In this episode of Hot Couple Chronicles, Russ and Ashley talk to Bobby about how he and his wife revitalized their marriage after being advised to divorce. They discuss the importance of self-improvement, effective communication, and their entry into the lifestyle. Bobby also shares their current work in coaching couples and future aspirations.Special thanks and music credit to our friend @nominalfilter on Soundcloud! Upcoming EventsSwinger Society Secrets Takeover- Sold out! Click here for info on Available Rooms!SPECIAL GUEST LINKS-Website: http://www.tangledheartspod.com/-Facebook: @Tangled Hearts Podcast-TikTok: @tangledheartscoaching-Instagram: @tangledheartsllcFollow Us - Instagram: @hotcouplechronicles- TikTok: @hotcouplechronicles - YouTube: Watch our video episodes More Socials- Facebook: @ThatHotCoupleInGA- Instagram: @HotCoupleInGA- TikTok: thathotcouple_inga Find Your Community- SDC: Code 36775 for 2 free weeks! - 3Fun: Connect with local swingers!- Swinger Society Discord: Join 40,000+ swingers! -The Playground: Join the new, hottest lifestyle community!Health Resources- Shameless Care: $30 off ED meds or STI testing!Premium Sites- Ashley’s VIP OnlyFans (all content included)- Ashley’s PPV OnlyFans - Ashley’s Fansly
Transcript
You're listening to a podcast right now, driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With RSS.com, starting your own podcast is free and easy. Upload an episode and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads just like this. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start your new podcast for free today at RSS.com. Welcome to Hot Couple Chronicles, a podcast exploring the swinging lifestyle.
Our discussions may contain explicit content and adult themes intended for mature audiences. While we strive to offer valuable insights and entertainment, please be aware that the views expressed are based on personal experiences and opinions. We encourage listeners to approach the content with an open mind and to prioritize communication, consent, and respect in their relationships. Remember, everyone's journey is unique. So take what resonates with you and leave what doesn't. Thank you for joining us on our adventure. I'm Russ. And I'm Ashley. And this is Hot Couple Chronicles. Welcome back.
Welcome. We have a special guest today. We're excited. We get to talk to someone other than each other for once, and we are here for it. We're so pumped. And it is Bobby. We have Bobby here with us today. He's going to tell us all about his story. They ended up, him and his wife, were told to just call it quits, to just give it up by a therapist, and just turned it all the way around, and now is on that side. Welcome. Yes. Hey, thanks for having me, guys. So just tell us more about you. Yeah, tell us about you. Yeah. So, you know, 2016, my wife and I got remarried.
This is both our second marriage together. Well, not together, but combined, we have seven kids. So that go from 32 down to 18. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, it's a gap. It's a gap. And so, you know, the back in 2016 is when we got married. We met in 2015. So we had a really quick, I mean, we went from dating to married, like bam, bam, like super fast. And then we, you know, two years in, in 2018, man, you know, and I'm not saying anything out of turn.
If Steph was standing right here next to me, as a matter of fact, she's in the next room probably listening to me right now you know i'm not saying okay she she doesn't know so she you know we we we got married too fast we should have taken our time but in two years into the marriage man we this day we were in a rough spot is is putting it mildly and so we went to a licensed marriage therapist and on the very first time that we were meeting with him he interviewed us together and then he separated us. Then whenever I came back into the room, he told us, he goes, you know what?
You don't have any kids together. You might as well just call it quits now. No harm, no foul. Just call it quits. Wow. You guys are just incompatible. And it shocked me because I'm like, man, I... was expecting a counselor to, you know, yeah, help us do this. Yeah. Make, you know, make some money at least, you know, make, track it out for two or three at least. Yeah. Yeah. No, first time he was like, yeah, just, you know, you guys, you guys just need to call it quits. And so it took us, it shocked us. Yeah.
And so we were driving home, both of us were in tears and we looked at each other and, said, you know, I just can't, I'm not going to just call it quits. And so we kind of just started our own journey of trying to figure out how, how does somebody's marriage who is literally on the brink of divorce heal and then come back together and, and have a better marriage on the outside. So, yeah. So we, we just started that journey and, and, We started counseling and coaching couples together. And to date, we're... I think we're... I mean, we started doing that in 2019. And to date, we're...
