Send us Fan MailLifestyle Education | Outed as Swingers and The Power of Representation| Episode 114Join Dan and Lacy, the charismatic hosts of the The Swing Nation Podcast, as they take you on a wild journey through the exciting world of non-monogamy and swinging.In this candid discussion, they share their story of being publicly outed as swingers and the profound impact it had on their lives. They explore the emotional rollercoaster they experienced, the repercussions they faced within their community, and the valuable lessons they learned along the way.Furthermore, they delve into the importance of public representation within the swinging and non-monogamous communities. They discuss the need for individuals to embrace the lifestyle openly, and the positive impact it can have on fostering understanding, acceptance, and support within communities! Remember to , rate, and review on your favorite podcast platform.- The Swing Nation - Main Website Quick Navigation Website: -- (Find all our social media links more!) Follow us on Facebook! The Podcast Website- Swinger Society - Our Website to meet, connect events Swinger Society Discord Our Facebook Group- Swinger Websites -Kasadie 90 day free trialUsername: TheSwingNation SDC 14 day free trial Username: TheSwingNation** Use code 36313 for 14 days free! ** SLSUsername: NorthernGuynSouthernGirl- Merch More - The Swing Nation Merch The Swinger Pride Flags Swinger Society Merch- Lacy’s Fun Links - VIP OnlyFans PREMIUM OnlyFans -- THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS --Wisp : Making sexual healthcare inclusive, cost-effective, and accessible—for everyoneUse Code SWING at checkout for 15% off your oder! Shameless Care: ED Medication and at home STD testingUse Code TSN at checkout for $30 off your order!Promescent® Make Love Longer, It’s Time for Great SexUse Code SwingNation for 5% off!Pinaq Liqueur; The Official Drink of The Swing NationUse Code TSN at checkout for 15% off!- Thank you for the support! -
Transcript
This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.
Welcome to the Swing Nation podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle.
Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together join the nation so lacy people are asking how do they get to go to a party or an event with us they check out swingersociety.net you create a profile you sign up for an event and you, and you come hang out with us. Super easy. That's right. If you want to party with us and the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingersociety.net.
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Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We we are your host northern guy and southern girl in today's episode we're gonna be talking to you all about being outed in the swingers lifestyle yeah um it's a it's a big concern for people it is a lot of people come to us and say we're interested but like no one no one can find out. And like, is that possible? Right.
Or what happens like if you do get outed or when you guys were outed, how did your family and kids and all react? Yeah. And so we've talked about being outed or, you know, we've probably shared some of our stories in previous podcasts.
And I know we did an episode with Daphne and Daddy Mike about them being outed i think this is this is a good topic to talk about because it definitely seems like it's on the top of a lot of people's minds yeah okay i think before we share our story on how we got outed i think it's important to know how long we were in the swingers lifestyle without being out yeah i think people do they just kind of hear about they think that. Like we've always been out. But in fact. We were very private.
For a lot of years. And we're very successful. At being private swingers. With no issues. Like. It's really our fault. That we got out. Right. So we were both. In the lifestyle. As singles. When we met. And. We were single. In the lifestyle. For lifestyle for years. Yeah. I think maybe two or three years. Yeah, same. Something like that. And then once we met and got together, we were in the lifestyle for probably another two or three years before we were out. Yeah.
And it's actually not hard to do, to be honest with you.
I will say for me, especially being a single female my mom was always like where are you going you know so i i did feel like i had to be somewhat sneaky-ish you know like i was a 30 something year old person so like i had the ability to go and do things without telling my mother what i was doing but i had to also like put those boundaries in place which was kind of hard but honestly much needed um but I did sometimes feel like I was having to be sneaky um even though I didn't have to be I would have to say I'm going out and not give an explanation and that be okay yeah and there's so you know we we've kind of always swung this way where we go on vacations or travel so like i can remember the first time we went to hito in jamaica you know we had to do what everybody does when they go to hito in jamaica and go across across the street to the sandals and take our pictures and take pictures next to the sandals boat and pretty much try to capture vanilla pictures throughout the week and pretend like we were at sandals resort not at hedonism yeah and i can remember like when we were dating we would go to atlanta quite often because where you were stationed it was kind of like a good halfway point and so we would tell people that i think i remember telling my mom that your boss had a condo or an airbnb or something there that they let us use or something they let us use and it was a good like middle ground yeah and i can remember like not having good phone service because we were at paradise valley and like she just didn't understand like why my phone didn't work but i think really it just forced us into like being a little bit creative with what we were doing right and i will say that say, though, that it's not a good feeling, though.
It's not. It's not. But it can be done. And a lot of people do it. Like, a lot of our friends say we're going. Like, they like events to be in areas that it makes sense to go. Right. Like, Nashville. It makes sense for a couple to go to Nashville for a weekend because it is, like, a vacation-type spot like even I can't eat as their events and Pigeon Forge.
And I know a lot of couples would say that was perfect because it gave them like, oh, we're going, you know, to spend a weekend in the mountains together. So it makes sense. Like Vegas makes sense. Stuff like that. Yeah. No, that's true. But I don't know. It does still feel – I can remember when we were private and didn't tell people. It's almost like this is so stupid that I have to lie to people. I'm a grown-ass adult that should be able to do what I want.
And here I am almost like I'm in high school, like trying not to tell my parents where I'm going or who I'm with or what I'm doing. Correct. But it all – for me, I liked it.
