Do you want to bridge the gap and find a way to create harmony in your relationship, even if you have different sexual preferences? Are you searching for a solution that will help you achieve a deeper understanding and connection with your partner, despite your varying kinks?Oliver is a returning guest on The Venus Cuckoldress Podcast, known for his insightful perspectives on relationships and sexuality. With a passion for exploring kink and sexual lifestyles, Oliver offers valuable advice for couples facing differences in their desires and preferences. Drawing from personal experiences and a commitment to open communication, he shares practical tips on how to navigate the complexities of being kinky when your partner is not. Oliver s genuine and relatable approach provides a fresh perspective on maintaining a fulfilling and harmonious relationship, even when sexual tastes may differ. His expertise and understanding make him a trusted source of guidance for those seeking to improve their connection and understanding with their partner.The thread that started it all: A short thread of what to do when your gf is very vanilla and seemingly uninterested in exploring kink and even less in exploring sexual lifestyle such as cuckolding - https://x.com/NordicCuck/status/1696502422745559103?s=20The key moments in this episode are:00:07:26 - Oliver s Thread,00:11:28 - Kink Test,00:12:45 - Working on Alignment,00:13:23 - Vanilla vs. Kinky,00:17:40 - The Importance of Communication and Acceptance,00:19:04 - Seeking Help and Resources,00:20:06 - Supporting Your Partner,00:27:13 - Patience and Timing,00:30:29 - Openness and Willingness,00:35:04 - Understanding the Importance of Vibe in Sexual Relationships,00:36:29 - Exploring Mild Fantasies and Sexual Preferences,00:39:16 - The Benefits and Misconceptions of Using Sex Toys,00:41:58 - Considering Compatibility and Plan B in Relationships,00:44:50 - The Importance of Patience and Open-Mindedness in Relationships,00:52:15 - How the List Helped Others,00:53:11 - Common Challenges in Kinky Relationships,00:54:10 - The Value of Kink and Cuckolding,00:55:17 - Where to Find OliverDan Savage, The 3 things we get wrong about love - https://youtu.be/brZIb4MG8oA?si=wCJZOZqUx6KnyR0b The Savage LoveCast - https://savage.love/lovecast/Sex Psychology - https://www.sexandpsychology.com/Splash Blanket - https://splashblanket.com/ use code VENUS for discountLearn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices❤️Venus Connections❤️ - Matchmaking for loving cuckolding relationships and female-led relationships. Learn more at https://www.venusconnections.com/ 👑♠️ Maison De Neige is high end lifestyle and streetwear fashion with a passion for the beauty of interracial combined with high fashion. Visit https://www.maisondeneige.com/ ❤️xoafterglow.com❤️ Meet the platform for ethical porn. Made by women, for women (and everyone). We make and share videos that portray sex accurately and treat performers with dignity, because nothing is sexier than consent. Use code VENUS for a free 7 day trial at ➡️ https://afterglow.ubpages.com/venus/Support the showDestination Links for Venus - https://lnk.bio/VenusPodcast
Transcript
Hey, are you looking for a hot wife? Maybe you're looking for a cuckold relationship. Then you need to join Venus Connections matchmaking service. It's totally private, it's fun blind dates, and all members are vetted. And it works. There was even a wedding last year and there'll be another one next year. It's definitely hard to find your life partner. I know. And it's even harder to find this kind of relationship. But you'll never win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket, right? So join VenusConnections.com. That's VenusConnections.com. And find the relationship of your dreams.
This is what's coming up on the show.
Actually, I have a couple of friends who don't want to buy their girlfriend a vibrator or dildo because that makes them feel that they are somehow inferior and that they don't get the job done, which is so fucking stupid like like toys mostly can only enhance the relationship that you have not like make you feel inferior and if you and if you feel that way sorry but then maybe you are inferior like if you think that the toy has so much power over your relationship or you then sorry but it's a fucking piece of plastic or silicone like it has nothing to do with power over you it has everything to do with her pleasure and that should be the most important thing yeah i mean i sometimes try to finish your sentence because i think that we think very very like most of the time that's why we are a couple but but it's very it's very slippery and and actually it's not something you should do when you're discussing kink because that's just that's sometimes a touchy subject and it has a whole realm of nuances and details that you want to discuss and therefore you should just shut the fuck up and trulyuckoldress podcast a place to learn all things cuckolding for the curious the passionate and the sexually empowered woman who wants it all go to venuscuckoldress.com.
You'll find the new Queen's Quarters fan destination. Book a one-to-one chat with me, listen to the private podcast, and even get access to my secret Snapchat group where I share some of my most intimate encounters. Now sit back, make yourself comfortable, and let's dive right into this episode. Welcome everybody to the show. I'm your host, Venus. Thanks for joining me. Today's show, I have Oliver and he is back. We are going to be talking about a little thread that he posted on Twitter that went a little bit viral and we're going to share that information with you.
