The Truth About Performance Enhancers

Transcript

Speaker1: Today, Dave's serving up some hard truths. Literally. We're talking performance-enhancing drugs, not the kind that get you banned from sports, but the kind that keep you swinging all night long. And trust us, there's no shame in that game. Welcome to Coming Out Swinging. A raw, real look at modern relationships. I'm Dave Arena. And I'm Victoria Arena. We've been together nearly 30 years, married over 24, and swinging for more than 22. Starting this podcast now because for too long, fear kept us from living authentically. from being open about who we are and what our relationship actually looks like. Maybe this is our modern day scarlet letter. But we're here to be both the example and the invitation to help others own their desires and question the scripts we've all been handed. What's broken in today's relationships? Is monogamy even natural for humans? And could the secret to a relationship that doesn't drain your soul be boning other people? This show explores how love, sex, and identity often buckle under the weight of societal expectations. Especially monogamy. Subscribe to Coming Out Swinging. The podcast that redefines couple goals. Straight from the motherfucking OGs. Okay, so today we're going to be talking about some guy stuff. Yes. We have a lot of advice for women or couples together. Right, and we've talked enough about all your pet peeves and stuff. Although I will say this is not just for guys. This obviously is going to be for everybody. Well, and I think there's a women's side to this, too. It's also about experience of the women involved as well, because it all goes hand in hand. So what are we talking about? You know, this is a topic that... Get vulnerable, Dave. Right. Well, it's interesting because I used to feel some sort of way about it, but I don't anymore. And what we're talking about is performance-enhancing drugs. The Little Blue Pill, what have you. I mean, there's different forms. Erection pills. Right. And I don't have any problems about it now, talking about it, and I've even given other... I've given other couples, like, literally. Like, I've pulled the girlfriend over and, listen, I got you. This is what you need to do. Yeah, and I've told other guys that, too, because it's just a reality of the situation that, You will, and not for everybody, you know what I mean, but you will most likely need some sort of enhancer to make it through the lifestyle experiences, especially like in our case where we play out in the open or we're doing group type play. I call it the puppy reaction. Well, there's several reasons so that we'll get into that, right? Because, and that's where I'm going with this, is that I don't really want to, the reason I, I don't mind talking about it anymore, and I'm open about it, is because this has nothing to do with performance in terms of, like, the medical definition of erectile dysfunction. Yeah, like, if I have you to myself, and we're in a room, no problem. Right, exactly. Especially if we're at home where there's no distractions, there's me and you, there's no problem. For sure. So it's not a medical issue at all. No, it's the puppy reaction. Well, you, okay, you explain that one first, because there's several different. So for me, the puppy reaction is like the, you know, tongue is out, your tail is wagging, and they're so excited that they get themselves so worked up that it just isn't happening because there's so much going around on them at one time. So they're seeing stuff, they're hearing voices, hearing sounds, people are stopping and coming in and talking, and it's almost like an ADHD reaction to what's going on around them that they can't. Yeah, and you bring up two good points there because I want to separate them because you're talking about two different scenarios. The first one that you brought up, the puppy one, I take that as the excitement of the moment. Yeah. And what's ironic about that is so many times, and even you have had this reaction, where you can't help but take it personally as a woman. Like, you, of course, are going to think, oh, my God, it's me. Right. That why he couldn't perform. Yeah. I mean, early on, yeah, I did think that. But ironically, and I've told you this many times from a guy's point of view, sometimes, like, the hotter the woman or the, like, I shouldn't, that sounds wrong because I'm not, I don't want to make it sound just because it's a hot woman, but the hotter the woman or the hotter the scenario is, it's going to happen more often because, because of the excitement. So a lot of times when a woman, and thinks it's them. Yeah. It's really like. I mean, take a woman completely out of it. You know, sometimes it's you watching me do something that's hot in the moment with someone else and forget, you know, like, you know, if you forgot the pill at home or whatever. Right. And again, it's because the moment is so exciting. Yeah. Then I can't do my thing. Right. And the reason I said it's ironic is because a lot of women think, oh, it's because of me. And it's actually could be the opposite. It could be like, and it's, there's been so many times where I'm like so pissed because I'm like, holy shit, this chick is hot or this scenario is hot and I