Meet fireball Francesca. She is a vibrant 70 year old woman thriving in the sex club culture. After a wonderful marriage (now a widower) and raising a family she found her way back to vanilla-world (mainstream society) dating and was not impressed with the opportunities or experiences. She ventured into Oasis Aqualounge sex club (Toronto) alone and terrified one night many years ago and her life changed forever. She found sexual liberation, casual sex (a new concept for her at the time), and plenty of exciting opportunities to explore. Francesca is a wonderful representation of what is possible at any age, even in the sex-positive lifestyle. I hope you are left with as much inspiration as I am. ***** Get your free Swinger Lifestyle Starter Kit - learn what to expect, common mistakes to avoid, and how to walk into a sex-positive space without feeling out of place: 👉https://torontounicorn.kit.com/starterkitpodcast Ready to go deeper? Check out my full courses at LevelUpWithTorontoUnicorn.com ***** ALL social media links (YouTube, podcasts, fan page, etc): https://linktr.ee/TorontoUnicorn DIRECT link to my explicit TorontoUnicorn fan page: https://OnlyFans.com/TorontoUnicorn -- Sex Stories Podcast! https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/sex-stories-with-torontounicorn/id1695478072 🎙️Did you know I have multiple uncensored podcasts? Links: https://linktr.ee/TorontoUnicornPodcasts Want to hear girl talks and 1:1 interviews with single women who go to sex clubs? Check out my Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7ruCXHOhDqTegyco4vLA4y?si=4c13eb056ac44a67 -- Want to own something I wear, use, recommend or chuckle at? Check out my Amazon storefront! *affiliate links provide me with a small commission* 🇺🇸 Amazon storefront: https://www.amazon.com/shop/torontounicorn 🇨🇦 Amazon storefront: https://www.amazon.ca/shop/torontounicorn ***** Please rate this podcast 5 stars and leave a comment to help others discover it too :) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Hey everybody it is Tony Unicorn here in another episode of Sex and Swinging and let me tell you I have got a fireball interview for you. This is Francesca. She's a 70 year old well almost 70 year old woman. She is very comfortable in her skin.
She is very vibrant in personality and appearance and I had such a thrill talking to her when I met her at the club and then I was insistent on sitting down with her for an interview for my podcast so that you could get a little bit of her sparkle, so to speak. And so that she can leave a little bit of an impact, especially for the demographic of older women, especially, and maybe older men feel represented here. You know, Francesca reminds me of me.
I even said to her during the interview that she, she is like a reincarnated version of me because she told a story about how she's you know always getting kind of you know in trouble by her friends for saying something inappropriate and I use that in like quotations because like that's their definition um you know in front of people and so she was saying like I said it because I thought it was fucking funny you know and here I am being called out for it and told that you know know my audience and all that and I resonated so much with that because before I found my YouTube channel before I found my podcast and also the sex positive lifestyle I was that one saying that inappropriate thing getting the eye rolls getting the people saying oh you know Sarah which is my real name like don't you know where you are like don't speak like that and part of me was like these people need to hear this kind of shit man they need to know these worlds exist like i i i resonate with her and i see her as a very valuable um voice from an older woman perspective so she's about 70 years old she's been in the lifestyle now for at least around seven years i think uh she's a widow she was married to her best friend a very long time.
So she has quite a story of a comeback of an older woman who lived the life of having kids, you know, now has grandkids. And now she's going to sex clubs and she's doing it alone. And she's thriving and on her own terms, no less. So I hope you enjoyed this interview with Francesca.
And yeah, let's go on journey together you know you have to do things that you love and you and bring you joy that take you out of yourself and for me sex is one of those things I don't do it to avoid life or to be away from life I do it because it just relaxes the heck out of me and it takes me out of myself i i say weird things like i touch the divine but i think i touch the divine when i sing i think i touch the divine when i orgasm you know i think i touch the divine when i see a beautiful outfit that i really love and i you know anything that gives you that joy you know or my have, I had a grandson be born yesterday.
That's joyful. Yeah. Another one. I like rabbits. I'm good. Podcast is going well. And a lot of interesting voices add to what I like to call like the mosaic of the conversation of what a swinger or sex positive lifestyle is. Right.
And I love the stories are popping up because it's it's really it's changed my life because I started this being a little scandalous storyteller on YouTube and then I through my storytelling helped unlock people from their sexual you know shame and all of that and then then my life became something different and more purposeful and so to see it reflect back in these people's experiences is really wonderful. It is.
I'm so happy for you because that's something I learned as I got much more vocal, like way over the top for most regular people. I was way too edgy. I was told at one female event at one of my dear friend's homes where I told my, you know, how many orgasms I had on my 60th birthday, that whole 60th, 60th story. And she called me the next day and said, you totally embarrassed me. I said, what? She said, you know, you offended me. The nuns, oh, this is when I really went a little nutty on her.
The nuns, you know, offended me i the nuns oh this is when i really went a little the nuns you know brought me up in high school i said okay liz honey sweetie you hated the nuns like why are we conjuring this up right now because at 60 whatever she was um at her some kind of of, you know, I hate those things and stuff. Showers, you know, where girls just show things. Anyway, to me, it's boring as can be.
But anyway, so I was telling my sex stories, and people were laughing uproariously, except for my friend and person.
And that's when I realized, you know, you got to know your audience i find most of the time like you when i share my story all of a sudden people are telling me what happened to them and where did they come from and what was their first experience i i just had a young man on the phone 35 and all of a sudden he was telling me all the experiences he had as a young man and how older women really helped him and made it better for him in sex.
