Ep. 63: Baffled by a Back Out

Transcript

the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles. what is up lifestyle world welcome to evan swings lifestyle podcast from a male perspective. That would, of course, be my perspective. I'm your host, Evan, or at least that's what I call myself on the show. And I thank you for joining me today. For those of you new to the podcast, welcome. Glad to have you here. Thank you for giving it a chance. A little quick bit about me.

I've been doing this podcast for a couple of years now. My wife, Eva, and I, we live in the Dayton, Ohio area, and we've been in the lifestyle for a little over four and a half years. And I do this podcast not as a way to make money or as an attempt to gain fame. I simply enjoy sharing our experiences in the lifestyle. I listen to many lifestyle podcasts and found them to be very informative and very entertaining. So I decided to get on board myself.

I am not an expert, and I will never pretend to be one. I just hope that if you're listening, you might relate to what I'm talking about and enjoy the ride. I am sitting here in my home office. I am not in a professional studio of any kind and I always just kind of let people know that because occasionally you might hear my dogs barking or their collars shaking. You might hear that. It might come through the microphone. But again, this is just an amateur podcast.

And of course, by the way, if you are a returning listener, back for more, thank you as always for being here. I appreciate the support. It is Q&A time. I have received three questions from listeners that I would like to take a moment to answer. And just a heads up, by the way, if you have questions or comments or thoughts or suggestions, I do always give my contact information at the end of each episode, so you can stick around for that and reach out to me if you so desire.

By the way, I apologize to a couple of these people who sent questions. I do realize that you sent them a while ago. I'm sorry, it has taken me some time to answer an episode. My first question is from Jay. He asked asked what do you wear to the club thank you jay um i'm not sure where you live but i can tell you that all the clubs that i have been to that eva and i have been to are in oh Ohio, Indiana, and Kentucky. And I know that's not impressive.

Less impressive is that I've been to two in Ohio, one of which was recently shut down permanently, one in Indiana, which was also shut down permanently, and one in Kentucky. So I don't have a whole lot of experience with a variety of clubs and their dress code rules. And out here in the Midwest, it may be different from where you are, but out here, the clubs have a theme every night.

And what I do is I usually dress to the theme, meaning usually some kind of costume or wardrobe that relates to the theme. Now, Club Princeton in Columbus, Ohio, which is the club that Eva and I often attend, they also have formal events, including nights like New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day. And on those dates, I wear formal attire, dress pants, dress shirt, a tie, a vest, and even a fedora. But I am assuming your question means more like in general, like if there wasn't a theme.

So my go-to, which I have worn to several hotel takeovers, is a pair of jeans, nice jeans, with a long sleeve button down shirt and a tie with a vest for just a little extra touch of style. And maybe it's a little bit of an overkill but I enjoy dressing up and you know trying to look my best and I know that some clubs don't allow jeans but Club Princeton does as long as they are nice jeans you know with no holes or anything and if I can't wear jeans I say say, go with khaki pants.

Can't go wrong with khakis. My second question comes from Radish Man. Now I responded to Radish Man personally already, but I wanted to, um, just acknowledge him and thank him on air for, uh, sending me his questions. So thank you, Radish Man. Plus, it brings up something I think is interesting. So he asked, hey, Evan, what is your body count? I laughed when I read this for the first time, okay, because Eva and I have actually talked about it.

Eva has no idea the number of guys she has fucked since joining the lifestyle. But me, I know exactly how many women I've been with. And talking to some other guys in the lifestyle, they also know their exact body count as well so it makes me wonder is it just a guy thing or is is this just a uh small sample size that uh in in inaccurately reflects the overall majority do do guys tend to keep track more than girls? Do guys think of it kind of like a badge of honor more so than women?

I'm not sure. Again, small sample size. But from the few people I have discussed this with, it is usually the guys who put more stock in a number than women. And I'm not sure if I would call it a badge of honor or a macho thing. I don't know. I don't know if that's it. All I know is that for some reason, I do know my number. Like I just, you know, every time I am with someone new, I for some reason think to myself, oh, this is, now this is this number.

But as for my count, my actual number, I am not saying that publicly. I'm usually 100% open and honest on this podcast, but I don't think it matters here. So I'm not going to mention it. And I don't want it to serve as like a comparison to anyone or have someone use it as a benchmark in any way, but it does bring up that interesting question. Are guys more likely to know their number than ladies? So be interested in your thoughts. If anybody has any, send them my way.

