Finding Your People: Building Real Relationships in the Lifestyle

Transcript

Speaker1: You're listening to a podcast right now. Driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With RSS.com, starting your own is free and easy. Upload an episode, and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and hundreds more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads like this, even with just 10 listeners a month. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, This week on Hot Couple Chronicles. We have officially left the Swinger Society, and it went well, and we wish them well, and we are here to cheer them on, but it's time to do our own thing, and we just don't want, we want to do our own thing. That's unfortunately the first blame to everything, is always, well, it's because you're, you were swingers, it's because you were poly, it's because you tried something new. sometimes you lose sight when things get wild and crazy and insane and bad and when you see people struggling and going through stuff it's hard to not question like why don't make it weird period like that honestly sums that up you're gonna have to learn how to say no in the lifestyle you can't just say yes to everything always all the time and you're gonna have to be okay with hearing no too i'm in my no toxic friendship era period so The least amount of toxic. Like, the first hint of toxic in anyone, and we're not going to be friends right now. Welcome to Hot Couple Chronicles, a podcast exploring the swinging lifestyle. Our discussions may contain explicit content and adult themes intended for mature audiences. While we strive to offer valuable insights and entertainment, please be aware that the views expressed are based on personal experiences and opinions. We encourage listeners to approach the content with an open mind and to prioritize communication, and respect in their relationships. Remember, everyone's journey is unique, so take what resonates with you and leave what doesn't. Thank you for joining us on our adventure. I'm Russ. And I'm Ashley. And this is Hot Couple Chronicles. Happy Wednesday. Happy Wednesday. Season three. Episode one. Episode one. Another 16 episodes of. Nonsense. Nonsense. You're welcome. I'm excited for this season. We have a lot of fun stuff coming. Yeah, we already have a lot of stuff planned. And we pretty much have the whole season already set up. So as long as everything goes perfectly. which it never does so give or take we have everything kind of laid out already and a lot of new guests a lot of people want to be on the podcast and have a lot to say and i'm excited to hear we want to get a lot of people on that can just different people just to share their a lot of people see some of these people like on social media but really haven't talked to them yeah they don't know their stories a whole lot yeah i'm excited because i that was the intention when we first started the podcast was to just make people on our podcast as real as possible. Show people that we're just normal, regular, everyday humans. And so we've always wanted to have guests that people can relate to and people, stuff people want to learn about that are actually interested in the lifestyle. And yeah, we're excited. We've got a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff planned. It's been a lot going on since we've ended the podcast. That last podcast episode was very raw and emotional. and there's a lot going on there. And I just wanted to say we filmed that episode in December of last year. And so between December and when we put it out in May, there was a lot that had happened between then and a lot of growth and a lot of processing and a lot of accepting. And so don't worry. I know a lot of people reached out. They were worried about me. And I swear I have since processed a lot of that stuff. And it's not as hard and heavy as it was. was when we filmed that episode. And I sat on it for a really long time because I wasn't sure if I wanted to just scrap it. I didn't know if I would get the message out that I wanted to get out there. And I wanted to reiterate that everything is out of love. And we have officially yesterday, when this is being filmed, what is it, May 26th, 27th? Yeah. We are filming this. We have officially left the Swingers Society. And it went well. And we wish them well. And we are here to cheer them on. But it's time to do our own thing. We just don't want, we want to do our own thing. Yeah. We just, we want, our just paths are going a different way. And, you know, you grow apart from people and people change and stuff changes. And we're just really, really excited to just do. Whatever we want. Just do us and do hot couple stuff. And we're excited to see. We have a lot of, a lot of fun stuff coming up, a lot of big plans and things are moving in a really good direction. And yeah, I've been going through it though. I've been going through it. This last few months have been emotionally, like we said, we are filming this now at the end of May. And this probably won't come out until the end of June or July when you're hearing this. But a lot has happened in this. Oh, yeah. It's kind of. A lot's been going on. It's been bananas. It's one of those, if you know, you know. And if you know who we are, you probably know of our friends and, you know, our circles and everybody that we've known in this journey. It's been some wild stuff going on. There's been relationships ending and unfortunately. Your relationships beginning. Your relationships beginning. Unfortunately, we're all content creators and on social media. And so when little things, not little things, but stuff like that, that happens to monogamous people. Yeah. You know, when it happens when you're on social media and you're non-monogamous, it