Russ and Ashley discuss key mistakes in the lifestyle, emphasizing clear boundaries, consent, and the normalcy of jealousy. They share listener insights, stress strong relationship foundations, and offer advice for newcomers.Special thanks and music credit to our friend @nominalfilter on Soundcloud!And @djlifeofspice for letting us use "Let's Get Naughty(LIFEOFSPICE Remix)" find all of his music, merch and events HERE! **Upcoming Events*Swinger Society Secrets Takeover- Sold out!June 22nd GLOW Party By Pineapples After Dark- TICKETS HERESupport our FriendsPineapples After Dark PodcastVoluptuous VixenVoluptuous VixenFollow Us- Instagram: @hotcouplechronicles- TikTok: @hotcouplechronicles- YouTube: Watch our video episodesMore Socials- Instagram: @HotCoupleInGA- TikTok: thathotcouple_inga- Backup TikTok: thathotcoupleinga4.0Find Your Community- SDC: Code 36775 for 2 free weeks!- 3Fun: Connect with local swingers!-The Playground: Join the new, hottest lifestyle community!Health Resources- Shameless Care: $30 off ED meds or STI testing!Premium Sites- Ashley’s VIP OnlyFans (all content included)- Ashley’s Fansly- Russ’ OnlyFans
Transcript
You're listening to a podcast right now. Driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With RSS.com, starting your own is free and easy. Upload an episode, and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and hundreds more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads like this, even with just 10 listeners a month. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start free at rss.com. This week on Hot Couple Chronicles. It's not fun if not everyone consents. Yeah.
You want to make sure that it's 100% enthusiastically consensual every single time.
There's yeah period believing jealousy doesn't exist and more so on that like if you're a good swinger oh jealous oh yeah good just believing that jealousy is just such a bad thing and a horrible thing and i've said it once i've said it i'll say it a million times more it's a basic human emotion yeah people say if you're jealous you shouldn't be in the lifestyle you're horrible at the lifestyle if you feel jealousy and that i never got that like how are you horrible at a lifestyle jealousy happens jealousy exists even in the tightest most solid couples your jealousy is a thing you've felt it i've felt it it's a thing that pops up yeah it's gonna happen welcome to hot couple chronicles a podcast exploring the singing lifestyle our discussions may contain explicit content and adult themes intended for mature audiences while we strive to offer valuable insights and entertainment please be aware that the views expressed are based on personal experiences and opinions.
We encourage listeners to approach the content with an open mind and to prioritize communication, consent, and respect in their relationships. Remember, everyone's journey is unique, so take what resonates with you and leave what doesn't. Thank you for joining us on our adventure. I'm Russ. And I'm Ashley.
And this is hot couple chronicles welcome back welcome back happy wednesday wednesday you look pretty today i'm trying saying your hair is i live when you curl your hair like that you're doing the podcast and then tonight we have dinner with friends so yeah i'm trying here trying always trying yes today we're going to talk about mistakes that we've made and others have made in the lifestyle that we wouldn't do again we wanted to talk more about the lessons we've learned we've all had what the fuck moments why you do that and so i've been gathering some questions and different answers and stuff from people on Instagram and in our email and everything.
So we're going to talk a little bit about that. I made a post a couple weeks ago naming our top five. Yeah. It went viral and did really well. So it kind of. You got a lot of responses to it.
For Instagram posts with educational stuff, usually they don't do so well so it kind of inspired i figured we'd do a whole podcast and talk a little bit more about that all right first we're going to go into the top five things that i listed of mistakes that we have made that we wouldn't want to do again number one is going in without clear boundaries yeah that's just asking for hurt feelings and jealousy. Definitely recommend before going into anything. We didn't know. No. What we were doing. We had no idea.
But definitely before you continue into lifestyle and choose to be in lifestyle, make sure that you're discussing, sitting down, figuring out what it is that you want. Yeah, for sure. Why and rules and everything. It's good to have. Yeah, we had that conversation really late in the game. But to be fair, we didn't even know the lifestyle was. And we didn't identify as swingers to.
