Ep. 67: St. Patty's Day O'rgy

Transcript

the following podcast contains adult content including adult language i talk openly about sex and other adult topics if you are under the age of 18 or are uncomfortable listening to sexually explicit narratives please listen no further i am not a professional therapist counselor or doctor i'm just an average guy in the swinger lifestyle who likes to share his experiences. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

Please seek a professional if you are in need of guidance or care as it relates to sexual health or alternative lifestyles. what is up my upside down pineapple friends welcome to evan swings a lifestyle podcast from the perspective of a guy in the lifestyle. I'm your host, Evan, and I thank you for checking out today's episode. If anyone new is listening, just a quick little background.

I'm half of a couple the other half is my amazing wife eva and we've been in the lifestyle for um over four and a half years now um we're a full swap couple in our late 40s from the dayton ohio area who prefer a friends with benefits dynamic and as always say, I am not a therapist or a doctor. I'm not an expert of any kind, okay? I'm just an average guy. Eva and I are just average, middle-class people. And I do this podcast as a way to kind of pay it forward and share our adventures.

I've listened to some wonderful lifestyle podcasts and appreciated what they offered me in terms of entertainment and information. So this podcast is my turn and I hope you enjoy it and my, uh, to my returning listeners, as always, thank you so much for your continued support. Here we go. is my turn, and I hope you enjoy it. And to my returning listeners, as always, thank you so much for your continued support. In today's episode, I want to tell you about our St. Patrick's Day adventure.

It was quite an enjoyable evening, but before I do, before I do tell you about that, I had three other quick little anecdotes to throw at you. So the first one, uh, this will be my, this will be the third time that I have, uh, kind of complained about a particular couple recently, actually. Um, in the episode before last, I actually gave an update about this couple. Well, the story just keeps going annoyingly.

So since I've already talked about this twice already, I'm going to, I'm going to keep this recap short. An older couple, like late 60s contacted us a while back um and i'm and i'm not using their age in a negative way okay i'm just trying to paint a picture here no face pics bare bones profile they kept checking out our profile on sd. Then they finally reached out. No introduction, no additional information, just one sentence. Are you free for dinner and conversation tonight?

And I'm paraphrasing because I honestly can't remember what exactly was said, but I responded very politely and said that we were not interested and wish them the best of luck in the lifestyle. They didn't respond, but I noticed they continued to check out our profile from time to time. So I already very clearly told them we were not interested. Well, recently they sent us another message on SDC. It simply said, any plans this evening? And I admit I was a little annoyed.

I was very clear and very polite about our interest level. now you're're, you're reaching out again to try and make plans with us. Seemingly, at least, I mean, why else would they ask any plans this evening? Well, I decided I was not going to waste my time any longer. So I just blocked them. And I figured that was the end of it. They would certainly get the point now. Well, on SDC, when you block someone, it immediately tells you that the block goes both ways.

Not only does it block them from seeing our profile and sending us messages, but it blocks us as well. Like we can't see their profile or send them messages. And the only way to reverse this is if both couples go into their blocked user list and unblock each other. Well, let me tell you, I was shocked when I logged on to SDC the other day and one of my notifications was that this couple unblocked me and the system was asking if I wanted to also unblock them. Are you freaking kidding me?

I don't think I have ever run into such a dense, clueless couple before in the lifestyle. I told them we weren't interested. Then I blocked them. And that still wasn't a big enough hint for them. And then what had to happen for me to get that message from the SDC system was they tried to click on our profile, saw that they were blocked, so they had to go to their blocked list, find us, and click on a button to request that we unblock each other. Thank you.

they had to go to their blocked list find us and click on a button to request that we unblock each other what in the hell read the room people if someone tells you they are not interested that's it don't be pushy and i i admit one of our absolute favorite couples, we turned down at first, but then agreed to meet them the second time they contacted us. And that ended up working out fantastic. They're like our best lifestyle friends now.

But there was a conversation, names exchanged picks exchanged we had good reason to not be offended and give them a second chance but this couple it's it's like they're glorified stalkers so again my advice is that if you are turned down, graciously walk away. But if you are the more persistent type and, you know, you have reason, you're motivated to try and reach out again. And you are turned down again or blocked. Please let it go. It's over. Walk away.

