So fun being interviewed by The Daily Star for their online tabloid in the United Kingdom! I spoke about my entire Toronto Unicorn journey from single woman going to her first sex club at age 34 to full blown swinger and orgy director a few years later - all the while showing my journey on YouTube and via podcast. You can also WATCH to this via YouTube: https://youtu.be/cfqCaUxLemo LINK TO ARTICLE ON TORONTO UNICORN: https://www.dailystar.co.uk/real-life/im-swinger-whos-threesomes-orgies-31464885 ***** Get your free Swinger Lifestyle Starter Kit - learn what to expect, common mistakes to avoid, and how to walk into a sex-positive space without feeling out of place: 👉https://torontounicorn.kit.com/starterkitpodcast Ready to go deeper? Check out my full courses at LevelUpWithTorontoUnicorn.com ***** ALL social media links (YouTube, podcasts, fan page, etc): https://linktr.ee/TorontoUnicorn DIRECT link to my explicit TorontoUnicorn fan page: https://OnlyFans.com/TorontoUnicorn -- Sex Stories Podcast! https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/sex-stories-with-torontounicorn/id1695478072 🎙️Did you know I have multiple uncensored podcasts? Links: https://linktr.ee/TorontoUnicornPodcasts Want to hear girl talks and 1:1 interviews with single women who go to sex clubs? Check out my Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7ruCXHOhDqTegyco4vLA4y?si=4c13eb056ac44a67 -- Want to own something I wear, use, recommend or chuckle at? Check out my Amazon storefront! *affiliate links provide me with a small commission* 🇺🇸 Amazon storefront: https://www.amazon.com/shop/torontounicorn 🇨🇦 Amazon storefront: https://www.amazon.ca/shop/torontounicorn ***** Please rate this podcast 5 stars and leave a comment to help others discover it too :) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
You're about to get up close and personal with Toronto Unicorn. Sit down with me and Rhianna Smith from the Daily Star United Kingdom online tabloid where I talk about everything Toronto Unicorn, the swinger lifestyle, the journey I've been on and all of the lessons I've learned along the way. You can get a link to the actual article in the description of this video or podcast. So my name online is Toronto Unicorn.
In the middle of the COVID lockdown in Canada, which is where I'm from, we all had to find new ways to entertain ourselves. And so I had before the lockdown started, just started like dip my toe into the swinger lifestyle. And I felt absolutely robbed when it was all locked down. And so in a way to like use that time that we all had to like, you know, stay in our homes, I just decided to start making videos telling about my experiences at the sex clubs. And it was a hobby.
And, you know, after a few videos one of them kind of took off and kind of got blown up a little bit and then people suddenly were like, well, what's this lifestyle? And yeah, so then, you know, fast forward, I've been doing this for years now, just updating the lifestyle and the journey. And so tell me a bit about where the unicorn name comes from. All right. So in this swinger lifestyle, which is traditionally known as, you know, couples who like to swap partners with other couples.
So that's kind of the old school way of looking at the swinger lifestyle. The new way is there's lots of single people in the lifestyle. I like to put it this way to people who don't believe me. I'm like, well, you try and have a threesome with just couples and then you let me know when you figured out when singles are needed because mathematically you can't do that. So one of the things I like to do is identify the lifestyle is broad.
So the swinger couples are one piece, but the single women are unicorns. Now they're called unicorns because there's, they're rare. Let's be honest. It's rare to have single women floating around being like I am looking for this and then it's even more rare for that single woman to want to have sex with you and your partner or you you know singles or couples so they're called unicorns because they're rare.
All right so I was a sexually frustrated mid-30s woman I sincerely had had a 10-year sexual hiatus where I thought I was never getting sex again I literally didn't know if my time was up right and I remember my whole life I wanted a threesome I just wanted to have a threesome never had one I wanted to like have that experience with a girl and the whole time I thought I was waiting for my boyfriend or husband to do it with I thought I would be having a threesome as a couple with a single woman and it's scary to do this lifestyle alone but after 10 years of no luck and kind of dipping my toe back into the lifestyle of sex, I decided that I was done waiting for anybody to make it feel safe to do it on my own.
And that's when I realized that there is a role for single women, just like there's a role for single men in the swinger lifestyle. And it's scary. Like, I'm not gonna lie, it's scary. I might can I swear? Is that okay? I'm a vulgar girl. So I like to like let loose. So it's a little intimidating.
But when I decided that I wanted this experience more than I wanted to have it the way I thought I was gonna have it and so I walked in there one night after the last bad tinder date I was ever gonna have and I decided that was my night and so I did I went in and I met a wonderful couple and I was able to kind of have sex for the first time with a couple and and the girl and I walked out of there like you I was radiating like joy and happiness I felt like oh my god I didn't need anyone else I did this on my own and and i can do it again next week if i want to right so the the role itself was new to me but it's a very important role in the lifestyle and it's very sexually liberating as well that was in april of 2019 and it was in a sex club called oasis aqua lounge uh it's a aqua spa kind of thing uh in toronto ontario canada and again mid-30s i walked in there sober, not a drink in me, not a joint in me.