I mean, we're a couple hundred couples in. We've had people that come to us that just want to have a better marriage and learn how to communicate better to... people who literally had divorce papers in hand when they walk in and says, if this doesn't work, we're signing these papers, you know, no pressure. Yeah. Yeah. No pressure at all. We've only had, we haven't had anybody get divorced yet, but we, we've, you know, um, but yeah. So I probably just cursed us. Yeah. Don't say that. And be like, yeah, we're done. Yeah.
So, I mean, that's just kind of a real quick recap, but yeah, it's, that's just kind of our passion. Cause I, when I say we were on the brink of divorce, like it was, it was bad, bad. I was just going to ask what were the struggles that you were going through at that time? So I'll be, I'll be super honest. Um, I was caught in multiple affairs and I went out for a, I went out for, I was a realtor at the time. And I left my computer on my desk open and some Facebook message popped up and our desks were right next to each other. And so she just looked over and she's like, wait, what is this?
And it made her dig. And then, so yeah, I mean, when I say it was bad, it was bad, bad.
And it's a miracle that we're still together today and we're our marriage is fantastic it's better than it's ever been so and how did you get to that point that kind of in that did you go keep going to therapy did you find another therapist no you just do it all 100 on your own just 100 on her that's just just the two of us like we just started reading books and i actually enrolled in a couple of classes counseling classes so another piece of my history so you know my in a previous life in my first marriage, I was actually a pastor of all things. Here I am.
So you podcast, you know, but I was a pastor for a very conservative denomination. And even though I wasn't that good of a pastor, the part that I really did miss was being a counselor and just helping people and just coaching and counseling people. And so I went back to school to kind of re-up my counseling degree. And I just took what I was learning in school and applying it, you know, with steps. Yeah. That's impressive. Wow.
So through that journey, when everybody thinks of like marriage or relationship counseling, how much self-work versus relationship work did you like, because to me personally, especially through our journey and our relationship, I found myself doing more work on myself that I brought to our relationship versus us working on a relationship more. You know, if that makes sense. I am so glad you brought that up because I'm telling you, people are shocked because usually when couples come to us, they're there to fix the other person. Yeah. And then the very first rule.
So we have our, we have several rules, but the very first and like the hard and fast rule is where imagine a hula hoop down around your feet. And you can only fix the person inside that ring. So we always say stay in your circle because you can only fix yourself. You cannot fix another human being. So I'm glad you asked that because yeah, it is 100% working on yourself. Because here's what I found. When your partner sees you putting in the effort to work on yourself and they're putting in the effort working on themselves, it just drives you. It's like a magnet. It just drives you to go.
But whenever you're pointing... pointing at the other person, it repels them. Yeah. I do agree. I agree there. Yeah. A hundred percent. Cause I mean, to our journey, early in our journey, it's only natural to get, you know, feelings of insecurity, jealousy, all kinds of stuff. And we found like, we talked it out together, but I, we, we found that this is really not a them problem. This is a me problem. We got to figure out, I have to figure out what this, you know, what's triggering this feeling. Then after I figure that out, we can talk about it together. Like, okay, this is what I think.
What do you think? Exactly. Then that's exactly right. You know, what's funny is, is a lot of times it's so funny because most of the time, whenever we have couples come in, it's usually, usually not all the time. I don't like to generalize, but usually, it's the wife or, or the female dragging the male into the counseling session. Yeah. And after the second or third, it's usually the men that are like, just vomiting, you know, just, just burying their soul. And the wife is sitting there with the arms crossed, just like, I don't want to be here anymore.
You know, it's, it's, they feel comfortable. I think that speaks volumes about you and your wife, because, we're programmed as men to keep all that stuff in and internalize that. So giving a man a safe place where he can just word vomit speaks volumes about you guys, to be honest. Yeah. I mean, give him that safe space where he can say stuff without judgment. And that, that in itself takes a lot of work because it took us a long time to even get there because now we can just talk without filters with each other. But for the longest time, we were trying to shield each other.
Yeah, we were, I was so worried about hurting her feelings and I was actually hurting her feelings even more by not sharing. That's exactly right. Yeah. It's a lot of learning. Yeah. In your guys's journey of fixing your own relationship, when did you guys decide to actually help other couples? Honestly, it's when our sex got better. Yeah. And that, that's a story unto itself because When we started getting, when our intimacy started connecting better, all of a sudden we were like, holy crap, like this is good stuff. We need to share this. So we did it small. We had like four other couples.
We did like a group therapy type thing at first. And it was fantastic, you know, and everybody loved it. At first, everybody was a little like, I don't know about marriage coaching and groups. And then at the end of it, like, Those people still talk to each other to this day. And that was in 2019. And to this day, those four couples are like best friends. They always say, what's the key to being married so long? What's your key? And I was like, sex. That's it. What's the key? Through the 14 years of our marriage, we get in the rut of life. We have four kids. And work. And everything.