You are, you're not going to be a match for every single person or couple that you reach out to. So I'm just dumbfounded that this, that this couple, after all that would try to get unblocked. Just crazy. Okay, next anecdote. Occasionally, I do an episode, like a recurring episode, called Interesting and Infuriating Interactions. I think I've done, I think, four of them at this point. Eva and I mostly meet new couples through websites and apps.

So we end up having a lot of tales of interactions that happen to go off the rails or are just plain frustrating. So once I have a few to talk about, I do an episode and I talk about them. And during one of them, I spoke about a couple that contacted us from, they were also from the Dayton area. The woman did all the messaging. It was going great. and then she suddenly did a complete 180 and kind of went off on me a little.

I explained that Eva didn't participate in messaging until there was an in person meeting. And she was like, so let me get this straight. You expect me to just show up at a restaurant without ever having talked to your wife? Stuff like that. So I was like, whoa. And I just politely replied, it appears we are not a match. Best of luck. You know, something along those lines. But instead of walking away, then she questioned my honesty. And that pissed me off.

She said something like oh I bet I bet you don't even have a wife or or that your wife doesn't even know about you messaging me I blocked her that was on the SLS website and a while later I saw her pop up on the social page of a now closed lifestyle club located between Dayton and Cincinnati. And I blocked her immediately. Like as soon as I saw her pop up there, I was like, oh, I hit the button. I blocked her right away.

And I told Eva about it and she actually suggested that I unblock her so that she might happen to see our post and our profile and kind of think, oh, wow, she is real. We missed out. Well, 24 hours hadn't even gone by yet after I unblocked her, I received a message from her.

and she obviously forgot who we were because she introduced herself again and i replied back politely told her we had talked i i even called her out for getting angry with me she didn't remember me so i actually had the screenshots and showed her. Um, and then I even had Eva hold up a, uh, hold up their screen name so that, you know, and took a picture so we could prove that Eva was real and that she knew about all this.

Well, long story short, you know, uh, feel free to go back to to episode 24 if you want to hear the whole story she ended up getting really pissy with me again and I just said fuck this and blocked her done with that you know we had already turned her down we've already been through this it was not a match so I was done with her blocked her well i hadn't seen her or their profile pop up anywhere until recently i'm gonna i'm in a few uh lifestyle telegram groups one for people who live in ohio michigan kentucky and indiana and, and another for just Columbus, and then another one for just Cincinnati.

You know, those are the two largest cities closest to us. Well, a few weeks ago, guess who starts posting pics and introducing herself in all these Telegram groups? Yep, her. And her boyfriend. They were both active with Telegram accounts. Well, I immediately blocked both of them. But with Telegram, even if you block someone, you still see their posts. The blocks just prevent them from contacting you. And let me tell you, this woman likes to post.

Every day now, it seems, I have to see this woman and her posts, and her boyfriend's posts, which usually include pics of her. But I have to laugh a bit because I see all these people asking to message her, like DM her, and she publicly accepts. And it just makes me wonder how many other people out there are about to go through the same thing I went through and just get frustrated with her like I did. But what annoys me the most is that there's no way to avoid seeing her posts in the groups.

So every day I log in and there she is, usually naked, smiling at me or sticking her butt out at me. It's just, it's really, really annoying to not want to see someone, but I constantly see her, because unless I want to leave the group, and I don't, her posts are going to keep showing up. So I just put up with it and secretly hope that she's going to piss someone else off less kind than me when it comes to etiquette. And then that person will publicly go off on her on the Telegram chat group.

And if that happens, I will surely discuss it here on the podcast. And lastly, third anecdote. This is funny if you ask me. I got an email from a publicist of some kind. He wrote to me to ask if I was interested in having his client come on the podcast for an interview. He described his client as an up-and-coming musician from Brooklyn with a fresh sound.

He went on to say that his client would love to come on the show and talk about his upbringing, his musical background, his creative process, his songwriting, and his life as an emerging artist and and that's the short version it was a big long email all about this musician and like like 10 different suggestions for what an interview with him could include well i ignored it figured that would be the end of it but then I got a follow-up email the publicist asked if I had considered if I had considered featuring his client on my podcast actually it's it's short okay so let me just read it but but I won't include the artist's name, okay?

