It s the topic Venus has been waiting to cover and who better to cover it than the author of Surrender, Submit, and Serve Her - Key Barrett M.Sc? This book is SO GOOD and it s now available on audiobook! About the book:What is Female Leadership? It s accepting that She knows best in all matters. From the finances to the household to how things get done. It s trusting in her judgement to run things. This doesn t make the man weak, just the opposite, because men are the best at getting things done. A Female Dominant Household plays to both side s strengths and minimizes weaknesses, leading to female empowerment, greater satisfaction in the relationship, trust, bonding, and yes, mind-blowing sex.Surrender, Submit, Serve Her seeks to help implement your female-led household through tools like the Command and Conquer meeting (commanding and conquering tasks and roadblocks, not people), laying out the contract of servitude (clearly defining her dominion and removing unnecessary confusion), and crafting your own pledge that personalizes and empowers the act of his submission.Proud to announce that Surrender, Submit, Serve Her has been nominated for the BDSM Writers Con 2017 Golden Flogger Awards for BEST BDSM Book of the Year in the Non-fiction category.Venus Cuckoldress WebsiteVenus Connections - matchmaking for loving cuckolding relationshipsMaison De Neige CoutureASN Magazine - Venus feature: When the lifestyle turns terrifyingFull Swap Radio - listen to Venus every Tuesday at 5pm and 11pm Central TimeNew Merch! - yeah you read that right! Now you can get Venus/Cuckolding inspired merch!Submit a question for the showPillow Talks - find out how you can register for these live events with Venus and friends!Become a Patreon supporter - support the podcast and get lots of perks! Including the Venus Vault!Venus on TwitterVenus on InstagramVenus on YouTubeVenus on FacebookSupport the showDestination Links for Venus - https://linktr.ee/venuscuckoldressLearn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices❤️Venus Connections❤️ - Matchmaking for loving cuckolding relationships and female-led relationships. Learn more at https://www.venusconnections.com/ 👑♠️ Maison De Neige is high end lifestyle and streetwear fashion with a passion for the beauty of interracial combined with high fashion. Visit https://www.maisondeneige.com/ ❤️xoafterglow.com❤️ Meet the platform for ethical porn. Made by women, for women (and everyone). We make and share videos that portray sex accurately and treat performers with dignity, because nothing is sexier than consent. Use code VENUS for a free 7 day trial at ➡️ https://afterglow.ubpages.com/venus/Support the showDestination Links for Venus - https://lnk.bio/VenusPodcast
Transcript
Hey, are you looking for a hot wife? Maybe you're looking for a cuckold relationship. Then you need to join Venus Connections matchmaking service. It's totally private, it's fun blind dates, and all members are vetted. And it works. There was even a wedding last year and there'll be another one next year. It's definitely hard to find your life partner. I know. And it's even harder to find this kind of relationship. But you'll never win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket, right? So join VenusConnections.com. That's VenusConnections.com. And find the relationship of your dreams.
Coming up on the Venus Cuckoldress podcast. It's not just what you do for her, it's how you do it. And that was one of the biggest, biggest takeaways. Emotionally, for a lot of these guys, knowing what's expected of them and how to deliver is very emotionally validating. It's healing and it gives them a place of safety themselves. You just don't see it. You just don't see how wonderful it is to have a husband who doesn't unintentionally gaslight you.
And a feeling that like you can go take on the world because when you come home, you don't have take on home right right yeah this is your battery recharging station this is this is your partner and this is you know we say that term partner but you know until you this was also one of those things that happened with the chastity book until you really have something that focuses you know centers you away from yourself in a way that you don't consciously think about. And it just happens. Until that happens, you don't know. With female leadership, with the accepted roles in place, that goes away.
Filtering goes away. You are empowered. You're not only allowed to say what you really mean, you're empowered to. She gets to say what she wants and describe what she's talking about with no fear of punishment. And he gets clear instructions and feels empowered because he gets to deliver. The second? Are you kidding me? I'm fucking strap-on.
i can't believe it the number two most common or popular sex toy in america is a strap-on i was like oh my god you are now listening to the venus cuckolders podcast a place to learn all things cuckolding for the curious, the passionate, and the sexually empowered woman who wants it all. Go to venuscuckoldress.com to subscribe to the podcast, ask a question for the show, and find the elusive Venus Vault, a sneak peek behind the bedroom door. Now sit back, make yourself comfortable, and let's dive right into this episode of the Venus Cuckoldress podcast. I'm your host Venus.
Thank you so much for joining me for this episode. I'm really excited for this. I have a special guest joining me today and we're going to talk about this incredible book that he has written. It's my friend Key Baird who's going to be on the show today and he has written the book Surrender, Submit, and Serve Her. This is FLR. We're going to talk about female leadership and we're going to talk about in the context of a relationship and not so much in a sexual kind of kink way, but more as like the focus of the relationship being her.
This is something I have not talked about yet on this podcast about cuckolding. And of course, there's a lot of themes within cuckolding that revolve around her being put on a pedestal. And so this is what we're going to explore today. It is going to be fucking fascinating. So let me just tell you, you're in for a good one today. Before I get into it, though, there's a couple events I really need to let you know about because I think that you would love to attend them. The first being Friday, April 8th is going to be a special Pillow Talk event. It's a live cast event.
And I will be on screen with three gentlemen, the same ones who joined me for Cock Week. This is going to be a sequel. And that's going to be a lot of fun. The second one is going to be Tuesday, April 12. And this is going to be a live chat on the Moan app with my friend Joe, who was on the last episode. And he talked about his story about being blackmailed. So we're going to chat a little bit more about that. So that's going to be April 12th, and that'll start at 5 p.m. Pacific time. So that's 8 p.m. Eastern on the Moan app. It's only available for iPhone so far.
It will be available for Android at some point in the near future. But if you want to register for the Pillow Talk event, you can just go to venuscuckoldress.com and click on the tab that says Pillow Talk. Now, let's jump in. Here it is, Female-Led Relationships with Key Barrett. Joining me on the show today is my friend Key Barrett. He is a really amazing author, and he's been on the show actually before. Let me tell you a little bit about him. Key Barrett is the pseudonym of a published author. What is not a pseudonym is the MSC. He's got his Master's of Science in Anthropology.