is amplified. So it happens all the time in a monogamous relationship. Yeah. But when something like this happens and the non-monogamous world. Especially when they're on social media. Especially when you're a public figure. It's... It goes a little bit extreme. Yeah, everybody blames the lifestyle. And it's a free-for-all. Wait a minute. That's unfortunately the first blame to everything is always, well, it's because you were swingers, because you were poly, it's because you tried something new and that's not... Yeah. That's not it. That's not it. Did it probably accelerate? Yes. Accelerated it and stuff, but... There was, again, always some kind of issue there. There was something going on. Like I say, this exposes fractures in relationships. And this time it broke. And it happens. It happens. It's okay. And it happens. And people grow and change. And things aren't always the same. And so we love them all. We love all of them very much. We're very close. Very close with them. And we just wish them well. We really hope that they're okay. And we know what everyone else knows. And it's none of our business. And it has nothing to do with us. Yeah, we're not very nosy people. We're in people's business. It's just we kind of let them... We have to figure it out. We're Switzerland. Yeah, we just let them know that we're here if they need somebody. And then we let them navigate it themselves. And we are cheering them all on. We hope for the best. And hope they have the best life ever. We love all of them and it's just it's been a crazy ball ride. This last year has been absolutely wild for just a lot of people who we met when we first jumped into all of this. So it's been crazy. And really that when it comes to like we talk we see groups and we talk about different groups and event organizers. They were the first modern group. Back in. Oh, yeah. Four or five years ago. Oh, yeah. Not that long. And so we've gone through this journey with a lot of these people for the last five years. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not sure where it's headed. And honestly, lately the past month, if anyone follows my socials month or so, I've been kind of quiet and haven't really said months. It's just this constant battle of like, where is this headed? And sometimes I come to this point where it's, is it headed anywhere? I'm definitely like I'm I soak it all in emotionally and I have a lot of empathy for all of people and stuff and I just feel it real hard so when stuff big happens I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it and my heart hurts when people I love are just feeling hurt or sad or so it's like a lot of been going through that and just trying to narrow down what is this all for what is the big picture sometimes you lose sight when things get wild and crazy and insane and bad and when you see people struggling and going through stuff it's hard to not question like why just got to remind yourself the why yeah keep pushing through and that's really been where my head's been at and i've just paused and taken a break and really tried to i've been trying to just kind of remember our purpose here what was our whole reason behind doing the podcast and doing social media and social media is nasty and that's And that's the part of it that I hate the most is social media. But that's the biggest part of what I do is social media. So it's this constant battle of seeing it in your face all the time, the hate and just the negative that gets to me sometimes. You, your video just hits all the, checks all the marks in the algorithm and it goes viral. It goes across people's page that don't necessarily are and the lifestyler don't want to see it. And they feel the need they have to comment. That's the thing. I'll never understand. Like no one understands that you can just scroll and not see it anymore. But you watching it and then commenting is going to put us on your feed more often. The more you're going to see it then. I know. So it's hard not to soak all of those things up and just to really not. I have a tendency to just want to shut it all down and run. Like hide. I end up hermiting and you're in the hermit place right now and I've left all group chats I've just kind of removed myself I haven't really been on social media I've been trying to put the phone down and which I think is good in moderation but it's probably the hardest I've ever hid for her the longest amount of time so I'm climbing out there's a lot I have a lot of stuff coming up and like I told him the other day I was like I really think once I get in my I've been gone for We haven't really gone to any events or anything. I've really been home and it's been a lot of heavy family stuff too so it's been a lot of like we had our oldest son graduate and a lot of family coming out of town and a lot of people and a lot of that personal stuff and navigating kids and summer starting and school ending and getting them through school and getting one graduate. It was just a lot emotionally and physically everything with the kids and planning parties and family time and vacations coming. And personally, there's a lot of stuff going on. And then you have this other aspect of it that's here also what I do full time. So it's just trying to balance it all. And it happens every few months or so. I just got to be reminded of the why. And I was like, hopefully once I get out of the house and back around my people and the community and in my element again, I'll feel a little bit better. And I'll always remember the why. I mean, it takes those interactions and meeting the people to. That's what keeps me. That's what really got us into this period are the people and meeting people and hearing their why. Why is why they can't be public or what their fears or what