It has been said they are the unicorns of unicorns - the single female who is genuinely looking for a loving cuckolding relationship. Research has shown that more men than women have cuckolding fantasies and men fantasize about it more often than women so it s no wonder single men have such a seemingly difficult time finding a woman who would be interested in this kind of relationship dynamic. But alas they do exist! And today s show features a conversation with one of those women. Find out what dating has been like for her, what she s really needing from the men out there, and concerns specific to being a single woman in the cuckolding lifestyle. This show is obviously a must-listen-to episode for all of the single cucks out there, but also for the single women, and for the couples there is some really interesting insight into physical and emotional safety with bulls. Venus Cuckoldress WebsiteVenus Connections - matchmaking for loving cuckolding relationshipsMaison De Neige Couture ASN Magazine - Venus feature: The sexually empowered woman who wants it allFull Swap Radio - listen to Venus every Tuesday at 5pm and 11pm Central TimeNew Merch! - yeah you read that right! Now you can get Venus/Cuckolding inspired merch!Submit a question for the showPillow Talks - find out how you can register for these live events with Venus and friends!Become a Patreon supporter - support the podcast and get lots of perks! Including the Venus Vault!Venus on TwitterVenus on InstagramVenus on YouTubeVenus on FacebookSupport the showDestination Links for Venus - https://linktr.ee/venuscuckoldressLearn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices❤️Venus Connections❤️ - Matchmaking for loving cuckolding relationships and female-led relationships. Learn more at https://www.venusconnections.com/ 👑♠️ Maison De Neige is high end lifestyle and streetwear fashion with a passion for the beauty of interracial combined with high fashion. Visit https://www.maisondeneige.com/ ❤️xoafterglow.com❤️ Meet the platform for ethical porn. Made by women, for women (and everyone). We make and share videos that portray sex accurately and treat performers with dignity, because nothing is sexier than consent. Use code VENUS for a free 7 day trial at ➡️ https://afterglow.ubpages.com/venus/Support the showDestination Links for Venus - https://lnk.bio/VenusPodcast
Transcript
Hey, are you looking for a hot wife? Maybe you're looking for a cuckold relationship. Then you need to join Venus Connections matchmaking service. It's totally private, it's fun blind dates, and all members are vetted. And it works. There was even a wedding last year and there'll be another one next year. It's definitely hard to find your life partner. I know. And it's even harder to find this kind of relationship. But you'll never win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket, right? So join VenusConnections.com. That's VenusConnections.com. And find the relationship of your dreams.
Coming up on the Venus Cuckoldress podcast. Man, I'm not even talking to you face to face. I can't have the pleasure of like full communication with like body language and tone of voice. And I'm trying to say, hey, I'm super interested in you, but can we please stop talking about the thing that we both love and have in common and want to do for the rest of our lives? And they get so confused. They're like, what's going on and why shouldn't we talk about it? And it's like trying not to get them to read it as a bummer.
When we talk about safety, one of the things that for me provides the most amount of safety is having an intimate connection with my lovers. And I think that the monogamous world really combines those things and thinks they can't be separated. And I am here to tell everyone they absolutely can be. You can have intimacy, friendship, and affection with any amount of lovers, and they don't have to be involved in your life.
You're not going to invite them to the barbecue and that's okay i don't think guys realize how huge even that would be like we're starved for even just a little bit of getting to know you talk the single women can you know they they can come across as like almost insecure and needy about it but no it's just that we actually need some solid fucking reassurance because we have been treated like that repeatedly. So until proven otherwise, I'm going to assume that you are going to fuck off on me. Basically. Dating online sucks. These guys are really porn frenzied.
they have unrealistic expectations of the women out there when it comes to you know them being their personal porn star to fulfill their cuckolding fantasies for them and it making it more about the cuck than it is about her and they have really struggled with it and like i've given up so many times i've been like fuck it that's it i'm done i'm tired of being treated like this i'm fucking done pretty sure i said that after new york welcome to the venus cuckoldress podcast a place to learn all things cuckolding for the curious the passionate and the sexually empowered woman who wants it all make sure you go to venuscuckoldress.com to subscribe to the podcast and check out the Venus blog and of course if you love it share it now sit back make comfortable, and enjoy the show with your host, Venus.
Welcome to this episode of the Venus Cuckoldress podcast. I'm your host Venus. Thank you so much for joining me today. I sincerely hope that everything is safe and secure for all of my listeners out there. It is heartbreaking to see what's going on in the news right now, and it's just, it's heavy. It's feeling very, very heavy. So I just want to acknowledge that before I get into today's episode that, man, there's a lot of shit going on that's really fucked up in the world right now. Anyway, I just, it's hard. It's just really, really hard right now to watch the news. Okay, moving on.