It was kind of fun i liked it i liked it a little and i even we've even had that discussion about being open and losing a sense of like we're doing something that we're not so it's like a double-edged sword you we should be able to do what we want to do and we should not have to hide it but it also does bring an element of like naughtiness yeah um like we're sneaking away and nobody knows and then we come back we can't tell anybody because we were so naughty like that that is the thing for me anyway um so that is a part of it yeah well we've even had that criticism from other people say that like like you can't tell people about this lifestyle that's like what makes it fun is that it's underground and secret and word of mouth and like and i relate to that and i can totally agree but on the flip side i think making it okay to do the things that we want to do almost outweighs that right yeah there's definitely a conversation for yes it's fun to be sneaky and it's yes it's fun that it's kind of taboo and underground but when people are getting fired and losing their kids like at what point does the good outweigh the bad or the bad outweigh the good yeah um and i think both of us are of opinion normalizing it is probably better for the community as a whole than than trying to keep it underground yeah and but i'll be honest there was a transition period for me where i was like, wait, this is like fun.
It being naughty. And I've had to kind of grow into this role. And so, but that's just me being honest. No, no, I agree. I get that. I guess just having the perspective that I can understand where people are coming from that say that they like that the community is underground. I can understand that.
But I think we could make a pretty good argument for why we think it needs to be normalized as well yeah but we were very successful swingers we never i personally never had like an almost or an oops i never ran into anybody we get that question a lot did you what if you go somewhere and you run into someone i never had that experience but we also are not going to a swingers club 10 minutes down the road.
So if that's a concern of yours is running into someone that you work with or you know, you might not want to go to your local swinging thing. You might want to drive an hour or two hours away if that's something that you're worried about. Yeah, we've always said that. You know, so we're a few hours from Nashville. We're a few hours from Atlanta.
And so it always worked for us to, you know, if you get a few hours away from that's something that you're worried about yeah we've always said that you know so we're a few hours from nashville we're a few hours from atlanta so it always worked for us to you know if you get a few hours away from your house that the chances of you running into somebody are less but although you know nashville and atlanta in our area are you know some of the only bigger clubs there are so there's still a chance that you run into somebody from your neighborhood or something like that but then you're kind of you're both there for the same reason it's kind of you know it's kind of that whole fight club thing is you look at each other and you nod and you go about your business and you never speak of it again you know and that's there's plenty of people that do that as well and now like when we were private i never ran into anybody but now that we've been public i have seen people that i know and it's not a thing i'm just like we know each other we're both here we know why we're here it's like okay it's not it's not like a major thing it's just like ha ha look at us we're living our best life yeah all right so now let's get into the story on how we were outed and um i almost wish this was a better story like i wish i could like, we decided to out ourselves so that we could fight for the community.
We were idiots. And we could, you know, we started this, we're going to fight for non-monogamy. And so we put ourselves out there to kind of take the bullets for other people. It wasn't any of that. No, we just were 30-something-year-olds who didn't quite understand the Internet. That's the truth of it. Yeah. So our story is, and we can actually kind of tell the whole story now since I'm out about being former military.
Uh, I was deployed overseas, uh, in the army and, um, me and Lacey were married at this time. We had been swingers. We'd, you know, been living this lifestyle for years at this point. And we knew going into that situation that being apart was going to be a struggle for us. And finding a healthy outlet for our sexual desires was going to be, you know, a struggle for us. And we had very open and frank conversations about that. Yeah, and we only played together.
So we knew that there would be no sex. But we also were very realistic that if sex needed to happen, that we would communicate with each other. Like, if I really had to have sex, I would go to him and say, I really need to have sex with someone. And we would work through that together. So we were very open and honest about our needs, wants, and desires. Right, and those were genuine concerns for us. I mean, we were both very sexual people.
And so it's's like that's a need that we know we need to fill and if it comes to a point where you know i was supposed to be gone for like four or five months like if somewhere along that journey you're like i just need to get fucked like i need to have that you know we talked about with you there were certain swinger couples that were kind of local not super local but close enough to where and we were good friends with them that were that could be a possible outlet from you for me it's like i was in the middle of the desert with a bunch of dudes there might have been a few females around and you basically said like if you find somebody that you think you want as long as you included me yeah like we'll talk about it at that point and so we we entered into that with with these kind of ideas in our mind um so then once i got over there it turned out you know i was working kind of this office job but i had a lot of downtime at night there wasn't you know like it's not really a nightlife you're just kind of stuck in your room on your you know on the internet like that's all you really can do so i i got bored i started you know i was searching stuff i was looking at porn and all this kind of stuff and i was like man like what's something we can do to be sexy well truth be told when he left i was like i'm gonna get skinny i'm gonna be hot I'll see to get skinny.
I'm going to be hot. I'm going to organize this whole fucking house. I'm going to be the best mom there ever was. I don't need sex. I don't want sex. And so my thought process was put my head down and just, like, really work on me and our home.
And, you know, like like that was kind of my mindset like I'm not going to think about sex because I can't have sex so we're just going to focus on the things that we can control so that was my mindset but the problem was he was bored because he had nothing to do and so he was blowing up my phone with all these fucked up weird sexual requests like he would want me to like go in the bathroom at a store and masturbate and send him a video just anything taboo that I shouldn't do one time he wanted me to go in the backyard I mean it was just like all this weird shit and quite frankly I was annoyed because like I said I was trying really hard to not focus on sex because it could be very easy.
I knew it could be easy for me to go down this slippery slope. Now you're getting me to come everywhere and I'm like super turned on. Like I was just kind of concerned what the next thing would be, you know. So it definitely we struggled a little bit.
