[LOCKED]WTF

Years ago a local radio station employee shared her story of US customs inspection after returning form a trip to Amsterdam. At some point before boarding in Amsterdam she had visited a coffee shop to buy some coffee as a gift. There were people smoking marijuana (and hashish?) in the shop...

While standing in the US customs line upon her return, a man with a nice doggy walking along the line stopped next to her because the nice doggy sat down next to her. She began petting the dog when the nice man and the nice doggy were joined by other nice people and escorted her and her luggage off for a more private discussion.

She went on about how a decidedly overweight and unattractive female custom's agent was called in and seemed to enjoy performing a completely nude and extremely thorough full body cavity search on the radio station employee. Once that was completed, the inspector opened the sealed bag of coffee and began poking around in it with the still gloved hand she had used while doing the lengthy and thorough body cavity search.

Nothing illegal was found, no mention of "buzzing rabbits" was made and apparently the gift recipient no longer wanted the gift.

My two favorite bag search stories both involved trips to desire.

The first involved clearing customs for a plane change in Houston on our return. I breezed through but they were really working over my Girlfriend's bag. . I walked over to see what the holdup was just in time to hear the inspector ask her: "You don't happen to have any pre-coumbian statuary or replicas in here do you?" He then almost immediately pulled out a large rabbit style dildo. "Uh, never mind you're good to go."

My second favorite was going the other way in Seattle. The TSA screener asked my GF if she had "any electronic devices" in her carryon, to which she responded matter of factly "Just some sex toys." He said: "Don't worry lady, we've seen it all." He was completely non plussed until he turned one on accidentally and could't figure out how to turn it off. After cycling through all the different pulse cycles (why do they have those anyway?) he turned beet red and closed her bag up. As we were running late we went right to the plane and I noticed her bag was still buzzing when I put it in the overhead. She was not amused. I was trying hard not to show how amused I was. Classic instant brueaucratic karma.

This was many years ago... After placing my carry on on the Xray machine belt at MSP I walk though the metal detector and wait for my bag at the other end of the belt... it doesn't appear. WTF?

Then I see an inspector holding up my bag and asking who it belongs to. I acknowledge it's mine. I'm shitting bricks... I was thinking I may have had a handgun or ammunition in there as I sometimes used that bag when going shooting, but I thought I had completely emptied it before packing for the trip.

4 security people usher me into a little walled in area and surround me. Closely. After asking a couple of questions (Did I pack this bag? Has anyone touched it since I packed it?) one of them opens it, reaches in and suddenly a shocked look appears as he pulls out my discman (remember those?) and a towel wrapped "something" the discman was setting on top of and mutters something along the lines of "WTF...?"

They were frozen walleye fillets that I was bringing to my friends in San Diego. I suppose the rectangular shape (and density) of the fish fillets and the wires from an electronic device touching it appeared to be plastic explosives and a detonator.

"They're walleyes I'm bringing to my friend" I explained. "I didn't want the airline to lose our checked bag and 3 days later we'd have really stinky clothes..."

They (disappointedly) hand me the bag back. They must have figured they just caught a potential hijacker.

My friends were very appreciative of the fish fry and I luckily didn't have to change underbritches before boarding.

I haven't had my bags searched by US customs in years. I assumed they used imaging, dogs etc. nowadays.

Recent vacays, we went to Temps thanksgiving week and came back to IAH and there and after walking what seemed like two miles to get to customs there had to be 500-600 people in line. I have a bad back and can only walk so far before needing a short sit down rest, what I really can’t do is just stand. That kills me more than anything; I asked if there was a handicap line and the customs agent sent me to the front of the line which was nice. The WTF part is we did get our bags until after customs…. Seemed strange as Mexican customs looked in our bags when we got there. The previous two vacays were cruises, one out of Galveston and the other out of Jacksonville; when we returned (at both ports) there were NO customs agents anywhere. I told the wife we could have brought back a kilo coke if we did that stuff….

That happened to us the last time in LAX from Cabo. Where AA use to have their own customs they now use customs in the international terminal . When we arrived in customs there had to be over 500 people waiting to clear customs. Since I was in a w/c at the time we went thru customs line for air crew then had to change terminal to catch our flight to Hawaii. Thank god we had 3 hour time span between flights as security had 3 lines with over 100 people in each then one guy shut down a security line because he was a sky diver and was trying to take his parachute on as carryon. So now when we to go Cabo we use any other airport but LAX not just for customs but other reasons.

I recommend using the commercial line when going through customs....

Returning to the US once (I forget which airport), the lines for the passengers were miles long. There were 3 US customs stations for commercial use- the inspectors were just standing around bullshitting with each other. There was nobody in line for commercial inspection. We walked up there, they said we had to use the other lines. I pointed out they were long and we had a connecting flight to make (we didn't). A supervisor comes running over to see what the problem is...

