Welcome to another episode of That Other Lifestyle Podcast. Today's guest is Lucas, a seasoned single guy in the lifestyle for over a decade. He shares his intriguing journey and unique perspective as a single man navigating couples' dynamics within the community. Discover how Lucas stands out in the lifestyle, builds respectful relationships, and what makes him successful.
We discuss the nuances of interaction, the importance of understanding couple dynamics, and the misconceptions surrounding single men in the scene. Lucas offers valuable advice to single men entering the lifestyle, emphasizing the need for respect, patience, and clear communication.
Join us as we delve into the world of threesomes, lifestyle events, and how to handle emotional connections that might develop. Whether you're in the lifestyle or just curious, this episode provides enlightening insights and practical tips to enhance your journey.
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Transcript
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Wherever you are, I hope you have blue skies. Welcome to that other lifestyle podcast. My name is Jason. I am your host. Leave Vanilla behind as we talk to a single guy today. This podcast is for adults only. We'll be diving into adult and sexual topics with plenty of colorful language, so it is not safe for work. If you are under 18, this is not the place for you. Stop listening. This show is all about experience. I am so happy to be joined today by Lucas, a single guy. Welcome to the show. I appreciate you hanging out with me.
Thank you so much, Jason. Very happy to be here and share my perspectives. Yes, thank you very much. So to tell you a little bit of a backstory, I met Lucas a couple of months ago. We had a little local bar meetup and a very good friend couple of mine brought Lucas to the party. There is a stigma. There is a hesitation a lot of people have about single guys coming to couples events. But I was okay because I trust this couple impeccably. I trust their judgment. And yeah, Lucas turned out to be just one of those stardom. stellar examples of a good single guy in the lifestyle.
And I want to take time today to let him have a voice, ask him questions, ask him, why are you so successful at this? You appear to be successful. And I don't know if it's just the good looks or the wonderful attitude, but you appear to be very successful at this. Lucas, why don't you just take a second, introduce yourself and just don't really know what to say about you. You're awesome. Thanks, Jason. Yeah, it would have been fun to get to know you as well. So yeah, I'm 36. I've been in the lifestyle for about 10 years, all as a single.
Most of that's because I've moved around so much that the long-term relationship aspect didn't really open itself up to me. So that's part of the reason why I've been a single for so long. And I just, I love the energy. I love the life. I love the friends that I have been able to meet. And a lot of these people, whether or not they're people I play with or not, have become very good friends of mine. And it's just a fun, relaxing way to be with people. And just, you know, when you're around someone that is like-minded, it's really the ultimate relaxation.
Whether or not anything is happening, you can just be you. I can respect that. I can dig it. So what is it about the lifestyle that does, what is so attractive about the lifestyle versus monogamous dating, single dating? Because you said you move around a lot. Is that the only factor? Is there something else that appeals to you about being in the lifestyle? I mean, that was definitely the initial factor and catalyst, I think. I've always been a very sexually adventurous person and have had fantasies about different things. And the lifestyle was a great way to explore those kind of things.
Groups and going different places and clubs and public, private, whatever. Great way to explore some of that. I also feel like I'm probably a difficult person to have a relationship with. I work a bunch of different I love to move around a lot. I'm not a person who likes to be still. I don't handle drama well. I detach myself from situations. I probably would be a tough person to be in a relationship with one-on-one because I just would rather step away from the situation than deal with drama. I would like a long-term partner eventually, but when that feels right, it will feel right. Okay.
Just jumping in. with the gun, just asking a question. Would you date a person who would you date a woman who is already in the lifestyle as a single woman, as a unicorn? Would that be something that you would think about? Or would you go back to not lifestyle, monogamous person? Either or. I would hope that that person at least would be open-minded to discussing the lifestyle if they weren't in it already. I would want them to at least be open to it. And I think that the way that relationship would develop It would either feel natural or it wouldn't. It's not something I have to do.
I would certainly love if that person was. If they're already in the lifestyle, are they aligned with the same kind of lifestyle that I am? It's a big community, a small community, and it breaks down even more into different things, right? There's single guys who are really into the bull scene or the cuck scene. That's not me. There's unicorns that are really into certain things that I'm not going to be into sometimes, and that person wouldn't be right for me. So if they're kind of in that same branch, same group of the lifestyle as me, Yeah, for sure.
So, and also just completely throwing off the entire series of questions we had, you said bull. How do you feel about the term bull? Because I don't like it. I've been very vocal. I don't like it. How do you feel about it? Because you are a single man. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't identify with it myself personally. I don't have a problem with the term overall being used because I think it kind of distinguishes a certain aspect of play. And some people are very into that. I'm not here to yuck anyone's yum.