I'll just say Joe Smith. Hi, following up to see if you'd be interested in featuring Joe Smith, an independent musician from Brooklyn, on your podcast. He can share insights on his creative process, songwriting, and life as an emerging artist. Would you like me to coordinate the details? So here's what I responded. My podcast is about swingers, married adults who have sex with each other outside their marriage.

I don't see any reason why I would want to have Joe on my podcast or why he would even be interested. Best of luck. Please remove me from your email list. So, so kind of funny, but even funnier is what Eva said after I told her about what happened. She said, I should, I should have responded agreeing to have him on my podcast, but with the stipulation that he could only talk about sex. I wish I was as fast of a thinker as Eva, because that would have been hilarious.

I wonder what the publicist's response would have been. Excuse me. Okay, on to my St.rick's day story even i we knew months prior that we wanted to attend the saint patrick's day event at club princeton which is in columbus ohio we bought our tickets early got a table and i talked about the importance we place on uh getting a table I don't know what that meant, what EDM meant. So we had to look it up. Electronic dance music.

Definitely not the top musical choice of Eva or myself, but they sprinkled in some non-EDM music here and there, and after midnight, it went back to pretty much any genre. Other than that, it was a pretty normal night at the club in terms of attendance and atmosphere. But I will say, the luck of the Irish was about to rub off on us that night. Of course, I will explain. Eva and I faced a small conundrum prior to leaving for this event, something we had never run into before.

We knew there were two couples who wanted to hang out with us at the club. One couple we had played with once previously.

We met them at the New Year's Eve event, played with them a few weeks later, and then hung out with them at the Valentineine's day event we wanted to play with them again that night like valentine's day but mother nature interfered with eva so anyway there was that couple and then there was this other couple who we also met and hung out with on valentine's day but had never played with them.

So yeah, we had these two couples who really wanted to hang out with us, and by hang out, I mean wanted to play, and assumed we wanted to play with them. I think I might have misspoken there. Let me rephrase that. Two couples who we really wanted to play with and they really wanted to play with us. That's what I meant to say. So it went through our minds. Okay. Which couple did we expect to play with that evening? and was it possible to play with both of them?

And if it was possible, would we somehow do it separately? Like, you know, like one towards the beginning of the evening and the other later on? Or would it be possible for all six of us to play together we We were probably overthinking things, okay? But we wanted to be prepared. We had never been in this situation before where we might have to make a choice which couple to play with. And we certainly didn't want to offend anybody. We didn't want to offend either couple.

We liked them both and honestly, you know, wanted to hang out with both of them. We wanted to play with both of them. And that's where the luck of the Irish came through for us.

without us being aware of it the other two couples had actually been chatting and had gotten to know each other they had actually met at the valentine's party but even i had no idea as to the extent of their interactions but as it turned out they actually hit off pretty well and were uh they were actually interested in playing with each other as well we went about our evening you know talking laughing flirting drinking dancing like i said it was a fun evening but as the clock struck midnight Eva and I felt it was, you know, time to get down to business.

And I just have to say, I love it when Eva gets into this kind of mood, all right? She was raring to go. She took the lead. She talked to both couples inconspicuously and asked if they were interested in doing a six-person play session. And both couples were in. So that was conundrum number one solved. We were all going to play together at the same time. But now there was another conundrum. And there wouldn't even be another conundrum if it wasn't for me. I admit this.

As I have said many times before, I am not 100% comfortable playing at the club. I have anxiety issues for which which i take medication but it's often not enough for me to overcome like the you know overcome feeling uncomfortable playing in that type of environment the music is loud and it can be heard even in a private room The rooms are small and hot. The beds are uncomfortable. They have this hard, crinkly plastic covering over the mattress to protect it. So there's that.

And the mattresses are not in the best shape anyway. Plus, I'm a bit of a germaphobe and i worry about cleanliness and then one of my biggest complaints there is less privacy i like my privacy all right i like private clean comfortable environments for play where i can control the the lighting i could put on my own sexy playlist and not have to worry that someone is watching and don't get me wrong. Okay. There are plenty of people out there in the lifestyle who really enjoy being watched.

I'm just not one of them. And at club Princeton, there's this giant room with a wall of windows where you can sit and watch people play inside. And there are a bunch of beds in the middle. And then along the sides of this very large room, there are areas with beds that you can kind of close off with a curtain. And the curtains don't close the whole way. So if you were inside that big room, you can still see what is going on behind the curtains.

