Welcome to That Other Lifestyle Podcast, hosted by Jason, where we leave the vanilla behind and dive into the wild world of open-mindedness and exploration. In this episode, we journey into the lifestyle zone, meeting Jack and Lisa, a swinging couple whose weekend plans take an unexpected turn.
As the excitement of meeting a new couple fades into silence, we explore the unsettling world of ghosting and flaking in the lifestyle community. Discover how intentions can vanish into thin air, leaving behind echoes of anticipation and disappointment. We delve into why these phenomena occur and offer insights on how to navigate and protect yourself from these mysterious occurrences.
In the spirit of Halloween, Jason shares tips on maintaining good online hygiene and how to recognize potential ghosting or flaking signs. He emphasizes the importance of communication and setting expectations to avoid these pitfalls. Tune in for a lively discussion filled with personal anecdotes, expert advice, and a touch of humor as we uncover the unpredictable world of ghosts and flakes. Don't miss out on this intriguing exploration of connection, trust, and shared desires.
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Transcript
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Wherever you are, I hope you have blue skies. Welcome to That Other Lifestyle Podcast. I am your host, Jason. Leave Vanilla behind as we dive into the wild lifestyle. You unlock a door with a key of consent. Beyond it is another dimension. A dimension of desire, of trust, of shared connection. You're moving into a land of open-mindedness and exploration. You've just crossed over into the lifestyle zone. Meet Jack and Lisa, a happy, swinging couple in pursuit of connection, passion, and adventure.
After weeks of exchanging playful messages and excited whispers, they found another couple who seemed to check all the boxes. The data set, the excitement palpable. But tonight, something strange happens. A void opens where communication once thrived. No replies, no text, no answers. The excitement of the weekend slips through their fingers like sand through an hourglass.
They've just entered a realm where intentions vanish into the ether they've been ghosted their weekend plans are now echoes in an empty room this isn't just a failed rendezvous this is the moment when fantasy fades and the unknown lingers today we'll explore the unsettling world of ghosts and flakes in the lifestyle where anticipation can lead to dead silence and excitement to disappointment buckle in because this is where things get unpredictable in the lifestyle zone it's halloween around the world spooky season the time of year when goblins and imps haunt the vanilla world screams of candy and costumes fill the air over in the lifestyle world we love halloween y'all we have an annual tradition of women dressing up as sluttier versions of the normal world.
Slutty nurse, slutty teacher, slutty rocket scientist, we retreat with our lifestyle shenanigans into the lifestyle zone. Bikinis giving way to leather and lace. In honor of Halloween, let's talk about ghost. Ghosting, flakes, flakers.
Those people that blow in on a hot summer breeze then disappear without a trace into the cold night oh yeah and i'm running commercials now my only vanilla friend texted me after listening to the show last week to tell me quote gotta say i wasn't prepared for the motorbunny ad to hit me in the ear hole that means it worked my show is not family friendly enough to get that sweet factor or rage shadow legends money in every negative there is a positive though if you look hard enough the positive here is i can do whatever the hell i want and work with the companies that i want to i will go find my own brands to partner with lifestyle friendly brands ethically responsible body safe fun new i will do my very best to make the commercials interesting enough for you to listen to them too i will share the appsovers, vacations, machines, causes, and whatever else I may stumble upon in my travels.
If you hear a commercial on this show, go check them out if you want to. I will have an affiliate section on my website, thatotherlifestyle.com, very soon. No pressure from me. For me, I have fun making the commercials and just letting my creativity flow. Speaking of my website, would you like a free ebook? I wrote an ebook and I am giving it away. I wrote the Lifestyle Conversation Guide, Take Your Shot. It's a guide with examples because examples are really important on how to start a conversation with any lifestyle person anywhere.
Using a new spin on the forward acronym, I came up with the acronym SHOT, Styles, Hobbies, Outfit, and Travel, Four Topics Guarante conversation. Do you ever draw a blank during a conversation, then you start thinking that this other person might think you're weird because you're not talking enough, and then your brain is yelling at you to say something, and all you can do is go meow or drop a random fact about trains and then go hide in shame? I got you. The book is available on my website, thatotherlifestyle.com. You sign up for my mailing list, and you can get a free copy.