He studied sexual subcultures across to Europe and North America before turning his attention to female-led relationships and specifically what makes the good ones so strong. He writes both non-fiction and fiction with a female leadership bent. All works are judgment-free and always between consenting adults. Welcome to the show again, Key. Happy to be back.
I think this is actually my third time if i'm not right is it third time yeah i think so well i feel like i could have you on every show we could just talk about something new every single time sport of god i know we were just chatting before this and i feel like we went through 20 minutes of great material. I know. I'm like, I just have to press record because this is so, I just really enjoy talking with you. Okay. Locked in Love has been such a fucking amazing book for me and for so many other people. And just to give the listeners a little idea, what it's about in a nutshell.
so he wanted to do a two-week experiment in chastity just to see what it was like because you know he writes about this kind of thing he wants to know what it's like and wrote about it because it was a profound experience and just it's such a beautiful book it's so simple in the way that it's written and it has your experience and your wife's experience as well, which I love. And so that when you came onto the show to talk about that book, I had a lot of people just were like, wow, I've never actually thought about chastity like that before. I had no idea.
I think what people took away from it the most based on the feedback that I got was that there was so much benefit for the relationship. They had no idea. They just thought it was some BDSM thing, like some kink fetish BDSM thing. They had no idea. They're like, what? So thank you so much for coming onto the show and talking about that book. Like that was fucking amazing. Locked in Love. It's on Amazon, everybody. You have to go and get it. Honestly, you have to. It should be like mandatory reading for all couples out there. Just saying.
Another mandatory reading book, but now it's on audiobook and I'm so excited for that. This book is called Surrender, Submit, Serve Her. This is a wonderful starting point for anyone who wants to incorporate any kind of female leadership in their relationships so I'm so thrilled that this is on audiobook because I'm a huge fan of audiobook like I can just you know do other stuff and have someone read me the book like, fuck, yes, yes, like a multitask. This is good. I just I really like that format. And I'm so happy that we're seeing more and more books coming out on audiobooks.
So I will be thrilled the day that Locked in Love comes out on audiobooks. Well, me too. And I'd like to thank Tantor Media. They're the ones who took the risk because, you know, creating an audiobook is not easy and it's not something that anybody can do. So they took the risk and they reached out to me to do it. And I was super excited about it because I work with people in the accessibility community. And one of the things that audiobooks have been so great for, I mean, everybody loves it, right? Listening in the car, something like that.
But it's been very, very good for persons with disabilities. It really, like specifically blindness and vision issues. It's really great for them to be able to approach books in a far more consumable format than, you know, Braille or, other standard ones, right? This is just play and go. And so I'm super excited about that and really happy to have it done. Wendy King did the reading. She's fantastic. She's got a wonderful, sultry, commanding voice, which is, I think, pretty perfect for the subject matter. And, and, uh, yeah, it's just fantastic.
I'm, I'm super excited to have it out there and super excited to reach an entirely new audience of people who may just be wondering what is an FLR or how do I tell my wife I want her to achieve more of her dreams or how do we, you know, how do we go about this together so yeah so FLR is something that I have not talked about on this podcast at all and it's been two years that I've had this podcast it's but it's a cuckolding only podcast but I have not however I have brought up themes around it mm-hmm many times And so this is kind of just like all putting it all together.
So FLR, it's funny, though, because FLR, female-led relationship is what that stands for. FLR, it means a lot of different things to different people.
And I have, there's a lot of people who don't quite quite understand what it is but they think they have this idea that it is some sort of kinky femdom uh i don't know like porn script kind of thing like that's where their mind goes like oh like that's exactly what they think i'm like oh okay that must be something to do with that and what I love about this book is that's not what it's all about at all so so you wrote this book for couples right yep so this isn't just for like men who want to convince their wife to start a relationship like this right no the the framework of it is sort of mostly pointed towards men just because you need a kind of a convention of how you're going to write the book.
But it, I state very clearly at the beginning that you should read this together. It works best when you read it together. And that if you're serious about this, she should feel free to stop you at any time and say, this is what I've been trying to say, or this does not work for me. The lessons that I learned from interviewing real couples who did this with their lives is that there are a lot of commonalities, and that's what we extracted from there, but every relationship is different. So this is a toolbox, not an end-all be-all, right? You should take what works and discard what doesn't.
And so basically, like you mentioned, there's FLR and there's FemDom, right? And you can have FemDom in an FLR and you can have a FLR without FemDom. You can have FemDom in a perfectly, you know, in a male dominated relationship. I mean, that's the quintessential CEO who goes Thank you. FLR. You can have a FLR without femdom. You can have femdom in a perfectly, you know, in a male dominated relationship. I mean, that's the quintessential CEO who goes to the dominatrix, right? Yes. You know, femdom is a sexual aspect of your life.
The key, you know, I usually say the key word in female-led relationship is relationship. But of course, actually all three are just as important, you know, female-led relationship. But it's about your structure at home, how you two work together, how you define who's in charge and what that means, and the benefits that come for the submissive mate as much, if not more, than for her.
But in the end, because we remove the sexual part and just talk about that at the end, because there are some fun things about that, we establish right off in the beginning that this isn't something that's going to wind up making more work for her, right? Because if you bring up female-led relationship to a woman who's never heard of it, like you were saying, her mind goes immediately to the bedroom. Okay, what do I have to do now? Yeah, it's another job I have to do. Exactly. And this is the exact opposite, right?
I mean, sure, we'll go into a lot of details, but this is about less work for her and more targeted work for her for what her leadership actually know, her leadership actually demands, right? You don't, you don't have a general drive for the car, right? You know, the general doesn't drive the Jeep, right? That's wasted work for them. So you have that and you have, it's not just what you do for her, it's how you do it. And that was one of the biggest, biggest takeaways.
And I'm just going to show, show they can't see this here but i'm just going to show you some of the little cards i keep around here that my wife my life sees and knows about um and you know we'll go into them but just the constant reminders for me right i love that i love that and yeah because we will talk about that in your book but you do there is this this kind of like conditioning that you need to do, like repeating things over and over again, which is wonderful.
