Venus explores the mind-blowing intersection between BDSM, kink, and cuckolding with Victor, a self-described primal individual who brings a unique perspective to the bull role.• Victor shares his journey from suppressing his primal nature to embracing it through kink and BDSM• Understanding the psychological aspects of cuckolding goes deeper than just physical pleasure• The primal energy described as controlled, disciplined power rather than uncontrolled dominance• Consent culture in BDSM compared to other lifestyle communities with strict boundaries and respect• The importance of communication, asking questions, and understanding partners desires• How women in the lifestyle often crave mental connection ( fuck my mind before my body )• Victor s approach of zero expectations creates deeper, longer-lasting connections• The red flag of husbands trying to coerce wives into cuckolding without consent• Recommendations for couples to explore local kink communities as educational resourcesLinksJoin the Live Chat with Venus July 3rd in the Queens Quarters Community - https://www.venuscuckoldress.com/offers/FTNWndiv/checkoutIf you re interested in learning more about kink and BDSM in cuckolding, you can find Victor on FetLife under the profile name LasciviousNature. Joymode: GREAT SEX SOLVED, NATURALLYUse Code VENUS for 20% off your first order at tryjoymode.com/venus🚀 Support your erection quality💪 Perform with confidence❤️Venus Connections❤️ - Matchmaking for loving cuckolding relationships and female-led relationships. Learn more at https://www.venusconnections.com/ Give her what she wants 💦 🍆 the Thrum - triple the pleasure, feel the difference 🤤 BUY NOWDestination Links for Venus - https://lnk.bio/VenusPodcast
Transcript
Hey, are you looking for a hot wife? Maybe you're looking for a cuckold relationship. Then you need to join Venus Connections matchmaking service. It's totally private, it's fun blind dates, and all members are vetted. And it works. There was even a wedding last year and there'll be another one next year. It's definitely hard to find your life partner. I know. And it's even harder to find this kind of relationship. But you'll never win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket, right?
So join VenusConnections.com. That's VenusConnections.com. And find the relationship of your dreams. Here's what's coming up on the show. King can be DSM by its very nature and is as much about your own psychology and understanding your psychology. Because when you understand yourself, you're better able to understand others. You want to understand others. You want to be able to understand what drives them to do X.
That level of curiosity sits within a lot of people within the kind of King of BDSM community. There wouldn't be a thing where I'd be like, let's say, for example, if I were meeting a couple and all they're feeling this overwhelming, dominant energy. You know, I'm literally on the leash, kind of wanting to snap off it and do something. More it will be very controlled. Okay. Very disciplined and very clear. Oh, that's hot. And she came in and we locked eyes.
And I was like, oh, eat you i'm gonna devour you and that was just on look we didn't speak any words to each other but she looked at me and she was like she looked like prey like she knew she was going to be hunted a bit later on in the party i had some time etc and then when i saw her that was it i mean it was it was just as we like to say colloquially here bonkers just off the charts what you're telling me is exactly what these women are asking for oh my god everything just clicked right now holy shit this is the venus cuckoldress podcast a place to learn all things cuckolding for the curious for the passionate and for the sexually empowered woman who wants it all.
Welcome to the show. I'm your host Venus. Thanks for joining me today. Today I have Victor who is my friend that I actually met in person when I was in London for my meet and greet there, that event that I did recently and what a conversation that we had and I thought I have to have this guy on the show. So today he's going to talk about the mind-blowing intersection of BDSM and cuckolding. And I remember back when I had Dr.
Justin Lee Miller on the show, he is the author of Tell Me What You Want, the book, which is fantastic. And also, he has the podcast, one of my favorite podcasts, Sex and Psychology. When he was on the show, he talked about or he mentioned something about how men who fantasize about cuckolding generally have more of a focus on BDSM when it comes to cuckolding than women do.
And I thought that was really interesting because in the conversations that I've had over the years, I've definitely felt like the guys who I've spoken to, the cucks who I've spoken to have been really quite kinky as far as the BDSM aspects of cuckold fantasy, less and less so for the women who I've spoken to. So this show is going to be talking all about kink and BDSM when it comes to cuckolding, what that is, what that looks like, how to get into it, and all of the stuff that surrounds it.
I think that all the cucks are going to find this one really, really interesting. But also, for any bulls who might be listening, and maybe you're new, maybe you're interested in learning about the dynamic, about submission and dominance and that kind of thing. This episode is a great place to start that educational journey because Victor is a fantastic, experienced person to talk on this subject. So I think you're going to really like it. I learned so much from this episode.