You would get frustrated frustrated with me and i was like well you know like babe i can't fuck so like i need something here like yeah you wanted me to do all this stuff and i just very much just was trying so hard to just not allow myself to go down that path right so what what happened then so but i did at some point start taking like really sexy photos for you and and i enjoyed it because it made me feel beautiful i was also like on a weight loss journey so i was losing some weight so it made me feel beautiful and then you would be like super turned on by it and then i was made you know because you were like obsessed with me fucking myself everywhere i would make these videos and send them to you so we were making videos we were taking pictures and we didn't still have like some text group with our friends and stuff like that so we're sharing some of that with them yeah they were sending pictures yeah um which we had always dabbled i mean it's funny because swingers can send some good pics oh yeah in videos so like when when people talk about like us having an only fans i'm like you have an only fans it's your friends they just don't pay you for it you know it's the same fucking thing yeah um but so you were like let's make an only fan right and this is back when only fans was starting to get popular like it was 2020 time frame and i probably got we probably a little on the tail end we weren't in the front of that but only fans was starting to become a thing and starting to become more normal for like moms to have an always page or um yeah so i was i kind of proposed hey since we have all these sexy pictures we have all these videos if you just post them or if we just post them up on this website one that'll be there for me to see two we can see other people can read you know like you know can other people can subscribe and then they can interact with you and i'll be able to see that so it's kind of almost like use that as a sexy outlet and keep in mind like everybody that knows us thinks that we're just this normal vanilla couple like they have no idea that behind closed doors i'm fucking myself in the backyard you know it's they had they had no idea that we were going to swinger clubs and swinger parties and that we'd swung on our wedding day.
Like, nobody had a fucking clue. We had done a very, very good job of convincing the world that we were this normal, happy, married couple. Right. So that's kind of where we were. And then what happened? Right. So you start making videos and pictures while are continuing to.
And we just happen to upload upload them to only fans um and because i'm overseas and bored and don't have much to do at night and i'm on the internet exploring um i get i kind of i don't know maybe i get focused on things hyper focused i get hyper focused on things and i do a lot of research and i look into it and i read about it and so because we started this only fans page i started like well how do you get subscribers and how do you make money on only fans and how do you you know because you hear all these stories about oh this girl made a million dollars in a month or you know you hear all these crazy wild stories never our plan never i you like i was like hey if i could just get the extra money to like 100 bucks a month get my nails done or just paying for myself a little without taking from like our family money, that was kind of like our plan.
Had we went into this thinking we were going to like make millions of dollars or lots of money or anything like that, we would have been very disappointed. But our plan, I can remember the first time someone sent me $50, it was like a major big deal for us. So I think people think that we went into this thinking that we were going to build what we built. And that was not the case at all. No, we really just wanted a sexy outlet for why we were apart. That was really the whole idea.
But then I started researching how to make money on OnlyFans. And the biggest thing that kept coming up was post TikTok videos.
videos yeah and the little side stories that i had already been on tiktok like as far as like a user watching videos never had made a tiktok like actual video and i had found swing talk and i found some swingers and i do remember thinking that i hadn't seen any of our friends at this time it was just other people um but i remember thinking we could do that better i'd always and i think i had shared to you and i think i told you like oh my god there's this whole like dark side of tiktok where they're talking about swinging and they're talking about kinky and they're talking about all the things that we enjoy so like i was very much aware that there was this other side so when you brought up the idea of tiktok it wasn't super far-fetched for me because i had already saw a lot of that and had already thought well we could do this so much better right and there wasn't i mean when we say there was a few people there was literally like two or three people like there was not many people that were making swinger videos or swing talk videos or any i don't even know swing talk that was probably a hashtag but it wasn't like wasn't like it wasn't like it was a hashtag that people were using i mean it was just it happened to be it was there but it wasn't like a thing you know and the people that were on there were like what i would consider like we're kind of middle age now but like you know in their 50s um you know normal everyday couples kind of look like what when you think of swinging they kind of fit that that scenario sure uh so i came to you and i was like hey we can if we make tiktok videos and you know and you get some views on tiktok we can then link your bio and the you know link the only fans link in the bio and then we probably can drive a little bit more people to your only fans page get you a little bit more money so you can do your hair and your makeup and your nails and whatever again we're thinking like maybe two hundred dollars a month like at this point like we are not thinking big bucks we're not thinking anything like that we're just thinking hey that'd be kind of fun and then simultaneously that we're like well there's not like we're swingers and that's kind of like a sexy subject yeah and there's some swingers on tiktok but not really any ones that we relate to so we could kind of like fill that niche so fill that void and see if see if it gets traction.
Yeah. And so I think you were all about it. Like you weren't really hesitant to do that. You're like, yeah, that's cool. Like that makes sense. Like let's do that. Never thought twice about it. And our first TikTok videos are almost funny now to think about. It was like. They're very simple. Like I flipped over. Like I was like, tell me you're a swinger without telling you you're a swinger. And I flip over my earring, turn my pineapple upside down.
I did one with – I happened to have a pineapple door hanger. I put the door hanger on the door with that tell me you're a swinger without telling me you're a swinger type situation.
That was pretty much what our first TikToks – I wasn't mouthing words or anything like that like i am now it was very very simple yeah i think it was the third video you posted and i don't do you remember i think this was the flipping was the flipping the pineapple upside down the grocery cart one that went viral it was one i think it was that one it went viral um and hit 11 million 11 million views yeah and i can remember like being at baseball with my son and my phone was like low like i had the notifications on because like now we don't have any notifications of anything on but like i can remember my phone being in my pocket and it's just like blowing yeah and i'm like opening it up and i'm like holy shit and because you were overseas you were like 12 hours different so you're sleeping and i'm like and i think at one point i like called and woke you up when it was like at 20 000 and i was like babe this is it's happening oh my god this is happening it very quickly blew up and at that point everybody knew we were swingers we basically outed ourselves um we had no idea like we thought like maybe 300 people would see at a thousand at most right so i guess what we thought was like well we'll probably only get a few hundred views on these tiktoks and then two we didn't understand that the way tiktok works is it pushes your videos out locally like literally like to the people in your town and neighborhoods first Thank you.
on these tiktoks and then two we didn't understand that the way tiktok works is it pushes your videos out locally like literally like to the people in your town and neighborhoods first and then depending on how many people react with those videos it then pushes them out more and then more and then more um so the next day after this video goes viral her aunt texts her and says hey i saw this tiktok video no she said do you have something to tell me so just like a backstory about me i grew up i live in the same town that i grew up in um shout out to all of you that listen because we get the stats we know how many people from my hometown listen but um i still live here um i still am friends with the majority of the people that i went to school with my whole life.
