Please critique ny profile

"I tended to write like I chat where punctuation is less important than content."

Content is meaningless if your writing is difficult to read and your audience gives up. Your profile is really part resume and part advertisement - it should be as well-crafted as you can make it. In person there are visual and other non-verbal clues that you can pick up on to gauge interest. With a profile you have to be positive, polished and enticing - all with just your writing.

I'd delete the last bit In Looking For - it sounds like you are wanting a lady only so you can get into a club. You also have the same thought in Fantasies and it is expressed better there. The whining about single guys not being welcome is not appealing.

Nobody said this would be easy - good luck!

Hey I get it. I understand what you are saying and trying to improve my profile. You two are tough but I thank you for your advice. I was just saying how it felt and didn't realize how it came across in the profile til you pointed it out.

I don't know what to say. If you think that correcting your many typos is like a bad school assignment, then there isn't much point to this exercise. And, no, writing like you talk is not a good excuse.

This is your introduction to people and it's very much like a resume. If you can't be bothered to present a polished appearance and instead are insisting on attending the party in ripped sweats, it will not go well.

Mentioning twice that you're looking for a woman as a ticket to parties is also a poor strategy. Yes, you're allowed to have a fantasy, but the way you frame it, that woman might as well be a mannequin. Maybe do some thinking about how you could present the idea as something that would suit both of you.

Good luck.

Yes of course you can state your opinion. I know you are trying to help. Didn't mean to snark. thanks for your help.

You're allowed to do whatever you want.

You asked for opinions. You got ours. Are we not allowed an opinion?

I altered the age thing. The wanting to have a partner to go to clubs/party is a fantasy not a real demand or request . Am I not allowed to state a fantasy ?

You start the profile negative and lose me almost immediately. You want a woman to be your ticket to get into clubs. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Then you point out your age as a negative and tell us to ignore it. I was until you pointed it out.

You've got a nice smile.

thank you for your input. Yes I really needed an update. I tended to write like I chat where punctuation is less important than content. I felt like I was correcting a bad term paper rather than a personal ad but your points were right on. I will try to get full body pics when I can get someone to shoot me. thanks again G

I may be the kinder, gentler version of mean & blunt but I'm going to be mean. Just remember that it is about your profile, not you personally. We want you to see what you're doing that is keeping you from your desired result.

You don't seem to have understood my previous comment about your age preference range. Ideally your age should be near the center of your preference range and a wider range is better than a narrow one. When your range is so lop-sided it gives the impression that you think people your own age are too old to have sex with or that you're so special that all the young girls will want you. That may all be true. But don't say it out loud - it pisses off the ladies that are anywhere close to your age. If you move your upper age preference to 80 (or 99 if you want to attract MsMolly) you can still politely decline a meeting with someone aged 73 if you think they're too old for you. You just say "thanks but no thanks" and they really have no way of knowing why you declined.

Assuming I got past your lop-sided age preference, I'd rather quickly give up on trying to read your text (and actually did). All the missing apostrophes and poor spacing around punctuation have me wanting to reach through the computer and slap you. Put down your phone, sit down at a computer, take your time and actually proofread what you've written before submitting it as your profile update. Someone else will have to address your content since I have no faith that you are willing to pay attention to detail in anything you do. That is why spelling, grammar and punctuation are important - not because you've learned the rules but because you take pride in your work and and will do a good job. Slap-dash and sloppy do not win you playmates.

Thank you for deleting the blurry picture - now I'm not reaching to clean my glasses! I totally understand that better pictures take time so less is probably better for now. You should probably delete that last picture as well (I don't remember it from earlier - but I've been up since yesterday morning). The dark hoodie, funky glasses and serious expression feels threatening - you should be going for smiling, fun-loving and enticing.

Keep rewriting and coming back - as long as you make forward progress we're happy help!

Good luck!

~Phoebert's Wife

Ive redone the profile ,updated it.Will have to take some new photos... how does one caption photos or cant that be done. Thanks for the help

And if you are composing on you phone - don't. Find a computer with a word processor so you can run spell check and grammar check on your finished text to catch all the typos and punctuation errors.

Thanks for the great advice .. I will work on updating my profile .I dont have many current pictures will have to take some Thanks again

Yeah - not sure you should still be calling yourself new and looking for people to show you the ropes when you have a cert from seven years ago. So bringing your text to the current day should be your first order of business - and then make sure all your stats and preferences are correct. MsMolly has given you general guidelines for each section - try to emphasize vanilla interests and aspects of your personality in Description and emphasize the sexy in Fantasies/Experiences. SLS may be a sex site but it's not all sex, all the time!

The blurry picture needs to go - what's the point of a bad picture? If the rest are current then several are quite good. Velma's system for core photos works well - read a few reviews and you'll find her explain it numerous times. You probably should add a full body, nicely dressed photo so people have an idea how you'll show up for a first meeting.

Remember - everything said here is about your profile, not you personally!

Give it a rewrite and we'll be happy to get into the nitty-gritty (where you get more detailed disclaimers right at the beginning) but it feels kind of pointless when I know a lot of your current text is going to go away.

Oh - and if your age is correct, you might want to increase the upper age preference since thirty years younger to ten years older will make ladies around your age a bit cranky. And if you haven't been changing your age every year, you really need to rethink that age range!

Good luck and have fun!

~Phoebert's Wife

Hi. The usual process is to look at someone's profile, point out what might be getting in the way and then make suggestions. I know how to do that. What I don't know how to do is critique a profile that is nearly 10 years old, for someone self-describing as new. There is no current content and while I'm sure some things remain the same, you are not the same person you were at the beginning of 2010.

Get current photos, update your age and revise all your content to reflect who you are now and what you're looking for. Then there's a point to this process. Now? Not so much.

Here are some basic guidelines though:

Looking For is about who you're looking for and what you're looking for, centered around others rather than yourself.

Description is okay, but I have zero confidence that any of the information currently pertains to you.

Fantasies is a little slim when it comes to experience.

Additional comments needs to be far more positive and far less whiny than what you currently have.

And you need to correct all the typos before you let your newest iteration go live.

Id like some advice on improving my profile .. thanks