they like, what they don't like. It's these connections we meet with these other people. that really drove this social media and the podcast. And just like even just creating TikToks and reels and just content itself. I've just been like blanking. Like I don't I feel like I've said all I need I can say. And it just feels like a broken record. And I do feel like I've repeated myself a million times in the last five years. So it's like, where do I want to like, where do I need to touch on still? What do I need to get better at? What do I need? Also, because we are very much. When things happen within the public social media swinger world, since we are very much Switzerland, you're listening to a podcast right now. Driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With rss.com, starting your own podcast is free and easy. Upload an episode and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and more. Track your listeners, see where they're from and start earning from ads just like this. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start your new podcast for free today at rss.com. You're listening to a podcast right now. Driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With rss.com, starting your own is free and easy. Upload an episode and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and hundreds more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads like this. Even with just 10 listeners a month. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start free at rss.com. So we, you are very particular on what you do post just because it could be construed as something about what's going on when it has nothing to do with it. It's been sitting in your drafts for months. And now you feel like you can't post it because it might have some connection to what's actually going on. That's like my swinger society. Leaving a Swinger Society, my resignation letter, that sat in my email for almost two years now. I've had it. I've had it all ready to go. And then I would revisit and rewrite it a million times. And then I'd go back and I almost sent it like a week or two ago. I had it. ready to go. And then I got super anxious and then I put it back in my drafts and then I finally just hit send yesterday. But yeah, I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. And the whole reason we left Swinger Society has absolutely nothing to do with the drama. I just want to make sure that everyone is clear with that. The timing's really bad. I think that was the last straw. I think that did help. That was kind of like the last okay. Like it's time. This is more signs showing us that like what we're feeling in our hearts is probably a fair reason. And that did kind of push us to do that I'm not gonna lie but like it has nothing to do and if you've listened to the last podcast you kind of you do understand and you know what the real reason is and the timing's really bad I get that but it was that okay like this kind of did help us be like this is we were we were right our hearts right like we know we know it's time to just walk away and step away and it's a good timing but and we're not alone there's a lot of us a lot of people that have been coming to me and trying to find guidance and what to do there. And, you know, it's all a personal decision. As soon as we put the, sent the email, put statements on the Discord for everyone. I couldn't just leave my Discord friends without saying anything. I had to say something. Did all the announcements saying, hey, we're just stepping away. Yeah. My phone was blowing up people reaching out. Yeah. And honestly, it was a lot of what could we have done better and it's simple as that tech should have came years ago yeah and that's that's what it boils down to it's just things change and priorities change and you grow apart and that's what it is but i'm more than happy to i'm always there i'm always sharing them on we're always more than happy to collab and do things social media whatever for we'll be at events and we'll be around and we're not really going We're not going anywhere. We're still going to see you guys out and about. And we still might go to... We love Swinger Society's secrets events. And we love all that. So you'll still see us around. We still share all the same friends. We've met so many people on that Discord and within the group. And we have a few wanting to get on the podcast that we're hoping to talk to that we've met there and are part of the Swinger Society. So we're not really going anywhere. It's not that serious. Don't make it weird. Looking to add some excitement to your social life? Meet 3Fun, the free app that connects open-minded singles and couples for fun adventures. With thousands of active users, 3Fun is our ticket to new friendships, flirty encounters, and unforgettable experiences. The best part? It's completely free to use. No hidden fees or subscriptions. Ready to join the fun? Download 3Fun app now from the App Store or Google Play Store and start connecting with like-minded individuals in your area. Don't miss out on the excitement. Find the link below and get started with three fun today like that honestly sums that up and then yeah we have a sighting season three today we wanted to talk i know that took a lot of time but we wanted to talk about finding your people finding those humans that you hold on to and how we have such a good solid group of people that we can call we call them the 3am no questions ask friends yeah there's the it's that real And people ask us about all the time. How did we go about that? Where do we find humans? How do they find people? And honestly, my number one tip always is get out there. Get out there and get out there as yourself. Yeah. I think that's like the key to it. So when you're in a