And let me describe the size of this area, this curtained off area-off area. It has a full-size bed, not a king, not a queen, a full-size bed. One side is pushed up against the wall. And the other side, there is less than two feet of space between the bed and the wall. So I hope you can kind of paint that picture in your head about just how tight it is. And we had six people. I knew if that is where we were going to play, it would be a tight, uncomfortable squeeze.

Well, I didn't want to be the one person out of six that was going to veto everyone else's good time one of the couples did have a hotel room even i did not we we could not spend the night because we we did not make arrangements to take care of our dogs and neither neither did the other couple because they only live 15 minutes away from the club Thank you. uh, take care of our dogs. And, uh, neither, neither did the other couple because they only live 15 minutes away from the club.

So it was either go back to the other couple's hotel or just play at the club. And that's what everyone except me, of course, wanted to do. but again, I was not prepared to ruin everyone's good time. It was still fairly early in the evening, and the couple that had the hotel room planned to stay at the club longer, like after we were done playing. They planned to stick around. so i had to either suck it up or be the buzz-killing party pooper of the group. And I did not want to do that.

I wanted to be honest, though. I expressed why I normally don't play at the club. I explained that I had only done it twice before, and one of those times was with eva who i'm obviously most comfortable with therefore this was going to be really my second time with someone other than eva and i was up front and honest about it you know i i said I said there was a chance that I would not be able to perform, but I was willing to give it a shot. The one couple with the hotel was, was very kind.

I mean, actually they're, they were both very kind about it, both couples, but, but the one with the hotel room said that if I couldn't get things going down below, we could leave and head to their hotel. So that made me, that made me feel a lot better. We had a backup plan, so I didn't have to be worried that I would be ruining everyone's night. The funny thing is that the only curtained off area available in that big room I mentioned earlier was the exact same bed where I had played before.

And I told that story way back in episode 32 with a very nice couple, some friends of ours that we call Jack and Kate. Feel free to go back and listen to that if you have not already episode 32 but anyway exact same bed the second we got into that big room I felt the nerves kick in full force it was the only bed available, There are people fucking all around us. No privacy at all. And a part of me wanted to just say, sorry guys, I can't do this.

And one of the other guys, one of the dudes in the couples we were with, he saw me starting to get nervous. It must have been very obvious to him because he patted me on the back and said, it's all good, man. Admittedly, this may have helped a little, a little bit may have helped a little bit, but not much. But now I was in too late to back out. And actually that, that is not true. Okay, that is never true in the lifestyle. Okay, you're always allowed to back out at any time for any reason.

If you are uncomfortable with any situation, you are able to back out. And you should be able to do it, no questions asked, with no one giving you any crap about it. But for me, I will admit, I really wanted to play. Especially with the woman I had never played with before. She was smoking hot, and we were obviously into each other. So dammit, I was going to tough it out and hope for the best. I was willing to try. And everyone knew. Everyone there knew about my anxiety.

And if I didn't, and if I couldn't ride to the occasion, no one would be upset with me, okay? We would just go to the hotel. So there was that. The play started out really hot, all right? All three of the ladies hopped on the bed naked. They, you know, took off their clothes, hopped on the bed, and started making out and touching each other. The three of us guys, we just stood there in the cramped space and enjoyed the show. After a few minutes, Eva decided that she needed some guy time.

While the other two ladies continued to play, Eva made her way over to us, where we were standing. She began sucking one of the guys' dicks while giving a handjob to me and the other dude. New fantasy unlocked.

In that instant, I knew that at some point, I wanted to have an evening where it was me eva and two other guys the uh the term gangbang gets thrown around a lot and i i know it has some negative connotations so i don't know if you would call what i'm hoping to do a gangbang but that's now on my bucket bucket list okay me two guys two other guys and eva and i talked to eva about that this later and she said she would really enjoy that too so i was thankful that this evening unexpectedly unlocked a new fantasy a new a new goal but i guess i'll i'll talk about that more in another episode so let me get back to uh this particular evening after after playing with the three of us for a few minutes like after after Eva played with the three of us, I decided I wanted to play with the other two ladies.