And I went, now I am learning that that's a thing out there that nobody talks about. Nobody talks about, and I've learned that of the five and six, yeah, let's talk about it. So one of the thread lines through my last it's going to be 11 years on august the 27th of this year that my husband died okay okay it's a really sad story of my best friend 20 years second my second husband he left me he's gone and i walked out of the hospital with a paper bag that It's a devastating thing.
It's just a devastating, when's your best friend? And I mean, I've, I speak to a lot of people about marriage relationships since, and a lot of them aren't so happy. I was very blessed. I was very blessed. Right. I married my best friend, smart thing to do the second time. Didn't do it the first time.
so out of i was launched right i was basically launched into single womanhood and my best friend who'd been single oh my god heather known since she was 15 and i was 16 i still call her the kid you know how that goes when you're with your eyes girlfriend meanwhile i'm gonna I'm going to be 70, and she's going to be 69. So she's still the kid. Anyway, the kid told me, because she'd been single all the years I'd been married, and said, here's what's going to happen to you, hon. I said, what?
She goes, you're going to go out to dinner. You're going to have a bit to drink. Or you're going to take them home, or they're going to take you home.
Then they're not going to be able to get an erection and then uh they're going to flounder all over you and uh and then they're going to blame you welcome to the single womanhood i went oh no no because that was the where i was 59 when i was and she was telling me what the last 15 years has been like for her in vanilla world right like horrible horrible and she loves sex like she's got a mojo she's one of the few right so i was feeling sorry for anyway so i um i launched in another direction because i thought i'm not i tried a couple of old guys i got some funny dating stories about old guys where they I love the quick line on that is they feel the need to fully disclose well why they need they think they need to do this on the first date over dinner twice I had two dates in a row with men 60 plus who over dessert decided to tell me they were on medication that lowered their blood pressure and did all kinds of other things, which I don't believe in any part of me.
I'm a real skeptic when it comes to adding chemicals to your body, if you're not sure what they're doing, and they counterindicate, and doctors don't know if they add this one to that one, what kind of melange of crap they're putting in your body.
I'm a real anti-pharma so for me listening to this it's like okay now you've given your you have high blood pressure so they give you low blood pressure mets guess where the low breath pressure goes boom so the next statement out of their mouth is and i'm suffering from erectile dysfunction now that was okay when my husband was ill and i we we made our way through it and we got the blue pill and i mean he was not well and you know all that but on the first date yeah so i sat there like uh check please give me so that's the vanilla world of older men and they're grumpy as shit yeah they are the get off my lawn guys like i said to one guy i said to one guy i don't know get off my lawn and i'm like and they're my age right and i went to high school and these guys i'm going what happened to you you were fun high school guy now you're a get off the lawn guy and they don't even know but what's happened i have a friend who's a nutritionist in one of my choirs and i i was sitting in choir practice with her going i don't know about these guys she goes well you know what's going on no what the testosterone levels are going down and it causes a huge amount of irritability it's basically their menopause and they're irritable as hell and any little thing sets them off the government the taxes i made it a rule okay you get three grumps right about three things i want a fun story you got one in you have you i got a fun story and they go oh sometimes they step up most of the time they don't so older man like my I'm on the edge.
We're here.
story and they go oh sometimes they step up most of the time they don't so older man like my age like go away and you drink too much and you're not fun and you're not the and i said to my girlfriend the other day whenever i you know you do the swipe thing i don't do it very often but i got onto a new one a new app and um so i do this imagining fantasizing thing would i want to climb up and down this body the older ones they don't even know how bad they look and they have no they seem to think that you know if they drive a car or a nice car i don't even know what they think they're out to lunch they are no wonder they're not getting dates i mean really anyway so my trajectory was to get out of that world as fast as i could but i did date the amazing sailor womanizer he had been can canadian um what was he ski champion baseball champion hockey player golfer champion golfer i met him when he was a ski instructor he was a sailing racer and he'd been formula two international canadian champion of um for uh car racing this was a jock like beyond jock and i remember saying to him i always thought jocks are stupid and he go and he looked at me turns out the good ones are really smart but they're also kind of womanized just because they got access to you know the cheerleaders and the you know i was never that girl right as a girl i was like jocks they haven't got a brain in their head um i found out my what i am is a sapiophile what's a sapiophile the one who gets stimulation sexual stimulation from a good brain funny one too would be nice right um there's a lot of you know fun my husband and i had a ton of fun we laughed through sex we laughed through all kinds of things we laughed when he was on his deathbed honestly we did like how silly and crazy is that but we did and um anyway so I got this jock he's the guy that took me on his boat he's the guy I got me to the coke you know the story i told you and then worked on me like i could not honest to you answer i couldn't drive all my arms i was like a blob of protoplasm at one point i don't know if this happens to most women because i haven't done a lot of research but it's happened to me when i'm into like the 40th orgasm which is kind of over the top crazy Thank you.
happens to most women because i haven't done a lot of researches but it's happened to me when i'm into like the 40th orgasm which is kind of over the top crazy my body is so gone and my head is so gone i am not there don't ask me to speak because i'm in i found out where i am is actually very similar to subspace okay i'm not there right i am seriously not there but in the best possible way right yeah like i'm touching the divine so what happens is my body goes into paroxysms where it naturally my body will naturally start to fly i call it floppy it's not very pleasant what i call it or attractive i call it the floppy fish everything's doing one second right but you know what i mean like everything starts to like and i don't even and i don't care like i'm just like i feel like i if i was a fish i'd flop back into the sea as well um it's amazing place in fact what tom the sailor to do, is when he got me to that place, he knew.
He knew about this. And he would put his hands hard down on my stomach until I stopped. It would take him five minutes. Right.
