Welcome to another episode of "That Other Lifestyle Podcast," hosted by Jason. In this eye-opening installment, Jason delves into the world of lifestyle newcomers, offering guidance on navigating this exciting yet complex journey. Discover the crucial role mentors play in helping new couples find their footing, and learn to identify the notorious "newbie hunters" who may not have the best intentions.
Tune in to explore the dynamics between mentors and newbie hunters, understand the importance of setting boundaries, and learn how to integrate into the wider lifestyle community. With humor, honesty, and a touch of wisdom, Jason provides a roadmap for newcomers to thrive in this adventurous world.
My links:
www.thatotherlifestyle.com
National Lifestyle Weekend Tickets
Naughty in New Orleans 2025 Tickets
Single Men's Guide to the Lifestyle Course
https://beacons.ai/thatotherlifestyle
Risque Lifestyle Parties
SDC.com
Transcript
good morning good afternoon good evening wherever you are i hope you have blue skies and let's talk to the newbies today welcome to the lifestyle podcast i am your host jason leave vanilla behind as we dive into this wild lifestyle today we are talking about newbies new couples and the role of mentors in the lifestyle and those dreaded newbie hunters you don't know what abie hunter is? You never heard that before? Stay tuned. The Men's Guide to Flirting is out and available at ThatOtherLifestyle.com. It's $29.99, y'all. Low price, easy price, a wonderful, happy price.
This course teaches men how to flirt. Whether you want to get better at flirting or you're joining the lifestyle after 20 years of happy marriage and now you got permission to flirt with women and you got no clue how to do it, I got you. Again, the course is available at thatotherlifestyle.com. Single men, I got a promotion for you. If you buy the men's flirting course, you can grab the single men's guide to the lifestyle for half off. That's 50%. That's a big number. Two courses to help you succeed in the lifestyle. I did a live stream on SDC last week to launch the course.
It went really good. People were asking questions. We got a lot of positive feedback. Go over to that other lifestyle on SDC and you can see the unedited raw video. Probably going to post it to YouTube in a few weeks after I clean some things up and join my group on SDC while you're there. I am on a quest to hit 20,000 downloads. I am getting so close. If you like the show, can I trouble you for a review? Anywhere, whatever platform you are currently listening to the show, drop me a review, five stars, a smiley face. I ain't picky. Every comment I get helps fuel my passion for this show.
Please know this podcast is intended only for adults. It is not safe for work. We will talk about adult or sexual topics, and I'm going to cuss a lot. This content is for entertainment purposes only, and again, only for those over 18 years of age. I also try to be as inclusive with my language and terms as I can. It can be challenging to formulate and write and say all the inclusive terms in every instance. For simplicity's sake and time management, I may use terms like husband or wife or partner or spouse, purpose of the narrative I'm sharing.
This podcast is for everyone though, no matter your background, gender identity, gender expression, or whatever truth you may be living. Everyone is welcome no matter how you personally experience the lifestyle and ethical, not monogamy. I started writing this episode and I threw away the first draft. My original idea was this epic, beautiful story of a couple washing on shore on Lifestyle Island. Disheveled and exhausted, they made the dive off the bow of the last boat to leave Vanilla World. In the inky darkness, judgment slithered in swims. Fear gripped their hearts. Fear of being outed.
Fear of peer pressure. Just fear. They fought the waves all night to wake up naked and afraid on a beach, unsure which way to go and how to get started. Then there was this whole framing device about them traveling to this island trying to figure out the lifestyle. Real allegorical shit. The whole idea became convoluted and I was losing the meaning of what I wanted to say. To summarize it, new couples join the lifestyle. They may encounter mentors who want to help them or they may be preyed upon by newbie hunters. And I need to explain the difference between a mentor and a newbie hunter.
Instead of going through this whole thing about go over here for resources and here's some online articles, fuck it. I want to focus on mentors and newbie hunters specifically today. This episode, I guarantee, is going to cause some internal cringing for somebody. Let me take this time to make a distinction. The distinction between mentors and newbie hunters is intention. Mentors have the intention to genuinely help. Even if they fuck it up, they genuinely want to help. Their intention is good. Newbie hunters, on the other hand, have the intention of taking advantage of newbies.