We were just going to have fun like we would never it wasn't until we really became swingers and decided we wanted to join the lifestyle that we even decided to have that conversation even after we said like we owned the swinger title i guess you would say we started having those conversations but it was really slow little a lot of small conversations and that built up to collectively it was our boundaries yeah and what we want and what we don't want and all of that it doesn't it can be like however you want it to look as long as you are clear yeah it's like we didn't sit down for hours and hours and hash it out like this is what i want this is what i do not want this is is a hard boundary it was a whole bunch of small conversations that and then even then we didn't really dive into it for a while all right now mistake number two assuming everyone understands consent just because they are in the lifestyle and that is not that is unfortunately not true unfortunately it should be the case should be we've come a long way it has come a long way since we first got into the lifestyle yes i mean there would be just people just come up and grab you and oh yeah especially early on i remember having a really bad hard time with people touching you yeah respecting consent and respecting asking to before they touch and it used to be a really big problem luckily we haven't had that problem in quite a while i think because we've been well i think we've been so loud about the consent part i think that they can't agree yeah we're pretty loud yeah that's the only way to put it is we are very up front and open about you know as everyone don't touch me unless you ask yeah you can look but you can't touch yeah so you ask before you touch very simple stuff but unfortunately especially with the older generation i feel like had a problem with it i think we had more of a problem with the older lifestyle now on that i still have like men are better yeah women i feel it's not all women but some a lot of women feel like they're not included it's just assumed that it's okay if they touch me yeah yeah unfortunately that's a lot of the case yeah that's always been and it's not true like my consent is just as important as your consent so that's a that's i think that's our next journey is hey girls it's you too yeah it doesn't just apply to males or females or one or the other it should be everyone you should be getting consent from everyone and before group play before you're playing with even a swap or even one person anyone that needs to be a conversation beforehand that you can send and it doesn't have to be formal it doesn't have to be weird or awkward can be that's fine yeah i love it now because even when we go into group situations now like you hear the conversations yeah before play starts yes yeah it's a group conversation does anybody have any hard boundaries that we want to be aware of everyone consent to be here yeah i'm consent to this or that and i do yeah i do love hearing the difference and and you the last couple you can see where people have almost hit a boundary and like with their partner or something like that and everybody pauses and make sure that everybody's okay yeah like i love that yeah it's like oh shoot we're just having fun we don't it's not that serious you guys are more important than what's going on right now and so we make sure everybody's okay before we start playing again yeah it's not fun if not everyone consents yeah you want to make sure that it's 100 enthusiastically consensual every single time make sure you have that conversation it can be sexy it can be i want i've always wanted to do this i've always wanted to try this with you would you be okay with this it doesn't have to be so icky and official no it doesn't have to anything like that just well it's the same type of conversation you have with the partners as well yes like man i would love your wife to yeah or that's a good way to do it too so there's ways to do it that are you know makes a little bit more like maybe we're vibing man i would love to do this to her or i've heard you this and they can they'll be like nah or yeah that's fucking hot and then when someone says no don't you know yeah then if somebody says no it's all right don't get defensive no it's just no you can't get defensive it's not your yeah period and so you have to really not only the words but gauge their body language and everything that's going on not being pressured yeah under the influence of alcohol or drugs or anything like that it has to be consensual you can't enthusiastic yes emphasizing on enthusiastic yes all right so the third one is prioritizing others' pleasure over your own.
Yes. Worrying about everyone else getting off and having a great time, which is natural for me to normally do. I fell on that trap for a while. Yeah. Like, I wasn't, like, yeah, we were playing. Yeah. But I wasn't having a great time. Yeah, it was very performant. It was. Yeah. Yeah. It was, I was just going through the motions. Yeah.
And then you step you step back and you're like why are we here if we're not having that pleasure and we're not enjoying the sex then what's the point in having yeah we're here to enjoy we have great sex by ourselves alone we don't need any of that to have that so if we're not here to enhance things why are you even here exactly that was definitely a big one that we got stuck into for quite a while i know me for sure and i think with the of and the content creating and stuff it kind of does blur and it does become a little performative at moments that time when you are a creator like you and you're on social media it's hard to not let that side consume you yeah and definitely definitely don't want to do that in swinging land when swinging is our our thing our private like that we had multiple conversations about that and trying to figure out okay when is it work and when is it just us wilding out, you know, like having fun?
Like we had to really put those lines in place and talk before we go to an event or a takeover or a party. Like, okay, this is work. Yeah. So we're going to have fun regardless. But, you know, we're still working. Yeah.
And then where it's okay this is just us weekend we're not going to cut time out for content and tiktoks and pictures and stuff like that this is just going to be us and we had to draw those lines because it was consuming you for sure like you weren't having fun anymore yeah because you want to listen to yeah all the wants and the needs that you want that's the whole purpose that the reason that you're there exactly you're there to have a good time and to feel good yeah so don't worry so much about everybody else and just focus on what you want and how good it feels for you go from there looking for a fresh way to connect in the lifestyle welcome to the playground a modern space where open-minded adults meet explore and create unforgettable connections built for the lifestyle community the playground is where curiosity meets connection ready to join the fun click the link below and start your adventure with the playground today.
Do you want to get naughty? Do you want to get naughty, baby? Do you want to get naughty? Do you want to get naughty, baby? Okay. Mistake number four. Ignoring red flags at events or anywhere really or anywhere really any red flag at all any gut feeling i have come a long way in this last year or so i have really become adamant about trusting my gut because i i know better you're my gauge like because i don't I don't have the, I don't even know what to call that. Intuition. Intuition. I don't know. I just get a good feeling. Empathy. Yeah, I can just. You're listening to a podcast right now.
Driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With rss.com, starting your own podcast is free and easy. Upload an episode and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads just like this. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start your new podcast for free today at RSS.com. You're listening to a podcast right now. Driving, working out, walking the dog.
If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With rss.com, starting your own is free and easy. Upload an episode and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and hundreds more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads like this, even with just 10 listeners a month. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start free at rss.com.
I'm usually tall pretty fast if it's going to be a good a bad situation i can yeah it's a gut feeling and i have many many times chosen to ignore that feeling and every single time go back well it took me it take because like i said you're my gauge there and it took me a while to just trust you because a lot of times i'm in the moment i think it's going to be fun like it's everybody's good you see something that i don't and then i question you or i tell you oh no it's fine it took me a long time to just being paranoid yeah it's just yeah just blame it on it's easy to blame it on anxiety stuff like that where now it's just like okay like i believe you every single time i've said this isn't this person i'm not vibing with this person there's something about them or this couple or something i've never been wrong ever and so i've really just been there's you know not everybody's going to be for you there's so many people out there a lot of it is the difference between a man's brain and a female's brain like you pick up on different things than i pick up on them like you are definitely more emotionally intelligent than i am and so you see things in a different from a different scope than i do and where I would see something where it's just a couple just kind of play you know barking back and forth or something like that you see it as nope red flag like like that's not play fighting that's real fighting I'm like oh there's like deep issues going on there yeah something bigger is going on and i said there's another couple out there for you you don't have to spend all your time and energy and focus on trying to fix people and trying to you know just some people are just people some people aren't the greatest some couples aren't just aren't it yeah and just go with your gut if you see anything that makes you feel uneasy or you just don't like you don't have to be a part of it and you can remove yourself quietly nicely remove yourself you can it's all as simple as we've done that we were actually pretty good at doing that from the beginning no because we had some people with red flags that were very aggressive in the beginning yeah we had to politely just remove ourselves without really just hurting like being like no all right mistake number five believing jealousy doesn't exist and more so on that like if you're a good swinger oh jealous oh yeah good swingers just believing that jealousy is just such a bad thing and a horrible thing and i've said it once i've said i'll say it a million times more it's a basic human emotion yeah people say if you're jealous you shouldn't be in the lifestyle you're horrible at the lifestyle if you feel jealousy and that I never got that like how are you horrible at a lifestyle yeah I know and how do you yeah I never everybody has their own journey again jealousy is normal jealousy is okay what you do with it?
Also, sometimes it takes couples to get into the lifestyle to actually find out it's not for them. No, it's not for everyone. We're not trying to sell it to everybody. It shows how comfortable they are in their relationship that they are willing to explore it and then recognize that, okay, this really isn't for us. And then they step back. It's that simple. Jealousy happens.
yeah jealousy happens jealousy exists even in the tightest most solid couples your jealousy is a thing you felt it i've felt it it's a thing that pops up yeah it's gonna happen so that's not true not true and for the next segment we have gotten a list of stuff a lot of people interacted and submitted their own mistakes that they've made and lessons that they learned, so I have a list of those. Number six would have and was going to be also on the list. I was between the last one and this one, and it's taking one for the team, and I've gotten that so many times.
So many people have made that mistake. Including us.
Yeah, including us every i think everybody has to say i feel like we've all been there so my favorite stories are because we've both done it we've both more than once we've made the mistake yeah but they're so nice right we we always say they're so nice but my favorite ones are when we don't we misread each other's cues and we both take one for the team and then we don't realize it till after the fact we uh we've learned that lesson that was a lesson i wanted to add that to my list and it was almost on there and i knew everyone was going to be coming back with that one because i think most all of us have been in a situation where they're not a hundred percent turned on with the person yeah they can sit and everything but we've all been there and we try not to make that mistake anymore that's one that we definitely my favorite i'll look at you and be like we ain't we're not doing that we're not we're not doing that we stopped doing some of my favorite stories that we still laugh about or when like we're both taking one for the team when we realize it in the middle of a play session and we look each other and we both have to go you ready?
you ready? you good?
ready go and get it in the middle of a play session and we look each other yes um the next one is one that someone said never play with more than you can handle one guy can't realistically pleasure four women at the same time so it took me a long time to just have like to be with two women at one time it's a lot going on there's a lot because yeah like it's that's a that's a lot of work that's a lot of work i mean every man knows and woman knows that the female orgasm is completely different than the male orgasm takes much more time and it takes a lot more attention and to just get one female to orgasm when you have two like two not just two but two straight women that don't like it's different if they're bi because then they play with each other and like it's a you know but two straight women that are just strictly focused on you that is hard that is hard to balance yeah because then like i you're literally trying to pleasure everybody at once.