So I think the people who identify as that and identify with it, it's a way for them to identify each other and find each other. For me personally, I don't identify with it when people refer to me as a bull. It just makes me cringe. It's not my style at all. So that's, for me, it's enough. Yeah. Got it. So how would you refer to yourself if you had to put a label on yourself to give our audience kind of an idea of where you're coming from, how you're operating? And I know it's hard. And I know I say single guy because that's just kind of a word, a phrase that fits.
I really don't know of a better phrase for single guys. And that might be part of the issue is we don't have better terms. We don't have better words in the lifestyle for that. Yeah. I mean, I don't mind being referred to as a third. Some people have said manicorn, whatever that may be. Manicorn. I like that one. That will not catch on, unfortunately. Yeah. Just I think the third is nothing too specific. It doesn't put you in a box. Third or single guy. I don't see anything specific in it. Okay, I gotcha. It doesn't have the same zing as some of the other words, like unicorn and bull.
It doesn't have an animal connotation. That's what we're missing. It's come up with some kind of animal word. I've heard the term dragon too. I don't know if that's more of a king thing. I'd have to look more into that as I was told that at one event that what I fell into the category of was a dragon. I don't know if that's true or not. I haven't really researched it, but I haven't really heard that phrase much. Up in Canada, they'll also use the term rhino for single men. So for some reason, we're just running with this animal motif with all of our terms to describe singles in the lifestyle.
I never noticed that. That's wild. Okay, back to where I was going. I've got an auto. track already. Your main dynamic is you are a third. You're a single guy who interacts with couples. And I really want to have you on the show today to give your perspective of when you are talking to a couple, when a couple is interested in you, what are you looking for in that couple? What are you attracted to in a couple? Yeah. So I think it all kind of goes to my kinks and what I'm into.
Some single guys in their lifestyle are all about like the thrill of having sex with somebody else's wife or showing off for kind of more of that Dom bull cuck scene that we talk about. Alpha. Alpha. Yeah. Like kind of just very, very them centered, right? The other people are just playing a role and them centered. For me, I really get off on seeing and being a part of these couples that are super, super into each other. That's a big, turn on for me.
You know, when these couples are madly in love, emotionally monogamous, on the same page with things, have their great dynamic together, that's really cool to me. And then I get to be a little slice, a little part of that, a little extra something. I'm not there to fill in anything. I'm not there to spice anything up, fix anything. Fix anything. Yeah. Fix anything. That's a big one I hear. I see it out line for somehow people think bringing in a third person is going to fix their marriage. No therapy will help you. This will not fix your marriage.
And I respect you that you understand the energy that people have as a couple. You're not trying to disrupt that because a lot of other guys, single men out there I've come across, I fucking hate whenever single men, their opening line is something about they can fuck my wife better than I can. Or the single guys want to out alpha me, which I can't stand that shit. Cause you know, we've hung out. I'm a big dude. You're not going to out alpha me. I just, yeah, that rubs me the wrong way. And I really appreciate you that you do not have that energy or approach with people. Yeah.
I mean, it's, I want everyone to feel respected and included. And it's fun for me to see these couples feed off of each other. And again, to be a part of that, it's like, an up-close show that you're interacting with. And that is really, really fun to me. And you can feel the respect and the energy. It's all positive. And it's a fun thing. I don't take sex super seriously. It's a serious thing. I don't take it super seriously. Some people, even the way they talk and chat, it's very aggressive. It's kind of dark. And I'm a fun, easygoing guy.
In the middle of a threesome, there's a good chance I'm going to laugh at something. And I hope that you laugh along too, because, you know, funny things happen and that's, that's what's on about it. It's a fun thing. Some people make it this like dark, domineering, spooky, scary, gross thing. And I'm like, this is fun. We should laugh. You know, when you are, when you're looking at a couple, so they have to have that emotional connection. They have to, I'm assuming some kind of maturity in their relationship. What are, what are things that you consider turn ons in couples? Is it physical?
Is it just a mental thing, an emotional thing you catch from them? Yeah. I mean, I guess there's two different ways you meet people right now. You meet people either online on an app or you meet them in person at a party, at a club, via other friends, et cetera. Online, I think I can dust things out pretty quickly based on the way that people talk and they'll tell me kind of what they're going for and that kind of adds or eliminates you to the list right then and there. Things, you know, the kind of pictures that they have, how they interact with you.