So in your book, in the very beginning, you talk about like 10 to 15% of the population are into the idea of this or wanting this, right? Right. And you're going to make me call up, I'm going to have to pull this up to go find the appendix from where these numbers come from. But yes, 10 to 15% of couples would consider this or would have, um, a degree of an FLR involved. Right.
But so in the grand scheme of things, most people aren't going to gravitate towards an FLR and partially that's could be a situation where she wants it and he doesn't, or I think a lot more common probably is he wants it and she doesn't. Um, but having said, 10 to 15% of the couples in the world is, you know, probably close to a billion or, you know, half a billion people. So, yeah. Interracial, black and white, the beautiful and sexy relationship dynamic that we love. Now in a lifestyle clothing brand you can wear with pride. Don't forget to subscribe to our channel.
Interracial, black and white, the beautiful and sexy relationship dynamic that we love, now in a lifestyle clothing brand you can wear with pride. Don't sacrifice quality and comfort any longer. With Maison Dinesh, you get both, in fresh, empowering looks for every occasion, for everyone. From the streets to the sheets and everywhere in between. Check us out at MaisonDinesh.com. Maison Dinesh Couture, modern fashion for the modern revolution.
But you did say out of those people who are attracted to this, it's equal between men and women more or less yes and and that's just because if they've if they're attracted to this, uh, it's equal between men and women more or less. Yes. And that's just because if they've, if they're attracted to this, to the point that they would put themselves in that 10 to 15% group, they've already researched it and, um, looked into it. And part of, part of what, when you understand what a female led relationship is, it is no longer a threatening thing to women to at least discuss the idea, right? Yes.
It doesn't mean you don't want it, but it's not a threatening idea to talk about it, right? Yeah. So that's why it's pretty much equal across that. And then as we're seeing, you know, the Internet has in the past 20 years changed a lot of things about the way the world works. And not, definitely not all of these are for the good, but there have been a lot of just, you just get general exposure to people that you would not normally get exposure to. And, you know, women who, who lead the relationship are empowered to feel confident to talk about that.
And so, you know, you and I share many friends on Twitter who, you know, lead female led relationships and are very vocal about it, as they should be. And they want it. They want they want more than I do to convert every woman they meet to this idea, because them, they believe in it and their mind is just, if you don't see, you just don't see it. You just don't see how wonderful it is to have a husband who doesn't unintentionally gaslight you and a feeling that you can go take on the world because when you come home, you don't have to take on home, right? Right.
You know, this is your battery recharging station. This is your partner. And this is, you know, we say that term partner. But, you know, until you – this was also one of those things that happened with the chastity book. Until you really have something that focuses, you know, centers you away from yourself in a way that you don't consciously think about. And it just happens until that happens. You don't know what you're missing. Right. Yeah. So it's very true. You don't know. You don't know enough to know what you don't know.
it's true so okay so female-led relationships the book, you talk about female leadership. And I love that because that is, is really what it is. It's leadership. It's her leading her, not just herself, but the relationship. So, but you were in the very beginning of the book, you talked about what the barriers are for women traditionally to not think in that way. And you talked about Disney movies. I was like, oh, my God, you're right. I will never look at Disney movies ever the same again. I was like, oh, my God, there goes my childhood.
like I no wonder no fucking wonder I grew up not no not even like questioning the the messaging I got from society about all of this about women not having not supposed to have the sexual or the authority in a relationship so oh my god please explain what you talked about with the disney movies sure sure um first i would like to say uh you know since who knows big mouse might be listening uh they've gotten a lot better in the last 20 years a lot better you you can look at the movies that they put out like moana and things like this and this is suddenly you know the main character is a girl but it's not about you know her conforming to the ideas of of womanhood or girlhood but let's let's rewind it back because there's some really obvious ones here um sleeping beauty she is you know Aurora, right?
I think is her name. She's nice. She's blonde. She's pretty. She is, you know, Aurora, right? I think is her name. She's nice. She's blonde. She's pretty. She talks to birds. How nice. She's cursed. And so the parents just like completely hide her away from the world and from everything.
and like she meets a boy who who happens to look like uh i think the first time he shows up he looks like julie andrews playing peter pan right like he is he is not really particularly uh very um sexual but he's she's so overwhelmed by this that like the the fear of her sexuality is so scary that she literally touches the prick right that's what could the curse. Not the needle. They could have called it the needle, right? No, she touches the prick.
And so insulting is her desire for sexuality that not only does she fall asleep, but they put the entire kingdom to sleep, right it's like they can't know her shame and then uh so and then the woman malevolent maleficent is is the epitome of eel evil and let me just tell you she's she's hot as fuck i mean drag queens would not dress like her and for the last 50 60 years if she wasn't pulling it off right yeah And and of course, this is just a pretty common theme with all these Disney movies where the bad woman is is usually very common, endearing, powerful, yet, you know, usually has broad shoulders, long fingernails, very wide hips to indicate that she is a woman um usually appears out of something very yonic shaped and and just wants to you know just wants to destroy men and destroy you know everything in front of them because the ideal of female the idea of female power in disney movies for most of their history is that female power corrupts i mean she turns a beautiful forest into this withered nasty gray uh um you know thorn bramble she she turns the perfect castle into this old swampy mess you know it's and it's her you know sexual power that that they're really sort of you know semiotically they're not saying it you know completely uh obviously they're using semiotic symbols but as a kid you see this and you think petite don't argue blonde perfect all your problems will be solved for you even your mistakes the young prince will come and kiss you and it'll be this lovely chaste kiss.
And women with sexuality are evil and they turn into dragons eventually, you know? I mean, for me, the last one that they did that was so obvious was Ariel, right? Oh, yes. She's interested in the surface world because that's where boys are. There's not a single like interesting mermaid boy in any of that story at all. Right. And she has in order to go up there, she has to get legs. Well, what come with human legs if you're a mermaid? Right. So she has to get legs to get the boy. And in order to do this, her trade-off is she has to lose her voice.
So we're telling kids, oh, become the sex object, but then nobody will ever listen to a thing you say. And of course, the evil octopus that Ursula appears literally out of a vagina when she first shows up. I mean, yes, it's a conch shell, but it's got a fucking clitoris at the top of it. And what does she do? What does she do? She takes King Triton, right, and turns him into a tiny shriveled penis at the bottom of the ocean with a hundred other sad, pathetic, tiny little penises. Right. So, I mean, this is just the messages that they're, they're sending out.