I was ready, like ready. And I think when I try to help coach other people to join the lifestyle, but not not if they don't want to just if they're embracing it. I like to tell people that yeah, it's gonna feel uncomfortable coming in like it is it's gonna feel like you're going out for dinner without a book to read and no one to sit with. And I think if you do that as practice, that's a good way to get comfortable going to a sex club alone. But I had to really work myself up for it.
And I think the advice that I give people about that is you get, you need to get pushed to a place where you need to decide if what you're doing is good enough. And if it's not, then what's the harm in trying a new way, even if it doesn't feel super great. Right. So, yeah. So I think that that's kind of my first experience was a threesome. I had another threesome a couple of weeks later.
And then funny enough, that's the video on YouTube that went viral was when I was very amateur, like very amateur.
and I was sitting down slurping talking with my mouth full like I was doing this on YouTube about talking about how brave it felt to like take the chance and like and so I think the video itself captured that innocent person having that conversion and I think for some for some people they related to it and so now that was many years ago now it's 2023 so I'm a seasoned swinger I've now had so many threesomes that I call them mundane and I don't mean that disrespectfully but you don't want you know the same thing all the time and so my journey has actually evolved from me being a single woman joining looking for threesomes and then having threesomes and having threesomes and then having foursomes and then realizing well what else is there right and so not only did I start having you know like more group things I actually started to help my friends fulfill fantasies as their orgy director so I am wearing a shirt that's orgy director I designed sex positive clothing on my website and it's a real thing that I've noticed that when you create the space a safe space for somebody especially women to say if you could have your fantasy fulfilled what would it look like and so I've gotten all sorts of requests and let me tell you I have served up many a gangbangs many orgies and it's because I knew the rules I kept the guys in line I kept the guys feeling good and safe as well because they're not just you know cattle were hurting and and uh and i remember at the end of these experiences seeing the women for the most part it's women um the glow on their faces the smile on their faces because they just did something they didn't think they'd ever do and that is the feeling that like even right now i get chills because that was what was in my veins that day i walked into that club and i was like i didn't think i could ever do this and then when you can you know it's inspiring and you want to help inspire others so yeah so the experience is funny enough having continued to shift.
Now I've even found that I'm joining more of the couple side. So I'm partnered with somebody, even though we're open. And so now we're looking for single women. And I'm like, Oh, honey, I got this. I got this. I know how to do this. Because I was the single woman. And I had the unpleasant as well as pleasant experiences with couples.
And I got so salty one day with an experience with a couple that I started making some it's like, more salty YouTube videos giving advice about how not to expect sex from us even if you like take us out for a drink like I'm like we're not your escort like so it got some real attention that way because I was speaking from this rare role of the unicorn where most of the swinger educators out there which are all doing a good their own work in a good way they just have a lot more of a couple's perspective and they're giving advice on like how to pick up women and And I'm and again, like some of it is good advice, but I'm the one I was a single woman.
Let me tell you what pisses us off. What gets us going like literally like it's it's so funny how some couples come in thinking where their human sex toy as a single woman instead of this rare, you know, opportunity that you should treat with with respect. And like, you know, it's just it's you would think it's one way, but I had to keep educating the community to make sure it was the way it was supposed to be in my head, you know.
So a couple of the experiences were couples who would expect so much of me as a single woman who didn't know them that it was ridiculous.
Like one of them that it was a safety concern is they live two hours north of me and I don't have a car so I'm in downtown Toronto with like city transit everywhere right and I hadn't met them yet and the girl had suggested that the next time her husband drives through Toronto that he could just pick me up drive me two hours north so that I could meet them and I was like okay but then how do I get home first of all and that's a little risky to be in a car with a man I've never met for two hours and what if I What if I go there and you don't like me?
And you're just going to like discard me. There's no Ubers out in butt fuck Idaho. So I was like this. It showed the lack of concern about my experience, my human experience versus what I could do for them. So that was one experience. So one thing about me as a swinger, I have to mention is that I'm demisexual, which means I need an emotional connection before I ever want to fuck someone. And that doesn't change just because I'm a swinger. I still am very selective.
I've let many opportunities pass by because I'm looking for a certain experience, right? So with some couples, they don't want to get that comfy. They just want, let's have the threesome. And so I remember telling this couple that, okay, like let's meet at a restaurant and have a drink first. Like, let's just see if we can have that go well. And he's like, all right, well, let's just get one close to your place though. And I was like, well, I'm really not sure I play on the first date.
So let's just leave it to the restaurant. And then he had suggested a few minutes later, well, make sure I shower right beforehand so that I'm fresh when they when they come over after. And I was just like, this guy has done nothing but pressure me to fuck them when I have literally said, like, let's just see how it goes. Let's see what happens. And that's when I called it off because I was like, you guys don't care about my comfort level.
I've literally how is that going to go in the middle of sex? Right. Other experiences were, you know, maybe a couple didn't talk about their boundaries in advance. And so I've had one experience where the girlfriend had decided to give her boyfriend a threesome for a birthday, which is, in my opinion, a big fucking no, no, like, don't do it. And so I, you know, it was going well, until I started riding him. And I could feel as if the air got cold in the room, that girl turned really pissed off.
