Perhaps the OP should ask for suggestions about improving his profile and/or the messages he sends.
There are other places in the Forum that can help in this area. The Fantasies section isn't the appropriate place to ask for assistance and probably not the best place to register a grievance about lack of success.
Unless the OP has fantasies off rejection...?
Overcompensating golf guy, you would be a hard pass for many reasons. As mentioned, your best chance is joining a willing couple for a 3 some. Most who do hotwife play will test drive and get to know a guy before getting that far. The biggest issue is to know you are talking to a couple the whole time and each couple will operate differently.
A newly divorced guy is much safer and easier to get along with than a guy who is working on becoming a newly divorced guy. If indeed you’re in an open relationship or have a hall pass you need to find a way for your wife to verify that.
Again, try to find another avenue if you’re just looking to hook up. Flex your PHD’s outside the library or something.
The NC guy was all the way in the 'whoa, this guy really hates women' bucket, which made him an outlier in any group of men that wasn't exclusively made up of incels, with a level of resentment that was off the charts. This guy - and other men in open marriages - aren't really on the same planet, except for the part where it can be ego damaging to discover that you're nowhere near the hot commodity that your wife is.
A lot of that is just online though, where the well is pretty much poisoned by truly clueless men who carpet bomb women and couples with messages that are unlikely to work (hint: "I'd love to fuck her" is a terrible overture) and the ratio is not even a little in favor of solo guys. Go to a party or a club and you're way more likely to be successful, because it's not 1000 to 1, although there it's still mostly going to be couples rather than solo women.
My partner has a solo guy profile. We go to Hedo or other in person events and it's like he's catnip, but aside from me he's met one woman playing alone in the entire four plus years he's been on SLS. Fortunately for both of us, he's an open hearted and generous guy who celebrates my solo play (as I do his), but I've been with a lot of men who are in open relationships and have seen how much harder it is for them than their wives and I sympathize. But resentment is something they have to eliminate.
NHS you said what we all think.. and amazing I was trying to be nice!
Doubt the OP knows what compersion is.
I do hope he comes back and reads some of these replies though.
And I'd like to know why he chose "fantasies" as the place to put this threead.
Thank you for posting that fliflop. I was worried I had come off sounding too harsh. Until you posted yours and now I'm good.
Not saying this guy is, just that he reminds me of that guy. I know that came off pretty harsh sorry
Reminds me of that loser from Charlotte that couldn't get laid and had a million reasons why but none are his profile or attitude
I agree Mayhem. There is an article on "thesexylifestyle dot com" titled "What the Hell is Compersion? And Why You Need It to Make Open Relationships Thrive". I think the key to enjoying not only this lifestyle, but every other relationship you will ever be in, is summarized pretty well in this article. I think the OP would have been much happier stepping out with his wife together and enjoying what she is enjoying with her.
In all fairness, anyone would resent that. Though it would never likely play out that way, the OP's wife would likely feel the same if she were in his position.
Kind of reminds me in a way of the movie "The sex monster".
That's it GoodGolly. I was trying to put my finger on the sentiment oozing from his post and his profile and you nailed it.
You said "Maybe keep your resentment under wraps a little though". Resentment perfectly sums up the flavor. To further narrow it down, it seems like resentment that he entered into a bargain where he gets the short end of the stick and she gets the long end of the stick.
"I actually had hopes for this site, but it seems as if it exists to act as an ego boost for women (like other sites)."
I meant to address this sooner but got distracted until @New_Hotwife brought it up.
Is it an ego boost to be sought after? Yes, for everyone, not just women. Is it ego denting to be a reasonably attractive man who can't get traction even on a swinger site (more on that in a moment)? Yes, definitely, and it leads to some unattractive results like the line above.
Here's why a swinger site is even less useful to solo guys than Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge: The ratio of solo guys pursuing women and couples on lifestyle sites to women and couples on lifestyle sites pursuing single guys is about 100 to 1. Guys think whoa, slutty women, I'll totally score here, but no. We're even pickier, because we have way more options than women in your friendly neighborhood bar.
Seriously, your odds are significant better on Tinder, etc. But you might also try, if you haven't already, Feeld or Plenty of Fish or FetLife, where open marriages are no big deal. Maybe keep your resentment under wraps a little though.