It's all about what to do if your partner is kinkier than you. This is going to be so helpful for all of those people, especially for the guys out there who think that or feel like they're kind of stuck because they feel like, at least with cuckolding, they're far more kinkier than their wife or partner. So Oliver has some really great tips to share, and this is going to be super helpful for all of the listeners out there today. But as per usual, I have some announcements to make. So since the last episode aired, I have been to Arizona to the Hot Wife Palooza event.
And let me tell you, it was so fun. I had such a great time. I met lots of new people. I brought two of my favorite bowls and I hung out by the pool. I got to meet all sorts of new friends and it was just a really great time. So I went over all the details of my trip with my Helpful Cuck supporter tier group in our live weekly live hangouts that we did and as well in our Snapchat group. So I shared my pictures and videos and all that fun stuff. And it was it was a good time. So if you want to join the Helpful Cuck tier, you certainly can.
You can go to venuscuckledress.com and click on the Queen's Quarters. And if you follow me on Instagram, you will have seen a little reel that I posted about a new blanket that I got. Okay, first of let me tell you have, some of you ladies out there can relate, I have ruined many a piece of furniture in my squirting days. Yeah, so I'm one of those women who squirts and or can squirt sometimes. And yeah, it's fun when you're in like the right place and you're not afraid to like just, you know, let loose and have fun and make a big ass puddle.
But not always great when you're kind of not expecting it and not prepared. So these it's called a splash blanket.
I found it actually on Instagram and I was scrolling through and I was like oh fuck that's perfect that's what I need it's so pretty so I got one and it is gorgeous okay and it's 100% waterproof I mean like completely waterproof but it's also soft and super pretty so I got like the dark purple color because I'm on a purple thing lately um so you can tell by my hair but it is it is awesome so fellas make sure you get one for your lady she will love it trust me if you go to splashblanket.com that's where you can find them in all the different colors and all the different sizes and i believe if you put in the code venus they'll even give you a discount and don't forget i have a new moan community group so on the moan app i have a group it's called Cuckolding is Love.
It's open for everybody to join. And I had a, I already did an AMA, I think it was, Ask Me Anything kind of thing, which was awesome. So make sure that you join that group. It's free. You just have to pop on the app and search in the communities and you will find it. There's also a private group that I have on there for the helpful cucks only. So that one's kind of special. And a reminder that there's a new blog on my website, venuscuckoldress.com. If you love interracial, which a lot of you do, then you're going to love this blog.
It's called The Goddess Worshipper and he's been blogging for a long time and he's just moved on over to my website. So you'll definitely want to check it out. There's some new material on there and you can also post a comment. That's it for announcements. Let's jump into today's episode with Oliver. Joining me on the show once again is a returning guest. He goes by the name of Oliver. And he was on the show once before to talk about AI when it comes to cuckolding and how it can actually enhance things for everyone involved. And that was such, such a cool show.
So if you haven't listened to it, make sure you go to the show notes because I will post a link to that one in there. But Oliver is here today to talk about this fucking amazing thread that he posted on, I call it Twitter. I'm forever going to call it Twitter. I don't give a fuck what you want to call it, but to me it's Twitter. So we're going to talk about this awesome thread that was basically, you know, helping for, I think, helping a lot of people out there. So welcome to the show, Oliver. Say hello to all of the listeners.
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Yeah, North Europe europe yeah okay um this tweet which was posted on august 29th recently um this one it says a short thread of what to do when your girlfriend is very vanilla and seemingly uninterested in exploring kink and even less in exploring sexual lifestyles such as cuckolding so this is a advice thread what inspired this what how come you just decided to write this so i need to make a short time travel before i get to that but basically my some time ago i wanted to have more time for intimacy uh with me and my wife and it uh we decided to do those on on first days and the first thing we did was basically make a this type of bd sim test where you get to see what your kinks are and how much are you into some kind of stuff, how much are you not into, and there well, to my initial disappointment because I felt that we had, I don't know, made some progress with some stuff in the last seven months, there we discovered that oh, she's rather vanilla and i'm not so and that's a very common very very common type of uh finding let's say but uh you know how guys should react like some guys just start sulking some guys just like lock up and don't uh don't go deeper than that and just try to blame themselves or blame their wife if that's the worst case um but after the first like two three hours of like uh not sulking but just like trying to think like how why like why why hasn't there been like some progress then like you get over it and then you start looking for solutions if you're an aspiring person who wants to make it better uh and then but it wasn't all me it was her as well so she found that she found some articles like how to how to get a better understanding of each other when one is when the other isn't and then we found some blog posts and then we started to brainstorm the ideas and ever since then I think things have been crawling upwards and right now I think I'm in a very very happy place oh I'm so happy to hear that.
So this kink test that you guys did, where did you find that? It's actually quite common. You can always see it on, I think it's on fatlife.com, where people list their kinks on a scale from 0 to 100. Like there is this different like D-Grady, Bratz, Robe Bunny. Like there's a whole bunch of stuff. And I think the original test is www.bdsmtest.org. So that's the main address.