We can tell, like, if we start feeling a certain sort of way, it's like, all right, let's go fuck this up. There's nothing really going on. Yep. You're listening to a podcast right now, driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With rss.com, starting your own podcast is free and easy. Upload an episode and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads just like this. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign.
Start your new podcast for free today at rss.com. You're listening to a podcast right now. Driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With rss.com, starting your own is free and easy. Upload an episode, and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and iTunes. There's nothing going on. We just need to be together real quick. And that's the thing, too. That's what I discovered about the lifestyle, is when you're in the lifestyle, the communication is just so much.
better typically with people in the lifestyle because you can't be in the lifestyle and have shitty communication. Yeah. There's no fluff. There's no like pretending. There's no mask up. You will find the best human beings in the lifestyle because their mask is down. You don't have to have that barrier. You don't have to pretend. If you're having a day or you're having a time, people are just like, this is what's going on. This is how I feel. And it's just so much easier to navigate people that way and connect with people. Yeah. I never really like we first on the lifestyle.
I never expected to have as many heart to hearts as I have with people. Yeah. We talk about all of the things in between. Going all the way down to the nitty gritty. We'll be sitting up to breakfast together and we'll just be sitting about talking about like. Yes. To me. And just any of these crazy off the wall conversations is something that I always try to tell people not in the lifestyle. Like you just will never understand. They're just the people. It's.
the people the communication is so much better and deeper and meaningful more meaningful than yeah right well and I don't know about you guys but we always have to remind ourselves when we're out in public when we're with other lifestyle people because we're like oh yeah people are listening oh yeah get way too comfortable they start just vomiting so yes it's hard to it's hard sometimes well yeah I when we're like with a lifestyle like group and we go out in public with that group and we're not worried about outside people and no one's really filtered in that way.
I, I find it, I found it hilarious just trying to observe around and listen to the, watch the people that are actually listening to us and just see their facial expressions. We're having the best time. We're having the best time. Always. Yeah, and I've, I've done that too. When I notice other people's facial expressions, that's whenever it clicks for me, I'm like, oh, oh, we're having this conversation in public. Yeah, there's this is more children than the other table. Yeah. You see that kind of eye opening thing and then do one of these. Yeah. Yeah. You think you're being quiet too. Yeah.
And it's not. Yeah. You don't think you're being loud. You're just not whispering. Yeah. You're just talking. Hey there, listeners. Are you looking to prioritize your sexual health and wellness? We've got just a thing for you.
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And what are some tips on couples that are where you are and have been where you are and are struggling and going through it? And what advice would you give to them? Yeah. The biggest thing is, and this is so cliche, and this is one of the things that really helped Steph and I was, you know, everybody says communication is key and that is absolutely, but nobody tells you how, you know, They just say communication is key. Correct. And then they don't teach you or show you or tell you how do you communicate, especially when it comes to intimacy.
Like it's one thing to teach you how to communicate as a couple, you know, it's, and how do you, what is your communication style versus your partner's communication style? That's, that's pretty basic. And, and we do go through that. We teach you how to do that, but it's a whole other conversation.
Um, when you start talking about sex, sex and intimacy and I'm not just talking when I say intimacy I'm not just talking about physical intimacy I'm talking about emotional intimacy and spiritual you know it all it all plays together all of it and what happened is when we're sitting there we're talking about intimacy because personally we had been coaching couples for almost three years oh no almost four years like three and a half years before I finally got the balls to actually talk to step about my you know about intimacy like we would used to always just kind of touch on sex but we just didn't go deep into it with couples because we're like yeah you guys can figure the sex part out yeah what we were finding is everybody was like they had everything figured out but when it came to sex they still weren't talking about it with each other you know and and so we talk we create tools and kind of we try to make it fun you know create tools on how do you say what your fantasies are and feel like you're doing it in a safe place you know and a lot of times especially I think especially we've noticed with women men we say hey what's your fantasy and they're like man I want to have a threesome you know they just say it and women are like I really don't have a fantasy like I cannot tell you how often I hear that oh yeah women say yeah Yeah, you're right.
Now that you say that, I'm like, yeah, yeah, that does happen a lot. And so we're sitting there and so it, whenever we create a safe place where, where both people, both partners can actually sit there and say, you know, what their fantasy is, what are their wants, needs and desires sexually and they do it in a safe place.
