I see no one really is looking for single males

To all of you,

SLS is not the lifestyle. So don’t judge it as such. It’s just a site used to connect like minded ppl. There are other sites that may be more to your liking that are lifestyle oriented.

SLS is more conservative than the others, for sure. It has an older crowd and is primarily popular in the South Eastern, Eastern and some Midwestern states. You may not think that’s important, but it plays a big factor into what ppl expect to see and read in a profile. Just look at the profiles of ppl in your area. What are they looking for? What type of ppl are they seeking? If you don’t understand the platform (SLS) in the location you’re in, you’ll only end up spinning your tires.

Hope that helps.

TX

To Cuddle,

I hope you weren’t paying thinking it was going be an orgy and open legs at every turn????

But if you work it right, you could find yourself in the thick and thin of those types of scenarios/events.

The site is all about presentation and navigating. Use it for those purposes only. Visit the Meet and Greets and parties, and get your face out there. You’ll have way more success if you do. If your profile and pics need work, fix them. Make your profile concise and personal. When it comes to pics, everyone has their preferences, so you really can’t please everyone. However, play to your strengths. If you dress well, show that somehow. If you workout or are active, present it.

Most ppl will tell you to smile and do all that, and have not one pic of their faces in their public gallery ??. Also if you’re an introvert or extrovert you’re pics will show that. Pics of only yourself in a certain manner or selfies vs pics with ppl around or while you’re in the outdoors gives off different info to those looking at them.

Kill the bathroom selfies, of course. But a bathroom pic doesn’t constitute as terrible when it’s done properly (phone on timer or someone takes the photo, clean mirror and background).

To MegaCab,

It would be nice to get a reply but even in our daily lives we don’t respond to every email that comes in our inbox. I personally know a female that has over 200 messages in her inbox (SLS) right now and she’ll tell you it’s overwhelming to have to sift through each email, check out the profile and determine interest. She’ll literally be at it all week because once she’s seen online, she will just be flooded with more emails. Many of them not to her liking. The same goes for a couple. Their inboxes aren’t like that of single male, where we may get 1 message in 3 or 4 weeks. They’re possibly getting 15-40 in a month, some are.

My suggestion, don’t look for a quick reply. Send the message and don’t think about it for a week or so. You’ll be surprised about how many couples will finally reply to the emails you sent weeks prior. And get off the site and attend M&Gs. You’ll make more connections there.

And replace Blue Generic as your profile pic. Generics aren’t the best look and it looks worst for single guys. In my opinion, any profile with a generic(s) shows laziness, especially if the profile has been up for more than a few days.

To Papi,

SLS isn’t primarily a hook up site. P*F or T^nd4r would be better options for that. However “hooking up” does happen in the lifestyle, considering that the lifestyle encompasses many aspects of sexual interaction. But it is not what the lifestyle is primarily about. It’s merely a environment that allows ppl to be uninhibited in their sexual desires and gives them the opportunity to explore them with other like minded individuals. That involves communication, connection and conversation for the most part.

And if you’re looking to play in private comfort as a single male, this probably isn’t the best environment for your preference. As a single male you will be WATCHED a lot while playing. And I mean A LOT. If you playing in front of others bothers you, you will have difficulty in this environment.

To YoungBully,

That “button” would be of some use. Other sites, I use, have what they call standard letters or generic messages that are created or can be created to answer emails. Many of them have the “not interested” message in their listing. This button wouldn’t stop those who couldn’t take no for an answer, however.

The majority of the single ladies who enjoy the lifestyle aren’t even on the site. That’s the funny thing. They have no reason to be on it when they can easily attend a lifestyle party, get in free, and enjoy themselves. All they need is the date and the location. You’ll have better luck going to a fetish event or vanilla club , finding a lady there and bringing her to a lifestyle event than you do of finding a female on the site. The majority of women will only meet you at a lifestyle event when first coming into contact. Your outlet? Joining groups and going to meet and greets in your area. Couples like to, for lack of a better description, “whore out”, or introduce their playmates to each other. It’s how most build their network of vast connections. Most will have a single woman or two in the mix they can introduce you to.

Cuddleking, I looked at your profile last night and just wasn't in the mood to be as blunt as rabbit was this morning.

However, since that ice has been broken...

Go over to Better Profiles and read a bunch of the threads, focusing on those for single guys. Since most of you make similar errors, you'll probably find some useful advice. At the very least, you'll find encouragement to burn any bathroom selfie you're tempted to post.

Cuddle- sorry you’re not having luck but I don’t think you’re fishing with the right bait.

What kind of messages are you sending out? Are theY generic/spam/one liners? Or are they personal and witty? Are you writing something that will intrigue or something that will make them yawn?

Your pictures are bad. Bathroom selfies are the hallmark of SMs that think they found the garden of fucking. You haven’t. Your pictures are unflattering to put it mildly. I see nothing that makes me want to see more.

Your profile is drab and uninteresting. It’s all about you, not about what you have to offer. The lifestyle is about fantasies. An SM’s main purpose is to help people live out those fantasies and if you do it right, you get to live out yours too.

Plus, you’ve been on for one month. You have to work at it and be patient. We aren’t a bunch of nymphos that have been locked in a dungeon having our desires repressed. We have been living our fantasies and looking for the next one to come about. No one is going to jump on your dick simply because you have one. We’re looking for quality.

Improve your quality and you’ll likely have more luck.

~rabbit ~

Forgive the typos

Omg I know what you mean, I beginning to think paying for a lifetime membership was a mistake because all of the people in my area a just not interested at all. Sending messages feels like a waste of time on here. They’ll just view your profile and move on.