And I remember like, I was bouncing and I like slowed down. And I'm like, do I stop? Like, what do I do? Right. And then I get off after it's over. I have literally baked cookies for them because like my threesomes are like fun date nights. Right. And they before the sweat had dried off her body, she asked to go. And I was like, OK, so that was it. And then they broke up a few days later. And I'm like, this is not what I thought it was going to be. I don't want to feel guilty. Right.
But the truth is some people do this lifestyle for the wrong reasons. And I think it. a reality moment can come. And that's why I like to vet couples and make sure they've actually fucked single women before I will fuck them again. Why do you not recommend Threesomes as birthday presents? Because the person who's giving that might not be okay with it, even though they want to be giving a gift. And so the reason would be if it can really hurt.
If you are open to swinging and you see your partner smile at a certain way at another woman, it's almost like you get shot. Like, you get shot with this jealousy bullet, and you are triggered, and I can see that for people in this lifestyle, we have to still negotiate these feelings.
Even though we're swingers, it doesn't mean we don't experience some negative feelings here and there, but for someone who's not into this lifestyle, who's just trying to give it as a gift, they might not be emotionally or mentally prepared for what it's actually going to feel like, and then that can cause, as in this story, real, like, trauma even right? And you know, you've kind of been in this lifestyle for quite a few years now.
So how many couples would you say you've had sexual experiences with? So I do have a spreadsheet. Don't judge me, but I do. I know who I fucked with and in what order. But I would say I would say under 10, like under 10 total. I think I moved on. I was satiated with the threesomes and then I was like, what else is there? So then I had foursomes and fivesomes, which are orgies, right? And things like that. I would host sex parties in hotels with a very small invite only group of people I knew.
And then I would actually have my own orgy. There is one thing I have never done though. And it's hilarious because of what I do and help my friends get gang banged. I have never had a gang bang for myself. So I help other people get gang banged and I'm too much of a picky demisexual sexual girl to let any random guy in my mouth. So it would have to be like three specific guys that I like carefully chose. So, you know, one day maybe, but that's the one I haven't done yet.
So I am a little humbled because as a single woman, I was out there on my metaphorical soapbox being like, you and your fucking rules, couples, no kissing, no, you know, what no anal, no whatever. And I was a little upset because the couples that I would be matching with would have all these rules about what I wasn't allowed to do. No kissing or no cum shots in my body, just only in the way for, or whatever.
And I, as much as I did like respect their boundaries and everything, I would sometimes in my, in the back of my mind, roll my eyes. Like, come on, it's sex. Let him fuck me how he wants to. I'm going home after You never have to see me again. It's fine. But now that I'm in the couple side sometimes and I'm looking for that experience, I have all the feels too of, oh no, how do I protect this love, this thing, so that it isn't ruined with this risk?
And so now I've become a bit humbled to why couples might establish some boundaries and rules about no hand-holding and only with certain women that they don't know or certain women who For example, my guy that I'm with right now is totally allowed to have other experiences with or without me, but only with lifestyle women because other ones have an agenda. Lifestyle women can negotiate like responsible people for the most part, the limited nature of an arrangement.
And so, yeah, so for me, I still have the feelings though. Like I'm still wondering how to process it.
And so the guy I'm with right now, I'm like, okay, so reassurance before and after, because i'm going to feel weird and then i also realized that the other person needs reassurance too so just because i'm having an anxiety it doesn't mean the other person isn't too and so sometimes it's important to say just because i'm having a weird feeling doesn't mean you did anything wrong right so there's ways to work through it so funny enough my journey has changed so much since 2019 that i had now actually i'm coaching um some of my podcasts are about onboarding people to the lifestyle as a couple because i'm on boarding a man who had never he still hasn't had a threesome i'm taking my time uh hasn't had a threesome yet and uh i'm pretty experienced as a swinger and so i am trying to slowly bring him on board to not overwhelm him and in this process i've realized the educational value of sharing my experience of these are the bad feelings i got and this is what we worked through and like you know this is what our next challenge was so i'm still kind of working it through but um the jealousy my best advice about it is if you're single, you can still have jealousy.
It's just usually with other singles that have like, fuck that guy last week and now he's fucking that girl this week and does that mean I'm not as special? Like that's a different jealousy. But the jealousy for couples, I would say is there's this thing called like reclaiming sex that is controversial because of the word claiming. But a lot of couples like to reconnect after they've shared their partner that night.
So make sure that they reconnect, they have that sex, again, they hold each other and they kind of close the loop of what they've opened. So that's the kind of way that I can say you can containerize an experience so that the jealousy doesn't, you know, it doesn't last too long. You're going to reconnect with that partner. You're going to make them know that you were only gone for a minute, you know, kind of metaphorically, things like that.
