We don't want to make the wrong first impression again please help.

Thank you for the suggestion Ms U

My suggestion is regarding your tagline. You currently state “seeking friends” perhaps alter it to specifically state “seeking female playmates/fwb only”.

People scrolling down to see “who is online” only see your default picture, some stats and the tagline (no profile details) and often email from that page without viewing your profile content.

Ms U

I think the pictures you have now work.

I’ve often said never to take a picture with a gun or a fish. I’m up in the air about the bow and arrow.

Back when I was single, I would avoid men online who had dating pictures of them holding guns. I don’t think a bow is exactly the same- but it’s close enough. Bows like that mean hunting. That means he has killed things. That means he could kill me.

The pictures is ok, but maybe a different one?

Hi Sadie. You don't necessarily come off as masculine - remember that I mentioned your sweetness - but your profile does. The very specific list of physical traits, the top end age range only two years above his, the focus on how you sex, your profile default photo, none of those things are likely to be particularly inviting for women. As a consequence, it sounds like it was written by a man. If that makes sense.

I think if you just say you're looking for single women and women playing alone with permission, plus a short sentence in Additional comments saying she isn't interested in playing with men (phrase it as positively as you can), you'll be fine. You still might get emails from couples, but that's just because a lot of people don't really read for information when they're looking to hook up.

I don't know that I'd classify your profile as sounding masculine but it is more matter-of-fact than most women's writing and then your husband fine tuning it probably doesn't help the issue. Our profile was originally written by Phoebert and then underwent several major rewrites by me to get it looking good (at least I think it's good - haven't come back for a review lately) but one of my iterations was practically bullet points in the Description section! A friend suggested that wasn't a good look for a profile - LOL.

I also wanted to remind you that sometimes it is easier to copy all the text into a word processor and make your revisions then copy each section back to SLS - you can make several small tweaks over a longer period of time (plus better spell check and grammar check usually) and not worry about waiting for approval between each change. Once you get an approval go back in and set the want drinkers/want smokers the way you want them - most people do not really want only smokers and drinkers but that is the default after every change & approval. If you only change the smoker/drinker preferences then approval is not necessary and they stay the way you set them.

Revisions in progress ladies and thanks for the feedback.

It's really interesting that I come off as very masculine. I, Sadie, have written most of this. However, he is better with words than I am. So he reads and revises for me, then we re-read together before we post. Also, probably has something to do with the fact that I was a tom-boy growing up and had more male than female friends. I'm much more into being a pretty/sexy lady now than I ever was growing up...even in my teen years LOL.

The bisexual interests for me have only been allowed free reign for the past few years. I was raised in the Mid-West, which, as I'm sure you know, is not near as tolerant for alternative lifestyles and the pull to women has never been strong enough to give up my man. Elias noticed me checking out women too and brought it up.

We've been married for nearly two decades and are very secure in our bonds to each other. Since we first discussed it, the desire and ability to pursue women has been opened up. I mean what man wouldn't want to have his lady enjoy another. Bonus if she's into us both. It's my preference not his to not involve other men.

So wives that play alone would be acceptable, so long as she understands that her husband playing with us is not an option. I know that is maybe a little off putting to some, but I've had issues with men that I thought I could trust, breaking that trust in a very aggressive way. It took me some time to fully let Elias in.

I figured if I gave a little background, maybe that would shed some light on where I'm coming from. Thanks again for your help! ~Sadie

I don't have much new to add but will reinforce the message that your Description section should not duplicate information in the Statistics section (too easy for the information to get out of synch) and should talk very little about sex and playing. Tell us all the things that would make us want to be your friends and join you in this grand adventure.

I also agree with the picture advice - your Public gallery should be mostly G-rated. Velma's system will give you good core pictures The pictures of you showing your ass would be fine if you were looking for guys but I don't think will help in a search for ladies. You can have risque or intimate pictures in Private galleries - open them when you first email someone. I like galleries to have a title that hints at what is inside - "nudes", "playing", "risque" or similar - wish single guys would do that rather than mix their one face pic in with a dozen dick pics!

Good luck & have fun!

~Phoebert's Wife

Whew. Thank you! Let's see if we can get some of that sweetness into your profile, because it isn't really there now. Also, I'm not going to be any less blunt this time, but I hope to hell I come off as less rude.

