Welcome to this episode of Hot Couple Chronicles! This week, Russ and Ashley tackle one of the most frequently asked topics: jealousy. They delve into understanding jealousy, its sources, and various types, offering personal insights and tips on how to manage it within relationships. Special thanks and music credit to our friend @nominalfilter on Soundcloud!Special Guests Upcoming EventsMarch 14th-Saint PADDIES Day - PineapplesAfterDarkSwinger Society Secrets Takeover- Sold out! Click here for info on Available Rooms!Listen to some of our FriendsPineapples After Dark PodcastFollow Us - Instagram: @hotcouplechronicles- TikTok: @hotcouplechronicles - YouTube: Watch our video episodes More Socials- Facebook: @ThatHotCoupleInGA- Instagram: @HotCoupleInGA- TikTok: thathotcouple_inga- Backup TikTok: thathotcoupleinga4.0 - X (Twitter): ThatCoupleInGA Find Your Community- SDC: Code 36775 for 2 free weeks! - 3Fun: Connect with local swingers!-The Playground: Join the new, hottest lifestyle community!Health Resources- Shameless Care: $30 off ED meds or STI testing!Premium Sites- Ashley’s VIP OnlyFans (all content included)- Ashley’s PPV OnlyFans - Ashley’s Fansly
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You're listening to a podcast right now. Driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With RSS.com, starting your own is free and easy. Upload an episode, and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and hundreds more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads like this, even with just 10 listeners a month. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start free at rss.com. This week on Hot Couple Chronicles.
This week we are going to talk about something that we get asked about and is one of the main topics of all the questions and all the things that we get it's about jealousy if you're feeling jealous dig inside yourself yeah it's probably a you thing you have some kind of fear of abandonment or that they're someone's gonna be better than you or bigger than you or you know i've seen jealousy does some crazy stuff to people jealousy isn't your worst enemy it's what you do with the jealousy we always say this lifestyle can make or break your relationship and it does it very quickly we've noticed i mean you'll know pretty fast if it's gonna work out or not the ultimate prize is how close we've become what you get out of working through it and dealing with it and getting through jealousy and all the bad feels so you can have all the good feels together welcome to hot couple chronicles a podcast exploring the singing lifestyle our discussions may contain explicit content and adult themes intended for mature audiences while we strive to offer valuable insights and entertainment please be aware that the views expressed are based on personal experiences and opinions.
We encourage listeners to approach the content with an open mind and to prioritize communication, consent, and respect in their relationships. Remember, everyone's journey is unique, so take what resonates with you and leave what doesn't. Thank you for joining us on our adventure. I'm Russ. And I'm Ashley.
And this is hot couple chronicles happy wednesday happy wednesday thanks for coming back we appreciate you so last week we talked with robin lindsey and we covered your birthday weekend so now that you've had some time to let everything really soak in because we got it fresh fresh that we recorded it like in the midst of it no it was that was a lot to i was like overwhelmed in a good way but speechless still but i can't say i'm not any still it was such a good weekend i'm gonna do it again like every day well like another one right now i need to redo. I'm going to do it again. Like a redo.
Same. Well, I'm going to get another one right now. I need a redo. I'm ready. I'm ready. It's been a couple weeks. It's time to go back. But yeah, we're busy planning all sorts of plans with our friends. Everybody's like, when can we get together again? We need to see you now. So, I don't know. We'll see. Yeah, I just, this whole working every weekend thing really puts it down. Thank you.
can we get together again we need to see you now so i don't know we'll see yeah i just this whole working every weekend thing really puts a deeper on it i was like everybody's more than welcome to come over whenever anytime i'm here all the time but you won't be here so nope it's kind of a bummer i'll be here but i'll be in bed to sleep yeah or at work when you're up he works third shift weekend so kind of a buzzkill yeah that happens the fun fun killer but it's okay we're gonna have fun soon we got your birthday we got patty's weekend coming up tomorrow i will be at trapeze got all sorts of stuff we're not doing anything for february and march we sure are doing a lot of stuff yeah for not to yeah for not doing anything in february you're doing an awful lot i didn't have anything planned all of february and i don't know it hasn't stopped since the new year's i'm not complaining no it's been been.
Every other weekend, we've been doing something. It's been a lot of fun time. It's been good. But this week, we are going to talk about something that we get asked about. And it is one of the main topics of all the questions and all the things that we get. It's about jealousy. We're going to talk all about jealousy. We all have been there. We've all been through it.
We all hate it, jealousy we're gonna talk all about jealousy we all have been there we've all been through it we all hate it but we're gonna talk about it it helps to talk about it it does we've picked up a few little pointers and tips and tricks and stuff in the last five years or so even though we don't get that as much it still pokes his ugly little face up every once in a while. Yeah, no, we don't. We'll talk about that more. Looking for a fresh way to connect in the lifestyle?
