Time wasters

"who needs to ask permission to say hi? If you're at a party that we are at, say hi. You don't need to ask."

Many people who are new in the LS are VERY intimidated when they go to a party, many drop out and never return because of the extreme cliquishness of some parties. It's a natural thing to talk to people that you know & are comfortable with, but for the newbie couple who are unsure about the entire swingers culture to begin with it's a surreal adventure into a living "people are strange" video set. I can hear Morrison crooning now......

"We recently had people reach out to us about playing at a party we were both signed up for. Night of the party they were no shows and no message. "

Oh that has happened FAR more often... we really don't even think much about that. People more or less ask permission to meet us or say hi - which to me seems odd. Just say hi. Seriously - who needs to ask permission to say hi? If you're at a party that we are at, say hi. You don't need to ask.

We recently had people reach out to us about playing at a party we were both signed up for. Night of the party they were no shows and no message.

Two days later we got a text saying they got locked down with a work thing. We'd have been fine with it if not for hearing from them TWO days later. We just responded back with, "OK".

Since this was at a LS party it wasn't a big deal because we still had fun, but it did make for a slightly higher than 2 to 1 guy heavy party since it was a small party to start with. So, the Mrs had a little extra fun that night ;-)

"Anybody ever deal with people wasting their time and money on a meet and never had intentions of actually showing up?"

"Deal with" as in track them down & take them out into a swamp in the middle of the night & leave them for dead?

Uhhmmmm. No, we haven't.

Well our personal code won’t allow us to switch to taking people time for granted, or to making commitments we have no intention of honoring. Screwed I guess? Or not screwed...sadly.

After talking on the phone we are rarely stood up. funny but everyone on Craigslist that got to the point of talking on the phone always showed up.

SLS its hard to get anyone interested in full swap to even get to the point of sending them our phone number. Mostly lifestylers instead of swingers on this site.

WOW !! We are lucky not to have that misfortune happen to us yet !! I say YET very cautiously !! Now we did have a few times where we talked to some couples only to have them ghost on us. I truly can not figure that one out.. Even after talking to them on the phone, and making plans. The lucky part is they ghost like 3 or 4 days before we plan to meet. which gives us time to shift gears to make other plans. We have never ghosted, or flaked on anyone. Look we all know how much time goes into meeting couples, hair, nails. etc... But at least the hubby and I still go out if we get ghosted, we know how to make Lemon shots outta lemons. O well it's their loss not ours, is a good way to look at it !!

We have been there...that is why our whole way of looking has changed.

Ray and Joanne

Oh and this really isn't a lifestyle thing. We see this in vanilla friends too. "We will try to make it" = they wont be there.

What's become the norm is that people now make a zillion tentative plans and then decide at the last minute which commitment they want to honor.

They also appreciate that this pattern is so widespread that they make their own backup plans in case they themselves are left high and dry. So if their original plans come through for them, they then ditch their backup plans. And so on.

This part of the lifestyle really sucks. When you invite someone for a party or whatever, anything short of "yes we will be there" should be regarded as a no. If someone says "we'll try to make it", they probably aren't coming.

Re: Reschedule then no show

That is odd. It could be that they had something come up a second time and just assumed you'd not understand and were too embarrassed to face you again, but that's only a guess.

We’re new to SLS and just had the unlucky experience of being stood up on our very first meeting.

Certainly not the experience we were hoping for. In this case our potential friends rescheduled the meeting due to a conflict days in advance which we thought was very conscientious, but then no-showed for the reschedule!

We have very few nights to ourselves so wasting one was unfortunate. I think the biggest question was “why reschedule & then flake?”.

We messaged afterward to say thanks a lot but of course now they have ghosted.

Fortunately, based on some of the horror stories we read here, we haven't been stood up.

We've had occasions where we've met people and there was an instant no connection, we've met people where we enjoyed their company but there was no sexual chemistry felt by one of us (we like to both feel chemistry with [potential partners), and we've declined to meet one couple after a voice confirmation phone call because it was clear we were very different people.

We do feel lucky to know a few couples where we get together regularly and we are friendly in & out of the bedroom. It's fantastic meeting for dinner and drinks, knowing you'll have some great conversation and catch up on things, and then having some adult fun. It's nice to have those opportunities to balance out the unknown, although meeting new people is really exciting.

We have been stood up and had no shows numerous times and also had last second cancellations and after we drove hours to get to the city we were meeting in and most of those times we got a room for the night as well so as not to have a late night drive home. We would say somewhere between 25 to 30 times in our years of swinging. So yes this happens and there are time wasters out there.

It isn't the primary reason I insist on an initial meeting for coffee, but it's certainly a factor. Even if I get stood up, I have something to read, something to drink and some rare downtime. Doing this as a couple and now as a single, I've have people flake before coffee, but never experienced a no show.

We've only once had a no-show of people once we're already out the door... and they didn't exactly no-show.. more like texted us at the last nanosecond to tell us they were going to do something else. Better than sitting there at a table for people who are never going to show up, I guess.

Downside is that a lot of people are intimidated by clubs, parties or organized social gatherings. I get that. That might prevent us from meeting some people. C'est la vie.

I second what VA said about parties. We do meet outside of parties and we haven't been stood up yet, but our preference is to meet at parties for the reasons VA gave. The other good advice was to meet someplace you may go anyway so it's not a waste if they don't show.

In almost all cases we will exchange cell #'s with someone before meeting. If someone gets a flat or hits traffic we can let each other know, and we generally send a text when we leave the house as a courtesy to let someone know we're on our way.

I have seen people RSVP to parties and never show. Sometimes you can tell when you see a couple RSVP to 2 different parties on the same day and time. You can pretty much plan on them being a no-show. No idea what they get out of doing that but they basically get black-balled from parties so they screw themselves if they ever did want to actually attend.

Lol! Thanks enjoylife99 :D

I can't image anybody standing you up TomAndDiane. Every time we see Diane's lovely picture in a post, we regret that we don't live closer. :)
But we too, have not been stood up. Just lucky I guess.

Of course. Most people are phony and lie through their teeth. But talking on the phone to both the couple at least lets you know it is a couple who both claim to be swingers.

The biggest lies come with their age and weight, this you find out when you meet for a drink.

But hey sometimes the people are honest, are real swingers and everything works. This happened for us this last Wednesday with a couple that we met for a drink and played with.

We've been more fortunate than most in that regard. We won't meet a new couple unless we've spoken to both parties via phone to verify that there is a female half & to get a sense if she's equally on board & not having her arm twisted by the male half. Never been stood up. There have been a few time people didn't look like their pics or there wasn't an all around connection, but for the most part meeting at a vanilla place for drinks hasn't been an issue.

Welcome to the fora.

Yes. That's why we don't do it anymore. Unless we have a strong feeling about someone - which is uncommon - we want to meet people at parties or events, where nobody's evening is wasted if they dont show up or there's no interest.

In the last 5 years we've only once met a new couple out for drinks. We had plans to two weeks ago but they vanished as the time got closer, giving us a nice reminder of why we don't do that.

Anybody ever deal with people wasting their time and money on a meet and never had intentions of actually showing up?