No problem, just in a hurry. Supervisor asked what we had to declare- a bottle each of liquor. He stamped our passports and waved us through "Remember to salute the flag" he said...

They didn't open any of our bags, didn't ask to see our connecting flight tickets just looked t the passports long enough to stamp them. We didn't even have any badged dogs come by sniffing up our bags or butts like everyone in the long lines did.

This past fall, we had a flight from Rome to Amsterdam and then on to Seattle. We had to clear Dutch customs (a nightmare and we needed nearly every minute of the two hour plus layover) and then go through US customs in Seattle.

We went from Dublin to Liverpool and did not have to go through customs. Then Heathrow to San Diego and only went through customs on the US side.

I've never had any issue in the terminal at SAN.

But the airport isn't exactly a pilot's favorite place to operate out of.

It's the only airport I've landed at where all of the passengers gave a round of applause to the pilot when we finally rolled to a stop.

The kid in front of us thought it was fun...

That is a classic airport management screw up. I had that happena couple of years ago at LAX. Also due to construction.

I've been wondering if we didn't set ourselves up with something similar for a trip this fall. We are flying from Rome to Seattle with American and booked a flight with a leg on British Air through Heathrow. Has anone gone through there from Eurpope to the US since Brexit? If so do you have to clear British Customs and then US customs as well? Or did Brexit account for that?

@ _rabbit_n_scamp_
I e had to do that at several airports before; it’s a pain in the ass for sure. Best one was I had bought some jelly at on orchard in Virginia and TSA in Roanoke didn’t have a problem at all; flew to Dulles and going from one terminal to another for a connecting I had to go back through security again where TSA DID have a problem with my jelly. I explained they let me through in Roanoke with it; didn’t care, I hope them asses enjoyed my jelly!!!

I don't know, but they are doing a whole lot of construction there.

@TBR

WTF is up with the San Diego airport?

Rabbit and I flew from New Orleans to Sacramento yesterday with a connection in San Diego. We arrived at gate 18 then had to leave the concourse and get in line to go through security again to get to gate 5.

The delay wasn’t going to cause us to miss our connection but then the scanner didn’t recognize rabbit’s driver’s license so they questioned if she had booked a flight, even though she had the boarding pass on her phone. She had to get out of line and go to Southwest to verify that she was in fact the person on her ID and she had in fact booked the flight. They printed a paper boarding pass, she went back through security and the same TSA agent scanned her license again (it still didn't recognize it), shrugged her shoulders and waved her through. I guess a paper boarding pass is better than a digital one?

We made our connection, just seemed odd to have to have to go through security again on a connecting flight.

Ps, not blaming you tbr, just wondering if you know why it’s so fucked up. Lol

Lol

And todays winner is. I am single and I would fuck u. 32 yr old male

Apparently this guy is now an "Ex Sherrif's Deputy". That didn't take long.

Oh Lordy.. he is the winner today!

Lol

How about this one for an introduction from a couple.
Do you guys have current negative std and herpes test results to share?
Nothing else. WTF!

Florida Man...

Actually Florida Police Man, thought he heard a gun shot when approaching a man suspected of stealing his girlfriend's car. Actually an investigation later determined the sound he heard was an acorn hitting the roof of the car. Also believing he had been hit which he hadn't because..you know...it was an acorn and all, the officer repeatedly yelled to his partner "Shots fired, shots fired!" while emptying the clip of his auto (20 rounds) into the suspect's vehicle. Fortunately he apparently wasn't all that much better in shooting than he was in distinguishing gunshots from...say...falling acorns, so the suspect was unharmed. Though there no report on the condition of his underwear. There was also no apparent explanation on why the officer experienced his legs going numb after being hit which he actually wasn't due to the initial gunfire being an acorn.

In the officer's defense the suspect was inarguably guilty of sitting in a vehicle while simultaneously being African American and also clearly in the wrong place at the wrong time. Which is to say under an oak tree on a breezy day.

Todays single male award goes to a 20 year old with one chest selfie from Marietta Ga: Hey, are you guys looking for anything today?

Hilarious .. wrote a detailed response asking did he really read our profile and what we are looking for.. only had one line text and one unclear selfie chest shot!

Guys WTF!

There have been a number of WTFs? in my email box lately. Mildly humorous are the ones that promise to give me the knees of a 20YO, but who in the hell would want to "train your poops"?

Poop, SIT.

Poop, STAY.

Poop. SHAKE.

Good POOP!!

Oh, hell no.

AGREE lets move all political post to the political site as not everyone wants hear about politics 24/7. Those that want to can gp there. We for one are tired of politics talk for the last three years.

"Please try to keep political discussions in the Politics area."

thank you!