And so it was a big deal for me because everybody knew who I was. Everybody knew everything about me. So it was just very, very shocking for me. Now, Dan's not lived in his hometown since he was like 17 years old. And he's also in the middle of the other side of the world. And I'm here all by myself. And so for me, it was quite traumatic. I mean, and that seems like a lot to say, like, that seems like I'm being dramatic, but it was.
I felt like in a matter of days, everybody knew everything about me. And I know I'm being like extreme here. But it was a big deal. I had like made this image for myself where everyone thought that I was just this sweet innocent you know single mom or had been single mom had just recently got married person that had you know lived this like quiet calm life and very quickly everybody knew that I'm a dirty whore and they they really didn't know much about me. They just knew Lacey's a swinger.
And it just, I felt like it spread like wildfires. And I don't know if it did. I don't know. And this is just me assuming. Some people said stuff to me. No one said anything mean to me. I will say that. They were all kind, but I knew they were saying it behind my back.
yeah and i think for people to really understand like lacy'd go grocery shopping and you'd come back from grocery shopping and i'm overseas and we facetime or whatever you're like i swear the person at the grocery store was looking at me funny like i they swore they knew and like i don't want to go back there and I'm going to order all my groceries online from here on out. I was mortified. You know, I really was. And was I overthinking it? Sure. Did the person in the grocery store really know?
I don't know. Probably not. But I knew people were talking. I mean, I knew. And they were. They were. I'm not exaggerating about that. But it was just very hard. Like even going to the dollar store, I was extremely self-conscious going to any kind of sporting event. I knew they knew because some parents would, you know, some people were like, hey, we still love you. It's fine. No worries. But then other people just wouldn't say anything.
Well, did they not want to say anything because they were embarrassed? They not want to say anything because they were judging me.
You know, I don't know just I was very much self-conscious about it and it caused issues between you and I because I felt like you couldn't help me I felt like I was all alone and I also felt like you couldn't relate at the time because you had been gone for home for so long that you would just be like fuck them you know like that was kind of your mentality it was kind of the mentality i had is you know i was like listen like i get people are going to judge you but this is who we are like this is who we are to our core this is how we met this is how we got this is why we got we got married we've you know like it's a big portion of our identity or you know who we are as people um and i i don't think we need to be ashamed of that and if people don't like it like screw them yeah and then two i think i also saw the opportunities with you know that the video went viral and all that stuff i'm like we could do something with this like there's something here obviously there's an there's interest in this subject um you know people have questions uh you know because yeah you might have been getting sideways looks at the grocery store but for every sideways look you get at the grocery store five people were texting you and asking you like so how does this work or how do you do that you know we play with single females like family members like close friends like all kinds of people reaching out and it very quickly became not about only fans like almost instantaneously since i said that word instantaneously um once that i count hit 11 million um i think people thought like oh we're just in this for only fans still feel that way and it very very quickly switched from okay only fans is the thing and it's there but it is about so much more but i came to you and was like i can't do this we have to take this down like we have to delete this tiktok you know it caused quite a big of strain between us because you felt passionately about not deleting it well i think i you know i think i thought well one the cat's already out of the bag there's at this point there's no point in putting it back in the bag two i i felt like we had this opportunity with this platform you know this the viral video that i i didn't think was possible to recreate i thought this was like a one time like you know we we struck you know lightning struck kind of thing and i thought well if we delete this like one the cat's already out of the bag and then two like we're just it's just gonna we're gonna delete this and we going to suffer the negative repercussions, but none of the positive repercussions.
And so like my logical brain was just struggling, like, like what, what was this all for then? Like, we're going to go through all this shit with people in your town, but for, for no reason, if we just quit at this point, you know, and my emotional brain was like, fuck all of that. I wanted down. I'm going to pretend like this never happened and just go about my life. That was my logical brain. And it wasn't so much that I was embarrassed of being a swinger. I really wasn't embarrassed.
I guess I was, I didn't like that I lost control of it. You know, like I wouldn't have a problem telling people, like, and really, honestly, people that are close to me were not shocked.
They were like, oh, well, yeah yeah that makes sense um but it was the fact that that was kind of ripped from me I mean we did it to ourselves so I'm not blaming anybody else but like I don't know I just kind of hated that I lost control of it like I couldn't be the one to say hey this is what Dan and I are doing it's better we have a better marriage because of it it works for us it feels good for us like it's somebody was telling somebody that was telling somebody and i think that was what i struggled with the most not so much that we were swingers i was proud and happy and i knew we had a great relationship i was just that part of it yeah so we deleted the tiktok um it didn fix anything.
The rumors kept flying around town. And you kept, you know, more and more people kept saying something to you about it. Anyway, to make a long story short with all that, at some point you came back and said, you know what? You're right. Like, fuck this. Like, this is who we are. It took a few weeks. I had to, like, let the emotions, the high stress.
I'd kind of, like, let that all kind of subside and then come to you and be like okay let's do it again what did how did you feel when i was like let's do it again i was like thank you like yeah finally you're you know listening to reason you know um so anyway we got back on tiktok we started posting videos again and then very quickly it happened again where videos started going into the millions hundred thousands you know um and it all blew up again uh and the same same kind of thing and i think you know it was a journey um i think you struggle it wasn't it wasn't we were never like okay it's all like we're good now it's still not good we still went back and forth there was still a lot of drama it caused drama you know we have we have ex-spouses and there were some issues there we have children you know there were some issues there with children finding out you know we've been on this roller coaster ride of people finding out um we stayed on only fans people found out about the only fans and even that you know i think there might even be more stigma and judgment about that than there is about the swinging stuff yeah and honestly like woman that i have i have more of a uh it bothers me more about the only fans than the swinger to be honest with you because like i'm proud of being a swinger like fuck everybody i'm super proud of our lifestyle and i know that it works for us and it makes us better together the only fans i do still struggle with that so i'm not gonna lie i you know i feel the same way about the only fans as i feel about being a swinger is we like taking videos and pictures and sharing them with people we like being um you know uh voyeuristic uh we like sharing our you know and if people want to pay us to watch that yeah like who the fuck are you to you know i mean like that's if we enjoy it then we enjoy it and it's kind of the same way with swinging like if you don't like it or you don't like what we do then you don't have to subscribe you don't have to see it like it's all behind paywalls it's all it's all legal it's all in the up and up like who are you to judge us that's how i feel about it and i get you feel your body you're being sexualized yeah you know some people that are only fans can be degrading and kind of you know also being a mom like i think that you know i worry about you know but i also like if my son was to grow up and have a wife and she wanted to be on the only fans i would totally you know like so there is a there's a part of me that wants to like put it all in a box and just like go back to living normal life because that's what like society tells us to do and there's also a part of me that's like fuck no i'm gonna provide a great life for my family by doing this and there there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Right. And, you know, truth be told, without OnlyFans, we wouldn't be able to have this platform that we have because it's given us the freedom to essentially say, like, we don't give a fuck what you think about us.