I mean, talk about course I'm going do you really need to have make it stop I don't want it to stop but it was I could I it was incredible and and I was out completely out of control now this is without any drugs without any alcohol this is just me right no stimulants no depressants no nothing no cannabis no nothing like i i like it best with nothing because my body loves it um so tom tom dear tom god bless him that little drink that i thought he took just on a tuesday night he took on a wednesday night friday night and so alcoholism was got the better of him but he had been the secret one for a long time i just didn't know and i was willing to let things go because my car was automatically driving up to Collingwood to the boat so I could get laid.
I'm never simply laid. So after I had to come to that horrible decision that this was not going to work. And I helped him through heart surgery. Here again, I'm in the hospital with an older guy. Oh, my God. Here we go again. That kind of did PST, post-traumatic stress on me, right? Yeah.
It've got you know anyway uh up in collingwood i'm there for heart surgery anyway i went to aa i went to alcoholics families to see if i could i was going to do anything to keep this going and you know yeah no it wasn't going to happen so out of that is when i um i really took the right way right turn into the ng ng world of no no dating no relationship stuff let's just do just the sex can we do that what a huge thing for an older woman who's been married twice has four kids had three grandchildren at that point i've got six now and i had no knowledge of this world like none like nobody i knew still my best friend the 15 year old is now she doesn't know i mean she lets us back but no it's too edgy for the regular world like my age too we like not in their wildest dreams right we thought strip clubs were the maximum of opportunity yes i was as edgy and open-minded as they come and i did not know either that sex clubs existed or no no and whatever it is in me that is a rebel i always have been right um i just walked in there my friends i think i told this story she's just to come with me and um she got sick like literally as i'm drinking sake in the local sushi bar on young street sushi restaurant she could she facTimes me from the toilet I was like okay I know you're on the toilet why don't you bring me well I can't come I'm really sick I'm so sorry I believe that um illnesses are a reflection of something going on in your life or your world so I think she just didn't want to do it but she she did anyway that's my underlying thing um so I then had to make a decision luckily I had a couple glasses of sake in me because i went okay walk me to the club so she walked me iphone down the street love college i my heart is like pounding i don't know what is i let me just follow along with you so she was supposed to go with you to the club she was going to join me she spoke she was one of me i have one friend who i happen to go to a spiritual center one of those cool spiritual centers you know not churchy things you know yeah yeah and um and we started talking about the fact i think i got to give up on the whole relationship thing and just but what do i do about sex because i love it so much and i didn't know what to do right i mean do i have to vibrate myself like what is this like what am i doing right i'm not even that good at it um you know i have an old vibrator that's like it's yellow and old like i have nothing going on there right um it doesn't my husband would use it my bloggers would use it but i you know as i said about vibrating i have a hard time being the one doing it and then the one receiving it and then the one doing it and then the one receiving it and then the one doing it and then the one receiving i can't my head goes into like a a weird i can't do it it's i'd either have to receive yeah i'm the same i like to say i can't orgasm if i'm working yes thank you that's a very good way to put it yeah and i'm not naturally a dom at all not in any way shape or form i tried to do it it was funny it was kind of a joke uh it was work i don't want to work so you are a dom now i'm not no i had a friend coach me through doing it with a young man about two years ago i want to circle back initially been planning to go friends she couldn't go and you went anyways and i want you to walk that whole story.
Oh, Sarah, I'm not a person who's afraid of much, right? But I was pretty much as close to terrified as you one could be. And luckily, I had some sushi and I drank a small bottle of sake, which I never really do.
But that's how much I had to take the edge off how you know nervous i was i was waiting for her when she called me and said i'm ill i can't come and in that moment i had to make a decision and what i said to her was okay walk me to it so i was on young street she walked me by phone on the phone down young street down college said go to the blue door and i'm like are you sure right just i was just a flutter i was um of course once i got in um i shut down the phone and i must have looked like my eyes were as big as saucers i remember them reading me rules and not me not hearing any of them right like what there's going to be white life sex and what life sex what you know like what you know um very interesting so that was the first decision the second decision was i had my bathing suit i knew there was a beautiful pool there see i've been told so i got to the locker put my bathing suit on went out to the pool and thought i feel a little ridiculous oh because you're because everybody's naked and i'm looking like a silly person here i you know like i'm looking what do they call them looky loose i already felt the discomfort even though i'm like at that point i'm how old am i at that point 63 okay so you know Oh, you don't have, you know, you got all your, I call it my white, white wibbly wobbly bits, you know?
Like, I got lots of them, you know, I got the stretch marks from the babies, and I got the little boobies that have kind of gone into wet teabags. I mean, I got it all, right? The booty that's not quite there when it like used to be. And then I thought, you know what? I love my body.
It's been a good friend to me but for natural childbirth I've had many orgasms I like to sing I like to dance so my body I love my body I say to say things like that to it all the time so here I was being tested how much do you really love your body that you're going to do this and I did I took the bands bands down and went oof and I went next thing you know two women are dog paddling over to me ever so gently and I'm in the middle of the pool and I'm looking at one side and then the other people go hello and I go hello and I'm like I'm dog paddling not knowing what to do you go you're new here right yeah yeah and that was the moment the third moment when i went okay i feel safe here i feel safe and they reassured me that i would feel safe there and they pointed to the security people and the manager and all of a sudden i was getting a getting a better sense of where I was.
I had no idea if I was walking into, well, I was told I wasn't walking into an orgy. But you don't really know, right? You think it is? So what those two women did, I continue to do for ever since. I've got young women who run up to me now. I can't remember their names, you know.
