Thanks again Molly and Phoebe for the edit recommendations. As I stated in my response last night, SLS lost my first profile redo, so I had to rewrite it, by the time I finished I was too tired to proofread. Also, I learned a lesson to write the profile on a word doc and copy and paste until SLS actually approves the profile.
Wow - well done! How far outside the Beltway do you travel? I'm guessing NE Alabama is a bit far (and we aren't traveling anymore, dammit). ;-)
You might want to copy your text into a word processor and run spell check and grammar check on it after you read it out loud - there are some odd phrasings, at least one spelling error and several spacing/punctuation issues that lead me to believe that you made some final quick edits on your phone.
You should do well if your new pictures are of similar quality to the new text.
Have fun!
Hi. You've done a good job. I now get a decent sense of you as a person, which is pretty much the desired outcome. You just need new photos and then I think you're good to go. Well, and fix the things I've noted below:
Really, nice job. Get some photos and I think you're good. Maybe stick back in one of your torso photos, but only for the few days you need to address the picture issue.
Good luck!
Thanks to everyone for their constructive criticism. I have updated the sections on my profile (twice because SLS servers timed out and didn't save the first one when I hit submit) and will work on the pictures another night (hopefully tomorrow). For those that inquired about the initial headline, this past week up until Sunday I was in Chicago, I took that headline down today when I logged back on SLS. If anyone wants to submit additional criticism to my updated profile feel free to do so. I hate talking about myself so writing self profiles is always a difficult task to accomplish.
MsMolly gave you the full disclaimer - just remember this is all about your profile, not you personally.
If you've read very many profile reviews you'll know that few of us like selfies - especially bathroom selfies. And your only non-selfie is so dark and busy that I'm having trouble seeing you clearly. So I'm going agree with MsMolly & Velma's advice about deleting your current pictures and get a few new ones. Velma's system for core pictures will get you started and a half dozen or so recent photos are enough for your public gallery.
You want to your tag line to entice people to read your profile - your current tag line makes me wonder how long it has been since you updated it and if you enjoyed Chicago. I might not read your profile to see the info that indicates exactly when you'll be there.
In Looking For you may want to add whether you are open to one-time encounters or would prefer on-going FWB relationships. And I think your location information should be moved to Description. You can omit all the information in Description that is covered by your stats (it's too easy for things to get out of synch - like your weight) or that will show in your pictures. If you can expand on the activities that you enjoy it would be good - do you enjoy anything indoors? Fantasies doesn't really say much - you don't need details but you might mention things you've enjoyed in the past or want to try in the future.
Add a bit to each section (especially that blank Additional Comments section) so that we have a better idea of who you are and get someone to take some picture. Let us know if you want more advice after you make some changes.
Good luck!
~Phoebert's Wife
I hate doing this when I have a race date posted, but I unblocked single males and opened a private gallery for you so you can see the kind of pictures you should have.
I think you are an attractive guy. Honestly, you would clean up on Tinder. Why on earth are you here where the odds are totally against you?
But anyway, get rid of all the selfies. It makes me think you have no friends.
You need 3 core pictures- a picture of you dressed nice like how you would look if I met you on a date. You need a picture of you doing something fun - running a race, at a Nationals game. Then you need a picture of yourself at the beach.
All of these pictures need to be full body and taken by somebody else. Hope this helps.
Hi. I hope you read some of the other threads so that the bluntness you might receive here doesn't come as a surprise. It's not meant to be mean, I promise, but it can feel really harsh. I think many of us use this as an opportunity to nitpick as a way to preemptively address every objection that might meet your profile, get you to see the issue clearly and then either fix it or decides it suits you, all in order to get you laid. So, disclaimer out of the way, here we go.
So, first, I hate your photos. I don't care how nice your body is, I don't want to see it in selfies. And there has to be some reason for partial nudity other than "hey, here's my hot abs in the bathroom mirror." If you get lucky and Velma shows up, she might give you her specific pointers. Me, I want to see smiling people dressed in clothes that fit in photos taken by others. Show your stuff at a beach, pool, or running event.
As far as your long absence, you don't address it and that allows others to make their own story about why it's been so many years since your last cert. One of my red flags is single men who leave swinging for a relationship, only to come back when the relationship ends. I can explain why, but only if you ask. So, that's the story I'd insert right before saying thanks but no thanks.
In terms of your profile text, it isn't terrible but it isn't terribly inviting either. It would help if you avoided repetition. For instance, you've used "looking" four times in the same paragraph. Open minded shows up twice. I think there was one other instance, but maybe not. So, open up your language some and really work on being clear without hitting the same beats repeatedly. Unless you're a poet. They do that shit all the time and it works. The rest of us can't.
So, basically Looking For has the elements you might want but needs to be rewritten. Also, say something about what you want from those couples and women (please, not "females," as it's grammatically incorrect).
In Description you can eliminate the first sentence. That information is already in your stats and your photos. You also are missing a word in the last sentence. What's in between is fine, but it won't light a fire anywhere. Can you go a little deeper and get a little more authentic while still keeping the information about the things you like to do?
Fantasies is a little sparse for someone with a 12 year old profile. Don't be graphic, but do say something about those fantasies and maybe give a little less detail about the lack of experience relative to your tenure here.
Additional comments is a chance to charm and end on a high note. You're currently wasting it. Perhaps this is where you can explain your absence, say whether you can host, whatever. Go perv the profiles of forum posters and see how they've handled it.
Other than that, only proper nouns and the initial word get capitalized in your tagline. Which isn't particularly interesting since it doesn't invite people to look. Maybe come up with something else and just change your location and use that first sentence in Looking For to give an explanation.
Good luck. I hope you collect opinions, make some changes, and then come back for a review.
I'm pretty sure some will say the dreaded bathroom selfie has to go in lieu of someone taking a picture of you.
As for the text, what you have looked OK to me but you have a missed oportunity by leaving the last section blank. Perhaps check out some other profiles for ideas for this section.
I have been out of the LS for a bit and I am looking to get back in. I appreciate any help that will improve my profile and help me get back into the “swing” of things (pun intended).