And out in public, you know, you can feel pretty quick if there's a spark. Are these people attractive? Are they not? What are they after? Are they just out there chasing numbers? Good for them if that's your thing, not my thing. So yeah, I think to be more specific about it, you know, online, if there's only pictures of the woman, I'm freaked out. I don't know what is there. I don't know how couples kind of go for that. because it's like you're just hiding a bomb. Oh, no, it's a red flag.
I don't know, but that's just like it shows me that the dynamic is skewed in one direction, and that freaks me out. And I like couples who are a match. So big age difference isn't for me. You both got to be good looking. I'm straight. I'm not doing stuff with the guy, but like, hey, we're getting naked in the same room. Let's try to be on the same level somewhere. So there's that. You can deal with people. are on the same page. If these couples are kind of saying different things and it's about half the time, interestingly enough, I feel like I talk to the woman, mostly setting things up.
And then the other half of the time, it's talking to the guy. And it surprises me that it's that much of an even split, but it really is. But, you know, based on who you're talking to, you know, how are they interacting in that conversation? Does it seem like the other person has a seat at the table or is it only driven by one person in the company?
Because I always want to have some good conversations with both sides going in and then to kind of have, you know, like a vibe check when you meet up, make sure that all that stuff that happened in the past in those conversations wasn't just saying the right thing to get something done. It was genuine and the vibe is actually there. I get all this.
I get everything you're saying and I respect the intelligence that you're putting behind it, that you're actually wanting to verify that both people are on board because I can see for single men and single women, how one person in the relationship might be driving the whole dynamic and then show up and it's a completely different thing than you thought. And it turns out there is no other woman or there is no other man. And it just gets weird. Shit just gets weird at that point. Yeah. I mean, and there's certain scenarios that I have made some big mistakes in the lifestyle early on. Right.
I mean, I've been in it for 10 or 11 years now and I've not always been perfect. I've made some mistakes and frankly put myself in some dangerous situations. And so I've used those experiences to save myself, save others the time and disappointment and just, you know, get it done right. And I, so I have the single men's guide to the lifestyle. I did that course last year. It's on sale on my website for $45 and it takes single men from explaining what is the lifestyle, how to get started in it, how to be successful.
One of the things I always, one of the things I say in the course is you want to be the guy that gets referred to other couples that, you know, online is great, but you want to be the guy that the couple's like, oh, we had a great time with him. He's a good, you know, the couples are referring you to other people. Does that happen a lot? That does, which is crazy. It's kind of trippy. And it's been the last four years I've lived in the same place. I haven't been moving a lot like I used to.
And so the evolution of this kind of second half of my lifestyle experience has been really more friendship based. I'm really getting to know people better because I'm not moving every six months. And that's really fun for me. And because of that, you kind of have more repeats, not just these one night stands and you get to know people really well. And I think honestly, more often than not, the connections I've made in the last couple of years, have been on a referral basis, which is really funny and trippy to me. But yeah, it's a lot of referrals. Like you should talk to this guy.
And you know, if I like that couple, they already like that. It kind of is like, well, you think you guys would get along. So just, you know, maybe meet up and talk or whatever. I can see the referrals being so much better than doing online dating and having to deal with all. What is the craziest intro message, if you can think of it, that you've gotten from an online, from someone reaching out to you online?
Yeah, but there's a few that are kind of similar, and it's this approach to single men that they think we're dick on dial is one of my biggest pet peeves, and it is the we're hot and horny in the hotel room now, and I get an up-close picture of a spread-out vagina, and it's kind of a come fuck me now, and if you don't, then what's wrong with you? Man, it is rare that those people are any good-looking at all, and it is just wild. Like, wow, I guess I have nothing better to do.
I'll put aside my five jobs I work and all my other responsibilities and just come fuck your wife now because that's what I'm apparently supposed to do. It's wild to me. No names, no conversations, no discussion of testing or any safety protocols. Just come on in the hotel room and just fuck somebody. And it's wild because I know for single men, not you, some single men, they will send out a hundred dick pics and get no response and then they don't understand what happened. It's interesting to hear that couples do the same shit. Oh, absolutely.
We're not treating ourselves or treating others with respect in all of this, which I really wish the lifestyle would get better about that. I think that couples do all of the things for the most part that single men do that give single men a bad rap. The difference is couples are punching from a protected space in the lifestyle where single men are not protected at all. Damn, that is fucking deep. I'm gonna put that on a t-shirt. That's just deep right there. There's this, you know, there's no protection for single guys and, you know, we're people, we have vulnerabilities too.