And they run up to me up to me oh Francesca you're the first one to talk to me here and now I work here or things like that right because it's it and I spoke to Judy the owner and Richard and all I've known them now for a while and it is for women by women and what a beautiful beautiful thing to do now that has never happened in my life never and to be able to say right out i'm sex positive like boom yay i can own it and i don't have to feel guilty or silly or i'm too edgy the regular, you know.
I think I was telling you about me going to a female, you know, event on a Sunday afternoon. They call them showers, you know, those things we call showers. The boringest parties of all time. I think the younger ladies have made them a bit more fun.
But my crowd, man, I don't want to open another present and go oh ah no no please um so so i was telling my story of having 60 orgasms on my 60th birthday to this crowd of women and they're up wariously laughing and carrying on my sister was there thank god because the next day my friend who held the shower phoned me and berated me went up one side of me and down the other for being so rude um how dare you have you embarrassed me yeah and the nuns would be offended as soon as she trotted out the nuns thing i went oh fuck off yeah i was brought up by nuns too and you never did like them and they were a little strange there were some nice ones but come on we're not living by the nun rules right now like give your head a shake but what i recognized was she's my age and she hadn't been laid in sex in 30 years.
So I represented this very, a threat almost.
I found out after I did my 60th birthday, right, and I started to tell women my age, this is the vanilla women, you know, I've grown up with my friends, not my closest, closest friends, but friends, you know, that I was not somebody they wanted to really be around i was not and i couldn't pinpoint first of all i have a theory and i've lived by this one for a while if you have something an emotional bias or feeling inside you you will see it in others okay like for example my husband used to reassure me when i would see women because i used to be that you know cute little pencil skirt girl with the house heels and you know everything going on you know it's pretty bad you know i was one of those girls and i loved it because i like to dress in my pencil skirts and my high heels and red lipstick and i did it when i was young right but i was married so i didn't see and my husband would go to parties and he'd say to me are you gonna wear that and i go yeah i do love this and go well you know the women there are gonna eat you what so i had been told by my husband like watch out for this because i don't have jealousy in me it's not a natural state for me but that's because i think i don't have a lot of insecurity i mean i got my own little bits yeah but jealousy comes out of a huge amount of insecurity and most women or most people are incredibly insecure right and i think that the the younger we get the worse it's getting which i'm to say.
I thought my generation was bad. Getting down to the young'uns. Every little thing is, oh. And I'm like, oh, how are you going to get through the world? The world's going to eat you up.
Or we're supposed to protect you from all, wrap you up in cotton batons so that none of the world can ever say a bad thing to you like how's that gonna work you know i prefer yeah i have a fantastic immune system and my mom after four kids let me make dirt pies and eat them like she didn't care it's just fine you know my grandmother my irish grandmother used to see you eat a peck of dirt before you die it's good for you did you know it was good for you no i didn't yes there's other actual enzymes in the dirt we should let the kids do that ah so anyway i won't get into all that when i see grandmothers like i just want to put them out of their misery like they're how are they gonna i used to throw my kids in the backyard and go you know call me if there's blood that's what my mom did and you know what that's i liked it even at the time i like the freedom as a kid but you know what yeah i got some slivers and yeah i did some scary shit like i actually used to have a bottle of hairspray and a lighter and think it was fire yeah and i look back now thinking yeah it's survival of the fittest yeah yeah my brother my younger brother i was from his big family six and i was the eldest my fourth one down so i'm like eight years old and he was i used to call my mom and go mom mom tim's doing blue angels he'd do the parks oh no and she got oh he'll be fine like oh mom you know uh i was brought up you know you came in and the lights went on like wherever like wherever you were and the street lights went on okay head home so it's too bad the kids don't have that kind of freedom and and i don't think it's ever going to come back i think and so you don't get to test the muscle of your own experiences of being a little edgy so because i was edgy naturally and i was allowed to be a real little bit of a uh hellion of a tomboy right it was when the hormones kicked in that i went oh you look nice because i think there's a reason i need to look nice i think i need need to kind of attract these guys somehow.
Yeah. I didn't really care. But anyway, so, you know, you flash forward to my age group now older. And, you know, there's a few of us that are like me, but what they've done is they've added alcohol. That's their go-to, right? It's the red wine and the white wine.
And then we all complain to each other because the red wine and the white especially the red wine causes you to have hot flashes when you're in menopause we all switched to white wine we all called each other i don't think the red wine's working do the white but i just stopped that i just was like i can't do this i don't feel that good when i drink it doesn't take me to a fun place anymore you know it used to be we'd have fun when we drink then it just devolved into a let's complain about the ex-husband you know like who uh nobody's talking about fun stuff nobody's talking about sex and good fun stuff so so let's go back in so now you're in that pool and those two women were towards you and you felt that sense of safety yes what's about the rest of that night because oh it's hilarious oh my god it was hilarious first of all total like i am like a born-again virgin parent basically i know nothing about this time so one woman one of the two women said let me get you a drink now i'd already been drinking so that's a bad start well a good way kind of like i got the took the edge off to get me in there but then i was you know how you get on a roll sir oh i can do shots sure so she's buying me shots buying me shots i've had about three now i'm like oh and then i'm thinking why is this woman buying me drinks yeah i think because i was in a bit of a blurry place i didn't realize she was hitting on me yeah which was pretty funny because i had never been hit on before right and all or just by a woman uh no i know by women i'd never been in a place where i've been around bisexual or okay so i didn't catch the mind like thanks for the drinks oh but she did get me to go on oh my god because i've had a few she did this is a very funny story i hope none of my adult children ever see this because this is the funniest part but good because i need i already broken the ice a few times right got in the pool and then i drank and then i saw this thing called a sibian okay now i'm looking at this thing with my and i've got a towel wrapped around me and there were a whole bunch of us it was the sibian night and i'm looking at this thing going Thank you.
okay now I'm looking at this thing with my and I've got a towel wrapped around me on and there were a whole bunch of us it was the Sibian night and I'm looking at this thing going hmm so I thought it'd be very clever and I would take two towels and make and go on it because I was being encouraged by this woman go go go you got to try it you got to try it okay fine what can't do right so I'm on it and my my my head my head is facing the wall so nobody I think nobody comes to know who it is right I'm like yeah and this young woman is running the thing and it was like I remember leaning over and going will you marry me I?
