Ok, so this is a new twist to the original post that we made to start this topic.
Twice this month couples have reached out to us expressing interest in meeting or getting to know us. Sooooo we craft a nice reply that shows that we read their profile and how we are similar and then..poof no messages back from them...Grrrrr
@Phxfunx2 - ditto here as well.
There are a few (OK, maybe more than a few-LOL) profiles that we are simply not a match for us in hotness, fitness, age, geography, or perhaps all the above, but with a cover photo so stunning I cannot help but to click on it and take a look when that profile somehow crosses my path.
Do we message them? No, we fully realize the likely age and demographics that would probably be a good match for us. Do I enjoy checking out their profile pix on occasion anyway? Most definitely yes.
Phxfunx2, Ditto . There are a few profiles that are so attractive that I enjoy looking in on them even though we do not meet their criteria. It is a guilty pleasure I guess.
LKNG I would not read too much into the multiple profile viewers. I'll offer myself as the object lesson LOL. I (Mr.) have a thing for women in erotic lingerie; teddy's, panties and silky robes. There are some standard "go to" profiles that really speak to my lingerie thang. When I'm feeling exceptionally horny I will go and enjoy those profiles and those specific pictures. Have I/we written them? Some yes and some no. The no's are because we don't fit their stated criteria so we don't want to be "that couple" But....we will show up often in their who's viewed me que only because I find the picture(s) attractive enough to visit their profile often.
:-) How's that for honesty?
What we also are experiencing is that couples are viewing us multiple times and even months apart and we send them a well thought out note and still nothing? There must be some level of interest if they are looking at your profile over and over ? People are funny...
As always we love your feedback and replies on this post and we are very happy knowing its not just us seeing these trends!
:) We are in such a message exchange with another couple. They initially wrote us the the non-committal "hi". Last time I checked with are up to 7 messages back and forth with only the words hi. It's like a game of ping pong. They will either get tired of it or craft something just a tad more substantial. We've never sent just the "hi" message. If we are interested in you as a couple, we are going to state why; pictures, preferences, profile etc.
If a person did legitimately take the time to write a decent message to you, then I would agree, but "Hi" and "How are you?" are ones that show no effort, and if they don't even match your criteria, even worse.
Depending on time/mood, I may even respond to those, but I don't feel obligated to and don't have a problem with people that choose not to respond to those types of messages either.
During the time we've enjoyed swinging, history shows the two hardest statements to make are a) hi we are interested in you two and b) thank you but we are not interested in you two.
Personally we don't subscribe to the no response is a response theory. Granted we are not the super hot unicorn that probably get's bombarded with messages all day long. However the person or couple on the other end of that message took the time (chance) to write and in our opinion is deserving of a response. So be it a yes, no or maybe we write to everyone who writes us [1]. For those in the yes category we've met some fantastic people. For those in the no category a majority write back and thank us for the response and candor.
[1] in full disclosure we are sure over x-years in swinging we've missed a few but it's never intentional :)
I got my first bird yesterday. Unfortunately it wasn't a personal message, it was a group offering me to join. Unfortunately it's in Los Angeles and I don't know where there are and where I can Park my truck for the evening.
That's not been our experience. In fact, we've seen the opposite. We'll see the alert that we have 3 new IMs only to find that it's 1 long IM. It's not broken up and shows as one would expect a long formatted paragraph or paragraphs to appear.
When at least I send or receive it often breaks long messages, over three lines, into several shorter.
"Not having the bird anymore has also made it far more difficult for all to correspond in long enough text to not appear illiterate"
How so?
I expect that some people are inundated with messages and can’t find the time (so don’t bother) to respond unless they are interested. Others still are just rude so don’t. As a SM I’m used to it, however when I first joined a decade back my hit rate for at least getting reply’s was better. Not having the bird anymore has also made it far more difficult for all to correspond in long enough text to not appear illiterate, lol
I've been on here for over two months and only had one offer for Superbowl Sunday. I had to cancel because I had to go out of town. But they did have the courtesy to confirm the date before it came up. I would definitely show up if I got offers, but I would also definitely explain why I couldn't if plans suddenly changed.
Mayhem
The last 3 couples we've had this experience with - 2 have been on the site for at least 5 years and are certified, 1 is new as of last year with zero certs.
Now maybe I'm blurring the lines between lifestyle and regular life, but I have heard before from women "Well, what do you think of me? You haven't said anything." As if me having a normal conversation meant that they were being placed in my "friend zone," and I had to reassure them that I was attracted to them as well. And this will be after I've already let them know I'm attracted to them through pics and video chat.
And yes, there is definitely a friend zone. If a man is trying to be with you on more than a friend level, and you never been friends before that moment, you're probably going to place him in the friend zone. Meaning he's not really your platonic friend at all. He's some guy trying to get with you, biding his time. Either that or you're with someone, and you're keeping him on the back burner as a back up plan. It takes a real woman to say "I'm not interested and no I don't want to be fake friends either."
I put it like this... Would I trust you with your childhood friend you grew up with? Of course. Would I trust you with Billy you met at the bar, who's now your "friend?" Hell no... He's just biding his time
But back to the topic... I think that's the issue right there. Men are direct. "Hey you look like this... I like that... I want your number.. Lets go out." Where women are more into signs, looks, subtle touches.. It's rare that I get the woman who just walks up on me, calls me hot, and tells me how bad she wants to get to know me. Although it's always a wonderful surprise when it happens..
As I now imagine, getting a guy to show his interests without being so damn direct is probably y'alls idea of that.... I think I've earned another degree :) People in the forum teach me something new everyday.
Hopefully, like dates in general, this is cyclic. Just the unluck of the draw for whatever reason. At least in our neck of the woods, we've not experienced that.
Just curious, but when it happens are the couples doing this relative newbies? I can see newbies getting caught up in the moment then getting scared and backing out when it becomes real.
If it keeps happening and you haven't already done it, perhaps it's time to consider voice verifying to make sure that everyone is on-board with it in the event these are hubbies making plans with the assumption that the Mrs will go along with it.
We're sure you're right.
But this is a recent phenomenon with us in the last few months. Until now we've had an almost 100% conversion rate when making plans. Meaning if we say we'll meet we meet. We may decide not to go any further but we'd meet.
A & J. Thanks for the note, we have noticed the same thing after making a connection or plans and then they vanish.
We just think that they did us a favor!
OP - We feel your pain.
For us things seem to have gotten even worse. Folks will reach out to us, we exchange pleasantries and pics, agree that there is mutual interest by all 4 and then when we ask when they're free to meet for drinks/coffee....nothing, crickets, nada.
This is consistent over the past couple months. One even set a date and we agreed to finalize time and location a few days before the meet and disappeared.
Not sure what's going on.
Okay, this is embarrassing enough.
:-P
~Allen
I dunno. Did she? ;-)
So when this female I was having chats with for weeks said I was such a good friend to her, unlike the other guys, about a dozen times IIRC, meant she really wanted me? Dammit, I up and told her this isn’t working for me. I thought I was in the friend zone.
Here comes my virginity!
~Allen
"But just friend talk, is exactly how you end up in the friend zone."
This will come as a huuuge surprise to many men, but...there's no such thing as a "friend zone." We've known within five minutes of meeting you that we're never, ever going to fuck you.
I mean, yeah, tequila happens, so there's a remote outside chance, but sober? Nah.
Friend talk from someone we want to fuck accelerates the process.
Friend talk from a no hoper doesn't change a fucking thing.
This is way off topic (big surprise), but now that we're in the LS, being oogled by a woman IS flattering. I was much younger when this happened and, at the time, it was uncomfortable. Definitely a learning experience though.
