I'm quite a bit older than you, and have some other physical issues (diabetes, heart disease).
Viagra didn't really work very well for me. Cialis works much better.
The thing that has really helped is testosterone. I had a t level of 250, and have been using gel for about six weeks.
Makes my partners happy...
So investigate the physical, and then investigate the psychological.
It's in your head if 100mg of Viagra isn't helping. Good lord that's a lot for a 38 year old. Is it fear of condoms ?
Figure out what actually truly turns you on, and be abruptly honest with yourself about it.
When I have ED issues, it's because I am not really as into the person as I am into the idea of swinging. There's not enough interest for what is truly necessary for me to keep an erection. Frankly, I think ED with people other than your spouse is a sign of bonding and maturity.
Get with people who immediately make you feel like you can't wait to get naked with them. If you're not basically itching to rip each others' clothes off, why bother?
This happened to me a few times and like you have never had a problem in the past. Needless to say it is all in your head and once it’s there it’s hard to get out. Either try playing separate rooms or like I did I went and got the trimix injection to guarantee that you will get hard. Shot does not hurt like you would think and you get an erection within five minutes that will stay hard for a few hours. I would definitely speak to your urologist about it and try it. Works like a charm
Male half here who uses 25mg or less of viagra with the wife recreationally.
100mg is a lot for someone your age without any actual ED. ED meds are only going to help with an uncooperative member when there is a physical issue at play. They don’t force an erection and cannot change your mindset.
You still have to be aroused and then they will help maintain/increase it and can even delay the orgasm. You’re 100% having a psychological issue so meds will not help. Attraction is irrelevant. Desire is irrelevant. You’re focusing on and trying to force it which ain’t gonna work.
You’ve gotten great advice so far. But I will add that it’s a stereotype that all men always want sex and can always get hard. Forget all that nonsense and forget about your erection.
You’ve got working hands and a mouth yeah? So forget about penetration and put those to use. Nobody is an expert so work on improving your skills. Focus on the other person/s and your mini-me will follow suit.
A good way to annoy a woman is to think they need your dick to be pleased. Most like it but none need it to have a great time.
Ps. Avoid alcohol in an attempt to calm your nerves. Whiskey dick can happen even after a single drink.
Molly- yes that does all sound better. I really appreciate the insight, especially from a woman. Thank you ??
"But it is still hard not to get in my head about this."
I've never really understood the penis-centric thinking that seems to be prevalent in men, although I acknowledge that it exists. But perhaps instead of thinking of a hard dick as an essential component of sex, think of it as a bonus and focus on all the sensuous aspects of what you're doing and how it all feels. I'm told that a good blowjob feels really good, regardless of hardness, and I know that concentrating on a partner can be amazing. With the right partner, you can make a game of it.
And doesn't that sound way better than essentially ignoring the other person to go rummaging anxiously in your own brain?
Thanks for the insight Molly. This is what I have been focusing on and we are a soft swap couple so it makes it easier. But it is still hard not to get in my head about this. Getting in my head about it seems to be the issue as all the other potential problems I don't see being an isssue
To some extent, it depends on what else is happening - nerves, condoms, discomfort having sex with other men nearby, overstimulation, concern about your wife's pleasure or jealousy . But if you're like most men with occasional situational ED issues, it's mostly that it happened once (because of nerves, condoms, discomfort having sex with other men nearby, overstimulation, concern about your wife's pleasure or jealousy) and forever after you've had that niggling concern that it'll happen again, pretty much guaranteeing that it will sometimes.
So take Viagra or Cialis, recruit a partner of the moment that is okay that you sometimes have ED issues, and instead of thinking about your dick, think about doing what feels good for the two of you. Maybe your dick will get hard, maybe it won't, but sex that doesn't involve a hard dick can be amazing if the guy doesn't make it some kind of drama event.
Original Starting post for this thread:
Wife and I have been in the LS for over a year now. We have been having lots of fun but I do have problems getting and keeping and erection some times. I was on 100mg of viagra which didn't help much. I just tried out 20mg of cialis at a party over the weekend and still had some issue. I don't ever have problems at home with the wife and the people we swig with are always attractive. Just hoping for any advice that may help. Thank you
