Mutual Attraction

"I think if she had it her way we'd find a single bi-woman and call it a day."

This prompted a couple of thoughts. The first is why can't she have her way? If that means you cut down on your play opportunities, so what. And even that needn't be the case if you attend a club or regular house party and are one of the couples who just do watch and be watched plus girl/girl, along with the occasional MFF. Especially at house parties, there are couples who happily play separately, so it doesn't need to be a single woman for that MFF.

My second thought is - and I don't mean to sound disapproving, because I'm not, merely curious - why don't you know what her ideal scenario is? And not just her ideal scenario but the personal cost of getting what she wants if she also has to navigate some sexual contact with men?

Finally, I now especially recommend reading that book and watching that program. I can pretty much guarantee that I've had sex with more women than you, unless you've been a complete ho for decades, plus I'm a woman who is very much in touch with my sexuality, and I learned a lot from both of them. And by a lot, I mean some of it was revelatory.

I'd say this issue comes up often, and that Molly's response is pretty spot on.

I could edit, but I'll just add what I was going to type before my dog stepped on the keyboard: Women are easy to be attracted to. They're familiar in a way that men aren't and you don't have to drill through that atavistic understanding that a man can kill a woman pretty easily, so you automatically feel safer.

There's a great book about women and desire, both their brakes and their accelerators, called "Come As You Are," by Emily Nagoski that is super interesting. Also, if you have Netflix, there's a limited series called "The Principles of Pleasure" that is less science-y but just as informative and features Dr. Nagoski and her research.

"Does anyone else have this issue and, if so, what do you do about it? Should she take one for the team or hold out for that "perfect" couple?"

If I waited to be attracted to someone before having sex with them, I'd have had sex with a very small number of men. So, I don't wait to be attracted to men before having sex with them.

I also don't call it taking one for the team. I just need to not be turned off by someone and curious enough to want to spend a little more time with them. I've fallen wildly in lust in the middle of having sex more times than I can count.

It might help to know that women's desire is generally responsive rather than generative and isn't nearly as visual as it is for men. By which I mean it's not usual for the average woman to look at a man across the room, feel a surge of desire, and think "I'd tap that." Not that it doesn't happen, but it doesn't happen often.

But the swinger version of slow seduction (candlelight, dinner, romance, might not be there, but dancing, light touches, a very clear attraction to her, skilled foreplay, certainly fit here) can activate responsive desire, and that's where a lot of women start.

WELCOME.....Never , ever take one for the team!

Swingers well over 30 years and each year we continue to refine what we each like and enjoy.. this includes 3 sums, classy, sensual people, etc etc .

Many couples will allow each to play alone.. and look for those special couples.

Trues story: We were in South Carolina watching the eclipse several years ago with our long time FWB male. He found a new couple on SLS who wanted a 3sum with his wife, our FWB and my wife. We all met at a local bar, agreed to making her wish come true and headed back to our hotel as the 3 of them had a great hour of sex.. the front desk called and stated we had to quiet down ref complaints. She was a screamer. Her husband and I watched over some drinks. They thanked us and left and we continued with our 3sum having a fantastic night!.

Keep looking, attend some parties, reach out to some couples whose profile reads what you are looking for.. it takes some work but well worth the effort! Good luck!