You know, it helps having that, that third, person in the room with them sometimes because you know now they're telling a third person they're not saying it directly to their their partner so that kind of helps in some ways too we kind of like i said we we make it fun you know we kind of turn it into a little game you know saying okay you know okay and there's a lot of lead up to that we don't just jump into it you know day one hey let's talk about sex what yeah you know tell me your deepest darkest desire which But also, it's not that serious. Yeah. Yes.
And I've thought I've heard everything, but I've heard some that I'm like, you know, as a coach, I don't react to anything. You tell me, you know, whatever fantasy you want. I'm like, okay, let's talk about that. Inside, I'm like going, holy fuck. Like, what did you just tell me? Like, wow. I didn't even know that was humanly possible. But okay, let's go there. Yeah. A lot of them. So from your journey of repairing your relationship and helping others repair their relationship and finding intimacy again, how did that lead you to the lifestyle?
So we were actually heading to a coaching session and we were getting ready to have the sex talk with them. And I'm like, you know what? I, I, I set Steph down and I said, listen, I need to, I wouldn't be a good coach if I didn't practice what I preached. Yeah. Right. And I, and I told her, I said, listen, I said, here's, here's what I want, needs and desires. My fantasy is I want you to be a hot wife and, and I like to watch you get, get fucked. And I was like, in my head, I was like, she's either going to say crazy and run or she's going to be like, that's cool. Thank God.
She was like, she's like, really? I'm like, yeah. She goes, how many? And I'm like, as many as you want. She goes, I'm in. And I'm like, don't worry. So it sounds like she almost had some type of fantasy in that realm as well. She didn't share with you yet. That's right. That's exactly right. Like tapped into something. Right. Like we both had the same wants, needs, and desires. We just had never talked about it before. Just had never talked about it. You would have never known. So, What would you tell somebody that's interested in the lifestyle how to bring it up to their spouse?
Because we never had to have those discussions because we found the lifestyle by accident together and explored it together. We're like, I think I kind of like this. We're always asked all the time, how do I bring that up? That's like our number one question all the time. Only thing we can say is because we've had so many awkward and tough conversations. dealing with, you know, emotions and feeling a certain sort of way in the lifestyle. We just tell people you kind of have to just bite the bullet and bring it up. And you have to get comfortable being uncomfortable at some points.
Because if you're going to be completely honest with yourself and with your partner, you just kind of have to be able to do that. And I didn't know if you had another kind of a way that's just not straightforward. I'm a very head coach. I am just kind of like the Kool-Aid man when it comes to this stuff. But I know not everybody is. I think that, you know, because I'm the same way. And like the story I just told you, I was just like, well, I'm just going to, you know, say it and do it and let the chips all where they might. But I don't always recommend that for everybody.
Actually, I don't recommend doing that at all. It's good for people. Well, it scares people and people are afraid to do that because they're going to automatically assume that they're going to hurt their partner's feelings and make them feel that they're inadequate, which is never the case that I found.
I think if you're not in a place where you're communicating really well about sex at a very basic level, then I mean, I'm not self-promoting, use me or use somebody else, but you know a lot of times an intimacy coach is is a great way to to approach that topic and the reason why is because like i said it's it's a safe neutral space right with a third person who's non-biased and is just sitting there to just help you have the conversation there and and there's steps leading up to that like how is your communication at a basic level because i've run into it all the time and i know you guys have heard it too of people shaking that the lifestyle is going to fix their marriage.
Yeah. And it's not. It's going to, if anything, it's going to expose every crack in your relationship. Yes, exactly what we say. Because we said it makes or breaks your relationship, but it really exposes the fractures. And if you don't deal with them in the healthy way, then they will break. Yep. And that's where you hear the people like, my friends, cousins, you know, they were in the lifestyle and they divorced. 50 years. Yeah. 20 years. Well, how strong was their marriage to begin with if the lifestyle broke it?
Because everybody that's been in lifestyle for a long time that I see, their relationship is great. Rock solid. Rock solid. Yeah, but they're missing that one piece. Yeah. Yeah. And that's just the communication. I mean, honestly, it's, if they think that, and a lot of times those relationships You're listening to a podcast right now. Driving, working out, walking the dog... If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With RSS.com, starting your own is free and easy. Upload an episode and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and hundreds more.
Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads like this, even with just 10 listeners a month. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start free at RSS.com. they thought they were, you know, ready for it. Yeah. That's what I always tell people. I'm like, cause there's some people like, Oh, I just want to jump in. We're going to go to trapeze. You know, we're going to go to trapeze this week and we're just going to jump in. Like, you know, cause you're going to have men and women there. Let's, let's talk about this before you just jump in.
Yeah. It's overwhelming. A lot. We didn't have that. We found trapeze before we found the lifestyle. And we thought it was like a strip club or something like that. We're like, we saw there's a dress code. Like, all right, green flags. Like, let's go. Let's check it out. And we went in. We're like, don't recommend doing that. Lexington was pretty solid. Yeah, we were already pretty solid. So we just had a good time. And we really discovered our expeditionist side of what we liked. And they kind of just evolved from there, really. Yeah, I don't recommend, though.
And thank God that it was trapeze. being in the Atlanta area. For those of you who don't know, Treppy is just, I'm sure you've told your listeners before, it's a lifestyle club here in the Atlanta, Georgia area. But, I mean, as far as clubs go, it's phenomenal. Top tier. We've been to numerous clubs all around the country from New Orleans, Dallas, Nashville. And that is our number one club. And then we also had friends visit trapeze and they're like, you guys are spoiled. We have, we have a beach house down in Mississippi. That's only like 45 minutes from New Orleans.
So we go to Colette's down in New Orleans. Colette's in New Orleans is fantastic. But I love the whole vibe of that club. That's like our whole physical vibe. I love that library room they have. Oh my God. I love it. Yeah, the whole vibe. And that in the glass room with the circle bed is always a favorite. That is cool. Yeah, if you're an exhibitionist, that's the place to go. And we didn't know because that was the first Colette club we went to. We're like, oh, that's awesome. Well, apparently all the Colette clubs have that mattress in a classroom.
Because we went to the Colette in Dallas and that's where we had one of our massive orgies. And that's still like we, how many people were in there? Like 20, 30 people. It was nuts.
But we, I look, up and there was three people deep just on the outside of the windows i'm like if you like being watched look if not don't look looking for a fresh way to connect in the lifestyle welcome to the playground a modern space where open-minded adults meet explore and create unforgettable connections built for the lifestyle community the playground is where curiosity meets connection ready to join the fun click the link below and start your adventure with the playground today And how long have you guys been in the lifestyle for now?
So I, whenever I was single, so after my divorce, I'm like you, I kind of, I lived in a very, very small town in rural Colorado. And I was at a bar one night and a very attractive blonde lady walked up to me and she started hitting on me and we had drinks together. And she's like, Hey, you want to go back to the, our house?
And I was like, our house she goes yeah that's my husband sitting over there you know and I'm like whoa she goes no no he's cool with it and he you know he did the whole you know raised his glass to me and he's like no we're cool and I'm like yeah I had enough to drink I'm like let's try this and so I became their bull for a while then fast forward got married so in 2019 whenever I actually had that conversation or in 2020 I guess it was 2022 when I had a conversation with Steph that's when we got into the lifestyle together as a couple. Gotcha. So we're going on three years.
I have heard there's a pretty big community in like the Colorado area. Yeah. Like, yeah, they have some good events in Denver. I mean, I was on the other side of the state. I'll tell you a quick story. So it's funny. So my wife, me kind of having some history with in the lifestyle. Now my wife and I, whenever I first told her that, that, Hey, here's my fantasy. Here's what I want. Let's try this. And I even said, Dagvicton, hot wife, and she's like, what are these words you were telling me?
And, you know, so, of course, the lifestyle, we have like a whole, the whole dictionary of, you know, like, it's its own language. Acronyms too. Oh my gosh. MFM, FFM, MMS, MMS. We love our acronyms. Oh my God. I'm telling you. I was calling Steph a hot wife. She was like, she thought I was saying she's a hot wife. And I'm like, no, you're a hot wife. And so I had to explain that to her. And then she's like, but you've said stag and vixen too. And I'm like, okay, so I had to explain the difference between stag vixen and a cuckold couple. And so I'm like, we're not a cuckold couple. Yeah.
We've had to have that conversation with guys. Like they come in some some guys come in and they automatically assume that I want to be humiliated and I'm like nope put your pants on you're out they do that with him a lot too I'm like you're out it's crazy how many people actually assume that yeah it's because your wife plays that you want to be a cuck it doesn't necessarily I just enjoy watching like watching yeah we both love watching but I wouldn't consider you a cuck queen. Even though you're submissive and you like to watch, I wouldn't even consider you a cuck queen.
