Newbie seeking profile help

Fun fact: I spent some time last night discussing multiple ways of disposing of a body. It's a good thing we know each other pretty well or we would have been giving each other the side eye for some of the ideas. ;-)

Hi there. Velma is the photo goddess. Please take her advice. And please smile. I can't begin to tell you how important a pleasant expression is in making a good impression on women.

So, first, do you really want drinkers or did you get caught up in SLS's default problem? Regardless, once you make changes to your profile, your defaults will be set to Want Drinkers/Smokers and the only way to fix it is to wait for your changes to be approved and then go in and change only that, nothing else.

I like your age toggles a lot and not just because I'm 98. It has the potential to be vastly reassuring to women your age or a little older that your range is so large and doesn't start at 18. I also like your tagline. It's self-effacing and also sweet, but get rid of the ellipses at the end. You don't need any punctuation in a tagline.

In Looking For, you have the bones of what you need, but "like minded" is meaningless, because we don't know your mind. So say a bit about what you are really looking for. And make it a complete, declarative sentence: I am looking for... (That's how you use ellipses, btw, as a placeholder for something you aren't spelling out.) Capitalize that next sentence, too. And keep it, because it's charming that you've changed your smoking habits. But fix the punctuation and make that just a period.

In Description, I get that you're a man of few words, but you still need to say more. And start your sentence with "I am," rather than "I consider myself to be," for a lot of reasons. Also, outdoors is one word.

Fantasies is where you really shine, except for the "consider" and the punctuation. The syntax - "Smaller intimate parties I find more enjoyable" for instance - needs some work too. Say it out loud and then fix the errors so it sounds more like conventional English.

Additional comments has errors in punctuation again, plus it's awesome and it's two words for "a lot." But it's okay.

Basically, your biggest problem is your truly awful photos, your punctuation, and that the charming man that peeks through in Fantasies isn't populating the rest of your profile. Can you say more? Be more forthcoming?

Please make some changes and then come back and let us help you refine things.

NJNY beat me to most all the easy stuff - but here are a few more things to consider:

In Looking For - unless we're inside your mind we really have no idea what like minded means to you. Need more here about who you are looking for - couples that want a third, single ladies for NSA, FWB, on-going, one-time. Anything about you goes in Description or elsewhere.

Photos - selfies are bad, bathroom mirror selfies are horrid, watch for background clutter and SMILE! Oh - and if you are inclined towards showing pictures of your privates - put them in a private gallery to be opened only upon request.

If you open your interest level just a bit for single guys (then change it back later) there are several that give might stop by with advice from their point of view.

Good luck!

~Phoebert's Wife

Although I'm going to regret the Dicknado that comes every time I do it, I opened my private pictures to you. There is a gallery that shows the three types of single male pictures I want to see when I look at a male.

You need a DATE picture, and EVENT picture and a BEACH picture. I would get rid of every picture of you except maybe the one of you on the rock. Call that your BEACH picture.

The other pictures... stop taking selfies. If you absolutely have to take a selfie, don't take one looking down at the camera. Nobody looks good at that angle. Take a picture looking up at the camera or stick out your neck like a turtle. More importantly, make sure that someone else takes your pictures and make sure they are full-body pictures.

Your current selfies kind of make you look like what I would see when you open the trunk to pull out my body. That last picture was taken in a dark room with paint peeling off the walls. "It rubs the lotion on it's skin..."

Seriously, you need new pictures.

Some of your pictures show a really messy room in the background. If I'm going over to a guy's house, it better be spotless or I am turning around and leaving, Also keep in mind that one of your pictures has a beard. If you currently have a beard, all of your pictures should have a beard. If you don't have a beard, the only acceptable picture of you with a beard is one of you on vacation. Don't mix and match. I want to know what I'm getting.

So let's work on the pictures first. Go to a nice restaurant and have someone take pictures of you with a glass of something brown in your hand. Have someone else take a picture of you doing something active... like ziplining.

Then re-post and we can go from there. Use the sample pictures in my private section to guide you.

Open to suggestions..any help is appreciated..
Thanks