Send us Fan MailThe Swing Nation PodcastReal-Life Swinger Stories: Dealing with Jealousy in the Lifestyle | Episode 33 In this swinger podcast episode, Dan and Lacy talk about how to deal with jealousy in the lifestyle. They discuss their personal experiences on how they have faced both jealousy and insecurities in the lifestyle as well as techniques they have used to overcome those obstacles. Whether you are vanilla or pineapple, this is a great episode for all! _______________- The Swing Nation -Main WebsiteQuick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!)Follow us on Facebook!The Podcast Website_______________ - Swinger Society -Our Website to meet, connect eventsSwinger Society DiscordOur Facebook Group_______________ - Swinger Websites -SDCUsername: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! **SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl_______________ - Merch More -The Swing Nation MerchThe Swinger Pride FlagsSwinger Society Merch_______________ - Lacy’s Fun Links -VIP OnlyFansPREMIUM OnlyFans_______________ -- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off!Non-monogamy Couples Course and Single Guy Mastery CourseUse Code ATLANTA for 50% off!- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.
welcome to the swing nation, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle.
Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together join the nation welcome to the swing nation podcast we are your hosts northern guy and southern girl in today's episode we're going to talk a little bit about jealousy we are we get this question all the time on tiktok just a few times like every once in a while like every three minutes so basically if you're new here or you're just you know kind of learning about us and you kind of came in in the middle we take questions from tiktok and we make podcasts about them yeah like whatever we get the most of we're like let's turn that into a podcast so that way when people say can you talk to me about jealousy we can say go to episode 33 on of the swing nation podcast and you'll find your answers yeah and we've been busy i think is that is that a safe word yeah and so a lot of our recent podcasts have been we've been here we've been there you know we haven't really had a chance to do a kind of a user requested uh episode yeah and we've got two so that's exciting yeah so i think we got a lot to get into with jealousy i i did a fair amount of research um looking into the subject because wanted, you know, some insight from the experts, so to speak.
So there's more to it than I think I initially thought. Really? Well. So you've done the research. Right. I know none of the research. I'm going off sheer emotions. Right. That's basically our relationship.
That is a pretty good – you do a ton of research and you know everything there is to know about it and me i just fly by the seat of my pants make shit up i just make it up as i go that's basically it all right so let's we'll let's so we're going to talk about jealousy and then at the end if we have time here we'll hit uh um we recently went to trap beat so we'll try to try to squeeze out if we can um all right so we'll start with the question what what is jealousy if you had to define jealousy what would would your definition be?
Oh, my God. Why are you just coming in hot? Like, just putting me on the spot. Yeah. I'm a loss for words. I don't know. It is hard to define. I was thinking about this to myself before. Wanting to beat bitches up for touching your man?
so is that a good answer right so you but so you equate jealousy with relationships yeah i mean it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship but just relationships in general maybe at work or something yeah a friendship if you're in your front you know like somebody got hired over you or got promoted over you yeah or like a friend is spending more time with another friend i could be jealous over that I could also be jealous if somebody got hired over you or got promoted over you.
Yeah, or like a friend is spending more time with another friend. I could be jealous over that. I could also be jealous over things, so objects. Or if people have nice things and you don't. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I mean, I like to think I'm more envious and less jealous, but let's just be real. I probably am a little jealous. All right, so I got three definitions for you, right?
And so the first from an nbc news article uh and they say jealousy is the emotion we feel when we feel feel fearful of losing someone or a relationship that is very important to us that's really good or you could say or something you know like you're afraid of losing something yeah but if you were jealous of a possession you're not really afraid you're going to lose the possession like a car or something right if somebody had a nice car and you said like well i'm jealous they have a nice car it's not because you're afraid you're going to lose your car it's just i guess that's more envious i think that's right yeah i think the correct term for that would be envious not necessarily jealous okay i agree with it then all right so that's term one all right so now we're going to move on.
This is Wikipedia's definition. A little different. Generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurities, fear or concern over a relative lack of possessions or safety. I mean, that kind of nails it for me. My jealousy comes from insecurities. Right. And so I think the key word in there, and I think when me and you have had conversations through our swinging lifestyle about jealousy, we often end up at insecurities like those two tend to overlap or intertwine.
And to speak a little bit on that, that's what we found when we're dealing with jealousy, especially within the lifestyle, often when we get jealous, it's because an insecurity with our inner selves has been triggered. Yeah, for sure. I mean, always. The first thing people say when they come, like, why are you jealous? Or tell me. I'm like, it's me. I'm insecure. So I think you're absolutely right. Okay. And then this is definition number three. And this is by Psychology Today.
today uh jealousy is a complex emotion that encompasses feelings ranging from suspicion to fear to humiliation it strikes people of all ages genders sexual orientations and is most typically aroused when a person perceives a threat to their valued relationship from a third party i think that's also correct yeah so that kind of is interesting because it almost intertwines the two right so it's saying jealousy is focused on a relationship and it's also a like a perceived threat to that relationship yeah uh that could be insecurities so i think those are to the two for me reading through, know i don't know i'm probably read through a dozen you know um definitions i think it being focused around the relationship and being triggered by insecurities were kind of the two highlights for me that yeah that made the most sense yeah no i think yeah i mean without looking up the definition without knowing the definition of jealousy i would 100 yeah agree that you essentially said jealousy for you is wanting to be a bit of bitch up when she comes at your man or something like that right that was yeah but that but i mean that's that encompasses what we're talking about i mean that was kind of a joke kind of not a joke um but i i don't know but're right.