Because I like to watch doesn't make me a cuck. What throws me off and annoys the hell out of me is when somebody uses cuck or cuckold in a derogatory term. I'm like, no. That's not where we're going. You realize I know more cuckolds that are more alpha than you could ever be. Yes. Me too. It has nothing to do with any of it. But yeah, that's my biggest pet peeve when somebody that in 99% of the time they're not in the lifestyle, they have no idea what they're talking about. Right. They just think it's a misconception. Yeah.
Or they see it, see it on Pornhub and they, you know, and I'm like, okay, wait, that's, that's still porn. That's not real life. That's not right. What are like, obviously like promote your, We're going to share your links and everything in the show notes. But what are some green flags for coaches or couples, therapists for lifestyle friendly?
You know, like on our website, we don't just go out and say lifestyle, you know, if they listen to our podcast or they listen to, you know, some of the meet guests speaking on podcasts, you know, they automatically know and they go to tangledheartspod.com. And they kind of see, see all of that. But when you see, if you see a sex and relationship coach and there's a million of them out there, you know, first of all, make sure that they're actually certified because that to be counselor, you have to be licensed, but to be a coach, you get, anybody could just say, I'm a coach. Yeah.
So make sure that they have the training and the certifications to, to, you know, that they're going to mess things up. The one thing that I would say is the main question that I always get is the difference between coaching and counseling. And the way that I like to explain it is it's like mixed drinks. You know, counseling is like, all right, we're going to take some vodka and we're going to take some, and they're looking at all the recipe and they have the recipe.
Coaching is like, all right, here's how you actually put, I'll take all those Those things and mix it all together and then we're going to enjoy it. It's the now versus the past. Coaching deals with the now. Counseling deals with the past to help with the future. So coaching helps with the now. So if I have a, and it's not just couples, it's singles too. I have tons of singles. As a matter of fact, I probably have more singles than couples come to us. I was going to ask that question. Do you see more?
couples or singles a lot of times it's because of they're afraid to have the conversations that we're talking about with their partner it's not that they are single it's just that they're afraid and they don't know how and so they need coaching on how to have that conversation so a lot of times you know a single person will come in talk with us you know we'll coach them and then sometimes we'll even bring their partner in later and say okay let's do this together So, and nine times out of 10, you know, we don't ever, you know, just bring up the lifestyle.
We don't just talk about swinging nine times out of 10. When that intimacy conversation comes up, the lifestyle comes into it and they don't even know they're talking about swinging. It still shocks me how many people have no clue what swinging is. I mean, we can relate to that. Yeah. In my early years, for many years, I was with a cook. And I had no clue early on in my early 20s. He used to love watching me with his friends. He would just love watching me and he would love to be talked down on and treated less than. And he got off on that. But I had no idea.
I went years doing this and I just thought it was just something that he went into. I didn't know other people were into that. Well, I remember earlier in our relationship, you asked me if I wanted to do it. I'm like, nah. Doesn't sound like something I like. There's a lot more of us than you could ever imagine that are doing this. And you just don't hear. They just don't know that there's a term for it, that there's a lifestyle for it. Like me back then could never be in the lifestyle. I was not. I was not ready. I was not mature enough to handle myself in the lifestyle.
You know, and that's another part about being in the lifestyle. lifestyle that I absolutely love is it does mature you emotionally. It really does. I haven't seen anybody who's been in the lifestyle for any length of time that hasn't grown and evolved emotionally and intimately in some way. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me personally as a human being. I've grown so much. My emotional IQ was low. I had no idea. Also, I never even thought I was very hard nose, like straight to the point. I can be sympathetic. I couldn't be empathetic. I was incapable of it.
And really the last, you know, four, three, four years, like I've really gotten in touch with, Oh, okay. And I can read people so much better now. It's just crazy. It's like when you start growing that side to yourself. Yes. Yeah. And I would say that that's probably the best. One of the best.
I mean, the, fun is fun you know the sex is always fun well I can't say always there's there's times it's not so much fun oh yes but but we all have those stories the best part is the growth the personal growth kind of bringing it back to what we were talking it's like working on yourself like I cannot tell you how many people are like holy shit like I had no idea how self-centered I was yeah or how narcissistic I was and I hate that word narcissistic it's so over used and less than one person all the day every day yeah less than you're listening to a podcast right now driving working out walking the dog if you're into podcasts chances are you have something to say too with rss.com starting your own is free and easy upload an episode and we distribute it to apple podcasts spotify amazon music and hundreds more track your listeners see where they're from and start earning from ads like this even with just 10 listeners a month.
