Health issues in older couples

EA- "I strive to try and put myself in the other person's shoes instead of putting them in mine."

Sometimes what is being asked for is, "What would you do/think?" based on your experience. Otherwise I also try, unsuccessfully at times, to put myself in other's shoes.

We have only been in that "one is broken" situation temporarily. We know we both want the other to be happy. It's "possible" people could be OK with a don't ask, don't tell arrangement.

Playing with others has always been just recreational sex, but I'm honestly not sure how either of us would feel if we couldn't fulfill the other's physical needs long term.

@Mayhem

"It's not unusual for people to see others the way they see themselves"

That is so friggin true. That is something that I try NOT to do. I strive to try and put myself in the other person's shoes instead of putting them in mine. I am not always successful though :(

EA - That is why I said IMHO. It's not unusual for people to see others the way they see themselves. No claim that it's correct. An opinion was asked and I gave one.

Why is it that when people read that the woman doesn't want to know that they think it is cheating and damaging?

What works for you may not work for them. The guy was asking for advice. Here is my advice and it is worth exactly what was paid for it.

If she states it is OK, go do it. You have been married for 40 years. If you think at this point in time that she is now going to file divorce papers and stand in front of a judge and say, "Your honor, he went and fucked another woman after I told him to," that is a reach.

Some people are voyeurs, some are not. Some live vicariously through others, some do not. None of us know the 40+ years of history between these two. We can assume one thing, their relationship has been strong enough to survive 40+ years. As they have been swingers, why him going solo at this stage would be marriage destroying . . . wow.

One of the hard things here is "how" she said it was OK, which doesn't come across in a post. I'm sure we've all heard our Mrs telling us something was fine, but you could tell by the tone of their voice it wasn't fine ;-)

We both really do enjoy seeing and hearing each other having fun with others, but right now we're both very physically capable of playing. It could be different if one of us was incapable or severely limited from playing. The Mrs had surgery once and was out of commission for 6-8 weeks and she WANTED me to play, but she also wanted to be there and be a part of it when I did, even if just to be a fluffer. The difference is that there was light at the end of that tunnel for her. The OPs situation is different.

IMHO I think the fact that she doesn't want to know anything about you playing would say she's not totally OK with it, but that's just my take on it. It appears common (to me) that women will make LS sacrifces for their guy, even though they aren't totally OK with it. Most all of us have seen or heard of women in the LS that are just along for the ride to appease their husband.

From the male half, we’ve been married for almost 35 years and I’ve shared her with many men over the last 20 years or so. I have to say after reading your post, at this point in your long marriage even if she says it ok and she probably thinks it would be but taking the chance isn’t worth losing your marriage because after the fact she may not really be ok with it. You should look into some devices like swings, slings and benches that would allow you to have sex in more comfortable positions and don’t chance what sounds like a long and loving relationship.

I think you answered your own question by saying you don’t want to damage your marriage….. is a piece of ass worth all you have with your wife?

There was an article in the NY Times a number of months ago regarding sex as seniors. Seems that for a lot of older couples, edging works.

I currently don't have any significant joint problems at the moment. I have read/seen where collagen production diminishes as you get older. This effects hair, skin, joints and is kind of the scaffolding that basically supports and holds everything together by the sound of it.

I started on a collagen supplement less than a month ago, but I suspect this is like taking vitamins where there is no immediate obvious difference. Someone here said give it 2 weeks and you'll notice a difference, but I have not. I'd be happy though just to keep the status quo because I'm in good physical health for someone of any age, much less one approaching 65.

Unlike so many my age or younger, I'm not on any prescription meds yet except for tretinoin creme, which is just retinol A and can be purchased over the counter. Just had my physical and my doc said to just keep doing whatever I've been doing.

I had both hips wear out in my later 50’s and it was bad. Had total replacement on both snd its a game changer! Total replacement via the anterior approach is easy and recovery short. If you are a candidate, based on my experience, go for it! Also we find coach fucking to be friendly when they are the right height.

There has been some success with slings there are many different styles but the ones that are either a large support of solid or woven materials. Many different styles of slings, but it is an adaptive form of sexuality for some and abinormal for others.

There has been some success with slings there are many different styles but the ones that are either a large support of solid or woven materials. Many different styles of slings, but it is an adaptive form of sexuality for some and abinormal for others.

My girlfriend and I have the same situation, she can't play anymore and has given me a hall pass and has always say have fun and really meant it. Just at my age the chances are not very often at all. I have a penile implant because of an accident and can stay hard for as long as I want, still the invites are few.

I noticed the same thing . Even in Appalachia that seems a bit young...

SWUS - You mention that you both enjoy oral. Seems like you can do a fair amount of that (and other soft play), even with health issues. It's also hard to tell exactly what the question is because it sounds like both of you are experiencing some significant physical limitations.

VegasCpl - "My husband and I just celebrated 50 years last May." I couldn't help but notice your posted ages. You have been together since she was 5 and he was 8 ? Wasn't sure if that was a typo, but congrats either way.

I will second the idea of altering the bed height. Just be sure to measure the correct height with the mattress compressed as it would be with a body resting on the edge. That saves on making adjustments later.

Do the ED pills help him at all? Tried them all ?

My husband and I just celebrated 50 years last May. We have been very active in the lifestyle all but the first couple of years of our married life. We find ourselves in somewhat the same situation but reversed. My husband is in excellent physical condition. However, like many men his age his ability to perform has diminished. We now have a solution for that. At the same time, my sex drive has remained the same if not stronger!

During most of our swing life, we played mostly with couples. The problem as we've gotten older is that many of the women have kept themselves up physically and look great. Not so much for their husbands who haven't seen the inside of a gym in 40 years! My husband is in great shape and has lots of women hitting on him all the time, but I have no interest in their husbands who could care less about their appearance. I get hit on by guys in their late 20's, 30's and 40's. I have always had a fondness for black men. We attend Splash Mocha twice a year. It's become very one-sided for us. We do have an occasional threesome with another female, but not often. That is something we will work on.

Our number one priority is our sex life. We make a point of going out to dinner often and when we do we both dress up sexy and nice for each other. This past year we started doing a date night at home. Once a week, we make something very nice for dinner and have a good bottle of wine. I pick out what my husband is going to wear for dinner and he tells me what to wear. It's always sheer as that is his preference. We are touching, kissing, flirting, and playing around during dinner preparation and through dinner. Dessert is orgasm time. If he can't get an erection he gets me off with his tongue then works me over with vibrators and dildos. It may seem like a silly thing to do, but we really enjoy our romantic date nights at home.

That is how getting older has affected our sex life. Of course, we wish it was the same as when we were in our 20's but that is simply not realistic.

Holly blue yes we have thought about that and have plenty of toys.

Thank you for your reply.

RE:JandD, click backward on my pics. in black.. my face after sucking cock and having cum splashed on it...out having a drink...

Find some toys that both of you like. Take a trip to Cirillas or somewhere similar and just walk through and have a few laughs and pick out a few to take for a test drive. Granted it isn't the same, but it is something that you all can do together both enjoy. The big thing to keep in mind is that many will feel like failures if they cannot care for their partner. Try and find creative ways to address things. Have you thought about using a yoga sling or a sex swing?

Mary Jo cum on the face makes make up look prettier.

I will post a couple pics, I messed up my makeup some earlier by giving a blow job and having some cum shot on my face.. Mary Jo

We would love to see walking in a bar looking like that

If you could have seen me today...Wearing nylons and a black panty with lacy little skirt thingy built in (no skirt) and going to bars seeing women dressed head to toe in sexless clothes....