And there you can either do a short version of this or you can do a very long thorough one and we did the long one so we went through all the lists and then then we saw that she's vanilla and i'm not and then we started to think of ways how we can align so kind of like a personality test but yeah kink yeah kinky stuff okay so that showed that there was a discrepancy which was i guess not surprising because you knew that in the beginning but you've been work trying to work on kind of aligning better over the last you said seven months right yeah we've been like trying more stuff and we've been trying like uh like in the bedroom and actually outside of bedroom as well uh but you know when you see after like several months the results and they're still relatively the same you think like am i doing something wrong am i am i pushing some stuff on onto her that she's that she's not liking at all was she surprised with her results did she was she like oh damn i'm still vanilla actually she wasn't so that's that's another sign that she's comfortable in her skin and that's a great thing like she knows what she wants and and that's that's like mostly vanilla stuff and that that's very fine i mean i mean like uh like i think the majority of women like especially in western countries right now like we all think that there's this bunch of kinky crazy women out there who from social media but that's not the case usually like most women are still like just trying to Thank you.
kinky crazy women out there who from social media but that's not the case usually like most women are still like just trying to trying to see who they are what they want and what they want to explore and some women are really happy with just being you know like doing mild stuff not not going to the extremes and that's that's fine yeah i agree that there is this idea that there's some really kinky women lots of single kinky women out there and yeah not really i mean with my matchmaking service i definitely see a difference between the single guys and the single women when it comes to the kink the kink dynamics that they're looking for so it's interesting so that's okay so then instead of sulking you decided you know like this i'm just going to be proactive and yeah like try to come up with some sort of solution some sort of plan right and that's how you came up with this list and you're like i think now that i figured out all of these things i'm going to post it on twitter um it wasn't quite that i mean at first it was a lot of reading uh then it was a lot of discussing Thank you.
Now that I figured out all of these things, I'm going to post it on Twitter. It wasn't quite that. I mean, at first, it was a lot of reading. Then it was a lot of discussing, like, where can we align? Like, what can we do? And finally, it was like actually like putting it to actual use.
So I can share some blog post links that I read with my partner that maybe other pairs pairs could be other couples could be interested in but usually like at first when you do the test and you find that there's a discrepancy or there's a big difference then the first thing i advise to do is like uh read uh advice from from real psychologists like why why is that then and what can you do to not like let it let it ruin your bad life and your marital life and then you start discussing because uh if you start discussing right away then a lot of contacts can go missing and and you can and you're not always like that great in articulating your thoughts when you haven't actually read any supporting evidence or any supporting material so but yeah i mean healthy discussion and and actually like dedicated discussion like you don't just leave it in i don't know you don't just leave it into the back of your head like for months and months but you actually like try to talk about it every week at least a bit at least just a tiny bit and then you can get to the results and after we had discussed a lot i thought that i'm probably not the first or the last guy to be in this type of relationship um so i thought that hey if i'm slowly coming back of this like i don't know phase of my disappointment i think others other guys can also come if they have had similar reactions from their girlfriends or their wives and then I made the list with the and this was actually a combined list this was a list of lessons I learned after the test and before the test so basically when we started out like We, our version of being kinky was basically handcuffs i mean yeah basically uh and then it's then we started incorporating role play and some uh pecking pecking elements then we started incorporating like more heavier and more intense role play and then we started to get into interracial and stuff so it's been a progress it's been a long long progress and uh sorry for the speedster uh but uh but it's been years of of processing and that's why i think um the last point that i wanted to focus on really much was the was the tenth point like you gotta have patience if you have a like vanilla girlfriend and also and also i want to emphasize one more time being vanilla is fine like i i really don't want any women to feel that they are less or they are somehow not capable of loving their partner the way they want to if they are vanilla that that's bullshit like you don't't need to go to to the extremes for your partner but as dan savage pointed out uh the video you show me you can you can align your your interests uh you know in a lot of ways you can still be vanilla you can be vanilla and still be ggg good giving and game right as for dad savage yeah absolutely so we're going to talk about that let's go through the list but first I do I do want to say that you you're absolutely right you're not the first guy to be in this situation to realize that like oh this is not a level this is we're not on the same page when it comes to kink and sexuality and, and desires and fantasies and things like that.
Like, there's probably thousands and thousands of listeners right now who are in the same spot as you. And so this is why I think it's really important to talk about the steps that you have taken and will take, because this can help a lot of people kind of navigate this. You were talking about blogs that you guys were reading and stuff like that. I know that there was, there's another really amazing podcast called Sex and Psychology by Dr. Justin Lee Miller. And he's recently done an episode where it tackles this subject where one partner is kinkier than the other.
I have not listened to that episode because I'm so behind in my podcast listening right now. But I just want to put that out there that there's really good evidence-based podcasts and blogs out there that can help you understand all of this, that you as a couple can help understand all of this. So let's get started. All right, let's go through the first point that you wrote down. This is the thread, the Twitter thread that we're going to go through, which by the way, 20, 29,000 views. That's pretty amazing. And 41 bookmarks. So I did put it out there when I reposted it.