Other news, the two courses are out single men's guide to the lifestyle and the men's guide to flirting i have plans to do more courses in the future too so again go to my website the second and third banners take you right to the courses please note this podcast is intended only for adults it is not safe for work we will talk about adult or sexual topics and i'm going to use salty language often. This content is for entertainment purposes only, and again, only for those over 18 years of age. I also try to be as inclusive with my language and terms as I can.
It can be challenging to formulate and write and say all the inclusive terms in every instance. For simplicity's sake and time management, I may use terms like husband or wife or partner or spouse for the purpose of the narrative I'm sharing. This podcast is for everyone, though, no matter your background, gender identity, gender expression, or whatever truth you may be living. Everyone is welcome no matter how you personally experience the lifestyle and ethical, not monogamy. Ghost. Ghosting. Flakes. Flakers. Flaky ghost. Let's go with that. Flaky ghost. Ghost with dandruff. Halloween. Ghost.
Makes sense in my head, right? What is ghosting? And by extension, what is flaking? And what can you do to protect yourself from these malevolent spirits? Ghosting. Ghosting is when a person in a conversation stops responding, interacting, or just flat out disappears. They float away like a ghost. Y'all know what the fuck ghosting is. Suddenly, all communication stops. The other person or a couple might even disappear completely from the app or website that y'all were chatting on. They might leave the country and change their names. Whatever method, they're fucking gone. What the hell?
And you will think, what the hell? What the hell happened? Did we say something? What is the reason? Why? The hell? Sucks even more if you really like the couple too. Everything was clicking great. There was physical attraction, complimentary play styles. The fuck happened here? Note that is the same phrase I often yell out when I stumble upon the aftermath of an orgy in a hotel room. I need to make a controversial statement. I feel, in my experience, and based on anecdotal evidence from friends, while anyone is capable of ghosting, it appears to be a trait more common in those under 30.
I know I said it. the thing we're all thinking is it a generational thing though i don't know because really anyone can ghost anyone so don't take this to be the whole tooth haha tooth like vampire get it bad halloween joke right there why do people ghost other people usually without having hearing heard every single instance of ghosting out there I can say it's probably not you or your spouse. Most of the time, it's not you, man. It's them. Could be the other couple got overwhelmed with the lifestyle and dropped everything. They may get scared off at the thought of meeting a person.
Could be the other couple's vanilla life got in the way of the lifestyle. Could be an internal relationship issue. No one wants to think about swinging when they're having a fight. Maybe the fight was because of the lifestyle. Maybe it wasn't. That is a whole bunch of I don't knows. That's the worst bit about being ghosted. You don't know. You may never have closure on what happened. You can't even ask because now you have no way to communicate with the other couple, even for clarification. And there's also another possibility. Maybe they weren't that into you.
Awkward to think about, yes, but it happens. Maybe after chatting with y'all, the other couple wasn't feeling the spark, and instead of spending more time on something they just didn't want to pursue, they stepped away. Granted, it is always best to be honest and upfront, but that takes emotional strength. Ghosting is way easier than summoning the testicular fortitude it takes to tell another couple that you aren't attracted to them. I know it's an icky feeling, but we are adults who use our words. Elevate your desires with House of SXN, where luxury meets the bold world of fetish fashion.
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Every time we have had that super fucking awkward conversation, the other couple was receptive and understanding. I know there's a fear that the other couple is going to flip out or be confrontational, but that really hasn't been the case. Think of it this way. Your body autonomy and your spouse's body autonomy is more important than whether another couple is happy with you. You should not think ever that you have to go through with an act just to keep the peace or make another couple happy physically. You're not rejecting another couple.
You're preserving your own and your spouse's body autonomy. If you do get ghosted, remember, you could have been dealing with newbies and shit got too real and they got scared. Ha! Scared. See? Halloween. Maybe the couple did not have the right dynamic to be in the lifestyle at all and realized it mid-conversation. There's a lot of maybes here. Maybe they never had the intention of meeting in the first place and got their treats from just chatting about doing stuff instead of following through. A lot of these reasons I could dismiss as not necessarily nefarious, just inexperienced.
The real nefarious bastards though, pick collectors. Pick collectors are rat bastards who only are in this to collect nudes and picks. That's it. They're going to share some not-safe-for-work pics right when the conversation starts to create a subtle obligation in your mind to share your own. And then they get the pics and they disappear with your nudes. It fucking happens. This sounds horrible, but it is decent advice. Go into every conversation that starts online with your guard up.