If I, it is my insecurities, a hundred percent. Okay. So what, let's, let's, I guess, dig into it that a little bit. Um, what, what types of things make you jealous? Is this just going to be interrogating, interrogating me? No, I think my things are going to be similar to your things. Well, can you still? Because I feel like I'm on the spot. No, I think for me, it's a lot of my insecurity.
So I would be jealous of like maybe if you were attracted to a man that was ripped and had a bunch of muscles or, you know what I mean?
Or maybe if he's taller than me, you know, he's bigger and stronger than me yeah uh you know i think when you perceive and it kind of gets back to the definition right a perceived threat yeah so if i you know if you're flirting with a guy that i don't see as a threatening guy right correct not somebody i know you're not going to be super attracted to and then there's not that's not going to trigger my jealousy but once i perceive him as like oh wait that guy's yeah you kind of just nailed it for me.
Like, I find that I'm jealous of women that I could see you potentially wanting to be with like forever, not necessarily to hook up with or women that provide a sexual fantasy or something that like a kink of yours that I don't provide for you like if i see you doing that with someone else it triggers something and that's kind of twofold because one i'm glad you have somebody to do that because then i don't got to do it you know like so that's a good thing but then on the other hand it's hard to see because then i'm like, am I not enough because I'm not giving him that?
Right. So it sparks jealousy. Yeah. And we've actually got deeper when we've had personal conversations about jealousy because one of the things you, you know, like the solutions I think you proposed at one point in time in our relationship was, well, we just won't play with like hot girls. Like we just won't like especially like.
No, don't think i've ever said that because i i don't want you to have coffee or sex with ugly girls right i mean that i don't think i would i think we had that conversation i'm like well wait a minute like you know i can remember having this discussion yeah i don't think you want to talk about it but i don't remember yeah it was essentially you're like well we'll just like maybe not super hot girls right so it's like well wait a minute maybe hot but not super model right and that's conflicting because it's like, well, we'll just like.
Maybe not super hot girls. Right. So it's like, well, wait a minute. Maybe hot, but not super model hot. Right, and that's conflicting because it's like, well, we do this to kind of explore fantasies. Yeah, but at the same time, flip that around. How would you feel if like every guy I was choosing to swing with was like a muscle like juice head guy?
And I was, you know, so I mean like, and then you were like, maybe let's not get so many muscular you know i mean it's the same thing yeah yeah no i get what you're saying i think we have a different take on that i think if every guy you wanted to fuck was hot muscly guys i think i would be more okay with that than you would be if it was the reverse probably yeah but it is it is an interesting where it's like okay here's a question we're doing these things to explore our fantasies but if those fantasies trigger jealousies then we almost like it's like you're fighting yourself in a lot of ways yeah what if the guy was like super dominant over me and i like really was submissive to him and we all know i know dominant men i think would be another thing that triggers me a little bit because that's a that would be different than their physical appearance well i think i'd perceive that as a threat like so that goes back to what you know what triggers jealousy a perceived threat like yeah well dominant male being controlling of you i think this would be almost a perceived threat to our relationship yeah okay we kind of we could work through it but i think it would be yeah yeah it would be an initial well and the reason i say that so like we like you're definitely dominant over me we don't do like dom sub right we're not full yeah but you definitely have the upper hand in our marriage i mean like i can be a brat and talk back and stuff but i I mean, especially in the bedroom, sexually, you are like the leader, the help me here, babe.
No, you're right. Yeah. I mean, so, yeah. So I could see where that would be a problem for you. Yeah. So that's so. And then, OK, so why am I jealous? Right. So many root causes for jealousy include low self-esteem. Right.
And I think that's kind of hinging on what we're talking about um possession over others so if you are over possessive of somebody if somebody's over possessive they probably often feel jealous um and then fear of abandonment so if you have a history of abandonment or you know if you have some kind of psychology you know like if you've had i think that's a really good point because like that's i get that so many times like people are like well i'm afraid my husband is going to find someone and leave me and i'm like my response to that person is if that's where your mind is maybe swinging is not maybe you're not there yet yeah yeah that's it is you know we talk about you have to have a strong relationship but you have to you know you have to have a strong self-worth too to be able to enter in this lifestyle because if you have issues with insecurities issues with you know fear of losing somebody you know any of those you know a lot of you know mental know, lifestyle.
If we're swinging, we're probably a little crazy anyway. Right. But what I'm saying is a lot of the things you do in the swinging lifestyle could trigger a lot of that. Yeah, absolutely. So it is interesting. So what is your take? Are men or women more jealous? I don't know. This is an interesting subject as well.
Is there do you have a statistic no i just have what psychology today says oh um i don't know i i would say women right i think if you ask me that question are men or women more jealous my knee gut my you know gut reaction would be women are more jealous and honestly it's not really a fair question because their answer is a little it kind of says both but but we'll get into it so it says uh evidence suggests that in the context of romantic relationships men feel greater jealousy about sexual infidelity so men get more jealous when women are sexually active with their partner and it says women get more jealous uh about emotional infidelity yeah i mean that's not surprising at all which makes it does make sense total sense because i think you know again we're just talking here right this is dan and lacy's we have no we have no professional training but it does seem you know in my experience that women tend to need more of an emotional connection to be intimate with somebody.
And they tend to value that emotional connection more than the actual act of the sex. Yeah.