If you listen to this episode and you're suddenly wondering if you are a newbie hunter, let me ask, what is your intention? Is it to help people or prey upon them? I want to get that concept out the way. This episode idea came about while I was doing that webinar on SDC I talked about. I showed up to the webinar to talk about men, sexy men, sexy men flirting. That's not where the conversation went.
Watching the chat and the comments roll in, it was mostly people asking what I think are basic questions about the lifestyle, like what about protection and what about making profiles, stuff that my wife and I went through when we started the lifestyle. A facet of this lifestyle that is forgotten way too often is that everyone is new at some point. New people join the lifestyle every day and new people need guidance. Some people take to the lifestyle like a fish out of water. Others just flop around trying to figure this out. And the lifestyle is complicated.
It is mystical and daunting and it is weird. One of the reasons my show exists is to help newbies navigate through that awkward first year until they get their feet under them. Help newbies with advice. When a couple starts in the lifestyle, they have to get up to speed on a brand new culture with its own language and rules and etiquette. A culture that simultaneously somehow exists behind, above, below, separate, and in the shadows of the vanilla world.
So for instance, I often talk about single guys having to shift their entire mindset to function in the lifestyle away from their ideas of how dating works in the vanilla world. A good example is for single guys, they function independently, just one person, chasing a single woman. So they go to a nightclub, it's just them, and they're just trying to find a woman. In the lifestyle, you've got a couple to deal with and to connect with. The how of figuring out that dynamic is where good advice comes in. Same thing with couples.
They have to shift their outlook on dating and marriage and relationships to a whole new way of thinking. That shift can be uncomfortable and overwhelming. That's why all new people in the lifestyle need advice and help. There's great podcasts out there like mine and you should totally listen every week and tell your friends about it. We need to talk about, in addition to those resources, we need to talk about what a new couple who joins the lifestyle may encounter and where they can go for guidance. For every couple that walks, there is another that stumbles and it's no fault of their own.
This is a lot to figure out. That's where having a mentor person or a couple can be invaluable, but those new couples can also be prey to newbie hunters. Throwing out definitions here, a mentor couple is a seasoned experience couple that helps new couples in learning the lifestyle. It is a noble act. Newbie hunters, or, newbie hunters, I don't know what I'm going to say going forward, are couples that prey upon new couples in the lifestyle for their own motivations. Remember what I said about intent, one helps and the other hurts.
Another fundamental difference between mentors and the newbie hunters. You will find mentors. The newbie hunters find you. Mentors are going to help you integrate into the larger livestock community while those hunters try to separate you from the community. And why am I talking about this? Why am I talking about mentors and newbie hunters? During the webinar, there was a couple and I have no idea who they were. Maybe they're listening now. Hey, they began asking questions while I was chatting with the crowd. You know, at the end of it, you're like, give me questions.
They started asking very pointed questions. They said they were new to the lifestyle. Cool. Then they asked about what to do on a first date. Okay. I told them to do something unusual. Go play mini golf or go ax throwing, which is my personal favorite. You don't have to do dinner in a bar as a first date. They then clarified in another comment that their first date would be happening at the other couple's house. It's like, okay, cool. So I mentioned this other couple that this couple talking to me is going on a date with.
They're probably looking for fuckery and y'all need to be ready for that. Talked about setting boundaries, figuring out your rules ahead of time. Then this mysterious couple in the chat said that their date couple did not want to use protection. The other couple wanted to go bareback, which set off all kinds of alarm bells in my head. And funny enough, other people in the webinar chat thing, they started commenting on this as well. I told the couple that we all need to manage risk mitigation in our own way as safely as possible and as best as we can. And then it hit me.
They were dealing with newbie hunters and other people started saying the same thing. So it ain't just Jason being crazy, which that got me to thinking about mentors and newbie hunters. And what's the difference between the two? The existence of mentors is self-explanatory. The existence of newbie hunters is a secret that needs to be blown wide the fuck open. People need to know about this term and concept and what this is, what a newbie hunter is. Yeah, if there is an unpleasant side to the lifestyle, this is one of them.