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connection ready to join the fun click the link below and start your adventure with the playground today all right before we talk about jealousy we need to talk about understand what jealousy is and the types of jealousy and where it comes from and all the things about it usually is a insecurity that's where it stems from usually it's i always say if you're feeling jealous dig inside yourself yeah it's probably a you thing you have some kind of fear of abandonment or that they're someone's gonna be better than you or bigger than you or you know whatever it is prettier than you have more and then you're scared to lose your partner and you always have that you're aware that that can be taken away and that can be it's it hits you sometimes when you're comparing for me anyway a lot of my jealousy that i've ever had especially at the beginning was i wasn't good enough yeah like i wasn't pretty enough my boobs weren't big enough my body wasn't good enough you know what i mean like it was like a physical yeah thing for me when it would pop up and that all honestly all you can really do in that situation is get confident like that's what's that easy it's not easy guys just over time as you you know hit that it's really a you thing yeah well that's where the last time i felt a certain sort of way it was i felt left out yeah that can be and like it could be like a physical jealousy it can be more of that emotional connection i know a lot of the time that's a big one that pops its big ugly head out is the emotional part when people see their partners getting actually connecting with somebody else chemistry with somebody and that's usually when it flags like the physical part for some reason or another is a lot easier yeah definitely especially when you enjoy it and you have that comparison you like enjoy watching your partner with someone else it's like that's hot but it's anything beyond that where it comes up so you've got emotional then you've got physical jealousy and then you've got the comparative one where it's more of an envy than a jealousy yeah i really think it's she's you know or he or whatever you get that yeah i feel like the compare like men compare themselves when it comes to like their size yeah like for the most part or how muscular they are like their physique yeah or they're how tall they are people guys are like weird about their heights and stuff too yeah i don't get that i'm not like that but i know but also people most when they meet me in person that have met me in person they're like you're taller than i thought a lot of people thanks i said the same thing that was the first thing i said to you when i met you in person also you're a lot taller than i thought you would be apparently i look short you look very short apparently i don't know that's what i thought too and you're not even tall you're only no i'm average yeah i don't know i don't know if you have that comparing wanting something that someone else has for me it was really bad with my boobs like a boob issue at a big boob issue like yeah because i they all deflated and went away and i've had four kids and i'm not as young as i once was also gravity you know and i would love more than anything to get a brand new pair but i'm unable to physically right now so i'm like that was a hard one for me was comparing because everyone especially the groups that we were hanging out with and the crews that we were the parties we were going to and the events and stuff everyone had the tummy tucks and the mommy makeovers and the everyone's got boobs like the best boobs yeah now bbls came in there and all the ozempic and all the things that everyone's doing and it's like hard not and the botox and the fillers and lip flips and all of that it's hard to keep up with all of that so you always find yourself comparing i found I found myself comparing at the beginning really bad.
Now I don't, I barely ever even care. Everyone's beautiful. Everyone's great and wonderful. And that kind of is. But that was a journey. Oh yeah. Like it was. Oh yeah. That's what I'm saying. These were feelings, especially at the beginning. Yeah.
Comparing myself to people, the envy was a hard thing because everyone, it felt like for a while there, it felt really like everyone had the perfect body so why would he want a body that looks like mine you know what i mean like that yeah feeling like he's with these supermodels why would he want to have this full-time all this so it was a lot of that getting through that and really honestly that's that was definitely a me that was when this lifestyle turned into like this is way more about me journey than it is about us or anyone else's journey and that's when it really hit me like how much i have to work on myself yeah and gaining confidence and self-esteem and dealing with all that and that helped the jealousy so much because you realize like we've got way more than that history and life we've done together and it's you know what i mean like it's not it's not a physical thing and it's kind of you know how to navigate that and just gain self-confidence hey there listeners are you looking to prioritize your sexual health and wellness we've got just a thing for you shameless care offers at-home testing kits telehealth consultations and even treatment for ed and performance anxiety for when you want to play but your body says otherwise it's convenient discreet and all about keeping you at your best and guess what we've teamed up with them to give you an exclusive discount use code hot's code H-O-T, at checkout to get $30 off your first order.
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We have have been through yeah i've seen some we have been there's some weird doozies uncomfortable like we've never really we've dealt with jealousy quietly a lot of the times and we've done it person a lot of personal work and stuff and that's usually when we come inward and we're like what's going on here there's something yeah one time we've ever had a discussion about feeling a certain sort of way is in private oh yeah i would never do it in front of anyone but for sure that's just respect and stuff i just really have a hard time with people who feel the need to argue and fight with their spouse in front of people they you know what i mean like especially who they don't know and people they don't know very well yeah i mean that's some deep some deep stuff there that's way deeper than just little feelings of jealousy that we've experienced luckily we've not felt really experienced like hardcore i've had some moments here and there when i felt like that it wasn't even like a jealousy it just felt like i wasn't getting enough attention It's important.
i've had some moments here and there when i felt like that it wasn't even like a jealousy it just felt like i wasn't getting enough attention yeah yeah that's usually where it stems from was like i was paying attention too much to somebody else i started feeling like a third wheel yeah and i've had moments there where it's been a lot of people and a lot of stuff going on and not because you like intentionally left me out. But in the moment it was like, you caught yourself in the moment, like alone. Yeah.
And lonely it felt like, so like those, it wasn't, I guess I said, I can't even say that it was really a jealousy thing. I mean, I guess a little bit of like, I need attention. Maybe.
