Deep Thoughts

Paragraph breaks, who uses those to express separation of thoughts?

While, I do appreciate encouraging and constructive criticism, I am even more impressed that Ms.Molly took the time to acknowledge and answer my call for her personal thoughts and feels.

I find it wonderfully helpful to hear your stories about your experiences. For this thread I wanted to specifically focus on what you find beneficial about including other sexual partners into your current relationships.

My weight is a point of concern for me at this time. However, I am working through it. I am putting myself out in a vulnerable way by sharing my true emotions on a forum of strangers. My goal is to be as honest with myself and the people around me as I can. For me there is a feeling of freedom and release when I share openly.

I am hopeful that in the future as my husband and I enjoy sharing and exploring with other couples the years will be filled with wonderful liberating experiences. Maybe a few wild romps with a crowd just for fun!

Pretty good for a 99 year old...

I'll answer your actual question in a moment, but first I wanted to say that I think women pay way too much of the wrong kind of attention to their bodies. And then they assume that others are equally negative and that's mostly not true. But, yeah, if being turned down feels like rejection, it's going to burn sometimes. Try to remember that we all get turned down sometimes, all of us, at whatever size or age or appearance. None of us will connect with everyone and it's sometimes particularly hard to find a four-way connection.

I'm not a fan of the word lifestyle to describe what I do, but have never quite figured out why. Anyway, if I'd answered this question when I first saw it, I'd have been willing to go a little deeper, But now it's morning and caution is the order of the day. The biggest benefit is and has always been the people I've met and the relationships we've built. That web of connection matters to me.

Also, not long after I started swinging, I decided I'd give myself a year of saying yes to everything that wasn't illegal, non-consensual or somehow terrifying. That might have been the best decision I ever made and up until then my record of making good decisions was pretty damned good. It burned out the remnants of that voice that had been trying to make me feel bad about being naturally inclined to promiscuity. I still regularly see my most enthusiastic co-conspirator in that venture and having someone in my life who has seen me fuck my way through a room with no judgment and quite a lot of amused approval has been an incalculable benefit.

Also, if I'd ever had any doubts about the desirability of my body, they would have been erased the first month I started swinging.

You get the paragraph break software with the secret handshake.

But you have to have at last 10,000 posts to get either.

Where did you two get the paragraph break software? I got lost after "The husband and I have always talked..."

i seem like a broken record lately.

What you are feeling is completely normal. The excitement, the uncertainty, the worry. All normal reactions to stepping out of your comfort zone.

What I would say is take it slow. Don't try to force anything. After all, you are with your favorite person, so if you go to a party and nothing happens, you are still spending time with your favorite person.

And don't be surprised if you get into the "lifestyle" (I hate that word) and decide it is not for you. Or you only like soft swing, or MFM, or gangbangs, or any of the other permutations of this thing.

After all, this is your journey, not anyone else's.

So as long as everyone is of age, and you are not inflicting unwanted physical or emotional pain on another person, have at it.

Woo boy that was a lot. Especially at 3:52 am. But here goes...

"However, the feeling of rejection started to sink in after seeing how many people have viewed my profile without making contact"

You are by far reading too much into that. Out of the last perhaps 200 profiles that viewed us, maybe 3 wrote, and all of them were single guys in spite of our "no single guys" instructions. So if that tells you anything....

We virtually never initiate contact. We've probably viewed 10,000 profiles since writing to anyone. A lot of people are like us.

Our start in this involved an overnight party at a hotel takeover. Mrs VA weighed 260 pounds at the time and herself was quite concerned that nobody would find her interesting. That didn't last long. We went to these parties for months and never played - just took it in, discussed, etc. And we fucked each other a lot during this time.

I wont tell you that your feelings and concerns aren't normal, but I think you'll do better than you are imagining.

The husband and I have always talked about what it would be like to include others into our bedroom activities. The conversations have always been just fantasy until about 2 weeks ago. I honestly don't know what made me change the tone of the conversation, but suddenly I did. Instead of role play and what if's, I sincerely asked for permission to make something happen for real. He said sure. At first, I think he still didn't believe that I was serious or that I would follow through. It only took 24hrs and I had set up this account and I was reading articles on the subject of "The Lifestyle". A few days later I had found a local club and gotten all the details about getting onto the guest list. I have booked a hotel and made arrangements for the kids to have an overnight babysitter. The hotel room is not because I think we are going to get lucky the first night. It is actually for us to have a kid free location to talk freely and just take in what we see or feel while at the club. Our first real life encounter with the Lifestyle will be this Saturday when we go to the club. We have been talking almost every night about boundaries and expectations. I had a bit of an emotional moment 2 nights ago. The realization of my physical appearance hit hard. I am not silly, nor blind. I know my size. However, the feeling of rejection started to sink in after seeing how many people have viewed my profile without making contact. I know what this site is. I know we are all putting ourselves on display with the hope that others are going to want us. What I was not prepared for were the emotions that all this has brought up for me. As painful as it is to deal with all this emotions, I do think it is going to benefit me more than I realize even at this moment. The husband and I are working together to follow through with this experience. We are researching and listening to talks on the subject. I have been reaching out to couples on this site asking questions and trying to cultivate potential friendships. I have been pondering the potential benefits this Lifestyle could have for me personally. For example, my weight. If being naked in front of another man and wanting him to find me desirable is the motivation I need to take care of my body and health, I see that as a positive benefit. My husband loves me without fail and I will be forever grateful that I have him in my life. We met when we were both young and beautiful. We have grown together over the past 21 years, both physically and mentally. He has seen me grow, give birth and feed 4 of his children with this body. I understand that he is wearing rose colored glass when he looks at me. Which I appreciate beyond measure. I have been thinking a lot about why we really want to do this. Are we doing it for the right reasons. As well as motivation to lose weight, I have found that our quality of communication about everything in our lives has improved. With 4 kids we have a lot to discuss regularly. Those discussions even when we disagree have been very effective in resolving whatever the issue was. I would love to hear from others what about your life has benefited from being in this Lifestyle.

The longest journey starts with a single step...

So start steppin'

Maybe it would help to start the conversation for you to tell us how you got here. Leaving out any identifying information, of course.

Or if you prefer, start a group and invite people to contribute. That is one way to keep the Riff Raff (or Frankenfurters. or Magentas, but especially Brads) out...

"But if you want to put on a flame retardant suit, you certainly might want to try."

What about a retard-retardant suit?

And I don't normally like to use that word, but I'm drawing a little bit of inspiration from Mr. Heat.

There are certainly idiots posting here, but they're outnumbered in everything but venom and volume by smart, decent people. So, do your thing and be prepared to block people if it gets unpleasant for you.

Good to know. Thank you for the heads up. I am new to the Lifestyle as well as new to participating in forum discussions. I will admit that I expect people to be tactful and decent, and in today's world that is very naive of me.

It is a good idea in theory, and there have been a number of threads on this in the past, but right now there are too many idiots on the boards to have any kind of meaningful discussion on the matter.

But if you want to put on a flame retardant suit, you certainly might want to try.

As they say, be careful what you wish for...

So, I have been pondering a lot of things since deciding to participate in the Lifestyle. Is anyone interested in having a discussion that goes deeper into the psychology of this and how it benefits all aspects of our lives? I dig that kind of sharing of thoughts and opinions. I'll even show you mine first! Just asking to see if anyone else wants to go deeper. (Puns fully intended, wink)