How to go on a Swinger Date

Transcript

Speaker1: Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening. Wherever you may be, I hope you have blue skies and a smile in your heart. Welcome to that other lifestyle podcast where we talk about the good, the bad, the ugly, and the weird sides of this wild lifestyle. Disclaimer time, this podcast is only for adults. It is not safe for work. We will be discussing topics of an adult and sexual nature for 18 years and up. Don't listen to this with the kids in the car. Today's topic, how to go on a swinger date. This implies that it is a special kind of date. This is not the same as when you were single and went out to meet a potential paramour. Like everything else in the lifestyle, it can be as complicated as you make it. You can think, what is so complicated about just a date? Oh, you wait. Just wait till you set up your first swinger date. The anticipation, the nerves, the questions. You ain't seen nothing yet. I'm here to hopefully help you out as you get ready, share topics you should talk to your spouse about ahead of time, help you navigate the awkward, and hopefully transition to fun. This episode will be light on research and sources. No studies have been done on how to go on a swinger date, so this information will be based on my own meandering experience in the LS and stories I've heard from others in the LS. Also, common sense, which I learned is not common, and when you're watching the clock tick by waiting for your first swinger date with your first couple, you will lose all sense of self and rational thought. For our first date, we met the couple on a Sunday and arranged for our first date on Thursday. In four days, I lost seven pounds. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I was a ball of pure adrenaline like a volcano waiting to erupt. The date went wonderfully and we are still friends with them to this day. Thankfully, they were more experienced than us and helped deal with the awkwardness recognizing that we were in way over our heads. I like to lay out who episodes are for and what you might be able to take away from me rambling. For our vanilla friends, I know y'all are just here because you are curious about what we do and maybe figure out if you can tell if a couple is on a swinger date next time you go to a restaurant. Or maybe you genuinely are curious about the LS and want to learn more. Either way, I appreciate it. After we got into the LS, I often wonder how many times I've been in a restaurant in my life and two couples having a nice dinner together were on a swinger date and ended up having fun after. My mind wanders to weird places. Like most aspects of the LS, it ain't what you think and not nearly as sexy as you may guess. For those that are experienced, I hope you can find tips and tricks. That idea of being experienced though is hard to define. How many days or partners does it take to become experienced? It would be so cool if we had a level system and you get new abilities as you progress. Maybe a badge system. There is no definition for experienced I am comfortable with as it is all subjective. Maybe you've been on 10 dates and think, yep, we got this. Or maybe you still get super nervous after 50 dates. No right or wrong answer, just like there is no right or wrong way to experience the LS. I know couples that don't go on dates at all. They only go to parties and clubs and meet people there, which is totally fine. You do you. I am not here to judge anyone. This episode is for newbies. This is not the should we or shouldn't we episode. There's more than enough content elsewhere to help you make that decision. This falls in the timeline of we want to do this, we made a profile online, we engaged with a couple, and the conversation has progressed to meeting face to face. This is going to be the what, the where, the how, and the why of swinger dates. This will cover from hey, let's go on a date to hey, let's get naked. It's a very defined window. We did not have a mentor when we started, and I wish someone would have shared any of this advice with us. Maybe it's not applicable to you. That's okay. I hope to spark conversations with your partner. I hope to share my own experiences and help you avoid very awkward mistakes that we made. I had a buddy tell my wife and I that we must be telepathic. There are times when we can look at each other, lock eyes, nod our heads, and then answer a question in unison. We are not telepathic yet. We talk. We talk and talk. We go over different scenarios and possibilities for situations ahead of time. So when we are asked a question like, hey, do you want to go and get sexy? We have an answer in unison. We agree ahead of time so we don't disagree in the moment. Because disagreeing in the moment is a recipe for disaster and bad times. You're sitting across from another couple who just propositioned you and now you and your partner have to have an awkward conversation with as little words as possible as you negotiate the next few hours in front of the people who want to get naked with you. Awkward is the best word for it. Swinger dates are awkward. Why? It is an interview with four people trying to decide if they will all go and get naked together. When you are single and dating, there are two people involved. Much easier to navigate. This is four times as hard. This might be the first time you're all four together in person, trying to sort each other out, make sure your partner is comfortable in the moment. You know what is at stake here.
Speaker2: Potential.