can't get it up. And it's like literally the worst time. Like, please, no, don't happen now. Don't happen now. It really happens far and few between now because you, it's like part of your ritual of getting ready to go out for the night, like just to grab that. But there have been the cases like where we've traveled and you forgot it. Forgot it. Or even locally, where we were halfway there and I forgot. And then you're like, crap, I forgot the pill. And I'm like, okay, well, we'll just do something together and then forget that. Yeah. So then the second part, well, that gets to the second part of it. So the second part of what you mentioned is the ADHD, the there's so much going on around you. And this does not have to necessarily be open play or group play. Now with us, it is a lot of times. So that's definitely something because you're you're for sure. You have a lot of people. watching you, you have a lot of people going on, you know, a lot of things going on around you. But it also can even be in a private room because you have, first of all, if you're swapping with another couple, you have four people, you know, so you're watching what your partner is doing a lot of times. Right. So there's that. But there's also sounds in these clubs or these events or wherever you might be at. And there's, you know, there's music and there's conversations. We got into that. We did a whole episode on those distractions. Right. people having conversations and, you know, hearing the sounds in other rooms. So there's a lot, there's just a lot going on that can either distract you or take you out of the moment. And once it's kind of gone, it's gone. It's really hard to get it. You know what I mean? So there is that in terms of that ADHD reaction, you know what I mean? Right. And I think that those are the, so those are the main things when it comes to, again, it doesn't have anything to do with the medical term of erectile dysfunction. It's just that there's so much going on. And I think people will, they feel that way. I don't mean to cut you off, but like, I think immediately that's what a lot of people go to. I know you did in the beginning. Yeah. And that's why I, when I say I don't have any shame in that game anymore and I don't really care, it's because I know what it's about. I know it's not, it's to enhance the, you know, increase the possibility. Right. Now it doesn't always, there are times where you're just It's just not happening, right? Right. But for the most part, it's pretty foolproof in terms of working. Because there's just so much going on and so much to think about that it's just inevitable that you're going to have those times. And it's not only demoralizing for you as the guy, it could be for the woman as well, like we said, because they think it's them. Or it just potentially ruins a whole good time, right, for everybody involved. Yeah, completely agree. Now, I will say, With that said, I would like to talk a little bit about the fact that it's not the end-all be-all, or it's not the end of the world if that does happen, even on a pill. Meaning there's plenty of things you can do. Right. You know, you can service the woman, you can still watch, you can, like, there's a lot of things you can do to participate where you don't have to feel like, oh, I just, like, ruined the whole night. Yeah. We've actually done both, like where, you know, you, you know, like the service of the woman or we've done or you just watch. And then we take that hot moment home. And that's like our pillow talk, so to speak. Yeah. And I give me the woman's perspective on that, though, to just to kind of ease guys's thought. Like if if I mean, once you get over the fact that it's not you, I mean, especially someone like you who has been in this a while. so you know it's not you you know it's the situation what have you how does it make you feel if the guy did just do other things or it was still a fun night no matter you don't really take that well because i know us i mean in the beginning of that like even when i got over the fact that it wasn't me sometimes i felt bad for you like oh this was such a bummer night you know that type of thing he didn't get hit yeah that kind of thing but i always keep it in my head that that's kind of where i'm going to make it on our own, you know, the day, the morning after or when we get home, if we want to reconnect that time, you know, those kinds of things. So it's almost it's not a pressure builder. I don't want to say that, but it's like. But I'm not like I'm not talking about us, me and you. What I'm talking about is if that happened to you with another guy, because I know I'm just from my from my perspective, the way I would get over that is if I was able to still do. to make that woman feel good and have a good time by other means. I would still feel good about it. Yeah. And confident about it. And I wouldn't like, like, yeah, it would suck because if I really wanted it and just, just for the, the, just for the experience, you know, and be like, okay, yeah, I didn't get, like, I don't really care about me getting my rocks off. Sometimes that actually like really moves things along when they're like servicing the female and stuff. Sometimes that really helps. Things get really charged and the guy's like, I just can't, now I'm good to go. You know, that type of thing. Yeah. And I would still feel very good about that at the end of the night because that's just the way I am. But, like, would you feel the same way as the woman in that scenario? