(NOW ON VIDEO IN SPOTIFY) #69-The Nudelyweds provide valuable swinger lifestyle advice and stories as the most experienced swinger couple I've ever met (together 35 years)

Transcript

Speaker1: Hey everybody it is Toronto Unicorn here with uh Mr. and Mrs. Newlyweds. Hello. Hi. Back again. This is in the Toronto Unicorn studio. What do you think? Take a look around. Is this what you thought it would be? The lair. The lair of the unicorn. I love it. I only ever get to see one little sliver of it online. I don't get to see. Now I know what I'm looking at. It's true. Yeah these are the things I usually like you know cuddle when we do the virtual events and stuff. They actually get to go home with their very own penis pillow, too. Oh, my God, are you really carrying that on a plane? Oh, yes. I will be flying back to California with this in my life. It's a neck pillow. You could just wrap it around. There it is. Last time we got on the plane, she was wearing an Oasis sweatshirt. Yes. The steward goes, nice sweatshirt. As we walked past, they gave it away. Really? Nice sweatshirt. And then kept coming over and trying to talk to her. Yeah, he said, my partner are going next weekend it was cool that is cool when i walk the streets of toronto i wrap my oasis sweatshirt around my waist because i'm always hoping that somebody will say something and does it happen not really not yet not like that first time we walked down the street and someone said are you toronto unicorn it was amazing that was your first ever visit here and, like, lugging my stuff to come and interview you, and this, like, random fan on the street was just, at first he tried to get me to go down an alley with him, and I was like, no, I'm not doing that. And I was standing right there, too. Yeah, and he was shy. I think he was trying to, like, separate me from the herd so that I could get, and I was like, no, dude, I don't care what you have to ask me, you know? So that you know so that was quite that was fun or maybe not out you to us like what if i was your big sister or something yeah i'm like oh maybe i never thought are you kinky in real life and i don't know it that's respectful because that actually comes up as some of the rules of swinging is how to not out somebody or if you're at a swing club and you see somebody from your regular life not out them or if you see somebody on the street from your swinger life how to not out them both directions family at that moment it could be with a work colleague at that moment it's a very good point and i actually do want to drill into this topic i've got a request from a top fan that uh is is curious in the lifestyle and wants to know what do you do when you run into someone you know because Because for some people, that's their biggest fear, and it's enough for them, if it happens, to never go again. And I want to really make a mindset shift here, because it's like when you find someone else at Comic-Con, it doesn't make you not want to talk to them anymore. It makes you want to talk to them about Comic-Con. You can bond over these things. So if I found somebody at a swingeringer club i would use it as a bonding opportunity and make a smile you know if they want to talk talk to them but don't make it awkward like you know i don't know that's why you're both there and i think that's what you need to keep in mind is you're both there yeah so it's like yes it may be charlie from the mailroom but they're at the club too so what you have next time is like you're charlie next time you're headed from the mailroom, but they're at the club, too. So what you have next time is like, you know, Charlie, next time you're headed through the mailroom, right? Exactly. We can talk about it. I was DJing at a swinger party one time in a nightclub, and I saw somebody on the dance floor that I used to work with. And I got very excited because I was very happy to see them. And I just reached across and I tapped them and they turned around. They were like, oh but then it was did you know ahead of time was that the discovery moment no it was discovery moment okay and then we've been friends ever since about it so like we run into them at lots of parties and stuff uh we did run into somebody on the street from the nude beach and those nudes didn't recognize them with their clothes on that i did that happened she was like who is that i'm at the nude beach that was hilarious so funny that happens to us at oasis where we meet people there and then we don't know what they look like in clothes and then we'll see them out on the street for like we'll go for drinks or something and we'll be like oh that's how you dress like you had no idea and that's a lot of people's identity too so it really disarms people when you have no clothes on you know you're kind of naked in more ways than one right like you're this is just me you have that's all that's all you have to offer that's why i bring my identity with me i've got the hair i've got the jewelry i wear it in the pool because i'm just not gonna the only thing i'm gonna change is oh i have to go outside so this has to go on right right and and even yesterday outside her titties were showing because she's like it's legal in canada you know so yeah it's kind of fun i see your titties all the time especially on the virtual event um but yeah so back to things so if i were to give advice to somebody who's new and they're nervous enough and they walk into a club and there's someone there that's a co-worker or a friend of a friend how would you experience swingers like tell them what to do how would you address that um you know what we talked about on states the other night was um sometimes let it be for a minute don't make a big deal out