Now, the third question is one I received very recently and is absolutely perfect timing. when you consider my story for today, which I will get to shortly. Now, I did not ask for permission to use his name on the show, so I won't say who it is from. But the question is, what is your biggest lifestyle pet peeve? Excellent question for which I have two answers. Now, the definition for a pet peeve is a minor annoyance.

And I don't have that exactly from Webster or Google or anything, but that's what it is. It's a minor annoyance. It's something that drives you nuts that maybe doesn't drive a lot of other people nuts. So considering that, I do have something that is very minor that I will share. Like this is just a minor thing. And then I will get into my story which um is more of like a major annoyance that I have to believe affects many, many lifestyle couples. So the very minor pet peeve is this.

And I may have others, but this is the first one that popped into my mind when I got that question. It annoys me when the word coming, C-U-A-N-G-O-, C-U-M, is used purposely in place of the other spelling of the words, C-O-M-I-N-G or C-O-M-m-e for example a lifestyle club puts out a flyer or a poster that says come join the fun and come is spelled c-u-m or when people on lifestyle social media sites they write posts that say something like who's coming to the club tonight and?

And of course, coming is spelled C-U-M-M-I-N-G. A couple of our lifestyle friends, who we hope to see on Valentine's Day, texted me the other day and said, tell Eva, we hope she'll come and have fun. And come was, of course, spelled C-U-M. I don't know why, but that just drives me bonkers. Okay, and that right there, that's the textbook definition of a pet peeve. I don't know why, it just drives me bonkers. First of all, I, I just, I don't think it's very classy. All right.

Just, just use proper grammar and spelling. Okay. Show you have an education and that just may be the teacher in me speaking. Okay. But second of all, it just seems redundant. You know, we know you're in the lifestyle. Okay. You know, we, we know it's a sex club. We get it. We don't need, uh, the unnecessary sexual terminology thrown in. Okay. I just, I just don't find it cute or humorous and maybe I'm in the minority, but again, that's exactly what makes it a pet peeve, right?

Now, as for the big annoyance, it is flaky people. That's my big pet peeve, flaky people. And maybe flaky isn't even the correct term, but I'm going to go with it. And if I think of a more appropriate or better word as I talk, then I'll change. I'll change it. But for now, I'm sticking with the term flaky.

But it's couples who just ghost you, just stop responding to your message for messages for, for apparently no reason or, uh, say they're going to get in touch with you and then they don't or couples who, who seem just as excited and on board to hang out again and then change their minds with no real explanation. And I have a story about this, which will hopefully further justify my frustration.

I was chatting with a couple that lived north of us, and that in itself is a weird thing because most couples we interact with online live east of us in columbus south of us in cincinnati or even west of us in indianapolis but having found an interested couple north of us north of the dayton ohio area that is rare Here we go. And having found an interested couple north of us, north of the Dayton, Ohio area, that is rare. Very rare indeed.

They lived about an hour and 15 minutes from us, so we decided to meet at about the halfway point for dinner. And we had a fantastic evening. Dinner went very well. We all seemed to get along very well and i could tell i could tell eva was enjoying herself and i was certainly enjoying myself and i knew they were enjoying themselves because after dinner ended we were actually in the restaurant pretty close to their closing time. They asked if we wanted to go find a bar to continue chatting.

And that was very telling to me. If they were not still interested, they could have easily excused themselves after dinner and and we could have gone our separate ways. But no, they were the ones who asked if we wanted to continue hanging out. And we, of course, agreed. We found a local dive bar and spent another few hours there drinking, laughing, talking, flirting, just, you know, just, just hanging out. It was great.

When it seemed like things were wrapping up for the evening, the wife asked when we could all hang out again. So that's an important piece of information right there. Okay. She obviously was having a good enough time to immediately ask us on the spot for a second date. And we all hopped on our phones and checked our calendars. And we decided to meet two weeks later. So two weeks after that night. On the way out the door, the husband, he was first, he held the door for us.