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. You got catered to, first of all. You know, sometimes in this lifestyle, we as women like to feel that chase and that, you know, that desired feeling. And so sometimes that's really great. Like, they're catering to you and nothing else matters. You know, sometimes it helps. really excite the man. And then you are going to get some. You just never know. But it's never your fault or because of you, especially in this world. It's just not. So I mean, yeah, absolutely. I totally think it's a positive thing. Yeah. So you wouldn't feel any negative kind of way. You would still feel like, oh, this was still a fun night. But I can't tell you how many women, you know, newbies. Oh, it must have been me. You know, that type of thing. And they should probably just get that out of their head right now because it's like, Like, nine times out of ten, it's not you. Yeah. Well, and most times you're probably not going to be in that situation if it was you to begin with. Like, why would you be with somebody? Right. Exactly. You know, yeah. In fact, like I said, from a guy's point of view, it's usually a big bummer that it's like, oh, man, like, I really wanted this. Not tonight. Yeah, I really wanted this to happen. You know, and I think the other thing, too, is that, and this is, again, it doesn't necessarily apply just to our situation of playing in the open and playing in groups. situations. But the way we play, oftentimes we socialize for a while. And then we typically, unless we were, unless we had already met someone that we were going back to a playroom specifically for, we typically tend to go into the playroom and start with each other, whether that's in the open, whether that's in a room, you know, with the door open or in, we've gone over this in other episodes. And then we typically just kind of, we've found that when we We start the action ourselves and then let whatever evolves. I mean, obviously, that's our thing. We like the spontaneous thing. Whatever happens, happens in the moment. Agree. But because we do that, we tend to play for a long time or we go at it, take breaks, go at it so that I don't know how to describe it. I guess it gives time for people to either roam around and watch us for a while or finally they get the nerve to come up to us or they come in. Like it's me and you playing with each other for a while that kind of is the catalyst for everything. Yeah, it gets things moving. Get things moving, right. So I think what I'm saying is the medication helps with that as well because it'll increase your stamina. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how many times we've heard people say, well, oh my God. You guys have been going all night. Right. They're still going. And that's only because the way we do it, especially with you being into single guys, we are trying to spur the action along and we might have multiple experiences within a night. Yeah. And once I'm done, we're kind of done for the night. Like that's our rule. Like we finish with each other. Right. And then once I'm done, well, not always with each other. No, not always. Could be with somebody else. But once I'm done, we're done for the night. Right. So we kind of keep it going to allow for as many experiences as we can. Exactly. So we can't do that without. That's another. aspect of it is there's just no way. Yeah. And I think there's a time to take the medication as well. Yeah. That's a good point. I think if you are a single guy and you've kind of like felt out the night and you are vibing with a couple or a woman or whatever, you know, if, you know, she's still by the bar area, you know, that kind of thing, or you see her get up to move to the back, go take the pill. Yeah. Because. Like if you're getting signs and you're. Yeah. If you've got. Like you guys are really vibing. Because it is going to take a little while. Like going to a room together or things like that. You know, because you're going to need like that. Some time. 15, 20 minutes for that sucker to kick in. Otherwise, you'll just frustrate yourself. And you can frustrate it, frustrate yourself to the point where it's not going to work. Yeah. And the flip side of that is you don't want to take it too early either. You don't want to take it just when you leave the house. And then if nothing does happen or something doesn't happen for a while. you're watching a girl dance on the dance floor, you know, like that. You're going to waste it. It does. I found that. And this may not be true of everybody. Everybody may have their own experiences. And I guess it also depends on the dose you're taking and what kind of medications you're taking, which we'll get into in a little bit. Yeah. But I found that it's it's really a weird thing. It it lasts for a long time. Like, and, you know, I've even woken up in the next morning. It's still raring to go. Yeah. And that's. you finish the night before. Because of the medication. However, there is a sweet spot