Profile help

Well, in that case, thank you sir!! It's much appreciated. I'm a stickler for grammar and punctuation too.

You're very welcome. Thanks for being such a good sport about the whole thing.

Nope. I just read a lot and am picky about language. Also, while I'm sure Mrs. mayhem is a lovely woman, it's Mr. mayhem who posts. ;-)

Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies. All excellent suggestions. I even like myself better now! LOL MsMolly, are you an English teacher by chance? You definitely know how to construct prose!

Well, this is much, much better. I'm the nitpicky one, so there are still some changes I'd suggest.

The first is your age range (can't believe I missed that one), which is currently young enough to be your child if you started early to three years your senior. You are signaling that you have just three more years of sexual life left to you and that women have a pretty abrupt pull date. The range itself will make every woman 45 and over just roll her eyes at your vanity.

In English, word order is a funny thing, so to avoid the intimation that you're hiking the airplanes, etc., move that phrase to just before "love to travel." You can leave out the overly explanatory "Guinness Stout and the like," because most of us don't live under rocks and know something about dark beers.

Also an improvement if you leave out the don't like to kiss and tell thing, which is unnecessarily coy as well as redundant. The next sentence is fine and tells an actual story. And for reasons of grammar, it's probably better to use a second hyphen after "behavior," but that's really nitpicky even for me.

Other than that, the sentence about biting is a cliche that can be successfully left in the trash heap and the part about "unless God has plans..." is less definite than you might hope. God might plan for you to go have coffee with a long lost friend instead, you know? So, if you mean unless you're not breathing, say that. Or whatever it is you actually mean.

And that's all I have. Which isn't much. Really nice job.

Much better - and such a joyful expression in the picture used as profile default now!

I'd not contact you because I'm outside your age preference range but if you contacted us I'd exchange messages towards possibly meeting - so you might want to rethink that range a bit.

Thanks Mayhem, agreed. A profile can communicate only a small fraction of who a person/couple are.

Looks better. Any time you can better identify who you are looking for and what you want to do with them if you find them is only going to help you.

I'm of the opinion that even a great profile will only get you so far. We easily meet and play with 4x more people at/from LS parties than we do online, so try to get out there and mingle when/where possible.

Okay MsMolly, Wife, and Mayhem, I've made changes based on your very astute input. I still need to get some new pics taken but how does the text look now? I want it to be so good that I get an invite to join each of you!! :) Seriously, thanks so much for your help. Mark

Thank you ladies! I really appreciate the critique and the pointers. I'm going to make some updates and come back for more review. Have a wonderful day!

On the up side, you have ample description and provide conversation points, but agree that the Looking For could use a bit more effort. You succinctly say you're looking for couples and singles, but there is no mention of what you actually want to do with them beyond friendships.

It doesn't need to be detailed or graphic, but something in a general sense even though you might think that's implied. Something like, would enjoy helping a husband bring more pleasure to his Mrs and/or comfortable being watched while I pleasure her. Would enjoy a SF to do things 1 on 1 in and out of the bedroom and perhaps a partner in crime at LS events.

Ditto with the Fantasies. We get that your experienced, but what does that mean in broad terms. The "More fun to talk in person" is kind of like saying you want clean people. Things that are a given provide no real value to mention. Lots of people do it, but there are so many other better ways to fill a profile.

I'm probably the kinder. gentler profile reviewer that MsMolly speaks of - but I'm going to be blunt as well. Your profile isn't horrid but it is so out of balance that I'd pass you by. MsMolly has given you a lot of good specific advice - hopefully I won't repeat too much of it.

I prefer profiles that are reasonably balanced - the range for age preference has your age in the middle and the various sections are similar in length. Leaving the age range at the default of 18 to 99 leads me to believe you'll fuck anyone. Only one line in Looking For but several paragraphs in Description is equally not appealing.

Add a bit of info to Looking For. Are you happy with one-time encounters or do you prefer something ongoing? Do you like out-doors types or dance-all-night people? Description and Fantasies should only include enough information to entice others to contact you (makes it easier to keep things balanced when all the sections are fairly short). Pare down Description - don't tell us anything that is in your stats or show in pictures. All that internal explanation should stay internal - you can get into that when you meet someone if appropriate. Fantasies/Experience should tell us in a general way what you've enjoyed and what is still on your bucket list.

You should read other reviews for Velma's picture advice for single gentlemen - using her system you only need three types of pictures. Two of you pictures work great but the selfie needs to be deleted. You are probably concentrating but unfortunately appear to be scowling - is that really an image you think will attract women? For now get someone to take a full body picture when you're dressed nicely and next summer get a beach or pool picture if you want (or some other activity when being shirtless makes sense). Smile, watch for clutter or visual chaos in the background and avoid selfies.

Let us know if you would like some additional advice after your revised profile is approved.

Good luck and have fun!

~Phoebert's Wife

Hi. I really, really hope you've done some investigating in this section so the bluntness doesn't shock you. It's all kindly meant, but even the kindest among those who often comment in Better Profiles (and that would not be me) are apt to not be roundabout in their critiques. So, if it feels harsh, and it probably will, try to keep in mind that the goal is remove roadblocks that might be in the way of getting as much sex as you like with compatible folks.

I'll additionally warn you that my overall impression of your profile is not positive, because you've made some choices that make you sound like a complete wanker in places. The thing is, I don't think that's accurate, an impression that is I formed even before I read your cert.

So, first, part of the problem is that you've given two scant lines to the people you want to attract while using up a lot of real estate talking about yourself. Like, yes, we want to know about you, but you haven't given anyone a chance to really see themselves in what you're looking for and the imbalance is quite striking.

So, think a little more about who you're looking for and see if you can eke out one more line. Then prune Description.

Right now, the note about location can go in Additional comments, you can leave out the part about your endowment (let your certs discuss that), asides about your eclectic interests, the Roadster/truck thing and your ideal vacation. Oh, and the last paragraph can be left by the wayside or edited and stuck in Fantasies. It's not actually a selling point as written. It's both prescriptive (We must warm up, etc.) and kind of commonplace.

In Fantasies, you've punted and used a cliche, both. Outlining a fantasy or two in non graphic terms and using simple language to explain that you're experienced and respectful would make for a more engaging section than what you have now.

In Additional comments, DON'T SHOUT, PLEASE. It really is rude. And most people over 35 suck at selfies, so find someone else to take your photos (servers in restaurants, strangers, friends, whatever) and then you can eliminate that line.

As far as your mini-rant about non-responses to IMs, you are not actually entitled to an answer, but demanding one actually looks and sounds entitled, which isn't a good look on anyone. I'd suggest eliminating this so that you don't turn off women, most of whom are being pecked to death by seagulls shouting hi, hey, heyyyy, HEY! every fricking day and have stopped responding, because that shit's just like a catcall and doesn't merit a response. So, maybe you can be a big boy in a different way and take silence as a no without complaining publicly? Also, SLS is never bringing email back, so you can leave that out too.

For everything else, your tagline could be better (short and clever is good) and a photo of you smiling would be a better default.

I hope you collect opinions, make some changes and then come back. It's unlikely that anyone else will be nearly as harsh, so stick with it.

Good luck!

Please critique and advise. All help, suggestions, etc., are most welcome!!