The divorce

Havingfun - Stealing that one!! LOL

We are only 8 days into self-isolation and it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks. It breaks my heart to see her like this. I have thought very hard about how I can cheer her up. I have even considered letting her in - but rules are rules.

Stay well everyone,

There has been a study done that claims 84 percent of men die before their wives, do you know why that is ? Because they want to .

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client.
"Saul, I have some good news, and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Give me the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me
that she just invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a
minimum of $15 million to $20 million, and I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman!
You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."

Bad news announced by Disney...
Mickey and Minnie are getting divorced.
During the proceedings the Jude addresses Mickey,
"Mr Mouse I will not be able to grant you a divorce on your claim of Mrs Mouse being crazy."
Mickey explains, "Your Honor I did not imply she was crazy. I stated she was fucking Goofy!"

FLORIDA WOMAN STOPS ALLIGATOR ATTACK USING A SMALL BERETTA PISTOL
Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave,
cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect
yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house
in 'The Villages' with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing
property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge
12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and
began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been
protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive."
If I had not had my little Beretta .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!"
"Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.
The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking
away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really
incredible, and his life insurance was a real big bonus!"

Man wanted to buy his daughter a special Barbie for her birthday. After being shown several and deeming htem not "special" enough, he was shown Divorce Barbie. He was shocked to find out the $15,000 pricetag for a doll! When he aske why she was so expensive, the retailer explained, "she comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's....."

You know why divorce is so expensive?

It's worth it! :-)

Play well my friends, play well!

A man sits at a bar slowly sipping a beer. The bartender notices the man seems depressed and strikes up a conversation. "Hey buddy. You seem pretty down. Wanna talk about it?"

The man looks up from his mug. "My divorce was settled today. The judge ordered that everything would be split down the middle, fifty-fifty."

"Well, that's not so bad," says the bartender. "At least you got an even split."

"Yeah? Well they judge said she get's everything INSIDE the house and I get everything OUTSIDE of the house!"

A husband and wife get a divorce. The wife is worth a lot of money but forgets to take the ex husband off of her accounts. In her will she requests that ALL of her money be buried with her. The wife dies. At the wake, the wife's sister approaches the ex husband and says, "you took all of her money against her wishes. She wanted to be buried with it". The ex husband replies, "no I didn't, I gave her a check!"