Single male or couple, who should write first?

For us, we are primarily looking for couples to meet up with and see where things go from there. There absolutely have been a few single guys that have piqued our interest, and we have reached out to them first.

What I do find interesting, is that probably 70% of those that have contacted us through the IM system have been single guys. Most with minimal content in their message. With the IM system the only method of communication through SLS, it does reduce options. Of those that either reached out to us or responded to our message, we do at least provide some return response - even if it is thank you but no thanks.

I would agree that you should do what you are most comfortable with. If your listing reflects that you are seeing couples and single ladies, you inquiries from single males may be minimal (although certainly not non-existent). Then again, if someone captures your attention than you should reach out to them. Everyone that has signed on here, is looking for some form of contact with others. Don't wait and miss an opportunity simply because you think a single guy should be reaching out to you.

I don't think you should get too worried about other people's disappointment. So long as you aren't lying or promising things, no one on here should expect anything just because you sent them a message.

I’m in agreement with Sorillo that easily 75% (possibly more) of my interactions with SFs and Couples have been based on their initial contact.

I’ll step into Redundant BT Mode here for a sec, and mention that in my early days of play, after a fruitless few (ok, several) months of “Hi my name is BT and I really, really, really liked reading your profile...” email blasts, Another, more seasoned SM suggested that I simply stop being like every other desperate SM and cease sending emails. Instead, he said, focus on your profile, making it interesting and humorous and a reflection of your personality, and then...wait for people to reach out. I nicknamed it The Sadie Hawkins Approach, because 1) nicknames are cool...and 2) I’m generally a goofball, and since following this advice, things have kinda fallen into place in a nice way. I do modify “The Sadie” when traveling, or when I read a Hot Date posting or profile specifying a strong interest in goofballs. ...I’d imagine my friend Sorillo does the same thing ;-)

In the end though, it’s a You Do You deal. Do what works for you. If you’re worried that too much might be read into making first contact, then, make sure that your profile states how things work for you. Spell it out there and in the emails that you send. That might cut down on the misunderstandings, but then again, it’s been noted here that SM can’t read. ...I think it’s a blood flow issue.

Good luck and have fun,

BT

Don't be afraid to write first. For me, probably 75% or so of my actual play times have been with couples/women who reached out first. Anecdotes =/= data, of course.

The big thing is, as already noted, to specify that it's strictly a vanilla meet/greet. I figure that the vast majority of the guys worth playing with will assume that to begin with. One method that might work out for you is an afternoon or lunch type meet. I mean for most folks, party time doesn't start until the sun goes down, so that sets the vanilla mood without being heavy-handed about it.

I don't think it matters. We only play with single guys and have made good connections both ways.

While we were traveling the US we had to reach out since we never knew where we were going to be very far ahead. And the only time we really made connections then was when I reached out far in advance and the gentlemen were willing to email for weeks (months in one case) until we could give them firm dates for our time in their area.

Since we bought a house and stopped traveling I don't search very often. Of the several gentlemen we've connected with it is about 25% where I reached out and 75% that contacted us first. When we get more settled and have more time to play I may search more often and that percentage may shift closer to 50/50.

None of the gentlemen we met with expected anything other than a vanilla meeting. Most times we do play because I exchange a lot of emails ahead of time to get comfortable (it's what works for me). Once I had to postpone play due to a bit of a stomach virus. Once I met on my own (Phoebert wasn't available) and then declined playing later due to information that was shared at that meeting. And once the gentleman didn't think I was on-board so he opted to leave. But everyone has always been polite and gracious - they may be hopeful of playing but no one has been demanding. Not sure if it is because we attract that sort or if I just vet them well enough.

If you wait for them to contact you, you may miss some great gentlemen. So don't worry - the quality single guys know how this works and know not every contact means play.

Good luck!

~Phoebert's Wife

It doesn't matter. Neither party should ever feel committed to anything. Most people understand this, but there are those who don't.

It also never hurts to politely specify the fact of no expectations in your message.

My wife thinks that if we write first, the guy may think we're a sure thing... we have ended up playing with less than 10% of guys we have communicated with online. Even if we meet in person, 50-50 it goes nowhere.

Should we wait for guys to ping us so they start with low expectations so aren't disappointed if it goes nowhere?