But we cannot get better as a culture unless we address the icky parts of the lifestyle. And newbie hunters are just icky. I don't want to tell you why. Mentors are great if you find them. They are super wonderful people who help make the lifestyle better in every way. Newbie hunters are just bad, just fucking bad. I don't see anyone else talking about newbie hunters in the lifestyle thought leader space, so I figured, yeah, let's talk about that. But Jason, you think you always make the lifestyle sound like sunshine and rainbows and roses. And yes, there are a lot of positives in this.
But I would be remiss without mentioning the negative aspects, especially to all those newbies out there. One of the biggest differences is that you find mentors, newbie hunters find you. So you may go to a party and strike up a conversation with an experienced couple. They're going to start teaching you all kinds of things about the lifestyle, all the nuances and weird quirks. They might help you get into new social circles, but notice they did not actively hunt you down. They didn't reach out on a social site and say, hey, we can't help but notice that you're new to all this.
We're willing to devote our time and attention to you so that you can become successful in the lifestyle. The connection there is a lot more organic. On the other hand, the newbie hunters, they find you. As soon as you make a profile, within six to 24 hours, your inbox is going to be flooded with people reaching out. I know because this is what happened to us. Those messages might be well-intentioned invites to parties, other couples just reaching out, saying hi, but I fucking guarantee you at least two of them are going to be from newbie hunters.
They're going to offer to show you the ropes or test drive your wife, as one couple so eloquently put it to us. Word to the wise, never use that fucking phrase ever. Newbie hunters are actively on all the adult social sites, every single one of them, waiting for new members to join. I don't know how they do this besides obsessively hitting the refresh button every five minutes. A mentor is going to be honest with you. They will share the good and the bad sides of the lifestyle. They will help you figure out delicate situations. Mentors are fucking great.
They hopefully are even going to be brutally honest with you because the world needs more honesty. A mentor may tell you flat out you and your spouse, y'all shouldn't be doing this. Mentors are going to be honest with you on whether or not they think the lifestyle is a good fit for you. Granted, you and your spouse are the only ones who can truly determine that. But after you've been around a while, you can tell. You can tell who's a good fit for this lifestyle and who ain't.
And for those that this isn't a good fit for, it might not be a bad thing for someone to just come out and state that y'all need to reevaluate your situation, which sounds really harsh, I know. But people need a slap in the face every now and then. Why do couples mentor new couples? I know the vanilla thought is, well, they just want to have sex with you. Not really. Mentors genuinely want to help people to enjoy the lifestyle and enjoy helping people assimilate. There is nothing nefarious unlike those newbie hunters. I know for me, it is a lot of fun to talk to new couples.
The enthusiasm, the sheer wonder, and the flood of questions, their joy is beautiful. And it's beautiful to be a part of it. It's really fun to explain all the nuances of the lifestyle to newbies. The lifestyle can be desensitizing. It is fun for experienced couples to share stories of their escapades, dust off adventures, and reshare those experiences with others just to see the wonder it brings them. A threesome for an experienced couple, that just might be another Tuesday night. But for newbies, it blows their minds.
Sharing those stories, giving advice, helping people reinvigorates the passion that we all have for the lifestyle. Another key difference between mentors and hunters, mentors don't care if you have sex with them. It might happen, it might not. It's no big deal in the way. Newbie hunters, on the other hand, they are looking to get laid in the easiest way possible. Experienced couples require work and communication and talking. New couples, not so much. Mentors have been around this wild world enough to learn all the snags and traps.
They can share that knowledge with new couples freely and happily. Hunters, they ain't going to teach you shit. Nothing. They will only present the lifestyle in a way that benefits them. Mentors are going to show you the whole spectrum of savoring the lifestyle, like explaining full swap or soft swap or different ways to enjoy the company of others. Newbie hunters, way more rigid. They will only present the lifestyle via the lens they enjoy.
For instance, if the newbie hunters are full swap and they want full swap, they will try to convince newbies that full swap is the only proper way to experience the lifestyle because it helps them get laid. Another thing, protection. Using protection. A good mentor is going to tell you to use condoms. Mentors are going to explain the pros and cons of different kinds of protection, maybe their own horror stories, and then let you make up your own mind. Newbie hunters, though, I don't know why all the ones I've encountered, all the ones I've talked to, they don't want to use condoms.