So before I get into today's episode, I want to also just have a little quick little message about Apple Podcast subscriptions. They have fucked up my subscriptions for the meanest cuckoldress podcast. Oh man, what a nightmare. Over a week ago, all I did was change the artwork for the subscriptions and then poof, all of the bonus episodes were gone off of Apple. And I was like, what the fuck? So I have been in contact with them almost every single day trying to figure out what's going on.
And they've gone through a series of steps to figure out what's up because on my end, everything seems okay. And yet in the app, you can't see the bonus episodes. So they have assured me that they are aware of a problem with this bonus episodes not showing up and that they are working on it. I contacted them today and I was like, okay, seriously, how long is this going to take? It's been over a week. And all they'll say to me is, we'll get back to you when we can. And we're working on it.
So i'm really sorry for all of my listeners who who subscribe to apple podcast subscriptions man it fucking sucks right now because uh there's really no bonus content for you to listen to and it's uh nothing i can do about it right now it will get fixed i promise it will i don't know when hopefully in the next few days. Okay. And I wanted to just mention that the next Pillow Talk event is booked for Friday, April 8th. And it is going to be a sequel to the Cuck Week panel that I had going on in January that was so much fucking fun.
So it's going to be Confident Cuck James, who's husband of Anne. They've been on the show before. Same with Confident Cuck. And Cuck S, who is the husband of GTA Hot Wife. And just like the Cuck Week panel event, the questions will come from only the ladies. So it's going to be great. It's going to be a lot of fun. We only managed to get through like not even half of the questions for the guys at the last event. And I had so many people asking for them to come back. So it is definitely going to be a good night. If you want to register, you can go to venuscuckoldrist.com.
Click on the tab that says Pillow Talk. Oh, and before I forget, I would just like to ask one favor from all my listeners. If this podcast has helped you in some way, or you found it enjoyable to listen to or learn from, then I would really appreciate it if you would leave a five-star review on Apple or Spotify or whatever listening platform that you listen to the podcast on. I would appreciate that very much. All right, it's time now to dive right into today's episode right after this quick message. calling all sex and intimacy illustrators. Have we got an interesting case for you.
Key Barrett, who wrote the book Locked in Love, is working on a new book and he needs your help. He's looking for 15 to 20 illustrations of sex positions where the submissive partner is locked in chastity. These can be very simple illustrations like an airline safety card or your own unique style. There will be credit, royalties, and a small compensation for each image. Find Key Barrett on Twitter for more details. joining me on the show today is my friend Ella, who is an American studying abroad.
And she's going to be talking with me a little bit about what it's like to be a single woman in this lifestyle looking for this kind of relationship. So welcome Ella to the show. You want to say hello to everyone? Hello, everyone. Thank you for having me, Venus. Oh, so happy to have you on. Okay. So now before I get into it, I just want to say, like, I am so fucking excited to have you on the show today because I feel like the conversation around cuckolding, understandably, revolves around couples. Duh. It's a relationship.
So, but I think traditionally But I think traditionally, for a long time, nearly all cuckolding couples were, you know, coupled before they brought cuckolding into it. And so that's how it was kind of introduced. And so all the things that we normally talk about with cuckolding revolve around issues that couples may experience and, you know, those sort of things with bulls or fighting bulls or whatever. And I really do feel like that perspective from a single woman who wants this kind of relationship, who is in this lifestyle right now, who is looking for this, is that perspective is missing.
Thank you. woman who wants this kind of relationship, who is in this lifestyle right now, who is looking for this is that perspective is missing, for the most part. Like, I've been talking about it for a while, but like, I'm like the only one talking about it. So I'm so happy to have you on the show so that you can share what it's been like for you and some of the challenges for you as well. And just what this lifestyle looks like to you, you know, from you, you know, out there looking in at the lifestyle, what that perspective actually is. So I'm so excited for this conversation today. Great.
Me too. Before we get into it, Ella, I just want to maybe for the listeners listeners, just give us a little bit of a backstory as to how you found yourself looking for this kind of relationship today. Yes. So I got into cuckolding through cut queens first, actually. This was, I don't know, maybe 10 years ago now for me, I found cut queen porn on Tumblr. Oh, wow. Yeah, back when Tumblr, before Tumblr. Anyways, great porn site, great site overall, but I still have fun on there. But Tumblr used to be a magnificent thing that it is no longer.
But I stumbled in a click hole onto cut queen porn and I got into it because I wanted to be the cut cake the other woman in the cuckolding relationship for the cut queen couple and the minute I realized that was a thing my head practically exploded with excitement and I was like I was born for this I'm ready for this and I want this so I spent a few years um just like Thank you. practically exploded with excitement. And I was like, I was born for this. I'm ready for this. And I want this.
So I spent a few years just like fucking around on the internet, trying to fuck queens are hard to find too, if we're talking about women in cuckolding. Plus cuckoldresses are, you know, in the vast minority, but cuck queens, man, they can be hard to find too.