I mean, so just like a little backstory, um, a previous person in my life cheated on me and honestly something okay so he told her that he was only with me for the child and of course she told she said that to me and to me that was they were emotionally connecting right that hurt more than him fucking her right and that emotional connection like the words that he said the fact that he would go to someone and say those things yeah does that make sense yeah and i can recall one time you know because again we talk about jealousy almost every time we have some kind of encounter we talk about something related to jealousy um one time we were having coffee we were having sex with another couple and afterwards you said you said something like you brushed after you were done having sex with her you brushed her hair out of her face and i did not like you're like that was like yeah like it triggered me which is so funny right because we just you know you watched us have sex and you were totally cool with that but after the sex was done i brushed her hair out of her face and that's what set me off and you did not like that at all yeah yeah but i think it's you know it goes back to that that's like almost showing more of an emotional type like you're taking care of her you know like and that's more of an emotional connection and that's that's what you didn't you didn't like um okay so next question moving moving on so how like go ahead go ahead no go ahead what were you gonna say no i'll let you go okay you've got the agenda i will i will follow um is jealousy a good or a bad thing in like in swinging in relationships i think in general um maybe we can talk about i don't know like textbook if it's good or bad i i personally want you to be a little jealous you've actually said that to me right and i've said you're so toxic lazy that was your exact words you said i was toxic so why i guess why do you want why do you feel like i should because i feel like i am a little jealous like let's okay so let's back up i've always been very honest with my jealousy as far as tiktok as far as our friends everybody knows that like I have my moment so I don't I don't try to downplay the fact that I do get jealous however I probably sound like a crazy person here like that gets always that gets jealous all the time but realistically I don't get super jealous and I don't if I do it's minimal you know and we just kind of have a conversation and move on um but I guess because I know how much I love you and how sometimes I like how things happen and they do hurt and not that I want you to hurt no I know what you're saying but I mean like I want you to love me that much that you don't I don't can't think of the words i can't get the words out no but so you you perceive it as if i don't feel jealous you don't really love then i don't really love you or i don't value our relationship the same way like you're not afraid to lose me as just you're not as important to me as i am to you yeah because i'm not having these same feelings yeah i mean like i don't want you to be the type of man that's like beating everybody up because you're jealous but like i want you to see me into a guy and you be like a little bit like like just a little bit just like a little tinge of jealousy like just a tiny bit yeah and i do i do i think i think for us i just i voice mine a lot well i think yours is more to the forefront, right?
Like I think I can feel jealousy, realize I'm feeling it, and deal with it without really even having to like bring it to your attention where if you feel even a tinge of it, I think normally you bring it up like right away. Yeah. Like I can't. Sometimes you shout it in the middle of an orgy in the middle of a club. Yeah, I mean, usually I'm joking. Maybe not joking. Not joking, right. Well, I think you're being serious, but you're also realizing. Yeah, I do realize that I'm kind of ridiculous.
What I see makes me jealous, but I also get that it's okay. It's mostly like you're acknowledging both at the same time. Yeah, for sure.
Man, the way Dan is fucking Malia is really hot, but it's also making me feel jealous so i'm gonna yell jealous yeah we all laugh but it also is a thing so if you're new here that's kind of my go-to so when people say like how do you tell your spouse you're jealous that's that's my go-to just yell jealous yeah and within our group it's almost become like a not a joke but people know right yeah it's a thing and i think everybody realizes it's serious but not serious like yeah that's lacy acknowledging her feelings but not she's not pissed if it was really serious we would have a private conversation and we have and we have lots of times yeah uh so this is saying you know so we started this bad?
And it says, you know, you know, it's, it's good up to a point. Right. And it kind of gets into, you know, the reason we get jealous is it was probably once required to be jealous, to, to preserve relationships. Yeah. In my previous marriage and relationships, I was very jealous.
Like I know that we joke and say that I'm jealous now but like when I say jealous before I mean like looking through phones and checking things and checking phone records of course I was cheated on um but I always I mean it was like I felt like I had to be jealous to keep us together. Is that like kind of fucked up and in a weird way? I don't know. Yeah. Well, I guess, you know, because I can almost relate to that. But on the opposite side, right? Like, I know what you're saying.
But from from me, it was my phone phone was the one being gone through and stuff. And I don't I don't know where that like the line is at like at what point you know is your relationship yeah you know yeah because I do like like when couples like I picked up your phone and unlocked it and looked up something earlier and um hopefully you know you don't have anything in there that I couldn't I Well, I got all kinds of stuff. You know what I mean?
But, like, in previous relationships, I've not been able to do that, right? You know? So I think there is something to be said that you don't have to be so secretive that you're okay with it, but at the same time giving each other privacy.
Well, this is a little off topic, but I think that's part of what i like about our relationship we've gotten to the point where like we you know like our marriage isn't going to end because some dude sent you a dick pic you know i mean like like it's i think we've kind of realized like that's whatever i usually show them to you please don't i did twice today yeah you were showing me snapchats but you know i mean like it's to the point where like if some girl sends me a picture of her boobs which i don't have snapchat anymore i got banned but you know like it's not a big like it's to us that's just a thing right like as long as you're not running around having you know having sex with guys behind my back like we're cool for the most part yeah now if it's any you know if we are pursuing actively pursuing people we're going to be having coffee with um obviously we need to have a conversation at that point but some of that little innocent you know back and forth stuff i don't think we get too much caught up in it yeah correct because of the point where we're at in our relationship which is nice and for us you know i think that's nice but i get you know that's not maybe something that's possible for every relationship um what's the cure for jealousy i don't think there is cure right so if you were gonna fix it so a lot of people like come in our tiktoks and stuff and they say what about jealousy and my response to that is communication in order to swing with your partner in order to to pursue this lifestyle you really have to have a lot of trust in them and you have to communicate about everything if you're doing it the right way let me say that because a lot of people probably swing and don't communicate the way that they should but if you are doing it the correct way you should be talking about every single thing so when people like come into the live and they say well what do you do you know if you're jealous I'm like I just tell him I just I just tell you I'm like that bothered me when you did this and we talk about it and we've actually and we talked about on previous podcasts where we've tried things that made each one of us jealous and then we said okay we're not going to do that anymore because that didn't work for us so you know some things it's you communicate about it some things it's trial an error um unfortunately like you have to just kind of like lessons learned you know, some things it's you communicate about it.