It's a lot. I'm telling you, it is a lot. It's a lot. Not for everybody. It's not. All right. Hey, beautiful. If you're looking to feel confident and sexy, Voluptuous Fixin has got you covered with stunning lingerie and outfits that fit every curve. And for our listeners, you can snag 10% off your order with code HOTCOUPLENGA at checkout. Don't miss out. Check out the link below and find your next favorite piece. The next one is invite a couple to your house on your first date. I already know how that could go bad. Yeah, we've never done that. We've never done that.
But we have been to a couple's house on the first date it's their house yeah we have it was just as awkward for us as i'm sure it was for them because they had never done anything lifestyle they were super new and we just were like hanging out at their house yeah it was late at night yeah after the bar it was yeah though so that one like we went to their head like we did play with them yeah but it we went to their house two or three times before we actually because no one could get i never like i never got the vibe that to start play you have to make the move but they were so new and so young they were young they were very young and they we were at their house and so yeah but yeah it always makes it awkward i mean that's why i would definitely always prefer to meet at a restaurant or a club or a place that's neutral a good space where you can excuse yourself a little bit easier it's a little harder when you're at your own house especially because you have to kick people out of your home pretty much and be the nicest possible doing it yeah it always makes also heard horror stories of it going bad and like the couple getting in fights like physical altercations and then the first date you don't even know the people at all so you have no idea who in the heck or what they're like together their chemistry and yeah yeah just don't do that yeah don't recommend you're out of time and then never change rules when you're drunk or in the middle of play yeah never that's a big yeah huge one that definitely should be on there definitely do not break rules when you're in the middle of whatever yeah you're not going don't change things don't you're not just boundaries in the middle of play even if you're completely sober that is not the time to be like hey i'm going to do this now yeah hope you're okay with it yeah like that's not the time or place to have that conversation that's you stay within the boundaries and then afterwards you can that's a conversation you can have a later time like hey i think i want to try this next time i know we've talked about it but how do you feel about it now that we have a little bit it's always okay to adjust and yeah boundaries and everything but definitely don't do it when you're under the influence when you can't know and when you're in those are later conversations and do it in private every 90 of the time your boundaries and rules are going to adjust because but they're also there for a reason and exactly to address that reason in the middle yeah stuff like that is just not but not a good time when you're adjusting your boundaries that means the reason that boundary was there is no longer a problem yeah you don't change the boundary just to make your partner happy either it's you're changing the boundary because you're both comfortable comfortable with it yeah then you want to move from okay never hard swap with a couple that indulges in substances that we aren't comfortable consuming and that goes back to just same with the last one anytime you're under the influence of anything you can't consent and also it's not fun it's sloppy yeah it's not it's usually not a good time anyway if you're yeah if people aren't in the right frame of mind and everyone's not present i definitely prefer sober and at least you know for the most part yeah i definitely prefer sober like a couple drinks is fine but past that it just starts to get a little bit not fun because once yeah a couple drinks is fine that's just like a social lubricant but when you get to that anything not that or too much of, you're, it's not like, you don't feel anything.
Yeah. Everything goes, you're not experiencing the sensations and everything that you want to feel because you're not all there. Which is not good.
Don't yeah don't do it the next one not discussing the experience afterwards yeah you definitely need to unpack and some people prefer not to know details and not to talk about it but i let's say i can only speak from our experience and it's we enjoy watching each other so when we talk about it it's like reliving those moments so it's might be different people don't love to hear details and hear the you know the ins and outs about everything that someone does but for overall the experience as a whole it's good for you and your partner yeah to discuss that part i do i think it's part of growing and part of being in the lifestyle and evolving and stuff it's good get it out there and just talk about your experience you don't have to if that's your thing you don't have to get into well it's the nitty-gritty kind of goes back to your wants and needs and desires no i wanted my i desired this i wanted this i got this you know this happened didn't love it let's uh not do that anymore or for a while it's just yeah yeah you're listening to a podcast right now, walking the dog.
If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With RSS.com, starting your own podcast is free and easy. Upload an episode and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads just like this. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start your new podcast for free today at rss.com. This episode is sponsored by Eureka Ergonomic. Most people with a home office share a common problem.
You design a beautiful space, but end up with a standing desk that feels more like equipment, not furniture. Suddenly, everything feels cold and out of place. Eureka Ergonomic is different. Eureka Ergonomic designs standing desks, chairs, and full office setups that actually belong in your home, with warm materials, clean finishes, and thoughtful details that elevate your entire space. And it's not just about looks. Eureka Ergonomic delivers smooth height adjustment, rock-solid stability, and built-in ergonomic support.
With Eureka Ergonomic, you don't have to compromise between style and performance. You get both. Upgrade your space with Eureka Ergonomic at eurekaergonomic.com. All right.
