Let's make this interesting.

We’ve never just written “Not interested”. We try to always be thankful. Our last “no interest” response to a couple.

“ Good evening XXXX and XXXX. We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for messaging us. You two seem to be quite the couple, however, all things considered, we will be passing. Thank you and best wishes.”

And one from before the pandemic that had no pictures, yet had certs. Always make sure to give picture access before sending a message saying “look at our private pictures and see if.......”

“ Hello XXXX and XXXX. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintances. Notwithstanding lack of picture access, we are sure you two are a lovely couple and thank you for your interest. Maybe another time in the future. Best of wishes and good luck at TJ’s.

~Allen

I have always felt the words, 'no thank you' constitute a complete thought. If a person's profile is diametrically opposite of what I'm looking for and it's blatantly obvious I disregard the message entirely. If I can't be honest on this site where can I be? I'm on here for my own pleasure. Good thoughtful post however.

"so...if you get an instant message that says only “hello” (or “hi” or “hey”)"

I just delete those. they don't deserve a response

I don't have any trouble rejecting people. But saying "not interested" to a hi is a non sequitur, since they haven't expressed interest.

I do say "go away" on occasion though. Does that count?

Yes we would, but up to a point. If we get a hi, we respond with a hi. The longest we've gone with hi and hi back is 10 times. Some people are not highly conversant on a keyboard and are better in person. So if we think there is a possibility based on their profile, we'll do the hi tag for a bit. We've met some fascinating people in person when the first contact was just hi.

YMMV

We must be the outliers. If there is not a match we've never struggled with providing that information to people who write. A large majority will fall back on the.....no response is a response angle. It's actually not, it's just a convenient excuse.

We always look at this from the senders point of view. It takes GUTS to reach out and express an interest to get to know you/us better. I'd guess a large majority want a response, even if the response is no. You don't have to be mean, don't have to give specifics on why there is not a match. A simple, polite, no more than a sentence or two response is all that is necessary. Of those that we did not find a match with, we'd guess 75% of them write back and say thank you for at least responding.

Given how people find it difficult to reject others, here's a painless way to go about it and make it a standard thing across the community.

It is tough to verbalize rejection. I never understood how women hey so used to it!

Just respond with the words Not Interested. / Interested.

That is all that is required.

Thoughts?