It's amazing how many conversations and episodes I've done regarding cuckolding, and I never stopped learning. I took away so much from this show today, and I think you are too. I think you're going to love it. But first, I have a couple of announcements, just quick ones. I'm doing a live chat in the Queen's Quarters community on Thursday, July 3rd, and that'll be at 12 p.m. Pacific time, so that's 3 p.m. Eastern. It's free for anybody to join. It's a live chat.
We're just going to do a regular general kind of Q&A discussion. the last one I did was so fun. And I think we talked for like two fucking hours. So it was great. Lots of conversations, you can jump in, you can ask questions, you can learn stuff, you can meet people, all that good stuff. So check out the link to RSVP for that chat. It's in the description notes for today's episode. Or you can just go to venuscuckoldress.com, click on the events tab.
Second, I haven't asked for this in a really long time, but I'm going to put it out there. If you love this show, please, pretty please, would you rate and review it on Apple Podcasts or whatever podcast platform you're listening on? I would appreciate that so much and it would mean a lot to me. All right, that's it for announcements. Now let's jump into the show right after this quick message from my friends over at Joy Mode.
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It's recommended by urologists and made with clinically proven ingredients. Joy Mode is both an on-demand and daily supplement, so you can head into the bedroom with confidence. It's discreet grab-and-go packaging that helps you perform best when the occasion arises. Go to tryjoymode.com and get 20% off with the code VENUS at checkout. That's 20% off and free shipping with the code Venus at tryjoymode.com. Joining me on the show, I have Victor. Victor is a, what he calls, primal individual.
And this drives his passions. He's here to talk about how he is a big fan of kink and BDSM in cuckolding, in the bull role. So welcome to the show, Victor. Say hello to all the listeners. Yes, hello. Thank you, Venus, for inviting me onto your podcast. It's really great to be here. And we got to meet in person in London. I had a meet and greet event recently in London, and I got to meet Victor there, We had a great conversation and said, hey, I would love to have you on the show.
So I'm really excited for you to come here and talk about your story and your very unique, I don't want to say unique, but I think it's a fascinating take on the bull role in cuckolding.
So welcome to the show thank you all right how did you become involved in this sphere this this aspect of sexuality in your life was this something that started a really long time ago or is this something that you got into recently um no it started a long time ago if i just kind of put let me just put it out there it started a long time ago um there's there's a couple of ways of me kind of looking at this there was i've always had an interest in um in kink and bdsm and i know we'll talk more about that but i've always had an interest in it from a fairly young age without really understanding why um and then in my teens i realized that i had a side of me that felt very dark, very raw, and, you know, what I call primal nowadays.
And, you know, other primals will understand that. It was interesting to have it so young, and I used to suppress it.
I used to, you know, like, no, no, like no no no this side of me it's clearly very dangerous i have no intention of allowing it out and actually over you know a long period of time it when you suppress anything in in about oneself and you know we can do that when we're teenagers we're trying to work out who we are we're trying to understand you know ourselves relative to our friends and peer group and all of that kind of stuff and i just remember this side felt like i had to hide it and um it wasn't until later on in life in my very late 20s when i kind of was able to return to it i i you know ended a relationship i remember thinking to myself one i don't want to make those mistakes i made in a relationship again those type of mistakes and two i think i need to understand who i am and then i kind of went and and that understanding who i was was as much about my sexuality and sexual side as well as other things.
So, yeah, I just kind of, you know, early days of Internet and the, you know, early 2000s, very early, late 90s, early 2000s. And there I was. And, you know, before I know it, I was, yeah, meeting people rather unexpectedly. And so that was like in kinky spaces kind of thing? Yeah, it was. I think the old kind of I don't know, they're still around, I suppose, you know, kind of adult friend finder and that kind of stuff from way back when.
um yeah and i would and there were other kind of uh more swinging sites from you know that period of time that were quite popular here um and yeah i just kind of looked around explored kind of went on them and then i started meeting people. Was that when you first learned about cuckolding? Yeah, I mean, that was the first experience. It wasn't even like, oh, yeah, I just, it just felt, all right. And so meeting these couples, right? Okay, fine.