And then, so when he did that, I rushed ahead to hold the other door. So Eva kind of lagged behind. Well, she took that opportunity to plant a kiss on the husband. A good, long, deep, hot kiss. That will come into play here shortly. On the way home, Eva expressed a minor fear. She was worried that she may have crossed a line by kissing him. She was afraid that maybe she came on too strong and there was a chance she scared him off. I told her it was fine.

Now, at this bar, we also set up a group chat on telegram and over the next several days all four of us were chatting the husband even sent me a message separately from the group chat and asked if he had passed the kiss test so so he would he was very into eva and was glad she enjoyed the kiss as well i even confessed that you know eva was afraid that she had crossed the line and scared him away and he said absolutely not they enjoyed hanging out with us so much.

He even told me that his wife really liked me, found me to be very cute, especially when I wore my hat backwards. She liked that a lot, I guess. And gave me a couple of pointers for next time, like just some things that she liked. And I did the same for Eva. Here we go. a couple of pointers for, for next time, like just some things that, that she liked. And I did the same for Eva again, the group chat continued over the next few days.

Uh, one, one sexy pick was sent each way, uh, lots of polite conversation, some flirty comments some some little little innuendos thing things seem to be going great the wife even mentioned a fantasy she had involving watching her husband fuck another woman while she gave commands like like told him what to do to her. She asked Eva if she would be interested in that. And Eva said she would be. So again, things were going great until day five.

So five days since we met them at the restaurant that morning, they found our profile on, uh, one of, one of the other apps we used and they, they hit the like button. So they, they liked our profile and, um, I liked them back. And then I responded, Hey, you found me, you know like that and then the husband responded at 5 40 PM. Okay. 5 40 PM that they had found a unicorn on that particular app. And they were excited to meet her this weekend.

So I congratulated him and talked about how hard it was for us to have found a unicorn and you know you know, all that stuff like that. Just chit-chat. And that was at 5.40 p.m. So things are good. Great! Even at 5.40 p.m. About three hours later, I was bored. So I decided to reach out in our group chat and ask if they had any ideas yet for where to go for our second date the following weekend. The response we got was probably the most surprising response we have ever received in the lifestyle.

The husband wrote that they had been talking about the lifestyle the last few days and how important a four-way vibe is with another couple and with that in mind they no longer wished to get together with us again he wished us well and ended with one word sorry i was dumbfounded three hours earlier we were chatting you know we were chatting about his potential unicorn we were chatting like we were good friends the last few days we'd all been chatting and everything seemed great and you mean to tell me that during this time you guys were having conversations about not seeing us again Eva responded to that message with a polite, Well, that is disappointing.

We really liked you guys. Take care. Something like that. I wrote, Wow. Okay. Best of luck. And it may have sounded a little bit snarky, but this was a surprise. This was a shock shock we have been turned down plenty of times once very similarly in november which i actually discussed in a recent episode but nothing like this this was a new one there were absolutely no signs just three hours prior that anything was off. And let's remember what happened up until this point, okay?

They invited us to continue chatting at a bar after dinner. They were the ones who immediately wanted to schedule a second date. And they were the ones who asked about fulfilling a fantasy with Eva and we all kept chatting you know there were no signs that anything was wrong or that feelings had changed it was it was just so sudden so I don't know I don't know if flaky is the correct word here, but I can't think of a better term still. So that's what I'm going to stick with.

And that is what annoys me most in the lifestyle. People who just change their minds at the drop of a hat with no explanation about what happened. And you know, it's hard not to wonder if we are the problem, like Eva and me. What are we doing to cause this? Eva thought maybe it was because she doesn't chat as much in the group chat. And I thought maybe the woman was actually preparing to take one for the team and then decided not to go through with it. But I don't know.

It is incredibly frustrating. And here's the deal, everyone. OK, something I've mentioned several times before in other episodes. In the lifestyle, you absolutely have the right to change your mind at any time. You do. Couple one has the right to change their mind about meeting couple two. And couple two has every right to ask couple one for an explanation. But couple one does not have an obligation to explain. That's the way Eva and I see it.

So, so we didn't ask, we didn't ask this couple for an explanation. We just shook our heads and moved on. So again, that is probably what my biggest lifestyle pet peeve is. Couples flaking out, Spending all that time messaging, all that time getting together, thinking everything is going well, and then they flake out. Broken expectations. Maybe that's a better way to say it. Expecting couples to follow through and then they don't. I don't know. Maybe that's a better way to say it.