I was like, a lot of you guys need to bookmark this thread. So 28,000 views and 41 bookmarks. That's, that's pretty amazing.
So I think this really resonated with a lot of people so let's get started so number one number one said you said do not sulk it's hard sometimes excruciatingly hard to do but it won't help it never will and i think that was the first realization that you said you had right yeah like this was the like i'm not gonna lie i was talking for the first hour i was like like how like yeah i i made such work in the last seven months and this is the result like why and how but then you start to realize like like if you're if you're gonna keep keep sulking nothing is going to get better absolutely nothing like you're gonna just be stuck in the zone in the same spot or you're gonna get you're actually gonna go to a worse spot than you were before so you just like gotta accept the the l or the loss so to speak if you realize the like the difference and then you start you it's that it's a it's so easy to start stalking like it's so fucking easy i just understand it because like uh there's this like momentarily you get a sense of despair like this is never going to get better or like you feel like this inevitability and you start seeing everything in darker tones but this is not the case if you have a working relationship if you have a trustful relationship and there's trust and communication in the relationship you can't get over it but you just have to stop like thinking only your own head, like, what to do.
You got to actually start tackling it with your partner. Oh, such great advice. Okay, number two, you said there's a considerable chance that she is just tired or not feeling confident in the relationship or herself. You can help. You said take more more domestic duties, affirm your love for her with action. I love that sentence right there. Like I love that sentence. And you said, gift her a small bouquet of flowers for no reason. That is so fucking underrated.
Let me tell you, I think that like more that little gesture for me anyways it means so much um and you said massage her with coconut oil not just oil but coconut oil and for those of you listening you're probably laughing because you know what coconut oil makes me think of or the scent of coconut makes me think of well it works the same wonders on her sometimes as well so but basically i'm not gonna toot my own horn too much but the bouquet of flowers that that's something that i do sometimes because i think it's just such an easy but a firm way to show your love and show your admiration because it's i don i never have like i never expect like sex or like a blowjob after after that it's just like hey like i think you're gorgeous and i think you're an amazing person so just have those flowers and let it let them bloom basically and but besides uh all the what was the oh there's a considerable chance that she's feeling tired.
I mean, we have kids. We have small kids and we are tired. Both of us are tired 90% of the time. And when you're both tired, it's just so much harder to actually even think about kink, let alone explore it.
Like, just thinking about it is sometimes hard because you're always stressed out with this 100 small projects that you have to fulfill before the bedtime comes and then you have to start doing your own stuff and that's also a spent like a separate chapter so it's easy to get overwhelmed and it's easy to be tired but what i found out is that most guys including me including me like we sometimes get lazy with domestic duties like like uh like we we tend to take some things for granted that we shouldn't at all and it's very easy to forget that but you just gotta be mindful that like when she's tired, she's not just saying that because she wants to avoid sex, she's actually tired.
She just needs some sleep and some rest. Oh, I 100% agree.
I do these private chats where people can book a private chat with me through my website, venus cuckoldress.com and i have recently been talking to a few women who have uh wanted to chat with me and they're i every single one of them says has said that same thing i am just tired like this is it feels like a job for me sometimes to like take on something else and they have kids and you know their partner's like you know oh texting them like oh what are you thinking right now like tell me something sexy or whatever and she's like I'm thinking about fucking school lunches I'm thinking about you know cleaning I'm talking I'm thinking about doing I'm thinking about like all of this shit like she's like i am not like i'm i am tired like i got a lot of shit going on here so i that i completely agree it sounds like you're an amazing partner in that you do help a lot but you're right like it's easy to kind of get stuck in that kind of taking for granted some of those things you know or you could actually do more um yeah yeah you can always do more you can always do more absolutely and be creative for the guys listening right now be creative and i'm not just talking about getting her flowers but and i'm and i'm not talking about asking her what she needs help with, but like you, you said, affirm your love for her with action.
I'm talking about actually anticipating what she's going to need help with. Yeah. Like figuring that out so that you don't have to ask her. Yeah. Because that's actually like what my own girlfriend, like said, my own own wife, like, it's another job to reply to questions. Like, if you keep asking, like, what to do, that's another job for me because I need to start thinking of stuff that I need to give to you. And that's another, like, brain task for me. Like, just, like, if you just know this stuff more, then it's a lot easier for everyone.
Yeah, I had a guy one time, he said to me, let me know if you just know this stuff more then it then it's a lot easier for everyone yeah I had a guy one time he said to me let me know if you need help with anything and I was like that is not what I want to hear I ever don't ever fucking say that again like I appreciate the sentiment behind it but I'm like I need you to just figure out what you can do to help me with with these things. Like, yeah, you're absolutely right with that.
Okay, so then number three, you said once she has more energy and less duties to worry of, she is more inclined to think about sex, including kink.