And that that was that and it felt natural and it felt very normal um and it was really interesting but less of a community than it might be today less material to read about it um than you would have today in terms of doing research and understanding how cold it was it's about and you know etc and what's my role and you can do that today back then you just you just didn't have that material you had to meet people have your experience and go away and process it yeah you had to fuck around and find out right i mean that's what you kind of learn as you go right and yeah all on the job all on the job oh man we are so lucky that today that we have so much resources and so much information out there to be able to learn about this but yeah back then it was just like whatever and so when you first when you met with your first couple was it just like regular sex with her or was it kinky at all no I mean at the beginning it was very much more regular it was trying to understand so okay so you want me husband to have sex with your wife right and that kind of in my head I'm thinking these things I'm thinking okay this is kind of normal um but at that time it was just more sexual because I didn't yet have that mindset and I hadn't fully traversed into kind of kink and BDSM um and it was basically me meeting more people um that then made me transition made me kind of want to explore uh the kind of kink side of things so um yeah at the beginning it was like wow this is a new experience yeah huh how do I feel about that you know there's a lot of that as I went away from them or you know engaging with couples and trying to understand what do they want what do they want from me and also for it to feel good for me as a then young black guy who didn't really know anything about this whole kind of hey we're you know, you know, we're into black guys.
We, you know, the kind of whole black bull thing. I mean, none of that was known to me. Fascinating. So I, this is, this is so interesting to me because there's guys out there who will, you know, be the third, be the guy to fuck the wife.
And it's all about just having lots of sex but then there's like the few guys who like yourself who have those experiences and something kind of it's like a flip that switches and there's this real curiosity to learn about the dynamic of the the couple and how you fit into that and all of that. And I think that's where it kind of distinguishes guys who really enjoy that kind of experience versus guys who just want pussy.
So I'm assuming that those experiences for you kind of flip that switch and you were like, Oh, I can fuck with this game. Like I've like you get, like you start to understand the mental aspect of it, which I think, correct me if I'm wrong, is a big aspect of the kink and BDSM, right? Yes.
The kink and BDSM by its very nature and is as much about your own psychology and understanding your psychology because when you understand yourself you're better able to understand others you want to understand others you want you want to be able to understand what drives them to do x or behave in in y way or you know um so what were you thinking about when you did that you know kind of thing so that level of curiosity um sits within a lot of people within the kind of king of bdsm community um you know and it doesn't matter whether you're a d type a dominant whether you're an s type in terms of a submissive you know it doesn't matter if you're a switch it doesn't matter you know where you may be you are driven by uh wanting to understand so you know if you come from a more dominant perspective you want to understand well what kind of submissive individual is this and even you know there's not one type of submissive individual the the different branches of that it could be an obedient submissive could be a sexual submissive could be a service submissive could be you you suddenly realize it's a plethora it's like enormous it's a universe and it's like traveling from you know one star to another to see a whole group of different planets and then marveling at wow and then taking that information and traveling somewhere else and go all right so when i was there i remember this this might be of use here let me apply it so everything is is about application understanding environment and applying it and my mind works like that as a natural thing I'm a you know let me not say it loudly but I'm geeky so you know I might not look it you've seen me I don't look it but you know I am geeky so everything for me is about how does it work why does it do what it does etc blah so the the aspect of maybe you know as you put it chasing pussy is never going to be fulfilling to me it was never going to be fulfilling i didn't know that immediately but i found that out maybe much more quickly um than others might I'll see you next time.
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So there's gonna be a lot of people who are listening to this show who are not familiar with the different labels and terms and kinky bdsm um what you call yourself a primal what exactly is that well some people will kind of have you know a couple of different definitions because there are different types of of primal individuals for some people their primal sense means they identify with maybe a particular type of animal um could be a bear it could be a wolf it could be that that kind of instincts of that animal they feel within themselves um so that's kind of one form of having a primal personality my um primal nature is just driven by a very raw base side of me this part of me is like is is is is almost it's it's like um he just goes oh i can see you and i know you can see me if he if he identifies another primal individual and then everything becomes like all bets are off from there literally and i've had that experience i you know primal partners you know people i've met i remember i used to um be involved in a party um kind of you Actually, funnily enough, was a um kind of black guys couples party uh and i used to be there and i used to help uh organize and uh and run the dungeon and so people would come to me for the kind of you know kind of kink and bdsm parts those who kind of were interested in that but you know most people would be happily fucking the property and enjoying themselves left right and center and what i found was really interesting is that a lot of people knew me but some people would say to me i've i've never seen you do anything with anyone oh like you come in here and like you don't drop your trousers you know you, you know, like they just they just could not get their heads around it.
They just like and I said and I used to tell them that I'm here, you know, for, you know, other people's enjoyment per se. But they said the sex doesn't really kind of, you know, run it for me as it has to have a BDSM element, a kink element to it. I said, on one occasion, um, some guy that I know brought this woman, um, and she came in and we locked eyes. And I was like, Oh, I'm going to eat you. I'm going to devour you. And that was just on look.
