Updated profile

Thank you Kira. Good looking out. Have an awesome day.

Yes, much more clear! :) I just didn’t want you to lose out on making some great sexy connections!!

Good luck and have fun out there!!
Kira

Thank you for the tip. I've made the adjustment. What do you think?

Yeah, nice catch. I never thought of that, because his toggles are right. If he included "in MFMs" that would take care of any lack of clarity in the verbiage.

Kira - I read "couples open to sharing your hot wife" as sharing with the husband but based on your interpretation it might be best if he clarifies that if he means sharing with the husband (MFM) or playing with the wife alone.

I, Kira, do like your profile and pics, but..... we’d never contact you or be interested, since in your “ Looking For”, you only want to play 1:1 with a woman. And since I don’t play as a hot wife (only together with Luke), we’d assume a MFM wouldn’t interest you. Of course, if this is all that you seek, by all means, stay true to that. It’s just confusing that you say you’ve experienced MFM, yet you aren’t also looking for that- is that correct? If so, your available pool of potential play partners will be much smaller.

Sweet, Thank you Goodgollymrsmolly. You're feedback really helped and I definitely feel more confident about it. I appreciate it. Have a great day. :)

Hi. I really like it. You need to add an extra line break between paragraphs in one or two of your sections (depending on the look you're going for) to increase readability, but I think your profile is terrific. You sound interesting and approachable and worth contacting. Really nice job!

Cool thank you. I'll work on spacing and what not. I appreciate your help with feedback.

Content looks good to me - you've incorporated advice while keeping your own phrasing & style.

I'm going to guess you're composing on your phone with a small screen as you still have spacing issues (usually near commas and parentheses). Readability would improve with extra lines between paragraphs (you need to hit enter four times after the first paragraph and twice after all subsequent paragraphs to get one blank line between paragraphs - SLS is quirky).

Good luck and have fun!

Thank you for the suggestions. I've made a few changes. Overall, I'm getting more views which is cool so thank you. Would you mind taking another look?

It looks like you've already applied some of MsMolly's most recent advice but your text is disjointed and awkward - it might be from deleting some lines. And you need to add more extra lines than expected to get a blank line between the first two paragraphs in each section.

Try reorganizing your text a bit so that is flows in a logical manner and then break it up into paragraphs when appropriate. Read it out loud to find odd phrasing and incorrect words - it sounds silly but it works. Looking For needs that first sentence to stand alone. You shouldn't really use the "drug & disease free" phrase if you also want to say that you are 420 friendly. Maybe "marijuana friendly but otherwise drug free" and "recently tested and disease free" would be reasonable alternatives. I think "couples both together as couple and separate with wife alone" means MFM threesome and hotwife on a hallpass but it makes my brain hurt trying to decipher it. If you keep the line about availability then add single before parent (I'm making a rash assumption) and either spell out or abbreviate both days involved.

Good luck!

Your pics are nice, I wouldn’t mind seeing one with a bare chest.

The overall feel of your profile is very respectful.

On the other hand, nothing really stands out about you or grabs my interest making me want to contact you or take that next step.

Just some initial thoughts, for what they’re worth.

Tink

Lose the last line,
“I am a parent so I'm usually never available Wed,Thursday and some weekends.”

Yeah, sorry, I'm not that funny.

Uh. I mean this iteration of your profile is way better in that it has character and charm, but Looking For makes me want to smack your head a little. I'll get over it though if you will just please add line breaks in between your paragraphs. And fix the weirder stuff. Do both. It's uncomfortable wanting to smack strangers in the head.

Lose "...and see where it goes." If you do, then it sounds funny and cute. If you don't, it's serious and you sound lazy. At least leave open the possibility that you have enough game to do your own hunting.

Lose "I'm open for a...drink" in its entirety. Why state the obvious? If you're not open to those things, you wouldn't be on the site.

"Open minded to the lifestyle" is really awkward syntax, plus it doesn't say what you mean and it also is a head scratcher in that if they're on this site, they're open. Are you open to a relationship with someone where you could continue swinging as a couple? Say that.