If you're not good, not a good communicator, which is okay, give her a few but not a barrage of podcast articles or articles that introduce your favorite interests in an articulated way so we kind of touched on this already um in the fact that this is what you guys have done together is to you know read some articles or listen to some podcasts or whatever but i want oh i do want to point out that i think like why why i said that if you're not a good communicator which is okay i think a lot of guys just have a really hard time like expressing all their thoughts in a very like natural way that that sounds like them like they're like it's so hard to speak to speak of king for the first time for many guys uh or even the second time like it never gets old in a way and and then like you you start to stutter you start to stumble upon like sentences like it's just easier sometimes to just hey this article basically says what i want and why i want it and and this will just help you understand who i am so basically i think that was my whole intent i know that there's a lot of guys who have a really hard time with like talking without uh getting confused or i don't know getting into their own thoughts too much yeah oh i agree 100 yeah um okay and then you said, you said, introduce them after she's had a good intimate experience with you.
And please don't hesitate to use toys for her pleasure. Yes. Um, prefer content that represents the female point of view to a kink lifestyle. And then you said my, my podcast, thank you.
Um, and you said that this this is key wait for her to digest this information and avoid bombarding i really like that you put that at the end yeah because like what and that's what also i did but it was a first mistake that months many months ago is that you know i gave her like an article or podcast and then once she had finished it i immediately started asking questions but she hadn't really like analyzed it because she had she has stuff to do she's a normal mom yeah and then like uh but uh if you like give it some some weeks but you but you you know you're gently reminding like hey like can you can we like bring this up in a week or two then it's like it doesn't put too much pressure like you get you get a like time frame so it doesn't disappear from the conversation and communication but you also like uh do not pressure her into giving you answers in in 24 hours like she needs more times usually to digest this yes absolutely and so but you said to to bring it up uh or introduce that to her after she's had a good intimate experience so tell me what's the rationale behind this i mean generally Generally women are more open to discussing new kinks and new stuff after a mind-fucking orgasm.
Like, it's just easier to agree with stuff because you're in such a good state. And also, like, you're just willing to be more open-minded, perhaps.
Because you have just released a bunch of endorphins and you're just uh in a truly blissful state and then almost nothing seems like too weird but uh but i mean some stuff will still be uh will still be but most of the stuff you can be like hmm like i really love this guy perhaps like we can we can explore this yeah yeah um oh excellent advice okay uh number four or sorry number five you said ask simple open-ended questions what did you think do you think that we could explore it in a way that would make you feel comfortable comfortable being the key uh key word so open-ended questions are basically questions that don't require a yes or no they require some sort of um explanation kind of thing descriptive answer excellent advice for guys who maybe are not the you know sharpest with communication skills next level communication skills which is what this kind of relationship um requires and then uh you said gauge her reactions and truly listen do not interrupt or try to finish her sentences excellent advice yeah i mean i sometimes try to finish your because I think that we think very, very alike most of the time.
That's why we are a couple. But it's very slippery. And actually, it's not something you should do when you're discussing kink because that's sometimes a touchy subject and it has a whole realm of nuances and details that you want to discuss. And therefore, you should just shut the fuck up and truly listen to what she has to say. Just shut the fuck up and listen. I love it.
Okay, and then you said, number six, when it comes to cuckolding, avoid making her feel any type of of pressure start gently exploring some elements of non-humiliating uh femdom and you said humiliation can be very hard for vanilla women yes uh you said show her that it's not only a hardcore fantasy but something that makes you happy that's right because for i would say most women who are introduced to this word humiliation as a kink that to them means mean degrading damaging your partner potentially damaging your relationship so i like how you said that it make that you need to make her understand that this actually makes you happy yeah because for us i mean humiliation was also touchy subject you know because like her own grandma was a mean bitch and basically she didn't want to be like anything resembling her because uh she truly was mean i have seen her once and and she's and although she was kind with me i understood the resentment she had for her grandchildren which which was very weird to experience uh but uh because i mean yeah it's just like it's such a foreign realm accumulation like in general erotic accumulation like it's something we frown upon as a society you know we we don't tend to like uh cheer bullies we don't then tend to cheer people who i'm well actually you can we can act we can actually argue both ways because like spit roasting has been not spit roasting i mean roasting roasting shows have been more like popular these days and and stand-up comedies where it's a lot of like gentle humiliation but in general we don't tend to cheer those individuals who do that and especially women who do that so so yeah it's just like do not start with that like build your way towards it like yeah oh i yeah can't say that enough to those of you listening do not start with that and i have heard stories lots of stories where he did start with that i want you to tell me this that and that and she's like what what the fuck um okay and then you said um where are we here number seven Seven.
Thank you. You said you said for women and many men seeing their partners turned on makes them feel turned on. Absolutely. That's how it is for me. Um, you said it's a lot about the vibe, not the act or the visual. And if she's turned on, you both can slowly evolve.