But the desensitization of jealousy is truly the gift because the more you, especially in a swinger, ethical non-monogamy, the word ethical I'm underlining and bolding here, because like there is unethical people everywhere but in this lifestyle I don't fuck married men if their wives don't enthusiastically encourage it right I if I met a married man whose wife was at home and didn't know I'd pass because it died I don't need it I would rather have an experience with somebody who's in this lifestyle ethically so that's what I really like is that with this lifestyle you can become more comfortable in it knowing how ethical it is knowing that it is a negotiated recreational activity you know where that's different than polyamory, right?
Where swinging and polyamory are sometimes confused. Polyamory is like the multiple loves, multiple relationships of the heart. Swinging is not. Swinging is one either, well, you could be a polyamorous swinger, but anyways, it's more about whether the sex is with other romantic partners. And the answer is no. With swinging, it is recreational sex. Sometimes it's with friends, which is my case, because I can't have sex with strangers or with strangers or with escorts or whoever.
So yeah, sometimes the jealousy can be located and pinpointed. And so you can just alter, you know, some of those details. Like, for example, if somebody's worried, it'll be weirded, it'll weird them out, do it with a stranger. Like, don't do it with somebody you're going to see again at like the PTA meeting or something like. So yeah, there's a little there's ways that you can mitigate that feeling as well.
When it comes to couples specifically, how do you think swinging impacts their relationships so everyone maybe swings for a different reason i i want my guy that i'm with right now to fuck other women i i enjoy it it's one of the things that i i'm unique a bit amongst my friends that i genuinely want to see them fuck uh some of my friends do it more to be like you know nice girlfriend or whatever um but still kind of in it so i think that one of the things that i get out of it is keeping yourself alive and that fire in the inside out so i did study psychology and I did always have this theory about you know when people let themselves go so to speak and it's also when you stop being sexually competitive right and if you are suddenly going to be judged by other couples for your sex appeal suddenly you might you know shave that pubic hair once in a while or like you know buy some new pantyhose or a new little mini skirt to wear to the club and so it can keep that vibrate like that vibration inside of us that vibrance of needing to be sexually interesting and appealing to the opposite sex and that's gonna help at home too right that's gonna bring that fire home so I think that's one of the things but also variety one of the things I cannot do for a variety of reasons is swallow come and my guy that I'm with I think I would love to see it another girl swallow with come would love it because then I know he's getting it I don't have to do it and that's a good day so for some of us it's to fill some for fantasies or things that maybe we couldn't do on our own as well.
The things you'll notice about my journey on YouTube specifically is I'll stand with all these swingers and I'm the only one who's going to say my name and show my face. So my journey has been to try and show this world to people, even if it's still secretive. And yeah, as a way of kind of inviting people in who I like to call are stuck in mainstream society or what we like to call vanilla world, because some of those people don't know these worlds and these communities exist.
And I didn't until I was in my mid-30s, and then the rest of my life changed. So, yeah, so my mission has been to tell my stories and introduce people to the lifestyle that would have never known about it. And, you know, ultimately, how do you think it's changed you as a person? I have fell in love with a body I couldn't accept for years. by just being around people who are non-judgmental in every way.
And so it has changed my ability to be comfortable in my own body, in my own space, to be more recognizing and acknowledging of my own sexual kinks or even fluctuations. So something I've noticed in the last few years is that I've gotten more into dominant, submissive role play. And I had never even considered that for most of my life. So it has changed my, my openness of what I'm exploring, but also things that I never imagined exploring are now fascinating to me.
So I think if what it did is unlock whatever doors that I had closed and just let myself exist without a shame with, you know, if I want a gangbang, great, if I want this, great, but it's up to me. And suddenly, you know, it makes the whole world feel like, well, let's just keep knocking things off our list. Let's fulfill other goals. It kind of brings us motivation.
One of the things I've noticed about every single woman I have interviewed on my podcast who has joined the Swinger lifestyle is the same, is the change in their love for their body and their non-judgmental attitude even towards themselves. So it is a gift to come into this lifestyle and leave that invisible, I guess you could say shield even you wear between you and the world and sink into your own skin. I do some private coaching.
I do Zoom coaching for some Swinger couples who are trying to get it right. And I remember this one girl, she's like, you know, I've got this skin, skin tag on my leg and I don't show it to anybody. And I was like, all right, well, you're going to have to thrive with it. So let's talk about it. Let's get comfortable because I get, I was like, I guarantee you no one is going to care about that as much as you do.
And if you learn to exist with it, right, then you'll realize that it was, you were the only one holding yourself back. And so from what I understand, she did. And she felt, she felt like free for the first time that her body wasn't this shameful thing. Same with people. who have cesarean section scars, right? And maybe their body doesn't look the same post-children and they're worried about, you know, maybe I've got to hit the gym before I come to the club.
And if I could yell the word no loud enough, I would. No, you fucking don't. You come in the body you have today as is and you will learn to love it the way it is and thrive in it. Because that's the experience that is not just for me, not just for my female friends, but for all of the people I know, including Arnold Lane, which was an example, and other men. It is a comfort in your body that I don't know how else you'd ever get. And you talk very openly online about your experiences.
And what kind of response have you gotten from that? Well, obviously, there's always going to be people who push back and have a really strong opinion about what I'm doing. And that's going to come with any territory. But the thing is, the reason that this lifestyle and this journey for documenting this journey is still going to be in my heart for so long is the lives that I have changed.