Some things it's trial and error. Unfortunately, like you have to just kind of like lessons learned, you know, you just got to put yourself out there, see what you like, see what you don't like. You can tweak your boundaries and your policies. I guess you don't have policies. I don't know. Your boundaries. Rules, limits, boundaries. Yeah, yeah. We also have our rules. I personally think that we have our rules and our boundaries at a place to protect that as well. Right.
And, you know, all that's fluid. I think our rules and boundaries definitely change from couple to couple. They do. And, you know, sometimes how we feel that day. You know, how willing we are to maybe push some of our boundaries.
You know i think all that's very very fluid but it is an interesting um well like for instance we keep all communication in group messaging whether it be text kit groups whatever it may be snapchat um as far as people that we are actively pursuing like obviously i have snapchat for business purposes. And that's a different situation. Um, as far as people that we are actively pursuing, like, obviously I have Snapchat for business purposes and that's a different situation.
Um, but because we do that, right.
Because one, if you were off talking to girls on the side, my imagination would think that again, that y'all are like, y'all are building a house with a white picket fence and a cute little yellow door and a dog and two kids and y'all are going to run away together and leave me you know poor in the dog house so when we have it in a group message i can see everything that's being said in my imagination doesn't get the best in me yeah so that protects me that helps me not be jealous right and it's not that it's yeah it's exactly what you're saying it's we've found that that works best for us because of we know the way that we you know respond to that that type of flirting and things like that we know it's okay in a group setting and actually it turns us on a lot yeah it is um but outside of the group setting it doesn't work for us we get we get i guess too jealous in ways yeah absolutely um what else anything else how would you fix jealousy if you had to any advice what have we done i guess other than just talk about it and so i mean like if you've been around a while you know that dan played separately once and i was extremely jealous we decided that that's not something that we would ever do again at least not now i mean who's to say 20 years from now 10 years now that that might change but for now it works for us to not do it that way yeah um i'm sorry well what i was going to say to that is i think that's important for people coming into the lifestyle to realize that it really is a journey like we talk about you know our lifestyle journey well it really is like when you first dip your toes in the water you're gonna you're gonna say to yourself well I would never do this I would never do that and then you know three years later four years later you you're gonna probably maybe open up a little bit and be like well actually that looks kind of fun or that you know yeah I might be open to that idea and you know we're six seven years into this at this point and I think we're still somewhere you know on that journey you know changes I mean we also do same room personally another thing I like to be able to see what you're doing I like to be able to make eye contact with you I like to know I don't I just need to see it all i need to know what's going on and if i don't see that my imagination again gets the best of me um and so that doesn't work so being there being present everybody can see everything's out in the open works for us yeah and so this this article is saying that you know yeah to to cure jealousy you do have to accept that it's it's normal that it's something that everybody experiences and that's you know i get i almost laugh when you get these couples that are like we never get jealous we hear that a lot on t-talk and i'm like really i mean it's like that couple that says they never fight right i mean my hat's off to you if you really never fight.
Dan and I fight four or five times a day. When people tell that, but in some ways it's a red flag to me, right? If you say, oh, we never have gotten jealous. It's like, then you're not communicating or like somebody's harboring some sort of deep feeling. Right. There's some kind of, you're presenting yourself on a false front. Why are you doing that? Like, it's okay to get jealous, right?
So, I mean, maybe there are people, but but to me if you don't get jealous at all that that is in its own way a kind of a red flag you know yeah about your relationship i would be mad at you if you didn't get jealous at me well you've already talked about you want you want me to be more jealous i'm not jealous enough for you no no i don't want you to be more i mean maybe just like a tad bit more yeah yeah um and it does does say if jealousy becomes overwhelming then you may need to seek some kind of outside therapy or yeah and they do have counselors and therapists for swinging couples or non-monogamous couples so you know and honestly if you are in a relationship like a vanilla relationship and you are struggling with jealousy i don't think a lifestyle slash swinging relationship is going to be healthy yeah i think you know if you are a type of person because you know these people come to us all the time on tiktok and say i think i'm too jealous of a person to do this lifestyle well if i think if you really want to pursue the, you would have to work on yourself first.
You might have to go to a therapist. You might have to do couples counseling. You might have to, you know, maybe you do have trauma in your life that has, you know, that fear of abandonment is so strong in you. You just can't get over it or pass it or work on it enough to be able to engage in something like non-monogamy.
So, you know, serious about wanting to try non-monogamy maybe step one is let me let me deal with my insecurities and my fear of abandonment issues so that i can get to that next step where i can actually try this without being overwhelmed by these jealous yeah feelings correct which is which is interesting that seems like that's it's too clinical for me yeah it's a little too clinical yeah i also had another person i think this is like a good point um to bring up somebody came into a live last week that said that that her husband and her or her and her husband sorry i said that wrong want to be in the lifestyle but he doesn't want to bring men in he only wants females because he um he would never be able to look at her the same if she slept with someone else and i was like that's fucked up but that's a form of jealousy right well it goes back to what we talk about the way males perceive um because like as soon as she fucked someone else she's tarnished well no no no.
It's just for men, you know, for women, it was the emotional connection. For men, it's the sexual connection, right? I told her, I was like, I'm sorry. In my opinion, that's not. It's like a double standard. Like, he can do it, but you can't. I mean, I don't know. I personally was like, that's not something that I would support. Or I think that's kind of fucked up. Sorry. And we've gotten into that.