Don't expect them to like cuckolding, make her enjoy the vibe of her taking charge what exactly did you mean by that i mean by that like at least in our relationship and some past relationships i've had um what i found out is that like if you girls don't like bondage sometimes they don't like cuckolding but they like some elements within it and they like the vibe that they are feeling with their partner during this act so they don't like the act itself like they don't give her they don't they don't like google bond that you're cuckolding in their free time but they do love the the vibe that you have when you're in a session with your partner so basically like uh this is like just advice for guys like do not expect women to like if you had a like a cuckolding ish like session with her do not expect her to start googling it like they like like probably she just like loved the she just loved the orgasm she had in the in the bedroom and likes the the way it makes her feel so basically and that that's sometimes a complicated concept to get her a hold of because there are women out there who like cuckolding.
There are women out there who like bondage as an actor or maybe as a visual as well. But I don't think that they're in the majority. Maybe you think so, but I don't think so. Yeah, I would absolutely agree with that. I think the biggest pull for me in the beginning when I was first learning about this was not necessarily what was happening, but it was, I was feeding off of how turned on he was by what was happening. So I totally understand what you're saying.
The more he was like, I'm talking next level turned on by all of this i was like damn like this is kind of fun kind of you know what i mean so i totally get what you're saying this might be a really powerful insight for a lot of guys out there who hadn't thought about it that way you know yeah yeah i mean and it's hard to think about this this way if you haven't really had a successful like experience like that yes because if you have like mostly so to say mediocre or bad experiences then you may never think of it this way because you don't have the real life example to lean on to so that yeah um okay and then number eight you said again do not hesitate to use toys as you evolve with her being in charge.
Visit a sex shop together. Continue being present and domestic duties and listening to her. Continue pampering. If she's receptive, introduce mild fantasies to her.
so there's two important things there that you said you said it a couple times now toys so do you do you think that most guys just like wouldn't think of or don't like to use toys actually i'm i have a couple of friends who don't want to buy their girlfriend the vibrator or dilda because that makes them feel that they are somehow inferior and and that they don't get the job done which is so fucking stupid like like it cannot like toys mostly can only enhance the relationship that you have not like make you feel inferior and if you and if you feel that way sorry but then maybe you are inferior like like if you think that the toy has so much power over your relationship or you, then sorry.
But it's a fucking piece of plastic or silicone. Like it has nothing to do with power over you. It has everything to do with her pleasure. And that should be the most important thing in my opinion.
and also like there are so many awesome toys out there that do like enhance any type of like session or like this experience like for example we use Lelo Sona Cruise 2 and this Lelo is a Swedish sex toy manufacturer who makes very high premium toys and almost all of their toys like work like a charm like they always work and and uh and it and it never diminishes any type of i don't know session that we have so guys go to sex shop together and just like and also like the sex shop is like clerks are usually very friendly and they're very knowledgeable about stuff so So it's just a generally good place to go as a date, for example.
And the second part introduced mild fantasies to her is that if you start with hardcore stuff, you're going to get burnt quite fast. It usually goes that way. I mean, not in all cases, but it usually goes that goes that way and oh one more thing about the toys uh i wanted to say because when we started our relationship we had two toys now we have about 25 so so so and our relationship is stronger than ever so go figure yes absolutely i think toys are an enhancement they're not there. They don't people guys don't have to be all insecure about it being a replacement for them.
It's an enhancement. And like you said, this is about her pleasure. So if you want to limit her pleasure, then you're really a piece of shit. Really? Yeah. Okay. We are making our way down this list. I love it so much. Um, you said, and I love, by the way, I love how you said, go on a date to the sex shop, the toy shop. I love that so much. That's so great. We need to make that a thing. Um, okay.
Number nine, You said not any women will be receptive to after this then it's time to ask yourself if it's the right relationship for you oh this one's hard this one's hard yeah you said this is hard especially if you've had kids maybe she would consent to you exploring your interests with a pro dominatrix it would be an ethical plan be okay we're talking about the elephant in the room right now this is the what if you are truly not compatible and not ever going to be compatible you have to really think about what to do all right can you make like are you going to stay in this relationship or are you going to leave or is there a plan b yeah and why i brought out the made the plan b like the for me it was the dominatrix is that we actually like discussed it like maybe like i have some kinks that she's just just not into it at all and and we actually discussed that maybe we can like i don't know try to indulge these kinks with a first partner who is a professional who doesn't who doesn't expect any sex but just like is there to cater to the kink so so to speak and that could work but all But I mean, some dominatrixes are very expensive, so it's not a solution for everyone.
And some people just don't have any great dominatrixes near them. They live in a, I don't know, they live in the countryside where there isn't really someone to just go to a session. So it's not for everyone. But yeah but yeah I mean that's really the hardest thing because I know like I know I've been lurking around in the internet community of kinky people for around 8 years, 10 years and I've I don't know I've befriended a lot of guys who are in this type of relationships. And I've just seen how they get sadder and sadder over years. And it's just, it's such a tragic thing to see.
Because like, you want the best for a person you get along with. But you can't really do anything because it's their life. And they have to make their choices.
