Well, I don't know if I'm rough enough, but if you want to be tied up and have delicious things done to you, I'm your woman. Plus, I have small hands, if you're into that.
I love your profile. I think it's dynamic, interesting and just long enough. The only thing I'd change are two errors in punctuation. There should not be a comma between "well-educated" and "Jews" and you don't need that second period after D.C.
One other thing I'd do is cut down on the number of certs. Yes, you earned every single one, but I'd still eliminate one where you have two for the same month. I think that takes it down to seven or eight, which is good enough to establish your credentials as slutty people who know what they're doing and not so much that people start to skim-read.
And maybe get rid of the Passover photo, given that Pesach is over.