So, so yeah, I found some and i had some fun times and then i you know and there's also the ones that kind of end up being duds because they're sampling the waters and then they just disappear because they're so scared and um i'm actually so grateful for the experience because two of my best friends in the kink scene are a couple that i was with for a while. And now we're just friends, but, um, we, we cucked, uh, you know, my friend's wife and that was a lot of fun. Yeah. So that was 10 years ago.
And that was when I was pretty much only identified as submissive, but my sexuality evolved and I started to get into the dominant side of things. And I started to just, you know, the imagination runs and everything else follows. And so once I started to become more dominant, it really clicked into place maybe three or four years ago that I really wanted to cuck a man as a dominant woman. Now I know that like FLR, femdom, DomSub, all these run on different tracks. These are all separate kinks. But for me, there's an element of power play that I enjoy in all my BDSM.
And to me, I apply that to cuckolding. So yeah, it's just everything clicked into place. It became the lifestyle that I craved for a lot of personal reasons, not just sexual reasons. And I just thought, how much more perfect could it get than to have a cuck partner and live that lifestyle and be the polyamorous slut I was meant to be while he stays closed? It's beyond perfect.
I get excited every time I talk about it, which is one of my downfalls with online dating by the way you've taught me well you've tried to teach me but man is it hard i know i struggle with it too yeah so for the listeners what she's talking about is uh so i have the venus connections matchmaking service and ella is uh part of that uh matchmaking service so she's gone through and done the courses and in the courses i do talk about um shelving the cuckolding talk within the first bit of the relationship and it's not easy because we enjoy it it's so not easy because yes we enjoy it but also primary like i could Thank you.
not easy because we enjoy it it's so not easy because yes we enjoy it but also primary like i could i could really shelve it if i needed to but the cucks they are the ones that push it every single time and you really it's like man i'm not even talking to you face to face i can't have the pleasure of like full communication with like body language and tone of voice. And I'm trying to say, Hey, I'm super interested in you, but can we please stop talking about the thing that we both love and have in common and want to do for the rest of our lives? And they get so confused.
They're like, what's going on and why shouldn't we talk about it?
And it's like trying not to, trying not to get them to read it as a bummer is really, I think that's the piece that's really hard where'm like no i'm excited i'm still excited and that whole thing is still really exciting to me but can we set it aside for vanilla discussions and a lot of the time it just doesn't happen or it doesn't really work or they don't get it or something i don't know interracial black and white the beautiful and sexy relationship dynamic that we love now in a lifestyle clothing brand you can wear with pride don't sacrifice quality and comfort any longer with maison dinege you get both in fresh empowering looks for every occasion for everyone from the streets to the sheets and everywhere in between check us out at Maison Dinesh calm Maison Dinesh couture modern fashion for the modern revolution so share with us what has your dating experience been up until now like you just thought you've you found that you really want this kind of relationship it fits who you are you're super excited about it what has it been like so where do you go first of all where do you go like where i'm assuming you were like on fetlife and stuff like that and you were kind of trying to meet people online and through the kink world and stuff like that so so where do you where did you go I don't know.
I'm assuming you were like on FetLife and stuff like that, and you were kind of trying to meet people online and through the kink world and stuff like that. So where did you go when you decided you want this, and what was it like? FetLife. I only date on FetLife, and I had been dating on FetLife well before I got into male cuckolding, so it was a very natural transition. I just switched my profile around. I started to look at group postings and things like that on the cuck sites, the group sites. But what has it been like? Well, it's been difficult. It's been interesting and difficult.
I am, man. So I started looking online and I feel like I think looking back on it I feel like I was a babe in the woods like I didn't know how to screen for the flakiness and like the cuck angst where they get really excited and then scared and disappear So obviously we can get into those subjects so heavily if you want. But I was having an okay time of talking to people that I wanted to meet. Some were local. I was living in Chicago at the time. That's where I'm from. And I did go on some dates with some potential cruckles in Chicago. They did not pan out for one reason or another.
One was definitely, he wasn't even, he wasn't a scammer, but he was a faker of some kind. He, he's on the, he's on the no-go list. Um, yeah, I discovered after I read that, I was like, I want on a date with that guy. God damn it. So he's, you know, he's blacklisted now, but then the pandemic hit and just my whole dating world stopped. I had been talking to plenty of long, I always talk to long distance people.
There's never, for me with fetish dating and kink dating, there's never eliminating people long distance because there's no, there's no way you're going to find everyone local that you need to that's going to just fit all these little details that end up being really important. So I had been talking to some people long distance, but it all really sort of stopped and fell apart during the pandemic. And I quarantined in Chicago for 14 months.