And so, you know, we're, we're sending these messages out to seven year old girls. Yeah. And then it's not just once it's seven, eight, nine, 10, watch them again, watch them over and over again. Thank goodness.
They they're not they're not there anymore i think brave was probably the real turning point for that with disney figuring out like hey you know maybe we should be a little bit more you know less blatantly sexist in everything that we do but yeah different time and all that but you know it's not like Disney movies have gone away like people are still watching the jungle book you know yeah yeah I'm telling you I'm never gonna look at Disney movies the same ever again I'm gonna like hyper scrutinize the plots now and everything like every like all the hidden messages and everything I'll just be like looking for it I thought it was fascinating because you know it's true i hadn't really thought about the messages that that girls get and and why female-led relationships aren't more i guess palatable for women is because we have had this messaging since day one um yeah really interesting stuff.
So, that you uh you talked to okay we were was here you said there was some sort of study about men who watch femnom what the hell was this because this is the first time i've heard about this okay wait so you're talking about okay there are benefits for men or who who do watch femdom and are you talking about femdom porn because you just said videos okay femdom porn so somebody some fucking amazing person decided to study this okay what does femdom porn do to guys like do it does it change the way they think does it change the way they view women afterwards fascinating shit that's why i love the science behind all of this so tell me about this study what was this all about so i believe this study was out of australia and again that's another one that's in the footnotes so um So they wanted to see what men's perspectives about women and specifically how they viewed women as equals would change if they were shown femdom porn, just to see.
I think the purpose of the study was to try and determine if pornography has positive or negative effects or both, right? And so the requirement was these men could have never seen it, femdom porn before. So I don't know, maybe they went to Burkina Faso and found guys who had never, never seen the internet before. But they found these men and they did the study and they found that, I'm forgetting the numbers here, but a huge, like a majority of them, you know, they took tests before that were meant to score their, their views on egalitarianism and women in roles.
And, you know, these tests are really good. You don't know, unless you're super smart, you can't figure out what they're really asking you. Um, and then afterwards they found that the majority of them viewed women more equally after watching femdom porn. Draw your own conclusions from that. I mean, correlation is not causation, but it's kind of obvious that if you see a woman in an authority role in something that most men consider, especially men that that haven't seen femdom porn consider to be the purview of, you know, masculinity, right?
That seeing a woman in charge in that situation and enjoying herself will probably make you feel at least a little sub, especially if you enjoy it, um, a little more inclined to believe in egalitarian concepts, right? Like, Oh, you know, this is, this is, you know, the thing I could draw the line to is like, why did, why did homosexuality and gay marriage go from routinely being in the twenties and the thirties percentage wise to just like almost practically overnight switch to like 70% of the country, 80% of the country thought gay marriage should happen.
And the answer is, you know, the internet had a lot to do with that. Television had a lot to do that when people were exposed to real life, gay couples and people, uh, you know, you, when you were around somebody and you're drinking with somebody or you're, you, you find somebody on a show that makes you laugh and whatnot, you're more inclined to, to understand them. Right. And, and believe that they, uh, you know, they, they don't pose a threat. They're not the monsters coming for your kids and all that kind of nonsense.
And I think, I think, um, that same thing applies to when you see, if you've never seen femdom porn and you see it, you would, you would naturally, this is not scary. This is not terrifying. It's kind of, kind of interesting. And more to the point, I don't feel guilty about looking at it because she really looks like she's enjoying herself. Yes. I thought that was so fascinating. I was like, oh my God. So can you imagine if all the guys started watching Feminine Porn? I mean, like we would have a really wonderful place to live as women. It would be amazing.
that was so cool and I think it was like right after that that you popped in this comment about the number one and number two uh sex toys in America I was I was like shut the fuck up are you serious okay number one okay number one most popular sex toy is a vibrator yeah no no doubt but the second are you kidding me a fucking strap-on the number two most common or popular sex toy in america is a strap-on i was like oh my god and and you know this is this should be a little indicator like if you want to amazon is very good at hiding this shit this stuff is all available there but um you know usually it's like as a joke i bought um a maxillary strap on you know the one you put around your mouth.
Oh yeah. Yeah. Because I found it and they had it, they had it listed as a human jaw exercise device and they had it turned around. So you had to like zoom in to see like, you know, so it's like a ball gag with the penis on the inside, but you had to really look at it to see the penis.
i was like oh okay well i have to get this now but um but you know when you find strap-ons you'll find like every type that you want and amazon has them and the crazy thing about them is the same thing happened with the chassis devices and i think we talked about that when i ordered my first one off of amazon It arrived in two days, which tells you that it is not leaving some factory in China. It is somewhere in their logistics system already.
Probably, you know, if you live in Boston, it's probably in a warehouse in Springfield, Mass, you know, and it's just going to take them a while to get them to the warehouse near you.
And that means they're selling so manyastity devices that their automated systems are telling you hey boston goes through 15 chastity devices a day we better just have them on the shelves so it's the same thing with strap-ons um and of course the number one vibrator you probably know this one is um hitachi magic wand oh yes i've i've gone through a few of those yeah not the not the most well made honestly i'm just like this fucking thing broke again well in all in defense of them designing a machine whose whose sole purpose is to shake the shit out of itself.
It has a pretty low tolerance for long longevity, right? To be fair, yes, the Hitachi magic wand has a really strong vibration. So I remember the very first time I used it, I was like, whoa, this is a bit too much for me. And then after a while, I was like, no, actually, it's actually good. All right.
like whoa this is a bit too much for me and then after a while I was like no actually all right moving on I just wanted to bring up those two things because I thought that was so fucking amazing honestly I love that you put those in there because I'm like this just like helps to sort of build upon the theory that like that the women, when it comes to sexuality, when it comes to the way that men receive these messages about women enjoying being in a position of power, that women have a lot to contribute in this area.
Interracial, black and white, the beautiful and sexy relationship dynamic that we love now in a lifestyle clothing brand you can wear with pride don't sacrifice quality and comfort any longer with Maison Dinege you get both in fresh empowering looks for every occasion for everyone from the streets to the sheets and everywhere in between check us out at Maison Dinege.com Maison Dh Couture, modern fashion for the modern revolution. So you talked about, okay, like I said before, female leadership is how you word it. So what exactly is female leadership?