Also hard to do, even if a good message is sent, when the SM's profile stresses he's on the "down-low" with limited playtime. Screams. "I'm married and cheating". I'd rather just block them because any reply I sent would not be welcome.

~rabbit~

Hard to do when single males 4-5 a day send dick photos, IM;s with wanna fuck, I wanna fuck her brains out.. and every other rude crude remark one can imagine.. especially since CL closed down

AND we love and enjoy our classy single males.. but done with these idiots and jerks.. they now get an immediate block vs any communiaction.

As a NEWBIE i agree if you read it just say no thank you at this time or something i answer everyone

I ( F part of a couple ) like truly single males, actually prefer them over couples as it is hard to get 4 on the same page. The more local and can host the better.

pretty sure that line is older than Mike Myers - I remember my grandmother saying that in the 1970s if not earlier

Funny things that run through my mind:

Do you remember the old MIke Myers line:
"you put the wrong emPHAsis on the wrong syLLAble“

That’s how I keep hearing that last paragraph.

Its tough enough for most single males to get past the "okay we're interested enough to respond to this guy" stage. But as for activities, socials, clubs, etc. Single males don't really have an outlet and since most single women are scooped up by couples. I feel like there should be a section for single women and couples that are specifically open to and searching for single males. So most single males could stop flooding messages. Also I think a button that people could click that's kind of like a "not interested" button to show people that aren't interested to take their time somewhere else instead of wondering if that person even read the message or not. And that could restrict people from messaging for a short-long term while

I'm totally into guys single or not.

Maybe your profile needs work? I don't reply to blank or goofy propaganda profiles.

If you can't show your face you don't belong here.

Hope this helps Sue

Papi,

We normally don’t open our profile to single guys because we don’t want to be bothered by the continuous stream of “hey, baby”s. We have four single guys coming to our upcoming house party, so I know for a fact that some single guys on this site have fun.

We are in agreement that someone like you is not going to have a lot of success hooking up with single women.
If you are looking for single women, you have to go where the single women are.

@hotluvrs

You're not interested in single males so your reply is what my original post pertains to. Most couples here are not looking for single men to play with. And if they are, they only 'play' as a couple. I particularly like to play alone and we all have preferences and I respect that. Just stating a fact as a single male on the site.

Papi, you're right. SLS isn't the place for SMs looking for a "hookup", because this isn't a "hookup" site. It's a swingers/lifestyle site, which is a different animal entirely.

But in a more general sense, if you're not satisfied with your results, then change something. Rewrite your profile, get a new wardrobe, take new and different photos, get out to clubs or meet/greets, get serious about gym time, change your mindset when you message people you're interested in etc. There's a gazillion things you can do to make a difference. Your success or failure is in YOUR hands. Whining about how SLS isn't what you thought it was or that almost everyone here are just a bunch of fakes/posers who aren't interested in meeting/playing (a new couple splashed that complaint across the forums earlier today) isn't going to get you anywhere.

The fact is, making connections with other folks takes WORK. It's just as difficult to meet people in the lifestyle as it is in the vanilla world. The sooner that you accept that, then the sooner you can do what is necessary to actually be successful.

Another CL refugee?

~Scamp

Papiaintgotskillz,

You profile can not be viewed by couples, which I find to be a bit strange coming from someone who is complaining about not being able to find a hook up.

Since you are straight, you must only be looking for single women. It’ll be better for you to use Tinder, or go to your local bar.

If you are looking to go to lifestyle events (house parties, clubs, meetNgreets) you will need to step up your game. There are a lot of single guys on this site that do very well. They have cracked the code. You can too.

This site is truly not for single men looking for a hookup or good time! I can attest to this! Good post!

I've been with some fine couples here and single women. You have to know how to email couples and what they look for in single guys in the lifestyle. If you aren't getting responses you are doing something wrong.

The flip side of that trainer is that a lot of guys identify solely as a dick. -Scamp

Very true. But that’s also how some cpls and females view single men. That’s why you see size preferences in many of their profiles.

For the most part, if a SM meets that preference, is decent looking and can hold a conversation, he’s bound to play.

So for a single male, it’s an easy in to say something about their penis. When it comes to the term BBC, you just have to be African-American to fit the description. You may not even have a bbc but you can call yourself a BBC and others will as well when referring to you.

I remember when I started out, I would reference myself as being well endowed and I was successful. Many of the cpls and singles I met were looking for a particular experience which offered me those opportunities. It became apparent, however, that they were more intrigued by what was between my legs than me as person. Oddly enough, the husbands were more into it than their wives, so I had to change up.

The funny thing about playing as a single male is that you have to be fluid.

A single male can be playing with two different cpls at the same time. One cpl just wants fun. Come over, give the wife a good time and leave. Finding a man with a large endowment is what they’re looking for. The other cpl is more reserved. They want the guy to have a connection with the wife. Go on dates with her and give her the boyfriend experience.

In the end, they’re playing with same individual. How the SM approaches each cpl maybe different of course. But both cpls read the same profile and expected two different things.

When catering to others, cpls and singles, you have to walk a line that allows you to attract a variety ppl in different situations.

A statement about my endowment may turn you off, but a statement of me loving to dance and cook may keep you interested. And that can be vice versa for another

I can’t pick what’s going to catch your attention. The only I can do is put it out there.

So for the guys that speak of themselves in that manner, that maybe off putting to you, there’s a cpl somewhere looking for that exact thing.