Profile and introduction help

Hi,
I want to know how I can make my profile stand out and how I can better introduce myself to profiles, like using the messaging . Any help is appreciated :)

I'm not sure anyone has addressed the second part of your request - how to introduce yourself using SLS messaging.

Once you've made a search and identified profiles that appeal to you, you must first read their entire profile and see if you meet their needs. Don't just look at their location and photos and shoot off a generic message. After determining that y'all might meet each other's needs then you need to send a short message indicating that you'd like to get to know them. Try to reference something in their profile that y'all have in common or something unique to them that intrigues you - people often comment on our RV trip around the US or Phoebert's photography.

Don't get upset about not receiving a response - many people on SLS ignore messages if they are not interested. A response rate of 10-20% is outstanding - and some variation on "thanks, but no thanks" will be the bulk of those few responses. Making contact online is much more difficult than if you go to a club, party or meet-n-greet.

Hi - I didn't comment when you first posted because I just couldn't wrap my head around much of your profile. Now you've gone a bit too far in the other direction - it's so generic that it's hard to find you.

You need to smile more in your photos - your whole face lights up! Delete the suit photo - the neutral, resting expression is not appealing.

Answer the question implied in each section header - but a short conversational paragraph is friendlier than a list of sentences. Are you looking for outgoing party-lovers for one-time, NSA encounters or outdoorsy hikers for an on-going, FWB arrangement. Where do you like to hike or what computer games do you play? Do you read mysteries, psychological thrillers or sci-fi? Are you looking for MFM with a couple or would you like to take a hotwife out dancing?

Don't repeat information that is in your stats (height & weight) or is evident in your pictures (physical appearance or build) - use your profile text to show off your personality and let the stats section and photo galleries do their job.

A well written profile often takes several iterations - you may want to come back for more advice after your next revision.

Good luck, have fun and stay safe!

~Phoebert's Wife

Hi. I knew I'd forgotten something. Your changes have been approved (and you have new photos) and I have new things to say.

First, on your photos, I totally sympathize, but even if you have to take a lot of photos to get a few you like, it's worth the effort. In the meantime, just delete the one of you in a suit, because it's doing you no favors. Velma gives good advice on photos (it's on the sticky for the main page) and having a photo of you in a suit would be great, but you with a smile in clothes that fit is even better.

As far as taglines, you're still missing the point, which is that you don't want to be broadly informative in them. They're for teasers that make people open your profile and give themselves a chance to get to know you better. Even a note that you're fully vaccinated is better than what you have, which tells me everything I'd need to say yes or no without opening your profile.

In Looking For, you're still making it about you. Yes, it's important to note that you're looking for women and couples, but then what? Are you looking for ongoing? What are you for in those women and couples? Are you sensitive to ethnicity, age, whatever? Fill this section out in a way that people can maybe see themselves in the description and move the part about being passionate, etc., down to Fantasies or Additional comments. (Go read a few profiles to see how others handle this section.)

Description doesn't need you to iterate things that are already in your stats, like your height and weight. And actually that whole sentence is awkward, even if you pull that part out. You have to be a really good writer to pull off using the same word twice in one sentence and it works better in fiction anyway.

I hope HollyBlue's advice spurs you towards more time at the gym. Men join swinger sites thinking there are tons of sexually adventurous women thirsting for their talents, only to discover the odds are better in their neighborhood bar unless they stand out in some critical ways. Especially if you want to pursue dominance - and I think that's probably a better way to talk about it than the way you've chosen - it helps to look the part. It's also more effective than talking about having a regular Joe body (although that's kind of charming).

In Fantasies, the second sentence actually belongs in Looking For, slightly edited. Please find something less cliched than "in the bedroom," unless you're playing that game with fortune cookies.

In Additional comments, what do you mean when you say you're happy to help verify information?

As for the last paragraph, just no. Not sure why you think it would a) be effective, or, b) change your results in any way to nag people to respond to your messages. Because it won't be and you just look entitled. If you're lucky, less than 10% of respondents will reply and most of them will say no. And that's just the way it is. Instead, figure out how to leave notes on people's profiles (not sure if you're using the app or if it's a possibility on the app, but on the desktop version, each profile has those little icons and there's one for Notes. You can click it and write the date you contacted them and then you don't have to rely on others to do your work for you.

Your first profile had more personality than this one. It shared something that wouldn't have helped you, but it was unique. You might want to try and recapture some of that. Other than that, good luck!