I was like, whoa, or can I take this home? That was like a real icebreaker. So then there's a young man who I didn't know had seen me. And it was his first night. So we're both newbies. So he came up to me and went, hey, I just saw you in that thing. I'm like, yeah, that's kind of cool. Now, I've been drinking, so I was a little bit more outgoing than I was going to be. And I'm pretty outgoing at the normal. So when I'm drinking, it's like, oh, hey, you know, I'm like that.
If you get me, ask me to go on this dance with me, well, I will. Just because, you know, why not? So he said, so, and I went, so, what do we do? do we decided there were kind of in our weird head the two of us being newbies both with the first night we decided we were supposed to have sex kind of in a weird way it was kind of funny we didn't know what we were doing we went upstairs we're with a bunch of people and then we're all like he's looking at me I I'm looking at him.
Literally, it lasted a minute and a half. Not the worst sex I ever had, but close. And then we didn't know what to do. We looked at each other and went, oh, okay. Well, thank you. We went back to the lockers and said, am I supposed to take your phone number and I said, I don't okay, yeah, sure it was like newbie crazy but fun, I mean fun never have I done that before never knew that's where that night was going to go not from the moment I walked in I did not know that Thank you.
um never have i done that before uh never knew that's where that night was going to go not from the moment i walked in i did not know that um and then i remember leaving at about 12 30 i had taken the subway and said i need to get out of there and catch the subway and i kind of didn't want to leave but he was leaving so we'd said our goodbyes so i thought okay maybe you can walk me on the subway yeah so he did i've never seen that man again never um but that's a new thing for me right that's to see anybody again never never do that or sex is an exchange and that is it yeah and that was it and so i get on the phone 12 30 at night and i get my friend and i go oh my god I'm screaming into the phone on walking along college street just on fire about this crazy night I just had and how much fun it was and what a smorgasbord of things around sex that I'd never seen before or knew about you know anyway that that was the first night and so i kind of got a little addicted as i found out later it is pretty typical at first to feel like it's a smorgasbord of choices and you're just delighted with all the choices yeah um and I mean that calms down after a while right but and i'm a lot pickier than i was like begin i mean the young man category has not been my favorite right um why is that no no and i'm not a teacher dong type gotcha so i usually say go and find someone to teach and i you know get back i feel the same i feel the same absolutely is is a genre of people or like whatever you want to call it like to train especially the uger dynamic or the older woman but for some of us that is just just because we make it the age profile doesn't mean that we mean exactly no and um but i do you know encourage them to think about you know the ego the penis centricity of their sex of their their you know interactions with women um this is a very typical young man thing you know but i did do so much research you unpack that though like what does that yeah so what i i did a lot a lot of research over these years i was like drinking through a fire hose oh my god this is amazing um i went into physiology i went into psychology i went into you know listening to a couple's therapist around sex and what all this means so the one of the things and i did a presentation at oasis um around this Yeah, one of the things that I thought was fascinating is I have three brothers and three sons.
How many times between my three brothers and my three sons have they touched their penis? Can we count? No. Hundreds of thousands of times.
And they've even seen the baby boys do it in the world now why is that significant because first of all i was a young mother i remember a babysitter saying your son two and a half year old he's sitting watching cartoons with his hands down the pants and his pajamas i'm 26 year old little boy and i went if you had a thing hanging between your leg and you were two and a half you'd be touching it too that's what i that's the wisdom i had at 26 i knew there was something wrong with make me making it a bad thing that he touched his own penis no that's stupid however what that does do to the neural pathways in the male physique is they've got a pleasure center neural pathway that's being real into their body like like that's why it's one of the reasons it's so strong because they're repeating the behavior so many times that it just is going to and it's actually uh over by the time they're two and a half those um neural pathways or brain cells are not using get culled and die off.
So if they're touching themselves a lot, and they're getting a lot of pleasure, it's even more so. So here we are as little girls. I remember, I was six, jumping on the couch, just been out playing.