And a lot of times it's just, you know, the way that people interact because there's a woman with them or that women will act because there's a man with them that they're punching from a protected space. Um, and the single guys don't have that. So that's why if you were successful, successful as a single vote, you just have to move very cautiously because your reputation is everything. Damn. That's some deep wisdom dropping on us. I appreciate that. Okay. Okay. So we dropped some heavy stuff. Let's talk about sex. Let's talk about fucking. Let's go lighter.
I know I got some vanilla listeners and I've got listeners out there who might be interested in a single guy. I never encountered it. How do you handle sex? How do you talk ahead of time? Do you figure out where the dicks are going to go? Like, how do you do that? Yeah. I mean, you have to talk about a little bit of the logistics of things. It's not to talk about. It can get to that point, you know, where it's more of a sex and conversation, but you kind of got to know what they want and is what that couple wants line up with what you want.
You know, you don't want to show up to a seafood restaurant and find out that It's nothing but fruit bowls being served. Like you got to know going in what you're both want out of this experience, you know, specifically with couples and threesomes and MFM, I guess you got to know, you know, is it, does the guy just want to watch? Does he want to be involved? Are there certain positions or acts that they want? Are you into those? Do you have any yeses or nos? Can you find a common ground within that? And then you should probably just part ways. Nothing personal.
But yeah, you do have to have some logistics of like, hey, are you into, you know, DP or DVP or impact play or, you know, different things that can fall on the spectrum, you know, and if you feel like, all right, there's enough there we can work with and this person is going to respect our boundaries, they're going to respect mine, then yeah, you kind of go into the experience, not with the playbook, but an understanding of what's acceptable and what's not.
And then you work with in that and that's what makes it a good experience because nobody does anything weird or goes rogue or tries to pull something off you know she says she's not into anal and you try to go for it that's probably not going to work out well that's how you get a donkey kick that's yeah that's a good way to lose an appendage or two um and look i've always said you know i want to go in there with the utmost respect of them and then having it for me because one thing i never want to do in my life is fight naked i just don't want to do it um game to me like it just you know no I just don't want to get in a fight naked it should be all fun at that point how okay avoiding fighting naked how soon or early or the discussion about the experience and for BDSM they call them scenarios but I don't know that's appropriate but the experience when do you like to have that conversation I'm assuming not when you're naked about to have sex honestly it's pretty early on in the vetting process you know I kind of like to get to it quick and make sure that people are not just out there's some people that are out there just for the chat just to collect pictures I try to weed those people out as quickly as possible try to get to the specifics what are you into I let people know right up front I don't do any cuck or humiliation type stuff I don't do anything that's overly rough rough a little bit but not like brutal it's just not me I'm a nice guy I would laugh at myself if I tried to call someone like a little bitch boy or something i would just bust out laughing so you kind of get something that early on to make sure you're on the same planning field and then you can get a little bit more specific as you go um but yeah i like to kind of get right to like hey you seem like a great couple pictures i like to mention something from the profile that proves i've actually read their profile yes um you know so kind of give some you can give some feedback on that and just kind of figure out where they stand but i like to get there pretty early on and same thing with with testing because why am I going to waste all my time on this conversation with someone if they're not going to keep me safe?
And more importantly than that, it doesn't keep the people who are trusting me for me to keep them safe. It's not really about me. It's about the other people who are trusting me. You kind of have to figure out pretty early on if that's going to be a good dynamic or not. Good stuff. All right. We're going to take a quick break, quick commercial break. And when we come back, we're going to talk about advice for single men because y'all are fucking up left. right?
And I got Lucas on the call with me today and we're going to talk, we're going to give you all some better advice that you're getting out there. So stay tuned. Be right back. Are you ready to party in paradise? Risqué Lifestyle Parties presents Pulsify 2025 at the Island Resort on the sparkling waters of the Gulf Coast in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. September 26th through the 28th, 2025. Come for the two-day party that will take When you go out for a wild night, you want to be the hero of your own epic story. You want to do the kind of things the vanilla world can only dream of.
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Be safe out there. Be a hero of your own story. Use promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order at stdhero.com. Welcome back, everyone. Today, my guest is Lucas, a single guy in the lifestyle. I respect him. He is fantastic at what he does. I would say he is successful at what he does. And I definitely want to have him on the show today because I know I have a lot of single men who listen to the show. And I want to pick his brain. I want to pick Lucas' brain on advice to help single men be more successful in the lifestyle. All right, we're just going to start at the beginning.
