Just updated the profile

Thank you, everyone, for the critique and recommendations. As far as the certifications I never thought about the cert's or the importance of them but you raise very valid points regarding them.

Velma & MsMolly pretty much covered it - I'll just toss in a few minor comments.

Pictures - Velma's core picture theory is great. For those and any additional pictures just remember - watch background clutter and smile. Obviously selfies are almost always not good but sometimes they are OK if you have other better pictures. And bathroom selfies are the kiss of death!

Text - Use proper English and complete sentences. Copy your text into a word processor and run spell check and grammar check to catch all the really obvious errors. Then copy each bit back into appropriate profile section. Don't repeat information shown in your statistics.

If your default profile picture were one of you smiling I would probably give you a closer look - the no smile picture is not helping you at all. You might want to indicate in Looking For if you are interested in on-going FWB or one-time events.

Good luck & have fun!

~Phoebert's Wife

Hi. Welcome. Part of the deal here is that pretty much everyone who responds is going to be blunt as hell. It's not meant to be unkind, not at all. It is meant to help you see yourself through the eyes of others and then improve your profile so as to improve your chances.

In your case, a 15 year old profile with no certs is a no go. Forget red flags, it's just a sea of red and very few people are going to take a chance on you, no matter how awesome you might be. Without certs, your best option is to create a new free profile and then email Customer Service from this profile asking to have billing switched over to your new profile. It's an easy process, although it might take a day or two.

Okay, so, I don't care what you weigh and your health is your own business, but because you're on the larger side it's even more important for you to have full body photos than it is for smaller people. The purpose is to rock your body in a way that demonstrates how you carry yourself and your weight. I think you're fine, you know? But how you carry weight will be part of what determines your attractiveness to others.

Follow Velma's advice on photos otherwise, make sure you smile, and don't have photos that are more than 18 months old. Try to look like the same person in each photo.

Your tagline needs to be replaced. It's excludes too many people (red hair isn't all that common). Find something clever or just serviceable, but make it inclusive. You want the biggest pond you can find to fish in.

Your text is full of typos and needs some work, but it isn't horrible. I'm not going to correct most of the errors, because that's what spell check is for, but lifestyle is one word.

In Looking For, use full sentences and say something about those couples and women (not females) you're looking for. And then something about what you're looking for other than fun. Like, include that too, but flesh out what you have so that couples and women can see themselves in what you're looking for.

Description isn't terrible. I like the conversational style that you're using here, but the content needs work. Burn the Ken and Barbie thing down, because it's a cliché so tired it's been sleeping for the last decade. You can also burn that silly warning, which is unenforceable and a total waste of space and time. I don't need to know you have an "average size," which I assume means your cock (those who want to know will ask) and the talented tongue thing does indeed indicate you can't always get it up.

Get rid of the random capitalizations - only the first words of sentences and proper nouns like names and places get capital letters -

Fantasies is good.

Additional comments is okay, more or less, just needs different punctuation and the lol needs to go, because this is a semi-formal piece of writing, not a text. Oh and the part about looking for a woman (really, not female), etc., belongs up in Looking For.

You could probably benefit from some more content, but what you have really isn't terrible and I think it does a good job of representing you.

Good luck!

Ok, I'm going to start off by saying that that I say next should not be taken personally. I'm going to say some things that may not sound nice. I'm only saying this because you deserve the best chance possible.

That being said, I opened a private gallery for you that contains three core sample pictures of what you need to be successful - a DATE picture (dressed up like you are in a suit), an EVENT picture (Running a 5K, or at a ball game or rock climbing - mainly doing something interesting), and a beach picture to show off your body. These pictures must be full body pictures. Do not take selfies or I will think you have no friends. I think you may be able to get away with a picture of you in a suit and you 10-gallon hat and cowboy boots.

Normally, I say don't take pictures with a gun or a fish - ever. But I think in this case if you have a "western" looking outfit, you can wear your cowboy hat and go out into the country and have someone take a picture if you from medium distance, kind of walking toward the camera with your gun, like you are out searching for the damsel tied up on the railroad tracks. ONLY DO THIS IF YOU HAVE A LEVER-ACTION COWBOY TYPE RIFLE. I can't stress this enough. DO NOT take a picture with a shotgun, an AR-15 or a Glock. But I think you can kind of pull off a "cowboy fantasy" or Marlboro Man picture.

You are going to need a friend to take these pictures. If you feel self-conscious, get over it.

My biggest problem with your profile is that you've been on for 15 years and don't have a single cert. This isn't just a red flag - it is a massive alarm. I strongly suggest that you create a new profile and ask the SLS admins to move your lifetime credit over to the new profile.

My second biggest problem is that I don't know if you are clean shaven or have a goatee because some pics have facial hair, some don't. Pick one or the other. I need to know what I'm getting.

You need to throw out every single picture. Every. Single. One. If I can't see your full body, I'm not going to be interested. If you have any dick picks in your private Gallery, don't ever open them for a girl unless she asks specifically.

Regarding your text: Take out every single "LOL." It makes you seem beta.

Take out the "WARNING" message. It doesn't mean anything and flags you as a Newbie who has been on for 15 years.

Take out the part about a "talented tongue." When I hear that, it makes me think that you can't get hard.

Also note that your profile stats say you are 260 lbs, but your profile says you are 250. Well, which are you? Take out the height/weight stuff in the profile text.

I also have to say that as a single man, you are not only competing with every other single man out there, you are also competing with my husband. Think about what you bring to the table and how it can give me what I want out of an encounter. Put that down into words.

There is also one other part of your profile that I want to bring up:

44 yrs down 44 more to go...lol

I don't know how to put this, so I'm just going to say it. You need to get in shape to increase the chances of making it another 44 years. If you start now with something like the Couch to 5K program, you will lose weight and be running races in 9 weeks. Not only will you feel better, but you will increase your chances for that long life. There are two 5K events ten weeks from now on 4/6. The Fort Worth Zoo Run and the Tyler Run for Autism. I strongly suggest you go to one of the Run On! Stores in the DWF area are get yourself a pair of shoes. Have the employees help you get the right fit. Then I want you to download the Couch to 5K app and start training.

I want you to be successful swinging. I also want you to live a long and healthy life. This could be the first step.

Take the new pictures, make the corrections and repost with an update so we can re-review.

Looking for recommendations to improve.