I think it was coming i think it's more of a you catch yourself alone and then our minds move really fast because he doesn't want me it's because he doesn't love me anymore yeah like her better our thoughts move really fast what it might be three to five seconds yeah at that point at that three to five seconds we've gone through every scenario in our brain worst case worst case yeah me i'm definitely the worst case scenario so i can prepare for the worst first yeah and that's been a lot and then you just go down this rabbit hole yeah and and it ruins your mood and then you feel these were pretty big events and honestly where it all stemmed from was just being overwhelmed and social i didn't recognize as easily before like my social button is just off i need to remove myself i need some recharge time where before we were new and excited and we were helping we were running around with all of our people and it was so many people and it was yeah i mean we were excited at the beginning too that's when our social media was really mean big and we would go from the time we woke like open our eyes at the time we finally we would go go we would wake up yeah do whatever and then go to a party then come back and do some more social media stuff or content or whatever and go back down for another party and come back up and do more social media stuff and then get ready for the night party i even feel like a lot of it wasn't even jealousy at all you're listening to a a podcast right now, driving, working out, walking the dog.
If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too. With RSS.com, starting your own podcast is free and easy. Upload an episode and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads just like this. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign. Start your new podcast for free today at rss.com. You're listening to a podcast right now. Driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're into podcasts, chances are you have something to say too.
With rss.com, starting your own is free own is free and easy upload an episode and we distribute it to apple podcasts spotify amazon music and hundreds more track your listeners see where they're from and start earning from ads like this even with just 10 listeners a month if you've been thinking about starting a podcast this is your sign start at rss.com. Oh, and it was just being overwhelmed in general and anxious already. And I think that doesn't help when that all comes piling in there. And I didn't recognize like, hey, you can take time. We need to eat.
That's when we learned eating was important. Eating. Drinking water.
Taking like an hour or two and just laying in bed together if you don't sleep just laying relaxing yeah just for an hour take a shower something and turn the lights off and just yeah hang out for i don't know about you but when we do that like just lay down in bed before we get ready or whatever i always have the moment where it's like we could not just stay here usually when i'm in the shower getting ready and i'm like we could not yeah well and like you have to start getting ready before me i know so he sleeps while i start getting so i take a nap like for an hour while you're showering and because it only takes me 20 minutes to shower shave do my hair throw my clothes on we're i'm done i always have a little bitter for a minute when i'm starting to get ready because it's usually after a good ass nap or dinner or something when i want a nap and then i have to get ready and you get to just like lay on the bed and just pass out it's nice it is nice i'm not gonna lie it's nice but getting back on track what we're talking about jealousy oh yeah the thing about jealousy too is that i i have said this a million bazillion times but it's not it's going to happen it's going to pop up yeah it's going it's a natural normal human emotion that everyone has and experiences it's not jealousy isn't your worst enemy it's what you do with the jealousy absolutely and that's the key well i think it's our just our human response to blame everybody else for your emotions deflect and you deflect it and it's hard for especially for somebody that's just getting into the lifestyle and hasn't had to deal with these type of emotions very often is what is unpacking doing the self-work usually it's just fear like you're scared yeah of something yeah for some reason like yeah you're scared that your partner all of a sudden yeah all of a sudden's gonna you get this white picket fence fantasy with this other person yeah and it triggers you're like no that's mine you know yeah and usually like what we've seen a lot of jealousy about is that that like territorial it's mine mine this is mine you got the what do we call it what do you always say finding nemo finding nemo the seagulls mine you belong to me you're mine or she's mine or don't look you know it's like this weird well we're programmed to do that yeah like from a childhood to be honest this for 99 of the people in the lifestyle this is a newer like even if they've been doing it 20 years for most their life they were trained to be monogamous from childhood so socially acceptable way yeah and you you're you belong to your spouse yeah there's definitely an ownership like and we're kind of breaking that cycle we're like yeah you i am your person yeah but also i don't know physically we are free yeah you know what i mean yeah like it's hard it's really hard to explain in that regard because i do have some stuff i do have a mind mentality yeah like you are mine yeah and that's why we have boundaries and rules And that's why that's like kind of going into like tips and tricks and things that we've learned along the way.
Boundaries are there for that reason to help negate that jealousy feeling. Because if you have something that repeatedly brings up jealousy and you're feeling a certain like mine way about it and you know that that's when you can stick a boundary there and be like,'re not doing that anymore right it can be whatever you want it to be and if that helps that feeling and stuff until you work through it then so be it you know it's yeah it could just be a boundary that like you just put there to deal until you deal with the trauma or whatever is bringing that up.
Or it could be something that's there forever. Yeah, it could be something. It's just a hard no. Yeah. Like, no one will ever call you daddy. That's my hard no. Yeah, that makes your eye twitch. It just happened a few times. I watch your whole facial expression change. It's like, oh, we'll be leaving now. It's just not. And that'll never change. Yeah, I'm like, we'll be leaving now. You just. No, we really honestly, the LZ is just not a thing that, and I know people think that you think that you're saying that you're better swinger.
That's the first thought is people roll their eyes and they're like,'re like oh you think you're a professional you think you're better swinger than we are it's not that at all we have just been through so many different things and worked really hard yeah trust and security and you're not going anywhere and i know it 100 and our marriage and relationships never been more solid which brings security there yeah that's where it really we talk about we've used every experience where we've had a negative emotion as a trust building yeah like a good thing and so we've always unpackeded, especially in the beginning, like when we were just navigating the beginning stages of the lifestyle, we would have an experience and talk about it for weeks.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And like, I didn't like it when this happened. Or I really liked that.