I think we talked with party mark when we were talking to secrets about that a little bit that uh that you see that often where there's couples where you know one partner's like well i want to do this and it's okay for me to do this but i don't want you to be able to do that yeah yeah and that's that's not a good way to start i mean obviously there's couples that do that and there's couples that make you know exception you know whatever they they allow their partners to do that because they just want to be a part of the lifestyle any way they can but it's probably not the healthiest way yeah yeah i'm sure that honestly that couple for example he would probably they would probably find a female and have some fun and then he eventually he would realize and then she would probably let her be with a man you know i mean it probably would work out but i don't know i just that kind of just gets under my skin yeah so do you have any advice to somebody that's partners a jealous type of a person like how would you hear them out validate their feelings even if you don't agree with them i think sometimes for me and you personally you tend to think i'm just like overreacting um and i probably am on some levels to be honest with you because i'm like you think very logically and i think like with my heart and my feelings um and sometimes i wish that you would just stop and say your feelings are valid right you know like you have the right to feel what you're feeling um instead you're the type of person that just like tries to prove to me why you're right and i'm wrong right no i think what you're saying is right right so if you come to me and you're saying like oh i'm I almost automatically jump to the defensive and be like, wait a minute, I didn't break any rules and I didn't do anything wrong.
And like, you know, you can't be mad at me. I didn't do this. I didn't do that. You know, instead of being like, well, tell me what made you feel that way. And why are you feeling that way? A lot of times I automatically jump to the defensive because I think in my head, I'm like, no, I didn't like I did this right. I didn't. You can't be mad at me. I didn't do anything wrong. So I'm trying to, like, defend myself from my actions. When in reality, you're just trying to share your feelings.
Yeah, because you're right. So, like, and we talk about this in Limes.
Anytime that we've had jealousy issues, neither one of us have ever really broke any major boundaries all of our jealousy issues are our own insecurities right a thousand percent um it's you know i'm not feeling so confident in myself that day or he was really into her and i thought that like maybe he liked her more than me because she was prettier than me or maybe she does that thing that i don't do better or you know or I'll see you next time.
liked her more than me because she was prettier than me or maybe she does that thing that I don't do better or you know or obviously if I'm not doing it she's doing it better but you know what I mean like it normally comes back to that and not so much that we've done anything wrong yeah and you know again this is saying the same thing right show compassion to your loved one um, you know, talk about their feelings, validate their feelings.
Um, you know, again, this is saying the same thing, right? Show compassion to your loved one. You know, talk about their feelings, validate their feelings. And then this is kind of good. Talk about what triggers that feeling. Right. Like get to the root cause. Like, what is it that triggered it? And kind of why did it trigger it? You know, kind of like back to the brushing the hair out of somebody's face. Like why out of everything that happened that night?
Why is that the thing that made you feel jealous? Right. Yeah. And it's like I think what you're saying was, well, because that's emotional. Thank you.
back to the brushing the hair out of somebody's face like why out of everything that happened that night why is that the thing that made you feel jealous right yeah and it's like i think what you're saying was well because that's emotional that's romantic that's you know that's that's more than just fucking right that's that's some kind of other it appears to be right yeah so one thing that makes me jealous a lot is when you finish with someone else and i that is not a boundary of ours why are you sorry because i know that that's 100 it's funny because We'll see you next time.
finish with someone else and i that is not a boundary of ours why are you sorry because i know that that's 100 it's funny because i don't think you've never tried to institute that as a rule but i do know that that's like on the boundary of kind of our rules it is a boundary and here's why okay so first of all we're together one week on and one week off a lot of times when we swing we will meet there so like i've came from my house and you came to your house and then we met so we are going on five six seven days of not being together and then we jump into these situations where we're swinging and you have not finished other than with yourself for quite a you You know, so it it doesn't take you super long that first night, you know?
And so I guess because you and I have not been together for those days, it's almost like, I like kind of like a, like we need to reclaim, even though you haven't slept with anybody. You want to reconnect with me before you share me, so to speak. Yes.
So so if you think about it most of the times that i've been jealous we have not or like maybe we were able to like have a little bit of alone time in the hotel before we went out so like we played around a little bit but like you didn't finish because obviously we had big plans for that night um but yeah i mean i don't know why i haven't ever put that in place or even asked you i guess i don't want to be one of those couples right i do wish that you were a little bit more aware of it if you want me to be honest with you um just so we don't have because i don't want to do that i don't want to make that a boundary of ours.
Right. Well, and you don't want to because you feel – because you orgasm fairly easily and usually multiple times with partners. I don't think that's fair to you. Right. So you could never be like, we don't do that because it's not really an option for you not to do – well, it would be very difficult for you not to. It would be very hard. So then it's like, well, then what's – how do we negotiate this?
Yeah, and then also then also when you finish you're kind of done for the night like you're not one of those people that can like well we usually end up reconnecting them before the night's over correct even if i do i guess so yeah you're right you're right but so anyway i guess like i feel like if you finish with someone else and there's not a lot of time for reconnecting with me right and then the next step to make your partner feel less jealous is negotiate boundaries that feel acceptable to both parties and that's basically what we just did live right here on our podcast i don't know if we we i think we agreed that they're i'm just gonna try not to well no i mean yeah i don't know i just ask that you be a little bit more mindful of it okay that's all i'm super mindful of it are you i am i think i am yeah you do sometimes i'll give you the look like don't you care if she does that then i'm gonna do it because we're both rebels like yeah he does that so like our first couple that we swung with do you you know what i'm about to say yeah but save that and let's take a little break okay from our sponsors and we'll come back and lacy will tell really the first time she got jealous and probably one of the biggest jealous issues that she's had yeah right.