Also, when you post that SLS "exists to act as an ego boost for women (like other sites)", it seems to amplify the fact that you know very little about the lifestyle or most of the women in it. Which of course is a big turn off to those in the lifestyle.
@NHSP brings up a good point about checking on non-swinger sites if you haven't already done that. I don't agree that you basically have nothing to offer, but you definitely have limited your target audience to something even smaller than it already was.
Your wife has a MUCH larger target audience. Especially on a swinger site.
A number of LS women we know (single and married) enjoy the idea of being the center of attention for more than 1 guy at a time. Even ones that may want one guy at a time may want 2 or more guys back to back (gangbang style).
Well sure she has better luck than you. A woman can get laid anywhere they go in a matter of minutes if they are so inclined. So, you are on a "swinger" or "swapping" website offering nothing to "swap" in return? You don't even want the woman's man to be involved? Then, we can assume that if you find a "swinger" woman, that you would then not want her enjoying other men as well? Have you considered Match dot com?
find some other resources for open marriages. I would say listen to and go the website for a podcast called normalizing nonmonogamy. they have a community of open and poly couples there
One other thing that limits your choices is the line "Not into other men being involved." in your profile. You like what you like, so I get it, but there could be a number of couples that would consider you for an MFM and then some 1 on 1 time after that, but you eliminate that possibility.
Other than that, the advice/comments given so far have been spot on.
FWIW - While either of us could likely do well solo at this point, that is only because of our LS involvement as a couple. Without that, I (the male half) would probably be struggling as well. Nature of the beast. You can't prove yourself because you don't have the opportunity, and you don't have the opportunity because you've not proven yourself.
Hi. You have a couple of specific problems that add to the structural issues of being a solo guy trying to connect on a lifestyle site. This is primarily a couples focused activity, there are very few single women who bother paying for online accounts, and there are eleventy-thousand solo guys for every woman playing alone.
Your specific issues include being 49 but only being open to women 50 and under (significantly under), sporting a selfie as your profile pic (have your wife act as photographer), plus a profile that comes off more smarmy than sincere.
Look for events - house parties, clubs meet and greets - in your area. For those which don't allow single guys, maybe see if your wife would be your wing woman until you've established a network.
“ I actually had hopes for this site, but it seems as if it exists to act as an ego boost for women (like other sites).”
Seems like you came in with a negative outlook and got what you expected. There are good people and there are shitty people everywhere you go, on the internet and in the real world. If finding the good ones were easy none of us would be here. My guess is your wife is having better luck because she has a pussy, that’s what most are looking for. Be positive and positive things are bound to happen, good luck!
Yes, it is pretty well known that it is difficult for guys without a partner to find people to play with. If your wife is having such good luck why not make a profile as a couple and see how it goes from there. We have had good luck meeting other couples and single guys. We both have had opportunities to play with some of the people in those couples separately afterwards. You need to try different approaches. Also take some of the other advice you have been gives to heart.
Just an FYI.. for "us" we would not meet you ref your alleged "open marriage".. we have met numerous guys on SLS who claim same and the wife was not on board. Some instances they lied , some had a single profile and we found out they were married. We have had those wife's creating a scene at our home ...so not for us..
In this day and age its easy to find out and verify .. Caught 3 guys who lied just this past year !
Honesty by all parties is a must for us.. so if in fact your wife is on board.. you may want to add wife will voice verify and or meet the first time.
Good luck.... its a great lifestyle and it has been very good for us.
Welcome.. we have been swingers well over 30 years, on SLS about 10, we find FWB all over USA and beyond. Just like vanilla life we are very social and select in who we invite to our beds..we go dancing, dinners and of course great sex. Both of us have FWB in many states.
Many friends on SLS have in fact introduced us to people we are a match with and its worked out very well. We have also attended clubs, events , and parties.
Maybe reevaluate how you go about what you are looking for.. smiles work wonders and in fact we were at a vanilla bar with a live band this past Saturday and 2 women, separate incidents, were flirting with us in front of our adult kids.. they are vanilla and we just laughed telling them it happens all the time !
Its always worth ones time and effort.. and for us we love life and it shows.
So I’ve been in an open marriage for two years now. My wife is having no problem meeting people and getting partners. In my case, not at all. I actually had hopes for this site, but it seems as if it exists to act as an ego boost for women (like other sites). Is this the typical experience? I feel this may be a waste of time. Message women just to get ghosted.