We're swingers and we're proud and we're not going to be put back in the box and we're going to talk about these things and we're going to be public on social media about it and if we had a normal nine to five job we would we'd have to worry about what we would be censored and even if we could be public swingers we still might have to censor ourselves in certain ways you know people would have power over us right because we would be beholden to somebody that was paying us and and with only fans we don't have to worry about that we can literally say whatever the fuck we want and um because we're self-supporting at this point i agree all right i think with that that kind of it kind of wraps up our story right um we're gonna take a little break we're gonna hear from the partners and sponsors of the swing nation podcast and then when we get back we're gonna to go over some of the pros and cons of being public we'll talk about maybe you know if you're considering it some of the things to think about um and maybe some of the the need that's out there um for for people to represent this lifestyle all right guys we'll be right back we here at the swing nation podcast are proud to partner with promessant listen guys we've all been there you're having a hot night with a hot chick maybe a few hot chicks but you need to kind of delay the time before you pull that trigger that's where promessant comes in they have this awesome product called the delay spray you literally spray it on and it delays the time that you orgasm so you can make sure that your partner is well taken care of and as swingers we're all about making sure our partners are well taken care of and promescent delay spray is the perfect product for that click the link in the show notes below to get yours today anxiety can cause ed like the kind you get while watching your partner with someone else you're having the time of your life yet are having stage fright most men in the lifestyle use prescription ed medication for this reason shameless care should be your provider shameless is less expensive than other companies and has a 50 state network of physicians who are lifestyle friendly use coupon code tsn for 30 off shameless care.com hey swing nation listeners it's dan here and i want to know why you haven't checked out cassidy.com yet cassidy is a lifestyle website where you can connect with other swingers see lifestyle events near and chat with attendees, as well as post travel plans to meet up with pineapple people across the country.
We want you to try Cassidy completely risk-free by using the 90-day Elite Membership Trial link in our show notes or by going to theswingnation.info and clicking on the Cassidy banner under Favorite Apps and and products all right guys welcome back welcome back we appreciate you listening to our sponsors we love our sponsors i do lacy do you have a sponsor this week that you're you're particularly in love with i don't know you don't know i don't know maybe shameless care for keeping us safe.
Did you get your test results? I did. I got my test results after secrets. So if you don't know, we test every three months and we alternate months. So that way we really only have a month that we're not tested. So it's your turn. We just got back from Nashville. So I need to go ahead and order yours.
So basically like he tests one month, then we go one month without being tested and then i get tested right and that's kind of how we do it so there's really never more than 30 days between one of us being tested yeah so um i think that's really important and that's something that a few years ago when we had this platform i can remember telling him i'm I'm like, because we were testing, but not. We're doing like once or twice a year. Yeah, we weren't super, like it wasn't on our forefront.
Like we would make sure, you know, a couple of times a year that we were tested. But I think I really have made it a priority for us. And I actually put it in my calendar so I know what day to order the test.
So I just think that it very very important not only for us like I want to keep you safe I want to be safe I also want to keep my friends safe you know I don't want to be the I don't want to make that call and be like guys I'm sorry but this is what we this is what's happened and you need to go to get tested I just don't want to ever be in that situation. Thank God we have never done that, but we've also been very careful. So, yeah.
And I think, you know, if you're a swinger out there and you're saying you're getting tested and you're, you're not, or you're, you know, maybe you're only doing it once a year, you know, take the time to put in the work and do it. It's not fun. It's not, you know, it's a pain in the ass, but it's really, really important. Yeah. And luckily, Seamus Claire makes it very easy. They ship everything to your door.
you just drop it in the mail and then you get your test for builds um shortly thereafter um so definitely go check that out if that's something yours is yeah because i've been to the doctor to get std tests and it's awkward we're public think this podcast is like a great one to talk about this because we are public so i should not be embarrassed because i am public but it's still embarrassing to have to go to the doctor and be std tested so just to eliminate that all together just order it from shameless care it's so much easier agreed and then you have your results on your phone you just save them and then if anybody wants to see them you got them right there exactly yeah all right all right so we left you off with kind of our story and how we got outed how we outed ourselves how we put ourselves on social media and didn't realize that tiktok would share our story across the the world and and all our families and friends would find out um but what would be your message to to other people who are in the lifestyle and maybe thinking about going public or maybe you're concerned about being outed?
What was some stuff you'd say to them? So I've said this, this is a conversation I've had quite a few times, so it's easy for me to repeat it. But I was devastated when we were outed by ourselves. I was completely devastated. And I'll be honest with you, I still struggle from time to time.