Or did you see that what do you think about that you know we talked about it for weeks oh yeah our first experiences oh yeah and that's how we started building our certain boundaries yeah because we're figuring yeah that helps and like i didn't like that i'm like okay let's not do that then yeah and then as we explored and got more comfortable with each other and our trust grew yeah and we're like oh like and that helps and get rid of the right the more trust you have the whole cycle the more really open we really are like secure i don't think three years ago i would let you go to trap by yourself no i go like once a month like because i know exactly what it's going to be yeah every time yeah and i know and you know the people i know the deep enough i know people that are there i'm there yeah just in a roundabout way yeah yeah i know you're good but yeah three years ago i didn't know even if i would even if i would have known the people there i'd be like nah we were always same room we were never open to anything else other than that obviously since then we've experimented with pretty much everything but like that was like a hard no for quite a while there we had to be within like arms yeah we had to be able to touch of each other we had to like touch each other yeah it was a whole thing yeah and they are talking about boundaries that is one that like now another the whole like i don't get jealous or whatever we just don't and then the whole boundaries thing they're like what are your boundaries i have tiktoks out there with like five different things on the screen and now i was trying to think of an updated one what are your boundaries um i don't know i don't know anymore protection is yeah i think we're left on the list i honestly think we're to the point now when it comes to boundaries and navigating jealousy is we'll let each other know if oh yeah that's where we're at too and I know that's like a red I don't know but I don't know the beginning like if someone says they don't have boundaries or don't get jealous that's a red flag and i hear me saying it and then i think about all the people rolling their eyes but like i just think that's how deep we are like how tight yeah Like, I just honestly think that we're honest enough with each other.
Yeah. Like, I just think that's how deep we are, like how tight we are. Like, I just honestly think that we're honest enough with each other that if something comes up, we're going to talk about it. Oh, yeah, immediately. And we both don't have to have any more. Like, we used to have, like, hand movements and cues and colors and names.
I honestly, it's to the point where I just be like i'm not good we gotta go i'm not good let's go step outside or a lot of times when i can see you it's kind of debating on your emotions i'll just like you have a certain face that you make and you're just kind of like that's a very like overwhelmed and checked out face that you make it's just kind of blank and that's when I'm like, you good? And you'd be like, can we go outside?
Let's go for a walk yeah i'm like all right let's go and that's not even jealousy that's usually just anxiety yeah anxiety or something it's made me uncomfortable and thinking about your birthday weekend there was a couple times where i i didn't feel a certain sort of way at all through the weekend but there's a couple moments where i'm like oh we would have never three years ago well like uh saturday night after we got back from trap your social battery just kind of just and you just went upstairs didn't say anything you just went to bed no you just went to bed like i like five minutes went by and you were you were up in bed i'm so tired i've been up since i look around i'm like where's ashley and i went upstairs and yeah you were asleep i'm like oh yeah okay but like i know you're good like that back in the day i used to have to like we would i mean we would be attached to each other at all times every no matter what and now it's just like when i need to go i just go and then you find me and it works out that way same way with you i'm like i'll keep up with you i'll figure it figured i'll check in we always are checking all the time and that's another part of the jealousy tips and things that we've learned is like physical touching holding hands just reconnecting for a moment locking eyes just checking in it's those check-ins it's definitely the check-ins that it kind of just reassure it's the reassurance part of it yeah we're you good i'm good or if anything like i didn't end again with the relationship being pretty close and tight like that's the moment where i would be like i'm not okay yeah or you'd be like not doing great let's go talk about it and we will talk about it it's not we're not going to hold it off or put it off or anything it needs to be dealt with at least enough yeah get that reassurance because that's what like sometimes it's assumptions and well yeah there's a lot here you know yeah you heard something wrong or you thought something wrong or you turned it around well in your head also like a lot of people assume that the it's the end of the night when you have these conversations no which isn't the case night like i'd say most the time, it is hey i feel this sort of way can we talk about it real quick and it's literally a five ten yeah five ten minute conversation and we go back out and we're good like usually it's like a miscommunication or you saw i saw something or you saw something that you didn't necessarily like or it had you know that just triggered some type of feeling and we go talk about like we'll go behind closed doors and we'll just talk about it and move on now sometimes it's very rarely now but in the past it used to be okay done for the night.
We're going to lay in bed and talk about it, go to sleep, talk about it in the morning. But we've also always, like, our relationship is number one. The only reason we're there is because we want to be there. Yeah. So it's like if we're not good and we're not having, or someone's not having fun, then what is the point of being here? And we always, always.
That's one thing that's stuck around since the beginning is we've always said this is an us thing it's an us thing and that's our saying all the time and we have had to numerous times like look at each other and be like this is an us thing we're not good we're not good and we're not doing it like why would you why would we keep going to an event or yeah if we're not having fun yeah why would we be partying and stuff together if we're not okay yeah but our relationship is the whole reason for literally everything so we've always held it there and yeah so in the lifestyle it's no different if we're not okay we're not one's not okay we're both not okay and some people need different things they need different you know adjusted boundaries that can help we're talking about that or some people just need time and they need a moment and writing it down is a good tip like writing through it yeah there's like i'm not like i could see you doing that yeah like it all depends on how you process information, be honest in emotions.