And you talk about it being natural, a natural born kind of thing that women have. So what do you mean by that? Well, so women are the, are men have to be a part to create life, right? But, but women are the creators, right? And part of what comes with that is your, your thresholds, your tolerance for pain are higher than men's. Um, you, you have, uh, without you, a child dies plain and simple, right? Um, an infant cannot survive.
I mean, now of course, because we have technology and science, but, but historically for 99.9% of human history without a mother, an infant just doesn't make it right. And there's the strength that comes from that, the resilience that comes from it. The fact that your bodies are designed to literally shut off your own needs in times of strife and famine to continue to feed another human being that is is strength, right? And that's an inborn strength. Whether you have children or not, whether you want children or not, that is an inborn strength in being a woman, plain and simple.
So that's the natural part of it. And then there's a natural part of female leadership that I think men in general crave as well, not all, but a lot do, that comes from the idea that you are also teachers.
The reason that there are more male professors than there are female professors has more to do with society's rules, right, and the patriarchy but uh the one position that was always available to women at least for the past 150 years ago was teacher and you're basically in charge i i have so much respect having kids of my own like i can barely i have two i can barely keep up with them, but you're telling me that whole societies were just like, I trust this woman to take care of 16 kids and not kill any of them.
And on top of that, teach them how to read and write and do math and everything else. Right. If we really didn't think women could be leaders, we wouldn't trust them with our children, right? Like literally trust them.
You know, now schools have all these kinds of protocols and safeties, but you don't have to go that far back in American history to where it was literally your kid walked three miles and went into a schoolhouse and was there with 15 kids of all ages from like five to 16 with one teacher, and it's almost always a woman, taking care of them, guiding them, leading them, making them into human beings. You know, that's part of the natural part of it.
And the third part of natural is that in order for you to just accept this as that your submission or your desire to be the aide-de-camp to your leader is natural, you must accept that her leadership is natural, right? This is de-kinkifying it. And again, I'm not here to shame kink, kink shame at all. But when we're talking about relationships, we want to couch these in terms of non-sexual in this way.
this way because the sex comes as we all know no matter what type of relationship you're in or if you're both happy with each other and you're both contented you're going to have the amount of sex you guys want right and great sex yes yes and so so this is the natural that's the third part of the natural part of it is it's not if if it's natural for her to be a leader it's natural for him to want to serve and that's that's so interesting okay so so female leadership in in terms of a relationship then what would be the benefits then for women or and men what would be the benefits like why do why why do people really want this um i'm going to start with the women's benefits because i think that's what needs to be heard the most because i think a lot of people have some assumptions about what the male benefits would be and largely they're right there's some ones where they're wrong but um for for women there's a few one women, women are taught from the get-go, and this goes back to Disney, that you should filter your responses, right?
Don't challenge, don't directly confront all these kinds of things. It's not worth it. So the example I give, I think it's even in the book, is you know it's going to rain today, and you see your partner walking out the door without the umbrella. You're trained to say, hey, do you think you should bring your umbrella? I think it might rain. Instead of take the umbrella, it's going to pour all day, right? Yeah.
Because you've been trained that the response you'll get nine times out of ten is, fuck you, I't need an umbrella, you know, or, or something like that, or fine, you know, like, who are you to tell me not to get wet? Yeah. Well, with, with female leadership, with the accepted roles in place, that goes away. Filtering goes away. You are empowered. You're not only allowed to say what you really mean, you're empowered to. And the flip side of that is men and submissive partners that are, you know, I don't want to just make this a dynamic of male and female, right?
Submissive partners get frustrated by unclear decisions. One of the things that almost all of the submissive partners said that they used to lament about and don't anymore is the idea that they would rather do a Herculean task with simple instructions than a simple task with Herculean instructions, right? I would rather build a rock wall. If you tell me the rock wall needs to be this high and it needs to be there. I know, okay, I'll go do that. I know how to do that, right? And I can do this and you'll be happy with the results.
Tell me you want me to, you know, pick a vacation when, I don't know where, I don't know. Okay. You've just created stress or filtering, you know, through that instead of telling me I want to go to Charleston and I want it to be in May. Right. You know, I think we should take a vacation. Do you think we should take a vacation? Where should we go? Do you, I don't want to go to the beach again. Okay. You know, just the, the, just tell me what you want syndrome. Well, that goes away in a female led relationship.
She gets to say what she wants and describe what she's talking about with no fear of punishment. And he gets clear instructions and feels empowered because he gets to deliver. Right. And that, and then, so that's like the first one there that, and I think I'm rambling here, but I mentioned before and I mentioned certainly in the book that there are things that every single relationship, female led or not, can take away from good working female led relationships. And that's that's the first one. Just, you know, create a space, your home, where filtering does not apply anymore. Right. Right.
And that's if it's not if you're not doing a female relationship, then there's a lot of male on training that has to happen to, you know, catch your your resistance to this. Yes. And there will be mistakes that, you know, there will be times you slip up. But that one is huge, it just takes away so much stress in a relationship for both parties, but I really think for women, it takes away more. Um, and then the other one. So when you think of a female led relationship, you think, Oh, he's going to start doing more tasks. Right. And that's definitely an easy, easy start to it. Yes.
Start doing more tasks. The thing that all of them had. And it was that it wasn't just that he did the task. It's that he did it her way. Right. And this one resonates, I think, a lot with women who are in female-led relationships who have subsequently read the book or talked to me. The Her Way concept really hit home, and it should. The idea that, let's say, I'm going to take a laundry. I'm going to do laundry, right? An onerous task that historically falls on women doesn't have to, right? No. There's a lot of men that do laundry.
If I just do it and don't do it the way she did it, she's going to either redo it or, or be stressed out about the fact that I did it. So I have only added more work to my life and complicated hers. Right. But if I do it her way, if I fold it her way, if I put it away her way, if I, uh, um, you know, run the dryer the way she does two, two sheets and three balls, you know, three dryer balls. I'll see you do it. It's that she doesn't have to think about it anymore. That is a weight lifted off the shoulders.