What advice would you offer to men who've just learned about the lifestyle? Maybe they stumbled on a show or found a website or a party. What would you say is the first thing they need to do? I know what I'm going to say. What would you say is the first thing they should do? Spend more time learning before you dive in. I was going to say shave their balls, but your answer is much better too. Your answer is much better. Yeah, you got to learn and learn. Really figure out the dynamics. See what's out there. Go window shopping first. Be on the sites.
Don't throw yourself out there too quickly because you don't know how much you don't know. And so really understand that these are people and these are their lives and everyone needs to be respected. So move slowly. Learn a lot before you try to have that first experience. And don't put expectations expectations out as you go when things happen now. What mistakes do you see other men in the lifestyle make repeatedly often that you wish you could just shake the shit out of them and tell them to stop it?
Yeah, I think a lot of guys maybe just don't have any game and they see it as an easy way to bang someone's wife because it's kind of just presented and they could never approach a woman in a bar or something. I'm a pretty shy guy. I admittedly have a hard time approaching women, but when I do, I'm intentional about it. I think a lot of guys think that maybe because they have a giant dick that there's some blessing descended from the heavens and everyone will just drop everything they're doing and go running for this giant dick. That's absolutely not true.
I don't have a little dick, but it's not gigantic either. That's not the reason why I'm successful. I'm successful because it works. That's a big thing too. If you have issues, there's nothing wrong taking Viagra or Cialis or something to help you, I recommend you do it because it's just an insurance policy. No one wants to go in the airsoft. So yeah, guys just think it's all about their dick and it doesn't matter how big it is. Hopefully it's not a tiny one. Maybe you'll find someone who's into that too. If that's you, you will find your people.
Yeah, it's not about this giant 10-inch dick or something. No, that's not. No, don't think about it like that, I think is one thing. And also... Don't be throwing pictures of it out there. I hate sending pictures of it. I hate taking pictures of it. It never looks right to me in the camera. So yeah, just stop with the dick pics. I mean, if someone really wants to see it and you feel comfortable sending it, fine, but never just throw it out there. Throw it. That's the opening statement. It's a high and a dick pic. And I don't understand why some dudes just...
And like you bring up with couples too, they'll just send out like a super close-up of a vagina and... And not really doing much for me here because I want to see the person attached to the vagina. Women want to see the person attached to the dick to see what you look like. And look, I think sending a picture that's shirtless or a tasteful nude that maybe doesn't show everything, that's a great intro. And I think a lot of guys don't show enough care in their first message to couples. Like I said, I always try to pull something from their profile.
I want them to know that I read their profile, that I know, that I understand their dynamic with the information that they put out there. Then it's like, yeah, I'll include a picture or a password to an album or something along with that is important. What would you say is a way for a man to stand out in the lifestyle? Personality-wise, dress, appearance? I'll just say what I know has worked for me. Be in good shape.
You don't have to be a bodybuilder or something but put some effort into yourself um just in general please uh be well groomed i'm not a hairy guy but there's not much hair on me i shave it off just about everywhere at this point um be well groomed be in good shape you know don't be an over drinker uh especially at clubs and stuff like it's totally fine a drinker too but like really under drink what you would in other settings um being in talk in any sexual setting is not a recipe for success, especially for men.
We talk about having no protection in this world, and that is a great way to expose yourself to more bad stuff. So don't be overly high or drunk in those settings, and talk to people. Talk to people in a way that is not sexual. Just have a conversation with them. Leave them wanting more. And then when they see you a second or a third time at the club or see you in a chat, they might be intrigued. Let things build slowly and naturally. It's okay to kind of get a little bit more sexual as you feel that energy is right, but just be nice and have conversations.
There's been plenty of people who I've known for a couple years before anything happens. There's other people who things happen kind of day one if everything works out. But yeah, just be patient. Don't have an agenda. Your night is not a failure if you meet with a couple and it doesn't end in play. It might be a step in the right direction. It might be that that door is closing and that's probably a good thing if it didn't work out. So yeah, just I think some of that and be nice and polite.
Like that's the reason that I get recommended to people is they're like, this guy's fun to hang out with. He's super nice and respectful and that goes a long way and that's why I get invited into spaces where other single guys are not invited into because they know that I'm safe and I'm not going to cause any issues. You really do. You've been to our house parties, And I've always found you to be nice and respectful. I don't have to worry. I don't have to worry about you, which sounds strange to say, but it is a concern that, you know, with some single guys, depending on where you are. Yeah.