We didn't't speak any words to each other but she looked at me and she was like pray she looked like prey like she knew she was going to be hunted and you know uh a bit later on in the party i had some time etc and then when i saw her that was it i mean it was it was just as we like to say colloquially here bonkers just off the charts um and it was really funny because afterwards we were just kind of chatting you know after we kind of had a session and with each other and she just, I felt you as soon as I walked into the room.
And I just knew that, you know, I had to do as you told me. And I said to her, oh, yeah, you're primal, but you'll pray. And she was like, what's that? And so therefore, I was just talking to her about that i said it felt very visceral it felt very raw it just you you couldn't really change your mind about things you just knew instinctually because it's a very instinctual thing this whole aspect of being primal is very instinctual um so the even the sex is just like whatever it's going to be.
There's no, oh, you do this, you do that. No, it's like hearing two foxes outside. You're thinking, wow, you're making a lot of noise. What's going on? It's very, very primal like that. So, yes, when a primal individual eyes another primal, you, you can feel it. It's really, I can't, I almost cannot describe it, but anyone who's primal will understand it. If someone's listening to this and they happen to be a fellow primal, I go, yeah, I know what he's talking about. Wow.
I, I love that it comes from a very natural place like this is not something that's kind of floofy made up or made up on the fly or you know role-playing or whatever that this is naturally just who you are and how you like what your energy is that's amazing yeah very much so Um, and know when i was younger and i had this part of me that i didn't understand you could imagine that i need i felt i needed to suppress it because i thought it was dangerous i know it just he it was as if and it was at the time another entity coming outside and going i'm driving the bus get in the back victor i'm in control now and you know and as my young self be thinking oh my god that's too dangerous and what what is he going to do kind of thing but you know here i am older is integrated into me that's fine he's part of me i'm him you know we're one and so therefore there's no real issue with regard to it i'm just primal i prefer maybe other primal individuals that i will happily interact with but you don't have to be because here's the thing as primal as i am I don't behave that way with people who are not primal okay yeah i can identify them pretty quickly they're not that's fine i'm in control of it you know it's all about you know being in control and being disciplined um and that for me is is you know important and easy but if somebody didn't know they could think wow that guy sounds pretty pretty kind of wild you know just that that all sounds like uncontrollable a bit edgy and etc anyone who's genuine will understand anyone who's genuine has been in it understands themselves understand their primal nature etc will know when they deploy it from when they don't.
Okay, that's good. I'm glad to hear that. Yay. But how is this not a dominant energy?
Honestly, in cuckolding, I hear this all the time where a lot of cucks really fantasize about dominant bulls and who have have that radiant kind of energy um is this is it is it not the same it is the same in a way because you know people who will meet me i mean obviously you've had the pleasure but you know um you know just in a social aspect um we'll turn around and say wow you've got a real energy about you you've got something about you that just says and i find that quite funny because i'm just being normal i'm not thinking about hey i need to project anything there's there's nothing um that i'm thinking about oh, here I am.
Let me engage with this person. But for them, it's like what they're reading, what they're feeling is something quite different. So I know that I have an energy that a lot of people react to.
Yes, it is a dominant dominant energy but it's a dominant energy based on the fact that i know who i am i'm clear about that uh i can articulate it um and i know what my mission is uh and what i mean by that and saying what my mission is it's like you know it's about enjoyment but it's about enjoyment with a discipline and that's something that i think um will be understood by some people but not by others so there wouldn't be a thing where i'd be like let's say for example if i were meeting a couple and i'm they all they're feeling this overwhelming, dominant energy, you know, I'm literally on the leash kind of wanting to snap off it and do something.
More it will be very controlled, very disciplined, and very clear. Oh, that's hot. That's hot.
there's that's some there's something very powerful about that that's so much more powerful than the out of control i'm going to snap off the kind of energy yeah it is it is different it is very very different um and some people kind of maybe see it or think about it as a little bit reserved maybe it's not quite sure no no i'm i'm pretty damn sure yeah um and there's nothing reserved but there is no need for an overspill of that energy you know it's like let's deploy this amount let's turn around and do this um and you know that's how i like it and other people have liked that too can you give us an idea everyone who's listening an idea of what this actually looks like in a cuckold dynamic, this kind of, um, kink BDSM primal bull energy kind of thing.
What does that actually look like? Is it typical to what you see in cuck porn? Probably not, but.
Um, no, because even when I think about my early days, it's,'s you know it's quite different um you do more preparatory work in a way you want to kind of understand what the dynamic is between the individuals if they've approached you or even if you see something and you approach them you'd be like okay i want to understand about you and the first thing that you normally turn around and say, there's no rush here. Because if someone's in a rush to do something, that tells me a lot about them.
And they're people I will normally avoid. They'd be people I'd be like, no, thanks.