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Make sure you join the Swing Nation SDC group and send us a message all right welcome back story time all right so tell us the story about how you well okay i did not like the girl first of all right you'm not gonna beat around that bush it was our very first couple that we ever swung with she was adorable she's beautiful something about her just got under my skin and he i was not overly attracted to him but he was not an ugly man by any means he was handsome he was kind and nice it wasn't like taking one for the team you know i know we hear about that a lot it wasn't that i just right he didn't like blow you away but he was a decent yeah he was a yeah he was somewhere in the middle so keep that in mind and i had asked you to not finish with her.
I think so, yeah. Yeah. And she was just driving me nuts. I mean, like, everything about her was just annoying to me. She was, like, a decent amount smaller than me as far as, like, physical size. Insecurities. Yeah. So there's my insecurities.
And she was the type of person that just crammed it down your throat which you disagree with uh i i think you took it as like she was doing it on purpose like you know like she was trying to like you know i think you thought she was doing it purposefully where i think she just wasn't mindful that it was something that yeah she definitely struck me as one of those people that just was completely oblivious to what she was doing i just think it was just she's just i don't know for whatever reason she talked she kept going i am so tiny like she was like five two or five one or something yeah she's a small girl and you're like six something and and like a little backstory dan's kink is like tiny humans of age insecurity um so you know again we're like a month and a half into our relationship so what i just heard is lacy's insecure that this girl is smaller than her then she's also insecure that she knows i like little girls i can throw around and toss around right yeah there's two insecurities that correct and she would not shut the fuck up about how small she was she's she's like i'm fun size i'm so small i'm so cute look at me you're like bitch if you don't shut up about your size i'm gonna throw you like i'm looking at dan like if this bitch does not shut the fuck up we're gonna fight you know so like she was just really i mean honestly like and then um the male half could not work yeah he was struggling a little bit performance anxiety yes um i think you kind of struggled a little bit i did a little bit that time um too i mean if you're calling me out i'm gonna call you that's fine i'm okay anyway you ended up finishing with her um after i'm like gave you the eyes like don't you dare finish with her and i got up and walked out of the room she's like uh it's time to go home i was like i'm out of here let's go damn yeah and they could tell yeah they could tell i was just over it it had been a long night you know it was like 2 a.m i had never swung with anyone that i loved or even cared about i had always ever you know been a unicorn so it was a completely different experience for me and i was just i was just done i was mad at you i was i wanted to punch that bitch in the face i just it was time to go it was time to go so we did leave we didn't even really fight i don't remember no you were pretty much like it's not your fault but that pissed me off and i was like yeah i get it they actually reached out to you privately and was like is she okay and of course you were like, she just wasn't feeling well.
You know, you're typical. What every swinger couple does. What every swinger couple does. When they make a fool of themselves. But that is the only time that publicly I've ever done anything. And that was my very first swinging experience. No, usually your other freak outs are when you're getting ready to go to a thing. But that's not jealousy.
It is insecurities, but not jealousy that's another that's another podcast babe we've talked about it several times um okay at what point is jealousy too much like a red fly like if your partner's overbearing jealous you know um i don't know have you ever been in a relationship like that where i've always been the one that's too overbearing too too jealous i've been the person trying to control yeah your partner yeah yeah so and i think i think you know i'm just being real like 100 here no but i think there is a point at which jealousy turns into like manipulating controlling behavior and it's just not a healthy relationship yeah no absolutely i think it is that's why i love our relationship it's like the first relationship that on both parts i i can i can be 100 me and not have to hide anything and just be who i am and and be loved and accepted i've never felt that way but anyway so i guess my point of this is maybe point some of those out just in case if somebody's what I don't want people to think is, oh, jealousy is normal and natural and it's all fine.
And if you're in a unhealthy, manipulating, controlling relationship, you know, you do need to break away from that.
And so some, I guess, characteristics of that is person makes wild false accusations right so it's always accusing you of doing things that you like you're gonna run away and get a house with a white picket fence all right so that's lacy um tries to isolate you from people that trigger her gel his or her jealousy why'd you say hers well it says his or hers um i'm Would you isolate me from people? You know, I think another one is isolates you from your family. I think that's another.
I've noticed in any, like, those type of toxic relationships, that team tends to be a, you know, if they start trying to separate you from people that might, like, tell you to be watch out for them or something like that, that seems to be a red flag.
Unhealthy and potentially dangerous, watch out for all that stuff okay i'm watching you babe what i mean what was there any of that stuff that you you don't separate me from my family or no i love your family trigger me maybe i need to talk to somebody oh hush it i am not that jealous okay what is the opposite of jealousy do you know the word we've talked about this before about it i don't know how it's you you tell me compersion yes i've heard a lot of tiktokers talk about that yeah and this is it's a pretty common i did not know that word before term in the polyamory non-monogamous realm yeah and it is interesting that think about it like everybody in the world knows about jealousy, but nobody, not too many people know about the word compersion.
Right. What's the definition? Do you have it? Yeah, I got it right here. OK, because honestly, I don't know a lot about it. So I'm kind of excited that I'm learning this. So it's the opposite where the partner is the individual feels happy for them., right? So when you see your partner engaged in something that brings them joy, it brings you joy. Yeah. Right. And, you know, like Daddy Mike comes to my mind. Yeah. I think he, you know, there's certain people.
And I think maybe it's, I think the hot wife realm is probably full of people that, you know, for the hot wife people, whatever partner is not, well, usually it's the male, but it doesn't always have to be. I think compersion is what drives them a lot of times. They get satisfaction of knowing their partner is satisfied. I don't get that. You don't get that? I mean. It's like, what? No, it's about me. Why would I be happy, why would I be happy? Just what would, why would it make me happy?