Like I just have a very analytical brain. And so I can logically think through my problems. Now I understand a lot of people. You're listening to a podcast right now, driving, working out, walking the dog. If you're in a podcast, chances are you have something to say too. With rsscom, starting your own podcast is free and easy. Upload an episode and we distribute it to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, and more. Track your listeners, see where they're from, and start earning from ads just like this. If you've been thinking about starting a podcast, this is your sign.
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Are very emotional people and you can't do that. That's what I mean.
And that's where I can see writing it down and being and when you write it down and look at it like that's nuts that's what i do normally that's doing like what am i that's why i write things all the time by seeing it written down you actually see how like ridiculous you can step away from your thoughts are yeah it's like um different outlook on it from writing it down that's why i usually do it just for myself nobody else i just you know write for myself but also hand in hand with that like meditation taking a deep breath walking away taking space just you know keeping your person informed though don't just run away and leave yeah we have seen some really bad jealousy situations where at clubs we've talked about it before like just literally leaving your spouse there yeah or just start walking or thinking they left or just not communicating like just like they're in the bathroom or something one no idea one yeah partner just needing a little break so they go get water or go for a walk or if it's hotel takeover they'll walk through the hotel real quick in the bathroom or sit in the bathroom or something like this where you have the other spouse panicking a quiet place yeah and then the other spouse thinks they left the worst case scenario worst case scenario but also i think we need to touch about the influence of drugs and alcohol drugs drugs and alcohol.
That has been a huge issue. Huge issue. It amplifies. It amplifies and you kind of lose those inhibitions to deescalate the situation. It's a, you become a very escalates. It definitely every single time. And you automatically become defensive.
And I've seen numerous times people use it as a crutch like they have to numb because and it's because there's un right healed on a dealt with they have jealousy and trauma things that have happened if you need like i feel like you need the drink to involve yourself in the lifestyle you need it that's a huge problem you need to figure out why you stop being a lifestyle period at least for a until you figure it out i think some i do think that a lot of jealousy issues couples that have repeated jealousy over and over again i 100 believe that they need to step away from the lifestyle oh They need to work on, if it's a problem and you're constantly fighting and bickering and arguing and you're making things uncomfortable for people and for yourselves and you're always as a problem, you need to work on you and your spouse.
You need to tap back into why you're there and what you're doing there.
Because I think a lot of couples lose sight of what they're really there there for they get caught up in getting these partners and having sex and getting have all this fun and party and themes and all this crazy stuff when the whole reason and purpose you're there is for you and your partner yeah it's or yourself it's easy to get caught up in all the excitement it is it is it's and the glitz and the glam and the you know fun it is but yeah and the end of the day you're there with your partner and i think a lot of couples forget that and they or and they put themselves on the back burner and they focus on the lifestyle and the glitz and the glamour and the dressing up and having fun and the drinking and the dancing and doing all of that but it always goes back to like you're there yeah it's the us thing it's an us thing and this is an us thing and it's about us so yeah we've seen some nasty if you can't tell by our tone we've seen some nasty fights with some really good people just we can't do jealousy very much we have a hard time dealing with the constant not jealousy though it's the fighting yeah if you if it gets to the point where you're fighting with your spouse yeah that's not much of a problem then we're gonna probably peace yeah we're going to definitely back off quite a bit because that means there is some deep deep shit there that you haven't dealt with and you're not dealing with and you need to work on yeah and usually that's when we're like you need to take that time step away love ya bye like it's yeah that easy it's that simple for us it's we love hanging around couples that are solid and have their shit together and you know i understand that jealousy is gonna happen here and there feelings are gonna happen and we said it at the beginning stuff's gonna happen but and we'll say it a million times more it's not I don't know.
I don We said it at the beginning. Stuff's going to happen. But we'll say it a million times more. It's not that if you feel jealous, it's how you deal with it. How you deal with it. And you can tell when the person or the couple or whatever has healthy coping mechanisms. Yeah.
And they have good ways to work around work around it open-minded communication and listening skills and when they're genuinely sorry and genuinely yeah because every because every time you fell a certain way or i fell a certain way we're all like i never meant to make you feel that way yeah i'm so sorry like what can i do not to make you feel this way again and sometimes it's there's nothing you could do it was just a me thing yeah or it's i it was when you did this like okay i won't do that anymore we can work on that okay no biggie we can avoid that yeah yeah but that open line of communication and being able to say hey i'm not okay without the fear of judgment is probably the biggest part yeah and it's a hard part for people oh yeah i wouldn't say it became it came easy to us no no like we were always we were always pretty honest with each other so it wasn't hard for us but it's at a whole different level it's not so easy for a lot of people no it's not and then you they you find them like but then again why if it's not that easy for you to talk to your partner why yeah it all boils down to you got to work on that together whatever it is it could be a whole list of things it could be a whole bunch of stuff that triggered it too and you have to figure it out together and figure out what you're going to do about it because it will keep copping up and it will the more that you keep stuffing it down and stuffing it down i promise there will be a moment where you can't anymore and it's going to be dealt with whether you like it or not yeah it's gonna come up with it and say it's gonna pop up eventually yeah and it's definitely how you they're not saying we're perfect that's for sure and i know that i'll be jealous again and they'll you'll have moments of jealousy too again and it's gonna happen again there's more.