Okay, so, in Looking For, you're taking the cheeseburger your way approach. It's not unusual, I've been complaining about it since I first realized it was a phenomenon in 2003. Would you like all the things on your list (lettuce, tomato, hold the mayo)? Sure. Well, maybe. Maybe the tomato is less important than finding someone with whom you have great chemistry, even if she's 56 and weighs 198 pounds. The thing is that being so specific pretty much ensures that single women, who have nearly limitless opportunities to connect with compatible, easy going, fun couples are going to look at your detailed requirements and move on to those other couples, because we aren't actually cheeseburgers and have no interest in being ordered up your way.

If instead you focus a little more on the qualities you're looking for - fun, compatibility, comfort with g/g play only, occasional (or constant) interest in FMF, whatever - and then on what you want to do once you find those qualities (in this case fwbs), I think that would be a much better start.

If you're wondering how in hell you then find what you want, you do what the rest of us do, which is pursue people for whom you feel some initial attraction. My parameters are wide in some areas, vanishingly narrow in others. We like what we like, but yours probably are rather more flexible than you're currently demonstrating. I would also suggest leaving your toggles slightly open to couples, since women playing separately are more numerous on line than single women.

In Description, you needn't duplicate anything that is better done with your stats, toggles and photos. And as counter-intuitive as it might seem, I have zero interest in how you sex unless or until we're having sex. Sex is the least interesting thing you have to offer and it's something I can get pretty much any time I want, just by going to a local bar or convention hotel or calling a friend. Instead, focus on what is unique about you, specifically as a couple and then secondarily as individuals. Who are you? What do you like to do? What is interesting about you? Tell me that. Sex is the result of a connection and it's details about you that make the connection.

Additional comments is not quite a wasteland, but it's choppy, like someone scrambled to take notes during a meeting and then just dumped it into the profile. Trim this down significantly, say something interesting and end on a high note. Also, NSA doesn't mean the thing you've used it for. I think you might mean a no expectations meeting.

Unlike Velma, I think you're in this together, but there definitely is an air of trading up or at least trading laterally that reads as very masculine. Eliminating that will definitely improve your chances with women. So will having her give more input into the next revision.

Good luck and feel free to ask any clarifying questions you might have.

Other than that, Velma's pretty much spot on about why women come to swinging as singles. I'm the freaky kind. Also, she didn't have blue hair, but she really was cute. ;-)

So here's your real problem and pictures aren't going to fix it: from my perspective, this profile was totally written by the man. It "smells" like your wife once suggested FF play or a threesome when she was drunk on Riesling at a wedding and you hopped up on the internet and tried to find another girl the way you order a package on Amazon. Maybe this isn't true, but it smells like it.

I've got news for you. I never had trouble doing gay shit. If I wanted to go out tonight and do a little girl homo, I figure I would have about a 1 in 4 chance. Here his how I would do it:

#1. Go to the Willard Hotel at F and 15th.

#2. Find a married woman who is at the bar alone.

#3. Have a few drinks with her and talk about all of those silly boys.

#4. Trib the shit out of her in her room.

WOMEN HAVE NO PROBLEM FINDING OTHER WOMEN.

Now here's what's funny: I'm not really bisexual. Girls are just a fun distraction, they are low consequence and rarely have an agenda. I don't necessarily feel "desire" for a girl - it's more of a "this could be fun" kind of vibe, girls can be good kissers and again, there is a lack of agenda. It's just pure pleasure. But then again, I once dated a man for a week just so I could hump the corner of his bathroom sink... but that's another story.

Anyway, here's why I say this. I'm as straight as they come, and even I could figure out how to fuck a woman tonight. If your wife really wanted to do gay shit for her own edification, she would have no trouble figuring out how. In fact, if she really wanted it, she would have her own single female profile on here. But she doesn't. So, again, this "smells" like you have a guy who is trying to organize a threesome.

There is nothing more pathetic than a guy trying to organize a threesome. Women can smell desperation the way a pig smells truffles. The fact that you have your profile closed to couples also doesn't help your case. It smacks of selfishness. Like... you want a threesome for you, but you aren't willing to share your wife. The whole thing makes me wonder if she even knows this profile is online.