Speaker1: Quick, fast potential. Things go right and you're just a few hours away from fulfilling your fantasy. If it goes sideways, well, you learn and maybe end up with an interesting story. You talk to your spouse, reconnect, and again, learn. So either way, there is a positive coming out of this. The lead up to the big date. Should you chat first or go straight to a date? I don't know. I know me personally, I do like to chat or text prior to the first meeting. Couples may go with a video call option to verify that all parties are real. We dot catfish, which are out there. Verify interest and the capability of the other couple to hold a conversation. I like this idea, especially if setting up time to go on a date is labor intensive for you. Going on a date for you means that you have to get a babysitter, make time in your schedule, get a cover story straight, potentially be seen in public on a date with another couple, then yeah, it is worth it. And if a couple asks you to video verify, be nice about it. They are taking basic precautions. They want to make sure that you are real, which in this era of human history is a very valid concern. Don't get offended. If you do video call another couple and the conversation is not what you expected, no harm, move on. Tell the other couple you're not interested and just move on. For video calls, a few pointers. Make sure you have good lighting. Both people need to be in frame. No hats. Weird one, but a hat can cover up way too much of your face. Make sure you can be heard clearly. Ask the couple for better lighting if needed. Remember what is at stake here. You could be engaging in adult activities with two other people or a third or a group, whatever the case may be. You need to be fully comfortable with the situation for your own sake and your partner's. Same with a date. Remember your partner's safety and comfort is the number one priority, not having relations. Always put your partner first. Is there a good recommendation on when to go from chatting to proposing a date? No. Again, it's about comfort. You can text or video chat and instantly feel at ease. Other people, maybe not. I like the pre-chatting because it can give you a feel for the other couple before you invest the time to go on a date. You get all the basics out of the way. What do you do for a living? How long have you been in the LS? What's your origin story? What do you do for fun? Feel it out. You are meeting two strangers for the first time to get to know them in person. I'm personally turned off when two sentences into a chat and the other couple go straight to the sex talk. I am more than a meat sack attached to a penis. Treat me like a person. Treat my partner like a person. And this is all my opinion. You might be into it. You might think all this is not necessary and that's fine. If it works for you, go for it. I know we have advanced LLs participants listening and with experience, you be able to handle these situations differently, and that's okay too. For newbies, this is all broad guidance and advice. Take what you want, leave what you don't need. All right, you did a video chat and verified this other attractive couple is real. Yay! Now what? Now you get to plan a date. I am not hesitant if I feel the conversation is heading in a good way to ask my partner about going on a date with another couple. Notice I said ask my partner first. I check in with them. If they are comfortable, then we can move to asking the other couple out. Does not have to be complicated. Something as easy as, hey, we're free Saturday night. Would you like to hang out? Easy. What may get complicated, or maybe I overthink everything, is where. Where do we go? What do we do for a date? I got options and recommendations for you. Before I go further, though, I am a big fan of doing a public meeting first. Inviting someone to your house is a big deal. All of your stuff is there. And if the date goes weird or sideways, you can't get them out of your house fast enough. Maybe someone has too much to drink and starts crying and then lock themselves in your bathroom and starts verbally berating their spouse through the door. And your partner is looking at you to solve this. And then crying person is yelling at their partner some more. And that person is eating comments with their fingers out of your fridge and asking you to invest in Bitcoin with them. And all you wanted was to get naked and frisky. Am I exaggerating? Yeah, but not by much. Anyway, go somewhere public for their first meeting. Obviously, if you've been talking to another couple for a while and feel comfortable, then yeah, your home can be an option. I like public for safety reasons, which let's talk about safety. In simplest terms, you and your partner are meeting relative strangers you met on the internet in person. All those warnings about the internet and stranger danger from the early 2000s are floating back into my brain. We can do this safely though. You're an adult, keep your spidey sense on, and we'll talk about red flags in a minute. For the date, where should you go? Standard is a restaurant. Maybe a Friday or a Saturday night. If you are really wild, a Tuesday. For restaurants, you will probably be going out locally. I want to go on a wild tangent here first and talk about PDA. Before we talk about restaurants and going in public together, PDA, public displays of affection. There are those that are really into PDA. There are those that are not. I need you to figure out which camp you were in before the date. Setting the scene. You're out with another couple. As I write this, I realize it will be unbearably complicated to keep saying other partner and your partner