You know, you know i do however we have crossed that bridge and we are now on the other side of it and it is a very very freeing feeling it feels so good to live my true authentic self and i i always felt like i people didn't truly know me you know like i always felt like even with spouses but like with friends i only had one other spouse but so my other spouse and friends i always felt there was a part of me that i kept hidden and i feel like now people can truly see me and know me for who i genuinely am i think that makes for more genuine friendships more acceptance and if people don't want to be around me because we sneak away a few times a month and have naughty time consensual alone you know with other people then that's not a friend that I want to have that's not someone that I want around me so I'd rather someone not like me because they know the whole truth than like me for a fake person that they think is that is here you know like I want them to know the true me no and I couldn't agree with that more I think you know living life as your authentic self is is one of the most freeing experiences I think I've ever been to and I agree with you it you know we've talked about this a little bit it's almost I almost don't remember what it was like but yeah I was definitely that person where I was always keeping something back or something hidden and you know and I don't I think you know there's why I thought there was something wrong with me for a while like you're like why do I have these wants and desires like why you know like I I have a you know when I was married I have this wife and kids and like I'm supposed to be this person this is who I'm supposed to be why do I not feel like you know I fit into this this box that I'm trying to put myself in that society says I should I should be living in um it just it was always uncomfortable it was always I was always a struggle it was always you know and I didn't I didn't understand and now that we are who we are in public about it and talking about it it does feel very very good yeah it does it really does um I would not go back as hard as this whole journey has been I would not want to be private anymore um I very much am happy where we are at this point yeah uh so if you're a swinger um and you're contemplating this i think you really have to weigh the pros and cons right um the pros are definitely what you know me and lacey just described you can be your authentic self you can kind of live your life you don't have to lie to people when you go places you know you don't have to kind of keep the part of you hidden um but the cons can be pretty serious very much though Thank you.
you don't have to lie to people when you go places you know you don't have to kind of keep the part of you hidden um but the cons can be pretty serious very much so we've been very fortunate that we were both raised in families that are very loving and supportive and very open and we've not we've not lost any family members because of this like we don't we've not beenunned from our family. They very much love and accept us. But we have lots of friends that have not been that fortunate.
And it is very sad and very hard to watch your friends. Parents not want to be in their lives. Or children not want to be in their lives. It's very hard.
And I think people really need need to realize that that there's a good chance that people in their lives will no longer want to be around them because of this it's so sad yeah it's unfortunate and i don't like you said i can't i can't wrap my head around that um but you definitely if if it's something that you're thinking about going out you know being public or or you know kind of coming out of the closet so to speak you have to really look at your life and the people in your life and and think about how they'll react to that and then if you're okay with that reaction yeah um so that that's one but then two you almost have to then you have to look at you know can you afford to do that right because truthfully in today's society there's a good chance that you could possibly lose your job um there's a good chance that you could you know if you have an if you have um shared custody of children you might end up in court with your ex-spouse battling over custody of children um because there is such a stigma that still is out there about swinging that it's this immoral act and people will use that you know morality clauses or just some of these at-will states don't to fire you from their job they see you as a risk to their company to their brand that you're going to cost them money because oh they allow they have a swinger that works there or they support swinging or you know like it's not's not, they're not ethical.
They're not moral. Um, you know, that's a big enough risk to some of these companies where they'll just part ways with you. Um, you know, you experienced some of that, you know, uh, we don't talk about exactly what your job was, but, um, you got people reported you to your job.
Um, you got dragged into an office and, and know from hr and they said that's an uncomfortable situation because they had to open an investigation it's like they had to look at my only fans they had to basically the claim was that i was identifying myself with my company while i was doing the things which is not true that makes no sense but the company had to confirm that and so they had to look into it you know how embarrassing that was i felt very violated very um and then i didn't know who knew like who did they report it to at my job you know like what people there know what right who doesn't your friends your supervisor you you work with a lot of males yeah um so it just felt very and it was an email sent with my naked body pictures Thank you.
what right who doesn't your friends your supervisor you you work with a lot of males yeah um so it just felt very and it was an email sent with my naked body pictures um and i know people are gonna like well don't put it on the internet if you don't want people to see correct correct but it was behind a paywall and the person that opened that email did not go searching for it they were you know it was brought to them but it's a it's a hard and and honestly you don't have to have an only fans for that to happen you know you somebody could find your profile your sls profile and know it's you even though your face is not in it and send those pictures you know i mean there's so many things that could happen and you just you have to be somewhat prepared for those if you do come out we've had friends that have owned businesses and were we can talk about because they publicly tell the story naughty gym they owned a commercial gym and they also owned a lifestyle online gym and people associated their gym with swingers so they lost like something like 50 percent of their membership to their gym because everyone in town thought their gym was a swinger gym yeah yeah it came out you know when it came out that they were in the lifestyle and that they were running this this naughty gym you know like people were saying they were making porn and having sex at the gym and you know just these wild stories that were just were just untrue and made up and, you know, over-exaggerated.
And yeah, they said, I think it cost them close to half of their business. They barely survived it, I think, you know, so I think those things are all very valid things to think about. I had someone recently say, I'm a teacher. It cannot get out that I want to participate in this lifestyle. That's something that you very much have to think about.
I've had preachers come to me and say, which will let you be the judge of that, but they'll come to me and say, we want to do this, but he's a preacher.
How do we do i mean you have to yes you know i served 21 years in the united states army um i got you know multiple awards and bronze stars and things like that um i've had nothing but impeccable you know service um we were told that all that we were that you know people took our stuff and reported it to to the military um they never confronted me about it for for whatever reason they never confronted me and i don't know if it was just i had good leadership that was protecting me and they knew i was getting ready to retire and so they just they kind of you know protected me i i don't know what happened but they never approached me about it did people not i had but they're you know the point is that there were people that were trying to ruin a 21 year career with these accusations of being a swinger and stuff like that and in reality it's they could have done it yeah if i had i had different leadership or people in different positions or you know people not protect me um they could have done it and that that's you know why we're so passionate about um bringing awareness to this or normalizing this or talking about the lifestyle is because that's not okay.
But that's not like what me and Lacey do on the weekends with our friends has nothing to do with how I served in the United States Army. It had nothing to do with Lacey's job performance at her work. It has nothing to do with the way we parent our children, right?