If you meet a couple in person and then switch to digital conversations, you know at least that you're dealing with a real person who does interact in person with humans. If you start a conversation online with a brand new person or a couple that you've never met before in person, yeah, be guarded. Be smart. You don't have to go into the conversation assuming that they're going to ghost you, but you need to practice good online hygiene here until this other person has proven themselves to you. That means don't share your vanilla life unless you're comfortable doing so.
Don't share those sexy nudes with strangers. Do not volunteer butthole pics. You don't have to share pics if you don't want to or you don't feel comfortable. If the other couple wants a pic as proof of who they're talking to, either send a PG-rated pic or offer to do a video call. An offer to do a video call may end the conversation right there, which is not a bad thing. If a video call scares them off, then they were probably people you shouldn't be dealing with anyway. Assume everyone on the internet is a stranger until they're not. I get it. Ghosting sucks.
Being on the receiving end of ghosting sucks. I will give you that. Emotionally, yes. But with ghosting, what are you really out? A couple of tappy taps on a screen while you're chatting? Maybe a time investment while you're watching TV or at work? I can tell you it is super awkward though if you run into a couple that ghosted you at a lifestyle event. You can see them having a mental oh shit moment. And if you're thinking about ghosting another couple, remember you may run into them later. The lifestyle is a very small community.
There's a distinction between a conversation ending and ghosting too. Sometimes two couples, they chat, they don't click and the conversation naturally ends. You're ghosting each other. You're just not talking anymore, which is fine. You will not be attracted to everyone you meet in the lifestyle. And the way you figure that out, that attraction is by connecting. Everyone's still cordial and every time you see each other, there's just a mutual realization of, meh, we don't want to fuck each other. The difference is if you wanted to, you can reach back out to that couple anytime.
They don't disappear completely, unlike with ghosting. Now, flaking. Flaking is a bigger deal to me. Ghosting denotes that we were texting, and I never made a physical time commitment into this interaction. Flaking. That is a bigger deal for reasons. Flaking, otherwise known as getting stood up, bailing, ditching, no-showing, means that you have plans plans with another couple and they don't show up for reasons. The other couple is not following through on the plan y'all made. Going back to Jack and Lisa from the intro.
For the day they had planned, they had to find a babysitter, which cost money. Then there's the time commitment of spending time with this particular couple, blocking off her calendar. Those hours of time could be spent doing fun stuff with other people. Getting dressed up, which depending on the person, that could take 30 minutes or four hours driving over there, getting excited for the action. So we got monetary, emotional, and time investment in this. Jack and Lisa go to the restaurant. They order drinks and they wait. Five minutes, no big deal. Then 10 and then 30 minutes go by.
They text the other couple and just don't get a response. An hour creeps by. Finally, the other couple responds and just says they can't make it, which sucks, especially because they have been waiting to eat. And as someone who eats often and on a schedule, I will just turn into a hangry bitch. Flaking, it happens. We can say that ghosting is mostly all digital interaction while flaking. That's physical. That's out in the real world. In the moment you're dealing with this, fuck it. Order dinner, enjoy the night out with your spouse. We can figure out how to deal with flakers in a minute.
Why do people flake? Why do they make plans and just not show up? Maybe to give you a reason. Do not automatically assume it is an excuse. There are valid reasons for people not showing up to a date. I know this. I have seen it. One of the most valid and prevalent is kids. You know, the people you live with, the little roommates that don't pay money and just want food all the time. Kids will find the absolute worst time to get sick. Tell you a story. We were at a party. Our good, wonderful friends were there. All of us have been looking forward to this party for months.
It was the first big party of the year. It had a sexy theme. We all got dressed up. We had plans, you know, spicy plans for later in the night. The party started around six and at eight, our friends got a call from their kid who was vomiting. I know he was because I could hear it through the phone. Why? Nobody knows. Kids just get fucking sick. I know the kid was sick. I know he was because I got to hear him squalballing and crying over the phone. Kids are always more important than whatever lifestyle fun you have planned. Always. I don't have kids, but I give it and I give it.
