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"Thanks for adjusting your age preference - previously it looked as if you'd fuck anyone or were just too lazy to change the defaults."

This can be a hard one. There are people that see this as a cut-off, when in reality it could be situational. We have seen sexy looking people well into their 70's, and in other cases we've seen people that looked like death warmed over and were under 60. On the flip side, we've seen 40-something "kids", and 20-somethings that were mature young adults.

As a result, we leave ours fairly wide open on purpose because age alone is not the primary deciding factor for us. I'd rather someone ask if we were interested and say "No thanks" than have someone that could have been a lot of fun never even ask because of the age preference.

Much better - third time's the charm!

You still have some weird phrasing in a few places. Try reading your text out loud as if you've never seen it before - crazy as it sounds it really helps.

Thanks for adjusting your age preference - previously it looked as if you'd fuck anyone or were just too lazy to change the defaults.

I'd move the info about BDSM to Fantasies/Experience.

Have a friend (or stranger, most people are willing to help) take a few pictures outdoors some afternoon - the lighting will be so much better than any of those indoor photos. And smile - despite obscuring your face I get the impression that you are not smiling in any of your photos.

Good luck!

Nope, that's not what throwing up metaphorical hands meant, semantically or otherwise.

Much better. It's still a work in progress (Example: "I'm greatly involved with the BDSM community as well, and have made many great friends and learned many great things about the practice over these past 6 years."), with five uses of variants of the word "great" in two sentences, plus the punt on your fantasies in Fantasies, but you could stop here and still make a thousand times better of an impression than previously.

So, other than a few nits to pick (there's something not quite right about the word order for mature women, including hotwives), you've done what you need to do, which is to sound likable and interesting. Just cement that impression whenever you can and you'll be golden.

And fix your photos when you get a chance, although I really like your default a lot.

Best of luck!

Trust me, I know. I’m not expecting to impress as it’s a work in progress and that’s the whole reason I’m here for constructive feedback.

You're seeing the humor but you might not be realizing that I'm less impressed with your profile than MsMolly is.

She's just better with words than I am today.

@Phoebert's Wife haha I appreciate the humor. Yes I think some of that type of charm is best for in-person, I tried to bring it out in text and agree it didn’t go quite as well as I’d hoped. Thank you on the picture review as well. On my laptop the lighting seemed fine, but it may not have to other users, as such I’ve changed a few pictures around and uploaded lighter ones. Let me know what you think when they’ve finished uploading, if you don’t mind.

I mean, from what I read you didn't have disdain for me personally, but you did for my bio. Specifically, I'm referring to the "throwing up metaphorical hands" part, which denotes you didn't believe that part was worth reading and thus believed it "unworthy of consideration". In this context, I did use it correctly, but I'd rather not debate semantics. I'll look forward to your review when my edits are approved tomorrow.

I'll check again tomorrow, once your changes have been approved, to see what you've done. In the meantime, "disdain" is not the word you're looking for, because I wasn't contemptuous.

Seriously, simple words used well are always better than a complicated vocabulary used poorly. Raymond Carver remains a genius and Bulwer-Lytton had a contest for bad writing named after him, thanks to his "It was a dark and stormy night" style.

I couldn't deal with your profile a few days ago so was happy to hear you had revised it - until I saw the revision. It is better, but still has problems.

You want your profile to be enticing - unfortunately given your age, I just get the giggles when you try to be impressive. Your way with words reminds me of a little girl dressing up in her mother's clothes - trying to act grown-up but can't quite pull it off. Combined with a whiff of arrogance the whole effect is off-putting. MsMolly has given you a lot of specifics - and was more tactful than I think I can be today.

On my laptop all but one of your photos are so dark that they are useless. Remember to smile even if you plan on cropping or obscuring your face.

Good luck, have fun and stay safe.

~Phoebert's Wife

Hello, thank you for taking a look at it, sorry to hear you found it with that much disdain, it wasn't my intention. I've revised my bio quite a bit, hopefully when that's in if you don't mind taking another look at it please. I've pruned it a lot and made it a lot less "wannabe romance novel" and more personality-based.

Hi. I know you've started a new thread elsewhere, but this is Better Profiles, so. Pretty sure this has been changed since I first looked at it (too much work for a phone) and...it's not really better. Not that it's terrible, but it's kinda sloppy, has some poor word choices (simple is definitely better), and it screams young guy. I think you can do better.

Your tagline, in its prescriptive for others, could be viewed as arrogant. I'd change it to something that doesn't presume to give orders. Bonus points for funny or clever.

In Looking For, the first sentence has an error and while I see what you're going for, that might be the high point in that section. Too much about you and some general too muchness. Fine wine? Really?

Prune it. Prune it until what you're looking for is concise, without leaving out all the personality. And make it mostly about the folks you're looking for. Also, it's firm believer, not stern; but the whole sentence can just go away.

In Description, "chronic" is not the word you want unless you have exercise bulimia and "loyally" is also off. Actually, the whole section can be simplified - it's actually better writing to say you're careful (or meticulous if you want to show off) about your grooming, for instance - and, again, pruned. And "incubus" just made me think of Anita Blake, the kind of over the top writing that gives urban fantasy a bad name, which is probably not the look you're going for.

By the time I got to Fantasies, I'd thrown up my metaphorical hands, so just assume that it and Additonal comments need pruning and simplification.

Young men hold no allure for me and that's part of my less than positive response to your profile, but only a small part. I want you to succeed and using highfalutin language, flowery compliments, and way too many words are not the way to get there. You're young. You're not meant to be overly polished or the rule maker, no matter how well you think "dom" fits you (sidenote on that: I wouldn't. Confident, dominant men let women figure that out, without the proclamation. Instead, just say you're interested in rigging, etc. And know you'll turn people off with the choking thing, because done wrong it can be deadly.)

Anyway, good luck.

Brand new to the website and lifestyle. Need good constructive criticism on my profile please :)