I have met people who keep coming up to me in the locker room at the sex club saying, thank you for what you do. And then they'll tell me their story. Some of the stories are people who, um, I like to tell this story because she was a woman who was a fan of mine and she was sitting beside me, um, at the club and she was in this beautiful black lingerie that I think I also owned anyway. So she was, uh, she said it was her first time there.
And she looked at me and she said, I would never, ever have ever worn anything like this.
And she looked great in what she was wearing and she said but you are the same size as me and you wore it on youtube and looked like you deserved to and she's like and i thought if you could do it why can't i and to this day i get goosebumps thinking about it because she was there she was living her better life as a result of seeing someone shamelessly flaunt her curvy body in in lingerie on youtube so that's a small example but the journey and the changes that i've helped people making their lives.
I do interview a lot of individual swingers from the lifestyle on my sex and swinging with trying to unicorn podcast. One of them is named Arnold Lane. He was a middle aged man, overweight, balding, thought his best years were behind him. He was a paid fan of mine. So again, he gets some additional coaching. And he did decide to come to the club one night when he knew I was going to be there. And he felt safe. He came. It was a social experience.
He wouldn't take his shirt off for a while because he's not comfortable like that and then then after a while you take it off and like that's what I see is that these people are taking literally in front of me metaphorically and physically the layers that they kept between them and their in the world they wanted to be in the life they wanted to live and so by the end of that night that man was having the time of his life since then he has gone to all sorts of clubs and then also traveled to other countries to explore the spinner lifestyle so I did interview him on my podcast to tell his story and And in his own words, he explains the feeling of finding a sense of belonging in a lifestyle, regardless of what your body looks like, regardless of what you think you bring to the table, that there is room for you.
And it's not too late to just, you know, start and build a whole new life and whole new friend group. So again, those are just a few examples. But the reason I love this and do this is it changes lives and it sets people free, especially from the shame that they were for many people learned to associate with sex. learn to shame other women. That was something I had to learn or unlearn is to stop de-shaming women who fuck a lot of men.
As outgoing and liberated as I am, I was still a product of my own culture. And I remember when I was new in the lifestyle, I would look at those women taking all those men and I would look at them a little differently than I do now. Because it takes time to decondition and to unlearn that women who fuck a lot of men are not dirty and they're slutty if they want to be. because that's a deering term in our lifestyle.
But it doesn't make them devalued and it doesn't make them less of a woman or less attractive or less lovable or less deserving of love. And I think not everyone knows that. And I think my journey here is not just to show this lifestyle and be all scandalous. It's to also help people take a different mindset and stop looking at people as well as themselves through the lens of shame. And man, does that change lives. I know when it comes to your partner as well. How did you meet?
Was it through the Swinger Lifestyle, I assume? Funny enough, he was actually a viewer of my channel and reached out to me because he had actually been a DJ at another club and he wanted to introduce me to do a video tour there. And so he was just a fan. He was a diehard fan. He had watched all my videos. So when I met him, you know, he was very charming to be able to, you know, talk about my experiences. Anyways, we actually were just friends for almost a year.
We had never kissed, never anything.
then and then you know things change sometimes but the truth is like he came at me he found me from my online experiences but always knew me as Sarah instead of Toronto unicorn and we felt like for each other in a really real way like kind of behind the camera - not in front of it for a change so he was a fan but he's he's the guy now he's the right guy yeah thank goodness we've been together about five months now and It's just, it's funny because in this lifestyle, a single woman having sex with all these people, like not all these people, but I thought, yeah, I don't know what guy out there is going to accept this about me, especially because I'm, I'm putting my name out there.
I'm, I'm literally showing my sex life, like literally on YouTube. Like I can't show the sex on YouTube, but I'm talking about it. And I thought, well, what guy would really accept that? And so when this guy came around and he looked at me with such pride of what I do, instead of judging me for anything about it.
It made me realize that, you know, maybe he was the real unicorn in the whole experience, the guy who could come in and look at what I do and be proud of me and love what I do and embrace it. So he was, yeah, he was a viewer turned very important guy to me. Yeah. And now that you have, you know, a partner, could you ever see yourself in a monogamous relationship or do you think that swinging will always play an important part of your life?
So I do have a lot of friends in this lifestyle that I interview and a lot of them are leaning towards polyamory and that kind of stuff. And I'm the one oddball out there that's like, I'm in an emotionally monogamous relationship right now and I'm happy there. I don't want another romantic partner and I want him to be my focus and mine to be his. And so swinging is always going to be, in my opinion, the limit. But do I see myself not swinging someday?
Yeah, but it doesn't mean that I won't still be in the lifestyle. So I might go years without ever swapping or whatever, but I'm still in a swinger lifestyle. Does that make sense? Yeah. So you spoke about kind of that role of people's fantasies. And what do you generally see as the most common ones that people come to you with? All right. So this is fascinating. First of all, it's mostly gangbanks, multiple men on them. Some of them want them in a row. So not all at the same time.