Like who you have sex with, whether you're non-monogamous, monogamous, I don't care care there are plenty of moms out there that are single moms that are going and having sex with all kinds of people on the weekends they might not be swingers but there's plenty of moms that are doing that and that doesn't mean they're a bad mom right as long as they're take care of their children when they're with them as long as you know they're fed and you know as long as they're being a good mom what they do when they're on the when they're having private times that on them.
You know what I mean? And so that's why we're very, very passionate about this community, about this lifestyle. All the swingers, you know, the majority of the people that we've met in our time in this community are amazing people, right? They're very open-minded, very body positive, very sex positive. They don't care, you know, what your religion is. They don't care who you voted for. They don't care what your sexual orientation is. They just want to meet authentic people and have fun.
And whether that actually leads to sex or that just, it's just hanging out and getting to know people and having a good time. Um, there's some of the best people I've ever met in my life have been in this lifestyle community, in the swinger community.
And so I think there needs to be protections put in place so that things that things like but so people's lives aren't ruined just because they get outed for being a member of this community yeah no i totally agree um so every person has to do that that assessment for themselves and decide whether they can be public or not public um and really the only other thing i'll say that.
And if you go back and you listen to our episode with Brett from open love.org, which is a nonprofit organization that's, that's working to put legal protections in place, um, that will protect non-monogamous people from discrimination if they are outed, you know, trying to prevent, um, employees and, and, um, uh, building owners and whoever, you know, trying to protect non-mogs people from being discriminated against um you know he said the the biggest thing you can do for this community um you know if he was going to ask one thing of you is if you're able to be public to do that because representation matters right if this community stays underground and people don't realize who we are, they're going to always make assumptions and they're always going to make those worst case assumptions, right?
It's going to be key parties and STDs and, and, um, predators and, you know, all of that. That's what people are going to assume. And, you know, we, we make the connection between us, you know, the non-monogamous community and the, and the LGBT community a lot, because I think it's a lot of those same stigmas, right?
I mean, you know, the LGBT community was, you know, oh, they're spreading AIDS and they're spreading, you know, they're, they're immoral and they're trying to, you know, they're all these crazy things were said about them over the last 20 years plus. Um, but really here in the last, you know, three, four, five, 10 years, they've made leaps and bounds for getting rights and protecting their community because basically people were out and open, right?
People started going to social media and talking about it. People started pushing back and saying, hey, we're not all these things you're saying.
We're actually normal actually normal good people it just so happens that we like having sex with different genders than maybe you do or the traditional norm um and i think that's that's the i think that's the pathway that the non-monogamous community that uh is on and um i'm here for it and me and lacy's you know journey since this really started uh has been that and like like lacy said you know we started this because of only fans right to make money on only fans but as soon as she started doing tiktok lives and interacting with people and she started getting questions and we started getting feedback from people it very much became like hey there's more to this than just making some money on only fans and actually the only fans money doesn't even really matter i care more about educating people i care more about shedding a positive light We'll be right back.
to this than just making some money on only fans and actually the only fans money doesn't even really matter i care more about educating people i care more about shedding a positive light on the lifestyle community so that all this stigma all this discrimination can go away because i truly believe if people really know who swingers are and what they're about and in um who they are as people that a lot of those stigmas will fade away and go away i mean that's why we started the podcast because people just needed information they just wanted to know more things about the lifestyle um and so i think that's just why we've come here and that's i think and i think that's why the podcast has been so successful because we just genuinely talk about things that we do things that we see can help people answer questions so i just think it all kind of works together no no i agree more and it's i don't you know we look over the last what two and a half years at this point um two been over two years right so almost two and a half years of um being public swingers so to speak um and it's amazing to see how far we've come in that last two years if you think back you know we talked about when we started on tiktok there was like three people and the swing talk hashtag wasn't really a thing and i think now the swing talk hashtag has like three billion views and now we don't even use it and now when we go on on tiktok i see a new face yeah name a new couple every day making videos We'll be right back.
we don't even use it anymore and now when we go on on tiktok i see a new face yeah name a new couple every day making videos you know at least weekly right there's i don't know half the people who are we used to know every single swing talk creator i don't know many most of them now yeah um but it's good to see that right so good and i think that's it's a it's a those people felt safe to come out or felt a desire to come out and talk and share about their community um i hear more about it now i you know i start to read news articles and you see things that are like oh how swinging can be good for your relationship or you know yeah it's not just articles about spreading stds you know yeah well and we i we have a tiktok right now that's going viral or maybe it's on instagram i don't know what it's on but it's me doing a tour of trapeze for lauderdale and a radio station grabbed that sound bite and played it and i was really surprised they were nice they were not mean they were not mean at all um they did talk a little bit about like stds and they but they were very positive about like i'm sure everyone's using protection so i i don't think we would have gotten that same response a few years ago and i think that's like a group effort not just you and i but like i think that's an entire like group of people that are making a difference yeah and you it's been our mission since the start to to you know shed a positive light on the lifestyle and and some of the stigmas and that's why we started swinger society that's why we recruited hosts and influencers you know that's why we go and we throw events and provide safe spaces for people that want to come out and learn more about non monogamy in the community i mean it's really been kind of our life's mission here for the last two and a half years.
Um, and we've spent a lot of time, effort, uh, money and tears on it. Um, but I feel like it's working. Like, I feel like it's working. You know, if you see more and more people every day, if there's more articles, if you know, you're starting to see it in some of the mainstream like TV shows where they're kind of hitting on it or talking about it.
Um, I think we're going in the right direction and i couldn't be happier about that yeah so like to just kind of wrap this up if you had it to do over again like the whole us being outed and something that what if anything would you do different i don't know i don't know if i'd change anything i I can, there's probably certain people that I wouldn't have trusted or got close to.