Especially with all the different people we meet and the different scenarios we get into. And the more we trust each other and the more we experience this world, like, this stuff is going to pop up. Yeah. I mean, because the more open we get. The more you open yourself up to. The more you open yourself up to an experience that's going to trigger something.
That's not all going to be like no it's not all rainbows and unicorns which i do love me some unicorns but i love some rainbows but we try to get to that all the time but we're we're gonna fail here and there we're gonna fall down things are gonna be weird things are always weird like i know our saying is it's not that serious we'll make it weird but like we're always be making it weird and people other people be people in and making it really weird and it's what you do with it and how you navigate i don't know i always try and make jokes there's nothing worse than just not when you know a couple is just not good yeah and they're good people and they're nice people because that's the thing about the lifestyle is everybody everyone is so nice and we say that all of the time and everyone we've talked to this it comes up the same way everyone is so nice but but it's like say it's when you get in these situations and these masks come off yeah it can and you start to see like the people they are yeah and they let those walls down they let those walls down and again no just because we are friends with you and we see these things come up doesn't mean we're going to stop talking to you but we're probably not going to play for a while until we see oh yeah we're going to remove ourselves from that part of it yeah we're going to definitely take a step back from that part of it until we see you guys better yeah we don't we just don't tolerate it we don't tolerate fighting we don't touch especially physically we don't yeah you touch each other and pretty much that's it for us i probably would never put myself into a situation with you yeah again to make me because i'm you know i mean like that that's that's huge we've seen some stuff we've seen some yeah we've seen people cry we've seen people physically we've seen like touch each other we've seen people just nasty nasty things you can say to somebody that's your person you know and i it always blows my mind and so it's hard for me to really like get past that because i'm like that's your human your person in the world you're yeah if you say that to your person nasty stuff yeah that's what i'm saying what are you going to say like i'm going to involve myself yeah exactly in between that it's going to take some trust and it's going to take some time yeah it's going to take a whole lot of work because i am not going to be a part of it why would i ever put myself to in that vulnerable situation when you're doing that with your person yeah of all the people yeah so jealousy can jealousy can be pretty nasty thing i really can't we've seen some some nasty nasty stuff we've been a part of where like we we gotta go now yeah you have to work on like okay bye yeah we're gonna we've that that's we've stopped whole orgies because of it oh yeah yeah like we saw stuff going on we're like it's definitely where i say ghosting is acceptable to just remove yourself from that situation especially if it's like not safe situation but also like it's clearly a them thing oh yeah so why would i involve myself in them and that's what we've said we okay, this is like, you've got some stuff you guys have to work on together.
Yeah. We're going to be going on our way. We'll be over here. Hey, beautiful. If you're looking to feel confident and sexy, voluptuous fixin has got you covered with stunning lingerie and outfits that fit every curve. And for our listeners, you can snag 10% off your order with code hot couple in ga at checkout don't miss out check out the link below and find your next favorite piece and we in this last four or five years we have become the newbie coach don't know how it happened it just has i don't know we't know. We became the couple for new people. And I love it. I don't hate it.
It's perfect. It works for a lot. Yeah, there's a lot of people that, like, avoid newbies. I don't necessarily hate it. Yeah. So then they bring up and they're like, here, meet Ashley and Russ. These are your new... I love sharing our experiences with people. Yeah. It makes sense. And what we've learned.
But coming along with that, that though that's what i'm saying yeah that's where we've seen some pretty nasty stuff because it's jealousy popping its head for the first time people that don't know and have never really dealt with these emotions and these like things that they're seeing yeah that comes well and then what seems to be the trend is everything's hunky-dory then we'll they'll have you know a situation we'll see ourselves out of that situation and then the next day or two they're calling and texting us or snapping us be like trying to explain yeah and we're just like we understand we get it but that's something you guys gotta deal with we can't like we can't deal with it for you yeah we had to learn how to remember because we at the very beginning that's where i was kind of we were trying to fix marriages and stuff yeah we became like therapists almost and we were not qualified for that and i have never wanted to be that and it just kind was like, we wanted to help our people because we love these people.
We get really close to these people and you feel connected. And then you're stuck in between a marriage that is just not good. And you get to the point where you have to remove yourself. You have to draw that line.