of it right away leave them alone let them settle in let you see you don't know if it's their first time or their hundredth time they don't know if it's your first time or your hundredth time so don't make a big deal about it or don't freak out over it maybe later say hi so freak out in private with your friends I say loosely freak out or just let it go act like it's not a big deal be nonchalant about it and then later when you pass each other you know hey i did notice you at the front you know at the bar or something nice to see you having fun nice to see you yeah that's cool i think if you act like it's not a big deal then it probably will end up being not a big deal right okay what if it's your boss that would be a big deal no yeah um you know what they're there you're there there you're there i mean i don't know what you would say but you have to take a certain degree of well we're like-minded maybe that's a good thing maybe that would make things better in the real world i also have to say that after being in this for so many years my reaction today might be different than it was when i was we were new at it i might have like geeked out a little bit more when i was new and younger and now i'm a little more nonchalant and i care a little less what they think per se i think well that's good yeah it was a specific question i had so i thought i'd ask so you guys are the most veteran swingers i've ever met and uh that is really rich a well of information for a lifestyle community that's learning about this lifestyle and so one of the things that i've personally seen over the few years that i've been in lifestyle about four or five years is the ebb and flow of of people's experience some people start out really aggressive wanting to go to dtf theme nights gangbang nights then they kind of transition back into something different and then sometimes they pull away from the clubs for a while all together or the swinger lifestyle too I have seen people who swore guys who I have been with who swore up and down they'd never be monogamous they're monogamous with a girl they met at the club because just because they started out swingers they fell in love and then that they decided they wanted something different than that so uh yeah so i think that's really fascinating but because you've been in lifestyle for how many years now roughly we've been together for 35 years and it kind of started in the beginning um just because i was a bisexual female but there was no internet so it was like it wasn't like we were able to do much other than flirting in bars with girls, you know. Or watch porn together. Or watch. Talk about things. Fantasize about things. Talking about where we would eventually land, which I didn't know would be Toronto, Canada. Right. That was 35 years ago. Yeah, and you go through phases. Sometimes you're going to parties all the time, and then sometimes you outgrow it, or you get it out of your system a little bit and then like nowadays it's more that we have like a family of lifestyle friends like real our lifestyle is our lifestyle now and just having a regular barbecue with people knowing their families that has transcended into and also i think worrying about the crossover between the regular life and the swing and the lifestyle life you do worry about that much less now not anymore much less now i guess maybe the older i get the less i care what other people think i think our friends are I'll see you next time. in the lifestyle life you do worry about that much less now not anymore much less now i guess maybe the older i get the less i care what other people think i think our friends are also and including myself less inappropriate at this age like when we were younger i was pretty inappropriate you know i i wore my sexuality on my sleeve and i would you know always want to joke around and say things or whatever make out with girls and sometimes there's just a time and a place for everything right and now our friends are all grown up and so when we hang out we're just i've shared holidays with lifestyle people and you know what i mean so i know lifestyle extends to knowing their families now for us so let's let's drill into this so that people understand this isn't some taboo thing you do in the dark corners of your life this is sometimes for people including myself people that you come to to bring into your life as solid friends or how whatever you want to call them on the spectrum of of relationship types but these are people who you care about there are people who you would you know acknowledge on their birthday or you know go for barbecue or things like that as you said if they're moving help them move it's not all about sex it's it's very little about sex sometimes to be honest do you agree can i touch you yep thank you see see learn i met her in the pandemic and i love her and it's very little to do with other than making sure we get our quality time together and and that we got to do this now that being said anybody who is watching this who is new at it and definitely has to keep those things separate don't think that that is like something that you should be shamed for you know if you really are nervous about it because of your job yeah be a teacher you could be in government work or whatever that happens to be and you just cannot you know yeah but i guarantee if you are hanging around this lifestyle long enough you will find somebody you trust people will rise to a certain surface and people you trust to be around other family members or you know and not spill the beans per se if you didn't want that i have to just laugh at a moment because i'm currently not allowed near ours family members because i am not to be trusted with what