But if they're more considered in what they're trying to do what they're trying to you know effectuate lovely word um you know then it's somewhat different because they're not telling me oh you're thinkers right you use your brain right you know so there's a so immediately that falls into kind of that psychological bit, which I you know so there's a so immediately that falls into kind of that um psychological bit which i you know prefer we can then exchange um um words or ideas um with regard to you know what are you trying to do why are you trying to do it what experience have you had what's important to you what's your dynamic like you know etc i want to know that I don to know that with a view to nothing.
And what I mean by that, no, zero expectation. I'll engage with you, zero expectation. There should be none from your side because there's none from mine. Let's see where it goes. I have not heard that before. Yeah, it's a different approach. And again, I appreciate it's not for everyone. Yeah. But you'd be quite surprised how many are kind of slightly taken aback, especially as they may well have engaged with other bulls, and especially black bulls, and they've had something quite different.
And then they kind of go, huh, what's going on here? I think we need to delve a little deeper.
I think we're a little bit bit more interested and then before you know it they're in that space and you're kind of like okay you're here that's fine let's let's see where this goes but with zero expectation and the zero and i'm and i mean that i mean even down to you know uh happily meet up etc and just sit there and have a conversation and then make them go away and think about what they've just experienced and again a lot are not used to that you mean we're not going to do anything absolutely not but you're going to go away and you're going to think about it and they go away and they think about it and then and inevitably they're like even more interested yeah and because it's almost like what like we did it's it's a mindfuck yeah it's a mindfuck and that is the psychological aspect that's a psychological part you know um but oh my god it's fine for me it's fine for me because for me it's just like we take our time victor how many times over the last decade have i heard the women in this lifestyle complaining about how they need to feel a connection they need to to, they're all, just yesterday I heard a woman say it, he needs to fuck my mind before he can fuck my body.
I mean, women are literally like starved for this mental, emotional connection with this guy, not just a dick in pussy. And what you're telling me is exactly what these women are asking for. Oh my God. Everything just clicked right now. Holy shit. Yeah. But it's, it's, I mean, it's funny you say that. I mean, look, I'm extremely fortunate that a lot of the people for me in the community here and a lot of my very close friends are women.
So I spend my time around women and I engage with them and they talk to me and I'm like, wow, why don't men understand this? Why do they not grasp how simple it is?
But that's driven by this whole kind of thing uh men are men women and women and men think that women are different species whereas actually you know that's a human being there are lots of intersectional stuff that you both share as human beings so you can actually engage with this person without making them feel, you know, kind of strange or weird, or they're just one thing. Look, I don't want to say that men are lazy, but I am going to say a lot of men are lazy.
I'm going to turn around and say that. I'm going to be up front. I didn't say it. He said it. I did not say it. It feels like it's too much work for them but at the same time they don't realize how much more work they're doing the way they go about things and how much less work that I have to do going about the things the way that I do but it looks like it it it feels like an equation to them that hey I'm not'm not here to do maths. I'm just here for pussy.
And so therefore, you know, then that's what they do. Whereas for me, it's, uh, it's something deeper, et cetera. And the connections are stronger, uh, and so on. And so therefore those relationships that I, I make and cultivate the deep and they last a long time. I can imagine. I can definitely imagine. Now, I'm going to ask you about a couple of things.
The first one being some stereotypes about kink and BDSM, because I remember when I first got into the non-monogamy world, I jumped into the swingers lifestyle as a solo woman, as a unicorn, had so much fun with that. But, um, and, and I thought that was kinky and fun. And then, and then I slowly got introduced to cuckolding. I still didn't really understand anything about kink. I remember going on FetLife way back in the day and being like so overwhelmed.
Like I don't understand any of this but i think these worlds are very very separate and there's a lot of misunderstanding and i still feel like i don't know a lot about kink and bdsm i really don't feel like that's something i have a lot of knowledge about but what are some of the common kind of misconceptions or stereotypes that you see about about kink and bdsm um there are a few um but one of the one of the key differentiators between those who um kink and bdsm first sex second versus you know those, uh, sex focused in terms of their enjoyment is consent.
That is the major dividing line between the two respective branches of, you know, adult pleasure, let's say, or, you know, know um we don't do anything without consent i don't do anything without consent if i do not have the explicit absolute consent of the individual nothing's happening nothing so that means that no husband, male partner of some woman can seek to persuade me to do something as if coercion. Let's put it that way.