They want to stream of penetration. So when one guy's done, the next guy comes in. That's kind of common for some people. Some of them want the feeling of overwhelm and touch sensation. So some of them will ask to be blindfolded and have all of the men touch them, even if it's just their arms and their legs, while other people are like fingering them or whatever. They want to disappear in the feeling of touch. So that's something that almost every one of them has asked for.
I think all of them have um have definitely wanted the sensual touch but funny enough some of them didn't want to speak to the men some of them wanted them to speak to me and i speak to the men and if the men had a question the men were to ask me and i was to ask her so this is interesting that they're in their fantasy the men were not to interact with her she was just the meat she was just the like she wanted to dehumanize herself in a way i'm assuming in in her fantasy to have it fulfill the way she wanted and so i let them drive those decisions because it's their kink it's their thing that they've envisioned right so and then one of the things that has taken off is a sharpie marker where we write on their asses every time and these girls at the end of it go and take a photo in the bathroom of their ass and they are so fucking proud of that something that I did notice that kind of got me into the role was that I noticed that there's a lot of sex clubs that have single men theme nights so that you can go and have these fantasies fulfilled and the theme night that i go to is called down to fuck night it's at oasis aqua lounge there's other theme nights at other clubs but i noticed that when some other people wanted to fulfill fantasies they would talk to the men in a very dehumanizing way they would also potentially reject that man if his dick didn't perform very well regardless of how that would hurt that man's feelings i just i think that they don't think they have feelings right i'm an empath i feel energy i simply was watching this thinking these poor guys are also nervous.
Some of them came alone to a sex club and are just as nervous as anyone else would be. And here they are being treated like their dick is the only thing that matters. I had an issue with it. And so that's why I decided when I was running a scene, the men and again, I want to say men and women, it's everyone in between, right, trans everyone. But I like to make it their experience too. And so what I do is I coach the guys in advance. And I was like, well, what are you looking for?
And well, this guy wants to eat the girl out. Well, this guy doesn't. And sometimes it's about ordering because some guys want to eat a girl out, but not after there's another dick in it. So you have to start. It's like a job, right? Where you're like, okay, you go first, you start here and then like, you know, so I've really had a lot of fun helping the guys fulfill their vision of it as well. And one of the most important parts of this is when that guy's dick does go down.
I treat them so humanely because it happens to everybody, but in a gang bang, it's still a problem. but it doesn't mean I need to treat that man terribly, right? So I create a fluffer zone where the guys are allowed to go and just like work on themselves. Or I say, maybe you go visit the girl's mouth and like get a blowjob while she's taking another man's dick. So I'm like a workflow analyst. Like I'm just like plugging holes instead of rejecting people.
And I remember there's a story I like to tell. And because I tell all these stories on YouTube and podcasts, by the way, every single time I go and have a crazy experience at a sex club, you best believe I overshared that with him. any shame or hesitation, mostly on my podcast, where they don't censor me. But yeah, no, it has been so surreal that this one guy is a paid fan, which is why he got like VIP coaching for me at the club. But he was a paid only fan. And he had some challenges.
His dick wasn't really working out. He was trying to fulfill this gangbang role. And I kept putting him to the side in a good way. Like, okay, well, you hang out over there, we're going to pull someone in. Then when he would like say he's ready, we would put him back in the spot. He did need a few attempts at that before he was able to fully like fulfill his fantasy. But the good news is he did.
And the way he looked at me after was, and after he washed his hands, he shook my hand and he said, thank you. And it was like, yeah, because he wasn't useless because his dick didn't last the whole time or like the way it does in porn or whatever. And he didn't have to go home feeling terrible. He went home feeling like a man, like amazing because I treated him like a human.
And I think that's why I do the orgy directing is because it's a very holistic but wholesome experience for the humans involved, not just the gangbang queen as we like to call them. Is it something you get paid to do or do you just do it because you enjoy it? I do not get paid to do it. I think there'd be a lot of legal reasons why I shouldn't, especially because it's inside another business.
So I've always done it for free, but for mostly either people I know or very special fans that come up and have watched my channel and basically you know, got my heart that I helped them, you know, fulfill a fantasy. And it's true. Another example is a female fan who came up to me at the club. And she said, look, I'm in an asexual marriage. My husband stopped fucking me a long time ago.
We're at that place where he's agreed that I'm allowed to go and open our marriage, but don't tell him anything about it. And so she needed my help. And she was rusty. And I mean, rusty to the point where she didn't know how to flirt.
She didn't know how to interact with a guy like that again and I noticed the level of assistance she needed was different than somebody else that I had helped and so what I did was I partnered her with a guy that I know that was you know as sexual at the sex club he's like fucks a lot of women but you know he's good at reliable experiences and so I coached him to say she doesn't know what it's like to have a man touch her and feel good like I was like this as a woman I'm telling the man who's about to touch her how to make her feel amazing and and so he wants to do a good job right so then he goes flirts with her you know has an experience and so while they're starting their experience like i'm still there because sometimes i actually am present for the sex even if i don't participate um 100 of the time i don't participate it is just the direction of the the role right is a bystander so i remember we were playing like truth or dare to like get her started and i said oh why don't you kiss his nipple and she did not know what to do and she like, well, what, like just lick it or like she like, again, and this is a middle aged woman, right?
