Unicorn Hunter

The phrase emerged from swinger circles in the 1970s, riffing on the mythical creature's rarity to describe couples chasing a vanishingly small slice of the dating pool: a bisexual woman willing to date both members of a heterosexual couple under terms the couple has already set. As Wikipedia's article on unicorn hunting observes, the practice is generally viewed negatively by polyamorous and LGBT communities precisely because it tends to fetishise bisexual women and bake an inherent power imbalance into the relationship from day one.

The criticism is structural rather than personal. In an equal triad, all three people negotiate rules together; in classic unicorn hunting, the couple writes the rulebook (no dating either of them separately, no sleepovers, immediate exit if the wife feels jealous) and the third party either accepts or walks. This is sometimes called the “couple's privilege” problem, and it is the reason longstanding poly resources warn newcomers away from the framing. More Than Two's secondary's guide documents how third partners absorb the costs of those one-sided rules over time.

The label is not always a slur. Some couples adopt it self-deprecatingly while learning to do better, and a small number of relationships described as unicorn hunts work out fine because the couple revises expectations as the third person becomes a real partner with veto rights, schedule needs, and her own sexual agency. The pejorative use is reserved for couples who keep treating the third party as a fungible accessory.