You can make their choices you can make them for them and uh and and as i said like it's very hard to do with it if you have kids because then it gets messy all around like there i mean even without kids there's this whole like financial side there's this whole like security side where i'm going to go where i'm going to live how i'm going to make it on my own like there's so many questions that need to be answered and and you and when you're in this type of dire dire situation you start to think of all the positives that outweigh the negatives to talk yourself into it like that's the most common thing that usually happens yeah yeah i do like that you put it on the list, though, because that is, unfortunately, something that you have to consider for some people.
Okay, number 10, you said, but I have a hunch that most loving partners would agree to evolve and explore your sexual interests with you, especially if they feel they also benefit from this. You just got to be patient and patience is a quality that cucks must have. So true. Yeah, I mean, I'm a real life example. Like, if you don't have patience, I probably will be in a very unhappy relationship right now.
So, or I will be single, maybe in a very unhappy relationship right now so so or i will be single maybe like like who knows uh but i'm really glad i'm not and i'm really glad that i have found such a vanilla partner who's such an awesome person yeah well she does seem to be you know very open-minded vanilla and closed-minded is shitty. It sucks. But vanilla and open-minded is a good thing. And like we mentioned earlier, GGG, good giving and game, that's something Dan Savage talks about.
Like, if you really do love and appreciate and value your partner, then of course, you're going to you know extend that you know being open-minded and learning about what turns them on and as long as it's you know something that's within reason comfortable for you then fucking go for it why not right yeah and also like uh because you recommended the savage podcast and me and my girlfriend very much loved and i really recommend every cuck and cuckold dress to go go through it i mean for us there were there were like many many eye-opening statements there and many eye-opening like sentences there but like i think one of the most daunting well not the daunting but just one of the most memorable ones is that for gay guys and i know because i'm a bisexual guy and i have i have experienced this um it's really okay to be like i'm not i'm not into anal like i'm not into anal at all and and if a woman says i'm not into vaginal like or most of the guys are like what the like yeah like this woman is crazy like she doesn't want sex she isn't into any kind of sex when really like there's there there can be a multitude of reasons behind that and and sometimes she's just not into vaginal this week or this day uh and that's really fine but we like straight guys and straight people we they tend to think about sex in very binary ways sometimes where for bisexual and gay guys like it's true what dan savage says like in grinder almost almost every conversation starts with what are you into because then we can like see if we're actually compatible or we are just wasting each other's time and and then we start listing stuff that we that we both like and then we start negotiating what's gonna what's gonna happen next so so it's a good tactic and i wish more straight people used that yeah and it's it's a very good point that like uh when it comes to sex with hetero people like they you don't you don't start out a conversation like that when normally when it comes to sex it's just the expectation is that you know you might do a little oral and then you're gonna stick your dick in her pussy and yeah that's that's what's gonna happen of course we're talking about sex right i mean like that's that's the expectation with with hetero couples and like when it comes to sex but yeah if we could just like copy some of what uh that what the conversations are like between gay gay men or gay couples is that like you have to have that that conversation starting out as like okay what are you into if you're into this great if not okay what else can we do and come up with like a plan and that's so so important so what what we're talking about is dan savage uh there's a lot of videos online where he's done some some talks and stuff like that and um one of them is one of my absolute fucking favorites Thank you.
There's a lot of videos online where he's done some, some talks and stuff like that. And, um, one of them is one of my absolute fucking favorites and it's called the three things that we get wrong about love. It is, I think about an hour long. It is amazing. I have bookmarked it for years and years. I have recommended this video to so many people because it is every person who I've talked to who has watched it has been like, wow, I learned so much. I never thought of things in that way. Um, I, I, I can't, I'm constantly telling people to watch this video.
So Dan Savage is like, he's been a sex advice columnist, um, uh, for, for so fucking long is many, many years. Um, like he's been a sex advice columnist um uh for for so fucking long many many years um and he's got a podcast uh called the savage love cast and he's just he's he's truly amazing he's the reason why i am doing what i'm doing because he actually was the first person to introduce me to non-monogamy. To open my eyes to like, oh, there's other stuff out there. And he's hilarious. And he's smart and witty and fun. And he's just great. So I highly recommend.
I'll put the link to the video in the show notes for today. But I'll also put a link to his podcast as well. Yeah.
What we also really like from dan savage is monogamy is nice idea and and what we also like was that hmm what weighs more like 10 years of relationship a shared house kids great memorable experiences or this one hand job from a masseuse like like basically like it's like you don't want to like support cheating like there's and also there's different levels of cheating and what's true like uh some cheating is is more like that's way more than than the list i mentioned but usually like people do tend to fuck want to other people throughout their life than besides their own partner and monogamy is a nice idea and if you are loyal to your partner for the rest of your life you should you should get a gold medal but uh but it's yeah yeah he's saying the standards of perfection that we have for monogamy are just so fucking unrealistic so let like i said you have to watch that if you haven't watched the video you have to dan savage the three things we get wrong about love Thank you.