And then when I came to Europe in late August of 21 last year, I started dating again full on because I was able to pandemic wise and safety wise, which COVID safety is incredibly important to me. So you got to play it safe, but we all take a hit. We all take a hit by suppressing our desires and suppressing our need for connection and intimacy and all that. And I have had such a weird string of bad luck since I've been in Europe. It has been kind of uniquely bad, so much so that I can't not laugh about it. I was talking to this one guy online. He lives in whatever.
He kind of lives all over, but he has a business based out of Europe and we had been talking online for a year and a half. I put an end to it sort of like six months before I moved to Europe and I didn't know whether or not it was going to happen. Cause I told him, I was like, I just can't like the thing that was the tease for me was the promise and anticipation of something. But since I've never met him in person, I don't know if we're going to vibe. I don't know if we're going to click.
I don't know if I'm going to like his smell, like all those things that you need to know when you meet someone in person that really determine chemistry and attraction and fit. So it was just such a tease talking to him and not knowing and not knowing if I would ever meet him. And like the depression of the pandemic was real. And I was like, everything sucks. Let's just put a pin in it. And if we have the potential to meet, let's start talking again. So I messaged him when I knew I was moving to Europe. He was over the moon enthusiastic. Now, let's put this into context.
He would message me every morning and call me his queen. He came then to where I'm staying and came to visit me within two weeks of me getting here. We had a two-night date, went pretty well in my opinion. I had a good time. And then three days later, he says, he texts me that he got back from some hiking trip with his daughter and said he's re-evaluating his life and he thinks he needs to go vanilla. So with his daughter and said he's re-evaluating his life and he thinks he needs to go vanilla. So I just, I was like, okay, I don't know what the fuck just happened, but that's a lie.
And it's just one of those things where who knows, just who knows what they have going on in their life who knows what their expectations and fantasies are I really do think that when you're trying to find guys who say they're cucks or are cucks you know either one um the thing that gets in the way is their preconceived notions of what it is their fantasy the whole porn fantasy And of course it's derived mostly from porn, but you can't measure up to it. Real life can't measure up to that sometimes or ever.
And when real life and real life dynamic gets involved, I think sometimes there's this sensation of the bubble being burst for them somehow, or because their hopes were so high or their agitation and angst and excitement was so high because cuck angst is like nothing I've ever seen before. So I don't know if anybody gets more excited than a cuck who's angsty. Like they are over, they are through the roof with it.
So when they come come down from that I can imagine it feeling like a real like like a real sort of drop you know yeah and I think they associate us with that drop sometimes as if we did something and I'm like no it wasn't me this is just life man I don't know what to tell you I don't know how to prepare you for what to expect with real life but if you can't tell the difference then I can't help you so I just had like a number of guys over here in Europe that just did not pan out and they all sort of felt kind of like that like there was something about not being able to measure up to their preconceived notion of what the fantasy is I think there were one or two where there's some where there was a real mismatch of kink like I think someone wanted to be way way more submissive than I was able to be dominant for so it's like stuff like that too where it's just like oh yeah yeah it doesn't doesn't work out and no no big heartbreak no no big feelings we both experimented and figured out it wasn't you know it wasn't right for us and that's okay.
But a few of them were pretty heartbreaky for me and I've had a tough time. But I keep, I keep trying. I pick myself back up and I keep trying because there are so many cucks out there that want a cuckoldress. And I just keep thinking, you know, maybe the numbers really will just be in my favor for this, but we'll see.
We'll see'll see what happens yeah I know what all of those struggles are are like and it's it's across the board that kind of flaky behavior when it comes to cucks um sometimes I can see it coming sometimes it really comes out of left field and that's when it pisses me off because I'm like fuck yes oh god because then your hopes are up too like at that point I've had a few times where I'm like this is it we hit it off so well and the sex was awesome and like we want the same we have the same lifestyle things and like you know the distance isn't an issue or whatever and then your own hopes get up and your fantasies are up there high in the sky and then they just disappear and you're like maybe not then okay i mean it happened it happened to me not that long ago i flew out all the way to fucking new york city just to get stood up on a fucking date i was like for real venus who stands you up you've got right i'm like mother fucker I don't know.
for real Venus who stands you up you've got right I'm like motherfucker but you know what I kind of knew that that there was a real possibility that he would not show up because uh he uh you know demonstrated some shady kind of flaky behavior in the past but I let it slide so you know what it's kind of my Well, you got a trip to New York out of it. Hopefully you got some shopping and a show or something. Yeah. Yeah. I love New York. So, okay. So dating in general has been kind of shit for you. No, no big surprise here.
I think this is what I've heard from the majority of the women who are in the Venus Connections program. What I find really fascinating with these women in this program, including yourself, is that these are women who don't have actual experience in this kind of relationship. I had no idea that there are so many women out there who don't have experience in it that wanted it. I thought the majority of women would be, I had this kind of relationship before I liked it and I want it again. And there are some of those women in the program, but the majority of women don't have any experience at all.