If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start free at rss.com. 1% of Americans are actually narcissistic. But like by talking to, you know, or by watching TikTok or anything, you'd think that everybody is narcissistic. Like, you know, the fact that you're calling people narcissistic kind of leans back to you being... That in itself is a red flag. Absolutely. Going back to the, you have seven children and three dogs. How in the heck are you focusing on each other and the lifestyle? So we're empty nesters, you know? Yeah.
We're actually, we just found out recently that we're going to be grandparents for the first time. So, we just found out as well. We're going to be for the first time. We also have a giant age. Our oldest is 21 and our youngest is eight. I was like, how are you doing it? But seven kids. This is impressive. I feel like there's always something going on. We thought we had a gaggle with four. Yeah, I'm telling you. So I have, yeah, the dogs are worse than kids. I swear. Like, oh. They are.
Every time we want to go somewhere or go travel or go do anything, we're like, okay, what are we going to do with the dogs? You know, at least with kids. Once they reach a certain age, you can just They're fiend for themselves. Yeah. They're self-sufficient to a certain age. Dogs don't do that. No. No. Are they a guy that's been an arm and a leg to board them or find somebody to watch them? Oh my God. I know. It's horrible. They're worse than an infant. You have a Yorkee named Kitty, you said. Yeah. I've got, so yeah, we've got two giant golden doodles.
And when I say giant, I mean, they're big dogs. And then we have this toy Yorkee that's like this. So his actual name is Harley. But we don't call him Harley because I call him Kitty because no dog should be that big. What's the story behind Kitty? Now that's a cat. Yeah, I'm like, well, what's funny is he actually will clean himself like a cat. Like he'll lick his paws and like, and we're like, oh my God, you're not helping your case here at all, man. Like, come on. We have a dog that's a cow. We get it. We call her Heinz 57.
But we're convinced he has some type of bovine in her because she actually... like a freak. She has to pasteurize. Like you see those like cows like playing on TikTok and stuff. I'm like, yeah, I found her dad. I found her family. She has to pasteurize every morning. She goes out in the field and has to pasteurize. That's so funny. She's a big dog. Oh my gosh. Oh, that's awesome. And then have your children noticed the changes in you guys and how did that kind of, that whole journey go with them and having all those outside influences?
You know, it, It's funny because neither one of us really talked about sex with our kids growing up and when they were growing up. And now we're like, we talk to them about everything. We're like, here's what we're doing. And they're like, oh, gosh, shut up. We don't want to know. But at the same time, it has opened up the communication with our kids. I was going to say, yeah. Because now that our kids are in relationships, especially our older children, you know, and they feel...
more welcome to come to us about and I've had to like kind of like I said temper my face I have to put on what I call the coach face you know because the kids come to me and they start talking to me and I'm like going okay we should not be on FaceTime right now because my face is going to give away that I'm like I don't want to talk to you about your sex life I have four beautiful blonde daughters and I'm like I really don't want to hear about what your boyfriends are doing to you but they're like you know which is awesome I mean, it's not a lot of parents.
Both parents don't have that line of communication with their children. And it's funny because kids go from like, they want to share everything with you to we know nothing to now our oldest is starting to come back. Like, why didn't you tell me? I'm like, we did. We did. You just didn't listen. Yeah. Now she can. So it's definitely, that's one of our biggest like criticisms. People are like, how are you in the lifestyle? You have children.
And I just never understood that our children, our so open-minded and can communicate efficiently and effectively and are just such better people for having parents in the lifestyle and having friends in the lifestyle that come around them and around them and I'm like it's not hurting I promise it's not hurting them we did have we did have to have those conversations and really all they cared about are are you guys happy are you guys safe they see that are you guys like is like you're still like you're not getting are you guys still married yeah and we're like are you okay?
And that's all they really cared about. And those, my kids asked the exact same thing whenever we came out to them. They were just like, are you happy? You're not getting divorced. You're not divorcing. Yeah. You guys are good? Well, then we don't care. You know, live your best life. We don't want to hear about it. We don't want to hear about it. We just have fun. Yeah. And this generation, like our older kids, they're so much more open-minded than we ever were. I don't know. Oh God, yeah. Oh God, yeah.