There'll be no coerc coercive i don't do anything along those lines i have zero interest in that because when an individual hasn't been able to consent to something in some territories it's illegal um but it's just disrespectful yeah absolutely disrespectful so consent is a is a main differentiator so for example if a scene were happening and I was at an event and um unless it was a you know bdsm event um this is the way that we behave somebody could be having a play session and we and in in and in bdsm events particularly play sessions are not necessarily sexual in fact the vast majority will not be yeah but you will witness things that you'd be like wow that's hot or that's crazy or whatever um and there's a whole way that you respect a scene that somebody else is in or even if it were sexual as well as kind of kink um focused there's a way that you would respect that you do not interrupt it you do not talk while people are doing whatever you don't stare them down there are so many things they're almost unwritten rules but people follow them because they understand what it means to be on the other side they'll know that they don't want to be weirded out by some guy masturbating in the corner to their scene that kind of stuff in in in in kink terms is verboten it's a no-no oh yeah it really is a no-no whereas if you're if you're in a um uh maybe not so swing club but a party sex party etc and you someone's having sex with someone.
And then all of a sudden, you know, some guy's hand creeps up the leg of the woman while sex is happening, or he's grabbing and, you know, her breasts or whatever.
Like, that's almost permitted as almost as like, well, you're in a sex party, that of shit's gonna happen yeah if that were happening in a in a bdsm context and it was just pure sex even within a bdm context in terms of those of the people who are there that nobody would be able to unless you're invited explicitly right invited in yeah hey why don't you come over and then you know that someone entering the scene and being actively involved in the scene those two things are decidedly different between the two groups decidedly so any if you talk to any kinkster who goes to a a swinging club they normally come back with horror stories how and this guy just kind of came up and he just touched me because they used to consent and those guys are just there on the basis of hey you're in a swingers club you know you're at a sex party you know i should be able to touch you that that is the main difference between the two environments um and it's that i don't want to say rigid per se but it's it's there's an ethos to the way that we do stuff because we will do stuff look i've been in a sex party and i've been doing kink you know impact play and and witches could be hitting someone's bank flogging them whatever and i have stopped people having sex through the manner of what i have been doing with my partner because they're like i'm not used to that that looks really dangerous right that looks like he's hurting this person and it takes them out of them having sex whereas we're just in the zone enjoying ourselves left right and center and if it were the other way around and two people are having sex and it's a kink environment nobody gives a stuff about them having sex so there's a real difference in terms of ethos and i do bring that in terms of how i engage you know with people and i suspect that's why it's so radically different for those who engage with me because then it's almost as if the world has flipped upside down for them right um when they're engaging with with me because it's like oh i'm not used to this and then they're more intrigued and they want to know more and how have you come about this how have you come to this way of thinking and then i'll you know if i identify someone like i was identified by a couple i bet um all those years back and they went oh you're like us but you just don't know and i was like what do you mean what do you mean and they talked about you know being on the kink scene and and game stuff and it made me go oh yeah okay i need to investigate that yeah and that and that couple with my transition because they were the ones who kind of kicked the door open in my mind as into like oh there's more.
Yeah. Right. And that's kind of where I went. That was my, you know, through the door moment or Alice through the looking glass moment, I suppose. It sounds like the kink BDSM community has really, really fine-tuned the whole consent culture. And, um, I feel like the cuckolding lifestyle absolutely needs to adopt that. On that note, I've had some conversations about safety in the lifestyle over the past several months.
And one of the things that I have been really horrified with over the last decade is seeing how many times bulls in the lifestyle get approached by husbands who want them to secretly, they want to arrange for this guy to come and hit on his wife and flirt with her and pressure her for sex. And hopefully then she will turn her no for cuckolding into a yes and make things happen in that sneaky, deceitful, coercive kind of way. Has this happened to you before?
Have husbands approached you and asked you to do something like that before? Yes, I have. I have had that. I still get that on occasion. And it's always a no. It would be a no from me because it just should be, you know, I appreciate that he's thinking really hard about this experience that he wishes to have.
And believes that you know his wife will only like it if she understood what it was about and i just need the right guy to show her what it's about yeah no you don't um but it's hard for them to understand because a lot of men don't really grasp coercion what it feels like from the other side they don't understand what it what it feels like from the other side they just kind of think that's the normal you know hey you know men and women interaction kind of thing and it really isn't it really isn't yeah it's pretty awful so along that line of consent um and having said that i really really hope that as a community in the cuckolding lifestyle as a community we take some notes from the kink pdsm community and really start to build a culture, a new culture of health and safety, but especially for women.
How do you personally, I know this is a big part of who you are. You said it's all about consent and that this is really important to you. What does that actually look like? How do you establish consent and how do you maintain consent through these encounters with people? So you establish consent by open communication. Um, uh, the open communication part is, uh, you know, establishing an understanding of what's important to them. What's, you know, um, what are they okay with?
