Lets Get It On

I'm not shy, however we usually meet potential couples first for dinner or drinks. We make it clear with no expectation of sex on the first meet. My husband and I have worked out a series of physical signals as to whether or not we each are interested in the other couple. If we've all gotten along well, then we'll invite them to join us for a drink at our home. In a club or swingers dance, It's always good for each of us to dance with our prospective partners, get a feel for who they really are. Same set of signals apply. If it feels right we'll make a polite suggestion to get together. One can't take rejection too personally in swinging either. Everyone's personal attractions and tastes will vary. I simply may not like a man's cologne, my husband wears a beard, some ladies don't like that. The worst that can happen is that someone can say no thanks. "Faint heart never won fair lady".

AndrewRobin, That is actually some really good tactics.. That may just work pretty well.. Thanks for the suggestions ..

AndrewRobin ...I have to say that seems like it could be a great method for our introvert friends. Thanks for posting.

Here's what I do in a club or house party situation. I guess it wouldn't really work on a date with just the one couple for drinks or dinner, but we almost never do that.

When we've met another couple, and it looks like it's going well, then at some point with some excuse, we go away for a minute. Bathroom, drink refill, whatever. Robin and I have a quick conversation about possibilities, then we go back to them. It doesn't take long for us. Sometimes we don't even need to leave the other couple. A nod and a wink between Robin and I and we know we're both onboard.

So then, and it's always me who does this part, I will say something to one of them. Which one? Depends on how it feels at the moment. I will say to one of them, "We talked about you two and we're in agreement that we're interested in playing. We're going to go....something(get a refill, have a smoke, mingle, dance, whatever). We'll be around if you decide you're interested too." And then we leave them.

That accomplishes multiple things. You only have to brave for a moment if you're the shy type. You're not even giving them the chance to reject you right then because you're excusing yourself from their immediate presence. You're giving them the chance to talk to each other and make a decision without you being right there. You've told them they don't have to fear being rejected.

After that, if they find you and start talking again, take it as a yes. If they avoid you, then you've been rejected, but in the nicest possible way.

If it’s a serious issue of being too shy to express your feeling, then any advice from ya probably won’t help. If it’s just the environment of swinging that’s giving you butterflies, then I say just jump in and say it when it feels like a good time.

The reason I say this is I dated a girl for a long time that could never ask for sex. She loved it, she was just too shy to express her desire. I never could bring it out of her to open up. Sometimes it’s deeper than we understand.

How do you get over the difficult situation of who's going to make the first move or bring up lets go play? Just curious because we are both what I guess you would say is introverts and a bit on the reserved side , but we feel like we may have missed quite a few opportunities to play with couples we were interested in because we were all on the shy side somewhat..