i say yes she's like every time I've met her mom once or twice and she's like very aware of every moment I'm in the house because what if I call her the name that's not her real name like that's you know she's her club name or you know I'm just I just I'm a bit of an overshare i don't think you guys noticed i a bit of overshare and i i can shock people and sometimes people just don't need that in front of people like they don't want to know their business right so and everybody you have to respect everybody's boundaries right right so even recently i mean they i was invited recently to a birthday party where people were bringing their kids and i was like as much as i know i could be okay i just don't know if I want to hold my breath for like the whole lunch and just don't say anything sexual, don't say any bad words, like cross your legs, you know, cover your tits. Like, no, I can't handle it. You need a checklist. I need different hangout places. That's a lot. I know. That's a lot. I just, I don't like the vanilla world experience as much anymore. I like to just be myself. So like lifestyle people who know what that entails that's why we've sought out a new community because earlier in life we weren't necessarily being our real selves and i think with this community and everyone being like-minded um we can just i don't think that we weren't being ourselves i think we were around people that weren't. Yeah. People that were a little too much conservative that we had to, you know, censor ourselves. Right, right. I'm used to that. And sometimes you do have to censor yourself. You know, we spend so much time in this little lifestyle hosting online and doing stuff like that. When people ask us, what have you been doing with yourself? You're like, what G-rated answer can i give you right i mean every every friday we host a lifestyle live stream right so like my conversation topic is usually fantastic why can't you guys ever go out on a friday i don't know that is i'm tired from work like it is i want to drill into this i have a few topics but there is a virtual space to be a swinger and this started in the pandemic i've talked about it a few times on my channel but there is currently i don't care what state you're in i don't care if there's no sex clubs or swinger clubs near you you can start right now and actually join a community and meet other people who are sex positive you don't have to wait till someone matches with you on whatever app you're using and then then, you know, you don't have to wait for someone else to validate that you want to be in this lifestyle, you could do it their virtual way. I am not affiliated with Oasis Aqua Lounge. I do not get any commission to promote them, but they have a virtual website that costs like 25 bucks a month, roughly. And if you go, you can go to these events and the newlyweds host Friday night. And I'm not going to lie. I know every Friday, if I'm not at M4, I will be online at the virtual event because It's easy. can go to these events and newlyweds host friday night and i'm not gonna lie i i know every friday if i'm not at m4 i will be online at the virtual event because it's the same as going out you're with a bunch of people who are on webcam who are sex positive respectful non-judgmental and you're included you can show up with you know your introverted self and we'll we'll you'll still be part of the circle and i think that's what i really like to see is there's a lot of people who go on cam and you see them warm up over time like bring their personality a lot of new people for their first time it's a great way to first timers i we have questions and then swingers the lifestyle people love nothing more than just all input so we go around the room and everyone gives advice and everyone likes to share stories and so yeah whenever yeah whenever it's a friday night and we're about to host and we don't have anything planned and you show up i'm like oh thank you somebody will start throwing out some intrusive questions right right that'll get the conversation started because sometimes we don't plan things very well and i run out of questions too i i get less interesting as they get it used i don't know talking i find that talking to new people about what to expect Yes. I don't know. as they get it used i don't know talking i find that talking to new people about what to expect uh how to have no expectations but what to expect what to wear what to do what all the things all the toronto unicorn advice yeah that we can possibly give i find that those nights are so fascinating the last friday night at the club was um speed dating and it was a little too crowded so we gave up our spot but as i was standing in the doorway and more people started piling up people were asking what are they doing inside and i was like oh they're doing speed dating get in line and then i started actually i'm like have you been here before and they would answer you doing that and you do the yes or no thing no okay oh cool what brought you here and so i would do this i kept doing this to people one girl that stops me goes you're really good at this i could do it pretty much every friday night have you been here before what got you here how did you tell the other partner that you were interested in doing something like this you just keep adding and adding that's awesome you're the social butterfly like bringing the people out of their shell a bit too yeah and then once you get through those questions and everybody else has already heard what those people all had to say and then i leave and they're all talking to each other we haven't been here before either exactly and don't you feel good about that it's like good go flourish you know go