They just have learned about this kind of relationship. And they're like, this suits who I am. Like, this suits me. This sounds like this is what I want and need to feel fulfilled in my life. And that I'm just like, oh my God, mind blown. So fucking excited. thrilled, and just so happy to hear that. However, I am hearing the same frustrations from single women who are saying dating online sucks. These guys are really porn frenzied.
They have unrealistic expectations of the women out there when it comes to you know them being their personal porn star to fulfill their cuckolding fantasies for them and and it making it more about the cuck than it is about her and all of these kinds of things so um they have really struggled with it and like i have i've given up so many times i've been like fuck it that's it i'm done I don't know. I don't've given up so many times. I've been like, fuck it. That's it. I'm done. I'm tired of being treated like this. I'm fucking done. Pretty sure I said that after New York.
And yet you have a business about it. So you're not going be done. Several businesses. So I'm back and, but but yeah it's a common struggle so i really wanted you to i wanted another voice on this on this show to to sort of um let people know that hey like this is an actual problem so when when i made created this podcast i to, you know, really kind of educate people about cuckolding being a loving relationship, but also highlight some of the challenges that couples face. But some of the challenges that single women face as well, when it comes to dating, you're right.
There's very few of us out there. We are the unicorns of fucking unicorns, like rare as fuck. And there's a gazillion guys out there who want this. There's so very few women. Um, you'd think that they would treat us a little bit better. You think I, I, I, one of the reasons that I said, I switched to male cuckolding and then like click, it all fell into place. And I realized this is such a great dynamic for so many reasons. But for me, the vanilla side of the dynamic is a loving partnership, like a loving primary partnership. That is something that I crave.
I have, you know, my history with this is it's on and off. I will say that I live a very non-traditional life in almost every way. So I don't have the traditional partnership route in my past either. I have non-traditional partnerships and dating experiences, But I'm like, you know, I'm like any other person that wants to feel the comfort and security of a home and, and, um, a person by your side, this whole quote unquote partner in crime bullshit that we say, you know, it's, it has a ring of truth to it. And like, I got into this kink thinking, oh my God, great.
Inherent in the dynamic is a serious relationship, a serious relationship with serious, honest feelings. And I have been so surprised to learn that many, in my experience at least, many cucks either don't get that or don't show me that they get that because they do things that do not work towards vanilla intimacy. I don't. Yes. And that's what I've been trying. That kind of disconnect is what I've been trying to teach the guys in the matchmaking service. I'm like, okay, you guys, you need to actually look at this differently, like and approach things differently.
Like this is what as women, this is what we need from you. This is what you're not giving us in order to build a relationship. Like we need this part of it. Have you blown their minds? Have the men been knocked out of their socks by this? Yes. I think that there's two components to the matchmaking educational program that the men have given a lot of feedback on. And it is the first one being safety needs for women. They really failed to even think about that.
And then the second one being that there's this huge disconnect in the way that men and women approach each other based on our needs in the initial dating part. So and that is such a hindrance to us actually being able to form a real vanilla connection. Yeah, you know, precisely, precisely.
I honestly, everyone in this kink lifestyle should be sending you gift cards and thank you notes and like just just the the lord's work venus you're doing the lord's work by educating these people and opening up platforms for us to talk about it because i think it's a very special thing to be able to voice your experience and feel heard and seen that's just just such a lovely thing. So thank you. Interracial, black and white, the beautiful and sexy relationship dynamic that we love now in a lifestyle clothing brand you can wear with pride. Don't sacrifice quality and comfort any longer.
With Maison Dinesh, you get both in fresh, empowering looks for every occasion for everyone from the streets to the sheets and everywhere in between check us out at Maison Dinesh calm Maison Dinesh couture modern fashion for the modern revolution okay so I really that brings me to the other thing that I want to talk to you about about is safety. I have recognized from for a long time now as a single woman So I really, that brings me to the other thing that I want to talk to you about is safety.
I have recognized from, for a long time now as a single woman in this lifestyle, safety is very, very important to me. It's a huge concern. I mean, it's been a huge concern my whole life. I'm a woman. I have to think about that all the fucking time. But I think within this lifestyle, as a single woman, you are thinking about that even more like it is really front and center. And so and it is for couples as well. But I do find that there is this kind of like privilege that couples have and that they have each other to keep each other safe.
Or know so they have this little layer of security and in being a couple that you and I just don't have and so it is up to us and only us to protect ourselves and something really resonated with me so strongly with that when I was speaking to you in our interview you said something I asked you about or we were talking about like about how a lot of wives when they're first introduced to the idea of this in the relationship they beeline straight to the idea of having a friends with benefits kind of person they want they want like an actual boyfriend relationship or a really deep friendship.