And then the big one one another big one that was going to make my list as well is jumping into fast rushing thin things instead of easing your way into the lifestyle and i think that's a big mistake that a lot of people make i think yeah everybody gets very excited yeah we always talk about that cocaine effect it's very it's a rush get into that environment and you kind of get consumed and you start doing things that you think is okay but what before you talked about it like you're just assuming it's okay yeah and you're jumping you're jumping in way too fast you're going in in head first.
Usually without any communication. Without communication. And it's nine times out of ten it ends badly. No. Slow down. It's not a race. We always say that's one of our biggest tips that we tell everybody is to just. If you're vibing with a couple and one of you isn't ready to swap or play with anybody else. No. It vibes there you're going to have another chance yeah you'll connect and the more you connect and the more often you see each other and the more you're around each other you don't have to do sexually but that does help in the long run yeah get comfortable and be yeah be and be And be.
All right. And for the next segment, we're going to talk about unspoken lessons no one warned us about. And we're going to warn you guys about. That's what we're here for. First one is the lifestyle won't fix a broken relationship. Yeah, 100%. It will expose.
Just like having a kid to save your marriage same idea yeah it's not going to it's not going to make it any better it's only going to amplify all of the things now people think in the beginning it is helping yes because there's that honeymoon face that yeah excitement and they hot people everywhere and then your sex with your partner is really hot because she turned on yeah because it's just sexy and yeah but that's when relationships become sex-based which sex is an important part of your relationship, but it can't be sex-based. Yeah. Yeah.
And that's where it's going to expose a lot of the fractures in your relationship. Will not save your marriage. No. You need to be going into this lifestyle with a strong foundation. Oh, yeah. Or you are going to be in trouble. You can build the best house in the world, but if the foundation there it's just going to crumble no no no all the old people sayings all the things that all the old sayings all the cliches all the things that applies here definitely work on your foundation before you build on it because it will yeah 100 expose all the cracks faster.
And then the next one, friendships can get messy. I feel like they can. Especially when you involve people that don't have strong foundations and have. Right. That's what I was going to get at. I was trying to word that.
is people it's well they don't have strong foundations and have right that's what i was going to get at i was trying to word that is people it's well they don't have strong foundations and other people that don't understand the boundaries that you and your partner have and they cross your boundaries because you need to set boundaries for your friends as well as yeah and then so you don't when you don't trust your friends then you you try and bring it up to them if they're not good they get defensive and yeah it can be any other friendship you have to work and you know put effort into it and it's complicated and it can get messy but then you add sex on top of it and marriages and relationships and stuff so the chance of things going bad or a little bit higher and you know set those boundaries with your friends or even non-lifestyle friends you should be setting boundaries yeah all of our friends know that we put our family first that we are usually 99 of the time busy with kids and life and work and family and all of that and it's hard to get together and it's not the easiest and we do struggle to get date nights in and stuff with people and you have to be a little bit more patient with us because we do this is what we do for fun yeah this is most part this is our free time yeah we don't have that much of it so we try to as much as possible help you know we do share it with you guys but it is a little bit more complicated and stuff so set those boundaries and make sure that you yeah that kind of goes back to the part where your boundaries like set your boundaries before you even get into it everybody period with everybody with everyone yourself everyone everyone else all the boundaries yes and then handling lifestyle burnout because that's a real thing yeah and it's okay to take breaks i know we know a lot of couples that do take breaks but hot take though hot take we actually discussed this not too long ago we had a late night discussion on this but i feel like if you i don't know i don't want to make anyone mad but i think that if you step away from the lifestyle and you stop being in the lifestyle that usually is a red flag for me i don't know i think a lot of the couples that say that they're taking a break from the lifestyle are are there's it's yeah we did talk usually a marriage issue yeah there's usually also and it's okay to not like actively swing and not go to events and not go to clubs and not do all of that but to remove yourself completely from being a swinger in the lifestyle and stuff that yeah when you completely ostracize yourself for a while and then come back like nothing happened it's always a red flag that's a that is a red flag because we build real friendships in the lifestyle yeah if any of our friends in the lifestyle just all of a sudden just stopped communicating with us and said well we're not in the lifestyle like well i thought we were friends yeah yeah i think because the definition of lifestyle is it's your lifestyle it's's the way that you live.
Yeah, that is something. Another hot take. Hot take. We all, people call this a hobby. Yeah. But it's a lifestyle. When can everybody just own it? You know what I mean? For some people, they do it once a year and they go to Hedo and come home.