for simplicity's sake. We have you and your spouse and we have the other couple. You're a woman. Your partner is a man. The other couple is a man and a woman. Please don't think I'm being exclusionary, but for the simplicity of the narrative and making my point, just run with me. You're sitting next to the other husband, your husband on the opposite side of the table, sitting next to the other wife. The other husband begins to stroke your leg beneath the table. Okay, kind of out of sight, nothing major. The other wife starts rubbing your husband's back. A little more visible. Maybe the server would notice that this is not the person you arrived with. An assortment of drinks later. You notice the other husband leaning in for a kiss. In the restaurant. In public. The other wife is now rummaging beneath the table, fighting with the button of your husband's pants. What do you do? Again, I'm exaggerating, but not by much. Maybe the scenario turns you on. Maybe you are aghast right now. Figure out which one you are now before the date. I bring up PDA because it is a very public display of affection to everyone around you. That means you might get noticed by a coworker or someone from church or a student's parent. Depending on how out you are about the lifestyle, that could be a really big deal and that could lead to uncomfortable questions. I know couples who do not go on dates in their local town for this reason. I know others who really enjoy engaging in public acts, slightly innocent, nothing major, but you are still touching someone who is not your spouse in public. Remember, this is a vanilla world, and we are just visitors. It is good to find out from the other couple their comfort with PDA, establish your level of comfort, and stick to that. Don't go on a date. Tell the other couple you don't like PDA. Then, margaritas later, you're dry humping someone in the back of the bar. Be respectful of others' boundaries. If they say no PDA, then keep your hands and your lips to yourself. Always be aware that people can lose their jobs over this hobby, so act right. And swinging wildly back to restaurant recommendations. What I think is the perfect restaurant for a swinger date? One, quiet, no blurring music, and calm, chill. You want to be able to hear and be heard by the other couple. Number two, booths are nice. Tables are okay too. Look for a place that has more intimate seating. In case you do want to do PDA, it's a little more discreet. And you want some privacy so you can talk about LS topics. You don't want anyone clutching their pearls if they overhear you mention anal. Number three, type of food. Make it a group decision. We have a list in our brains of various local spots around town that we know are good places for dates, so we have options. But I will say, don't do Italian. You ever ate a bowl of chicken alfredo then jumped up and down vigorously for 30 minutes? Because I have not, but it sounds unpleasant. Eat light. This is not the time for you to carbo-load. Pro tip, have a leftover pizza in the fridge for the end of the night after you get back home. Make it a tradition to eat cold pizza together and talk after the date. Make it special. Don't eat heavy. You may be expected to engage in vigorous physical activity shortly, and you need to focus on speed and endurance. And bring breath mints. Those are a lifesaver. Ha ha ha! Pun. That's just for restaurants. But you don't have to do that. You can go on a swinger date anywhere. How about bowling or mini golf? A little competition might get the blood flowing and hormones going. You could have a private picnic. You could go to a local festival and walk around. Remember, the purpose of the date is to determine attraction, not eat or get drunk. Be unique. People will remember the time you and your spouse took them to a boardwalk or theme park for a date. Maybe the other couple doesn't want that. It's okay. All you can do is suggest. Another pro tip, coffee shops. Talking to another couple and can't figure out if you're interested, go to a coffee shop. Low stress environment tends to be quieter than other places. The big trick here is a small coffee. You're only committed to talking as long as a small coffee lasts. Finish your coffee, you can then exit. Quick, fast, easy way to fill out another couple without committing to an entire evening with them. I will mention bars. Bars suck for swinger dates. I said it. That is my opinion. Fight me. I don't like bars for swinger dates. They are loud. Loud is bad for conversation. I can't focus. For a first date, not my ideal situation. Maybe yours. Test it out. And bars leave me to talk about alcohol. See that segue? Should you drink on a swinger date? Yes, no, maybe. All three of those are good answers. My wife and I use the buddy system. One of us can drink and the other one is sober. I highly recommend someone staying sober if this is your first date with a new couple. One of you needs to be in the right state of mind. Do not drink to excess on your first swinger date. This is bad. For men, whiskey dick is a real problem. It happens. The solution is not drinking to excess. You're interviewing another couple on their suitability to engage in physical relations with your partner. You love your partner. You want the very best for them. After a couple of drinks, you may not be able to accurately make those determinations. I know alcohol is liquid courage and can help lubricate the wheels of social interaction. One drink might be fine, two maybe. You need to know your limit heading into this. If you typically cannot manage more than four drinks, don't drink for drinks. And this is the big one, consent. You cannot properly give your