I do kind of have my guard up because some of them fuckers are crazy and you just don't know what dumb shit people are going to pull. Well, and this is the other thing that I will say, you know, for couples, let's not confuse single guys who are in a lifestyle situation. setting as single guys who are in the lifestyle. Just because you're in that setting doesn't mean you're in that lifestyle. And I think there's a lot of guys who aren't necessarily in the lifestyle. They're out there just for a mission. And they're the ones who are constantly screwing things up for guys like me.
Versus guys who are in the lifestyle, they understand the dynamic of respecting people's relationships, not being a creep, you know, being all of these things. And those are usually the people that have, you know, a couple check marks or validations on their profile. There's a reason that those people are popular because they're a decent human being. So yeah, look for people that maybe have a little bit of experience and aren't just like totally brand new to it.
I find it interesting how, I don't want to say easy, but how you just stand out from the pack and how a lot of the single guys I do know that have come into our orbit that I've met, they stand out. They just stand out by being not like everyone else, not being these big alpha types or being, you know, running around saying they're a bull when they're five feet four with weighing 140 pounds or the energy that they're putting out there. People like it. People are receptive to it. And like you say, you do get invited to spaces that would not normally allow single men in.
And I always had a vision in my head of going to a sex club and there's like 50 single dudes standing by a bar. What the hell do I tell one of them? How do I tell one of them to stand up from the crowd without being a creep, without being a jerk? And I know physical appearance is one factor in that. Well, it helps. I mean, I'm, I'm by no means any GQ model or anything. I'm a good looking guy who's in shape, but, uh, you know, it's, uh, and that helps talking about help.
I'm certainly in that category, but I'm not like a big alpha guy that looks like I'm not going to, you're not gonna see me in pornos or anything, but like, it's just, you know, it be nice. Be respectful. Make sure your dick works. And just be chill with it and things will happen for you. Be you. And if you're trying to be something, it's going to get sussed out real quick and you're going to look like an idiot. Right. Totally agree. And I tell men to have golden retriever energy, which is something I've noticed from you. It's using the analogy.
If you go to a party and you let a chihuahua out into the room, they're going to run up to everyone's ankles.
They're going to be yipping and barking all night but if you walk in there with a golden retriever they're just gonna chill they're just gonna sit down and just pull in all these ladies to come over there and i've been to parties where single men are there and we were at one party where this one single guy he was bouncing around every woman that walked in the door he was hitting up like you want to fuck and just he sucked on one lady's toes that was a whole thing but there was this other guy there there was this other guy there he was just chilling he was he was He's a brilliant man.
He just stood by the food and stood by the snack table. And everybody just kind of said hi to him and they all appreciated he was there. And I think he made a couple of connections. So I've seen it in action where the energy that you put out, the vibe that you put out definitely pays dividends. And it doesn't do anybody any good to just run around trying to chase every single woman in the club because that ain't going to work. Well, and at those parties too, here's the other thing. talk to the guys.
If you ignore the husband, he's already going to feel like he's being cucked, like you don't respect him. If anything, I probably talk to the husbands first and more than most of the women because I really want it to be known that I'm not here to steal anything from you. I'm not here to do anything better than you. I'm sure to have fun and good time and I don't have expectations. Then oftentimes, the husband introduces me to their wife Oh yeah, I've talked to her a little bit earlier in the evening, you know, and then give them some space to have a little conversation themselves.
If maybe they want to talk about you or something, but talk to the husbands. You'll learn a lot about that couple's dynamic because a lot of times guys are more comfortable being vocal about what a couple wants sexually. A lot of women are a little bit more hesitant to do that because of slut shaming. Um, but like, yeah, talk to the guy. You'll get a really good idea of where things stand and where you stand. That's good advice. Don't be scared of the husbands. We're nice people. we'll shake your hand, we'll say hi, we'll fill you out, you know, before we let you know our wives.
For single men in the lifestyle, what are the don't dos? Anything specific that they should not do? And I know we talked a couple of things, but I just want to be specific to the guys who are listening, like, don't do this shit, coming from a single guy. Keep other people's privacy private. You know, people may figure out who you've played with and so on and so forth. And if they do find But, you know, as you talk about other experiences you've had, try and leave people's names out of it. Because you don't know, you know, different people's privacy boundaries and stuff.
So, you know, keep things hush-hush and respectful. You know, there's a lot of people who I think would love to know, like, did, you know, Lugas play with this couple or that couple? And I kind of like the tease of, like, they don't really know, but they can have an idea. And they might be right, they might not be. So, yeah, be a little bit of loot.