And so again, I realized, okay, we're gonna have fun with this. I'm like, well, why don't you show her how to do it? And then we just switched the roles, got her a little bit more comfortable. So she did have sex with somebody that guy that night. And she thanked me for it later, because she didn't know how she's going to get that mountain climbed right on her own.
And I suggested to her that she bring her husband home, like take out something I said, Because when you come home with something after having that freedom that he's granted you and it shows that you thought about him when he wasn't around, that psychologically will do a lot. Because I have a psychology background too. So I'm like therapy coaching these people as well as sexual coaching them. And so she now fast forward, it's been at least six months. I see her at the club once in a while.
She's thriving. She says that her husband at home is treating her better just because she's coming home with a bit more swagger in her step. And she's thriving. she's with all these partners and having a great time. So, so it's what I do as an orgy director isn't limited to like group gang bangs and things. Sometimes it's helping sexually coach somebody back to life. Oh, it is everything. This is the biggest shock about the swing lifestyle, but also the biggest blessing is the community.
It is a lifestyle. So when you meet other swingers, you already know they're sex positive. 90% of the time they're the nonjudgmental and it accepting people. Who doesn't want to have those people around, right? So the community itself is the reason this lifestyle for me is worth shouting from the rooftops like I do on my YouTube channel and my podcast because I have met my best friends, friends that I've never slept with.
Some of them are female, male, because of this lifestyle, because they were sex positive and joined this lifestyle. I was sex positive. We found each other at the clubs and became best friends, even if we don't swing together. So there's so much in this lifestyle about finding what I like to call your tribe, your lifestyle tribe, and just feeling like you're a part of a community versus whether or not you actively engage in sex with others.
- And do you think there's anything else that people outside of the Swing and community might find surprising about it? - I think that there's a lot of singles, like there is, and especially in sex clubs that thrive and they don't need couples. Singles can match with other singles. Singles can make groups of people together.
And I think that's what a lot of people when they think of the swinger lifestyle, they don't know that they think it's couples swapping with couples like the old school full swap or soft swap, you know, that's the limit.
But I think when people really realize that there is room for everybody in the sex positive swinger lifestyle, even if you're a single, even if you were partnered, and now you're a single like some of the women I've met recently at the clubs who've said, you know, I joined this lifestyle when I was partnered, and then we've got divorced and she's like, well, your videos as a single woman helped me believe that I could keep going and so she was then you know swinging around it's a stripper pole having the time of her life so it's nice to see that people see their space for single people here too yeah it's a great question because it is it's always the thing that people are like oh it's not what I thought I thought it was sex against the walls you walk in people are having sex everywhere I thought you had to participate I didn't know if you if I would feel safe like not not physically safe but just like emotionally safe because I knew they had security so then when I walk in depending on what time you go if you go at 1 a.m.
on a Tuesday night at Oasis it's a zoo it's a sex zoo but if you go at 1 p.m. on the same day it's a spa so people are just suntanning right maybe there's a blowjob in the corner maybe there's not And so it does depend on when you go and what theme night. But when I went in, it was a bunch of people who are in a good mood, who are some of them are still clothed, having a social experience. And yeah, there's sex that happens later in the evening.
But it's with people who are, in my opinion, lucky to find someone to have sex with. It's not this big peer pressure environment where you have to participate. One of the biggest pillars of these lifestyles is consent.
And so no means know and there is no second ask and so it's enforced by the lifestyle staff as well so that makes us single women specifically feel safe but also everyone else right um i've heard a couple complain recently on a thread i'm on that you know just because you're a single woman doesn't mean you can touch us without consent and i was like damn right you can't you can't just because you're a hot commodity doesn't mean you can violate someone else's boundaries so yeah i think the expectation was that i wouldn't have as much control and that that was wrong i went in and felt very safe uh i love being able to participate by just existing in the environment i could watch people have sex i never ever had to participate that maybe surprised you or you know just that you yeah you didn't know before i wish your questions are phenomenal because there is these really important nuggets that you're pulling out that are really helpful one of them is called don't yuck somebody else's yum if you don't like something, shut the fuck up is my nice way of saying it.
Because in the lifestyle, just because you're not into something doesn't mean you're allowed to say it gives shame to the people who are or say something. So if it's if it's within the legal bounds, I'm saying, right. So if, for example, if you were at the club, and you see somebody, you know, in a dominant submissive role play session, and you don't agree with it, that's on you to either leave, or to just not say something, right.
So it would be incorrect for that person to be like, Oh, like even to their partner, well, that's ridiculous. I'd never do that. They will actually be asked to leave by the club staff. You cannot shame someone just because you're not into what they're into.
And so the phrase of don't yuck somebody else's yum is a really good way to live because when you stop judging the people around you because they vary or are different, it's a way of living, it becomes, and you can carry that with you even outside of the sex clubs. And then going back to the sex clubs, what would you say is kind of, the craziest thing you've witnessed? So this is again, wonderful question. This week, I put a video on YouTube that blew up again.