consent to engage in physical activity if you were drunk. I will die on this hill. We can talk ahead of time, everyone gives proper consent, and everyone agrees. But in that moment, if you were drunk, there is doubt. And doubt is bad for the LS. We all need to be on the same page. I will personally check in with everyone, my partner, the other couple, in front of each other, and make sure we are all okay with proceeding. If you were drunk, just plastered. I don't consider that final consent valid, and will most likely use my veto powers to shut it all down. It is a dick move, but better safe than sorry. Plus, no one is good at sex when they are drunk. You are not a better driver when you are drunk, and you are certainly not better at sex when you are drunk. So yes, alcohol can calm your nerves, help everyone loosen up, but keep it under control. Finally, another possibility, your local sex club. They exist all over the country. If you don't know, sex clubs are lifestyle-dedicated operations. Usually a bar set up, they're overwhelmingly bring your own alcohol. They typically don't serve alcohol. They make their money off very high cover charges to get in. One part of the facility would be a dance floor or a bar setup, maybe a stripper pole. Loud music usually, think nightclub. The other part of the facility will be playrooms. A couple of dark rooms with beds and curtains, usually no doors, that you are free to engage in naughty behavior on. If you live in a major metropolitan area, you have one. We live near a big city. I have a friend who has lived in that city for 20 years. He had no clue this kind of place existed. If a couple says, for our first time meeting in person, let's go to a sex club. Me, personally, that's a no. Way too many variables, not my kind of environment. Again, loud, lots of people, but that is me. You might think this is a great one-stop solution, which it could be. You go to dinner, end up at this club, have a few drinks, bed is right there, take care of business, then you go home. It works for a segment of the LS. Totally your call on that, but know what you're walking into. If a couple invites you to a sex club, yeah, they want to go to pound town tonight and it may not be with you. Just say it. We set a location. Let's say for this example, our date is at a local sushi place. What now? If this is your very first swinger date ever, you're going to be super nervous. Like can't sleep or eat nervous,aky hands. You are okay. Breathe. If you are experienced at this, you will still be nervous. See, you're always nervous no matter what. It's just a matter of degrees. Now, you talk. You talk to your partner first. Check in with them. Ask them how they feel. Are they okay? I will provide a sample conversation starter pack now. Love of my life. We will be going on a date with Stevie and Cynthia Swinger in a few days. I wanted to check in with you. I know I am concerned about X. Do you share the same concerns? What are your concerns? Are you comfortable with the possibility of creating the beast with four backs with this other couple? Do you have any reservations? What about going to a second location like a bar after dinner? What are we going to do if they say, let's head to a third location like their home or hotel? All good conversations you want to have ahead of time. Oh, and the PDA question. That's a big one. For the other couple, conversations with them. What are the expectations for the night? It is very awkward to ask this, but necessary. Will the date end in shenanigans? There are three possible answers to that question. Yes, we believe this date has the potential to end up with all four of us naked. No, this is just an introductory dinner and we will make plans to engage in carnal activities at a later date. The third answer is maybe.
Speaker2: This answer is common and not at all helpful. No, not at all. I wish I could give clear guidance on this, but I cannot. It is very situational. You and your partner need to talk when you get this answer.
Speaker1: For instance, what if the other couple decides at dinner and wants to go have sweaty cardio? This one is really hard to read. I've gotten this one, and the other one is, well, let's see what happens, or we like to let things happen organically. Okay, maybe the other couple is not good at communicating their desires or they have not settled on a united answer. Don't take it personal. 99 out of 100 times, it is an issue on their side, which you are not responsible for. If you get this response, don't push. Don't ask for clarity. Give them time. Let them figure it out and come back to you with a clear answer. Or you tell them, my partner and I are looking to engage in horizontal debating with you and your partner. When you decide if you are open to this, we will be here. You have expressed yourself clearly and directly, up to them to sort out the rest. On the flip side, don't push, don't be aggressive. Once you have your answer, let it be. If they say no, no amount of negotiation will change their mind because you shouldn't be pushing for anyone to change their mind. If they say yes, be excited, but cool, play it cool. You don't have to start dropping every detail of your fantasies on them leading up to the date. You don't have to start acting as a director or maestro describing how you want the night to play out. Just let it be. Play it cool. One last tip before we go into the date. Have a cover story. Imagine this. You and yours are out with another couple. In the distance, you hear a shriek. Fluttering into view is your kid's Sunday school teacher, Miss Haversham. The elder heartbeat ascends on your nice date, sneering and preening her feathers. In