Aside from repeating the good advice you have already been given... do put some work into your photographs. What are you going to dress like when you show up for a date? Start there and be sure to groom yourself well. A braying bovine needs to put forth a lot of effort to stand out from the crowd. It seems like you are genuinely a nice guy and that's what people will be looking for.

Guessing your family is from the NE?

From first glance, I am not sold on you being a dom or even dominant. You may just want to say that you are exploring lite bdsm and are wanting to learn more. Being a dom is actually a fairly complex arrangement and isn't meant to be done casually. Take some time on that end and wade into some other communities and learn more so you can discover yourself first.

Now, don't take this the wrong way: can you put some time in at the gym? It may be good for you take a month or two and work on putting in a solid foundation if you really are serious. You are in a super crowded field and you have to work hard to be successful. If you want to be included in someone's fantasy then you need to realize the ladies with a dad bod fantasy aren't too common. You don't have to be muscle bound. Just physically fit and look healthy. Now if you are 1000% happy with your state of being ignore this paragraph.

Don't feel like you need to rush to get all this done. Put in some time to revamp things and remember confidence is what make you photograph well. If you are in doubt about who you are it can be seen in your body language and it is written all over your face. Remember that doing this completely online will be quite frustrating for various reasons. Get yourself to parties or places to meet people face to face if you can. Good luck.

Hi there,

Thank you for taking the time to provide me with some generous feedback. I really do appreciate it. I am trying to get the changes in. It's a little time consuming as the changes have to be verified and it takes it's own time.

I unfortunately don't photograph well :-( which is why I am finding it hard to put pictures that can attract attention.

I hope you can check my profile in a couple of days time and see that it's better than before :). Thank you again for the help

Hi. I really hope you have read multiple threads and have a good idea about how blunt people can be in this section. Because otherwise pretty much everything I'm going to write is going to sound harsh. It's kindly meant though.

I mean, your profile stands out now, but in a way that it took me three days to want to tackle it. That's not good news.

That you've never had sex you haven't paid for makes everything you've said about sex suspect. These are people whose job it is to make you feel great, so when you say you like to please women in new ways or that you're very female-centric, my inside voice is saying you don't know what any of that means. And that you're likely terrible in bed. (None of those things might be true, but that's the instinctive response to what's in your profile now.)

So, my first suggestion is to just get rid of that information, both in your profile and in your personal narrative.

My second is to read the pinned post by Velma about photos and adapt it to your needs. Your only photo has an interesting background, but it's not a great picture; I think you can do better.

And in that vein, your profile name isn't as bad as the many variants on pussyslammer, but it's a bit of an eyebrow raiser, so I hope you have a good story to tell about why you picked it, should anyone ask.

So, taglines. First, you're apparently trying to create a market with yours instead of letting your appearance signal your ethnicity. It could work, but I'm from the Bay Area and unless things have changed, there are a lot of South Asians there, especially on the Peninsula. You might consider a short, clever tagline instead (and change it and your photos every six months or so).

In Looking For, instead of centering it around those couples and women you're looking for, you're focusing on yourself. Because it also impacts how to introduce yourself to people, I'm going to be really blunt here: your role as a single is to fulfill the fantasies of others, not your own. Women are not here for you; you are here for us. That's one of the reasons it's a tactical error to mention your use of paid professionals for sex: it's an indication that your whole approach to women and sex is skewed if your goal is be part of swinging.

So, instead of what you have, say what you're The looking for in a way that doesn't mention you, except in passing.

Description is okay-ish. The last sentence isn't useful, because it's about sex and that's not what this section is about. If women and couples aren't intrigued with you as a person, sex won't happen. So, put your vanilla self on display here. And fix your punctuation, please.

The first paragraph in Fantasies is okay. I've explained why the second isn't a good thing to share.

With Additional comments, you've displayed another misapprehension or two. Women rarely run couples profiles - so you'll be talking to husbands and boyfriends - and while couples do sometimes reach out to single guys, it's not a frequent occurrence. You'll need to do most of the hunting and it can be a frustrating experience. As far as cucking husbands, you're going to need to do some better signaling in your profile that you're capable of that, since it's not enough to say you want it.

Anyway, whatever you put here, end on a high note.

Good luck.

Hi

I just joined a day back and I want to know how I can make my profile stand out and how I can better introduce myself to profiles I like using the messaging .

Any help is appreciated