Just because they're happy. You can rename this episode. Red flags. Lacey's red flags. No, I mean, like, I like seeing you like have coffee with other girls because it's hot as shit. I like seeing you happy, but like not too happy.
Well, I, so I think, you know, I think if you say like like sexual pleasure a lot of people can't be like oh yeah i would feel gratified from seeing you be happy but what if like you gave me a gift and you like a unicorn yes but like a president like christmas and you see how happy that makes you happy right okay yes so i think i think we all experience this feeling of compersion it's just maybe not we can't it's hard for people i think to relate to it sexually but if i said to you like oh does it make you happy when you give me a gift and you see me light up and it makes me happy right yes right that's so you you get what that feeling yeah like if i had a unicorn hid in here yeah okay and you came home from lunch you're like hey babe i'm home i'm like look at this gift i got you that would make me happy unless you thought you're really hard and she was really skinny and really intense but compersion is that that genuine you get joy from others joy yeah or you get pleasure from other pleasure so that's kind of it's the opposite right so instead of feeling like when you see somebody else get something you're like oh i wish i had that yeah right the opposite is you see somebody else get something you're like oh like that makes me happy that they're happy yeah no i agree can i throw a curveball in your um little agenda there sure so what about in in swinging what about couples jealous of other couples yeah there is that but i mean it's still jealousy right yeah i mean but we just didn't talk about it so that's why i was gonna bring it up so like for example you really really like playing with this couple and they're like you're not not your couple.
Cause nobody claims anybody. It was like, you'll have, you'll have coffee. You play around a lot and then you're all at the club and that couple goes back to the playroom with another couple that could make you jealous. Good. Yeah. A hundred percent.
It has, you know, I mean, and it, it's not, it's it's not i mean that's probably more common for you than you being jealous of me would you say maybe yeah i don't i don't know you're giving me this look no i think that's a different i mean yes that's still a form of jealousy so you're 100 right just i'm just bringing it up because we are talking about swinging and it is yeah it's it's not like when we say jealousy, we think of I'm jealous of you because this, but like that is definitely a part of swinging.
Yeah, no, I think you're right. I mean, it is, it's along the same lines. Could that be envy though? Is that more like they have a nice car and we don't have it? Or is that more, I have a fear of losing that thing?
But had already had it before like that would be a fear of losing it maybe you have a really good connection with that couple yeah and you played on multiple occasions and then all of a sudden they've kind of right shifted their focus somewhere else yeah no i think you're right i think it could go either way you could just be envious that they're having experience and you're not or you could be jealous that hey if this couple that i you know that we have had regularly had engaged with well if they like this other couple a lot you know they they might not spend as much time with us and that's jealousy to me right yeah it's not it's not i'm not envious of the thing that they're experiencing i'm i'm jealous and afraid i have insecurities and fear that i'm going to lose them because of this other person or other couple yeah yeah so i think it's a lot of the same lines all right so that wraps up jealousy that's all i had on my chart um is there anything else you wanted to talk about in in the realms of of jealousy um i think that's it i'm really not as bad as we made me out to be yeah i feel like you could be a lot on these when we did the unicorn one because i'm just honest i mean like i just am who i you know i just i i guess because it's our voice so we can you know i i don't try to sugarcoat it right i do struggle with jealousy i'm not i like that though because there are other you know podcasts and other tiktokers you know people that just try to glamorize something in every realm of life yeah you're gonna have this people want to glamorize it and not give an honest like the good the bad the ugly i i feel like we try to do a good mix of all like my jealousy is not to the point where we it's a problem and we can't swing like we openly communicate about it i mean we we have joked and played around but in all seriousness um we you do hear me out whenever i have problems and we do try to work through them and adjust um but yeah and i appreciate you for that well i appreciate you for trying to make me jealous all right anything else on jealousy i think that's it all right you want to recap uh trapeze real quick yeah so let's talk a little bit uh what when was this two weekends ago at this point yeah yeah so today's what it's a week and a half ago yeah today's the fifth of august so we were recently at uh trapeze in for Dallas's, which is Mrs.
Crackin' Beard on TikTok, birthday party. We were not supposed to attend this birthday party. We were not. My son plays travel ball, and he had a tournament the same day.
so we originally said we could not go um but the week leading up i found out that that the tournament was only actually two hours from atlanta and we so a couple a couple things one obviously we wanted to be there to support her birthday 100 two all of our friends had never been to trapeze atlanta before and i really wanted to be a part i felt some major foma yeah fear of missing out right yeah and then also i we have a diamond club membership and we've been once right this year so we honestly we really need to go more than we have been just i don't think we need to i mean i think you want to it'd be nice to but no well i mean in order to make our diamond club purchase yeah i don't know if that's gonna happen uh beneficial yeah cost wise we really should go more often that's what i meant but so the plan was to not go and then once i realized that like we could pull this off in true lacy fashion i was like we should go yeah and dan and true dan fashion was the uh the practical one that was essentially saying like lacy we're gonna drive eight hours to be there for three hours you realize that right yeah yeah and that's what happened so we we did we were able to go we didn't get there till late it was what almost 11 o'clock at night yeah it was like 10 30 you were grouchy you were grouchy let's be honest yeah yeah you were grouchy well it wasn't that so dallas i 100 wanted to attend your birthday party 100 i was dedicated to attending you were just frustrated because it was late we were all day we had been in the baseball field i was sunburned my face looked like a dang raccoon and then we drove four hours one way to get there no two oh well but and there was a time you're not counting the drive to the ballpark and i forgot about the time change so that was it was you were just frustrated i get it i was kind of frustrated too but we were kind of in that situation where you were frustrated so i had to be like the happy one that's like we're gonna do this and it's gonna be fine and great everything's great everything's everything's wonderful we're having this is a good time we're going it's fine um so yeah so we got there we literally checked into our hotel dropped our bags oh my gosh it was a mad dash um this is what lacy does to me yeah just like we talked about at the friction party we do this every time we had literally been sitting outside for like eight hours we had tennis shoes and hoodies on because it was so cold we threw them put on our dresses or dresses.