And it like a but so i feel like that's the day for me again that's there between the lifestyle and swingers and being a swinger yeah yeah or being like a exhibition like i don't feel like those two words are synonymous yeah i think if you're saying lifestyle that you're not monogamous it's part of who you are as a human being so yeah and it's i mean it's okay to not go to events and not go to parties and not do all of that and everything else and it's okay to take breaks and it is overwhelming i get that i do but yeah it can be a lot not just emotionally and physically but financially oh yeah oh yeah it's not cheap it is expensive not cheap to be here no so yeah i get people taking breaks but it's the people that have to feel like they have to announce it yeah yeah that yeah it's the people that it's the same people that like focusing on their marriage usually it's because there's something in the marriage and that's okay to do that and focus on the marriage but yeah it should be something that you're doing every day anyway yeah like i don't know i guess it's just hard to understand when it is such a part of our life because we've taken breaks i'd say we've stepped away but we're still in the lifestyle like we still talk to our friends we're still swingers we still are swingers we whatever you want to say yeah we did we were actively like playing and going to the club or clubs and takeovers and stuff like that but we're still with our like talking yeah with our circle and our friends and being because we are real friends yeah they're real friends period people that announced their exit and then cut everyone off that tells me that you don't want anybody to see what's actually going on yeah just a red flag just and it's not and red flags aren't don't mean it's like end all be all it is just a little thing to keep an eye on that's what i always try to help people get so defensive when i say that's a red flag it doesn't mean that it's it's not it's toxic or it's a no or completely shut down it's just something that i keep an eye on and again with that gut feeling it's just something that i i watch and i look and i observe and everyone has red flags warning everyone has red flags oh i have so many yeah like i have red flags you have like we all have red flags it's just a warning just a little huh i feel like they're more cues onto if are you going to mesh with that person or not.
Yeah. And everyone's like, are their red flags not copacetic with your red flags? That's okay. That's okay. That's all right. Hey there, listeners. Are you looking to prioritize your sexual health and wellness? We've got just a thing for you. Shameless Care offers at-home testing kits, telehealth consultations, and even treatment for ED and performance anxiety for when you want to play but your body says otherwise. It's convenient, discreet, and all about keeping you at your best. And guess what? We've teamed up with them to give you an exclusive discount.
Use code HOT, that's code H-O-T, at checkout to get $30 off your first order. Don't walk, run. It's time to take charge of your sexual health today. With shameless care. Because your health is nothing to be ashamed of. Alright. Next segment. What would you tell your past self? If we could go back in time. What advice would you give yourself? Like how far back in time? Probably the beginning, I'd say. Like the lifestyle? First day. Or like 18? No, lifestyle. Lifestyle. Because if it was my 18, you're not going to believe this shit. Lifestyle. Well, hang on. Just wait. But not lifestyle?
I would tell my younger self what we say every single week. It's not that serious. Don't make it weird. There's a reason why I say that. It's not just something that we say. It's part of our everyday phrase. We say it all the time. I would say that, oh, you are attractive.
People do find find you attractive your penis is big enough what else get comfortable being uncomfortable it's okay to be uncomfortable we've said that one way before lifestyle okay to be comfortable uncomfortable that's when the best things happen when you're uncomfortable yeah don't be afraid to voice how you feel or what you want your needs your wants how you're feeling yeah you're uncomfortable anything at all be comfortable speaking up for yourself and standing up for yourself because you do and you will have to in the lifestyle you will have to be a voice for yourself and your partner and your friends and the lifestyle in general we are but don't be so scared it's okay to not like things to like things to have an opinion it's okay yeah it's no it's okay to have an opinion yeah it's okay to not be okay with everything their emotional response isn't your responsibility yeah and it's an us thing that's all that matters nothing else matters and sometimes that does help me to step back and say that to myself and realize like none of this matters that much as long as you and him are okay it's an us thing that's all that really matter yeah all of this little stuff as long as work good means nothing yeah yeah the world's good that's it all right what are what do you think is the biggest mind shift that we've had over the last five years Thank you.
yeah the world's good that's it all right what are what do you think is the biggest mind shift that we've had over the last five years lifestyle our biggest shift i feel is we recognize the emotions that happen and the fact that it's okay to have emotion i think we spent so long just no emotion no emotion no feeling we fought it we did for and the fact that we were feeling a certain way or that we're close with people we felt guilt about it yeah it's like we're not supposed to do this scary i'm only supposed to have emotions for you yeah no emotions for anyone else but it's it's recognizing that there's different types you're listening to a podcast right now driving working out walking the dog if you're into podcasts chances are you have something to say too with rss.com starting your own podcast is free and easy upload an episode and we distribute it to apple podcasts spotify amazon music and more track your listeners see where they're from and start earning from ads just like this if you've been thinking about starting a podcast this is your sign.
Start your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads just like this. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start your new podcast for free today at rss.com. This episode sponsored by Eureka Ergonomic. Most people with a home office share a common problem. You design a beautiful space, but end up with a standing desk that feels more like equipment, not furniture. Suddenly, everything feels cold and out of place. Eureka Ergonomic is different.
