As a community, we need to hold each other up to a high standard. You should feel comfortable discussing testing. SDI testing is a huge part of our social contract with each other. You are fully empowered to bring up your own testing status. That's the trick. Bring up your own status. There's two possible outcomes.
The other couple will then divulge their own status or results or the other couple will not. If the other couple does not, then you may need to press a little and you might need to ask directly about their testing protocols and ask to see their last results. If the other couple cannot produce them or even worse, they get offended in the slightest that you dare ask for that. Walk the fuck away. People should not get offended when you ask them about what safety precautions they are taking for the sake of their health and marriage.
What are the safety precautions that we can take in the lifestyle at a minimum to reduce our collective risk of contracting or being exposed to an STI? Use condoms. It is such a simple thing. But Jason, you may say, I heard that condoms do not protect you from all STIs. And what's the point if everybody is clear? Condoms diminish the pleasure of the moment. See all all that. That is the noise I'm talking about. That background noise and chitter and chatter of what-ifs and alternatives that people are going to throw out to convince you to change your safety protocols.
Do I know that condoms will protect you 100% of the time? Science says maybe or maybe not. Doesn't matter. No act outside of abstinence is 100% in every sexual situation. Condoms will lower the risk of transmission. How much? I don't fucking know. Every percentage point of risk mitigation, though, is worth it. What else can you do? Have a testing schedule. Every two or three to six months, both partners need to get tested, both of them. In addition, keep records. Go buy a planner and keep it safe on your phone. Record somewhere the couples you have been with. Keep track of your fuckery.
The reason is, by testing every three months, you have established a break point. You know prior to a certain date, you and your spouse were all clear. If on your next test, you are not clear, you know there is a three-month window of people that you need to notify based on the fuckery logbook you kept. Yes, I know some STIs have a longer incubation period than 90 days, and someone is thinking, but what about this? What about that? This is a general guideline for you. You need a simple plan to follow. I'm trying to keep it simple.
I'm aware that some STIs may have a longer incubation period than 90 days. If that is a concern, then test more frequently. What about couples who only play once a year or are on a cruise? Test prior to your trip. Test when you get home. But that's two tests within a two or three week period, Jason. So, and? You know going on your trip that you were all clear. And when you get home, you wait two weeks and you test again. And to be on the safe side, take another test 90 days later. That sure sounds like a lot of testing. It is. To be safe in the lifestyle, we need to test a lot.
Regular testing is very important. Testing should be a routine practice, not a crisis response. Oh, shit. Oh, my God god, oh my god! Ah! Holy shit! Ah! Okay! I squirted. I'm sorry. As the chill of winter settles in and you cuddle by warm fires, drink hot cocoa, and snuggle with friends, it's time to dream of something warmer. National Lifestyle Weekend is turning up the heat in Las Vegas in just a few short months, June 19th through the 21st, 2025. Join us for a celebration of freedom, connection, and unforgettable moments.
The sun will be shining with bikinis, music, and the best vibes on the planet. Mark your calendars. Get your tickets for the biggest lifestyle party ever at National Lifestyle Weekend. Tickets are available at thatotherlifestyle.com. If you were notified that you may have been exposed, then test. If you have a suspicion, then get a test. Ask for those test results. Ask other couples about their testing routine. These steps need to be incorporated into your personal sexual health routine. Fuck me, Jason.
This sounds like a lot of testing, which can get pricey, and I want to talk about that in the next episode. Couples may choose to save money by alternating tests. The wife takes a test in January, the husband three months later in April. Then the wife will take a test again in three months after that. Two tests for each person per year, roughly. I think that sounds right. Is this effective cost-wise? Yes. Safety-wise, I'm not a fan of this method. This method works for some couples depending on their activity level.
The logic behind this method is if the husband contracts an STI, the wife will inevitably contract it as well. So depending on the overlap of test, yeah, that STI is going to show up. Logically, yeah, this makes sense. In practice, though, I see issues with this plan. Yes, some STIs are very virulent and will transfer super easy between spouses. Others, not so much. There could be outside factors, like maybe the husband and wife did not have sex in those three months. You don't know. You don't live with them.
Theoretically, the husband could contract an STI in February, as in my previous example, not have sex with his wife for a month, so her test in March or April comes back clear I don't live with them. Theoretically, the husband could contract an STI in February, as in my previous example, not have sex with his wife for a month. So her test in March or April comes back clear. Then they do have sex and no one knows about their STI status until her next test later in the year. I know a lot of couples use this method.
If it works for you and you feel safe and your partners feel safe with this approach, I can't knock it. But there could be a better way. Remember, tests are snapshots. The test you take is a snapshot of your sexual health on that day at that moment. And I know some people are pondering while I whisper in their ears, what happens if someone takes a test on a Monday, gets the results, then has sex on a Saturday and contracts something? That's a right bitch, ain't it? That's why I say it's a snapshot. Yeah, the person getting that test is all clear on Monday, not clear come Sunday.
It could happen. It could totally happen. Again, that is where having honest conversations with potential partners comes in. I don't need to know who you were banking last weekend. Just give me an idea of how active you are. That's helpful. And that's where comfort level comes in. Asking, does this other couple use condoms? Are they taking precautions with you? Because they're taking precautions with you, they're probably taking precautions with others. All that to say, there is no one true safety plan for everyone. Everyone has their own risk threshold.
What they may feel is necessary for them to feel safe enough to enjoy the lifestyle. And you have this. I know you do. This episode and the next two are not here to dissuade you from enjoying sex and the lifestyle. Not here to dissuade you from enjoying sex with other people and jumping into an orgy. I want you and everyone to enjoy the lifestyle safely and responsibly. Yes, there is a risk. That risk is never zero. But do not let the risk scare you away from the lifestyle. In media, whenever sex is depicted as fun, what always follows next? The characters who had sex are punished somehow.
It is a Hollywood trope that makes the vanilla crowd feel so much better about their boring fucking lives. The vanillas can sit back and say, see, if we engage in that behavior, we could be punished by the universe somehow. And people may see STIs as some sort of divine punishment. They're not. STIs are not an indication that you are a dirty person. STIs should not carry stigma and shame. Most are easily treatable, and the ones that are not easily treatable are no longer a death sentence like they were 40 years ago. I certainly don't want one.
I hope I never contract an STI, and I hope you don't either. I'm not going to let my fear, my respect, stop my enjoyment of the lifestyle, and you shouldn't either. I have respect for STIs just like alligators. It's a healthy thing. It is the kind of respect that I am aware of. I am aware of the risk, and I'm going to do everything in my power to mitigate that risk. Just like when I drive to the gym every morning, I will obey the rules of the road and hope everyone else does.
In the lifestyle, I'm going to get tested regularly and form my potential partners in my status and have that awkward fucking conversation if I need to. The best sexual partners in the lifestyle are the ones who test regularly. Remember that. I always appreciate hearing your feedback and comments on episodes or suggestions for topics, so feel free to reach out to me at host at thatofthelifestyle.com. My website is also thatofthelifestyle.com. Personal disclaimer, really relevant today. I am not a medical professional nor a trained and certified educator of any way and any kind.
I am a guy with a microphone sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only, and please join us for the next episode. Remember, SDI testing is important and it takes a community to make a difference. Whatever you do today, I hope you have a fantastic time doing it. Come on back for the next episode.