I can't think of a single time that Eva and I have done that to another couple. If we say we're going to meet you, we're going to show up and meet you. If we say we want to see you again, then you're going to see us again. If we don't want to see you again, we're going to politely let you know that we don't think we're a match. It's common courtesy, right? And at this point, Eva and I are so comfortable and we know what we want in the lifestyle. We know what we're looking for.

And I don't know, maybe it's just too much to ask that others feel the same way because they're just not at the same point as us. So I don't know, maybe we're being too hard on them.

all right well after i planned all that like all like i organized my notes and got my plan ready for this episode there came an epilogue the husband actually contacted me separately he actually he reached out to apologize he said he felt really bad bad about yesterday and wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings.

And he further explained that they were still fairly new to the lifestyle and that his wife began to have second thoughts because they had been meeting a few different couples and then they were supposed to meet that potential unicorn. And she actually started to begin to experience jealousy. So there was the explanation.

It was admittedly, admittedly, um, validating, um, reassuring because Eva and I both racked our brains and couldn't think of something either one of us had done to trigger this. And we both felt that we were or they were stand up individuals with integrity. So we couldn't So we couldn't figure out what happened. The fact that this dude decided to reach out and apologize man-to-man, I just had so much respect for that. So much respect for him. And I told him that.

He explained that his wife was just overwhelmed and not sure how to handle the jealous feeling she was having. So we had a nice little conversation about that.

And it ended it ended with him saying that if things ever changed, he'd love to reach out and see if we might be interested in rekindling things i of course told him he was always welcome to reach out and we'd go from there if he did though um i think that we would be a bit hesitant to get together with them i think eva and i would need some reassurance reassure reassurances that his wife was okay with it now.

Maybe after they had been with another couple or two and she was able to keep those jealous feelings out of the picture, then we'd be okay with meeting them again. Because the last thing Eva even I want to do is be the cause of marital turmoil you know we don't want to cause that but my gut tells me we will not hear from them again and that's too bad because they were really cool really fun and Eva was was definitely really into the guy and that of, is an even bigger turn on for me.

So again, kind of summarizing, going back to all this, that's what annoys me most, okay? Just couples who flake out. And a similar situation, again, happened to us in November, as I mentioned, and also last summer.

If you are an avid listener of evan swings you may remember my story about uh the couple we met at um or we went to an alice in wonderland event at club princeton with them we met them for dinner enjoyed ourselves went to the club enjoyed ourselves went to a hotel very much enjoyed ourselves planned another spicy date and then four days I think it was four days four days before we were supposed to get together with them again they texted us and decided they were no longer interested just very frustrating but that's the lifestyle for you okay I've Thank you.

They texted us and decided they were no longer interested. Just very frustrating. But that's the lifestyle for you, okay? I've come to learn there are always going to be unexpected surprises. Some are going to be very good surprises, and others are going to suck. You just have to roll with the punches and hope your luck will change.

And that's all and I are doing at this point we haven't been meeting many new couples lately just haven't found many matches but the hope is still there hoping some someday we'll meet we'll meet some some of them and then they will follow through on seeing us again. All right, well, I think that's going to do it for me. I hope that I will see all of you next time on Evan Swings. I'm going to wrap things up for today. I hope you enjoyed today's episode.

I will be back hopefully in two weeks with a tale that is currently brewing and may come to an exciting climax this weekend. I can't wait to tell you about it if things go according to plan. Remember there's always unexpected surprises in the lifestyle. In the meantime you could always reach out to me with your questions, comments, thoughts, and suggestions. I love hearing from listeners, and I always do my best to respond, oftentimes in an episode, like I did today.

So, please feel free to contact me. You could do so by finding the Evan Swings page on Blue Sky. Just go to the Blue Sky app and search for Evan Swings. Or you can find me on Instagram or even kick at Evan Deenson. That's the full name. E-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-S-O-N. Or one final way to reach me. Shoot me an email, evandeanson at gmail.com. I hope to hear from you. I hope you come back and listen again sometime. Again, I try to put out these episodes every two weeks. Until then, take care, everyone.

Oh, oh, my usual ending remark, almost forgot. Be safe, be adventurous, and we only get one of these, remember, so always live life to the fullest. Bye for now, everyone.