Condoms are not necessary in their minds, in the newbie hunters' minds, because if you are new to the lifestyle, then you're automatically clean. That word clean is super problematic, and I ain't going to dive into it right now. Let's just get past it. You are not tainted with the sex juices of others. Newbie hunters assume that if you are new to the lifestyle, then you must be STI-free, which means there's no need for condoms, right? Which is total bullshit. Use a condom. Newbie hunters don't want to use condoms, as in the story I shared earlier.
Maybe they don't like them, or they logically, in their twisted brains, just don't think they're necessary. A newbie hunter is going to think, well, we have to be STI-free, whether they have proof of that or not. And side note, newbie hunters, they don't get tested. Always ask for test results from people. And if the newbie hunters are free of STIs and this new couple is obviously free of STIs because they're new, then there's no need for condoms, right? Here's a pro tip. If a couple doesn't want to use condoms with you, then that means they are probably not using condoms with other people.
For condoms, if there's a couple you trust, there's an established history of test results, everyone is open and honest about who else they're fucking, that could be a discussion. Y'all are adults. Make an adult decision by having an adult conversation. Newbie hunters, nah, fuck that. They ain't going to have that discussion. They're preying on the naivete of new couples to push going bareback because new couples don't know any better. Newbie hunters prey on new couples and take advantage of them. I said it. Fight me.
New couples who don't know any better who think all this behavior is okay because of ignorance. Why do newbie hunters do this? There's a couple of reasons. New couples are easy. Experienced couples can use their no. They know how to use their no, and they can be a lot more discerning. Newbie hunters know this. It is easier to get laid with a new couple than an experienced couple. New couples are easier to influence, and they're unsure of the dynamics of the lifestyle.
So if the hunters know this and can manipulate the new couple easier, if this all really sounds scummy and sketchy, that's because it fucking is. It's designed to satisfy your deepest desires. Whether you're playing solo or sharing the fun with your lifestyle friends, Motor Bunny takes control to a whole new level of intensity. And just for you, use promo code THATOTHERLIFESTYLE at checkout to get an exclusive discount. Go ahead, take a ride. You know you want to. there's a segment of people in the lifestyle who enjoy flipping vanilla couples. They get off on converting new couples.
I personally don't like this. My wife and I have a rule, no new couples. We have this rule because I don't want to be in the room when a man suddenly realizes he has a problem with his wife getting new dick or the wife realizing she doesn't want to do this. I don't want to deal with that. So we have a no new couples rule. I give my advice via a podcast. So that's my contribution to the community. Yeah, there are couples who actively enjoy converting vanillas or maybe they really enjoy being a couples first.
If that's your kink, I ain't going to shame you for it, but there's consequences for it. You may be fucking up a really good marriage by doing that. That other Thank you. Maybe they really enjoy being a couple's first. If that's your kink, I ain't going to shame you for it, but there's consequences for it. You may be fucking up a really good marriage by doing that. That other couple that you decided looked cute at the other end of the bar and then somehow seduced, yeah, they may not be okay with that after the fact.
I know people have free will, and in this dynamic, we're all assuming everyone is a consenting adult. But I also know horny brain is going to override a lot of logical decisions. Another key difference between a mentor and a hunter is boundaries and respecting those boundaries. It can take a while for a couple to decide to go full swap, you know, actually do the penetration. That's okay. Everyone can move up and down the spectrum of swapping as they see fit. Some couples, they never swap. Others stay at soft swap forever. They might go up to full swap, don't like it, go back to soft swap.
These are all personal preferences. That is then turned into a boundary for you. You set a limit. This is the line. Other people need to respect it. No pushing on it, hoping that you're going to change your mind. A mentor is going to respect your personal boundaries. If y'all have decided to only do soft swap, mentors and most LS couples, they're fine with that. Newbie hunters, they're going to try to push those boundaries. Newbie hunters present this argument as if, you know, if you're soft swap, then it's only inevitable that you're going to go full swap, which it isn't.
So you might as well be full swap with us right now. Yeah, let's go ahead and do this, even if you're not comfortable with it and your marriage is not ready for it but who the fuck cares the newbie hunters get off which illustrates a complete disregard for you as a person disregard for your marriage and total disrespect newbie hunters treat others like sex objects you are nothing more than an animated walking fleshlight to these people newbie hunters they're also going to attention bomb i say love bomb. That's not really right in the lifestyle context. Let's say attention bomb.