group or a room or a club or anything with full appearance, People being their genuine selves You stick out like a sore thumb if you have a mask on Like you can see it from a mile away And if you're hiding something Or not trying to be your True self Then people are just going to Avoid you And the other people are just going to put A mask on towards you because They don't know how to be And so you're not going to Build that trust and connection when you're not just being honest with yourself. But I think just kind of rewinding back to where did we find our friends? Most people find initially their friends online on some kind of app or website. And we have found a lot of good people online. Pretty much mostly. with everyone that we've met. Depends on where you live and what area of the country you live in. I know some places are SLS is big there and then SCC is really big here. SLS that we have decent. And there's a few people in SLS. SCC is big. Three Fun. We've we've had a lot of people that hate Three Fun. We know a lot of people don't like Three Fun but we've always we've always had a good I mean so it's just like every other You just got lucky too for a little bit. You just weed through all. You can tell when somebody's faking or just trying to. That's the fear people have are fake profiles. Don't believe everything you see and trust your gut. If nothing's weird, it's probably for a reason. On all the apps, you can verify. If you're talking to somebody that's not verified, that's a If they're verified, that means they're photo verified. And they're more than likely the person that you're talking to. And you're not going to like this, but you need to pay to be on a lot of these apps. Like you're going to have to. The way to do it is to just do the lifetime membership. We pay it one time. Then you don't have to worry about it. You have access to it for the rest of forever. And honestly, we're not looking at your profile if you do not. a paid member of an app, usually. And most people that have been in it for a while are the same way. Yeah. They really don't look twice because it shows that you're just not putting as much time and effort. It's not even that. It's literally anyone can click, say, our link and get a free trial. Yeah. But it's like that. But it doesn't mean you're actually interested. That could be anybody that's nosy. Yeah. But it's like you put that extra time and money and effort into it. It gives you that, like, okay, they're serious. They're actually in the lifestyle. They're actually paying money to be here. So they're probably an actual person. So as much as people hate to hear that and hate when I say that, I really, my number one tip is to pay to be a member of these, whatever one, even if it's only just one. If you want to, if SDC, you're in the area, there's a lot of people SDC that you like, then put the money in there or SLS or three fund, whatever, one has like a paid well and that's why we have the free trial so you can so you can go in there make a quick profile and kind of browse around to see what your area looks like before you pay money and it's like a hundred two hundred dollars for a lifetime it's really yeah like yeah it's like two hundred three dollars for a lifetime so you pay it one depending on what app it is but yeah and then you just pay it one time then you have access to everything they also have it's like 25 bucks a month or whatever but that's That's what I mean. You pay for that lifetime thing, and you don't have to worry about it. Then you can always cancel it later if you want to, or delete your profile, or whatever it is. Yeah. But yeah, paying kind of is almost like verifying. Yeah. Because not many people that are just there to be nosy are going to pay to be nosy. If they are, then yeah. But just go with your gut. And then where I highly, highly recommend is in person. Just there's nothing like meeting people in person to really, because you can meet all the people online and then you meet each other in real life and have no interest in each other. Yeah. And just not get along. And the personalities, you can't really get a read on that until you go out and spend some amount of time in front of each other. Yeah. Because I mean, how many, we see it all the time where we'll talk, we'll find people, we'll chat back and forth. and then we meet them in person and it's red flags or silence or they avoid you or it's like okay you know stand in the corner with their arms crossed and just don't even speak yeah you know it's but we met we've met a big chunk of people and at clubs like at the club it gives you a good chance it gives you a few hours it gives you the time to do that or hotel takeovers or events that are longer and stuff it gives you a lot more of a chance to have dinner or sit down or have a drink or whatever it is. It gives you a little bit more time to see. And it really depends on what kind of swinger you are, what kind, how you are in the lifestyle. For, you know, some people, they don't want all of that and they don't want all the deeper friendships and stuff. But this is for, like, people who just want more than that. And, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, there are people that just are there, are DTF. Yeah. There to. Just ask. Yeah. Ask what their goals are, what they're there for, what they like, what they enjoy. People are always happy to talk about themselves. So sit there and listen to people and kind of learn different personalities and pick up. Maybe you'll find people that mesh with you. It's not easy to find your humans. It's one thing to be friends with everybody and to be overall swingers. We could have a good time and party, but it's a whole other thing to find your people and find your support system and find those people that you You can call at 3am. No question. Yeah. It's really the one-on-one connections after the party. Yeah. Like the initial connection usually happens in a party-like environment, let's be honest. Yeah, it's usually a smile. But it's the conversations after that that really start to grow a friendship. I also think that if you're really trying to build friendships, you need to focus more on chemistry versus the physical attraction. Well, like not even the physical attraction, just the physical activities like the play. Like if you're looking for friends. Yeah. If the play happens, it happens. But don't focus on it. Focus on the actual connection with the person. Yeah. And their, you know, their morals and their boundaries and all that stuff. Find people who mesh that way. Body positive. Usually when you have those conversations, the play is so much harder. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because we know the boundaries and what they like, what they don't like. And there are a lot of times where people that I became friends with, I was never physically attracted to and ended up becoming best friends and good friends of ours and made me more physically attracted to them. The more conversations you have and the more you You're listening to a podcast right now. Driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With RSS.com, starting your own podcast is free and easy. Upload an episode and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts. Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads just like this. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start your new podcast for free today at rss.com. You're listening to a podcast right now. Driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With rss.com, starting your own is free and easy. Upload an episode, and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and hundreds more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads like this, even with just 10 listeners a month. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start free at rss.com. Style does not mean that everyone is body positive and open-minded and should be just accepted. We're saying we're looking for those people, but not everyone is that. Be careful, because anyone and everyone can say that they're in the lifestyle, but have completely different beliefs and visions of what the lifestyle is. And a lot of people are uneducated about things, and so you have to really still keep an eye on those red flags, just like with any red flag. Some of the best humans that we've met are in the lifestyle, which is true. But they're just like any other group of people. They're not always good people. So not so great people are really good at hiding the red flags until you get closer. So as you build these connections, you have to be open to stop. Cut the connection. Be honest, but you have to be okay and we we need checked a lot of the time and what we say is it's an us thing and it's not that's not our problem it's not our problem that's not our problem and we communicate we try to be as open and stuff but sometimes you have to just let people go there's things just like any other friendship it is the same exact thing except luckily people in the lifestyle are so much more open-minded on for the most part yeah and more cool and down with pretty much anything. You can just be open and be honest and be yourself. But unfortunately, people be people and just like anything. If you choose to talk to these people about it, you have to be open to the fact that they may get defensive. You might be seeing something that they're completely unaware of. No. And it's just like any other friendship, same thing. You have to work on it too. So we built, the way we've built our relationships, our tight relationships, we usually move everything. to a group chat or a text between a couple. Yeah. We'll do it that way. And honestly, it takes effort just like any other close friendship. Any other. You have to. Don't. If you want that, don't make it all. Don't just be texting each other when you're horny or texting each other. Yeah. Check in on your friends. Check in and care about their life and see how they're doing. And it's not going to always be just sex. Don't be the booty call person where you're just texting at three. But if you're looking to build those relationships, you do need to. It's going to be vanilla. It's going to be boring. Sometimes you're going to have to just check in with them to actually care, actually make an effort and try to meet up and try to get together and try to plan things outside of your events and your parties and your things. I understand not wanting to have everybody at your house or everybody in your hometown or whatever, but it's going to you're going to have to plan some kind of vanilla time to really. So as we build these relationships these friendships as we find more good people we bring them close our friends do the same thing so next thing you know that's how these big groups are built where oh I found this good person do you care if I bring him to this party no bring him And then there's 50 of you. And then next thing you know, there's freaking 25 couples all hanging out. But if you surround yourself with good humans and good people and lifestyle and not lifestyle, you're going to attract more of those types of people. And you're going to people are going to be drawn to you with the same values and morals and goals. And you're going to find more and more. And you're going to be like a magnet when you open yourself up to that energy. People are going to be attracted to you. that and you just have to, I love it. Like I love the more people, when people introduce me to their friends, I get so excited. There's always, especially being a