Now I haven't had a video take off like this in years. It is about a 13 person orgy I saw at the sex club last week. I don't, I've never seen anything like that. And I've been going to sex clubs for years. So I was there. I, you know, we went upstairs for a tour, which is kind of where the sex happens at the Oasis Aqualine sex club.
and we saw this group of people who were there for a birthday party come upstairs together and so me and my friends were like let's just wait this one out so we because we call it perv tours where we go upstairs trying to look at people like there's no shame in this game right we like to watch so we see them all sit together and then we see them start to like randomly kiss and like touch whoever was near and we're like oh my god we all got front row seats and we watched 13 people Now, it was fascinating.
We saw, you know, different scenes interacting separately, but beside each other. And then the swapping of partners was very fluid. When people were done, like there was cum shots, people would cheer, first of all. And then when they would get off the bed to leave, other people would join in their spot. So it was like 13 people, but with turnover.
So I do talk about it on YouTube as well as my podcast and stuff but that was a 13 person orgy hold your fucking horses man literally don't come in there thirsty for sex don't come in there looking at who's gonna suck your dick because it's a turnoff this club and this lifestyle and community yeah there's gonna be people who are more easier to have sex with than others but what I think people need to realize is that just because you can fuck in a sex club doesn't mean you're going to.
You still need to do the work of finding somebody who thinks you're interesting, who thinks you're attractive. Maybe you then have a drink together. Maybe you have a couple, you know, tokes and a joint outside. There's so much that still needs to happen before the sex. And I think that's what some people don't realize is you can go to a sex club and not hook up even if you plan to, even if you spent $100.
And that can be really hard for some people to understand and grasp if they go in with extra And the best advice I can ever give to anyone who goes into a sex club is to not go in with expectations because you don't know. Even if that place is filled with people, you might strike out. It might not be the right vibe. And if you go in there hoping for something and you don't get it, it'll ruin your mood.
If you go in there with an open mind about whatever happens, happens, you're going to just have a good night. Sometimes you'll still strike out, but maybe you met somebody that now you've connected with on Facebook that you want to share recipes with. whoever, whatever it is, it could be something special. But if your expectation was threesome and you've got friend, well, that can feel like not a good experience. So definitely to not go in with expectations as well.
I think that was one of the things I wanted to ask you. There's a couple of bits that I want to check with you before I let you go. And you've mentioned the Oasis lounge a bit, but what's the sex club scene like in Canada? Is there that many around? So I'm lucky that in Toronto, there's like four, there's four of them within like an hour drive or less. And so that's we're spoiled.
There's other provinces that don't have any, especially in the United States, there's some states like a lot of them are underground because they've got some conservative laws about these kind of things being in existence. So the Swinger lifestyle and sex club lifestyle does vary from experience to experience from club to club.
One of the clubs in Toronto is a little bit outside of toronto and so you get uh what you what i would sit or you know a more local crowd versus the touristy crowd that oasis which is downtown toronto would gather so people should do the research figure out the clubs i actually on my website torrentounicorn.com i have a breakdown of the sex clubs around me with the video tours that i've done oh i don't think i mentioned that uh one of my favorite things that i've ever done is take a video camera inside these sex clubs when they were closed with permission and recorded the whole layout so that I could show people everything that they would need to, you know, feel safe when they walked in.
Like, what did the lockers look like? What does the bathroom look like? The pool, things like that. So I have those on my YouTube channel, as well as like a breakdown of like the etiquette and like the attire and things like that. And what's your favorite one? Well, that's political, isn't it? I would say that the reason I'm going to say Oasis Aqua Lounge is because there's no loud music all the time. So it's more of a social club. You can talk to people. You can get to know people.
The other clubs that I like to go to are the X Club and Mississauga, which is just a little bit west of Toronto. And I love that you can dance the night away with a kick-ass DJ and stripper poles and then move the party to the back room later if that's what you want to do. So in that club, they separate sex from the party or at Oasis. It's all intermixed. So there's different vibes at different clubs. But I like the Oasis because there's not a lot of loud activity going.
Otherwise, I would probably pick X Club next. And do you find that there's a typical kind of swinger crowd? Or is it all quite diverse? It is diverse. I think the age ranges are kind of like maybe mid-20s to, I would say, mid-60s. But with outliers, of course. And I think a lot of body types. So people sometimes.
picture, you know, the hard bodied people or the or the, you know, the overweight people are the only people at least you'll get everybody, you'll get everybody across section of everybody. And so depending on the club you go to is the clientele. So I have some friends that are she likes to call herself the brown girl of the group. But she's like, Sarah, there's a lot of white people here about one of the clubs that we were in. She's like, I'm like, Oh, I didn't notice.
She's like, Yeah, you wouldn't have. And I was like, Well, that's kind of true. But she would have, right. So I sometimes need to remember the perspective I offer, you know, is that white girl, like this is my perspective. So I love the diversity, but I don't know if everybody feels as represented in the different clubs. I think you also should take into account the local area that the club is in. Yeah, I love talking to you too. I really appreciate you reached out. It was fun. You too. Thanks.