As in, they want to hang out every weekend. They want to text every day, which is fine with couples who share a connection and friendship. Fuck, hang out all you want. There are people I enjoy spending time with, but we grew into that sort of relationship, not right off the bat. The newbie hunters want you all to themselves. They are possessive. They're going to eat up all of your time so you don't have time to hang out with anybody else.
They don't want you hanging out and definitely not having sex with other couples because if you have sex with other couples, then you're no longer their clean special snowflakes. Newbie hunters, they're going to be jealous if you engage with other couples, be it just dates or even sex. But oddly, the same standard? The newbie hunters don't apply to themselves. Newbie hunters see themselves as free to do as they please with whoever they please. It's kind of one of those rules for the but not for me situations. This is straight up control. This is wrong.
This is where the nefarious aspects come in. Newbie hunters want to control new couples and how they experience the lifestyle. Another difference, mentors and newbie hunters, something you can take away to check what you're dealing with. Mentors will want you to, and will actually introduce you to the larger lifestyle community, be it local chat groups or meetups or friendships.
Mentors their best to help you integrate to help integrate new couples into the wider lifestyle world newbie hunters on the other hand no fuck that they will not help new couples integrate into the wider community because then there's the danger the new couple will make new friends and it's going to be harder for the hunters to control them mentors openors open doors for you, while hunters will close those fucking doors and keep them locked shut. The progression of a relationship comparing mentors to newbie hunters is also important. For mentors, the ultimate goal is you no longer need them.
They may stay friends with you and be part of your LS tribe, but there's only so much mentoring they can offer. After a new couple gains experience, there's no need for a mentor. You can stand on your own two feet or four feet and go experience the lifestyle however you want. Newbie hunters? No, fuck that. You do not outgrow them. They drop your ass. Whether dramatically or simply, hunters are going to move on. Once they have exhausted their target, they move on. In the hunter's mind, you're only wanted and worthy if you're new.
If you're no longer new, as determined by their own fucked up criteria, they drop you. That criteria could be time or it could be if the new couple meets another couple and has sex with them or whatever. Newbie hunters will move on to new prey. That's a fundamental sign of what you're dealing with. The new couple, as they gain experience, i.e. has sex with other couples, that taints the view of the newbie hunters towards their prey. So you're no longer clean and shiny. Get the fuck out the door. A mentor will want you to grow in the lifestyle.
You might make mistakes, but they will be there to support you as you make those mistakes. Newbie hunters are the mistakes you make. If I can offer advice to new couples and however you determine that you are personally new to the lifestyle, some people measure their newness based off of number of couples, which I ain't a fan of. Others use time, which I think is a much better metric. Time brings experience. You learn what you like and what you don't like. Your personal rules will evolve based on what you have to deal with. And I like that.
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Tickets available at thatotherlifestyle.com. My advice to new couples is to be wary of newbie hunters. I don't know. of newbie hunters. Be on the lookout. Quantifiable signs you are dealing with a newbie hunter. Not all couples that reach out to you on a social site are newbie hunters, let me say that. Even the ones that say really dumb or crass or sexist remarks because they might just be bad at flirting. The more concrete signs to look out for, controlling is one.
Is this other couple trying to become your sole interaction with the lifestyle as they insist and want you to hang out with them exclusively? We are adults and we can associate with whoever we want. In general, the lifestyle has a don't ask, don't tell policy. If one of our friends goes out on a date with somebody else, I'm not going to ask for details. And I'm not going to share details of our own adventures with others. As long as everybody had fun and if y'all did fuck, it was done safely. That's the limit of my give a shit meter. Newbie hunters want to control you.
They want to isolate you from the larger community, which could take the form of them not wanting you to go somewhere like a party or a club. Remember, if they lose control, they lose control if you meet new people. They lose their exclusivity with you. If you are the only couple they associate with, then they don't have to worry about the competition. Sliding right next to that, being overly interested in what you do without them. As I said, generally there's a don't ask, don't tell policy. But if another couple starts prying into who else are you seeing, what are you doing with them?
Did you have sex with them? Did you use protection? Who are they? What are their names? Where are they from? Like really prying for fucking details here. That's not cool. It's no one else's business who you're fucking, period. I'll throw this last tidbit in here too. Newbie hunters tend not to be connected or plugged in very well with a local livestock community. And this makes sense if the local livestock community is made up of experienced couples I don't know. tend not to be connected or plugged in very well with a local lifestyle community.