And there's an added little bonus that comes from that was that if you are a partner who says you want to do something for your partner and then asks her, show me how, right? You're showing respect, real respect. You're saying, you know something I don't know, and it's worth knowing, right? Well, okay. I hope all the listeners are taking notes right now because that's a big one right there. That really is. That is like some amazing advice right there. Show me how. Yep. Highlight, bold that one. Yeah. Show me how. I love that. That's so great. I swear to God, women would be just be like, wow.
right like wow i love the fact that you talked about how men are so tasked focused and that this kind of relationship helps them with that because they know exactly what to do they don't have to wonder what she means by that is so it it is it's so true i mean guys just want to know what to do the way you want it to do they don't want to fuck with all of the well I don't know is that what she really wants I don't really know you know that kind of thing so with female-led relationships I have a lot of guys who think that this is going to be just a woman's way of getting them to do all the housework so that they can just put their feet up and be lazy and whatever.
They have this in their mind that it is all task-based and that it is something that could be abused or taken advantage of or whatever, right? Yeah. And so how do men not be afraid of that well read the book yeah so so for some relationships and you know female-led relationships go from mild to wild to use you know rhyming and alliteration people like that and I know some couples that is literally, she comes home and puts her feet up and he does everything else. And he would not want this any other way, right? This was his reason d'etre, right? She, he exists for her.
Um, but it's not just task-based tasks. I use tasks as an example because they're easy. They're understandable and they relate to every relationship. But, to every relationship. But if you're the leader of a relationship, you get to define what that means together. Does that mean she runs the finances? Does that mean she tells you to run the finances and sets a goal for you, for the family? Right. Any kind of relationship, no matter what it says it is, there's always an opportunity for exploitation. That's just how life is, right? So you're aware of that possibility.
But in the book, we stress a few things to help with that. One is that she needs to be aware of the possibility of succumbing to the desire to take this even further. Right. It's like a almost a relationship version of Dom frenzy, you know, like, right. Well, I got to do that. OK. I've been wanting him to repair the fireplace and do this and this and this forever. So he's going to do it until, you know you know, or, or no TV, but it's not, it's not actually, it's, it's not, I mean, unless you want it to be, it's not a punishment based thing. You were both agreeing to this.
And, and one of the ways that they kept themselves centered, the, one of the ways that they, a lot of these couples kept themselves in line was with the pledge, right.
Which was, which was the meeting, which was that whether whether it was weekly or or whenever they would have a meeting to you know just just on the calendar because we all want to talk to our partners and we find it very difficult to do so very difficult to find the time but if you put it down on a calendar it is much more likely to happen yeah and then you go over where everything is this is a free space for you to talk about hey I really don't like it when you're telling me this or you know hey you didn't do this thing and I wanted I didn't make it clear how important that was to me you know things like that and then the pledge is just a way for both of them to reiterate why they're in it and the roles that they have and you know the pledge is i think i put a few standard ones in there but the pledge is unique to each and if if the audience doesn't know what that is that's basically the submissive partner either at the beginning or the end of the meeting or if if if she wants to hear it you know repeating their pledge of of devotion whatever they decided to her.
And the first time you do it, you're going to giggle the whole way through. Right. But you just, both of you, but you just have to keep saying it until the giggles stop. And then, you know, it becomes a real thing. And, you know, in the beginning, she has the right to just ask you to say it at any time. And trust me, that was never a problem for any of the submissive partners. You know, for them, it was quite titillating to have their wife just say, hey, come over here. Neil, say the pledge. I'm over here.
So, okay, so guys get really hung up on this word submissive, especially these who feel like no i'm not submissive i'm an alpha guy i'm not weak i'm not pathetic i'm respected and whatever like i'm not a doormat blah i'm not submissive they get really worked up over this submissive label and i get that i totally i under i totally understand that i do but does a I have to this submissive label. And I get that. I totally, I under, I totally understand that I do. But does a guy have to be submissive to be in a female led relationship?
No, you made a, you said the key word, the doormat one, we repeat this over and over. Submissives are not doormats. The idea of being submissive is actually a place of emotional strength. You are choosing to be vulnerable. And in order to choose to be vulnerable, you have to be a strong person, right? Emotionally, you have to be strong to say, I could take this failing, right? I can take this. That is a position of strength. And you're submissive. The only submissiveness is that you're submissive to her. Right.
And whatever whatever levels you guys have agreed to, which could be anything from, you know, she makes executive decisions and everything else is egalitarian to, you know, I work from home and I make sure that when she comes home, everything is taken care is taken care of right you know these there's it runs the whole length of that many many of these guys were as alpha as they come right yeah alpha men doing construction jobs or or a lot of them were ex-military right yes yes and and not just like i've served for two years but like you know in there for for a while um people that you would meet on the street and just be like oh okay that that's that there's a dude you know yeah and so they they have this submissive strength though they're they're no they're not submissive to everybody who walks down the street they're certainly not going to be be submissive to anybody who tried to usurp their leader's role, right?
They serve her. And in that, there is a lot of strength for them. Emotionally, for a lot of these guys, knowing what's expected of them and how to deliver is very emotionally validating. It's healing, and it gives them a place of safety themselves. Right. Because I have this relationship. I love this relationship. I love this woman and I know where I stand. Right. And what I need to do those, that's all, you know, I think that's all most anybody would ask for. Where do I stand? How do I do it?
And, you you know i can do this right well not just that i mean she it is about really witnessing how much she appreciates that and how that really encourages her own growth and the growth of the relationship right it's so funny because like I have first of all I got introduced to cuckolding well first and well before that I got introduced to nominogmy and I was just like whoa mind blown Dan Savage what have you done to me and I'm serious I was like what the fuck this sounds amazing um and then I got introduced to cuckolding and then I was like whoa, this this is fucking, this is amazing.
And then the whole it being one sided part, I was a little puzzled by it. I was like, at first, what do you mean? You don't want to sleep with other women?