Eureka Ergonomic designs standing desks, chairs, and full office setups that actually belong in your home, with warm materials, clean finishes, and thoughtful details that elevate your entire space. And it's not just about looks. Eureka Ergonomic delivers smooth height adjustment, rock-solid stability, and built-in ergonomic support. With Eureka Ergonomic, you don't have to compromise between style and performance. You get both.
Upgrade your space with Eureka Ergonomic at eurekaergonomic.com of emotions and emotions are again natural and they're gonna happen and feelings happen and it's okay i think that's been the biggest shift not the enemy because we would in the very beginning like if we started getting too close to people we would just ghost we would be like this is too this is getting too serious it's getting too serious it's too scary and yeah we would just run and now i found myself i with people we've met recently like Thank you.
it's getting too serious it's getting too serious it's too scary and yeah we would just run and now i found myself i with people we've met recently like i you even said that to me because i was like i forget what i was saying one day and i was going i was having a moment and you were like you're starting you're trying to pull back from them oh yeah yeah i forget what i call you on that shit now yeah i forget what i exactly said and i was like it's getting too scary so you're you're starting to put that wall back up because i'm starting to like you know analyze it and getting a little too scared of things and then you're like there you are trying to run them off again so i have to remind myself and it's good to have somebody that keeps you check in check too yeah i don't say it like in a bad way no no no it's literally just that it's literally just like because i i recognize it yeah so you recognize because you do it so naturally that's what i've always done you've always done it don't let anybody in block your heart block the wall up yeah and so yeah i do tend to fall back on that and i have to remind i have you to remind me well you called me out on my yeah just different yeah different thing yes and then one piece of advice for new people ending the lifestyle off of all of that you say my I would say to anybody new single or in in a relationship, that it's not a race.
Yes. Slow down. There's always going to be plenty of time to... Plenty of people you're going to find. And plenty of people. And... Be patient. You're going to find... I know it's...
Depending on where you live and who you're hanging out with and the clubs you're going to and the places you're going it might take you a long time to find your people and it might take you a long time to find somebody to swap with or to even be interested in swapping with and that's okay there are people out there i promise you every shape every color every size oh yeah everything you will find your people that are into the same stuff that you're into they're out there sometimes it just we're lucky we live in a really populated area full of swingers and we're very very spoiled with the clubs and the events and all the things here but if you live in you know arkansas or iowa or somewhere where there's nothing you're gonna have a little bit harder time finding your people but i promise that they're out there they're very discreet yeah i promise they're out there because you're in the bible belt you're gonna have to just search a little bit harder be patient you know just in general another i got another one too and this again for singles or couples is understand that as a couple or a single person, you're being invited into another couple's dynamic relationship.
So understand your place and your purpose and your purpose. Why you're all there and what. Yeah.
And that purpose can vary and that reason can change but just understand that you're being invited into that other couples or people's dynamic yeah it's kind of a big deal yeah no just be respectful exactly be kind be a good human just be nice really it's very simple as that put yourself out there too like don't be afraid to just go out there and say hi and to talk to the person and everyone's like oh they're out of my league don't or do you know how many times that i've been out of my league in this last five years do you know how many times i looked at him and be like what is happening right now i would have never imagined it it's all a vibe it's all energy it's all a personality thing it's yeah it's so much we've pulled some dime pieces together we've looked at each other yeah yeah there's been moments where we're like just mind-blowing speechless type thing i mean it it's just about it's about so much more than looks and about the perfect body or the perfect whatever face or smile or eyes or whatever really person i would say this again it's confidence confidence it's find your confidence yeah there's a if you believe it they're all going to believe it so whatever you believe is going to be what it is but if you're going to believe it yeah because if it's it's exist if it's disingenuine you're everybody's gonna see you're right through it oh yeah yeah you have to believe it with your gut yeah whole heart and everyone it will be period yeah and that's i mean i know it sounds insane but watch you just watch you just watch go out there confident everyone else will believe in you too and everything that it is that you want to be you can be in this lifestyle and that's probably one of my favorite things there's someone for everyone and nobody is out of your league i promise no i promise there's not a that's not a thing here it's all about the chemistry and the vibes and humans be kind be good just be a good person and be friendly you know be charismatic go make friends smile make eye contact just be yourself be yourself yeah all right and then for the last segment the best decisions we have ever made redemptions these are our redemptions learning to walk away and saying no we're back to that pretty much yeah and it's come full circle it's okay to realize this is not something that i want this is not something or someone that i'm interested in and there is power in just not and saying no and speaking out for yourself or your partner or both of you and saying it's not just speaking up with other people it's speaking up with your partner yeah and to yourself recognizing that you don't this isn't something you want personally and then going from there you're choosing what you want and what you don't want and say have power in that even negative emotions Thank you.