And this makes sense if the local lifestyle community is made up of experienced couples and newbie hunters only want inexperienced couples, there's nothing for the newbie hunters in that community. Now, newbie hunters may claim they can introduce newbies to all these new friends and communities, but that rarely happens because see all my previous points about control and isolation.
Plus, once a couple has as a newbie hunter most experienced couples don't want to deal with them the act of bringing in newbies into the lifestyle is not glorious glamorous or a noble thing you don't get a fucking trophy for it it is not a point of pride in the livestock community of how many new couples you can mentor and or have sex with. We get asked by vanilla people about new couples. People in the vanilla world look at newbies the same way as newbie hunters, so there's a parallel here. They think newbies as fresh meat ready to be fucked and enjoyed, and that's wrong on so many levels.
Maybe newbie hunters are really vanilla people dressed up as lifestyle. I think this is a vanilla construct that seeps into the lifestyle world. In the vanilla world, shitty people consider taking someone's virginity as an accomplishment. It's not. It's not a notch on your belt, nor should it be considered a mark of manhood, but it is because the vanilla world's fucked up. There is an analogous thought here that vanilla people find the idea of being a couple's first LS experience as an accomplishment worthy ofown. The vanilla world thinks it's a thing. In the lifestyle world, it's not.
I have never heard anyone brag about being another couple's first experience. Never heard it. With new couples, they have no fucking clue what they're doing. The sex is going to be awkward. The interactions are going to be awkward. They have no idea how to pace and balance the experience, which is no fault of their own. Y'all just don't know. And that's okay. You learn. All those bad encounters teach you how to have good encounters. And overall, I'm not encouraging people to mentor or not mentor new couples. You do you. I encourage new couples to find mentors if you can.
Mentors can save you so much frustrations and headaches in this. Mentors will help other couples because it is a noble and good thing. Mentors are people who naturally fall into that role and enjoy it. That entails teaching and helping, not fucking. If a couple has sex with a new couple, okay, yay, congratulations, I guess. You had awkward sex with another couple who may or may not be 100% on board with this. Did you make their lifestyle experience better? Did you teach them how to be in the lifestyle? Did you show them proper etiquette and actions? That's the bigger question.
Did you leave that new couple in a better state than when they joined? Bringing in a new couple, fucking a new couple, is not an accomplishment. You don't win a prize. There is no grand ceremony. There is no pineapple badge given out. There's no big grand scene like at the end of Star Wars when they had the award ceremony and everybody's standing around clapping and then the Wookiee screams. That doesn't happen. No one is going to throw a parade for fucking newbies, and the newbies don't get a trophy either.
If you want to be a mentor, then please help couples to be better than when you met them. That's the criteria for a good mentor. Teach them, show them the way, help them through the awkward and the weird bits. Teach new couples about the lifestyle until they no longer need you. I know there are people out there listening right now who may be bothered by me sharing all the stuff I have about newbie hunters. It's a touchy subject.
If you are now having a little freak out in your brain that, oh my God, I'm actually a newbie hunter and I didn't know, you're're not the fact that you are freaking out and reevaluating how you operate is proof that you're not the real newbie hunters who are listening to this in their minds they're not guilty of any of this that was a heavy fucking episode let's talk about something happy risque lifestyle parties is throwing their halloween party on october 25th and 26th my wife and i will be there looking just fantastic. My wife, y'all, handmade my costume. She sewed it by hand.
I am so excited. I'm not going to spoil it now, but we will have pictures up on SDC after the party. If you can, I encourage everyone to check out the Risqué Parties. Their website is risquélifestylepartiesalloneword.com. I always appreciate hearing your feedback and comments on episodes or suggestions or topics, so y'all feel free to reach out to me. The Men's Guide to Flirting is out. You can check out my website, thatotherlifestyle.com, to find it. My personal disclaimer, I am not a medical professional nor a trained and certified educator of any kind in any way.
I am a guy with a microphone sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only. Please join us for the next episode. Whatever you may do today, I hope you have a fantastic time doing it. Know that you are appreciated and loved. Have a great day.