Because when you start getting involved with the other people's relationship yeah emotions get blurred and you're opening the door to attachment things and this and that it's like no i'm good and then like when they all there's been times where people have gotten divorced and then you're stuck in the whole pick a side yeah pick a side someone pick a side and i i don't pick sides i don't do that i'm not a pick switzerland yeah i'm always switzerland and i it does put you in those weird we've been through some weird things we've seen jealousy absolutely destroyed we always say this lifestyle can make or break your relationship and it does it very quickly we've noticed i mean you'll know pretty fast if it's going to work out or not and it can make a marriage amazing and wonderful and so you can thrive like never before but then you have that other side but you have to be honest that's the thing and you have to do the work yeah and it's going to be a whole bunch of uncomfortable work that nobody wants to do stuff that we force down and we just keep quiet and we don't listen to us you know those thoughts and those feelings and stuff you don't deal with them but like i said it will come out promise in this lifestyle you are put in some vulnerable situations and it'll escape eventually yes and it's not going to be good unless you know how to deal with it and that's why we're here today just kind of help take a moment aftercare is another huge one that we didn't talk about dealing with it making sure and in the lifestyle aftercare is different than like bdsm lifestyle yeah in the lifestyle it can be as simple as just a physical touch yeah just being yeah i hate the word reclaiming i think reconnecting is a better word for that yeah reclaiming it feels territory again territorial feels icky and weird and you're not property and it's just a whole thing yeah but reconnecting i do think is a very good because we have always done that we always have like after the night is over, we have our sex we connect with yeah well this but they're all it's always it's always so hot it's so good so good and it's so sweaty and nasty it's raw like marriage sex it's like a comfortable yeah hot but it's like all of the things that have happened you know and then at the end of the night and i don't call i don't really think that's reclaiming i think that is just reconnecting and yeah comfortable and being with your person and you've been turned on for like hours and like excited and like i need to get off because that was hot yeah but you know aftercare can look different in the lifestyle than you know it can be it could be just simple like snack and a drink going to get a snack together we've sat outside we've sat outside of hotels and stuff like that and got like snacks in the front bar ice cream bars and stuff like that little cafe freezers and stuff they have in hotel and just been like randomly talking about all the things that have happened and eating snacks and putting sweatpants on finally or and going outside waiting for the door dasher to show up yeah get pizza or some yeah some kind of food involved usually usually yeah usually we finally get back to the room we're like i'm starving yeah that's like yeah i'm thirsty i need a water and i need to put sweatpants on and eat something bad for me or snack on something but that's that's usually when we're sitting there we'll sit there and talk about what has just happened or oh my god did you just see that or hear that or feel that or how'd you how'd you it could be as simple as just how are you are you okay like we were saying checking in and stuff that's a lot of aftercare is just checking in being like how are you yeah physically mentally emotionally all the things and it doesn't have to be anything huge and crazy and it can be like cuddling and blankets and people cuddle a lot of people cuddle yeah a lot of our friends are cuddle puddlers they're always any of you need a cuddle puddle you're not but i am so yeah he's all about the cuddle puddle i love a good cuddle puddle i have a hard time with cuddle puddle i'm not a physical touch person No, you're not but i am so yeah he's all about the cuddle puddle i love a good cuddle puddle i have a hard time with a cuddle puddle not a physical touch person no you're not i'm not i just don't like you're just not you i love it but i don't like to be touched tell me how it works i don't know i don't know it does but all of our friends and tim are all cuddlers so they're always like want to cut up it'd be like 1 p.m we'll be eating at lunch you want to go cuddle it comes up all day every time we're together yeah cuddle puddle time yet i'm okay i will cuddle but i don't get off on it like you all do i don't know i i just it's like a warm hug i don't know i hate hugs i don just i feel i don't know it's hard to explain how it like a cuddle puddle feels no i get it i get it i've been in many of them i do i just usually especially after all that i just want to be like i'm all sweaty i need to get a shower i need to take a moment yeah yeah deal the cuddle puddles after a shower are the best cuddle puddles yeah everybody be trying to do it in the mornings i'm like oh yeah i need to brush my teeth first i love you but also can i just brush my teeth real quick i need.
Be clean. Hey, everyone. If you ever wondered where we get our outfits, accessories, and even some of the cool decor that you see in our content, look no further. We've got it all linked in our Amazon storefront.
From stylish fits, fun accessories, to the decor that sets the vibe, we've handpicked our favorites just for you head over to our amazon storefront to check it out and you might just find something that fits your style shopping our picks helps support the show so thank you for all the love yeah those are just some things and some tips and some stuff that maybe hopefully might help someone maybe just deal with it i think that's where i think that's the overall message yeah communication is key as always and forever the same thing we say every single episode communication really is key communication and honesty even if you don't know how to frame it you don't know where that feeling is coming from and you just say that it's okay to say that it's okay to be like i'm feeling a certain sort of way i'm not really sure where it's coming from or why but i would like to work on it right when we need to work through it and just take time to connect with each other yeah it's definitely not a race i feel like there's a lot of people that feel that they have to rush into certain things yeah and there's not no there's no rush you can be like we knew people that were navigating lifestyle for a year and a half before they even touched anybody else oh yeah longer than that we know a couple people that just well there's people in lifestyle that still have never yeah it's just a just a them thing and that's fine that's again the lifestyle is whatever you want it to be it can have you can have 400 and boundaries and rules a contract assigned you can make it whatever you want it to be to make you the most comfortable but again biggest tip work on where that's coming from and why you feel the need to have these rules and these boundaries and what is it coming from?
Is it fear of abandonment? Like what's going on there? Are you feeling not secure, not confident? And deal with that. And usually with that, you'll be able to actually, because the whole point is to just be able to fulfill all fantasies, any fantasies that you ever could want to do together.