My mom was calling me me for dinner and I had to yell out to her from the couch give me give me a minute I didn't know why all I knew was if I pushed my two legs together really and then I go okay I'm ready for dinner I'm six I didn't know that that's what I was exercising was this was the beginning of the contraction of my my vulva and my you know the whole yeah and i've had other friends say they used to a little girl one of my friends she was taken to task by the teachers because she was found rubbing up against the poles she was five so we don't have the same way to stimulate ourselves that it's repetitive so it takes quite a bit longer for us to to get those neural pathways to our pleasure set yeah right so so of course the man's walking around with this heat seeking pleasure device going where can i put it right i get it i get it but anyway that's true so now you go to the how often do you go to sex clubs now um i've gone to m4 i've gone to x club um m4 for dancing more than anything uh x club only twice um haven't gone to the one in oakville i hear there is one in my excellent yeah oh yeah is it good i don't know um but you know oasis became my community and i did spend one summer before covet so i must have been 65 at that point um where i decided i was going to pretend i was 16 again and i was going to pretend i was going out every night you know how you do that when you're 16 where are you going where do you want to go i don't know where do you know you do that with your girlfriends at least i did whoever had a car we'd all chip in for gas and you know we don't who knows where nowhere so this time it's at 65 i pretend i was 16 and i would go to oasis every night i did it all summer it was five dollars to get in like best deal in town and i pretended it was my cottage in the city and i most of the time just floated around the pool and and then went to the smoking area and had amazing conversations which i adore about a sex club is you can say hey how's your clip yeah you can say fun you know have you thought of anal sex what are you doing i don't know i don't know much about it you know like you can actually say that out loud and it's not a big deal that is as much value to me as anything else it's true the community of people that show up are the ones that are going to appreciate a vulgar joke yes it's not offensive no it's inclusive inclusivity and acceptance non-judgmental vibe yeah you walk in there and say oh my gaping asshole blah blah they're gonna laugh right like it's friends that are like i'm upset because you embarrass me like they're not people they're going to appreciate that your fire you know and it has brought um i mean i have a friend who's also older not as old as me she's only 61 um and we came up with a really cool way because we started to realize the young men were Thank you.
um i mean i have a friend who's also older not as old as me she's only 61 um and we came up with a really cool way because we started to realize the young men were not well they're hitting on us but not hitting on us they just want to have a conversation they don't know what to do they're like the wallflowers of the place when they come in you know i feel badly for them if they don't have game oh honest to god it's painful to watch them um you know i have to do a quick shout out so i actually have a youtube channel with a playlist called advice for singles who want to go to oasis but don't want to go alone it is a long-winded title but it does the trick there are videos where you can learn how to talk to people how to be more interesting and engaging in a sex club the etiquettes the do's and don'ts things like that so i have the links in the description of this podcast or youtube videos that you can actually mentally prepare yourself so that you can thrive in the social dynamic whether or not your dick gets touched or not it's really up to you but at least this way you'll understand the etiquette and the norms and things like that so i have to do those kind of shout outs when they come fantastic and i'm so glad you're doing it because it's good work it's it's a lot work um so some people would disagree but i don't know i know what you mean everybody's got a short attention span i get it but what we over speaking to young men over and over and over we got it really down i think i might have mentioned this one to you when i saw you there because you have to be in front of them you have to see the body language and you have to read them fast because the question is just really simple and really fast and if you do it over the phone it doesn't work you do it by text definitely doesn't work it's getting the sense of who they are and my friend interviews young men she specializes in young men and at first I was helping her it was really fun by the way I had no interest in them but I was it was fun to get to understand who would be the good ones to teach and who wouldn't be you know so with a quick question you ask them is do you get pleasure from giving a woman pleasure and if they go oh yeah like it's automatic you know slip you know trip up their tongue Then you got, and the body language is good.
Then, you know, they've got it in them and they've already experienced it a little bit, but many of them wait and look at you and trying to decide what's the right answer. And then they go, yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Sure.
Well, that's when we would say, you know, we can't can't you know you're not quite there yet and there may be a way to teach what what my friend does and i think it's brilliant is she doesn't let them touch her at first they get naked they have a shower and then she touches them and shows them how she wants to be touched and it's slow very very slow and it's very like showing them what long foreplay is they don't know they don't get it they seem foreign they don't get it they don't know what the joy is of that and where it will take a woman if you give her long foreplay and when they feel it themselves they all of a sudden understand so don't tell me porn's doing them any good I don't think it is honestly I don't I have to think about it but that's just me because they don't have the smell they don't have the taste they don't have all the other juiciness around all the other senses they've got visual and they get stuck on the visual and they get dopamine hits We'll be right back.
all the other juiciness around all the others you know senses they've got visual and they get stuck on the visual and they get dopamine hits from looking at the visual but then they have to take it a notch to get the same i've been studying this and it's all about dopamine hits right so anyway i've had a conversation at the club about can we take the sack with the porn down that didn't go very well but you know when my friend is training the young man she says no more porn for three days and no and don't master them no don't and and it for it forces them to take it down cool their jets stop with the dopamine hits stop with the pleasure center and then when they see a woman's body and they touch a woman's body yeah they can enjoy it in the natural way it should be enjoyed without all the other bells and whistles it's that's it's a real basic basic thing that you know i mean i met young women who say i went they came to to me one of them got to like me and came to me and said francesca i when i have sex with my boyfriend she's 21 i think she worked there actually and really nice girl and she said i can't orgasm without my vibrator my boyfriend can't do it and i said well you're going to have to give that thing up a while aren't you and you're gonna have to go the slow way the regular way you have to become addicted to it my dear it's a you know it's so