I, I've never come across that because I don't all I'd known was swingers where it has to be this very like level of quality of, you can do that but only during this time and only with that person and then but i can do that and only during this time and with that person and it's like this constant like we have to make sure that we're both good like at the same level all the time and so i met this guy who was like no no no i want you to be able to have all of that and i don't want that in fact make me wait for sex that's what he said make me wait and I was like what what I don't understand that but it sounds interesting okay I'll learn about it and it took me a while to figure it out but it was that kind of one-sidedness that had my mind just so curious to learn about what this was all about and so that was really like the moment where I was like okay there is something about this that is very much about her and and so that's kind of where it started but over the years of well for a long time it was just about sharing my story and then it was about learning about like cuckolding around the world and with other couples and stuff like that.
And then I started to realize how it really is so much about her and how a loving cuckolding relationship really does encourage her to feel sexually empowered. And that empowerment is something really men who witness it are in just a state of awe. They are like, wow, especially if this the woman that they love and adore and cherish and they see her like embrace that. That's what I kind of was like, all right, there is some sort of female led aspect aspect to this loving cuckolding relationships that's not just about a sexual act.
This is really about really putting her first in the relationship. And then I know that sounds very one-sided, not to you, but like to a lot of people, it sounds very one-sided and like a one-way street. but really, when we talked about the benefits to both the men and the women, it is very much a two-way street. Okay, so in this book, you talk about what men need to do to be able to be successful with this, and a lot of that has to do with being very self-reflective and thinking inwards and really kind of assessing your own thoughts and behaviors. Do men really possess those skills?
If a man is seriously interested in an FLR, has gone to the trouble to get a book that is, I'm not just saying me, there are others out there who have written good books. And I'm kind of blanking on her name. I'll get it. Um, Rika uniquely Rika is a good one as well. Um, and there are others, but if he's gone to the trouble of buying a legitimate book about FLR and he's gone to the trouble to read the part about self-evaluation, then he's capable of it. Yeah. Right. And there's, there's self-evaluation and self-reflection is not, everybody is capable of that.
Some people have to work really hard to get there. But if you're invested in this, if you want this, you have to know for yourself why you want it.
Because if you don't know why you want it, it's not going to be the thing you want right it's going to look like it it might work for a little while because it's hitting enough of the you know the the corners and the edges painting enough of the edges to to make a picture but it's not the it's not the picture you want right because if you can't envision it you can't get it right and so part of what makes an flR so good and what applies also to any kind of relationship is that it's it moves from me to we. Right.
And this is a this is a particularly difficult thing for men, I think, more so than for women.
the idea of we as a real thing right not just something you say and then go do what you want to do yeah yeah um so than for women the idea of we as a real thing right not just something you say and then go do what you want to do yeah yeah um and by the way you still have you know it's not like you don't get to do what you want to do it's not like flr suddenly means you're never going out for you know to watch the bills game with the buddies and spend all sunday drinking and you know breaking tables with your back, you know, like a, like a good Bill's fan would.
Um, but, but, you know, when you go there, the difference is, you know, you know, it's okay because you've, you've gotten everything else in this relationship. You're, you're, you know, what was expected of you this week and you did it. You didn't ever have to be with your wife. Like it was a chore because you are emotionally invested in her. She is not just the person you live with. She is your best friend. She is, you know, the person that you look up to. She is the person that you talk to when things aren't right in you for whatever reason that day.
Uh, she's the person you talk to when you just want to talk right and and so you're not just like oh you know i we we spent money together that i put my time in right you know i just could do my thing no because if you if you're really looking for an flr you're looking for an flr with this person and if you're looking for an flr with this person you're if you're looking for an FLR with this person, you're invested in that person.
And, you know, you mentioned with Cuckolding, how that moment clicked when, you know, you realized you got to do what was for you and that that's what he really wanted and how empowering that is, right? Because that's, that's the ultimate permission for you to do this, right? Is like, Oh, I'm doing this now. And he loves it. Right? Exactly. Yes. And the flip side of that is he has just had his vulnerability, his trust and his belief in you rewarded. Right.
You believe in his love and, and support so much so that you are willing to take this risk because I think, you know, Keaton's an anklets, you're, you're talking with Michael a lot and he talks about how many times he talks about this a lot with me. And I think with you and on the show, how many times does it wind up that she gets talked into doing this cuckolding thing and she does it and then he punishes her for it? Right. Yes. Yes. That's that's the risk with that. That's the risk with an FLR, too. And and when you do it and you're rewarded for it. Right. He doesn't punish you for it.
The two of you have just made this connection that people dream of getting in a relationship and want. And mostly, I think for a lot of them, they're afraid of the risk, right? What if it doesn't? What if it doesn't?
But you know, Erickson and every other psychologist, Maslow out there would tell you that you only get one life and if it's not going to work that way and you need this then you need to know that you both do right because you're you're denying each other the chance uh at at true happiness with each other or true happiness with someone else right but but when don't, when you don't allow yourselves to be vulnerable, tell what you really need. And, and, you know, two way street in that go, I'm going to do it now. And now I'm going to tell you, and I, you know, now you're happy about that.
If you don't do that, you're not living this. You're not getting the thing that you wanted so much you went and bought a book about it exactly a book somebody you don't know wrote on the internet and was not you know and published on amazon right or you listened uh to it on audible exactly sorry yes i gotta keep plugging audible or you you decided that your days in traffic and in traffic and on the Jersey turnpike would be spent learning about, you know, how to the difference between, you know, putting her on a pedestal and being her bedrock, you know, because there is a difference. Yeah.
So tell me about this new book that you're working on now. okay so uh i'm mostly finished uh with my part of it it's the big book of chastity sex positions and it's so working on now? Okay. So I'm mostly finished with my part of it. It's the big book of chastity sex positions. And so in this situation, the submissive partner is locked, right? I don't mean chastity like in the, you know, Southern Bible Belt kind of, you know, frotting in your jeans in the back of a car, you know, but we're still virgins, you know, where the purity ring, I mean, your, your cock is locked. Right.
And so one of the things that I touched on in the chastity book that was very mind blowing and actually really changed fundamentally how I looked at sex with my wife is, is when we had it when I was still locked and it was just as you can imagine all pleasure is vicarious at that point and you are not the center of attention and more to the point your dick is not the center of attention the rest of your erogenous zones are you are intensely focused you're hanging in on every single sound she makes every movement every little thing um you just this is why i would recommend every man try every every partner try two weeks in chastity even if you're never going to do it again there's just some real neat lessons you'll learn about yourself during those two weeks that make it well worth it.