So, like I said, you have to watch that. If you haven't watched the video, you have to, Dan Savage, The Three Things We Get Wrong About Love. So, after you wrote this, or, you know, I actually should ask you, did your wife contribute to this list? Or did you guys go through it after? So, basically, she contributed she contributed to with our experiences and I also talked about this list, but she doesn't, but she didn't read it through like before I published it. So, uh, but she, like, uh, when she's hearing me right now, as we are speaking about this podcast, I can see her showing thumbs up.
So, yeah, that's great.
what is the you posted this on twitter it obviously blew up um what is what have been some of the reactions that you've gotten from people from this list um most reactions have been supportive and like uh yay i needed to hear this or like it's good to be reminded of some some basic stuff so obviously i think this post has reached some people who have already followed some of these points and actually like um are just reminded that this was the way they started or they perhaps like maybe they should tamper more or do more domestic duties like they have forgotten some things but there have also been like a few guys who have actually like slided into my dms and just told me that hey like dude like this was maybe the thing i needed because like i don't know what to do with my vanilla girlfriend like i'm just like stuck in this place and uh you know i didn't i didn't try to hold his hand and say that if this doesn't work then i'm out of ideas but i'm maybe dan savage or maybe venus has more ideas so so these are my ideas right now but if you need more i'm sure that there are people out there who can give you more that's amazing like i said in the beginning of the show like i really do think that talking about this list reading this list sharing that this list is going to be really helpful for a lot of people who are going through this very, very common dilemma of, I'm kinky, he or she is not, and how do we make this work kind of thing?
How do we work with that? How do we make these steps to take, this plan to take to be able to eventually make it work kind of thing? So I think it's really amazing. Thank you so much for writing this and for sharing it. You certainly didn't have to. There are people out there who are just living their life, doing their thing, learning stuff, but not everybody takes the initiative to put it out there and share it with the hope of helping other people. So I really appreciate that about you.
Well, the thing is also that, I mean, because, I mean, it doesn't be not always like this smooth ride for us. Like we have also had some rocky patches where like we felt that we are kind of like stuck in some place or like there's some things that aren't progressing as fast as I want them to progress. And I think it's just incredibly common. And it's way more common than I want to think.
And therefore, you know, as a dude, you want to do good for other dudes and other women as well, because I'm sure that there are also couples out there where the woman is the more kinkers side and the guy is like hey i just want to like do some doggy style and and i'm good yeah but uh but i do think that the world of kink has so much to offer to us i am absolutely amazed with the whole concept of cuckolding as you might have as you might have guessed um and and i do think that kinks and cuckolding whatever like sexual lifestyles they can really bring forth so many great memories down the down the road that you really want to relive as you get older and older so yeah absolutely well our time is up we do need to wrap this up which is a shame because i feel like we could talk about this for a lot a lot longer but um where can the listeners go to learn more about you ask a question that kind of thing so i'm not a really social people because i have kids to grow and also i need i need to do domestic duties in house so i just i just don't have time for social that much but i am on twitter or and uh or slash x as they call it these days and nordicoc is my is my account there and if you really want to get hold of me other other ways you can always like i'm i try to be active on venus's helpful cock snapchat group but sometimes i just don't have time for that as well so basically those are the two places you can find me yeah thanks for mentioning the helpful cock uh group it that's Basically, anybody listening that's like a supporter tier where um you get access to my my snapchat group which has been a lot of fun um so yeah if you if you and then we meet we meet up once a week we have live hangouts together once a week um and private chats once a month and so um it's such an awesome place to be able to connect with not just me, but like each other, which has been really cool.
So, all right, that's going to be it for this episode today. Thank you so much, Oliver, for coming on the show again. Anytime. Anytime. Thank you to all of the listeners who tuned in for this show today. I hope you loved it. Make sure you go to venuscuckoldress.com. That's where you can book a private chat with me, check out some events, or join one of the membership tiers. And oh yeah, Locktober is coming up. And key holding is actually included in the helpful cuck tier.
So if you want me to hold your chastity key for the month of October or longer, you can send me your key as part of that tier. That's venuscuckoldress.com. Okay, make sure you check me out on Twitter as well. My handle is at cuckoldressb. That's it for women. Well, it's for everyone, but it is especially for women. And I'll give you an example. They have hot wifing videos that one of them is that I watched. It was narrated by a woman. Okay. So hot.
It's from her perspective, from her point of point of view oh my god so sexy lots of interaction between her and her husband lots of eye contact all that sort of stuff like it's hot guys if you want to get your wife or girlfriend into this kind of thing watch this together i'm you. But it's not just videos. They actually have guided masturbations. They have partner exercises to improve communication and intimacy. And they have candid interviews with sex educators, influencers, and therapists. Like, there's so much more than just porn videos. It's amazing. Definitely check it out.
With the code Venus, you can try it out for a week. The website is xoafterglow.com. And the code you need for your We'll see you next time. amazing definitely check it out with the code venus you can try it out for a week the website is xoafterglow.com and the code you need for your free week is venus that's xoafterglow.com check out the show notes if you can't remember if you just want the link enjoy