Or I meant dresses. You did not have a dress on. I did. I wore a dress. It was good. I did my makeup in the car. I mean, we completely like within like 20 minutes or so. And we win. Right. Now, I will say once we got there, I had a few shots of fireball.
Not lacy shots of fireball, but, you know, relaxed it was it was happy that we got to show up and support dallas for her birthday yeah it was nice a lot of people from discord were there a lot of our influencers that we haven't met yet uh were there but it was so crazy that i honestly i don't even know who all i met right like especially the discord people because i i'm not on discord a ton it's not i don't even know who I'll have met. Right.
Especially the Discord people because I'm not on Discord a ton. It's not – I don't really – I guess I don't interact with them, so it's hard for me to put a face. Their faces are just little tiny. Yeah, that's what I was trying to do with my hand. I saw you doing it, yeah. Yeah, it's hard for me to know who is who. So I do wish – so when we got there, I felt like the place was so crowded.
But I think it was because – because a couple of people said that it was just like the average Saturday night. Right. But I guess maybe because normally you get there and there's like nobody there and it slowly fills up. Right. Maybe that's why I felt that way. I don't know. But – The dance floor seemed extra crowded to me. It did to me too. The rest of the club didn't seem – like the Diamond Club seemed actually emptier than I've seen it previous Saturdays.
But the dance floor seemed extra crowded for whatever reason.
to me it did to me too the rest of the club didn't seem like the diamond club seemed actually emptier than yeah i've seen it previous saturdays but the the dance floor seemed extra crowded for whatever it did to me too yeah there's also a lot of hot people there yeah like a like amazing you know like i'm almost wondering if all of those people are swingers because like some of the girls just like they were in there dancing and having fun yeah have you ever wondered that too yeah too? Yeah.
I have been curious if some of these clubs. Well, we know like Secrets has, you know, entertainment. I have wondered if places like Trapeze or other places. I guess we can ask Liz at some point. If they hire a few girls just to go dance. No, I don't get that. I just wonder if like a group of girls or like a couple's, you know, like maybe they don't want to go to the playroom, but like they're just going to dance and drinking.
Strippers from across the street got off work and came over and just to dance. Maybe. Maybe. They were beautiful, let's just say that. There was a lot of gorgeous girls there, yeah. But, yeah, we did meet several people. Like you said, I don't think I can recall everybody that we met, but that was not. It made me really look forward to our event in April. Yeah. Or this month, the 23rd of April. Yeah.
So if you don't know, if you haven't heard yet month the 23rd of april yeah so if you don't know if you haven't heard yet on the 23rd of april um the swinger society which is all the uh swing talk influencers that are on discord and part of our group are going to do a takeover of uh trapeze atlanta and so if you're interested in that and you're hearing this podcast come out to trapeze atlanta april 23rd um just show up and you will see me and lacy and in most of the faces that you are familiar with on tiktok yeah i'm excited i'm excited because we're gonna it's gonna be a whole weekend uh we're gonna be in the hotel with them all we're gonna be in the hotel with our vips i think it's gonna be a little chiller than than what it was that last weekend yeah i'm pretty excited about that um Thank you.
vips i think it's going to be a little chiller than what it was that last weekend yeah i'm pretty excited about that um i um just to kind of go back to trapeze though um we stayed till like 4 a.m it was four by the time i got back to the hotel but yeah yeah i mean we shut it down it was a good It was a good night. I had fun. A lot of the group left and went back to their Airbnbs and hotels and stuff, so it ended up being like a pretty small crowd there at the end. But I had a really good time.
We did have to get up at the crack of dawn and drive back. And then you had to drive. Back. So you were a little mad at me the next morning, too. Was I don't know that's kind of what we do i don't think i see i mean when we say mad like dan and i are so passionate right like we have are passionate in our love making we passionate when we fight we just that's who we are that's I agree. Yeah. But all in all, it was a good weekend. Yeah, it was a great weekend. I am excited to go back. Yeah.
Trapeze, I mean, I don't know. I've never had a bad weekend at Trapeze. No, it's one of our favorite clubs. It is our favorite club. I shouldn't say one of ours. It is. It's our favorite club. Yeah. So we get to go back.
We get to go back in April, and then we get to go back again in may so there's going to be a lot a lot of uh trapeze experiences here in the next couple months yeah i'm and i'm happy let's let's use that diamond club membership yeah let's get it let's get our money's worth yeah uh so what else babe what else you got anything about uh about about trapeze or the upcoming events or jealousy as a whole? Swingerssociety.net is growing. If you don't know, we launched a website, Swingerssociety.net.
It is growing fast. I think a dozen or more people joining a day. We have events coming up almost monthly throughout the rest of the year.
So, if you want to come come out you want to party with me and lacy and the rest of the swinger society crew go to swingersociety.net get signed up for an event and come out and we'd love to see you we look forward to meeting everybody um if you're not on discord get on discord join the facebook group um come hang out the community is growing at a rapid rapid pace which is exciting to see yeah all right anything else babe that's it all right guys i think with that in a world full of apples be the pineapple be the pineapple guys bye bye if you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us leave a five-star review wherever you're.
If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