going from there you're choosing what you want and what you don't want and say have power in that even negative emotions can be turned into positive emotions that's okay yeah like even if you're having a bad experience and you step away from it and you eventually figure out why it was a bad experience for you why you didn't like it no and then you go from there and you grow and then the next big one is surrounding ourselves with the right people and that has changed yes pretty much everything in this past year or so we've really re-evaluated a lot of our relationships and our friendships with people and who we surround ourselves with and we stepped back and we were like is this really what we want is this really who we want to be associated with is this really what we're wanting and we've we definitely have rekindled old friendships that we realize were very valuable we've taken a step back from some friendships that were not serving not serving yeah not yeah and we've built some new amazing friendships yeah it's amazing what you attract when you allow it yeah when you are just being yourself and you just put that wall down and you just become authentic and you are who you are you attract that yeah and it's amazing how you can attract that just from being yourself and you'll find the people come to you it's like a magnet as soon as you put yourself out there and you just be your true self you'll find people that gravitate towards you that love you and that just it's good it is it's a good thing that was the best thing we've built a pretty good tribe i'm not gonna lie yeah it's the 3 a.m no questions asked shovel yeah i could call shovel type of people yes and not only people and friends and everything but the people you play with itself not settling for just anything yeah and any well and i think now because we're surrounding ourselves with people that we're comfortable with who we are ourselves with it allows for the conversations to happen and to fulfill fantasies that aren't possible with that certain level like yeah just people yeah so the more comfortable you get the more fantasies you get to explore it's a whole new world yeah 100% I'm 10 out of 10 recommend 10 out of 10 I'm here for it and the last thing I would have to say is embrace the fun and not the pressure yeah yeah if you're feeling a lot of pressure expectation expect and those usually come from expectations what happens when that doesn't happen?
You can either get pissed off. We know people who go in with super, super big expectations and then they leave not fulfilling those expectations. And then in turn. They throw a fit. They're all a tantrum. Yeah. We've seen full-blown tantrums from these people that are like this but it makes total sense though from if you go back a few weeks when i talked to jim we learn everything emotionally by the age of eight if we don't work on ourselves after that we are responding at an emotional level of an eight-year-old temper tantrum.
We see, so they haven't, they're not doing, and that's another red flag is, oh, you're not doing the work on yourself. You're not actually finding why you're trying to figure out why you're having these feelings. You're just blaming it on everyone else.
That's usually the thing they deflect onto someone else yep take it out on yeah unfortunately their partner and their person yeah unfortunately and that's where you start seeing relationships crumble yeah yeah that's the gist of all the most common list of stuff people regret the biggest mistakes they've made stuff that we're hearing all the time on social media and DMs and emails and podcasts, comments and all of that. That's pretty much the big... I know there's so many more. If you think of anything else, DM us, drop us, comment down below, YouTube, wherever you're watching this.
Yeah, you can put a comment just about anywhere nowadays. Social media, DM us, and we have email. There's so many different ways to reach us but if you have more we're always up for continuing episodes and talking more about these things and hopefully helping you avoid some of these mistakes that we've made others have made along the lines and try to give a couple cheat codes to make it easier yes we don't want anybody to make the mistakes. We've been learning some hard lessons. There we go. That's what I was trying to say. Learn some hard lessons. We're trying to help you out.
But next week's episode, we will be live at Secrets. It's going to be exciting with the motherfucking leaves. I'm so excited. We're finally going to have them on the podcast. We're probably going to sit down together.
Yeah, yeah in person we've talked about them pretty much every episode for the last they've almost been on our podcast quite a few times so but something's always happened and keeps testing us so we're finally going to sit down with them we have two days with them at secrets and then we'll be there for five days so we should have time we're We're going to probably do another podcast as well while we're there. Us wrapping up the weekend and all of that too. So definitely look forward to all of social media. We're going to be having all the secrets things, all of the TikToks and Instagrams.
And we'll have all of that coming here soon. And that's really the big thing going on right now secrets is kind of a big deal it's pretty pretty huge event for us two three times a year so we're excited to be there and do that and have time together and spend a week in florida it's always a good time but if you enjoyed this episode make sure that you leave a review and share it with your friends comment below like all the things do all the stuff please share and remember Leave a review and share it with your friends. Comment below. Like all the things. Do all the stuff. Please. Share. Please.
Please. And remember. It's not that serious. Don't make it weird. We love you guys. And we will talk to you next week. Bye. Bye.
This episode sponsored by Eureka Ergonomicomic most people with a home office share a common problem you design a beautiful space but end up with a standing desk that feels more like equipment not furniture suddenly everything feels cold and out of place eureka ergonomic is different eureka ergonomic designs standing desks chairs and full office setups that actually belong in your home with warm materials clean finishes and thoughtful details that elevate your entire space and it's not just about looks eureka ergonomic delivers smooth height adjustment rock solid stability and built-in ergonomic support with With Eureka Ergonomic, you don't have to compromise between style and performance, you get both.
Upgrade your space with Eureka Ergonomic at eurekaergonomic.com.