And then, you know, I think for guys who are starting out of just let it build slowly when I first started I maybe had like an experience or two a year and then there's been some years where like yeah I've been an absolute whore you know a safe one a safe one no slow shaming here you do you you be as active as you want right but you know just let it happen as it will and don't make it personal success or failure things are happening too fast or too slow just be patient be nice and have fun have fun with it. It's a fun thing.
And I think when people kind of relax into the space, they find that they have a lot more fun. Any other advice? Because I enjoy talking to you and I enjoy picking your brain about all this stuff. And I like having the single guy's perspective because I can say it from a married guy looking at a single guy. But yeah, from coming straight from you, somebody I would consider successful at this, that advice is priceless, especially for guys who are looking to start out. This is all gold, good stuff.
refer back to the stuff that I said and I think for couples too I talk to a lot of couples that act like finding a single guy is really hard because they're get so bombarded by the guys that are not the good ones are not in the lifestyle and not respectful of them but you know to those couples to reach out to you guys look for guys who seem like they have some experience talk to your friends in the lifestyle about the guys that they've had success with would they recommend any of those guys those kind of things. Look for those safe bets.
Also, don't be afraid to expose yourself to a safe scenario where single guys may be present. I think a lot of couples are open to a single guy, but it's just an intimidating thing for them to go after because they just feel like they're going to get so exposed or so hurt. Don't be afraid of that. Look for people to have some experience that are attractive and respectful. Go for it. Go meet up for a coffee or a lunch or something. And if there's a vibe, then yeah, maybe talk about, you know, moving forward.
I guess when we touch on feelings, the feels, catching the feels, if a couple, one of them, the lady starts catching the feels, are there red flags you look for? Are there, how, how do you handle that? Yeah. So I think, you know, with those repeat kind of things that I'm experiencing now, it's how do you communicate? I am not going to communicate with the woman one-on-one unless I have experience permission to do so. And I love it when that happens, but not unless there's permission. I try to keep it up with both people.
I haven't really felt that I've had women gaining too much feelings for me. Sometimes if I do, I kind of put a pause on things and make sure we're all on the same page. Because again, I'm not there to steal anyone's anything or be better or anything like that. So I kind of try to keep that distance. And then for myself, I'm an emotional being too. So, you know, I have feelings as well. And these people become pretty good friends. Men have feelings? What the shit? But, yeah, you know, it's like I've developed some really, really close relationships right now.
And, you know, sometimes I have to remind myself too, like, you know, you're not in their relationship. You have a relationship with them, but you're not in their relationship. And you can love these people truly in a way and not be stepping on their toes because I really respect emotional monogamy. I think a lot of people who are in the lifestyle right are monogamous emotionally. They're just a little bit more open on what they do sexually.
So yeah, if you're really starting to feel like you're falling for someone, really in love with them, or they're doing that for you, I think that's really a sign that everyone needs to just pump the brakes and step back a little bit because that's just a very dangerous situation to get into. Yes. And it applies to couples too. If couples dynamic gets kind of weird and wonky and somebody starts developing the feels like you got to stop, communicate and stop because that is not going to lead anywhere. Good. Yeah. You feel like there's communication as a single guy.
If you feel like there's communication coming your way that the husband doesn't know about, that's a red flag. Yes. You're saying different things to you and private versus public. That's a red flag. If you're in the couple and you feel like she's just talking to too much to that guy and it's making you feel uncomfortable, you got to check it. Yes, you need to leave LSD at the door, but you don't need to leave common sense at the door with it. Make sure you're having those talks as a couple about the dynamic. How do you feel after every encounter?
You should probably have a debrief of how was that, no matter how experienced you are. What was good, what was bad. Keep that openness going. That's what I love about couples in the lifestyle. I think if they can do this kind of stuff, they're so much stronger because they can talk about anything. But make sure you talk about this too. Definitely. So if someone has a fantasy, if a man or woman has a fantasy to involve a single man, what do you think would be a good conversation starter? Just blurt it out one night at a red light? Yeah.
I think all these couples always talk about their fantasies, whether or not their fantasies that they actually want to make happen or not. I mean, I think sometimes you see something in porn that is really attractive and hot and sexy, but you don't want to necessarily do it. You think about the logistics of it, and you're like, eh, you know, that's not really... Not for me. Yeah, yeah, get that. Talk about that. I think some dirty pillow talk is a great way to explore things. A lot of couples have talked about the fantasy of a single guy for years before they do anything.