Because it's not that weird like where everyone's gonna be poly when i by in a couple years they're gonna have a whole bunch of compounds and all live together off the land like they're so weird for it we were talking to him i forget how what brought up the conversation but he's like yeah everybody's going to be like poly he's like we can't afford to live like just with one spouse like some of that cliche yeah and that we're talking about evolving the lifestyle kind of evolving you that's kind of where stephanie's relationship or is evolving because she actually has brought up you know polyamory a few times and she's like I don't know because she's still not cool with other women being in the room but she's like it would be really cool to have another woman you know in our life you know so it's starting to it's that conversation starting to be had we're finding that a lot of people are finding their couple of things we just had this conversation where we do have couples in the lifestyle that we're more of like, we call it swally.
We're not poly, but we're swingers, but we're so close that they're like family. And we're not poly. My next question is, where do you see yourself headed into the future? I know you got the podcast going and all of that, but where do you see your relationship? What's your goals for your business and all that?
coming honestly you know so i'm approaching my 50th birthday this next year so i'm like okay you know retirement is coming quickly and in my retirement i would love to just do this you know just coach full-time you know because coaching is is is my part-time gig you know i'm actually a mortgage i'm a mortgage guy in my everyday life which you know i i make my own schedule for the most part you know so i can do not a horrible gig Yeah. It's not terrible. It makes good money, you know, but I don't want to do it for forever.
But in the future, I would love to, for this to be kind of my, my permanent thing that I'm doing full time. And yeah, as far as our relationship goes, you know, it's so hard to say, you know, I can see Polly being a shank. And I like that Swally thing. Cause that's kind of where we are too. We've got kind of a couple, a couple of guys who we just kind of, made friends with them and they're just kind of in our lives. That went really fast. Yeah, I just looked up. That was almost an hour.
But before we get out of here, tell us again about your podcast, about your business, and anything coming up. Yeah, so our website is tangledheartspod.com and if you look us up anywhere you find, listen to your podcast, you know, we are Tangled Hearts and it's really easy. You know, our logo is Tangled Hearts. It's easy to find. And then we are on Instagram X. I still call it Twitter. I don't think I could ever not call it Twitter. But yeah, we are Tangled Hearts Pod on all the socials except for X. We are Hearts Tangled because Tangled Hearts was already gone.
But yeah, we would love, love for you to come by and visit. You can listen to our podcast on our website and leave comments and join discussions and things right there as well. Awesome. So we'll have that all below too so you can click all that directly from the show notes. And then you said you have a book coming up. I do. I have a book coming out in 2025. I think the publisher was saying that it'll probably be hopefully by February the book will be coming out. Yeah, it is coming past. I think now we're, we're just in like picking the covers and doing final edits and stuff like that.
But yeah, that's, that's going to be fun. And it's, and it's more for, it's a very, like I call it a 30,000 foot level look at how to communicate with, with your partner, both just at a very basic level, but going deep into intimacy as well. So kind of helps. It's just a, how-to book of how to get that conversation going. I love that. Yeah, I love that. Make sure you call on all the things so you can keep up with that. And thank you for being here. We appreciate you coming and sharing your story. I know it's not always easy. It's been my pleasure. Yeah. We love having you here.
It's been my pleasure. It's been a good conversation. We've had fun. Make sure that you come back next week. We're going to do all of the misconceptions and the great debate is what it's called. So it's Just a whole bunch of statements and things, misconceptions and myths about the lifestyle. Are we going to argue about them? Yes. So we're going to do that next week. Go fist the cup. That's the goal. I'm trying to spark something. But we appreciate you guys being here.
Make sure that you are liking all the things, giving us all the reviews, sharing all the stuff, following all the instas and the TikToks. We appreciate you getting our little podcast out there and getting people listening. Yeah, Pete, it's growing slowly. We're still brand new. It's growing, though, so that's exciting. We appreciate you guys being here, watching, listening, all the things. We love you guys so much. Yes. I also want to thank Bobby for coming in and having a really good talk with us. That was a nice conversation. Yeah.
To me, it just flew by because it was just talking to another lifestyle. Yeah, she was there to do this when you have other people to talk to, not just us telling stories we already Exactly. To each other. Exactly. No, I love that. It's nice to have guests. If you want to be on the podcast, make sure that you email us, DM us, get with us. And we want to talk to all of you guys. Definitely let us know. It doesn't have to be videoed on your end if you don't want to stay anonymous. And we can change the voice. We can do all of the things. The power of editing. Amazing. We love talking to people.
We love hearing people's stories. And we want to get all real lifestyle humans on here if we can. All of you. We want to hear all your stories and Tell all your journeys. Yes. But as always. It's not that serious. Don't make it weird. Bye. Bye.