Basically, they just, they want to feel comfortable and secure with that person. And I get that. But you said something like, well, I want that, but I want it because that as a single woman is the safest option. And I was like, oh my my God, I get you on that. Yeah, yeah. And boom, there you go. Like, these are the types of challenges that I think people need to know about that we face unique challenges that we face as a single woman dating in this lifestyle. Yeah, I think one of the concerns that cuckolds and cuckold couples may have at some point is who is the lover going to be?
Who is the bull going to be? And how do you determine the level of involvement they have in your lives? And I think for some couples coming into this kink out of monogamy have this real closed approach to saying, well, you can't have feelings for them and you can't develop a relationship with them and they can't be your boyfriend or girlfriend and they can't X, Y, or Z and this and this and that. And the cuckolding kink is about the primacy of your feelings for each other, right?
The thing that makes the cuckold feel secure at the end of the day when you're going home is that they are your chosen partner. You love them. You are at the end devoted to them that the kink in itself involves this massive amount of role play and power exchange over the cuck's humiliation, degradation, and whatever other kinks they enjoy. But when we talk about safety, one of the things that for me provides the most amount of safety is having an intimate connection with my lovers. Like I have to know them as a person.
I have to just get the, you know, just, hey, where does your, oh, your daughter went to school and had a bad day. Tell me about it. Like, tell me about your life. I'm not going to go and I'm not going to go meet the parents. I'm not going to water their plants when they're out of town. I'm like, there's a level of intimacy that can be had without commitment. You know what I mean? And I think that the monogamous world really combines those things and thinks they can't be separated. And I am here to tell everyone they absolutely can be.
You can have intimacy, friendship, and affection with any amount of lovers and they don't have to be involved in your life. You're not going to invite them to the barbecue and that's okay.
You know, like, so it is, it is paramount to my safety to feel comfortable and to get to know someone because when, particularly when we're talking about cis men, so when you're dating a guy and he's emotionally present, you know, can open up about his life and speak to it in intellectual ways, you know, you just start to match with them as a person in terms of their perspective, their values, how they view safety and consent in the bedroom. This is incredibly important when you're talking to a potential lover. Do they signal to you that they care about your safety?
Because I'm not a vanilla player. I'm mostly a kink player, even though I enjoy vanilla and I would never shame any sex ever. All sex is good sex, but all consensual sex is good sex. But I only do power exchange, really.
So when I'm talking to people, I'm talking about kink play, and I start off slow and, you know, start from home base or, you know, base one, and you go to the other bases, and you build as you go, which is another reason to create connection with your lovers so that when you have an ongoing relationship with them, you can build and the sex can get better and they can participate in your cuck dynamic in other ways that enhance the relationship with your partner. So it's in everyone's best interest, in my opinion, to develop intimate, affectionate relationships with your lovers.
That must be the most angsty, though, for the cuck. I think, I mean, and when we're talking about kink and power exchange, but particularly when we're talking about polyamory and non-monogamy, the most important thing is communication, forever and always. You talk to any polyamorous community, any non-monogamous community, and they will say that you're not going to survive if you can't communicate with your partner. And that involves a certain amount of emotional intelligence that involves being able to express your fears and your anxieties without hurling insults and building resentments.
You know, you have to have non-violent communication. You have to this is, this is varsity level shit. This is not this. I'm just saying like communication and polyamory is varsity level communication. So when you can have that and you can practice it because you just get better the more you do it. So start, start as an amateur, but then grow and, and improve and know yourself and know your partner in better and more intimate ways than you ever thought you could. It just, it can eliminate any concern for, am I going to be replaced?
Is, are she going to eventually not want sex for me ever again? Like all the fears that you may have in a cuckolding relationship can be alleviated, in my opinion, with communication. And if you can be on the same plane with each other, then I think that the safety mechanisms and the safety standards that we kind of have to employ as women will really work out for the couple. So you were talking earlier about these kind of unrealistic expectations that a lot of cucks, single cucks have.
Is it because they don't understand that kind of level of communication that's involved in this kind of relationship? Is that part of it? Oh, gosh, that's a great question. I think it could be any number of things. And that certainly seems to be one of them. I think you're right. Like, when I say communication, I'm not just saying like, you know, I can talk and listen. It's like, but do you know what to say? Do you know how to describe your feelings? Do you know what your interior experience is? Or are you just closed off and afraid?
Like if you've never interest, if you've, if you're not an introspective person, and you've never sort of interrogated why you feel the way you feel, it's kind of be a little bit scary and difficult to, to approach those things, you know, the first few times. And I really think that, you know, just let me thinking bigger picture here, because I'm a social scientist, and I think big.
When we talk about living under the patriarchy, one of the privileges that men and male body people can get away with is they don't have to be introspective about how they feel, because the world doesn't interrupt it enough for it to be necessary. Like systems work for men, systems are built for men. When systems are built for you, it's just, you kind of skate through life a little bit less interfered with, is my opinion, like the way I see it.