swinger, like you always want to meet new ones, new people, new couples, new dynamics. Everyone's different. You can have 45 people that look similar, but every single one of them is going to do things different, think things different, say things different. So it's really honestly nothing about looks. It's about so much more and get to know people just on that deeper level and, you can still be discreet and have privacy and stuff but you have to let allow some of it in yeah you have to allow people in yeah and just because you're creating a good group a big group of friends doesn't mean that you have to be in a giant orgy either like there will be you know people that enjoy that but that's not for everyone you don't have to but you don't yeah you don't have to and we spend most of our stuff is spent with doing normal regular sitting around talking we just spent the entire weekend with lifestyle friends and no none of that involved we had a whole house and a pool and everything no kids and we still just talked and they're flirty and do that yeah kind of stuff it's fun to be again but being the flirty and it's part of being open is probably my favorite part But we spent all night, just late night talking and crying and loving. You just have different conversations that you don't with regular people and friends that I've ever had in my entire family. People I'm super, super close to, I consider myself close to, never touch the surface of these conversations that you have with lifestyle people. And with that, you eventually do just grow bonds and close. That's why it's so hard to cut off people and to walk away from things, especially for me is just because you have a piece of soul every time I give you a piece of soul. It's much easier for me to be like, hi. It's much easier for me. That's just who I am as a person. It could have been so good. It was fun while it lasted. It's our new phrase as of now. So if you hear us saying that, it's a new t-shirt. It could have been so good. Hey there, listeners. Are you looking to prioritize your sexual health and wellness? We've got just a thing for you. 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Usually they're pretty straightforward. And they're really straightforward. Yeah. They're very straightforward. Yeah. So if that's not what you're looking for, you just let them know, oh, no, that's not our thing. We like to get to know our people before we play. And that's okay. It's okay. Yeah. You're going to have to learn how to say no in the lifestyle. You can't just say yes to everything always all the time. And you're gonna have to be okay with hearing no, too. And that's the thing. That's hard for people. I get it. I understand rejection's hard. But again, communicate. Communicate it. Communicate that you're looking for more than just hookups. That you're not really wanting a relationship, but you do want some kind of friendship. And that's just how. Just be open and honest. Okay, how do you deal with toxic lifestyle friends? You have to be, like, it depends on how close they are. verbiage, I guess. But still being honest and open. Just being choiceful with my words, I guess. How I do it. I mean, it's just like calling any other of your friends out. And if they don't accept it, and they really are toxic, then that's when you have to. Yeah, I'm in my no toxic friendship era, period. The first hint of toxic in anyone. And we're not going to be friends right now. And that's just kind of where I am in my life. It's like any toxicity. I'm done. I'm going to remove myself. Because I just don't have the energy. And I just don't. I can't have that in my bubble. And so that's kind of where I'm at like immediately. I'm sorry, but I just can't right now. So it really does. And like you said, it depends on how close you are. And it depends on how deep the relationship is. How deep is the relationship? Because yeah, like you said, if it's somebody that we're navigating a new friendship with and they start showing a whole bunch of toxic... You can also just not deal with it. That's the thing. You can choose not to. Yeah, you could just... If it's toxic, why would you want to deal with it anyway? So it's like, don't be afraid. If they truly are toxic, they're going to gaslight you and... In the end, it's not going to be what you want it to be anyway. But yeah, it depends on who. There's a lot of things it could depend on. And if it's just a toxic person in the lifestyle and they're a problem, don't worry because word of mouth is huge in this lifestyle. And whether you're on social media or you've never talked to anybody, you will hear. Your reputation is everything in the lifestyle. And it will get out and you will. It will spread. And people will know your character. And what you do. And if it's a pattern. Word gets around fast. And it doesn't take long to be excommunicated. I mean we've been at a party. We've been at parties. And I've been mingling or whatever. And one time we were at a relatively large party. And a wife came up to me. She's like, are you allowed? to kiss. I said, yeah. She's like, can we kiss? I'm like, sure. So me and her started making out. About, oh, 20, 15, 20 foot away, you were there with other friends. And one of our friends said, your husband's kissing the crazy lady. And you're like, oh. And then at that point, I realized at that point, I really haven't I don't know who you're talking about. I know exactly. Once I kiss everybody. I don't know who you're talking about. I do kiss a lot of people. That's why it wasn't that big of a deal with me. People do get nicknames. People do get if there's patterns and they see you do stuff over and over again. People are going to find out in this lifestyle. Was she ever crazy to me? No. Did I take that warning Just kind