There's probably, I probably would have, you know, put protections in place for us with, in certain areas, you know, earlier on, stuff like that. I mean, we've had, you know, without getting into it, we've had porn leaked across the internet.
We've had, you know, people try to trademark things of our, like we we've had all there's been all kinds of drama along along the journey which um i think that's impossible to avoid you know when we've learned some hard lessons but um overall i don't think there's much i would change i would change something what well first of all i would have just outed ourselves like right Right. Sure. Like to our family and our children. Yeah, I would have like.
But again, I think that had we planned to go viral and go like it would have we would have never done it. So like I say that. But then like, you know, like I feel like if we would have tried, it would have never happened. The fact that it happened is because probably we had no idea what we were doing.
But I think if I could have controlled the narrative a little bit and, like, had the opportunity to sit down with my mother and my dad and my child and, like, had those conversations, I did not have those because they were going to be hard. And I was trying to avoid them. And so, like, the conversation was kind of – I was forced into the situation.
So I think like had I just been a little bit braver and just had those conversations up front i think that would have been um i agree with that a better yeah also i do struggle with like my bisexuality because as we were getting outed i had not quite come to terms with that either so like i had been sleeping with women i had been doing all the things but i had never said i'm lacy and i'm a bisexual i had never said that out loud and then all of a sudden we're like thrown in the spotlight and they're like are you by and i'm like i don't i don't know i don't talk about that i don't talk about it i used to say it because i didn't know i think that had i i think i should have came to terms a little bit better with that yeah because even now today some people are like lacy's not really bisexual i think had i like uh had i like came to terms with it but i think reality was i was coming to terms that real time in front of people yeah so um no i remember those days on tiktok where you know on tikt always say, oh, are you bisexual?
And you'd be like, that's a personal question that I don't answer here on TikTok. Cause I didn't know the answer to it. But truth be told, I was sleeping with girls. I was having. Almost every time. Yeah, yeah, but I just was like, again, it was like a stigma that I was not prepared to. So I feel like, I know a lot of of ways I was kind of forced out, if that's a thing. I was kind of forced out and I didn't get to control that either. So those are the two things I would change.
Those are both good. I definitely agree with the we should have sat down with our family and had that conversation earlier. Yeah. Both our parents and our children.
Because I think they – and we did certain kids we we got we got to tell them first but there was certain families but overall yeah it wasn't everybody some some people the internet got to before we got to them and that's unfortunate because i'm sure they probably didn't make them feel good you know i mean like no i'm sure that was like hey you're posting this shit on the internet you can't even tell me about it yeah no no i agree yeah yeah and so if they're listening which i hope they're not if they're listening i'm sorry or maybe they'll listen to this one day one day because it's you know what you put on the internet it's there forever forever yeah so maybe they'll listen to it one day um and they'll hear that we didn't handle that well we didn't because we were scared the whole that's what it boils down to we were scared we knew it was going to be a hard conversation i think we were just hoping to avoid it as long as possible which is not that's not how to do it that's not the proper way to learn from us so okay but that's it um so yeah that's that's our take on on being outed it's it's super fucking scary but it's super fucking rewarding and you can survive it yeah um but not everybody can like financially like you know i mean like you have to look at your life and see if it's something that you can you can um survive and i would say if you look at your life and the answer is yes we can survive it you outing you doing it is only going to benefit everybody else yeah right so hopefully those people that are looking at their life right now and be like there's no way i can out myself because i'm going to get fired and i won't be able to feed my children if more of us people that can do it out ourselves then it'll pave the road for the other people.
And that's really the way to look at it. All right. Well, I think that that sums up being outed. So today's Thursday. We just got back from the Red Room. That was a good. That was a party. It was a party. It hasn't happened yet, but it was definitely a fucking. I know it was a party. We are pre-taping this. I am somewhere in New England. Moose hunting. I'm probably cold. Yeah. I have a gun. I have orange, Hunter's orange on. Yeah. Are you dirty? Probably wearing some L.L.
Bean shoes or something. Like, I'm doing it. You're doing it? Maybe we've already shot a moose. I don't know. I already got one. So, Dan is going moose hunting with that bullet sound too. And I'm staying home and going to TJ Maxx and living my best girl life alone at home. Yeah. And then when I get back, we're going to be getting ready for the Bliss Cruise. We are. We're going to be a host couple on the Bliss Cruise. So if you're going on the November Bliss Cruise, definitely come say hi to us.
We'll be hanging around with the Topless Travel people. We'll be doing whatever they have us do. They haven't really told us what they want us to do yet. But that's where you'll find us and definitely look us up. And then we'll be at Club Euros in Knoxville, Tennessee on December 2nd. Yes. It is not a Swingers Society takeover. However, we're just going to go and have a great time. A lot of our friends will be there. So we would love to see you. It's not a very big club.
I'm surprised it's not sold out. It might be for all I know. Yeah, it might be. We don't know. But check out their website if you'd like to come. And then January, we'll be back at the Red Room for our New Year's party. It's like middle of January. It's like a glitz and glamour. It's not really New Year's theme, but kind of New Year's theme. Yeah. It could be a good way to ring in the new year. Start your new year off. Yep. Bring it in with a bang.
That was actually the name of our last New Year's party. Yeah. And then we're going to Club Tempted in Louisville, Kentucky. I'm really excited about that one. The brand new Club Tempted. I'm super excited about that.
And then march back to secrets yeah for our forever young party it may be sold out by the time you're listening to this it may not be so check out swingers society.net there's 20 rooms left yeah so if it is sold out um you can just email admin atersidey.net and get on a waiting list. The good thing is we typically can fulfill a lot of those waiting lists. So I would recommend getting on that.
People always book, you know, not knowing their plans and then then it doesn't work out and they have to cancel. So definitely if it's sold out, get on the waiting list. Yeah. All right. What do you think, babe? I think that's it. Sums up this episode. Okay. I think with that, guys, in a world full of apples. Be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening.
If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Swing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.