during the night where, again, because of everything that's going on and all the pressure and all that, there, if you take it too early, it tends to like, there tends to be a point in time, and you've noticed this, if we've gone at it for several hours, it kind of has that wear off. Like a numbing effect. Yeah, and it's almost like you're just, you're kind of done for a while. Yeah. And then you may, you may recover quicker, like you may, be able to take a break and then get hard again where you also know that if I'm not on the pill and I can't get it up, it's pretty much not going to happen. Right. You know what I mean? There's just too much. Those are the nights that are like the overexcitement nights or the, you know, or you've got the people that aren't following the rules and they're killing your vibes. Yeah, you can have the vibe killer. So look back at those other episodes that we did and this can be a factor. So in terms of what to take, I mean, I guess you can go to your doctor. I mean, we've always been up front with our doctors in terms of like STD testing and other things, but I don't really use my doctor for that. I just have always gone online. I've used Roe in the past, which is really reliable. I mean, you just fill out the questionnaire and, you know, make sure that you pass all the health questions and they actually have a doctor that will, I mean, they just email you or whatever and they give you the right dose or what have you. But, you know, I've tried a couple different ones. the Viagra or the Cialis, which are, I think they're like generic ones or whatever the case may be. Yeah, it's like the compounded version. Yeah, and then I've taken them in pill form. It seems to me that anywhere between 50 milligrams and 100 is good for a night. Yeah. Sometimes even lower than that, you really, I mean, if you start getting closer to 100, 80 to 100, you're probably going to be uncomfortable. Yeah. Like the next day, it's going to be like... Your face will be bright red. Yeah. It's really... There is kind of a sweet spot. I would say maybe 50 or 60. What I really have been liking lately for a couple different reasons are those roe lozenges. Yeah. Because, I mean, you always make fun of me because my face always... They're a little bit... He looks like he's got something in that he doesn't want in his mouth. Yeah. They're like supposedly grapefruit flavor or something, but they're, yeah, they're a little bitter. I do like them because you just put them under your tongue so it's very like you don't have to it's very inconspicuous and also it's quick it's within 15 minutes you start feeling it and it's a combination of the Cialis and Viagra active ingredients which is really nice so whatever that combination is is like the perfect amount of yeah you know and I don't know I mean you'd say it's it's work I mean they've all worked But that's worked like a charm. Yeah, I mean, I think we were a little nervous about that one, but it looks like you're just slipping a little like a lozenge or piece of candy in your mouth. Yeah, it's it's just really easy. It's quick. It's better than looking like you're taking a pill. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, especially in a club. Yeah, I mean, typically I go to the bathroom. Yeah, but yeah, it's but yeah, it's it's quick. It's easy. It's effective. So for sure. Yeah, I mean, I think it's important to talk about these kind of things openly because again, it's the I did not want to I just felt weird about it and wasn't really open about it or I felt like I I don't know why like not that you would not that that ever comes up usually in conversation or something you would offer information but I felt kind of like not shameful but like I really didn't want people to know that like it was like my secret type of thing but I'm not like that anymore because it it is very helpful and there is most of the reasons most of the reasons why you're going to have performance issues are Yeah, I can't tell you how many times we've seen couples walk out and the guy is like pouting. Like he's pissed off. And the girl's like sluggishly coming up from behind, you know, and they're walking out of the club like he just packed up his shit and left because it just couldn't happen. And, you know, that kind of thing where we've had couples that we talked to, then they went back to play, then they came out and she's like, he couldn't do anything. And, you know, like that kind of stuff. You know, those are the girls I've pulled aside and I said, listen, I got you. This is what you need. Trust me. The next time you guys come, it'll be a different story. Yes. Again, hopefully opening up about this kind of stuff will help somebody else and you'll have, trust me, it'll be. It'll be a better time. It'll be a fun time. It'll be a game changer. So we should go on road. We should get a sponsorship. We should get a sponsorship. Yeah, that would be great. I know. It's like perfect. All right. Well, I think that's all for this. all right see you next time if you're digging this make sure to subscribe leave us a review and follow us on tiktok at vick and date we'd love to help you redefine couple goals through non-monogamy without them new episodes every week we'll see you next time