And I think one of the things that may be preventing Cox from understanding how to take the fantasy to reality is that there is a lot of this high level communication and intimacy and bonding that comes with that communication. And it may not be something they've ever really experienced before, or it may not be something that they experienced to the depth that we may want. I don't know. I I think that there's, I think that there's a lot there though.
I would love to hear from cuckold guys, what they think about that, actually what their experience would be because, you know, narrowing down some of the, some of the major through or causes, I guess of what, what creates this fantasy and why is this fantasy have to be, because I have fantasies too, for Christ's sake. Like I have plenty of fucking fantasies that I, I, I think about how to take into real life or never taken to real life because it's just unrealizable. Like one of my favorite examples probably comes from Dan Savage.
Cause I kind of grew up on Dan, which is which is like okay if your fantasy is to fuck a centaur you can't fuck a centaur but you can ask your partner to put on a furry costume and role play it you know what i mean we have to create imaginatively try to recreate the conditions of the fantasies that we want so like i don't know how these men don't think about how to take it into real life. But there is something very prevalent there with these guys where they simply aren't doing that work. And I don't know why. I sincerely don't know why.
We don't have enough time to get into the psyche of men, which is probably all we'll do, but still. Well, I do really like that we are addressing that because going back to what I said about the cuckolding usually originates with couples who have an established relationship, they likely can fall back on that level of communication that they already have in their relationship. And so that they can, you know, stumble a little bit and then be able to pick each other up through communication. And when you are dating though, and you're just getting to know somebody, you don't have that.
And so that's part of the reason why I say you have to shelve the talk about cuckolding in the beginning you have to create this actual relationship a real relationship like fucking normal relationship yes exactly you gotta do that first before you can start working through anything together and i don't know if it's just because like the fantasy is easy for men to think about and watching the porn is simple and it's easy and it doesn't require any work and then they just assume that real life is the same and it's not the same it's hard like you talked earlier about that drop that post angst drop and how significant that must be like for guys to go through and how they can kind of weaponize that if they don't understand where it came from yes that's exactly how to phrase it yeah sometimes like I feel like you know you you have to have that solid communication and solid relationship to be able to work through that together.
And if you don't have that, then you're just, things are going to get derailed and it doesn't work out. And lo and behold, it doesn't work out a lot of the times, like it just doesn't. No staying power for any of these relationships because they're just built on, I don't know, all the things you mentioned are all such amazing, great points. And I agree with all of them. An established couple already has the familiarity of a supposedly long-term or longish-term relationship with all the communication and knowledge of each other built in and security.
That's you have a sense of commitment and security within your relationship. So as you said, if the guy experiences a drop in his excitement and he's all down, he's not going to blame his partner for that. He's going to be like, oh baby, why do I feel this bad? Hold me. You can have a nice moment about it. It's like, I don't even get that shit. I'm like, I could help you if you guys would be able to understand how you're feeling and why you're feeling it. But I guess that's a pretty tall order.
Another thing I want to add that I think is important for cucks to know when they're going online to talk to women is that we are quite sensitive to reading the fantasy chat as you're only here to use me as a fetish dispenser and then leave you know what i mean so i would settle for personally venus i would settle for half fantasy half vanilla chat like even if even if the fantasy or the fetish chat was peppered in to like, so what kind of food do you like to eat? Even if it was just peppered in with vanilla questions, I don't think guys realize how huge even that would be.
We're starved for even just a little bit of getting to know you talk that feels sincere and it has to feel sincere it can't be like a one-off you know oh what are your hobbies and then oh I can't wait to I can't wait to get his cum in my mouth or like you know like just like it's so obvious when it's not sincere as well, I'll say. So it's just like, the fantasy chat is fun. We all like it. I do think it can be an important part of building a relationship, but it simply can't be the only thing.
Because we don't know, women on the other side of the computer, we simply don't know if they are some creep on the internet trying to get their rocks off so that they can log off and go to bed and never talk to you again. And it's so draining. It costs us. Yeah, it makes us want to quit. Exactly. Over and over again. Exactly. That fear of abandonment in the relationship building process, I think, is front and center in our minds as women because we have had guys flake out so much, so often. I cannot even count how many times I have been flaked on, ghosted like that.
Like, and, and I don't think guys realize that they, as a group, as a whole, are all behaving in this way. No, they don't talk to each other. No, they don't. They're instant. Men are like, especially cuckold men are so deep. This is a kink that's built on shame, right? You've talked to Dr. David Lay.
We know some of the psychology behind how cuckolding develops and what the core the core thing for me at cuckolding is humiliation and shame so all these guys who like maybe if they grew up in a conservative society or had religion unfortunately like they are just like in their little shame bubble being like do other people feel this way like i've had've had cuckold guys message me and say, oh, I've never, I've literally never talked to anybody about this before ever. And I'm like, what? No, no one? Just, just simply no one. No, I mean, okay.