of back away? Maybe. Yeah. I mean, yeah. You're not going to have as much luck if people are running around calling you the crazy people. So she was a victim of her reputation. I mean, something. There's enough people. It might not have been anything to it. No. Like, I don't know. I don't know. But she got that reputation somehow. All right. Next one. What's the best way to shift from just party friends to real friendship? It's the small group talk. It's the crying together, laughing together. Yeah. It's the hot tub time conversation. To me, it's like, okay, if you're play friends, you probably played. It's the next day. Hey, let's go to brunch. Yeah, brunch. And those conversations where you actually get to know people and about their lives who they are as a human and as they are as people and you start learning I love like getting into people's brains and learning what makes them tick and like their dreams and their hopes and all of that stuff and that's what makes me fall in love with them as humans and deepens your friendship and then the more effort you want to have somebody that matches the effort that you're putting into it so somebody's matching effort and we're always matching each other's effort trying to exceed each other's effort We got really good at just matching energies. Oh, yeah. So if you're not given the good energy, guess what you're getting? Yeah, we've been in that area lately. We're in our matching energy phase. So how are we going to act? We are conserving energy and that's where it all stems from. It's where we don't, we have this much, a tiny little bit of energy right now. And so we only have so much to hand out. We're really trying to make sure that we give it out sparingly and in the best ways because it should be wild lately in there. It should be wild. But we are still, still, no matter how weird things get and life gets and crazy things get, you have to check in. You have to touch base. You have to talk about more than just pineapples and swinging. And if you want those types of relationships, you have to make And you have to just keep in touch. And like any other friendship, it's the same thing. Don't make it weird. It's not that serious. Because it's not. It is just a deeper level of friendship. And you're going to have the most fun with those type of people doing anything and everything. And we've had... That is the whole driving force behind all of this and everything. I think that's why we've really kind of gravitated towards the really close, I love friends boy girl anyone I love all the friends and we've been lucky enough to I don't know if we've been lucky or we have manifested them one or the other but we have the best group of people and some of our tight friends don't know each other yet so we're just now we have we've had a local group of friends that is they're very discreet very quiet they do their own little quiet parties and stuff and no one does pictures and all of that and then we have people that we've known for many years that we know from social media that we've started this whole thing with that we know on tiktok and instagram and everything and we've become really good friends that now go to each other's houses go to different events and stuff and then we have people in event groups and yeah it's really just the people that go to a lot of these events but secrets and they're regulars on to like secrets And they're just as close to us. A certain group's parties. And they just enjoy going. They're not part of really any. It's just how they practice swinging. It's just how they swing. Yeah. But we have just as deep relationships with our friends, like local friends, as we do with the ones we only see as secrets once a year, as we do with the ones that, you know, the real deep friends, the ones that we go to Atlanta and go to trapeze with and stuff. And it's all just as deep, different places you like to hang out but it's all because we have worked hard to maintain those relationships even with people we've only see once a year i still consider them my closest dearest friends and we're talking all the time and making an effort and taking the time to communicate and travel and meet halfway and do the put the effort into other stuff but yeah it's it's a work it's work if you if you want to navigate all these different dynamics and relationships and humans and it's going to be a lot of But they're out there, I promise. Everyone is always so discouraged that they can't find their people and that they see us hanging with our same people all the time. And people get really mad and jealous, I guess, that you're always with the same people all the time. I always see the same faces. And it's because it's our life people, our people. We call up when we have time. We don't get much extra time. What are you doing Wednesday afternoon? Those are the people that call you back and answer you and are down and want to meet halfway or travel to see you or FaceTime you at 11 p.m. and talk about talk shit and stuff. And those are the people that you're going to kind of be closer with. And yeah, it's gonna they're out there, though, I promise. And it's really I know it's discouraging when you live somewhere that's not full of swingers. We are lucky. We are really lucky. to live in Georgia. We have Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, all the southern and southeast states. We are lucky enough to be in an area where there's per capita, I'd say we're probably top tier of lifestyle people. I guarantee we're more than whoever it is in Idaho. I know it's discouraging and I know you might not have your group of people, but I promise you might have to It's going to take time and money and effort, but I promise you, your couple, your people, your group of people, your friends, their