butterfly my thing in the pool is when there's couples couples single single couple single people and then a group of friends i'm like let's all talk to each other yeah get out of the corner you're really good because the most surprising thing is that a single girl can go to a lifestyle club and sit in the corner and never be approached by anybody and you like to walk around and go are you here by yourself come join us it's fun I think you have a similar energy to me I now call it Toronto Unicorn Summer Camp when I start rounding up people to be part of our crew for the night and like I'm telling you they bring some joy like genuine joy to my soul to see people feel included and then you know maybe they didn't have sex that night it doesn't even matter they go home and they had the night that they were you know looking for when they spend for guys a hundred dollars to come out to the club even if you just feel like you're not awkward all night that can be a win right being included and sitting there even if you didn't get to anything you're still like talking to someone with you know looking at lovely people hanging out talking socializing having fun it's such a great energy it's so fun to look over and i'm like oh that that guy's getting a blowjob like it's just so casual i got eaten out by the pool the other day yeah and i started a trend all of a sudden all these girls were up on the edge and then yeah it was all around people were going down on them and i was just like wow it was great oh god this beautiful beautiful girl i wanted to meet in person so badly and we finally met in person it was great that's good part of this trip is every time we come we meet not meeting new people but we meet people that we've known for years that we've never met face to face right every trip always has some of that because the virtual uh space is you're in california right so always soccer lounges in toronto canada it's a little bit of a hike so they come once a year but yeah the virtual space is how we met uh many years ago and oh i was a baby little unicorn back then i was a a shy, unknowing, like not so shy. I mean, how shy could I be? But there was a part of me that was just looking in the window of this lifestyle. And then I saw Mr. and Mrs. Newlyweds on the virtual. And I remember I said something. I talked about this before, but I said something really out of character. And I asked if I could be her sister wife and it was just because I saw something I saw first of all couple that doesn't have kids that went and had a beautiful marriage without all that that's a huge goal of mine is to to have a beautiful future without the responsibility of children and so I saw that you could do it with the sex positive aspect too and like you were my role models and so i just wanted to like hook my hook to you guys and be like take me with you because i'm just that's the way so this is the way we did kind of we all took each other with we all took each other in this big group and we worked so hard to come back here every year after year just to hang out with this group of people i remember the first time i was mind-fucking though i was like you're here now yeah and then the other night we did dishes together so we are truly sister wives oh yes i know we in the moment we're like we actually are sister wives super cute it is funny so that actually leads me into another topic so we talked recently about swinger polyamory and for anyone who's not really familiar swinging is more casual sex non-romantic feelings so you could have friends that you swing with but it usually is not a separate relationship polyamory can take a lot of different forms but it usually has more romantic feelings and relationships um you said the other day that you've actually gone a little bit back and forth between just casual sex swinging and relationships for sure sure different people fulfill different roles or the ones you see more often then you start becoming closer and closer and closer to and for sure but you don't have to out anybody but you have a couple that you hang out with once every couple a couple months or something yeah every couple months we hang we hang out together for about three or four days because we live kind of far apart right and so we're just very close together and it's like you know we find ourselves you know the two guys lying on the couch watching tv together during the day and now wherein i would not say that we are necessarily polyamorous and i would never put that label on them gotcha either we love each other to pieces so i think that that if if you look at it that way it exists 100 for us okay what in in sometimes polyamory i look at the two folks being able to have other relationships little branches of the tree and we don't roll that way gotcha so but we've had a girlfriend before several times we've had a girlfriend that lived with us so that was the and the girlfriend of the couple not of the couple very equal three-way love well we've done three-way love before he and i are very lovey-dovey yeah when we fall we fall pretty hard but um we've had the three-way love yeah and we actually lived together for a year wow that was that was quite interesting would you do it again no no i came out lightning fast i'm good each person is totally different and wonderful at the time yeah it's fun it was fun to try right and it's also finding the right third person too you know what i mean because when you have um our bubble letting our bubble is 35 year bubble when you let somebody into your bubble you know we forgive each other for a lot of things every single solitary day when a new person shows up they're not part of our 35 years of history right You know what I mean?