I get it and I give it grace. Kids come first. Our friends had to leave the party to deal with a sick child. Kids do this. Kids are like little werewolves who transform. Their transformation is triggered by their parents having fun. Another time, same couple. We were in the middle of trick-or-treating, naked, horizontally, and their kid called. The dog stole the child's pizza. Apologies. Apologies, I have to clarify. The child FaceTimed his parents, video called them. I've never seen someone get dressed that fast. These are isolated incidents though.
If we were dealing with a couple whose child gets sick or has issues every time we make plans or they always have trouble finding a babysitter, something falls through habitually. Yeah, I wouldn't put that in the flake category. I would put that in the, this is a lot of headaches and maybe we should move on. It's nothing personal against the other couple, but it went up here. They ain't in a position to be in this hobby. Sliding that reason over to the side. Why do people flake? I think nerves are a big reason. The other couple are super nervous and they just can't follow through.
That reason sucks, but we're all humans and again, deserve a bit of grace. If leading up to a date with a new couple and nerves are hitting you hard, use your words. Say something. If you were too nervous to go on this date, say it. Text the other couple way in advance. The worst part of flaking is letting other people devote time and money to a date you know you're not going to be attending. There's a big difference between canceling with 12 hours notice and canceling two hours past the time y'all were supposed to meet up. Alleviate that situation by saying you are nervous.
Give people plenty of notice if you need to cancel. Canceling the night of or after the agreed upon time, that's the issue here. That's the part that really obsesses people. If your nerves are getting the better of you, cancel early. But by speaking up, saying you're nervous, you're giving the other couple a chance to help. Maybe y'all had conversations you weren't fully on board with, or it could be as simple as level setting expectations. Expectations trip up a lot of newbies and lead to unnecessary anxiety.
Newbies don't have the vocabulary or the knowledge to have conversations openly about what's expected on a date. As more experienced couples, y'all need to step up, ask what they're looking for, help them, help them understand the process of setting expectations. There is a big difference between going on a date and meeting at a restaurant as a prelude to trick-or-treating naked horizontally later. And if you're dealing with this nerves yourself, just go. Take little steps. Get dressed for the date. Well, now you're dressed. Might as well get in the car. Okay, now you're in the car.
Well, you might as well just drive towards the restaurant y'all are meeting at, right? Okay, now you're in the parking lot. Well, you came this far, you might as well go inside. Boom, now you're on a date. Single men, I know y'all are listening. Why is it single men, when I talk about flaking on couples, single men always come up first? What the hell, man? Y'all are giving single men a bad reputation. You ever wonder why couples are apprehensive of dealing with single men? Because single men have the reputation collectively as a group of being flaky.
A couple makes plans to meet at a hotel with a single guy and y'all don't show up. This happens so frequently that it's just a thing. It's a reputation that all single men have. When I asked my friends about flaking, general, hey, y'all, give me some feedback and thoughts on this. Boo. Single men. First thing other couples brought up. Horror stories of making a date and the guy never shows up or they text an hour late with some bullshit excuse. And you counter with, but Jason, I as a paragon of virtuous single men don't flake. You never do that. Good for you. Other guys do.
And to those that flake, I ask, what the fuck? There's a woman who wants to have sex with you. Her husband is cool with it and you don't show up. Following my own advice and giving grace here, maybe these guys are weirded out by the couple. Cool. Don't make plans. You could be nervous. Okay. You do know what this hobby is about, right? The fuckery? I know chatting and getting news is fun, but that other couple, they're looking for fuckery. If you can't deliver that, you need to tell them. Tell them you're nervous. Figure out a way to deal with your nerves.
Do not deal with your nerves via unlisted substances or alcohol. You got nerves, my dude? Use visualization to help. I share this in the single men's course that's available on my website, thatofthelifestyle.com. Visualize yourself going through the situation. Visualize yourself going to the hotel, meeting the couple. Visualize running through this whole thing, the sex. Run this scenario through your brain a couple of times. This is going to make you more comfortable with it. This is the same trick sports guys use.
Single men, I'm hard on you because I want you to get better and change the reputation of single men being flakes. You do that by following through. Tired of the same old vanilla routine? Grocery shopping, soccer practice, and Netflix marathons? Every week, the same thing, over over and over again what if you traded that for spicy or fun join us for national lifestyle weekend in Las Vegas June 19th to 21st 2025 it's like a vacation but with more socializing don't worry what happens with your spicy friends stays with your spicy friends. We can keep your secret. National Lifestyle Weekend.