And, you know, let it be some pillow talk. Let it be some role play. Send some dirty pictures that you see to each other or links to different You know, if you're people who watch Horn, send that to each other. It's a great way to talk about your fantasies and get things out in the open and then be like, hey, do we want to do this? You know, go to a club and don't participate. Just maybe kind of see what's going on. You know, watch people a little bit if they're okay with it and play next to other people without interacting and just kind of make those little steps.
You don't want to dive in too quick. Yes. Perspective or their perspective, right? You take that leap too quick. Yeah, and it's not good. Especially if they're not ready for it. And sometimes fantasies don't have to be fulfilled. Sometimes they can just stay as a fantasy that lives in your brain or a couple shares, but they never act on it. And like you say, I do caution couples of going too hard too fast. The method you're talking about, just baby steps. Take baby steps into this. Because you can definitely dive too deep too fast and just face plant. And it sucks.
When you do mess up, and you will mess up in the lifestyle, I know I have. I know other people. most other couples have, don't be too hard on yourself. Don't be like, oh, I was an idiot. What was I thinking? This is the end of us. We tried something. It didn't work out. What was the error in that situation? Why didn't that couple seem fine and then we got together and everything, nothing matched up anymore? Those are things that happen. Learn the lessons. And as you learn those lessons, you're not going to make those same mistakes.
I feel like most of the time, I probably have a seamless system. that works for me at this point and I don't have too many bad interactions early on. Oh my God, I don't know how I didn't get kidnapped. I don't know how I didn't just get murdered, whatever. I'm like, I did some dumb stuff back in the Craigslist days. The woman is never waiting in the hotel room. I know that for a fact. The woman is never waiting in the hotel room.
There was one horror story you told my wife and it hit me so hard in the gut whenever she related to me about a party you went or a takeover that did not allow single men and can you share that high level story of what happened because it's so fucked up and that's one of the reasons I we need to treat single men better are we talking about the fountain no this is the take I don't know the fountain story but this was the takeover where the couple made you sit in the room all night we could probably sit here for a while and just talk about your horror stories Yeah. Yeah.
A couple, there was a hotel takeover, but they didn't allow single men. So the couple made you sit in the room all night. Yeah. So this, this was, um, this was a couple of years ago and I, it was a kind of partial hotel takeover and a couple was attending it. Single guys weren't allowed to, but being a partial hotel thing, I could at least go and get into their room, right. For the event part or dance part, the party part, like now.
So I was just like chilling in their room, kind of like, wait, for them to come back and then yeah you know we played on having fun but you're just sitting there for hours just feeling like an idiot you're like what what am i doing here just like sitting here like a dildo really you know kind of sex object so i was like yeah that's that's not gonna be something i do again the fountain one there come in the fountain one that was at uh at naughty nolens and uh went into one of the parties there and uh one of the couples i was with taps me on the shoulder and he points at something to me with this horrified look on his face.
And there were two women that are the kind of people you kind of wish would have kept their clothes on a little bit more, but they were butt naked in the fountain. One was leaning back, letting the water just crash straight onto her pussy while the other girl was shutting her foot inside the one woman's pussy. This is on Bourbon Street. This is on Bourbon Street. I saw it with my own eyes and I will never forget it.
There are not, no, that was the ultimate horror story and I kept seeing those women hooking up with people throughout that weekend and I just really kind of clung to my condoms for dear sweet safety after seeing that so yeah lesbian foot sex in a fountain on Bourbon Street was probably the biggest horror story of my lifestyle experience alright well That kind of segues into something I was going to mention. So I'm going to be at Naughty in New Orleans this year, July 9th through the 13th, 2025. I'll be there hanging out at the STD Hero booth all day. Yeah, that's where I'm going to be.
I don't know about the fountain people. That's just fucking wild. We might be there. But yeah, great work with STD Hero. It's super important to get tested. I get tested at least four times a year. I didn't used to be as careful about it. I probably got lucky for the most part. People tell you they have results. They should be able to show them. If they're weird about it, you should be weird about it too. I appreciate you hanging out with us. Any other parting words of wisdom because you gave us so much? Any deep thoughts you'd want to share?
For couples and singles alike, go out there, have fun, move slowly, enjoy the ride. It can be a really, really fun fun, rewarding thing. You'll meet such cool people. It's worth it and it's worth it to be patient and do it right. Trust me. Good deal. Well, thank you, Lucas, for hanging out with us. I appreciate it. I'll probably have you back on the show again to talk more about the adventures of a single guy. I'm kind of digging this. It would be great. I would love to come back on anytime. All right. Well, thank you very much.
I hope everybody listening, y'all have a fantastic day and tune in next week. Thanks. you