best friends are out there, and they're in the lifestyle, I promise, and you're going to have to search a little harder. Well, and it comes back to, like, okay, your friends, but you're really not that close with people, but they're fun to hang out with, and then they have friends, and their friends have friends. Just keep meeting people. And it's literally just expanding your group till you find the people that you have these. Yeah. Like really you have these really deep conversations with. Yeah. Don't even if you feel you're meeting all these couples and you're feeling discouraged. None of them are clicking. You don't like any of them. They're not those people. Keep on meeting people and meeting their friends and trying different clubs. If your club is always horrible experience for you and you're never meeting any person there that you like and you don't like any of the demographic that's around you. in the places you're gonna have to just travel you're gonna have to go outside of your space in your box and you're gonna have to try new things maybe hito once a year is more your thing maybe a cruise maybe you know atlanta maybe you're gonna have to travel somewhere and do something different but they're out there i promise and it's worth it when you find them and you're gonna just like any other relationship go through ups and downs and but i promise the lifestyle ones are the best They're the deepest. You'll never experience any friendship like you will with people in the lifestyle at all. Period. But yeah, that's really all we have to say about that. That was a whole hour episode about it. But yeah, we've got an exciting new event to add to our list of events that we are going to be attending. We have now partnered again with Libertine Events. We are going to host for them. We love Libertine Events. If you have not been to one of their events. Say last time we went to Miami with them. And this time we're going to San Antonio, Texas. And they have a amazing hotel. And they have rooms available. And we're going to do seminars and panels. And dinners and all sorts of things. And yeah, it's going to be a good time. Top Notch, best brand event, best looking events, best human beings. Love. So excited that she asked us to come back because we had such a great time. We've met some really amazing people that we keep in contact with and that we love. And we've taken our friends to our events and they fell in love with their events. So we are so excited to be back and to be hosting with them. And yeah, and then Naughty in New Orleans. is coming up. I'm not really sure where this episode is going to fit in there. It might be sooner than later, but I know it's going fast if not going on right now while we are sharing this episode. But if you see, I'm going there solo. So if you see me, make sure that you come say hi. I have a table. I'm going to have my table set up at the Aster. And I'm a little bit nervous, a little bit terrified to experience Naughty Alone. If you've been, you know it's a little overwhelming. It's a lot. A lot of people. It's a lot. A lot of people in the lifestyle. And it's just the city is a lot. And there's a lot going on. And it never ends. It's always 24-7 fun. But I am so excited to be back again. And to experience it again in a little different way. As Hot Couple Chronicles too this time. So really excited to bring our podcast there. And I have a lot of people that I want to meet. A lot of podcasters. That's really what I'm most excited about. Meeting people that I've looked up to. to and that I've watched for so long. And I want to get my face off there and introduce myself. And I just want to meet people and feel like a little starstruck. There's going to be a lot of faces and people and a lot of friends that are going for the first time. So I'm excited to show them around and show them my favorite. You're going without me, but you're definitely not going to be alone. I will have so many friends there. There's so many people going and I'm excited to kind of show. Everybody's like, you can be the tour guide and show us where to go. We know where to eat. We know where to eat. all the food places so we're excited to show people our favorite event this is our this is our favorite event it's our favorite it's it's not really an event like any of it it's like a city takeover instead of it really is it's up a notch to thousands of people and it's all on the on bourbon street just taking over entire city and it's it's brings the whole the whole thing to a whole nother level and i'm excited to get recharged and and re-energize and just be reminded and to see all the people and gotta get out of the house yeah gotta get out of the house and yeah we are excited to we have a lot of plans for the podcast and we're working on getting better and trying to be we want it to be more casual and a little bit better and we're learning we're not good at public speaking i am an anxious anxious person and i talk over my husband and i'm aware and i know when i get it and i i feel like last season i I really worked hard on that. And I think that I've been really trying to calm my anxiety and not talk and try to get over with as fast as possible and slow down. And we're learning. Thank you for being patient. We don't know what the hell we're doing. We don't know. We're just trying to navigate being humans with all of this wild, crazy stuff. Yeah. Sprinkled into. And we don't know what the hell we're doing. Not one. Not one bit. We're learning. We are learning. But. Try not talk over him. Let's go. I need to go make some dinner. And my foot's asleep. That's really the biggest thing that's going on. My foot's so asleep right now. It's numb. But as always, it's not that serious. Don't make it weird. Bye. Love you guys.