Come for the fun. Stay for the friendships. Tickets available at thatotherlifestyle.com. Risqué means slightly indecent or liable to shock, especially by being sexually suggestive. Risqué Lifestyle throws the premier lifestyle parties and takeovers in the southern USA that is slightly indecent, liable to shock, and very sexually suggestive. Risqué parties provide a safe, fun environment for new couples, experienced couples, and everyone in between. The dance floor is open all night long with awesome DJs and the best sound system.
They go above and beyond to host a party that you will be telling all your LS friends about for months. The next risque party is, of course, Halloween, October 25th, 26th in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Wear your best, sexiest, wildest costumes and party till dawn. Go to RiskyLifestyleParties.com to find more information. What do we do about ghosting? The couple completely disappears? Not a whole lot. You won't get closure and maybe never get a reason why.
Move on advice that god is move the fuck on let it go and find a better couple out there for your time and attention ghosts are going to be ghosts and they're going to ghost you can't do much about that when you when you start talking to a couple you don't know that they're really a phantasm until they disappear or appear until you meet this new couple in person you don't know you don't know if they actually exist outside the internet. There's maybe a few qualities you can be on the lookout for.
This may mean nothing as we're dealing with the lifestyle paranormal world, so take all this with a grain of salt. If a couple is not very engaging in chat, it could be a sign they will potentially ghost or they just don't like chatting. Another sign, a lifestyle poltergeist, they want pics. Like a lot of pics, you probably got a pic collector. Or they have zero online footprint on the social sites. Zero friends, no connections. Even doubly worse if they're from the same geographic area as you and no one in your lifestyle tribe knows who they are. We're a small community.
We know a lot of people. People make connections and can vouch for other couples. If no one has met this couple, you might be dealing with specter. If you're in a chat group with other couples and a new couple drops in, you better make sure someone, better still multiple people, you trust vouch for that new couple before you reach out or share your spicy bits. In these chat groups, everyone can see your nudes. You're sharing them with everyone. Even the new couple that no one knows that could be ghosts lurking in the background with no intention of interacting with the group.
They're just there for nudes. Until I see a face pic and meet you in person, oh no, I'm keeping my nippy pics to myself. You can only do what you can do personally to deal with these ghosts. And the best course of action is, like I said, just move on. Don't chase phantoms. Drop them. If you follow good online hygiene, like I talked about earlier, you have a lot less to worry about. This person or couple that disappears are not running off with your nudes or incriminating text.
To help avoid ghosts, stick with either validated accounts on the adult social sites like SDC or only start conversations after meeting in person. On SDC, for instance, couples can validate each other, attesting that this couple is for real. The other option is meeting couples through friends or events. It's a lot harder to ghost each other when y'all have mutual friends. Speaking of the social media sites, you can get ghosted no matter where you meet people online, but there is a much higher chance of it happening on the vanilla social media platforms like Reddit or Facebook.
With the adult sites, there's a paywall to join. With Reddit or Facebook, any fucking random person can post anything they want. No validations, no incentives to not ghost you, so be careful on those sites. In your interactions with other couples, you may want to move towards meeting a person. If the other couple seems hesitant or won't commit, that might be a sign right there to move on. I have the three-strike rule. I've talked about this before. We offer to meet three times, then we just write it off.
If we offer to go on a date with a couple, say Friday night, and they decline without offering an alternative time, that's a strike. Two more of those, and we just close that chapter. It ain't worth pursuing. This is a hobby, And we'll see an alternative time. That's a strike. Two more of those and we just close that chapter. It ain't worth pursuing. This is a hobby and we do it for fun. I ain't going to spend no time chasing anyone. I'm putting a disclaimer here. Not everything is ghosting or flaking. As I mentioned earlier, life happens.
Or it could take months for the stars to finally align for the fuckery. Not that unusual because we all are adults and we're all busy. As long as all parties are on board, though, you will find the time eventually. Let's say you do get that meeting in person and they flake. What do we do about it? Again, sometimes there are valid excuses. If the other couple wants it as bad as you do, they're going to let you know and they will try to reschedule. Going with the three-strike rule on flaking, we're going to try to meet again.