anyway that's my little those are my little helps that i try to do from my perspective as an older woman and yeah you know and it's really going back to nature it's going back i don't when i say don't drink too much because you get desensitized that doesn't go over so well at a club because they make money that's how they exist from the liquor sales so if i had all the money in the world and afford to do it i would do a sex club more like a spa yeah without alcohol without porn you know what I mean but it's not part of the culture at the moment yeah you know anyway not everything is for everyone and that's oh absolutely I mean um what's that night down to buck night yeah terrified me terrified me and I had to face my fears um my friend who was guiding me through all this my older friend goes there she would look at me and go francesca no judgy judge face because my face would register horror right um and i had to learn to just take the face down and take a deep breath this is not your jam this is not what you like but this is what they like yeah and the first time i saw uh down the clock night um i had a physical fear reaction and my body went into fear and it went into i gotta get the heck out of here i can't be here i this is an attack that's what where my that's not that wasn't my head that was what my my body was doing my body was just going i gotta get out of here i was so intense i got the heck out of there and then the next week i said to myself you got to go back in there you've got to go back in there you got to face this what was it that she wasn't being raped you know she wasn't but it felt like it and and then I made a point of looking at her face and I went oh for Pete's sake she's loving it it was because I had put myself in her place where I wouldn't love it I wouldn't be feeling good and um and but the woman who was doing it was loving it and that's And i went oh okay she's safe she's okay she feels good i have to take my own stuff and work on it i have to build on that story because you've triggered something for me that was really interesting i was also new to the sex club lifestyle a few years ago i was new to a lot of kink new to a lot of things and i remember watching my female friend who said that she wanted to have gang bangs and whatever she wanted and I remember seeing a guy basically just like walk up to her like put his dick in her kind of like come on her face and walk away and I said I can't believe he just did that I can't believe he didn't even speak to you or like I didn't even and she's like that's what I wanted I wanted I know and i was like i know now completely understand this feeling of wanting to be used for your sexual holes like a dirty little whore i love the the genre of that too well isn't it amazing how most people outside that the chocolate world would not consider that an evolution but we do yes because it's something we had to break through to the other side now that doesn't mean i go and do it yeah i don't and when i have sex ever since that first night i'm in the private room that's it i want to be able to howl at the moon and make noise and do my floppy fish and i try to do it in front of people i can't i can't i get all right anxious and i'm not an anxious person so for me to get anxious is a weird feeling like why do i feel this way i gotta listen to my body yeah i had a i had a guy who tried to do it every which way and every time there were people around and i'm on my back i'm seeing the legs around me and i'm going i can't i can't okay he got the text he turns out he was very wealthy when he I went to the legs around me and I'm going, I can't, I can't.
And he went, okay, he got the text. He turns out he was very wealthy when he went to the Thompson Hotel. And I went, okay, well, this is good. I'm in. So, you know, I responded to him because he goes, okay, fine. I've got a hotel room. He was in for Montreal. I went, okay. So, but again, that's my, my level.
I like just letting loose and free and my sexuality and I and I'm not a voyeur myself I don't really watch much at all I watched a couple that I know who performed a porn scene but I only because I knew them and I want to see what they were like and but i don't watch it i mean i always think of watching sex or watching porn as watching someone else eat a good meal yeah like i don't get a whole lot out of it like oh that's a meal that i'm not eating oh that's kind of dumb um i don't learn a lot from it usually i learn more from someone doing something to know but i did go to a lot of things about how to do the best um uh hand job okay yeah that was a 45 minute thing on hand jobs i was taking notes for a while there i was like the student okay notes oh anal sex i've never done that how does that work how come it works why does it work you know oh there's this little plug thing you know like i really was like a kid in a can store about the good instruction you can get there um i don't think the porn that they project on the screens there on the screens or any of that is really good instruction but i will listen to a good like dr j Jess, she comes there and she's great.
And I happen to be good friends with her husband and he's in the same business as I am. And when he saw me at the club, I went, Hey, it was like, we're in two different worlds. Right. And he's, I think he's traveling with her. She's doing super well. So to your point, when we met, and I think your friend mentioned it too, it might be an idea to try. I know you were thinking of it as well. The lady who used to be on the radio that we all love. What was her name? Was she Johansson? Yes.
Sue Johansson.
She was on the TV too because she was on nights at like 8 p.m yeah yeah i still i don't know if there's anybody out there doing that it's funny because she was my role model and i remember you know growing up thinking thank goodness there's someone out there yes like this about sex yeah it's interesting as i do look around now and i don't mean to diminish anyone out there making an impact but i don't see that that big ballsy brave brazen voice in the same way and part of me wants to help fill that that space um not just about the swinger lifestyle but about sex overall yes and i think there's a huge need for it and when i first jumped in and was drinking from the fire hose of all this great information and i was trying to tell friends who didn't want to hear it you know i was at breakfast at a girlfriend's my best friend's sister's house we're all in our 60s my friend's sister i've known her since she was 12 she's now 60 whatever and she goes so we're jessica what have you been doing i said i've been studying clitoris I'm sorry.
I'm was 12. She's now 60, whatever. And she goes, so, Francesca, what have you been doing? I said, I've been studying clitoris. And her husband choked on his cereal. And she looked at me and said, hey, Bruce is here. And I said, I'm sure your husband knows about the clit. And my friend took me aside because it was her sister, my best friend.
And she know you got to read your audience that maybe wasn't a good thing to flirt out at breakfast and i said i thought it was funny come on and she goes i know but you got to read your audience so i know that i'm a little i love the drama not drama but the excitement of it and the fun yeah and and not a lot of people respond always so well to that but i think the generations that are coming up you know not the johansson generation but your generation i imagine you're you know you're 30s yeah i'm millennial yeah so yeah yeah um you do have a gentler style right it's part of the culture of your time um i'm also an empath so i'm a healer as well there you go yes so i come at oh yeah a good heart i mean i did reiki again this one i did 1988.