What are they not okay with? What if she says, I don't know? If she says she doesn't know, that's fine because it can be worked out. And what I mean by that is that, you know, do you have an interest in it? Yes. Do you know what you like? No, that's fine.
You've already established you have an interest in it yes do you know what you like uh no that's fine you've already established you have an interest okay that's fine um and then i would probably elicit a number of questions to go so what do you think about what are the things that bring you to you know um that you find erotic or horny make you horny or whatever so i would kind of use that information as a way to kind of as a guide to okay so we can maybe go in this direction you know what is she thinking about with regard to you know the husband or partner what's important you know in terms of the type of of feelings that she gets when she's doing x y or z or thinking about x y or z so what tends to happen is is that we're so used to those of us who we're so used to asking questions we can use and frame you know questions that will guide us because, you know, we're getting that data.
Let's put it that way. I'll put it from a geek perspective, that data from that individual that I'll then use interpolate and then be able to go. All right. This is the direction. And then I can reconfirm it with them as well.
So it can be a case of, hey, about x y and z see how this is and then they go oh god i really like that or actually maybe we could change that so it's simple when you come from a background of always asking questions okay that makes a lot of sense it is about a it's about, uh, the willingness to learn and ask the questions. And some people might feel like asking those questions feels awkward. It takes away the sexy component of things and whatever.
But, um, I will always remember the very first time that I had a sort of kinky BDSM encounter. I basically like, this was back in the swinging days. I met this couple who I absolutely love and adore. I'm still friends with today, um, who were very into bondage and BDSM stuff. And, um, anyway, they lived in different cities at the time and, uh, she wanted to surprise her husband with me as a, like a surprise thing.
And so she basically just gave him my address and said, you know, bring your all your toys, and go and knock on the door. And so I was like, all excited. I'm like, Oh, this will be fun. And so when he answered, when I answered the door, he knocked on the door, I answered it. He's like, Oh, it's you.
so funny but he had a duffel bag full of all this stuff and i was just like oh wow like he brought oh yeah he brought a fucking machine a bunch of dildos and like all this like i don't remember like like kinky stuff and i'll but he was all i could like he was so interesting because he was so experienced and knew what he was doing that he used the red light yellow light green light thing yeah you know in terms of that yeah and safe word yeah and it wasn't weird it didn't take away from the like heat of the moment and the sexiness of it for me and it felt actually very calming for me very like I felt very safe and in doing so I just I would felt very relaxed I was like oh he knows what he's doing I feel okay like I have the tools to be able to stop at any point in time or say that I don't like this or whatever.
It was amazing. Okay. He could, the nickname for the fucking machine was the destroyer. It was so fun. Why am I not surprised by that? Why am I not surprised by that? But it was the first time that I had been tied up, but he asked me all these questions about that beforehand. Like what would you prefer this or that or whatever?
And like, I just it was it was great now I left that experience thinking like wow okay that's really how it should be done like not just a kinky encounter but any encounter any experience that I have there should I should have that feeling of okay this is you know I feel safe here like this is okay this is good absolutely and and if you were to and what's really interesting if you were to talk to uh other women and which i know you do you know um they would always turn around and say wow i like the idea of being asked i find you know, pretty kind of sexy.
But if you want to ask men, if those men come from a BDSM perspective, they go, yeah, that's shit sexy. You know, we can do stuff when I'm asking questions, et cetera. I know exactly what they like, da.
But if you were asking men who don't come from that tradition and they're just like, I'd feel awkward to be asking this, you know, question because in their minds, they're thinking to themselves, maybe she doesn't, maybe she might reject me if I really say what I want to do, you know, as opposed to, you know, we'll turn around and say, you know, what is it that you want to do? what is it you want to experience? How do you want to? And kind of go from there.
So it really is quite different in terms of for those that were kind of schooled in an understanding of BDSM and kink and how they approach it.
And for those who, you know, just want the fun of sex, they are two very, very different things very different okay my last question this is going to be a fascinating conversation for people to listen to i'm sure because there's a lot of couples out there um or individuals out there who are listening who are um what like wow mind blown i totally would love to go this road. I would love to explore this. This sounds like a lot of fun.
Um, this, or maybe they're thinking this is something I've always wanted to do. This is a great time for me to actually start to do this.