And that's like the ultimate goal is every fantasy all the fantasies together yeah and you're gonna have to work on getting there because it's not easy no it's not it's not there's an uncomfortable moment it takes a lot of work yeah get comfortable being uncomfortable because you're gonna be but also uncomfortable you get sweet like we've gotten so close through those conversations oh yeah that i don't know if it's definitely worth it just from that yeah yeah we've had we've had some weird we've had some crazy experiences and we've had a lot of fun but in the end like the ultimate prize is how close we've become what you get out of working through it and dealing with it and getting through jealousy and all the bad feels so you can have all the good feels together yeah unlimited good feels that's the only goal that's why we're all here yeah that's if you have any questions or anything want to talk about it more comment we're not professionals we're here just feeling whatever yeah we've seen whatever we've done it's our opinions we're not sure why anyone wants to listen to us talking about these things but we're here to talk about them it's definitely you it's not me they're here for you no no but yeah I, you know, we talk about it if you don't agree or you think something different or you have your own thoughts put them instagram reach out on our instagram we have a podcast a couple chronicles podcast on tiktok and instagram and we are always dm us make a story something We're always trying to get your input.
Challenge us a little bit so we can address it. I know. Whatever you want to hear us talk more about, let us know. We like to talk. We're talkers. So that's why we started this. We're ramblers. We are ramblers. We're ramblers.
We suck at podcasting, if you you haven't noticed because we kind of just have a topic this way and trail off that way a whole outline things that we really want to cover we want to be more professional but then we just start talking with our hearts not our brains we go off on lots of tangents and it kind of gets lost and then all of a sudden we're looking at it and it's an hour in and then you're got to wrap it up yep already time to go oh but next week we're going to talk about the big bad word that makes me not a real swinger only fans it's the worst word you could ever say yeah there's a lot i have to say about that and i've been wanting to say about that for a really long time and i do get judged every day pretty much every day you get judged from both sides of it oh yeah it's oh yeah it's very confusing and yeah yeah it's been on it's been quite a journey for my only fans but we are going to talk about that a little bit more next week and tap into that.
And then filming this now, it is now Thursday. So tomorrow I'm going to Trapeze Solo. Yes, for... First Friday. First Friday with Pineapples After Dark. When you're listening to this, it'll be already a week after.
And then it's uh superheroes so i and we don't do superheroes so i'm trying to come up with a costume because this was another last minute decision to kind of go yeah you weren't going until what last week yeah you brought it up and you suggested it and i was like and i thought about it for a little bit and i'm like okay whatever yeah because i won't be able to make march and we'll have the paddy party and it felt like so far away so i'm like yeah yeah because my work schedule has me yeah busy for the next month basically so i won't be able to get away for a weekend so he's like well unless you just go by yourself on friday and it's with pads so it's pretty safe crew and it's our people so it'll be good and i'm trying to come up with some kind of costume i'm thinking i don't know if you know secrets two years ago a long time ago two or three years ago i went he was super oh i was superman yeah and i was lois lane yeah so i was gonna try and pull together something similar to that but without you it's gonna be a little bit different so i'm trying to your idea i just have to find that shirt yeah so we'll see i'm sure you'll see pictures i'm sure i'll be taking pictures of that you'll see them on the social media by the time you listen to this but yeah and yeah.
And then we have Patty Party. Yeah, the St. Patty's. St. Patty's Party. We've got that. That's my birthday weekend, March 14th. March 14th. And where's that at? Loganville. That's in Loganville, Georgia. Yeah. It's in the atmosphere. And we have a link for that down below.
And then after that is Secrets with society yeah april's coming fast it's coming quick and i am so excited let me know if you want to get on the wait list because there's a wait like quite a wait list but people are starting to back out and yeah everybody happens though it booked it they it booked out like really, really fast, but it was so far in advance that life happens, we get it, and people back out, and so rooms become available. Yeah, they're starting to come open randomly, so get on the wait list, hopefully you can get a room, definitely recommend, Secrets is our fave, we love Secrets.
Yeah, we love, it's a whole vibe. It's just three days. Vacation for us. Yeah. Like it's our vacation time and we take full advantage of it every moment. Well, and this time we've talked about it that we're decided that we're not going to do a room crawl. But we are going to do a luncheon in our room. Yes.
All of our listeners, we're going to get you in a little secret saturday at noon-ish i'll for sure put something on instagram the exact time and all of that but we are bringing back margaritas and pizza that was always our thing at secrets and we stopped doing it the last two terms and everyone's been super about it so we're gonna we're gonna bring it back and yeah we're gonna have like a little lunch in our room so if you're to be there come come hang out come say hi come hang out we love hosting i love i'll have plenty of margaritas well plenty of food plenty of drink and we will have all sorts of goodies we always do we carry a whole bunch of stuff along with us it's a good time i promise it's like room 141 yeah 141 so come it's gonna be interesting it's gonna be good yeah a whole new tiki bar now so we're excited to go see it and it's gonna be fun so yeah come along with us the secrets get on the waitlist let me know and check out all of our social media make sure you're following instagram tiktok we've got all the pages and that's all in our link tree and you can find that yeah we have individual links below in the whole link tray below so pretty much anywhere on social I mean, you can find it.
Yeah, you can find it. Everywhere. You can find that yeah we have individual links below and the whole link tray below so pretty much anywhere on social media you can find it everywhere you can find us follow us on Instagram that's like your best bet to keep track of where I'm going to be because I am a last minute girly she is she'll pop up on you I do you never know where I'm going to be next but yeah that's all I've got to say about that so as always it's not that serious don't make it weird bye guys