I did third degreeiki 1988 i was a baby i was actually 38 what was i yesterday i was leaving my first marriage and i went into down a spiritual path because i needed to do that and i took reiki and i still do it i still do it on myself i still yeah i love it um so i'm not i'm not an empath i'm just um yeah one who listens to her body and tries to listen to intuition and right but I do I still step out and I don't read my audience always as well as I should because I think it's funny and I'm herinated soul I think and I think that's what's so interesting is I can 100% relate with that feeling I love to feel the reaction in someone when I shock them but I don't I don't abuse it but I know it's funny I think it's funny to talk about something interesting instead of the weather but yes it's true that it does shock people and whatnot but so so what you know right I'm like yeah this is 30 I know of his crowd and he's a quiet type yeah he has a girlfriend and stuff but i know at christmas i put on a spread for all his friends and of the six male friends i would say three are virgins and they're 30 and you know what i wanted to do if i knew i was not going to make it much longer and i know i had no more fucks to give i was going to invite his free three friends in the club and come jump in the pool naked let's go we're going to talk because these poor young men we don't have any game at all none and they're good kids they're kids yeah at 31 i had three children i was running a business i mean i don't relate to this how young they are at that age but imagine at university you're not allowed to lean over and say to go that is what i'm trying to talk about it's not the politics of it it's not and we've got all that to worry about too and you're right yeah don't bring it into the subject they need you you really they do need you we need i hope the voice matt i hope it adds value i hope that it absolutely sex entirely because it's just it's been so indoctrinated in our brains that just like you said the touching at an early age bad bad why why is it so bad it's a fucking fidget spinner below our you know you know what you were supposed to do i know i know yeah it's hard to be a young mother of three boys i'm tired i can imagine um but anyway yeah so do you i mean you're doing good work and i really hope it just goes through the roof i mean it's and you're very articulate and a joy to be around so you are you know a thriving woman who has had you know her kids her marriages relationships you've been in sex club culture and you've seen that develop over the time too and so you've got an advantage point that maybe a lot of other people listening could only dream of and so I want to say if you could give advice to somebody who might even be an older older aged woman who thinks the best years of her life are behind her what would that advice be to help her understand that they're not um the advice i usually am asked a fair bit about this um especially women in their 40s who seem to think and 50s when they're going to manifest um i call it power through it power through it you have to exercise more than you would normally you have to burn out the pipes like i used to do um five six days a week of um on the on the spin bikes just power through it your body loves it and then listen to your body and say oh it feels better already and then take up and i hate to hear this nobody likes this advice no sugar no bread no rice no wine no booze no snow like it's all the things that you would give to a child to keep them well give it to yourself it's a very simple thing but it's it's simple but not easy so I learned that the difference between myself at 60 or 70 and other women is that I've been doing that my whole life like I've been very mindful of how I feel and I would check myself and I would exercise extra hard if I you know it was a stress relief for me so my mojo oh yeah I don't take any supplements I had a gynecologist try to give me a supplement with hormones in it and I said to him wouldn't that prevent my own body from producing huh I said yeah no my body it's producing's producing fine i'm doing okay so again listen to your body and then do what you would do to a child like feed them well make them exercise yeah no drugs no alcohol it's it's and it's gotten more so as i've gotten older i could drink a little bit at 60 i could drink not as much at 65 i'm hitting 70 it's gotten more so as I've gotten older.
I could drink a little bit at 60. I could drink not as much at 65. I'm hitting 70. It's like, I feel like yuck when I drink. And I think that's where it goes. So it doesn't go well. It doesn't go in the direction you'd like it to go. Do you always think, yay, when I'm older, I can party? No, no, the opposite.
And so that's really the main theme is it all, when I learned why I was different from other women is i'd spend a lot more time and attention feeling my body and liking it and enjoying it and allowing it to have pleasure and a lot of women cut that off yeah men too right anyway so that's the advice yes that's beautiful and i'm glad that uh know, it's nice to see that at any age, the sky is the limit of what's available to us, especially a place like, you know, sex clubs exist where you can walk in and you will find somebody interesting, even if it's just socially that night.
And where can you say that as even anybody to walk in and feel so welcome, right?
And so I just, even if you are widowed and you lose your best friend in life, like you said, you know know you don't have to feel alone all the time and when you go to these clubs even when you are alone you can feel safe and you can feel yeah I mean my grandmother used to say it now I'm living it I may be alone but I'm not lonely yeah because you like your own company yes that's important and I didn't realize how important that is you know i spent one one my friends and i talk about the years we spent being touched by babies we either had a baby on her hip we're running around the park like you are over when i meet young husband and say my wife's not interested in the sex i say how many little ones do you have at home well three i said she's being touched all day long the studies show she's overstimulated from touch she doesn't want to be touched when she's trying to go to sleep at night like it's not she doesn't love you men think if you don't have sex with them you don't love them um it's just that she's overstimulated and i was that girl and now i'm not being touched at all how weird is that so it's so it's it's very fascinating to note to the touch is so important yes yeah it really is go to these clubs and find that even if you're yeah you could just be like hey i'm looking to have a cuddle session you want to say yes so you want to do a back rub i suggest every man learn how to do a good back rub it's's true.
Yeah? Isn't it true? It's good. It's a good skill to pull out in a group. Mm-hmm. Yep. So anyway, I'm so glad we were able to do this. And you're a real treat. And keep going. Keep doing the do. And I hope that you can become your generation, Sue Johansson. Very needed. Very needed. Thank you for saying that.
and thank you for adding your voice to this big i like to call it a mosaic i know that's more of a visual thing but every voice in this lifestyle gives credibility to it and also validation for people who may not recognize themselves in me or are or amelia or the other people i project on my channel and so it's nice to show so many people who can benefit from just finding what i call their tribe in life which is the sex community and you can take those masks that offend everyone else and just be yourself so yeah yeah and not to worry about all those other people it's they've got their own stuff zero fucks how do you get zero fucks to give you know and i feel badly for them because they're trying to find the happy place as we all are and they're doing it in a but they think they're doing it the right way right they think that the drinking and the you know all that you know it's the right way and i get it because the real we're all looking for that pleasure and and we all look for it differently and i found it you know through orgasm i love orgasm yeah yeah thank you so much thank you thank you
