Messaging Openers

KLandALFL - You don't really have any interests/hobbies listed so it may be hard for others to engage you unless you engaged them using some of their listed interests. For example, we are a full swap couple that also enjoys seeing and hearing each other having fun with others, but if the weather was nice and you mentioned golf or a motorcycle ride it would give us a common starting topic.

Otherwise, we might have a hard time engaging you in an online conversation. So, if someone did reach out with, "Hi, we seem to like the same type of play for the same reasons and would be interested in some further conversation. We have opened up our pictures so you can check us out. Let us know if there is any mutual interest.", would that do it for you? If not, you may want to consider putting in some interests/hobbies for ice breaker topics of common interest.

BTW - Some may consider the above message too forward and may be reluctant to reach out or respond back that way. Even though we are here for sex, more often than not, that is usually a small part of many conversations, especially in person.

Regarding face pics, you can usually tell early on by the message dialog if someone is real and genuinely interested or a fake, so we don't initially exchange face pics till then.

As for people recognizing us at parties, we figure that they are there too, so who are they going to tell without outing themselves. Then again, we do not have a huge need for discretion. We wouldn't want it to be public knowledge, but neither of us would lose our jobs or otherwise be ostracized for it. YMMV.

KLandALFL if you notice we do not have public face pictures. It could cause problems for me (the male half) even considering everyone here is for the same reason. In fact I kind of had a close call a couple months ago with someone recognizing me from being at the parties we attend while I was out and about in the local area. It was not so much that they recognized me but they did not handle it as discretely as they should have. Usually it is not a problem as most people we meet and know in the lifestyle understand but I have a very specific public persona and have to act a certain way when in the public eye. The decision to show one's face to everyone or not is a very personal thing. BTW since we have been on this site we have run into many profiles not to mention a few people at parties where we "know" the people. In fact one or the other of us have even worked with some of them.

I also feel I need to address the whole "meet up and see where it leads" part of out initial contact and expand on it. In no way shape or form do we suggest an immediate meet up but rather it is more of "We like what we see and perhaps we should consider meeting, get to know more about each other, and see what happens as a result." Admittedly we prefer to get to know someone face to face because we (especially me) can get a read on someone ia whole lot better in person in a few minutes than we can after hours of online chat. Also we don't really have time to spend hours online together talking with folks and I refuse to be labeled as "that guy" whose wife is never around to chat. For us it is better to suggest meeting up sometime in the future at first to get the ball rolling in what we see as the right direction.

Thanks @RonKathy and @Rustic. Some very good advice in here. Was not looking for magic, just some small tweaks which you have given me some good advice on. I was already doing some of what has been mentioned, but probably not to the degree that has been mentioned. My wife and I have debated on the photos in our public gallery. We live in a small town with a bunch of talkers, so we have shied away from it. Might be time to make a change.

We do belong to several groups and went to our first event last weekend. We were both a little overwhelmed at our first one and sort of became observers. Hopefully next one we will be able to make some connections.

"Hi, we're x. We really liked y in your profile (and/or we also do z)." And then attaching a photo. My invariable response to that is to look at their profiles (I don't do that for the bulk of the people who contact me), say hi back, comment on either their activity or something in their profile and attach a photo.

Someone that asks to meet in the first message puts me off. I know that's what we're here for, but when it comes to online contacts, at this point I'm more akin to a feral cat than someone looking to get laid.

There is no "magic opener" that will make anyone respond. Honestly on every online site you have a lot of what I call tourists or people who have no intention of meeting but are here to go deeper into the fantasy about it. Basically these people thrive off the possibility which means if you sent them a contact they got what they are here for. That said after reading someone's profile (couple or single) we write something about like this yet refined based on the profile. "Hi we are (our names) and we saw your profile. We really liked (insert specifics avoiding mentioning sexy picture) and thought we might want to meet up and see where things go." We do add a few more lines but they are based of things we saw in the other profile. When it works it works well when we get no reply we move on. We do tend to avoid talking about how sexy (or whatever) a person or couple is in the pictures however if something else stands out (activity, or in one case he and I share the same taste in hats down to the brand) it gets a mention.

Now it cannot be said enough if you really want to up your contacts find a local group or club that hosts parties or events especially if they have a sign up for events on this site. Plan to attend an event then look over the guest list. Contact those on that list that interest you and mention you will be at the event. If nothing else it will put your face on their radar at the event. A caveat to this is we know more than one couple who attend the same parties we do that almost never check their messages here. In fact it seems more and more real people only log in to check if there is a new event/party posted and sign up then not check back other than to see who else is attending.

What are some of the messaging openers that you have either used that got good responses or messages you have received that you felt compelled to respond to? Or is it all about the profile? We seem to be doing very poorly in opening up a dialog with other couples.