But if I get a hint that the other couple is not on board or not as forthcoming about being on board, yeah, it's time to let that one go. I'm trying to be very balanced between the shit happens and real flaking categories here. Real flaking is rude. It shows a lack of respect for you, which is indicative of lacking respect in other areas. To do the fuckery with other couples, we have to respect them and we have to respect their boundaries. Couples that repeatedly flake on you, I will hypothesize, are not very good at respecting your boundaries. And boundaries are good.
Boundaries keep people from trying to sneak thumbs up buttholes after you tell them no butt stuff on the first date. Somewhere between flaking and ghosting is lack of interaction. If my wife and I meet a couple and we are excited about meeting them, we're going to let that excitement show. We will want to chat and connect and meet and other things. That's what makes this hobby so much fun. The new relationship energy is a huge high. But if we aren't feeling that energy being reciprocated from the other couple, this ain't worth our time.
To balance out all this negativity, you know, sometimes you just got to have grace and be patient with people. Let people go if they need to go. We can't do anything about other people or what they do. All we can do is control how we react. With that in mind, don't get attached to a couple, as in don't get giddy and happy about the interaction until you've met or you talk Thank you. what they do, all we can do is control how we react. With that in mind, don't get attached to a couple, as in don't get giddy and happy about the interaction until you've met or you talk for a while.
Until you meet these people in person, your only connection is via the internet and texting. Get excited about new relationships, but temper your expectations. When we started, we got ghosted by the very first couple we ever interacted with. I will say it was because we were not using SDC, our social site at the time. We didn't even know they existed. I think the app we were on doesn't even exist anymore, but it was like Feld or 3Fun for some more timely examples. The number of ghosts and flakes and fake accounts on those apps is mind-melting.
The barrier is super low to entry, so it attracts people who don't want to actually invest anything into this Thank you. fake accounts on those apps is mind-melting. The barrier is super low to entry, so it attracts people who don't want to actually invest anything into this hobby. The apps are going to attract all the looky-loos and all the less serious people. We didn't know that. First couple we ever talked to, I thought it was going great. We would all text collectively for hours for a whole week. She was the first person to ever ask about my penis size.
That damn near gave me a heart attack. That moment was scarier than any horror movie. And then we asked to meet in person and poof, gone. They deleted their account, which hurt. I know it hurts. You start wondering what the hell did I say or what's wrong with me? That's the major downside of the apps. There's a lack of community. I talked about validations and seeing that people are part of the larger lifestyle community on social sites. Apps don't have that. There is no way to see who they know and who they're connected with. With experience though, I now know this can happen.
New couples join, they dive in a little too deep, shit gets real, and they retreat. I hope wherever that couple is, I hope they found what they're looking for and they're happy because I'm happy. I look back on it with positive thoughts now because we learned. We learned not to get invested too quickly. So the final lesson of ghost is learn and keep moving forward in your lifestyle journey. Okay, that was all some heavy stuff. Happy stuff now. I need to tell everyone about a new show you need to go check out. Paul and Nikki are hosts of Friends with Pineapples. Friends with Pineapples.
If you're listening to this on Spotify, look under the More Like This tab to find their show. I will also share all their links and social media accounts and descriptions and da-da-da-da. They're a super nice couple. Great information. Paul and Nikki recently did an episode titled Outed, Navigating Privacy and Disclosure in the Swinger Lifestyle. I listened to it. It was fantastic. I can't think of anything that I need to add to this topic at this time. I had one of those dammit moments. Being outed was one of my original show ideas months ago when I started.
And I had it down on my big list of show ideas. It was like number four. After I listened to another episode, I erased it from the list. I have nothing more to add to this topic. They did it justice and their tips are spot on. Again, Friends with Pineapples podcast. Go take a listen to their show after I wrap up this episode. I always appreciate hearing your feedback and comments on episodes or suggestions for topics, so feel free to reach out to me. Go to thatotherlifestyle.com for the blog, the courses, and other fun stuff.
My personal disclaimer, I am not a medical professional nor a trained and certified educator of any kind in any way. I am a guy with a microphone sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only, and please join us for the next episode. Whatever you may do today, I hope you have a fantastic time doing it. Know that you are appreciated and loved. Have a great day.