Now let's talk about motivation. Why do "unicorns" exist? Well, there are basically two kinds. There are the girls who were introduced to the LS by a boyfriend or husband, they liked it, they broke up with the guy, and now they are dating again, but they still want the freedom to explore. Then there is the girl who has fantasies and desires that go beyond traditional norms - they want multiple men or they want try bisexual sex with a girl but don't want a blue-haired barista with a nose ring and hairy armpits. Those two types of girls can have pretty much anyone they want.

So why would they chose you? What is your value proposition? What are you bringing to the table that other couples can't? Do you have a vacation home? A boat? Do you travel? Maybe think about the value you can offer a unicorn and put that in your profile. The scary part about being a unicorn is that you never know if another couple wants to use you as a human vibrator. Also take into account that you are going to be nude in a room with two people you don't know - one of whom can kill you without much effort. I fucked literally hundreds of guys over the past 20 years when I was single. The fact that I didn't end up like Chandra Levy means that we really need a statistician to check out DC because the law of averages is not working on the corner of F and 15th.

Think about your value proposition and alter your profile accordingly.

Ok, to start... I opened up a section in my private gallery to show you the kinds of pictures you should have. Your pictures aren't that bad, but need some adjusting.

I often say that you need 5 pictures using the DEBauCH method. a DATE pic to show what you would look like on a date, an EVENT pic, to show you have a life, a BEACH pic to tastefully how both bodies, a pic of the CHICK and a pic of HIM.

You have the date pic covered. Work on an EVENT pic. Go indoor rock climbing, go to a ball game or do a 5K race. Then get a pic at the BEACH, or a hotel pool. Just eat the cost of a room, go to the hotel pool, and have someone take a few pics. Get two separate pics of the girl and the guy dressed well.

Regarding your private pics, back off the nudes, asses, garters and heels. I've had sex with... I don't know... 20...30 women maybe and I've never once worn garters for another woman. This is what men like. You know what I want to see when I look at a woman? I want to see if she has a manicure. If she has a manicure, odds are the rest of her kept neat as well.

Now that I'm done your pic review, I'm going to talk about your profile text.

Thank you MsMolly very much for the honest feedback. No offense was taken and we appreciate the constructive criticism.

Done Velma. Thanks!

Okay, so, I'm going to do and say some fairly hateful things. Rest assured, I'm not saying them to be mean and, fun fact, knowing more or less what I'm going to type is making me a bit sick to my stomach. So, let me just get it over with first and then get to the other details in your profile that could use improvement.

So, hateful thing number one: "She should be in relatively good shape." I'm also 5'2" and at 138 pounds, about 10 pounds overweight. It would be more, but I have a lot more muscle than most women with my frame. Your she half weighs 50 pounds more than that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and I think she has a beautiful body, but the combination is going to make women's heads snap and not in a pleasant way.

Number two: She is 45 and he is 48 and your age toggles are set at 15 years younger than her and two years older than him. Yet another head snap and this one is going to lose you almost every woman 40 and over.

Number three: Women have their own asses and I absolutely promise that showing us yours is not a thrill. Photos of the two of you clothed and looking like you're interested In one another are far more interesting and much more likely to seal the deal. Also, it's unlikely that many women will take you up on the offer of "more intimate pics" and my oh hell no response probably would be echoed by 40% or more.

Okay, I need some time before I get to more general impressions of your profile. I'm sorry for the apparent hatefulness, but you say you value honesty and none of this can be conveyed diplomatically, at least not by me.

That no interest-still viewable doesn’t work. Put couples down as maybe.

Since you seem to be the resident photo expert, we opened our private to you also.

I checked settings and block couples is not checked. Any suggestions? Do we need to change that selection to something other than "No interest (profile still viewable)"

I’d love to help you, but your profile isn’t open to couples.

Open it up to couples and I can help.

It was very kindly brought to our attention by one of the fine ladies we messaged that our profile was giving the wrong first impression (can't thank her enough for being so nice to respectfully let us know her thoughts.) We've revised it some and it's updated but still feel it could use some fine tuning. We would love any honest feedback or tips you all may have. Thank you in advance!