Um, and so I wanted to explore that. And so together with my loving and supportive wife, we went ahead and tried a bunch of different positions and did research and, uh, different types. So, so there's the sort of observe observational style where uh you know like something as simple as a lap dance when you're locked is is by it's it's amazing right it's just like there's there's all there's so much going on and it's all in your brain which is the biggest erogenous zone and right and she gets to be sexy.
And from her perspective, the tease, the frustration, you know, she's never felt hotter than like having me that so wrapped around her finger with the slightest. And then there's what I've been trying to make this term catch, fall staffing, which is where you wear, you're locked, but you wear a strap on for fall staff. It's very Shakespeare and fake staff. So, you know, fall staff. That is an incredible experience, too, because from a male perspective, you are having sex, but you're not feeling it.
So there's this incredible disconnect going on that your brain is just trying to figure out as best it can and it can't and so it's just kind of like okay I'm gonna make you feel ticklish but also here's a whole bunch of endorphins and okay yeah I know that's supposed to be doing this now but something's not connecting so we're gonna have to try and. It's just crazy. And then, um, there's the other way around where if you want to go fully submissive, that she's wearing the strap on and you're locked.
Um, and we did find in one position where if you're wearing the strap on, just to give you a one little taste of it, if you're on your back as the person wearing the strap on who's, who's locked, if you move the strap on a little bit up just past, uh, your pelvic bone. So it's on your, your stomach, like for ladies, that's that V area that muscles that when you, you know, you're having an orgasm, if you were to push on them, it feels really great. Um, it's the same for men.
And then she's on top, um um riding that up and down pressure especially if it's a a a dildo with a very wide base can actually lead to orgasm for yeah yeah isn't that crazy oh my god yeah yeah well this is fascinating okay this is gonna be a great book if i can get an illustrator i was just gonna ask you so are you still looking for an illustrator for this book and how cool would that be to be the one to actually illustrate these positions like hello yes i am looking i am looking i will be quite frank and honest 20 20 illustrations is a lot for anybody. I understand that.
Um, my, the commission is $500 plus, plus royalties, but I know that's not a lot. And I do not want to insult any illustrator. I imagine a bunch of illustrators like that sounds interesting. $500 go fuck yourself, but I will also let them have the rights to the images to use on a Patreon, whatever they want to do for forever. Right. So that there's, there's a secondary revenue stream there for them. So I do understand, sadly, I think we talked about this before. There's no way on earth. will allow me to publish this. So there goes my largest revenue stream.
So we have to do it through like Smashwords or something like that. And that just severely limits this for me because this is not, you know, this is not my career. I can't just go and say, you know, I'm dropping five grand uh, on a book that may, you know, may have a third five grand in 10 years, but, um, it.
I'm going to have all sorts of highlights and notes and everything like that so i think it's it's awesome it's 2023's ultimate coffee table book oh hell yes hell yes and fuck amazon that they don't let you oh they're gonna sell a gazillion strap-ons but they're not gonna sell this like book on sex positions how to use them right yeah what the fuck and how many chastity things are the cages are they selling i mean really it's ridiculous okay so so there's two books so far that i absolutely adore the locked in love and this one surrender submit and serve her i really love your writing style key i think that it's just really great books for couples that they're written for couples and they're not written fantasy based.
This is like real life relationship stuff. And I love it. I just, I love it. I think it's really great. So where can people go to learn more about you and your books and this project that you are working on? Well, they can find me on Amazon. I have an author's page, Key Barrett, and I am KeyBarrettMSC at Twitter. And lastly, audiobook. You've been talking about it. I know a lot of y'all out there like to listen to stuff on the road. So Surrender, Submit, Serve Her is available on audiobooks and and can be found on audible or also on Amazon. They're connected at the hip.
So, um, I would just like to add, uh, I'd love writing this. I loved writing these. I have to thank the couples that let me into their lives to learn about this in the first place. Um, that was a form of bravery, right? Cause they don't know, they didn't know anything about me, but they did anyway. They were brave and honest and strong. Just talking to even a few of them, I knew immediately that I had to write about this. I'm forever in their debt.
I think they all at least take great pleasure in knowing that they have helped a lot of other couples maybe discover this journey for themselves too. Well, I really hope to have you on the Moan app sometime soon. I'm an Android guy. When are they going to release the... Borrow your kid's fucking iPad. Like seriously.
yeah i i will i will i actually have I actually have an iPad here from I don't know 2012 so hopefully it still works I will get off my butt I'll do it I'll do it yeah yeah well the Android version apparently is coming out soon I'm not sure when but they've been saying that for a while now but um but yeah we it would be really great to be able to have you on the Moan app and we can have have some really fun chats on there and talk about these books and all that fun and chastity sex position. So I think that would be really great.
Thank you so much for joining me, Key Barrett, on this show again. And yeah, I hope to have you back soon. Thank you. I love being on here every time every time it's just i feel like we could talk for hours we could yeah all right that's gonna be a wrap for today's show i hope you loved it there's a couple things i want to leave you with before i say goodbye the first is fullswapradio.com now has an app so you can just listen to it on your phone super easy Check out the Venus Cuckolders podcast on Full SwapRadio.com now has an app, so you can just listen to it on your phone. Super easy.
Check out the Venus Cuckolders podcast on FullSwapRadio every Tuesday at 5 p.m. and 11 p.m. Central Time. And then this is important. I'm going to lower the music for this. Okay, listen to this. I write an article for ASN Magazine, ASN Lifestyle Magazine, every month. The April issue is a very important one that I want you all to read. Why? Because this has to do with safety and it's so, so important that we all work together to create a culture of safety in this lifestyle. So please read that article at ASN Magazine. It's out April 1st.
ASN Magazine, just Google it or find the link in the show notes. That's it for today. We'll see you next time. have you heard of afterglow you guys this is so amazing you've you've probably heard me talk about cock porn before and how much i'm not really a big fan. And why? Because it's not really made for women, right? But Afterglow is different. Afterglow is ethical porn made by women for women. Well, it's for everyone, but it is especially for women. And I'll give you an example. They have hot wifing videos that one of them is that I watched. It was narrated by a woman. so hot.
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