a flurry of wings and strong perfume, she hugs you. Then she turns her hawkish eyes to your friends, her prey-sighted, talons flexing at the anticipation of gossip. Miss Haversham asking a raspy, ancient voice, who are your friends? Oh no. Four brave adventurers sit in silence as she circles. Nosy, curious, intrusive, she wants the details. She wants to wants to spread her disease rumors and conjecture across town your heart races this is it we've been found out years of careful discretion are for naught she smells fear your husband perks up an eloquent sword of an excuse ready this is my friend top we were in the together. Miss Haversham pecks at the table, squints her beady eyes, then gasp. She has been foiled with a well-timed excuse, knowing that she will be denied a meal of juicy, delicious scandal. She retreats back into the darkness to circle and watch. All right, all that to say, you need a cover story if you're going to go out in your local town. I ain't saying a lie, right? But an agreed-upon cover story at the right moment can be life-saving. Maybe your dates are former co-workers or you met in the military or some social function. Sounds a little sketchy, I admit, to be lying, but it's much better than being harpy food. You have a date set. What should you wear? Men, I am talking to you right now. Specifically, the men. Wear a shirt with a collar. Do not wear a t-shirt and basketball shorts unless the environment calls for it like you're going to a basketball game. And shave. Shave your face. Unless you have a glorious fluffy beard like I do, shave the stubble. Shave off the five o'clock shadow. Try this trick. Rub the inside of your wrist on your chin. Right below your wrist bones, rub that soft spot on your chin. Feel that scratch and poking? Now imagine that is on a lady's vagina, right? Shave. Men, listen to your wife. If she tells you what to wear, wear it. Your partner is your biggest cheerleader and knows what will make you look attractive. For ladies, less advice. Dress comfortably sexy. Dress for the situation in an outfit that makes you feel sexy. Don't stress over it too much. Finally, I want to touch on the fact that life happens before we get into the actual date. Let's say you set up a date and the other couple has to cancel at the last minute. Maybe a kid got sick. Your kids will always get sick at the worst possible moment. I don't have kids, but I've seen it. Been on the receiving end of it. It's okay. Life happens. For many couples, this is a hobby. They do their absolute best to make time for the LS. Respect on both sides of the equation is important. You should have grace and patience. But if this seems to be a habitual problem, for instance, after three or four failed dates, it might be time to move on. If you have to cancel, do it with as much advance notice as possible. This is a basic courtesy. We might have a weird hobby, but we could still be polite. If you get all dressed up and go to the restaurant and the other couple texts you and says they can't make it, it sucks. I get it. On a positive side, you and your partner are all dressed up, got some time away from the house, shaved some intimate areas, enjoy your date. Use the time to reconnect with your partner. No point getting mad. Take advantage of it. The best date you will ever go on is the one with your partner. What do you talk about on these dates? Someone's asked me this. I'm going to answer it. Don't laugh. This is a valid question. Avoid politics, religion. Don't talk too much about your kids. Keep it light and fun. For personal details, that is up to you and your level of discretion. I don't need to know where you work. I don't need to know the company name. Telling me you are a nurse or a salesman or a nuclear scientist is sufficient for me to get an idea of what you do and what to talk about. Basic items, I'm not going to pry any further. Chew with your mouth closed. Don't shovel food into your mouth and oh, shut the hell up. What I mean is don't talk nonstop. I get it. You are nervous and want to fill the space between everyone with words. No, bad swinger. Breathe. Let everyone talk and contribute to the conversation. I have been on dates where one person spoke non-stop for three hours. The only time we got to hear the wife's voice was when the gentleman went to the bathroom. I get it. You were nervous. Swingers can be scary. We all have claws and are possibly aliens, maybe psychic. You're hanging out with two other people and your best friend. Your partner is with you. Just breathe. Moving on. Red flags and bad dates. How to deal with them. Right out the door. If you were supposed to meet a couple and only one person shows up, bail. Traditionally, this is often a trick that single men and or men whose wives may not know they are up to sneaky business will pull. Bail. Say thank you for the time and walk out. Do not feel bad about walking out. In modern society, there is a desire not to be rude. You can be rude. At any point during a date, you have the power to leave unless the other couple takes away your power to leave, and at that point, you are no longer on a date date and it has taken a very bad turn. That's the reason I'm a big fan of driving ourselves to a date and or taking Ubers. I don't want to sound overly negative about this. Be smart. Until you get to know people in person, they are strangers and keep your wits about you. Back to the discussion ahead, bail. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, leave. Remember, these people you are on a date with or interviewing for the chance to seat you naked. That is special and you have to determine if these people are special enough. And warning, bailing on a date is awkward. Get over it. Talk to your partner ahead of time about what behavior is unacceptable from another couple and stick to your guns. I got two tips for this. The first is to get cash. Figure up how much your bill at the restaurant will be ahead of time. Rough guess. Throw an extra for a tip. Get $60, $80, $100 in cash, however much. If the date goes sideways, if the other couple starts spouting conspiracy theories or is belligerent or smells funny, politely excuse yourselves. Walk over to the server, hand them the cash, and walk out the door. Second tip is super useful, and I encourage everyone to do this even outside of dates. You need two code phrases. One is for, I am okay proceeding with this date to another location or engaging in various acts depicted in the Kama Sutra. And the other for when we need to bail right now. You can have more code phrases, but keep it simple. Keep the meaning simple and the delivery. For instance, you and your partner are on a date and your partner is getting a creeper vibe from the other couple. Just a really uneasy feeling. Time to drop the phrase. Make it simple and not assuming like, did you remember to let the dog out? Or don't forget little Billy has a dentist appointment next week. Simple phrase. You and spouse will agree ahead ahead of time when this code phrase is uttered. Date is over. No questions. No negotiations or investigations. Date is over. Capital O. Your partner has to respect this phrase. This is a cue for both of you to extricate yourselves from the situation delicately as you want or just walk out. Again, super useful. I ain't telling you mine, but we have one. We could slip it into a conversation and no one would notice. You need a second code phrase in case the date goes really well in the other couple or maybe you want to progress to the next stage. As I mentioned earlier, you don't want to engage in intense discussions with your spouse about the sexual suitability of the other couple right in front of them. Better to have a code phrase so you can communicate stealthily that you want to progress. For instance, I want to put your boobies in my face. Don't use that one. I just made that one up, but you get my point though. I know a couple that uses hand signals, like if they want to proceed, the wife will grab the husband's left hand with her right. It's complicated. Whatever system you use, keep it simple. Which leads us to talking about transitioning. How do you gracefully move from the restaurant to a private location? I haven't a clue. No clue. I have absolutely no clue on how to do it gracefully, so I don't. At the core of this, you are four adults investigating the possibility of having a four-way connection that will lead to heavy breathing and nudity. Don't take it so seriously. Use your words. Ask. Example. We had fun tonight. Would you be interested in heading back to our place? Simple. They will say yes or no after having an intense staring session and using code phrases. There are three answers to this question. Yes, no, not tonight. If it's a yes, congratulations. If it's a no, accept it and move on. If it's not tonight, you are still in the running. This ties back to what I said earlier about expectations. Maybe you four talked ahead of time and know what's in store. I'm a personal fan of just yelling out transition like the mad hatter because again i love awkward things let's transition to another location it sounds intense but you were an adult and you got this if the if the couple says no don't ask why you don't want to know why and they're under no obligation to tell you why. If they say not tonight, don't ask why, just accept it. Never try to convince a person to engage in sexy time. You are taking away their personal agency, and it's a lot of other badness. Take the no and roll with it. We did the date.
Speaker2: Congratulations.
Speaker1: It may not have ended up how you hoped, but you did it. Good job, team. After a date, you need to talk to your partner. Break it all down. Communicate. What did you like about it? What did you not like? How was the process? Get feedback. How did you feel on the date watching a person flirt with your partner? Maybe this was the first time that happened. You need to take time to connect with your partner. If this really was your very first date, feel out your own emotions. If it did not go the way you wanted, why not? Listen, if your partner was the one to say no, do not make them feel bad for that. Again, if your partner was the one who said no, do not make them feel bad. No one in the LS is under any obligation to play with another couple, full stop. Do not make your partner feel guilty for it. There will be more dates if you desire. This ain't a zero-sum game. There will be more chances, maybe with the same couple, maybe not. Again, can't stress it enough. Do not make your partner feel bad. You will support them. You will praise them for their bravery and adore them as the greatest person you know. We've covered so much ground today and the crazy part is this is just a date. This takes you from setting it up to the awkward transition. I want to illustrate that there could be more to this hobby than people perceive. The lifestyle is a puddle or an ocean. How deep you jump into it is totally up to you. If you take anything away from this, use the cash trick and work on your code phrases. Thank you for listening. Please subscribe. If you're interested in starting this adventure in the lifestyle, check out our website, thatotherlifestyle.com, where we have a lot more episodes and a lot more information. Thank you for your time and attention. Know that you were appreciated and loved. Have a great day.