So I made my way over and considering the cramped space, I kind of like shimmied over to where the, where the other two ladies were on the bed. And I just started, you know, just kind of watching. And then I started touching and rubbing and caressing and fondling. All while I enjoyed the view.

Well, one of the ladies, the one I had played with before, decided to crawl over to where Eva and the other other two guys were leaving me with the other lady and there's there's nothing really super interesting to say about about the play experience except well she uh she had a she had a massive clitoris and i've i've never played with a woman with such a prominent clit before and it was very hot like easy to suck on i'd never experienced this before in my life so it was awesome but other than that, nothing too story-worthy, until she rode me.

We started off in the normal missionary position, but after a while, she asked me if she could ride me, and of course I obliged.

But right about that time, the people in the beds around us in that big giant room started getting pretty loud, which kind of made me aware of my surroundings again, which of course triggered my anxiety and I started getting soft she was on top of me and I kind of slid out of her I apologized and said that I was just in my own head right now and then she did something incredible. She stopped bouncing or grinding on me and just stayed still, like just kind of stayed still.

Her, you know, she stopped moving and leaned her body forward, uh, you know, pressed her boobs against my chest and her whole demeanor just, uh, changed. She started, uh, kissing me differently, like really slowly, almost, almost lovingly. I can't, I can't even, I can't think of another way to say it. So without saying a word, it was like, it was like she was saying, it's okay, you're fine.

And it kind of brought me back to the moment and allowed me to tune out all those surroundings and focus on her. And I got hard again. I said something like, how did you know exactly what to do to get me to rebound? And she replied, teacher's intuition. Because I don't think I mentioned this earlier, but she is a teacher like me. So from that moment, it was smooth sailing. Everyone seemed to have a great time, all six of us. But I do have a question. That was an orgy, right?

I mean, is six people an orgy? Is that like the minimum for it to qualify as an orgy? I don't think I've ever looked up the official definition of orgy, so we're calling it one. The only other noteworthy comment I'll make is that when Eva and I discussed the evening later on, she revealed that the woman's husband, like the teacher woman's husband, never actually fucked her. He never got hard enough to fuck either of the ladies.

Now, granted, he still pleased them both with his fingers and tongue. In fact, he made Eva squirt pretty good with his fingering. But he never actually fucked them. So there I was, worried as hell that I wouldn't satisfy the ladies because my anxiety would get the best of me and prevent me from getting hard. And it happened to the other dude. And you know what? No one seemed upset. No one seemed disappointed. So I tried to make this a lesson for myself.

That sort of thing happens, especially with guys around my age. I mean, we're not, we're not young anymore. Admittedly, we are not young people anymore. We are not in our sexual prime anymore. So this is more common than you think. So if you're a dude out there who worries about not getting hard in the moment, take it from me. All right. It happens. We, of course, don't want it to happen. It sucks when it happens. But it does. For a variety of reasons. And that's okay.

It is still possible for the experience to be enjoyable for the ladies involved, if that is what you were worried about. Think of it like going to a movie. Okay, you expect... When you walk into the theater, you expect to see a great movie. You expect to have an enjoyable experience. But sometimes the movie is disappointing. It's not what you expected. That doesn't mean every movie you see from then on is going to be disappointing. And while you're at the movie, you enjoy the popcorn.

You enjoy the previews. You enjoy the time spent with your wife. And then move on to the next movie. Because chances are the next movie will not disappoint. So I hope that that analogy kind of makes sense and that'll do it for me today. Hope you enjoyed today's episode. As always, you can hit me up with questions, comments, thoughts, and suggestions. You could reach me a variety of ways. And I think I may even need to consolidate at some point.

But for right now, you can find me on Blue Sky by searching for Evan Swings. You could go to swing.com and find my profile, which is Evan Swings Podcast, all one word, Evan Swings Podcast. And that's actually at swing.com and sls.com. You could find me on Instagram or kick by searching for my username, which is evandenson, that's all one word, E-V-A-N-D-E-A-N-S-O-N, or use old-fashioned email and contact me at ev Deenson at gmail.com. I do my best to respond to all listeners who reach out.

Just please be patient with me with so many different platforms and with being just a busy person in general. I'm not the best at checking them often. So just be patient. Until next time, please take care, everyone. Remember, be safe, be wild, be adventurous, and we only get one of them. So always live life to the fullest.