There's no question mark needed in the sentence that starts "Couples..."

Lose the second "just" in the Oscars line and the "like" in the subsequent sentence.

In Fantasies, "couples both together and separate" makes no sense, particularly in conjunction with your no bi play phrase. Also, you have a dangling bit of punctuation in front of "Most."

Additional comments - add single to the parent line to make it clear you're not cheating.

Other than that, upping your lower range to keep your top end at 45 was not what I meant. Would you really turn down a super hot 46 year old? If not, then fix that, because you won't get a chance the way you've written things. If your age range reflects what you'd want in a relationship, great, but the majority of your contacts will be with people who might want to fuck you but not have breakfast with you the next morning. So you might think about that in setting your ranges.

Good luck.

Ooohhh, you're right.

Actually it was Velma that didn't like your unicornhunter profile name not MsMolly.

Thank you again for the tips. I have had more attention mostly views but I did get one message. Goodgollymolly, you did see my profile before. You said my username made you want to throw up in your mouth a little. I thought it was hilarious and changed immediately. I've made more adjustments from your last recommendation. What do you think. Thank you both for your help. You're pretty awesome!

Hi. I didn't see your earlier profile, which means I should probably preface what I have to say by explaining I'm not mean for the sake of meanness. I just want you to get rid of the junk in your profile that will get between you and what you're looking for. And I'm blunt, because it's much more effective than softer language in getting people to make changes.

Right now, what you have is okay. It's a little sloppy, not very interesting in spots, and misses a couple of opportunities to engage others, but it's okay. If you want better than that, you'll need to do some work, starting by using something that isn't a phone for revisions.

Your photos are kind of a mixed bag. The stiff one of you dressed up can go, but the other two are fun.

Your age range, 15 years younger than you to seven years older, will make women 35 and over roll their eyes. Plus, since the largest demographic slice in swinging is apparently 35-55, you've cut your potential pool in half. Straighten out your range and just do what others do, which is decide on attraction on a case by case basis.

Looking For is your second most notable missed opportunity. This is where you have the chance for couples and women to see themselves and say, oh, hey, that sounds like me (or, hey, he sounds fun). But no. You haven't even managed complete sentences. Do you have no interest in these people? Because that's what it looks like. So, what kind of couples and women are you looking for? Are you looking for a particular configuration like MFM? And then comes the part about what you want to do, which you sort of have, but it's not likely to engage anyone's interest. Also, "no strings" does not mean "no friendship is possible," so that would benefit from a change in wording.

I like parts of Description, but could definitely do without the unframed poster style philosophizing about luck. And the lol. This is like a resume for a job you want, so it's at least semi-formal. Also, not putting extra line breaks in between paragraphs makes for wall o' text and that's not very polite, plus if you're 420 friendly, you're not drug free, so you are going to have to spell out what you are instead of using the shortcut.

In Fantasies, you could improve things by removing the "maybe" and the "and..." and putting in a line break.

Additional comments is your last chance to make a good impression. Don't waste it or indicate by leaving it blank that you're uninterested in finishing things. If you can't think of what to put here on your own, go read some forum posters' profiles and see if there's something you can repurpose.

Other than that, good luck and maybe make some changes and come back for a review.

Pictures look much better - but I'd get rid of the first one. It is really dark (so dark I can barely make out faces) and you haven't obscured the face of the other person. I think that once it is approved your default picture (Dodgers) will replace the blue gumby as your profile thumbnail - but the snowman picture as your default might get you more attention.

Your text is better but you still have the spacing problems - in many places you're missing a space between words. And Description would be much easier to read if you add an extra line between the paragraphs. In Fantasies you need an extra line between your fantasy and experiences and if you meant to use an ellipse it is three periods rather than two.

Hopefully MsMolly will pop by with advice about how to improve your text - I haven't had enough sleep in the past three days for my brain to work well. But even I can tell that Looking For needs some help and you shouldn't leave Additional Comments blank.

Good luck!

~Phoebert's Wife

Hi,
I have taken the advise and have changed the profile a bit. Would you mind taking another look?
I appreciate the feedback.
Thank you. :)