Obviously we don't talk to our families about this shit, but like not one guy friend, not one ex-girlfriend or ex-partner, nobody. And I am so surprised how they are insular in the community. I'm like, you guys are a huge group of people who all have something in common who would probably enjoy talking about the lifestyle together. And yet they don't talk to each other.
No, but there are cuckold chats and forums online and it is just a big porn session oh there you go there you go so yeah because I was like oh wow there's like a cuckold chat forum oh my god this is so cool and I logged on and I was like there is no chatting going on there is a whole lot jerking off going going on. Oh God. Okay. Nevermind. They're not even going to try. But yeah, it would be beneficial if they understood that they're all behaving, nearly all behaving in the same way. And that we do have this fear of abandonment when in the dating process, a legitimate fear of abandonment.
Like, and that's what you were saying. Like, we just need to know that despite this fantasy talk, that you are still going to be there, you know, in this process of building a relationship and that you're not just going to fuck off.
And, um, unfortunately the single women can, you know, they, they can come across as like almost insecure and needy about it but no it's just that we actually need some solid fucking reassurance because we have been treated like that repeatedly and so uh until proven otherwise otherwise i'm going to assume that you are going to fuck off on me basically i mean how how else are we supposed to operate like only crazy, whatever. It's, I'm going to assume that you are going to fuck off on me. Basically. I mean, how else are we supposed to operate? Like only crazy, whatever.
It's, I think what's really important also to recognize about how these things implode sometimes is that you mentioned we seem needier and secure by asking for assurances and they're looking for a dominant woman. They're looking for this strong, sexy slut who's just like, you know, knocking everyone's socks off, turning heads, you know, rules, like rules the home, rules at her job, rules at raising kids, does everything great. Like this beautiful, strong, powerful, dominant goddess. And they are shocked to learn that we have fears and insecurities.
And God forbid we seem vulnerable in front of them. That's one of my biggest concerns. It doesn't fit the porn script and fantasy in their head. It does not. It does not. And it's so disappointing to realize that do these men not understand that I'm a human being? Like, how am I, how do I not exist with fears and insecurities? Like, no human exists without fears or insecurities. It's just not how this works. So there's either a lack of understanding of that, which is like sad in its own right, or disappointing in its own right. Like, no, no offense.
Like, these guys didn't choose to be this way. This is the world they were given. This is the culture they were given. This is the machismo that they were given. This is how you identify as a man. It's basically to not understand your emotions. And that's a vast oversimplification of how it works. But a trait of toxic masculine identity is divorcing yourself from your own emotional experience. It's the lack of introspection. It's the lack of deep connection with the whole range of emotions that you can feel because certain emotions have been coded as feminine.
Little boys aren't allowed to be sad. They're not allowed to play with dolls. Anything coded as feminine was just seen as so bad that no wonder we have population-wide levels of men who don't know what it's like to feel their feelings. So how can they see us as full human beings if they're not experiencing it themselves. And on top of it, they were taught or have absorbed subliminally or through all the messaging that says that women are less than men. This is the inherent history we come from.
The mantle we were passed on is this curse, the curse that says not all human beings are created equal. And we are left to deal with it. And it crops up in every part of society and every part of our lives. And this is how it comes up in cuckolding. It's just beyond me to understand how to even begin to explain, I need to be able to be vulnerable and express my fears to you. And you still need to see me as the strong female goddess that I am as well. That my vulnerability is part of what makes me a goddess. And I think there's a lot of disconnect there. What we're asking for is not a lot.
I mean, this is basic relationship stuff as it is, I think. Being vulnerable with each other. And this, again, goes back to this privilege that couples have in that they already have established that kind of vulnerability with each other, more than likely anyway. And so, but yeah, in the dating world, these are not obvious steps that need to happen in order for connections in their mind. So we are enlightening you, fellas. Do what you will with this information. Talk to any other women and they will tell you something extremely similar.
Well, I really appreciate you bringing the perspective of the single woman in this lifestyle, because like I said, I feel like it was missing. So I'm hugely appreciative of that. Thank you so much, Ella, for joining me on the show today. And I hope to have you back on the show sometime. Oh, absolutely. Anytime you want to talk about this stuff, I'm game. Thank you so much. This conversation was great. Okay, that's going to be it for today's episode of the Venus Cuckoldriss podcast. I hope you enjoyed it.
If you'd like to learn more about the Venus Connections matchmaking service, you can visit venusconnections.com. Don't forget to go to venuscuckoldriss.com. That's where you can subscribe to the podcast, submit a question for the show, and even see the Venus Vault. Now, every Tuesday on fullswapradio.com, you can find the Venus Cuckoldress Podcast at 5 p.m. and 11 p.m. Central Time. And check out ASN Lifestyle Magazine for my monthly contribution. My Twitter handle is at Cuckoldris V. Thank you so much for joining me. We'll see you next time.
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