How do couples actually, how should couples, what would you recommend if they are wanting to go down this throat of a kinky Bdsm cuckold dynamic with somebody how best to do that so i would normally turn around and say you know doesn't matter where you are you know check out your your local you know kind of kink community whether it be socials munchies, um, as we call them, you know, um, go along, find out, you know kind of kink community whether it be socials munches um as we call them you know go along find out you know what's going on uh in the local area and to try and understand you know those people um and you'll find that most of them are just like you um you just didn't know that you know kind of thing so you know they're just like you and they're curious and they're interested in X, Y, Z and themselves.
And then that will kind of let you immerse yourself with people who will mainly be consent driven. They'll just want to chat to you. They'll just want to do that.
You'll find it not uh um a pressured thing it's very much a kind of hey we're social because people in the kink bdsm community they meet up regularly here in london we meet up regular we're at different events etc and socials we'll see each other and so on we're we're kind of in that way so you get to then you know have a wider circle people understand people talk to people about, hey, what are you into? What do you like? What's important to you, da, and so on.
And then from there, you get a better understanding of what is the ethos that sits behind those who are involved in kink and BDSM, which will then allow you to then know how someone's approaching you and more to the point whether they are genuine in terms of what they say it's easy for some guy to say hey i'm a dominant um but not have any understanding of of the psychology of dominance the understanding how you interact with people and that the fact is being dominant means you have a responsibility and being dominant also means you have to have internal discipline self-discipline and if those things are not there and you don't know anything about king you could have some bad experiences before you know it but once you kind of have mixed with people and you get an understanding you're listening to different voices pretty early on and you're hearing a consistency from all these different voices about how people approach things what they do why they do it etc it will help you so that's what i would normally recommend to those who maybe have a little bit of an interest and go oh right this you know the kinky stuff sounds really interesting you know whether it be you know rope or shibari as we like to call it and whatever all these things you can connect with a community find out what's going on build your knowledge and then use that you know to have your own adventures and experiences i love that my biggest takeaways from this conversation with you about is how you said that all of all of this is about learning about who you are, is learning more about who you are, but that a big part of this involves learning who the couples are or the other individual is and that this is all very consent driven and that that's such a differentiating factor to other kind of lifestyles that are out there.
I was just like, wow, mind blown. I think it's so cool that you have really shone a light on what all of this is. Because like I said, this seems like something that so many guys, couples really think about and desire, but don't really know how or where to go about finding this. So your advice is definitely appreciated. Thank you so much for being on the show. Where can people learn more about you?
Well, I'm on FetLife and that's my kind of main space because it allows me to interact with all um other fellow kinksters out there um so if you know someone's listened to this and you know i'm happy to answer any questions um that people may have um then yeah um you know lascivious nature uh is my profile name on FET literally spelled as lascivious nature fits very much with my primal self. So, you know, yeah. Um, people can turn around and see me there.
So, um, yeah, it's, it's look, I've been a listener. Um, you know, I have my regular drop of your podcast in my feed. And every time I'd be listening, I'd be thinking to myself, surely she's going to have someone on who's kind of coming from a kink and BDSM perspective and talking about how that interacts with you. And you didn't. I know, it's been missing this whole time.
and you didn't and i've been quite kind of surprised and not surprised because i think you know when we're in london and we had the conversation i said look um it surprises me how few black men in particular i kind of see that kind of kink and bdsm space as one that they can happily inhabit and and understand well you know um i know that um uh that kind of stuff is a colloquialism we don't use over here freaky um you know when someone says freaky i'm like uh okay i think you it's like outside of your um comfort space yeah um, whereas, you know, King can beat us him is about, you know, um, uh, removing yourself from a comfortable space, being in, you know, a space where you challenge yourself, um, in your experiences or that with, you know, other people.
um and you know i want and want to see more um black men black women people of color regardless involved in it because it really does benefit you it really tells you about yourself allows you to be able to interact with people in a different way really does and learn more about yourself along yeah yeah absolutely no two ways about it so I'm glad that maybe I was the quote-unquote first person to come on and be a guest from you know that perspective but um yeah it's been a it's been a real pleasure yeah I'm so happy to have you on the show.
Thank you so much. You're most welcome. That's going to be it for today's episode. Thank you so much for joining me. Make sure you go to venuscuckoldress.com. That's where you can book a private chat with me. And you can also join the Queen's Quarters community and get all the amazing benefits like the private podcast and the Helpful Cuck Tier where you can get key holding for the private Snapchat group, monthly private chats with me, and weekly live hangouts and invites to special live events.
Oh, and you can also submit a question or confession for the show. Just go to VenusCuckoldress.com and click on the link that says the podcast. Make sure you follow me on Blue Sky Social. Yes, I said Blue Sky Social. Fuck Twitter. My handle there is at CuckoldressV. All right, that's it for today's show. You guys, we'll see you next time.
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